Disclaimer: Do I really have to write these for every chapter? I mean, I highly doubt that anyone that owns a successful manga wirtes fanfics during their spare time. This sort of thing only depresses me… well, on to the next chapter.

Chapter two: The recruitment

Just Barely ANBU

"….You want me to what now?" Naruto asked as he looked at the Hokage with a blank expression. "I think a little bit of "stupid" just came out of your mouth."

Tsunade hurled the first thing she spotted straight towards Naruto's head.

"That hurt you old- ouch dammit. Ok I'll stop." Naruto rubbed his second black eye as the second object Tsunade threw at him was a steel paperweight.

"Now that you've come to your senses," Tsunade smirked as she continued where she left-off before she was interrupted. "I want you to join ANBU… sort off."

Sakura, who had been watching this conversation quietly finally decided to interrupt. "Why would you want Naruto to join ANBU Tsunade-Sama? And what do you mean by sort of?" Sakura asked as she stood next to an equally confused Naruto. At one point of time, being asked to enter ANBU was a great honor, it still was, but for ninja like Naruto it seemed completely pointless. Naruto was already the one of the most powerful ninja in the entire Elemental Nations. Aside from that, Naruto's techniques weren't exactly what you would call subtle. Apparently what Sakura was thinking when she asked her question was apparent enough that Tsunade laughed before answering her question.

"I know what you're thinking Sakura, and under normal circumstances you would be right. This however, is another matter entirely." Tsunade stood from her seat and walked towards the large glass windows of her office. The view was breath-taking, and you could see the stone faces of the 5 Hokages on the mountain side as clear as day.

"Thank God they never had the time to put Danzo's ugly mug up their before he died. I would have had to barricade all the windows in the office." Tsunade thought with a sour expression on her face. She decided to continue where she left-off before she was distracted by her thoughts. "Do you know what I see when I look outside and see the Hokage Mountain?"

"Four awesome ninja and an old hag~ Ouch! Dammit, we really need to take about your violent tendencies towards me Sakura-Chan!" Naruto squawked as he dodged another hit from Sakura for him insulting her mentor. "Where's the love?"

Tsunade smiled as see turned around to see the commotion behind. "I knew there was a reason I liked her so much" She mumbled before coughing into her fist to break-up their interaction. "No you disrespectful little brat, I see something much more than three old men, a young brat, and a beautiful princess on that mountain."

"That's not what I said!"

"If you say one more word Naruto I'll pull your tongue through your ass. Yeah, think about how I'll do that and keep quiet." Tsunade said calmly. But no one was fooled. Both Naruto and Sakura noticed the trembling fist, and the tick mark on her forehead. Naruto decided to make a healthy decision, he kept quiet.

"Now, back to the topic at hand," Tsunade smirked victoriously as Naruto began to turn pale as the threat sank in. "To answer your question Sakura, I want Naruto to join the ANBU for remedial training."

"Oi, I'm one of the most kick-ass ninja of my generation. The hell do I need to go for re-re… that training for anyway!" Naruto shouted as he shook his fist at the woman he saw as a mother figure. He knew what remedial training was, he heard that word appear many times when his grades were brought up in the academy.

"And to answer your second question Sakura," Tsunade continued as if she hadn't heard him "Naruto's current status and techniques are too… unique to grant him the anonymity that is usually synonymous with ninja associated in ANBU, however, the program I have in mind with rectify that problem."

"Oh! I understand now." Sakura nodded with a slight smile on her face as finally understood what her master's intentions were. "You want him to become well rounded, and introduce with a new set of ninja he's never worked with before." Many ninja, if not all the ninja knew of Naruto especially after the Pein incident, but not many of them actually knew him. They respected him, and some even feared him. Naruto's previous treatment by the village wasn't exactly a well kept secret, so some are worried he might extract revenge now that he has the power to do so. It was a ridiculous thought. Those that knew Naruto knew that he wasn't one for master plans… or even regular plans. With Naruto, what you see is what you get.

While Sakura was processing all of this information, a confused Naruto finally decided to voice his complaints.

"You guys do know I'm right here right!?" Naruto yelled as he pointed his finger at Tsunade who was waiting patiently for the out-burst to occur. "What's really going on here? I may not have understood everything you guys were talking about, but even I know that ANBU probably isn't the best for me right now." Naruto had stopped yelling at this point, and placed Tonton on the floor while he crossed his arms waiting for Tsunade to answer his question.

Tsunade smiled softly and nodded before she walked over to her desk and reached down to open her bottom drawer. Inside the drawer was a dark brown book that she grabbed and threw to Naruto across the room. "Open the book to page 36, and then I'll answer your question"

Naruto caught the book with the ease of a well trained ninja and stared at the cover. The words "New Edition Bingo book, Vol. 12" were scrawled in big bold letters. Suddenly Naruto began flipping through the pages with a new found excitement as he realized why Tsunade had given him that book.

"Oh, yeah! I can't wait to see what kind of badass nickname they gave me. Oh, oh, and Im probably like a triple SSS rank threat. Something like "Bow down to awesomeness before fleeing on sight." Naruto began mumbling with feverish excitement as he finally reached his page and began to read.

"… Oi, What the Hell is this!?" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs before walking over to the nearest table and flipping it over. "This has gotta be a joke or something, right Baa-Chan?"

"Really, was flipping my coffee table over really necessary?" Tsunade gave him a deadpan look as she saw the mess he made with his little outburst. "Whose gonna clean that up?"

"…Sorry." Naruto murmured as he rubbed his head sheepishly. "But the table at my house is to nice to flip over, and I kinda always wanted to do that you know?"

"Why did you flip out like that in the first place Naruto? It just a basic Shinobi alias, let me see that." Sakura then reached over and snatched the bingo book from Naruto's hand. She opened the page and began to read out loud.

Bingo Book Entry:

Name: Naruto Uzumaki

Age: 17

Village affiliation: Konoha

Rank: Genin

Basic threat level: C?

Alias: Naruto Anzen orenji no chakuyo (Naruto wearer of Safety Orange)

Basic information: Naruto Uzumaki mainly relies on melee attacks and is very dangerous over long-period battles. He also seems to have the ability to sway enemies into becoming allies, however, said enemies usually die not to long afterwards so that ability is nearly useless. However, he is also a Jinchuuriki that has mastered both the beast's charka, and sage energy. He takes on any appearance physical changes such as red eye-liner or he starts glowing his trade-mark nickname, then flee… really, run real fast in the opposite direction.

Basic abilities: Rasengan, Shadow clone Justu, Summing Justu…(That's about it…He kinda sucks right?)

Sakura turned red as she held in her laughter after reading the Bing book entry. Naruto was very upset now, it wouldn't be nice to laugh in his face right now… she would do that when she got home.

Naruto face took on a very distraught look as he saw his teammate holding in her laughter. "You see," he began yelling again, "what kind of half-assed entry is that!? That asshole even wrote all those side comments about my Justu! He made me sound like a complete scrub!"

"He even got my rank and threat level wrong!" Naruto continued, clearly still upset with what he read in the bingo book. "And the worst part was my new "alias". Safety Orange! What's wrong with wearing orange? I still kicked Madara's ass while wearing orange didn't I?"

As Naruto continued ranting, Sakura's cheeks puffed up after each statement, until finally

"Gwhahahaha."

"Sakura-Chan… it's not funny… it's really not funny." Naruto whined as his teammate held her stomach as she continued to laugh.

Sakura's laughter finally subsided as she looked down with a small amount of embarrassment and shame. She didn't really mean to laugh like that, it's just after everything he did, some asshole decided to give him a C? Threat level and a stupid alias.

"Uh Tsunade-sama, what's with the C? Threat level. I've never seen that before." Sakura decided now was the best time to ask her question, since Naruto was still ranting about how unfair life was.

"Actually it means Naruto's base abilities start at a solid C rank, but then shoot up depending on the situation." Tsunade explained with a straight face… she had already laughed her ass off before the meeting. Actually, to be truthful, Tsunade had shown most of the staff in the Hokage tower Naruto's bingo entry. If he found out, he would not be happy. "You see, most ninja don't have the ability to suddenly increase their ability during battle. And in Naruto's case, he jumps from veteran Genin to Double SS rank threat in mid-battle." Tsunade shrugged her shoulders as if she was confused too. "And that's why I drafted you into ANBU effective tomorrow." Tsunade smirked as she finished her explanation.

"And how exactly will drafting me into ANBU help remove this…this shit stain on my reputation?" Naruto asked as he finally calmed down enough to listen to the words of his mother figure.

"Naruto, the truth is while you're very powerful," Tsunade paused as she watched him puff up is chest with pride "the truth is your ninjustu is very basic." She smirked as she brought his head out of his ass. "A much less powerful ninja can take you out under certain circumstances. I mean to rectify that problem with this program." By now, Tsunade had walked over to Naruto and slung an arm over his shoulders is a familiar manner.

"Hmmm, I guess you have a point." Naruto conceded as he finally relaxed. "If it can make me have a better chance of being Hokage, I guess… wait a second!" Naruto paused as he finally recalled something Tsunade said earlier. "What do you mean I start tomorrow!? You all ready enrolled me didn't you?"

"Well… yeah, I guess I did." Tsunade shrugged as if she a picked a different food on a dinner menu as opposed to playing with his life.

"Then what was the whole point of this meeting!? Wouldn't it have been easy if you just to me to report tomorrow morning?"

"… Well what do you know, you're right. It would have been easier." Tsunade mumbled as she realized Naruto had just used logic to win an argument against her. She loved him like hell, but he wasn't the exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. "Well even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

"Oi, I'm right here!" Naruto had a comical look on his face as if she had spoken her thoughts out loud… oh shit, it was time for damage control.

"Uh, well that concludes this meeting." Tsunade said as she turned around to face the window. "Be sure to report to the ANBU Headquarters at 0300 sharp."

"…Wait, What!?

Well that concludes Chapter 2. I know this chapter probably wasn't that amusing, but the next few are guaranteed to make you laugh at least once… I mean I can't technically "guarantee" that, but they will at least be funnier than this chapter.

On another note, I should have posted this chapter earlier, however, I'm currently in Nigeria, and they have a casual relationship with the electricity and internet connection. That means while I might finish the next chapter early, I won't always post it early.

Anyway, Thanks for reading, hope you continue to do so.