Shepard had been in the comm room on call with the Council for nearly an hour since they'd arrived back at the Normandy. They were still docked on Noveria, awaiting orders from the commander for their next destination, but the ship was mercifully much warmer than the rest of the planet had been.
Garrus felt bad for Shepard. She was exhausted and filthy and hadn't had a break to rectify either problem. Garrus, Tali, and Liara had already been able to clean up and change clothes while Shepard remained locked away talking to the Council.
After cleaning up, Liara had almost immediately retired to her bunk in the med bay. Garrus couldn't blame her. He felt compassion though, his own mother was in poor health and watching her slowly succumb to disease was not easy. He could only imagine how Liara felt at the moment.
Down in the cargo bay, Tali was catching Wrex, Ash, and Kaidan up on what had happened on Noveria. Ash was sore that she had missed out on fighting rachni, and Wrex went into a rage upon hearing that Shepard had released the rachni queen.
"That blind pyjak," he screamed. "Does she know how many of my people died fighting the rachni? Now she's letting them wander off into space to repopulate and come back and kill us all. Forget Saren, Shepard's just single-handedly destroyed the galaxy!"
No amount of reassurance from Garrus that the rachni queen had truly seemed to want peace would placate Wrex. Eventually he stormed off to the elevator to brood elsewhere, or else to chew Shepard out in front of the Council. Garrus hoped it was the former. The Council was surely already chiding her for that decision. It was a choice he hadn't agreed with or understood, but it had been her decision to make. He could confidently say he wouldn't have made the same decision in her shoes.
Kaidan was quiet as Tali finished her story. He stepped away from Ash and Tali and pulled Garrus aside while they were chatting.
"Is Shepard okay?" he asked.
"You saw her when we came in," Garrus shrugged.
"No, I mean…is she…okay? It sounds like you guys went through a lot on Noveria. She never gives herself a minute to rest. I'm just a little worried she's going to wear herself out and end up crashing."
"I said the same thing," Garrus told the lieutenant. "She didn't really want to hear that maybe she needed to slow down. Maybe you should talk to her about it."
Kaidan shook his head. "I think she's more likely to listen to you on this one. Maybe talk to her again once she's debriefed us about our next step."
He walked away before Garrus could say anything else. Why did the lieutenant think Shepard would be more likely to listen to him? He was a turian she'd only know for a couple of weeks. She'd known the lieutenant for years; surely she'd be more likely to take Kaidan's advice. The request seemed odd.
Shepard called them upstairs a few minutes later to discuss strategy going forward. When Garrus reached the comm room, it was to find Shepard sparring with Wrex, the krogan holding her in a headlock as she kicked and flailed to free herself from his grasp. Her weapons had been stowed in her locker when they'd returned to the ship, but she still wore her armor, which at least provided a bit of protection.
"What the hell is going on here?" Garrus cried.
His presence distracted Wrex long enough for Shepard to wriggle free of the krogan's strong hold. She shoved Wrex forcefully, but he barely moved, as heavy and sturdy as he was.
"I should shoot you in the head for that!" Shepard yelled. Her eyes were bloodshot, a dark circle visible beneath the one that wasn't already bruised purple. Her nerves were clearly frayed.
"So do it!" Wrex growled. "I should shoot you for releasing the rachni on the galaxy again."
"I made a decision! I'm the commander of this ship. If you don't like it then get off and find a different way off of this frozen rock. See if I care!"
She and Wrex stood tense, staring at each other. Wrex waved his hand dismissively. "Forget it. One of you can brief me later," he stomped out of the room to return to the cargo bay.
Garrus placed an unsure hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Shepard…"
She shoved his hand away. "What!?"
He must have hidden his shock poorly, because the anger immediately faded from the commander's eyes. She rubbed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired. I didn't mean to snap…"
He was about to suggest that she go and get some rest when the rest of the squad arrived, even Liara, though she looked nearly as tired as Shepard.
"I just saw Wrex heading back to the cargo bay," Tali told them. "Did something happen?"
"We had a little disagreement." Shepard slumped into a nearby chair, sighing.
"Tali filled us in on the mission," Ash said, trying to be helpful. "Do we head for the Mu relay next?"
Shepard shook her head. "No. We've got no clue where it leads and no clue where Saren wants to go with it. We'll make for Feros and investigate the geth sightings there first. Maybe that will help us figure out where to go next. I've given the OSD with the relay coordinates over to Joker and Pressly. They have it mapped out, so we can find it, once we have more info."
"How far is it to Feros from here?" Kaidan asked.
"There's no direct route. We have to make three relay jumps to get there. Joker thinks it'll take about a week, but that estimate might be generous."
Garrus thought a week sounded good. Shepard and Liara particularly needed some time to rest. A week away from shore couldn't force Shepard to relax, of course. Garrus was sure she'd find some way to keep busy, poring over extranet records trying to solve the mystery of Saren's plans.
"I need to tell Pressly and Joker to get us going." Shepard leaned her head heavily on her hand. "The Council wasn't happy with the decisions I've been making. Not that I could care less." She stared blankly ahead, then seemed to remember herself. "Liara, how are you doing?"
"I'll be okay, Shepard, thank you."
"Is everyone good? We have everything we need before we take off?"
Ash cocked her head. "Commander, maybe you should go lie down."
"Yeah, I can relay the information to Joker," Kaidan offered.
Shepard stood up on shaky legs. "Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine. I'm going to go clean up. You can talk to Joker, Kaidan," she nodded. She patted Garrus on the shoulder as she passed him. "Good work on the mission."
"Shepard," he replied softly.
She left the comm room, headed for her cabin. When she was gone, Kaidan went to discuss the route with Joker and Pressly, and Liara went to lie down again. This left Tali, Ash, and Garrus sitting alone in the comm room.
Ash stood up. "I'm worried about Shepard. She's going to run herself ragged."
"She wouldn't have become a commander if she didn't know her limits," Garrus said, though he knew she had likely become a commander because she knew her limits and chose to ignore them anyway. These missions had to be different than what she'd face as a regular Alliance soldier, though. Fighting geth and rachni wasn't standard in any military.
"Well, I hope you're right," Ash shrugged. "You need anything tuned up? I'm heading back down to upgrade the rifle I bought back on the Citadel."
"My assault rifle is covered with rachni blood," Garrus said. "If you're cleaning any weapons at all, it could use it."
"Sure thing."
"I think I'll head down to engineering. I haven't told Adams or the others about what happened and they'll be eager to know," Tali dismissed herself as well.
Alone, Garrus stepped out of the comm room and headed up to the observation deck. The view of the cold, concrete docks of Noveria was not exactly ideal, but it was nighttime now and the deck lights had been dimmed to accommodate the schedule. The effect was ruined somewhat by the harsh fluorescent lights of the docking bay, but Garrus tried to ignore it.
Eventually, and to his great relief, the ship pulled gently away from the dock and glided out the hangar doors, shooting up through Noveria's atmosphere and off into space. Garrus was happy to watch the icy blue planet fade until it could no longer be seen.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there before he heard steps on the ladder and turned to find Shepard pulling herself up onto the deck. She slumped down next to him and let out a long sigh. She looked like she could barely keep her eyes open, but her hair was clean and free of rachni blood and she was back in her civilian clothing.
"You all right?" Garrus asked, feeling it was a stupid question.
"I'll survive."
He noticed some bruising around her neck where Wrex had held her. If she didn't watch herself, she'd have enough blue skin to pass for an asari pretty soon. She stared absently out the window, not taking in the view at all, lost in thought. Garrus almost asked her what she was thinking, but decided to let the time pass in silence. It could be that she just wanted to decompress without talking about it.
A good ten minutes passed before Shepard broke the silence.
"I was sixteen," she said.
"What?" he looked up and met her gaze.
"When batarian slavers came to my home planet and murdered my family. I was sixteen. I was supposed to be a farmer like my parents, but my dad had taught me how to use a gun to defend us. We held off those slavers for nearly an hour before they busted through with three dozen vorcha. My parents made me hide in the attic, but I could hear everything," her voice shook and he was surprised to see her eyes welling with tears. "My parents begged for mercy. They killed my father first and then…the batarians…they…" she bit her lip. "The things they did to my mother were…"
"Shepard…"
She stared back out the window. "I couldn't cry because if I did they'd hear me. I spent hours in that attic hoping they would leave, terrified of what would happen to me if they found me. Eventually, the noise stopped, but I didn't leave. I was too scared. When I heard the other voices and the attic opened I thought they were going to do to me what they'd done to my mother…" a few tears escaped her eyes and trickled down her cheek. "But it was the Alliance. They'd swept through and taken out the batarians that hadn't managed to flee. They took me in and took me off of Mindoir. Anderson was the one who found me in that attic."
He wondered why she was telling him this, but as horrible as it was to hear, he was glad that she was sharing it with him. He wondered how many people had heard this story before him. Was it something she told her crew so they could know who she was? No, he could tell it wasn't that. This was an intensely private story.
"When we saw the rachni queen trapped in that chamber, all I could think about was those batarian slavers. If they'd found me I could have been a slave…I would have lived and died under their whips. No war hero of Elysium. Just another number in a death toll," she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "I couldn't let her be just another number, Garrus. That's why I set her free." She looked at him again, her brown eyes shimmering with her tears. "I won't let myself be some cold emotionless leader who never considered the value of a single life against many."
Garrus didn't know what to say, except that now he felt terrible for wanting to kill the rachni queen. He couldn't have known. But it was the commander's unique experience that made her such a skilled leader. A different person with a milder disposition might have been ruined by the experience. Instead, she had made it her sword and shield.
"I've never told anyone that story," she said after some time. "The crew, they know I escaped Mindoir when the slavers came, but that's all they know. The details…the truth of it…I've kept it to myself."
"You didn't have to tell me to justify your decision," Garrus finally spoke.
"I didn't tell you to justify my decision. I told you because I trust you."
He trusted her too, deeply, though he couldn't figure out why. They had known each other for such a short time.
"I know it hasn't been that long since we met," she said, as though she were reading his thoughts, "but it feels like it's been longer than it has. And I always follow my gut reaction to things. With you, Garrus…I've never clicked with someone so quickly. I'm really glad you came along."
"I feel the same," he said. He wanted to say more, but he didn't have the words.
Shepard stood up and yawned. "I'm going to go get some sleep. Someone was badgering me about resting earlier," she smiled at him and took off back down the ladder.
He watched her go, feeling a mix of emotions he'd never felt before in his life.
A/N: Short chapter! Will probably post another one tomorrow to make up for it. Enjoy!