I hear the doorbell, but I don't move from the bed. Without having look at my phone or the clock hanging on the wall across from me, I know, it's only been a few hours since I fell asleep the last time. Hell, it hasn't been much longer than that since I started drifting in and out of the nightmares. I want no part of whoever is at the door.

I hear the knocking on the door, but I don't move from the bed. Go away, I think, bitterly. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit right now, whoever you are. Just leave it on the step or try again later.

Something taps my window, and while it gets my attention, I don't move to investigate. Then something else hits the window, and a little more sleep-fog clears- I'm on the second floor. Someone is throwing something at my window. I blink, eyes already stinging; the sun isn't helping. Tap. Tap. Tap. Buzz.

Buzz?

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Like an angry hornet trapped between a glass and a coaster.

Oh! Buzz. My phone! Buzz. I reach for it and swipe to answer on what would likely to have been the last ring. Before I can say so much as hello, an angry, high voice berates me- "you ass! I made lunch and walked all the way over here from school and you won't even let me in! What the f-" I end the call before it can get worse. Really didn't expect Natsuki to plan for me not coming to school today. A heavy pang of guilt surfaces at the bottom of my stomach- I would have just stood her up if she hadn't done this, and what if she hadn't had the money…

Moving with a speed that surprises myself, I manage to get a pair of gym shorts on as I hope across the room, and make it down the stairs with a shirt over my head without falling to my death. Not knowing where Natsuki might be at the moment -she was just throwing rocks or something at my window a few seconds ago- I cut through the kitchen and out the sliding glass door to our tiny backyard. The grass is soaked and the ground is muddy, and it's still drizzling, and there's no sign of my pink-haired friend, so I reluctantly slip on a pair of old, wet geta and splash across the yard.

It takes me all the way back around the house to find her, glowering on the porch, a white and pink cooler bag hanging at her knees. It takes me until a few feet away to realize she's no longer angry, but silently crying. She moves to one side of the narrow stoop, allowing me out of the rain, but doesn't turn to face me, eyes forward on the ground facing the front of the house. We stand there, silently, slightly damp, me still kind of shocked that she turned up and watching her like an idiot, for longer than I should have. Eventually, she wipes at her eyes and turns on me. "You're not the only one torn up about Sayori disappearing, you d-" Her face contorts, and she sniffs before wiping her eyes again. "I made lunch for both of us and then I thought you weren't even going to let me-"

She stops as I put my arms around her. "I didn't… I never would have expected you to actually come out here. I'm sorry. And thank you."

"Y-you're welcome…" Her words are muffled into my chest, and she sniffles again. I pat the back of her head, and that's apparently her cue to pull away a little bit. "I just thought…" Sniff. "You might appreciate something nice."

"I would have stood you up." It comes out before I can stop it. I curse my mouth, but I manage to keep that in my head, at least. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Natsuki. Even if it didn't happen, I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, MC." She pushes herself out of my arms, trying to force a fiesty smile that looks more sad than anything. "I would have understood. It's not…" Sniiiiff. "It's not an easy thing to deal with."

"Right." There's an uncomfortable pause as my brain desperately tries to string words together that meet the criteria of: a) making sense, b) not somehow accidentally hurting Natsuki's feelings worse than I already have, and c) not being horrifically depressing. It's failing, the ship is sinking, mayday, mayday, man overboard again! The sharks already circling, they only eat the brave! But finally, something escapes my mouth- "let me go back around and I'll let you in. Two seconds."

It takes a bit longer than two seconds, since my shoes keep getting stuck in the mud, but I hurry back around the house and to the front door to let her in. We walk to the kitchen, where Natsuki begins unpacking the cooler and I try to dry my hair with a dishrag, with little to show for it. Natsuki sets a plastic bento box full of rice, a smaller box with something that looks like raw beef in it, and a juicebox at one end of the table, then repeats the process at the opposite end. I start to get plates, but figure that we would have just eaten from the boxes at school and this isn't all that different, and end up sitting down as Natsuki closes the cooler and does the same.

The first thing I notice as I open the two containers is that the second, smaller container is, in fact, full of raw beef. I look at it. I look at Natsuki, who has a surprisingly emotionless look on her face. Back at the red, uncooked meat. I poke at it with a chopstick, just to be sure- yeah, no, that's totally raw. Natsuki giggles, but when I look up, she still has the same glassy-eyed stare, and now I'm not sure if I get the joke or not, so I crack one of my own- "honestly, I always thought if one of you snapped and tried to kill me, it would be Yuri."

She grins, but quickly tries to hide it (and only halfway succeeds), and instead deflects the joke entirely- "I bought it a couple days ago, I was actually kind of…" Some of the light leaves her eyes, and she looks down at the floor. "I was kind of hoping to do this anyways, just not…"

"Oh my god, were you going to make a pass at me?" Warning klaxons sounding off again at full blast; I knew I would regret that before I said it, but I had to take the shot. I see her face go red immediately, and when she looks back up, the light in her eyes has been replaced by fire.

"As if! It's just been a couple weeks since we hung out alone and I just thought it would remind you that you're not too good to be friends with me! God, you're such an ass!"

"Then you try it first."

"Ehhh?!" She's shocked, like she didn't expect that. She prods it with her chopsticks the same way I was just doing, but doesn't make a move to pick a single piece up.

Smiling, I push the meat around until I find the smallest piece and pin it between the tiny metal poles, then drop it in the box of rice and roll it around until it's relatively covered. Not wanting to show any weakness now, I pick it back up, raise it to my mouth, and drop it in. To my surprise, it's not totally awful, although it is pretty strange. It's very tender, not at all like the tough, chewy thing I expected, and it has a rich but subtle taste- I guess exactly what one would expect from an uncooked steak. It is a little sticky, but that can probably be chalked up to being raw beef.

All in all, not the worst thing I've eaten.

"This is… weird." I pick up a second piece and plop it into the rice box. "It's not bad, just… weird." This seems to be the encouragement she needed, and she -still somewhat hesitant- tries the first bite without rice. While decidedly less enthused by it than me, she seems to at least accept her fate, and quickly digs into the rest. We eat in silence, and after rinsing out the four boxes, Natsuki packs everything back up. I walk her to the door, but she doesn't immediately step outside after I open it.

Instead, she shifts the cooler from one hand to the other, fingers tightening around the strap. "I have study hall next period, so I could stay a little longer…"

"I…" Am kind of scared by this prospect, to be totally honest with myself. Besides Sayori, Natsuki has become one of my closest friends since joining the Literature Club, and between her comment about us not hanging out alone in a while and the planned gesture of making me lunch, I feel my face start to flush. "I-I…" Have lost any chance to even try to be smooth with this. "I'd like that… I think." I close the door back, and suddenly I'm struck by the urge, the need, almost, to look her in the eyes as I say what comes next- "I don't think I'm really capable of talking much, though. A cheesy one-liner is one thing, but the only thing really on my mind is…"

"Oh, no… I was hoping we could read? Even if it's just something you have lying around…"

A thought emerges from the dark ocean of unhappiness that's overtaken my mind for the past almost-day. "Sure. C'mon." I lock the door back and head upstairs, not realizing Natsuki isn't following until I stop at the top and turn around.

"What, to your room?" She sets the cooler down, but doesn't make a move towards the stairs.

"Well… yeah? That's where my manga is… I guess I could bring it down, if you want." I get why she's hesitant, but I sure didn't expect it, not from her. "Besides, I got a couple new books that I was going to give to you anyways. Gotta make you work for the surprise." I turn and head down the hall, into my room. It takes me a minute to remember where I put the books I just mentioned, and a little longer to dig them out. When I turn around, I jump a little, startled to see Natsuki standing in the doorway, for some reason. She grins as she notices me jump, but looks away, playing it off like she didn't see. Cute.

Then it's my turn. I jump onto the bed and move so that my back is to the wall, then nod for her to come sit beside me. The look she gives me is priceless, the only time I've ever seen someone convey a slow, horrible threat of death with a single, unchanging expression. This changes when I hold the first book up, however, and my friend squeals before she can help herself, clamping both hands over her mouth in shame. "I didn't know that was even out yet!"

Super Sundae Squad. A spinoff of Parfait Girls, the first manga I read with Natsuki. To be honest, I hadn't know it had been released yet either, I just happened to run across it while looking for some other books over the weekend. Having looked over the first few pages without her, I was surprised to find it to be a (slightly) more action-packed, comedic, vaguely shonen title, a kind of strange, dessert-based take on Sailor Moon or a more girly, food based Sentai book.

For her part, Natsuki tries to quell her excitement as she climbs onto the bed beside me, even lingering a good six inches away before finally easing up against me. I put my arm around her shoulders, if only so I can hold the book where we can both read it, and I can feel her face getting hotter. "D-don't…"

"No, you. This is the only way to sit like this and not block part of a page for one of us. You don't make it weird and I won't." She starts to protest, but the words never make it out. Smiling, she pretends to pout as she looks down, and we soon settle into reading. Even if this isn't anything other than friendly, I really needed something like this after yesterday, and halfway through the first book, I make a note to myself to make sure Natsuki knows that when she leaves.

We finish the first book. As I set it aside and crack open the second, I become aware that Natsuki is resting her head on my shoulder. I don't say anything, and we make it through the second book and into the third -a completely unrelated series that starts of cutesy and magical-girly before turning into something absolutely horrible that Natsuki's never heard of and I bought to mess with with her- when I notice the time. It's still a little early, but almost time for her to leave, if she wants to get back in time for last period. I slip a bookmark into the volume and set it on top of the other two. Against my expectations, this doesn't break the spell, and we sit for another couple minutes in silence. For the first thirty seconds, I'm incredibly anxious, like I need to fill the dead air with a terrible joke, but I force myself to stay calm. The clock keeps ticking -so to speak, since it's digital- and eventually, I have to say something- "'suki?"

"I know. I just wanted to enjoy this for a little longer. It's not going to get any easier, is it?" The question is one I wasn't expecting, even if it's something I've been wondering myself. She notices, she has to; I don't know what gave it away, but there's some kind of tell. "Even if she's okay, even if we find her…"

And then it clicks. She's not asking what I thought she was at first. That was something I was expecting, maybe not today, but soon, and never not too soon. It's not a question I wanted think about, especially not today, but if I don't answer… "No." The same jelly-legs sensation I felt when she offered to stay longer catches me a second time, and I taste the beef sushi again. "How did…?"

Natsuki hesitates, squirms a little, but this turns out to be so she can look at me without being below my eye level. "She told me."

"Oh." Then Sayori probably told her I shot her down, too. My mouth is suddenly incredibly dry, and the unhappy thoughts come racing back like ravenous zombies. I can feel a familiar sting in the corners of my eyes. She got through this whole… thing… without pushing me to talk about my feelings, didn't even make a joke about how bad I must look, and then I did this to myse-

Everything stops, for the second time in twenty-four hours. She has to kneel in a uncomfortable position straddling one of my legs, but Natsuki has wrapped her arms around me, in the opposite of our hug from earlier. "I don't know where we are, either, but it means the difference between Sayori being okay or not…"

My arms are stiff as I cross them at her back. Despite my best efforts, I find myself crying into her shoulder, but I still manage to finish her sentence with "I can wait," before my voice cracks.

This goes on for too long; she's already almost late now, and she will be late to her last class, for sure. We head back downstairs, and end up hugging again on the stoop. When she's not looking, I slip the two Super Sundae Squad books into the cooler; I know she'll notice the weight increase, but I still have to try. I don't have anything else to say, and it doesn't seem like Natsuki does either. She stops at the end of the walkway, though, flashes a small smile, and says "text me later, okay?"

"Okay," and I feel somehow stupid for only saying that, like I should have said "I love you," or something, and then instantly feel even more stupid for thinking that. I smile back, but can't help but feel it's hollow, a mask stretching and straining against the pressure of all the woe creeping back into my brain. I watch her walk away until I can't see her anymore, then head back inside. As I do, I remember that I never locked the sliding glass door back, and head into the kitchen to do so.

Sitting on the table is something that definitely wasn't there when the two of us left the kitchen hours ago. A single cupcake, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap. At first, it's hard to make the details of the icing out, but as I pick it up, I recognize the form of a goofy, grinning, cartoon bat, Natsuki's take on an incredibly minor character from a silly harem manga we read months ago that I was fond of. Between the plastic and being carried around all day in a cooler before coming here, it's a bit smooshed, but I can make the features out well enough to know that this was made just for me. I lock the door and take the cupcake with me as I head back upstairs. Before peeling back the plastic, I set it on my desk and text Natsuki, asking if she'd like to come over Friday night for dinner, and maybe sleep over, if she'd be interested.

Then I peel back the dessert's plastic wrapper and it becomes obviously that Natsuki got the last laugh after all- the bat's nose and mouth are tiny pieces of black licorice.

What kind of a monster puts black licorice on a cupcake?!