To Guard You, To Guide You
Promise me that all you say is true,
That's all I ask of you.
*Trigger warning* There is a mention of rape in this chapter.
He imagined it perfectly, he imagined her perfectly in that moment.
Of course now, he had a mental image of what each of his students would be like.
There was the rambunctious and wealthy Raoul DeChagny. He was one of those students that did not know he was intelligent or that he knew that he held even a grain of knowledge in his brain. Yet, Professor Lantier knew that he was smart, brilliant maybe. Certainly, Mr. DeChagny was cunning, a smooth talker. His blond hair often fell in single strands over his forehead, making it clear that it was time for a haircut, but day after day, Raoul DeChagny would go to the extra effort of putting each fallen strand behind his ear, one after the other. Sometimes, the motion was so mindless, Mr. DeChagny would not even recognize he was doing it. Professor Lantier noted it down as a nervous tick.
Everyone has one. Some more than others, but undoubtedly, every single person nervously clutches the bottom of their already crinkled shirt or vigorously bounces their knee up and down, causing their whole desk to shake in nervousness. It is always one or the other. Maybe it is both, but usually in Professor Lantier's experience, the individual does not even notice that they're nervous and to him, that was the best part of teaching.
Observing and identifying each student's personality before they even opened their mouth to bid him 'Good Morning' was his favorite part about teaching.
That was his favorite part until she walked into the room.
And when she walked into the room, everything changed and as cliche as it sounded to him, even the great Erik Lantier began to tap nervously on his desk with his index finger; a motion he only knew he did twice in his whole life.
Three times the charm, though... Right?
Day Sixteen
This is wrong. I can't be thinking about one of my students like this. She's my student and I am engaged to be married!
MARRIED.
Are you crazy, Erik?
Fuck, I already know the answer to that question and the answer is yes.
I just... I just can't seem to get enough of her.
The way her hair falls effortlessly down her back and the way her green eyes light up every time I call on her...
She doesn't even know how much of an impact she makes on me every single day.
Every damn day I wake up just in pure anticipation.
I can't wait to go to class just to hear what she has to say about last night's reading assignment or yesterday's lecture... I can't get enough of her voice, her handwriting, her laugh...
I want to share each day with her.
Each night and each morning.
7:16am
"Were you really nervous to talk to me?" Christine's large eyes lit up as she scooted closer to The Composer, who was now sitting on his side of the bed - a sight almost never seen.
"Oh no, you've got it all wrong." The ballet dancer and soon to be mother crooned her head to the side in confusion, only to earn a large grin from The Composer in return. "I was nervous for you to talk to me." He only shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't understand... You're always so good with people, Erik. Why were you so nervous? I was a freshman in an advanced English class. If anything, I was the fish out of water." Erik almost spit his water, that statement stung so humorously within him.
Ha. Her. A fish out of water.
Erik smiled slowly, while the memories of his early teaching days flooded his memory. Beside him, sat the smartest girl in his class and yet, she never asked for anything in return for her brilliance.
In his experience, those who are as bright and brilliant as Christine, often look for something in return for the use of their ever-changing and forever expanding brain.
She on the other hand, ask for nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that Erik was happy.
"You were the most beautiful puzzle I ever had the pleasure of unraveling." Without missing a beat, Christine listened to the words The Composer spoke to her. It was like watching someone tie a gift with a freshly cut silk ribbon or watching the hot fudge fall effortlessly out of a Chocolate Lava Cake. It never faltered, it never failed.
It only reminded her that she was never going to be alone and that she was always going to be safe.
The Next Day
Erik was pacing again. The soles of his Edinburgh's gently floated just above the cool tile flooring of the doctor's office, where the giant poster that read, "YOUR BABY IS NOW THIS SIZE" hung intimidatingly high above Christine's head.
"Do you always have to pace like that, Erik? You're making me nervous." Christine sat up from the awkward seat, closing her legs. She hated these kinds of visits to the doctor.
"Are you going to want to know the sex of the baby?" Erik asked with a monotonous voice. He didn't even look at her.
"What?" Christine was taken aback by the question. In all seriousness, she hadn't even thought about that. "What do you mean, Erik?" That was a silly question and she regret asking it the moment it escaped her chapped lips.
"Are you going to want to know the gender of the baby you are currently carrying in your womb, Christine?" Erik turned to face the pale faced dancer. Her thick eyebrows were furrowed towards the center of her face, her expression confused and overwhelmed. As The Composer enunciated each syllable of his question, it finally dawned on the curly haired soon-to-be mother:
She was going to be a mother.
"Hello, Mrs. Lantier, how are you feeling today?" Christine's terminal silence was broken up by the smooth voice of the doctor entering the room. Erik stepped towards Christine in a motion to protect her, only he had nothing to protect. The doctor noted that Erik was probably just trying to assert his dominance in a room that dominance was not needed. As the doctor took her seat next to the large ultrasound machine, she sighed and smiled.
"I'm not Mrs. Lantier... Not yet, at least. Just call me Christine, please." The doctor nodded, placing the latex gloves over her skinny fingers. "I'm feeling alright. Nothing out of the ordinary or anything... I don't think-"
"She had some severe back pain the other night. Is that to be expected, Doctor Rhymer?" Erik interjected, only in Christine's best interest.
"Yes, back pain is usual, but severe back pain... How severe was it? On a scale of one to ten, Christine? One being very mild and ten being the worst you could imagine?" Christine scrunched up her face, trying to recall the back pain. To her dismay, she shrugged her shoulders and replied with a nonchalant 'Four.'
"No, it was more than that. Believe me, I was there." The doctor glanced at Christine's side for a moment with worried eyes, then moving her gaze up to Erik's, she blinked a few times with a shaky exhale.
"Christine, do you have any birth marks?" Christine shook her head. "I know about your captivity. Did it leave any lasting scars or lacerations?" Christine shook her head once more.
"Why are you asking all of these questions, Doctor?" The doctor sighed once again.
"How far along are you?" Christine shrugged. Doctor Rhymer reached for her file, but before she could open it, The Composer interjected once more.
"She's thirty-four weeks along." Doctor Rhymer stood up and went over to the phone, hung up on the wall, without saying a word. Picking up the phone, the doctor spoke quietly, only to aggravate Erik even more. "What's wrong? Doctor Rhymer, I'll have you know that I am a-"
"She's going to have an emergency C-Section. I'm having nurses take her to the OR now." Erik's eyes widened as Christine sat up in her seat.
"What? Is something wrong with the baby? What's wrong? Is the baby okay?" Christine reached for Erik's hand, only to be pushed back down by a blonde nurse. "What's going on? Why are there so many people in here?"
"Get her on the anesthesia immediately, on the heart rate monitor too. I need that baby girl out of her ASAP or she'll choke to death on her mother's blood. Come on ladies, let's get her to the OR." Doctor Rhymer was pointing and waving the five nurses that entered the room in all sorts of directions. Soon, the five nurses encircled Christine, blocking Erik's access to Christine. "Emergency C-Section, ladies. I've just paged Doctor Spencer. He's ready for you. Let's go, now."
In a ten second blur, Christine was gone and Erik was standing alone in the middle of a giant white hallway, with the news that the baby was a girl and his Angel was bleeding internally.
Nine Hours Later
"Christine? Christine, if you can hear me, open your eyes." The soft voice of Doctor Rhymer filled the once darkness that overcame Christine. Slowly, her eyes opened and as she glanced around the room, her body began to awaken with a soreness she could only imagine could meant one thing:
The baby was now out and in the world.
"Angel, you're awake. It's so good to see those beautiful emerald eyes of yours... So good..." Turning to her left, Christine smiled a small smile towards Erik, who had changed into his softer black mask. He was in a casual black V-neck and grey slacks. He was quite lucky. He got to shower.
"Where... Where is the baby..." Doctor Rhymer smiled, checking the monitors above Christine's head. "Is the baby okay? Did the baby make it out okay?"
"Your daughter is fine. Since she was preterm, she'll need to stay incubated for a while, but she is doing just fine. When you're feeling up to it, I can have your nurse take you to the NICU to see her." Christine nodded, sitting up in her bed. "I do have a couple of items to discuss with you both, though. If you are feeling up to it, Christine."
"Of course... Is something wrong?" Doctor Rhymer shook her head and smiled again.
"Well, first of all, congratulations. Your baby is beautiful and I'm very happy for you. Becoming first time parents is a big step. I'm sure you both are very-"
"We're not keeping her, Doctor. With all due respect... We aren't keeping her." Christine interrupted the doctor, looking down at her lap. Erik stood up to testify, his eyes immediately widened. "The baby is neither mine nor his. She is a result of a tragic and horrendous situation. She will be better off with a family who can neither conceive nor afford a private adoption. I'm sure the baby will be a blessing to another family."
"Christine, we didn't even discuss this. What are you doing? What are you saying?" Erik knelt beside Christine, grabbing her small hands in his. "Have you always been thinking this?"
"Yes, Erik. I never intended on keeping this child. She isn't ours." Doctor Rhymer picked up the baby's file and coughed to interrupted the silence. Erik and Christine turned their heads toward the doctor with both equally confused gazes. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no. I just... I just thought you two knew." Flipping through the file, Erik stood up and lifted his eyebrow in implication.
"Knew what, Doctor Rhymer?"
Doctor Rhymer took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, only to aggravate Erik and Christine even more.
Truly, she did believe someone had to tell them sooner or later.
"I thought you knew that you two are the baby's biological parents." Doctor Rhymer handed Erik the DNA test results and with a a straightening of her posture, she exhaled one final shaky breath. "Erik, Christine, that baby girl is one hundred percent your daughter... So... With all due respect, I suggest you two come up with a name for your daughter."
"That's impossible! I... I... I was raped! She can't be ours!" Christine began to sob, burying her face into her hands. "It can't be... She can't be..."
"Christine, Christine..." Erik gently set the file on the bedside table, kneeling beside Christine once again. "Christine, it's true... She is our daughter... We must have... Before you... Okay? It's true... Please... Please... Don't cry..." Erik quickly glanced towards the doctor and as she got the memo, she left the room to the two to discuss their current predicament.
"I spent the last thirty four weeks... loathing this baby... Absolutely hating myself and this child..." Christine mumbled into her hands. She couldn't bare the thought of naming her daughter. Not now. "How am I supposed to love a child... I've learned to hate?"
"With help, and guidance. Christine, let me help you, let me guide you to love." Erik smiled and placed a chaste kiss to Christine's forehead, reassuring her that he would never leave her. "The first step would be to name her. Why don't you take some time to name her, Christine?"
Christine took a deep breath in, steadying herself into a calmer aura. With a soft smile, she nodded and agreed.
"Charlotte. Charlotte Lantier."