It's been a long week since Tuesday.
Today was my first day back at school after finding Sayori missing. Ironically, it was the kind of day she might enjoy- bittersweet. A lot of my friends (and some of hers) found me throughout the day and delivered the same kind of messages I got from them earlier in the week, but in person. On one hand, it certainly did make me feel a little better than so many people care about her (and to a lesser extent, me), but at the same time, their words feel hollow. Don't tell me that you're there for me and if there's anything you can do, let you know, and then not go out and look for her.
Being bitter won't help me, or Sayori. I'm not sure I can stay in a good mood like this, not knowing where she is and if she's even alive or not, but I can at least try. I should try. I almost feel like I have to, like she won't come home if I don't.
I work my way through the day, answering questions with the same repeated, canned responses, two or three words most of the time (the most common being "I'm fine," or "I'm okay," which is a half-truth at best). Although no one really presses me on anything after their first question or two, I'm still pretty grateful for the few moments I'm left alone. I even notice Monika going out of her way to sit with me during lunch annoys me, though I (hopefully) manage to hide it. Just something about today, I guess.
The last bell is an incredible relief. No more questions. Nobody else coming to ask how I'm holding up, or if I've heard anything. Just… peace, or something close to it, for the next two days.
About a block and a half away from school, I hear someone say my name. It takes me a minute to recognize the voice as Yuri's, but when I do, I stop and turn. She catches up to me quickly, flashing a small smile as she stops. "I thought one of us should walk you home, MC-kun."
It's a surprisingly forward thing for her to do, even now. "Oh, sure." Having coasted through the day on autopilot, it seems like my mouth is working without the use of my brain. I try to add something meaningful, but most of what comes out is a series of "uhms" and "ers" that finally ends with "thank you," and then I start walking again, a little slower than before.
We resume the walk towards my neighborhood in silence. It's a weird kind of parallel to the days when I walk home with Sayori or Natsuki, but today… I'm grateful for it. Yuri seems happy enough just to be walking with me, anyways, so maybe it's for the better neither of us have much to say. To be honest, I'm not sure I could spit out much of anything coherent right now… brain feels like mush, between the stress and lack of sleep.
Not a single further word passes between us until we reach the gate of my house. Yuri smiles again, then looks away as she says, "good luck with your date with Natsuki."
"I… uh…" Did… did Yuri just make a joke? Was that a genuine well-wish? "Thanks, Yuri. Thanks again for walking me home, too."
"O-oh, sure. Monika and I talked about it earlier- she said you seemed upset at lunch. She wanted to come too, but she had something to do after school." Back to normal, dear-in-the-headlights Yuri. I decide to take her last statement as genuine. After a series of usual pleasantries -more thank yous, have a good weekend, see you Monday- I head through the gate and up the walk to my front door. Yuri doesn't start to walk away until I turn to close the front door behind me, and I'm oddly thankful for that, too. It's a little strange, but I know her well enough for it to be endearing… I think. The Club's shared concern for each other is sweet, in any regard.
Okay, I think to myself. I have a couple hours before Natsuki is supposed to be here. Yuri's joke-wish plays through my head again, and I find myself increasingly nervous. Maybe that hadn't been an entirely serious comment, after all. My relationship with Natsuki is in a weird place, sure, but I hadn't really been considering this a date… I just thought we were going to hang out and read manga, like we usually do.
On second thought, I guess maybe there is something kind of sweet (vaguely romantic, even?) that I didn't tell her I was planning on cooking dinner. She always acts annoyed when I do, like I've somehow slighted her by not including her in the process or insinuating that I'm the better cook, but it's just an act and we both know it. It's the same kind of thing as how she pretends to be weirded out when we read together, but she gets up close to me as often as I do to her.
No sense in panicking, not yet, anyways. Not at all, really… just need to keep reminding myself of that. The house gets a little darker as a rain cloud passes by overhead, and for just part of a second, I consider canceling on her, but…
The moment passes, but it feels like the cloud's still hanging around. Staring off into space, past the kitchen and the yard beyond, it turns stormy, something worse than rain.
It's probably better if she stays over tonight. For both of us.
I take a deep breath and head into the kitchen, willing away the rain. Don't dwell on it. That only makes it worse. Think about something happy until it goes away. There's prep work I can do now so I don't have to work as hard later. Not knowing exactly what time she'll be here, I don't want to have everything ready too early, but I'd hate to keep her waiting, too.