LillyMayFlower: Thanks so much and I bet. I always love seeing your comments, and I love seeing your stories even more.

Guest: Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I hope you like the update.Thank you to "LillyMayFlower" by the way who had the idea of Connie getting Lily a copy of Alice in Wonderland for her birthday. Sorry, I forgot to mention this in the previous chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lily was sat in the passenger seat of the car, her eyes focused on the first chapter of Alice in Wonderland. She was smiling to herself as she read it, her head leaning wearily against the glass window. It was one of the best presents that she'd ever received, such a thoughtful one as well, and she was so grateful to Connie.

"Right!" Iain clambered into the driver's seat and slammed the door. "Are you ready to go? The flat is locked up, the picnic is in the boot, and I have the most beautiful girl ever next to me."

Lily smiled and carefully folded the corner of the page down so that she could save her place. She set the book in her lap and did her seatbelt up, smiling across at Iain.

"How are you feeling?" Iain asked. "Nervous?"

Lily faintly nodded, her body tensing up.

"Don't be," Iain said, as he started the engine and put the car in gear. "You've got me, alright? I'll look after you, and I won't let anything happen to you."

Reassured, Lily nodded in response. She was excited about the beach as well, but there was still that little voice in the back of her mind that told her something bad was going to happen. She wished that she could push it to one side and ignore it, but it wasn't that easy.

The car journey was pretty silent with only the sound of the radio. Iain was humming along quietly to it as he drove, and Lily just stared out of the window at the beautiful countryside that they were passing.

Lily had been to the beach loads of times as a child. Her parents always refused to take her, so she often went with her grandparents. It was one of her favourite memories as a child. When they got near to the beach, the last one to shout out "I can see the sea!" had to buy the ice-creams. Of course, Lily's grandparents always waited until Lily had said it first.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked her, after a very long moment of silence.

Lily nodded with a huge smile on her face. It wasn't even a lie. She felt great.

"How was Lily's birthday then?" Zoe asked.

She went to stand beside Connie, who appeared to have her head in a large stack of paperwork. The ED was busy as usual, but it always seemed to get like that whenever they were short staffed.

"It was actually really nice," Connie answered, with a smile. "And Lily seemed to enjoy it. Iain has taken her to the beach today and I've asked him to let me know whether she talks or not. She saw Helen this week and I've had an email from her to say that Lily still isn't talking."

"Bless her," Zoe sighed sympathetically, giving the clinical lead sad eyes.

"Yeah, it's worrying," Connie whispered. "I honestly thought that she'd be getting better now, but I guess I was wrong. She spoke to me the other day though, didn't she?"

"Because it was on her own terms. Her anxiety isn't going to go away just like that, Connie," Zoe said, clicking her fingers. "It takes time. It could be years until she's back at work."

Connie sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair. She really did not want to hear those words, but she knew that Zoe was right. Lily spoke when she wanted to, and when she felt comfortable enough.

"She's just in a really dark place at the moment, Zoe," Connie whispered. "And it's horrible to watch. Lily used to be so confident and talkative, and now look at her."

"She'll get better," Zoe reassured her. "Honestly. With the right help, she will."

Connie nodded, whispering a very small, "Yeah." She didn't seem convinced by Zoe's words.

"I actually wanted to ask you something," Zoe said.

"Oh yeah?" Connie raised her eyebrows at her. She thought she knew what Zoe was going to ask already. "What is it?"

"I was wondering if I could have my old job back at all," Zoe said.

She was right.

"What's wrong with America?" Connie asked.

"It's not Holby." Zoe gave a small shrug and leant back against the desk with her arms folded. "Being back has made me realise that I've really missed this place. I love it here and I love everyone who works here as well."

"Well, we always worked well together I suppose," Connie said. "Come on, we'll talk more about it in the office."

"I am stuffed," Iain groaned, as he collapsed back on the sand with his hands across his stomach. "Good picnic?" He asked, looking across at Lily who was sat beside him with her knees hugged to her chest.

She nodded.

"You can talk to me, you know?" He whispered, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. "We're in a quiet patch, so no one's going to hear us. I promise."

Lily smiled and opened her mouth to talk. She gulped and small tears shone her eyes, as a young girl ran past them. She couldn't. What if Iain was wrong? What if they did hear her?

She shook her head and began to run her hand along the sand, hoping to distract herself.

"Lily, you're safe," he whispered.

"I...I know," she whispered back, stumbling over her words slightly.

Iain's eyes widened at the sound of her voice and a small smile spread across his face.

"I...I know I'm safe," she carried on. "But...It...It's like there's another part of me, telling me that I'm not. Have you ever been so scared, that...You feel like you can't say anything to anyone?"

"I have," Iain sighed, shutting his eyes briefly at the horrible memories. "The helicopter crash, and when I was in the army."

"That...That's kind of like how I feel," Lily whispered, choking up slightly at her words. "Every day."

There was a long pause.

"To me, anxiety feels like being lost in a big city where you don't speak the language," Lily then said. "Or...Or driving alone on a completely deserted motorway. You hear a noise that wouldn't cause any real reaction if you heard it during the day at work, but hearing it alone in this new city makes your heart race and your body prepare for fight. You become extra sensitive to everything else around you; sights, smells, whatever, because your body is trying to figure out if you're threatened. Do you get me?"

"Yeah, I do." Iain nodded. For the first time ever, he really understood what his girlfriend was going on. "It must be tough."

"It is." Lily nodded back at him, watching as the sand fell through the gaps in her fingers. "Really tough. People think I can help it, but I can't. I...I want to talk, but I can't."

"But you're talking now," Iain whispered.

"But it wasn't easy," Lily pointed out. "And...I...I trust you." She hung her head and sniffed, removing her thick hair out of her face. "If I'd come here by myself, I wouldn't have managed it at all. It would have basically been impossible for me." She smiled and turned to lock eyes with Iain. "Thanks for bringing me."

"You're very welcome," Iain replied. "And it's good to hear you talking so much as well."

Lily looked away again, apologising under her breath. She felt bad. She hadn't realised how much she'd been talking. Iain probably hated her now.

"No, don't be sorry," Iain told her. "It was beautiful. You're beautiful."

Lily just nodded and said, "don't tell anyone, will you?"

"No," Iain promised her, after a moment of some hesitation. "I won't."

This was probably my favourite chapter to write so far. I adored coming up with the conversation between Lily and Iain. Please let me know what you think.

Also, I don't know if any of you are interested but I posted a new story yesterday called "Finding Each Other." I'd really appreciate it if you could check it out and leave a comment on it.

Thank you x