Scarlett: Thanks so much! That's alright, and Lily and Connie is definitely my favourite friendship to write for. I will definitely consider Jasmine's idea. If you have any requests that you'd like me to write, feel free to let me know.
Chapter Thirty-One
"I forgot to give you this the other day," Helen said, handing a card to Lily. "How was your birthday? I hope that everybody spoiled you rotten."
Lily just grasped the card in her hands, anxiously and carefully ripping the envelope. She could tell by the look on Helen's face that she wanted her to open it in front of her. It was a lovely card though, and on the front was a rabbit holding a bunch of brightly coloured balloons. Lily gave her a thankful smile and just placed the card on her lap.
"So, I would like to talk to you about something today," Helen said. "I heard that something wonderful happened when you and Connie went to Starbucks the other day."
Lily just shifted uncomfortably in her chair, trying her best to avoid eye contact with Helen.
"You managed to order your own drink," Helen said. "I'm really proud of you, Lily. I understand that it wasn't easy for you, but you did it."
Forcing a smile, Lily nodded.
"You've been doing really well, Lily," Helen said. "So Connie and I are just struggling to understand why you refuse to talk in my sessions. I'm a specialised speech therapist so I'm supposed to help people talk, but you need to want that help."
Lily shrugged her shoulders. She wanted nothing more than to get out of there.
"Okay," Helen whispered. "I want you to close your eyes for a second."
Lily nodded, slowly shutting her eyes.
"Now, imagine you are somewhere other than this room," Helen said. "Somewhere that makes you feel safe, nowhere scary or frightening. It could be the seaside, a place from your childhood, or even the ED. Got that?"
Lily nodded again, picturing herself at the beach with Iain. She'd had such a lovely day, and she'd felt so safe and happy with his company. She hoped that the two of them would go back some day.
"Okay, so picture yourself with someone you trust," Helen said. "Someone you're close with."
Lily pictured Iain in her mind. The two of them were laid back on the sand, sunbathing, just the two of them.
"Keep that picture in your mind," Helen said, taking a small iPod with a pair of headphones out of her bag. "Now, I want you to try your very best to tell me how you are feeling in that picture."
She selected the song, put the headphones on her head and over her ears and set the iPod down in her lap.
"In your own time," Helen whispered. "Keep visualising that picture for me, and just relax."
"I..." Lily hung her head, clutching the iPod between her fingers.
She pictured her and Iain on the beach, laughing, talking as if nothing had ever happened. It was just the two of them. Lily thought about how she was feeling at the beach, and how Iain made her feel.
"Happy," she whispered, keeping her eyes shut. The music continued to play in her ears. "I...I want to live at the seaside with Iain, by the water. I...I feel safe when I'm with him, I feel like I can talk to him about anything. I...I love him."
"You're doing really well, Lily," Helen praised, smiling at the sound of her voice. "Now, this may seem scary but I want you to tell me how you might be feeling on one of your bad days."
Lily shook her head. She moved her hands so that she was sitting on them, and slowly rocked back and forth. Her eyes were glued shut, and suddenly her whole picture went wrong. The clouds turned a horrible dark shade of grey, rain began to fall from the sky, and Iain disappeared out of sight.
"I don't know what to do," she cried.
She brought her hands out from underneath her and started to scratch at her arms.
"Lily, stop," Helen said, getting out of her chair and walking over to her. "What's wrong?" She asked, gently taking hold of her wrist.
"I...I hate it," Lily continued to cry. "When...When I have bad days, it's like the whole world is against me. I just want everything to end. I...I remember what happened, I think of him, and...I hate myself. I...I just want to jump off a bridge or...Swallow my whole pot of medication. I'm just not strong like everyone else."
"Why don't we stop there?" Helen asked, slowly removing the headphones for her. "You are strong. You've come this far, haven't you?"
"I...I don't feel it," Lily gasped between tears. "And I feel awful, because Iain doesn't deserve me. I can't do the normal, relationship things that everyone else can do because I...I just see 'his' face every time and I hate it!"
"I know it's hard, but you're coping well," Helen comforted her. "And listen, I don't ever want to hear you talk about ending your life. You have so much to live for, and you'd be missed terribly."
"Sometimes it doesn't feel that way," Lily whispered, fiddling nervously with the wire of the headphones.
"I'm going to grab you a tissue," Helen told her. "Do you want a drink at all?"
Lily nodded thankfully, forcing a small smile through her tears.
"Alright, lovely," Helen said, standing up straight. "I think I have a packet of chocolate chip cookies tucked away in my desk drawer as well. You did well to tell me all of that Lily, even if it was with the music."
She grabbed Lily a glass of water, handed her the box of tissues that she kept on her desk, and then began to open the packet of cookies. Lily took one shyly, and dabbed at her watery eyes with a tissue.
"Have you got anything planned for this evening?" Helen asked.
Lily shook her head, sniffing and continuing to wipe her tears away.
"I bet you'll be pleased to get back to work, eh?" She then said.
Lily nodded, but the thought of being off work for so long just made her cry harder. She missed her job so much. She missed working.
"You'll be back soon, Lily," Helen whispered. "I promise you. Now, would you mind if we call Iain in? I'd like to have a word with him."
Lily hesitated, smiling weakly, as her tears continued to fall. Eventually, she managed to shake her head.
Gem arrived home from work that night to a quiet flat. She pushed open the door to Iain's bedroom and saw that Lily was fast asleep in his bed, without Iain. Gem frowned to herself and exited, closing the creaking door behind her.
"Iain," she whispered, strolling into the living room and setting her backpack down on the floor.
Iain was sprawled out on the sofa, asleep and with an empty plate on the floor beside him. Gem sighed and sat herself in the armchair, grabbing the remote to switch on the TV. She made sure to turn down the volume so that it wouldn't wake her brother, but he was already stirring.
"You're home late," Iain grumbled.
"Actually, I'm home early," Gem chuckled. "It's half past four. How long have you been asleep?"
"I don't know," Iain sighed. "Lily had an upsetting therapy session, so she went to bed. I feel pretty exhausted myself though."
He yawned and rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands.
"You need to take care of yourself, bro," Gem said. "You're going to make yourself ill otherwise. What happened with Lily though?"
"I don't know," he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "She just said some upsetting stuff, that's all. Helen called me in at the end of the session to talk to me, and it just doesn't seem like Lily is as okay as she makes out to be. There's still a lot that she's not telling us."
"Like what?" Gem asked, gulping and turning off the TV. "She spoke though, right? That must have been good."
"Not exactly." Iain rolled his eyes.
"What did she say?" Gem asked.
Talking about the stuff that Lily was going through upset her, but then again she wanted to know what was going on. She didn't like to be left out in the dark, unaware of what was going on with her friend.
"Gem..." Iain sighed heavily.
"I'm not a child," Gem snapped at him.
"Okay, fine," he whispered, climbing off of the sofa and picking up his plate to take it into the kitchen. "She talked about ending her own life, alright? I'm going to and see if she's okay."
Iain dragged himself into the kitchen and chucked the plate into the sink with a crash. Gem stayed where she was, a small tear rolling down her face. She sniffed and hiccuped, hoping that Iain wouldn't hear her small sobs. He obviously did, because he came back into the living room and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Hey," he whispered. "She'll be fine. Why don't you order us a pizza, eh?"
"Sure," Gem agreed, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "The usual?"
Iain nodded, patting her shoulder comfortingly before walking away.
"Iain," Gem called him back quickly.
"What is it?" Iain asked, popping his head back round the door.
Concern filled his eyes, but Gem appeared to be smiling.
"I love you," she said to him.
Iain smiled back and nodded, small tears forming in his chocolate brown eyes. "I love you too, little sister."
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think. I'm surprised that I've written so many chapters for this story to be honest.