Sorry that it's taken so long to update, I've had this for a while but i didn't get the opportunity to upload until today.
This is the funniest and liveliest chapter that I will do for my story, and it will be the longest by far, and it has given me great joy in writing it, especially writing down the jokes and having Sarah's opinion on it.
Disclaimer: As usual, Rhoda Presley (My name) does not, and will not ever own any of the Cullen or Denali characters that appear in the following chapter.
(Sorry, as I was typing the disclaimer above I heard my-self thinking it in a director/movie style voice, it sounded funny to me.)
Sarah POV
After yesterday dynamics I had hoped that this day would be a good one before rule change came, and I turned this family around. The children had told all of the grown-ups last night that they were going to hold a comedy night, so they wanted some space to be able to rehearse without anyone disturbing them, Carlisle had granted them the garage and attic and basement to rehearse.
My problems began when I was asked to wake them all up at 6am sharp, which was requested by Alice. They had all gone to bed at 9pm, which is the earliest they've ever gone.
I managed to wake my-self up 10 minutes before six, which was a real surprise for me. I headed of to Alice and Rosalie's room once I was dressed.
I knocked on the door before I entered the room.
"Alice! Rosalie! Tanya!" I shouted. "Come on time to wake up. It's six o'clock so please don't complain at me."
Unsurprisingly, Tanya was the only one who woke up immediately. She smiled at me before she got up off the air bed and woke Alice and Rosalie up.
"Thank Sarah," she said "I see you've had this problem before, in the future just threaten them that you will burn their most prized possession, it works every time."
"What do you mean?" I asked, surprised.
"Watch this," she commanded. "Alice! I'm going to burn all of your clothes if you don't wake up. Rose! I'll destroy that ring of yours if you don't get up."
"Oh no you won't." Was the reply from both girls.
They shot out of bed faster than I could comprehend. Alice went straight into the walk-in wardrobe probably to check if all of her stuff was in there, Rosalie checked her jewelry box, presumably to see if a ring was in there. I left them to their own devices to wake up the boys next door.
"Did I just hear my sister threaten both of yours that she'd destroy their most prized possessions if they didn't get up." I heard a voice say whilst I was still stood outside the room.
"Yeah by the sounds of it, what you sister doesn't realize Garrett is that doing that will also wake up me and Jazz, because they practically scream their response." Emmett responded.
"But hey, it work's, I wonder why Sarah hasn't come to wake us up yet?" Jasper said.
I knocked on the door and called out "Boys I hope you're getting up."
"We are." Was the response I got back.
Two rooms down, two more to go.
On my way to, Isabe... Bella and Renes... Nessie's room, I saw that the door was half way open.
"Seriously our siblings should raise their voice a little bit louder, don't you think? I think that old lady who lives at the far end of town didn't quite catch what they said." Kate was saying.
"Well you're brother always states what he sees, as does your sister." Bella said "But I agree with you our siblings are very loud."
"You know, it would be nice for once that we get woken up the right way instead of because someone's threatening our siblings in order to wake them up." Nessie then said.
"So true," the other two replied.
"Let's go wake up the boys, at least we know how to wake them up without sending them into a panic attack." Bella said before exiting the room with the other two behind her.
"Hey Sarah," they called out.
From upstairs it looked as if though the boys had already been woken up as there was movement quite quickly, and the girls headed straight back down the stairs.
"We should call dibs on the basement." Kate said.
They laughed before heading back into their room.
I headed downstairs to get a bit of piece and quiet before they all came downstairs. My chance of not having to talk to anyone was shattered immediately when I saw that Carlisle, Eleazar and Carmen had convened themselves to the couch. Not wanting to seem rude, I quickly joined them and picked up on the conversation very quickly.
"I think the last time they did anything like this was shortly after Garrett had joined our family, and Edward and Nessie joined yours, as well as Bella." Carmen said.
"So that's what, about... 5 years ago?" Eleazar asked.
"Yeah, it was. I think they did it as a way to bond with one another." Carlisle said.
"Hi parents." I heard the children call out as they came down the stairs.
"Hi children." They called out to the children coming down the stairs.
I didn't understand what was so funny when they all burst out laughing. To me it seemed quite rude not to say the proper title of a person with in your family.
"What time are you putting on the show the?" Carmen asked.
"Well it's going to be a long night, so let's say we start at 4, at least then we know we will be finished before the day ends." Alice answered.
Why did either she or Edward answer the question? It was puzzling to me.
"Of course we could start an hour earlier or later depending on if we get our acts together." Bella casually said.
When they all burst out laughing, I got the feeling that there was a second meaning to her words, it felt like they were laughing at me, but I didn't quite understand.
They all chose their rehearing stations, as they referred it as, and went off for the day. I saw that they only came out to use the bathroom or to grab something to eat. The girls had chosen the basement, and the guys chose the garage, none of them went up to the attic.
At 2 pm they all came through to the living room before telling their parents that they were going to get ready for their show. And so they headed off up stairs.
"So I reckon that we have about 2 hours to spare then." Carlisle mumbled.
"Why's that?" I asked harsher than I intended to.
"Alice will be up their sorting out outfits for them all, that can take a while plus with our girls they will spend a long time perfecting their hair and make-up, they go all out for such simple things." Carmen answered.
Sure enough nearly two hors later they came down stairs. [Unbeknown to Sarah they had actually been talking about how the acts will go out, and who would say what jokes. As well as discussing a few things that would happen during the shows to make them interesting.]
"Ladies and Gentlemen... the children of the proud parents in this very room have prepared for a night like no other," Alice started.
"And like no other this night shall be, there will be laughter, and God hopes there shall be happy tears." Bella continued.
"For it is our greatest pleasure, to entertain those who mean so much to us." Jasper then said.
"So sit back and relax," Garrett said
"And we hope you get and understand the jokes," Kate continued.
"And in advance, we apologize" Tanya said
"If we offend anyone." Rosalie said with a big grin.
"Ok guys, cut it with the crap." Edward said, rolling his eyes.
"Edward..." the all said.
"Basically we hope you enjoy this very much and let's get this party started..." Jacob said.
"Emmett's going to begin, so everyone should sit down." Nessie said.
Emmett stood in the middle of the living room floor. He began pacing for side to side, like he was nervous.
"Did I ever tell you," he began "That I was bullied in school."
"Awwwh..." the others called out.
"Guys that really doesn't help. I was bullied by pirates."
They all started laughing.
"How can you do that? I was also bullied by hyenas."
They all then clapped.
"And seals, you guys just don't get it do you?"
Everyone burst out laughing. Oh... now I got it. I actually thought for a second he was being serious. Bullied in school, everyone says awwwh, he replies by pirates, they then laugh, he tells them by hyenas as well, so then they clap, so he tells them by seals also. I really needed to keep up.
"Any way, yesterday this guy bet me to walk around the world in 80 days, I told him I could do it in 2 seconds, he says 'how?'. I grab the world globe that's was on the teachers desk and walked around it, '"See" I told him "It's a world record"' that guy stormed off, and I still don't know why"
Everyone burst out laughing again, I joined in as well.
"I was walking into town when this woman came running frantically up the road, she stopped when she saw me and said 'Have you seen Yoda?' I asked her 'From Star Wars?' she said 'No, from my home' I told her that I had never seen Yoda at her home, so she told me to keep a look out for her. Anyway about an hour later I saw this dog that was trapped in a bush by the park so I thought I'd go over and help the poor thing out, as I looked at it's name collar it read 'Yoda', do you know how much of an idiot I felt."
Everyone laughed again.
This carried on for another 20 minutes, Emmett really did give everyone a good laugh. Maybe he could be a comedian in the future.
"Thank you everyone for listening, next up is Bella. The floors all yours little sis." Emmett said before sitting down.
"Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the tallest Mountain in the world?" She asked.
Everyone called out suggestions such as Ben Nevis, Mt. Kilimanjaro, and a few others I didn't know, personally I thought it was The Alps.
"Just so that you know, you're all wrong, it was Mt. Everest." She told us.
Everyone laughed, apart from me.
"You just asked us which was the tallest mountain, before it was discovered." I said feeling a little dumb.
"It was still the tallest even before it was discovered."
Oh.
"Ok... moving on." She said before continuing "Jim's car is swerving all over the road..."
"Bella this had better be better." Rosalie told her.
Jacob said, "It will be."
"Anyway... A cop pulls him over. He say's "Step out of the car, I'm going to need you to take a breathalyzer test."
Jim replies "I can't. You see I have really bad asthma that could set off an attack."
"Ok then," the cop replies "Then I will need to take a blood sample."
"Can't do that either," Jim responds "I'm hemophilic, if a wound is opened it won't stop bleeding, so I could bleed to death."
"Alright," the cop responds "Then you'll have to do a urine sample."
"That's not possible either," Jim tells him "You see I'm a diabetic so that could push my blood sugar level real low."
"Fine," the exasperated cop says "Then can you step out of the car and walk in a straight line."
"Can't do that either." Jim says
"Why not?" the cop asks desperately
"Well... because I'm drunk."
Everyone burst out laughing, it was a really good joke.
"I told you so." Jacob said to Rosalie.
"Hey Jake, don't you know 'I told you so' has a brother, he's called 'shut the hell up'" Bella said.
"Haha, very funny Bells, I've heard that before."
"So you should have," she told him before continuing.
Much like Emmett's act Bella's lasted for a total of 30 minutes, it probably would have been less time, but more likely than not she had to explain a few of her jokes. Next up was Garrett.
"A policeman saw a man walking down the street with a penguin. He told the man to take the penguin to the zoo. 'Good idea,' the man said, and off he went. The next day, the policeman saw the man again, he still had the penguin. 'I told you to take that penguin to the zoo,' the policeman said. 'I did,' the man replied. 'He really enjoyed that, so today I'm taking him to the cinema."
"Nice one Garrett," Eleazar said.
"Thanks, now I'm going to do my usual silly jokes. What do you call a deer with no eyes?" He asked
"No idea." Everyone answered
"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?" He then asked
"Still no idea." Everyone answered.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs, and is on fire?" he then asked.
"Still flaming no idea." The rest of the children answered.
It seemed that in his act Garrett included the audience more; he did a lot of knock-knock jokes, my favorite being when he said "Do you all know me."
Everyone answered "Yes."
"Knock, knock." He said
"Who's there?" we all said.
"I thought you said you knew me."
After he had finished both of his sisters went up. They did I great act together. One would tell the joke, and the other would either answer it or 'try to' before the other explained. Although a few times they made mistakes, I didn't know if it was accidental or on purpose but I kept my mouth shut.
By the time Jacob got up he started to tell a lot of 'dumb blonde' jokes, and it seemed that he was directing them at Rosalie. When I looked over at her it looked as if though she was mumbling something under her breath. ["Don't worry dog, I will be getting you back for this, that's for sure." She had whispered quietly, so that everyone but the human would hear.]
When he finally told some other jokes, that weren't really funny, I felt as if though they were being targeted at me. Though I wasn't so sure when I saw Nessie run out of the room, crying.
[In the other room, what Sarah didn't realize was that Nessie had been told to run out of the room, when the jokes got so bad, crying so that it would seem like Jacob had upset her in some way, in the other room Nessie was trying so hard to not burst out laughing.]
I saw Carlisle stand up and head out of the room whilst the children looked on in his direction. Everyone turned around to look at Jacob, actually glare was the better word.
Jacob quickly wrapped up his act by introducing Rosalie up. It seemed as if though he didn't want to continue, I thought that was a wise choice.
"I'm sorry my dear brother, but Nessie and I were doing an act together and you've upset her so I can hardly perform on my own, Jasper you can go." She said looking at her brother.
[In the other room Carlisle was talking to Nessie. "Why did you run out of the room?" He asked her.
"Alice saw that Sarah would think it was directed at her, but you know Jacob so I got asked if I could run out crying seeing as the only people who can cry tears are me and Jacob." She answered honestly.
"But why are you guys doing this?" he'd asked.
"Well when you see what Sarah has in store for us all next week, you'll understand. We're having a group meeting tonight so you can be fully updated on everything, don't worry Pop's everything will soon make sense." She replied before they headed back into the living room.]
As Jasper was finishing up his act I saw Carlisle and Nessie walk back into the room. Carlisle had his arm draped over her shoulder, and before she sat down with the others he hugged her. I had never felt so jealous in my whole life; my relationship with my real children was never like that, ever.
I saw Rosalie whisper something in Renesmee's... Nessie's, damn it, ear. Nessie nodded her head and the two girls stood up.
"Hey Ness, have you heard the story about Goldilocks?"
"Sure, the one where she comes across a charming house that was hidden in the middle of the woods, she steps inside and sees that no-one is home. And then she feels hungry and comes across 3 bowls of porridge. And she tastes each one till its just right."
"Yeah well I heard that after that she was feeling tired so she headed up the stairs, she went into the bedrooms of the first two doors but neither bed was right, so she went to the third door, when she opened it she got a surprise. Inside there was three little pigs."
"I'm guessing she told them that they were in the wrong fairy tale."
"Well one of the pigs said to her 'No we're not, this is a two-story house."
Everyone started laughing again.
Nessie then said "Doctor, doctor, I feel like a cup of tea."
Rosalie then said "So do I. Make me one while you're at it."
They told a lot more doctor, doctor jokes switching roles a lot. They were quite funny and everyone got a good laugh out of them. When they had finished they said that it was Edward's turn.
"Sorry guys. I don't know any jokes. I guess the laugh has taken it out of me. Sorry I meant the jokes have taken it of me, no... Wait, someone help me please?" he said.
Alice stood up and made her way over to him. For a moment I was puzzled but the looks on the children's faces showed that they weren't.
"Seriously Edward, you'll never make a joke at this rate. I know the saying goes 'slow and steady wins the race' but in this case it doesn't"
Everyone but me, was stifling a laugh.
"Alice you're awfully small, to be so majorly irritating."
"And yet when you so tall, you can't even make a tall order."
At that everyone, but me, was laughing. I was still puzzled by what was going on, after a minute I realized that they were doing an act together, I felt so stupid to not realize.
Alice and Edward were making jokes about one another, as well as other family members. A few times I heard gasps, or I would saw someone look down or away in embarrassment. By this point I looked up at the clock to see that it was 9.45pm, I had to admit time had flown by.
Just when I thought this whole thing was over, all of the kids stood up and started singing an unfamiliar song, in an unfamiliar language, but I was guessing Spanish.
[It was a song they had titled 'Forever too deep', they had spent the night working it out, they were singing their song in Spanish as they had found out it sounded romantic and caring.]
After they had finished their parents stood up and clapped for them all. That was before praising them and giving them hugs. After a while they informed their children that it was time to go to bed, and without complaining, like the night before, they went straight upstairs.
Thank God for that.
Just a quick update about the pause before '5 years ago', as you maybe aware they are talking in decades, in this case they were just saying that last time they did something like this was a long time ago, but imagine if they had said 50 years ago, what do you think Sarah's face would look like? Priceless I bet. It's funny to joke about things like that though, especially considering that in the process they would have told another lie.
The text that are in these [ ] are set in a third person perspective so that it gives you guys an insight of what is going on without having to change the character POV.
When I originally typed this, that part where Carlisle asks Ness why she 'ran out of the room' actually said, 'room out of the room', I quickly realized my mistake.
I really hoped you all enjoyed this. The song that is titled isn't a real song, just a title that I created as I love making up songs.