Thanks to improvements Tali and the engineers had made to the drive core, the trip to the Citadel had taken a record-breaking low of ten days. Joker had been so impressed that he made the long trip down to the cargo bay to thank everyone who had worked on the improvements, not an insubstantial journey considering the state of Joker's bones. Unfortunately, it was his first trip down to the cargo bay since Garrus had begun target practice with Liara, and Shepard got an earful after the visit.
"My baby, my beautiful baby! How could you let them do this to her, commander?"
"Joker, it's just superficial. Easily repaired," she had assured him. He didn't care for her response, and spent an entire day avoiding her and the rest of the squad, sulking in a gloomy silence that permeated the bridge.
The reprieve from battle was much needed for everyone on the squad. Wounds were patched up and weapons and armor were repaired. Shepard slept well the first few nights, but then the nightmares came. In her dreams, she was back on Virmire, running toward Ash only to watch the gunnery chief's face slowly melt from her bones, the atomic blast of the bomb glowing behind her. The dream kept her up half the night whenever it happened, so she would venture to the observation deck, where she would typically find Garrus.
Neither of them mentioned her breakdown the night after Virmire. Shepard was grateful for Garrus' comfort, and for his discretion. She didn't want to talk about what had happened, it had embarrassed her after the fact, though she knew it shouldn't. Worse still, she had found such peace and comfort in his arms, which only stirred feelings she wasn't ready to deal with. As far as she was concerned, she had to stay focused on the mission.
When the Citadel finally came into view, Shepard's stomach was in knots. She was uneasy about the Council's desire to provide a fleet to assist her. Thus far, they had not believed anything she had to say about the Reapers, and Udina's involvement in the whole affair only made her more anxious.
Joker led the ship into dock, anchors clamping down on the sides, as Shepard and the squad entered the airlock. She wanted them all with her to recount what had happened on Virmire. Most of, Liara could be a potential voice of reason, having seen inside Shepard's mind to interpret the Prothean beacon's message.
Udina was waiting for them in the docking bay, lips pursed, eyebrows crinkled with his typical look of disgust.
"Shepard, I see you've brought your menagerie with you yet again," he sighed in greeting.
"They were all with me on Virmire," Shepard said. "They'll join us to meet the Council."
"If you insist. I've arranged a shuttle to take us to the Citadel tower."
The shuttle was waiting at the end of the docks. The squad clamored in, fitting inside the shuttle more comfortably than they had ever fit in the mako. Udina didn't say a word as they made their way to the Citadel tower, but he did spend the entire ride glaring at all of the aliens in turn, arms folded tightly across his chest; Shepard wished it were not a criminal offense to punch an ambassador.
Once they arrived at the tower, Udina led them up to the Council chambers, where the three councilors were awaiting their arrival. In front of the council, Udina's tone changed immediately.
"Good work, Shepard," he told her as the approached the Council, speaking loudly to ensure they could hear him. "Thanks to your hard work, the Council's finally taking real action against, Saren."
Shepard didn't respond, or give him even the benefit of her gaze. She stepped up in front of the councilors and put on her 'soldier face'. She would not betray emotion here, as long as she could manage it.
"Commander Shepard," Councilor Tevos addressed her. "We're glad you've returned to the Citadel. After much deliberation, we have decided on a plan of action."
"I'm pleased to hear that," Shepard said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Yes, if Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel, we will be ready for him. We've prepared our fleets. Patrols are stationed at every relay linking Citadel space to the Terminus systems," Councilor Sparatus spoke.
"A blockade?" Shepard asked in disbelief. "You think that will stop him? He's probably on Ilos right now, looking for the Conduit. You misled me. I was under the impression that you would be providing fleets to track him down on Ilos!"
"Sending a fleet through the Mu Relay to Ilos will start an all-out war with the Terminus systems!" Councilor Valern said. "Starting a war to prevent an assault from Saren is not an acceptable route."
"We must exercise discretion, Shepard." Udina turned his gaze to her. "Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Now that he's exposed, he is no longer a threat."
Shepard had never heard anything so stupid in her life. Garrus stepped forward, unprompted, also perturbed by the statement.
"He has an army of geth under Reaper control!" He growled. "Shepard has risked her life to bring this information to you. We lost one of our squad on Virmire to buy you time and you have the nerve to tell her that Saren's no longer a threat? We all saw what he was capable of on Virmire. Let me assure you, Councilors, the threat is very real."
"Do you always let your subordinates speak for you, Shepard?" Udina asked.
She clenched her fists, struggling to maintain her composure. "Garrus is right. Saren is more of a threat than ever now that he's being controlled by the Reapers."
"Your crew may believe you, commander." Councilor Tevos cast a skeptical glance at Garrus. "But only you have seen these Reapers, and then only in a vision."
"I have seen the vision too," Liara said, joining Shepard and Garrus. "I joined minds with commander Shepard. I saw the Reapers."
"You are still young, Dr. T'soni. You saw what Shepard's mind held. That doesn't make it any less of a dream," Tevos told her. "We will not invade the Terminus systems because of a dream."
"Then don't send a fleet. You've sent me this far. One ship in the Terminus systems won't start a war. Let me go after him. My squad knows how to be discreet," There was a sense of urgency in Shepard's voice that threatened to betray her emotions.
"I would hardly call detonating a nuclear device on Virmire discreet," Sparatus complained.
"That bomb saved you from an army of krogan!" She was losing her temper now.
"Your skill as a soldier served you well in the traverse, commander, we understand that. But Ilos requires a deft touch. We have the situation under control."
"No, you don't!" She yelled. "And if Saren gains access to the Conduit, we're all screwed. You have to let me go after him!"
Councilor Sparatus sighed. "Ambassador Udina, I get the feeling that commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go."
Udina was fuming, his neck a splotchy red color that was creeping into his face. "You have no clue about the political implications of your impudence, Shepard! Humanity made great strides because of your Spectre status, but I'm beginning to think you're more trouble than you're worth."
"You're a bastard, Udina," Kaidan surprised them all, speaking up from behind them. "And you're selling Shepard out for your own gains."
Udina took a breath and tried to collect himself. "This is just politics, Shepard. You've done what the Council tasked you with doing. Now let me do my job. Effective immediately we've locked out all of the Normandy's primary systems. You are grounded until further notice."
"This is bullshit!" Shepard burst. She could hold it in no longer. All the pomp and circumstance of military and social protocol meant nothing at that moment. What mattered was that they were locking her out of a mission she had done all the leg work on, and the consequences of those actions would be dire for not just the councilors, but the entire Citadel, possibly even the entire galaxy.
"Commander, I think it's time you and your squad take your leave. This mission no longer concerns you. The Council and I will handle it from here on out."
Powerless, Shepard turned to the Council one last time. "You're making a huge mistake," she warned them. Before they could respond, she stalked away, Garrus hurrying after her while the rest of the squad lagged behind, allowing her some space.
When she reached the elevator, she slammed her fist on the button to summon it. She had never felt so enraged in her entire life. How could the Council continue to ignore the matter? Was it willing ignorance? Cowardice? If the Normandy didn't get back out into the traverse soon then everything they had done since they started their search for Saren would have been in vain, including Ash's death.
"Shepard, what should we do now?" Garrus asked.
"I don't know," she said. "We've gone through so much. For them to do this…let's regroup on the Normandy. I need some time to think about it."
Garrus followed her into the elevator, down to the exchange at C-sec academy and up a separate elevator to the docks. Joker was outside of the ship, having a heated exchange with two turian C-sec officers.
"What do you mean grounded?" Joker demanded. "We're here on Council business. The commander of this ship is a Spectre. Does that mean nothing to you? Look, here she is now. Commander, tell these C-sec officers to keep their claws off of the Normandy."
Shepard glared at the C-sec officers, who looked unimpressed with what Joker had told them thus far. Her face softened as she turned to the pilot.
"The Council is grounding us, Joker. Until further notice."
"What? Did you tell them what happened on Virmire? About Ilos?"
"She told them everything, Joker," Garrus said. "They refused to believe her. They're taking their own actions. They're not interested in Ilos."
"Garrus," one of the C-sec officers spoke. "Is this where you've been? Traipsing around the galaxy on an Alliance vessel?"
Garrus gave the C-sec officer a withering look. "It beats the hell out of babysitting ships at the docks, Lestus."
"Come on, Joker. Let's head back inside. Or am I not even allowed on my own ship?" Shepard asked the C-sec officers.
They didn't bar her entry, so she, Joker, and Garrus entered the airlock. Joker limped to his pilot's chair and stared blankly at the control interface, already set into full lockdown mode. Shepard stormed past her crew, into the comm room, where she slumped against the wall and fell to the floor. She had never felt so completely helpless. What could she do now? She had no control over the situation anymore.
Garrus entered the room and stood in front of her.
"I'm sorry, Shepard. I had hoped the Council might respond to reason. I think my outburst in their chambers only made things worse."
"It's not your fault they did this. That weasel Udina is the prime culprit, undoubtedly. He let me do all the work of figuring out Saren's plans, and now he'll seem like the hero helping the Council formulate a plan of defense. He'll get what he wants from all this, probably. If we don't all die first."
"So what do we do next?" Garrus asked. "We need to come up with an escape plan."
"How can we? The Normandy is locked down. We have no way of getting off the Citadel."
"That's not the Shepard I know. The Shepard I know would be breaking down doors until she had a way out of this."
"I know, it's just…" Shepard stared at her feet. "I've never felt so lost."
Garrus knelt down and cupped her cheek with his hand. "You're not lost, Shepard. Not as long as we have each other. We'll figure out a way out. We can't let all of this mean nothing."
She met his gaze. There was a fire burning in those bright blue eyes; something in them comforted her. He was right, this was not who she was. She would find a way to get to Saren, even if it meant treason.
"Garrus, I…" She tried to find the words she was looking for.
His face was close to hers suddenly, flooding her with reminders of the moment they had shared on the observation deck before Virmire.
She scanned his face, a strange feeling welling in her chest. Turians had always frightened her as a child, after stories of the war, they had seemed cruel and brutish, accentuated by their appearance: hawkish eyes and razor-sharp teeth, visible on the sides of their faces when their mandibles moved. All of those things seemed so different now, looking at Garrus. His eyes weren't frightening, they were beautiful: so vivid, the color so cool and calming. And the same mouth that had given her nightmares in childhood; the rough, rigid lips hiding those dangerous teeth; it didn't bother her so much now. She wondered how it might feel to kiss lips so different from her own, from any she had ever experienced. She had never given turians much thought until Garrus; humans and turians still held so much hostility toward one another in most parts of the galaxy.
"Shepard," Garrus said her name softly.
Why shouldn't she find out? Why shouldn't be selfish, just once, just in that moment? She wondered what Garrus was thinking, and if he felt the same curiosity she did. His hand was still cupped against her cheek, his fingers inching into her hair, and his face was moving closer, close enough to feel his breath on her skin.
"Commander?" Joker's voice came over the speakers in the comm room, ruining the moment.
Garrus stepped back and Shepard rose up from her spot on the ground, her heart pounding.
"I'm here, Joker. What is it?" Shepard asked, an unexpected edge to her voice. She hadn't meant to sound so annoyed, Joker couldn't have known what was happening.
"Captain Anderson sent a message through to the Normandy. He wants you to meet him down in the wards at Flux."
"Flux?" Shepard was surprised. Flux was a nightclub, certainly more reputable than Chora's Den, and with less nude dancing than Purgatory, but a club still the same. Why would Anderson want to meet her there?
"All right. Send word to the squad. Have them meet me there."
"Aye aye, commander."
Shepard turned to Garrus. They would have to address the elephant in the room later. "Are you coming?"
"Right behind you."
Garrus was familiar with Flux from his days at C-sec. It was one of the less seedy bars on the Citadel, though officers still caught drug exchanges around it once in a while. Any place with loud music and alcohol was bound to attract that sort of behavior.
He agreed with Shepard that the bar was an odd place for Anderson to want to meet. But it was also a place Udina wouldn't suspect them to meet, and that could be reason enough.
Liara, Tali, Wrex, and Kaidan were waiting for them when they reached the entrance to the bar, on one of the lower levels of the Kithoi ward.
"Shepard, what's going on? Joker told us to meet you here." Liara greeted them.
"Anderson wants to meet. He wouldn't say why."
"If we all go in together, it might draw suspicion," Garrus said. "Why don't we stagger it? A few at a time. I can scope out the room from the second floor of the bar, keep an eye out for anyone who might be eavesdropping. Udina wants you on lockdown, I wouldn't put anything past him."
Shepard nodded. "All right. We'll go in first. You all follow and fan out."
"Never had to get into formation at a night club before," Kaidan laughed.
Garrus entered the bar with Shepard. Music was blasting from the speakers, drunk people writhing together on the dance floor. The floor was sticky with spilled alcohol and Spirits knew what else. On the left side of the bar, a set of tables were grouped against the window. Anderson sat alone at one of them, sipping his drink.
"I'll turn on my comm link so you can hear us," Shepard told Garrus. "Stay sharp."
"I always am," he replied.
He made his way up a set of stairs near the dance floor to the upper level of the bar where more people were dancing and mingling. He leaned against the edge of the railing where the upper level looked out on the lower bar, listening as Shepard approached Anderson, scanning the room for any sign of danger.
The rest of the squad entered the room and fanned out as Shepard sat down to chat. Wrex was remarkably out of place; he leaned against a wall in an attempt to act casual, but he still drew several stares.
"Shepard, I'm glad you could make it," Anderson said.
"What's going on, Anderson? Did you know about the lockdown?"
"I did. I tried to warn you, but Udina barred me from sending any messages to the Normandy on your approach. He's power hungry. He doesn't care what you have to say. But we both know the truth, Shepard. If you don't get to Ilos and stop Saren from using the Conduit, life as we know it could be over."
"What am I supposed to do?" Shepard asked. "We can't override the controls on the lockdown."
"No, but if we can convince Citadel traffic control that Udina has lifted the order, you could leave before anyone finds out it was a lie," Anderson suggested.
"If we steal the Normandy, that's mutiny. And you'll be the one left to take the blame. You could be arrested for treason, captain. That's a capital offense. There has to be a better way," Shepard's emotions tinged her voice, only slightly, but Garrus could hear it.
"What better way? If I am arrested and tried, they'll put me to death. But if I don't do anything, we die anyway. I can break into Udina's office and hack his terminal, override the command, and lift the Normandy's lockdown. It's the only way, Shepard."
"What if Udina's in his office?"
"I'll take care of it."
Shepard sighed. It was the only way they'd get off the Citadel, and they had to. It really was a matter of life and death.
"Okay," she finally said. "It's the only way. But you have to promise me something, Anderson."
"Anything, Shepard."
"Don't get caught. Don't let Udina have the pleasure of putting you in cuffs."
"I'll do my best," Anderson promised. "Now get back to the Normandy. I'll send word to Joker as soon as the restrictions are lifted."
Shepard stood up, shook Anderson's hands, turned to meet Garrus' gaze, and walked out of the bar. He hurried to join her, as did the rest of the squad.
"Did everyone hear the plan?" Shepard asked, moving calmly and coolly through the ward to avoid attracting unwanted attention. "We head back to the Normandy. Anyone not comfortable with mutiny? Now's your chance to back out."
"Like you're gonna get rid of me just when things finally start to get interesting?" Wrex laughed.
"We all want to see this through, Shepard. If we're going to break the law, let's do it together," Kaidan said.
"I'm obviously coming," Garrus added. "Someone's got to watch your six."
"The opportunity to see Ilos with my own eyes…" Liara's eyes watered. "I cannot imagine a better group to experience it with."
"Maybe I'll bring Saren's head back to the flotilla as my gift," Tali suggested.
Shepard smiled, hopeful. She had seemed so despairing back on the Normandy, barely an hour earlier. She was emboldened now, though, her eyes ablaze. This was the Shepard Garrus had come to know and respect. This was the Shepard he would follow to the ends of the galaxy.
Shepard's adrenaline was pumping as she led the squad back to the docks and onto the Normandy. Joker greeted them hopefully.
"What did Anderson want?" he asked.
"Get the ship ready, Joker. As soon as Anderson sends word, we're hightailing it out of here," she swept through the ship, a new energy driving her. "Pressly, map the coordinates for Ilos."
"Commander?" Pressly looked concerned. "We're on lockdown."
Shepard stepped up to the intercom mic at the command information center. "Attention all crew. This is commander Shepard speaking. As you've probably heard by now, the Council has put us on lockdown. I say, fuck that. We're taking back control of this ship and setting a course for Ilos. If the Council won't stop Saren, we will. Anyone who has a problem with that is free to leave the ship."
The crew members stationed on the bridge and the CIC didn't budge. No one wandered up from crew quarters. These people were loyal to Shepard, she realized now just how loyal. When no one voice objection or tried to leave, she continued speaking.
"I don't know what's waiting for us on Ilos, but I know what happens next won't be easy. Just remember we're doing this not just for the Alliance, but for the galaxy as we know it. Do your best, try your hardest, and don't let me down. And if you can't do it for me, do it for Ash. Don't let her death mean nothing. Shepard, out."
"Commander," Pressly said, as soon as Shepard stepped away from the mic. "We have coordinates set for the Mu Relay. As soon as we're airborne, we can set the course."
"Great work, Pressly."
Shepard joined her squad in the comm room, waiting for word from Anderson. She paced the room, anxious to leave, worried what might happen to Anderson if he was caught.
"Anderson will be fine," Kaidan said, as if he'd read her thoughts. "He's been in the Alliance for decades. I think he knows a thing or two about espionage."
She hoped he was right. There would be no way of knowing once they entered the Mu Relay. Citadel comm buoys would not be located on the other side of the relay. They would be on their own until they stopped Saren.
Another twenty minutes passed in silence. Everyone else was anxious too. They had no clue what awaited them on Ilos, apart from the fact that Saren would be there with his army of geth to protect him. They could be walking into a death trap. Whatever the Conduit was, it was likely a source of immense power. Allowing Saren to access it was not an option. Shepard would stop him, even if it meant sacrificing her own life.
"Commander, restrictions have been lifted. Normandy is aweigh," Joker's voice came over the speakers.
The ship jerked to life, gliding out of the docks and shifting to FTL as soon as they were a safe distance away from the Citadel. Shepard's heart pounded in her chest. This was the most dangerous, unknown mission she had ever faced, her entire career had been building up to it, and if she did make it out alive and return, she might rot in a prison cell for the rest of her life for her mutiny.
It was a price she was more than willing to pay.
A/N: Thanks as always for reading! Things are starting to get exciting! Sorry for this 100k word slow-burn but I promise it will pay off soon