Scarlett: Thank you, and she is. Unfortunately, all stories have to end. Yes, I'm definitely considering that idea as I did like it :-)

Guest: Thank you so much :-)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"So, you must be very proud of yourself."

Lily gave Helen a meek nod, smiling for the first time in ages. She was proud of herself, and even she had to admit that. She'd managed to talk, not only that, but she'd managed to talk in front of a huge crowd of people. When Zoe had first encouraged her, she honestly wasn't sure if she'd be able to do it or not.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

"Good," Lily answered. "I...I felt happy."

"I bet you did," Helen said. "I've been talking to Connie, and she sounds extremely proud of you. She'd like you to return to work soon, because she thinks that you might be ready now."

"I'm not ready," Lily whispered, shaking her head. "Honestly, I'm not!"

"Lily, we don't need to make any rash decisions," Helen tried to calm her. "Connie thought that you'd be happy about it though."

"But I'm not." The tears seemed to come on rather quickly, and Lily started to cry straight away.

Her breathing became heavy and she clutched at her chest, a terrified expression coming onto her face. She couldn't breathe and she felt trapped. She hadn't had an attack like that in ages, and she was so scared.

"Just follow my breathing, Lily," Helen whispered, as she came and sat beside her. "Come on now, calm yourself down."

Lily nodded and gasped for air, as her tears began to subside. Helen continued to rub small circles up and down her back, staying silent until she was sure that Lily was calm enough.

"You don't need to go back to work yet, not if you're not ready," Helen said. "But Connie thought that you'd be happy. You've always thoroughly enjoyed your job."

"Well, I'm not," Lily croaked, holding a hand to her head. "And I'll stop talking again so that I don't have to go back to work. I will, I'm not even joking."

"Now, you don't need to do that," Helen said, with a small smile on her face. "I'll have a chat with Connie. But why don't you want to go back, Lily? You can talk to me and if you don't want me to tell Connie the reason, then I won't."

"It will sound so silly," Lily whispered, another tear rolling down one side of her face.

"I'm sure it won't," Helen said, keeping a hand on the ridge of Lily's back. "Tell me."

Lily hesitated, trying to think of the best way to tell Helen what she was worrying about. She didn't want her words to sound stupid, and she didn't want Helen to judge her. She did want to get better, and she did want to return to work, but she was scared.

"What if something goes wrong?" She whispered.

"What do you mean?" Helen asked.

"What if I have a bad day at work?" Lily asked. "What if I lose a patient? I...I'm terrified that something like that will happen, and that I'll go back to my old ways again. I don't want that to happen but I'm scared it will."

"Lily, you will always have bad days at work," Helen said. "But you have so much support around you. You can't let fear get in the way."

Lily nodded, giving a small shrug of the shoulders.

"Do you want to know what Connie said to me once?" Helen asked. "She and I have been friends for a while and she said something to me one day, that has stuck with me for years."

"What's that?" Lily whispered.

"We all have bad days now and then, but it's how we respond that matters."

"So, how did your session with Helen go?" Iain asked, as he and Lily lay in bed together that evening. Lily looked exhausted, but Iain was just pleased that she felt comfortable enough to sleep beside him. "Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, I did," Lily whispered. "It went well, thank you. She and Connie want me to return to work though."

"And you're not happy about that?" Iain asked, eyebrows raised.

"I don't know how I feel about it," she said. "I told Helen that I was scared, in case I have a setback."

"That might happen," Iain admitted. "I'm not going to lie to you Lily, but I'm not going to leave you. If you ever need to talk about anything, then you know where I am."

"Thanks Iain, that means a lot," Lily said.

Knowing that she had her boyfriend there for support, made her feel better about things. She felt lucky to have someone as nice as Iain.

"And you have Gem as well," Iain said. "She was telling me the other day how proud she is of you." Lily made eye contact with him, shocked to hear him say that. "Yeah, she told me that you'd come a long way and that I should be proud of you too. And I am, extremely."

Lily blushed a bright shade of red, and buried her face into his shirt.

"Iain," she whispered, during a long moment of silence.

"What?" He asked, gently stroking at her hair.

"I...I love you," she said, sitting upright in bed. "And I...I want to do it." She gulped and nervously scratched at her arms. "I don't want to hide in fear forever, and I want to...To have that relationship with you."

"Are you sure though?" Iain asked, sitting up as well. "I don't want to force you into anything that you don't want to do, Lily."

"I'm sure," Lily whispered, a small smile on her face. "I'm ready."

I'll probably end this story on the next chapter to be fair. I just feel it's now reached that point of an end, and 40 chapters seem like a good number to me x