I'm BACK! Did you miss me? I just want to apologise for the horrendous cliff-hanger-y wait. Writers Blocks a witch. But you know...life goes on and I'm here writing and I really hope you like.

Let me know!

"Portus!" Bellatrix Lestrange's spell was still echoing around the ornate office as James's own stunning spell flew under her outstretched arm and hit her squarely in the chest. She flew backwards for the second time in as many minutes and crashed into the bookshelves behind her, showering books and spindly instruments over her head.

Lily snatched the gleaming blade from Bellatrix's hand before it was completely covered in sheaves of paper covered in strange black symbols and silver teapots who's spouts appeared to be full of purple smoke. She stepped backwards into James and the blade began to glow.

I snatched at her and, having got a handful of her jumper, I twisted my hand around Sirius's belt, intending to...I don't know? Pull her back from the freakily glowing sword? Perhaps, but it didn't really happen like that. Somehow, it never does.

There was a jerk, like someone was fishing for my naval, and swirling, airborne feeling and then darkness.

A lot of darkness.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

There was a sound like a dying whale. It took me a moment to realise that it hadn't been a dying whale and instead had been me, though how I had made that noise was rather worrying. But then my head decided to go into orbit and I was promptly sick on the grass in front of me. Urgh.

I scooped my hair out of the way of the larger gobs of yucky yellow stuff and groaned. I was dimly aware of not being able to see anything and was just about to summon the energy to try and re-connect my brain when there was a muffled thump, a lot of muffled cursing (or was it just that my ears weren't working yet) and suddenly everything snapped back into focus. Though, as it turned out, I could exactly no more than I could thirty seconds ago. In fact, it was probably less because at least then I'd been seeing lots of pretty flashing lights.

"Pretty flashing lights." I said. And keeled over, narrowly (and very fortunately) missing the pile of sick.

"What's wrong with her? Is her mind affected?" I heard a panicked voice but then Lily (or was it James before his voice broke?) said: "Oh, don't worry about her - her mind's always been affected. Try to avoid the sick."

There was a squelch, a shout of 'Eeerghh!' and suddenly a light fizzled into existence.

"MY SHOES!"

"MY HAIR!"

"How on earth did you get it in your hair- Hang on don't tell me - I really don't want-I SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!"

"SOMEONE CLEAN UP THAT VOMIT RIGHT NOW, THIS INSTANT BEFORE I START KILLING!"

"Killing what? We are currently stood in the middle of a completely black, black thing with extra servings of dark on the side lit with Lily's wand which is showing exactly nothing and some more blackness. We are the only thing here and I refuse to die with vomit in my hair!"

"Urgh." I said. But very quietly so as not to annoy them further.

"MERLIN'S Y-FRONTS!" I heard a scream, though it was so high it was difficult to make out the words.

"Urgh!" I said again. But slightly more loudly because Lily's scream (because I'd never heard a guy get that high before - no not even when Lily's book box fell on James's You-Know-What) were reaching bat proportions. You know, high enough to bust glass.

"What? Has someone died? James! I told you not to murder me with sick in my hair! That was down-right cruel of you."

"No, no-one's died - this is far, far worse." There was a moan of anguish and some scrabbling sounds.

"Urgh." I said, for the benefit of anyone who happened to be listening. Which was just me but you know...

"No wait, I've found it. Thank you Merlin."

"No, Lily. That's my foot."

"Sorry." More scrabbling sounds then: "Actually, don't stop that - that's quite nice."

"JAMES. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE GRINDING OUT ALL YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS. I HAVE VOMIT IN MY HAIR. AND ON MY SHOES!"

"Of course this is the time to be grinding out my sexu-"

"POTTER! FINISH THAT SENTENCE AND I SWEAR WE ARE DONE!"

There was the sound of a fist hitting a face. There was a splash.

"DAMN YOU PRONGS WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET RID OF THAT SICK!"

"Urgh."

"AND FOR MERLIN'S SAKE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT ARTY! THE URGHING IS MAKING MY SKIN CRAWL."

"Urghing? Seriously?"

"Urgh." I said, again, for good measure and sat up.

"URGH!" I said with more feeling and lay back down again.

"Urgh." Lily agreed and hauled me to my feet. "Enervate."

"Urgh," I said one last time, just to annoy them. "Thanks Lily. I hate Portkeys."

"I know." She said, completely unfeelingly. "Scourgify."

A sucking sound, a deep breath and 'my hair will never be the same again' most probably from Sirius and the vomit had vanished. I watched it go with regret. It had brightened the place up at least. Besides, there had been a large slab of Honeyduke's best chocolate in there.

"So, where are we?" I asked, staring around and bumping into someone I hadn't noticed in the complete and utter black. In my defence - the person (Sirius?) was wearing black robes which blended in quite well. I put my hands up and let them roam around for a bit. Yes, that was definitely Sirius.

"Lumos maxima. No idea." James said, holding his wand up to eye level. A slight blurry outline of a nose came into view. "But this place seems to be sucking the light out of my wand and the spit out of my mouth. Stop it. It's rather unpleasant."

"Lily," I queried, lighting my wand too. "Why did you grab the portkey?"

A hand fastened around my throat.

"Lily!" I squeaked. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. Can't b-b-breathe!"

The hand didn't move and it dawned on me that it was probably a little too large and a little too stone like to be a smallish human girl.

That was when the lights came on.