Garrus' ribs were healing quickly. By the time he awoke the next morning, whatever medicine Karin had pumped into his system seemed to be doing its job. He was still a little sore, but he could move without excruciating pain, which was a huge improvement.
Shepard showed him around the newly renovated Normandy, introducing him to the new Cerberus crew. Everything about the ship was state-of-the-art. He hadn't imagined the old Normandy had much to improve upon, besides the interminably slow elevators, but seeing this new model made it evident what the old one had lacked. He was particularly interested in the new forward battery; the guns and turrets that had been installed were good, but he could make them better, improve their accuracy. It would give him something to do between missions.
The crew seemed nice enough, and far friendlier than he'd expected Cerberus employees to be. The man who had been with Shepard on her mission, Jacob, was amiable, but somewhat guarded around him; the woman, Miranda, had said little upon proper introduction, welcoming him to the ship with all the warmth of a Noverian tundra.
He was also able to meet the two other recruits that had been picked up on Omega. The salarian doctor had taken over space in the new tech labs. He talked a mile a minute, making it hard to keep up with what he was saying, but he was friendly, and Garrus had heard good things about him during his time on Omega. The other recruit was a grizzled old merc bounty hunter, infamous in the Terminus systems. Shepard had never heard of him before she received his dossier, but Garrus was very familiar with his work, and apprehensive of his presence on the ship. He had holed himself up in the starboard cargo hold down on the engineering deck; an array of weapons spread out on a bench seemed to be his sole possessions.
Up in the CIC, Garrus met Shepard's new yeoman, a glorified personal assistant, who chatted animatedly with him about any topic he would bring up, asking how he was and if he was in any pain, doe-eyed and sickly sweet in her responses.
"I think Kelly might have a crush on you," Shepard said as she walked him up to the bridge to reunite with Joker.
"What? A human? Working for Cerberus?"
Shepard shrugged. "She seemed really interested in how you were doing."
"Don't be ridiculous, Shepard. You only like me because you got to know me first. What would a human see in a turian?"
"Are you kidding me? That cute little butt of yours?" She raised an eyebrow.
He laughed as she nudged him with her shoulder.
"Garrus!" Joker's chair spun around as they approached the bridge. He held his hand out. Garrus shook it, surprised at the strength in the pilot's grip. "Good to see, you, you spiky-headed devil."
"Good to see you too, Joker. I understand they're trying to replace you with a shackled AI."
Joker's face soured as the AI spoke up from a nearby terminal, manifesting itself in the form of a spherical grid. "I am not here to replace Mr. Moreau," it said, its voice feminine. "I am simply here to provide guidance and assistance for the crew."
"We're not talking about EDI," Joker said. "I'm still trying to get used to her."
"I understand," Garrus crossed his arms. "I'm disappointed, Joker. I thought for sure you'd make a joke about how my new scars were an improvement to my face."
"Scars?" Joker cocked his head. "Buddy, you're so ugly, I hadn't even noticed."
Garrus laughed. "There it is."
"It's good to have you back on the Normandy, man. The commander was a wreck without you."
"No I wasn't," Shepard protested.
"Uh-huh. She put on a brave face, but behind the scenes, it was chaos!" Joker held his hands out to simulate an explosion. "Now we've got the real brains behind the operation, we can actually get somewhere."
"I'll be sure to keep her in check," Garrus said.
"Come on," Shepard grabbed his arm. "You and Joker can catch up more when I'm not around."
"Aw, that's no fun, commander," Joker laughed, spinning his chair back around to face the ship's controls.
"I did miss him," Garrus told Shepard as they made their way back toward the elevator. "Though I have to say, I don't miss the old ship, or it's elevator. Makes it hard to stay suspicious of Cerberus when they've given you such nice accommodations."
"I know," she crossed her arms. "It's sitting in the back of my head every time I lay down in that bed. It's so comfortable compared to the old one."
"I have to agree," Garrus nodded. He'd spent enough time on that bed in his last month on the Normandy to remember how uncomfortable it was. And how loud it could be.
They stepped into the elevator and Shepard hit the button for the top floor. "The only problem I have with the new ship is there's no easy way to bypass the elevator. I'd take the stairs just for the exercise, but the emergency stairwells are locked unless the ship's emergency alert system is engaged."
"What if it's not a hull breach or a fire?" Garrus asked.
"EDI can override the system to open the doors," Shepard shrugged.
"I'm not sure about that AI…Cerberus is really playing with fire there."
"I agree. Joker's not too fond of her either. But she can be helpful. She provides intel for us on the ground that's been pretty valuable so far. But AIs can turn so quickly. Just look at the geth," she said.
"My thoughts exactly."
"Joker doesn't have a good ETA for the trip to the Citadel," she told him as they stepped out of the elevator and into her room. "There's no direct relay jump, so we have to make multiple, but this ship's faster than the old one. Could be anywhere from a week to a few weeks, which I don't think is the most helpful information. EDI offered to run calculations to figure it out but Joker said flying was an art, not a science."
"That does sound like Joker." Garrus watched her as she walked over to the fish tank and pressed some buttons to dispense food.
He stood behind her and rested his head on top of hers, his mandibles brushing against her hair, wrapping his arms around her and inhaling deeply.
"Spirits, but I missed you, Shepard."
He saw her looking at him in the reflection against the fish tank. "I can't even imagine what it must have been like, Garrus. When we got you back to the ship it was so touch and go…I kept thinking about what I would do if I lost you and I felt selfish for thinking it because you had spent the last two years without me. When I first woke up I felt so…I don't know…like something vital was missing. I realize now that it was you."
He kissed her neck softly, as softly as his rigid lips would allow, flicking his tongue against the skin as he kissed her. She shivered and her skin prickled, rising up in the curious way it sometimes did when he kissed her in a certain spot.
Not all of his dreams while she had been gone had been nightmares; on occasion, he dreamed of the weekend they'd spent together in his apartment. In his best dreams, they were reunited and he could touch her and taste her again.
But now he wasn't dreaming, and he wasn't hurting like he'd been before, and there would be time enough to talk later. He pulled at the edge of her shirt, bringing it down past her shoulder and kissing the exposed skin.
She turned around slowly to face him. "Garrus, are you sure you…?"
"I'm fine," he insisted, returning his lips to her neck.
"Don't get me wrong," she said, gently rubbing the soft skin beneath his fringe. "I want this…I want you…but I don't want you to hurt yourself."
He pressed his lips against hers, feeling the pressure of her tongue against his as she opened her mouth to his. Already, he was past the point of no return, his lower plates shifting to accommodate him. It had been so long since he'd felt like this.
His experiences with other women had been unsatisfying, to say the least. For a while, he couldn't bring himself to think about having sex with someone else, so distraught over his loss. Eventually, he did try, but it felt like admitting she was gone to be with anyone else. Like it or not, time really did heal all wounds, even if not fully, and eventually his own base desires won out over his grief and guilt. But each time had been the same, a brief burst of pleasure, and then a lingering disappointment. He hadn't realized how much more satisfying it was to be with someone that he cared about, both parties fully invested in maximizing each other's pleasure.
As they kissed, Shepard's hands, with those multitudes of tiny fingers, tugged at his shirt fastenings. She struggled with them for a moment, and when they were undone, she shoved the shirt from his shoulders and he let it fall to the floor. He pulled her own shirt over her head, though it took a moment because both of them were reluctant to stop kissing one another long enough to take it off. As soon as it was off, their lips were back together.
Her bra was a constant annoyance and had been every time they'd been together. His fingers weren't dexterous enough to undo the absurdly tiny hooks.
"I hate this thing," he complained as he tried to unhook it, mandibles twitching as he got more agitated.
"Don't rip it," she growled.
"I know, it's expensive." For a moment, it was like they'd never been apart.
He finally gave up on the blasted thing and she unhooked it for him, tossing it to the floor. Their hands and lips were against each other again immediately. By that point, he was ready to rip her pants in half if it meant getting them off her more quickly. She had already unfastened his, letting them fall to the floor, exposing him completely.
One of her hands moved between his legs while he worked at removing her pants; he pressed his face into her neck, subharmonics vibrating involuntarily.
"Shepard…" he gasped.
"Hurry up." Her tone was urgent.
He pulled her pants off in a hurry, hooking his talon on her underwear and taking them off with the pants. She kicked the clothes off to the side. He was so eager in his lust that they didn't even make it to the bed, just a few feet away. He picked her up by the bottom and pressed her against the fish tank; she hooked her legs around his hips, wrapped her arms around his neck and let out a soft moan as he slid inside of her.
The pain in his side from his injury protested violently at the effort, but he ignored it, focused solely on how good it felt to be inside of her again. Her ineffective nails clawed at his back as she moaned his name.
"Shepard…" He kissed her collarbone.
She dug her nails into his shoulder and moaned quietly, lifting her head and exposing her neck; he nipped at the soft skin with his lips.
Eventually, the pain became too much to ignore, searing down his side as he held her against the fish tank. He carried her over to the bed and climbed on top of her, resuming their activity, her legs still wrapped around his hips. Lying down eased some of the pain, though his side still throbbed.
He watched her as they moved, her face growing red, sweat beading across her body, eyes closed and mouth half open in a look of pure ecstasy. She gripped the pillow with one hand and his neck with the other as her toes curled against his legs and she arched her back.
"Garrus…" she moaned. "Garrus…"
Her fingers dug into the tender skin on the side of his neck, so hard she nearly drew blood. Another moan escaped her throat and pushed him over the edge. He gasped against her neck, a series of sharp, short breaths, his subharmonics oscillating uncontrollably. Then he fell still, rolled onto his back, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
Shepard clutched her pillow tightly, toes still curled, body still tense, her own chest rising and falling heavily with each breath. All at once, her body went limp as she let out a long sigh. She clutched her hair and wiped some sweat from her face.
Garrus was still recovering, his right side punishing him for his overexertion. It had been worth it. He would have done it twenty more times if he could have. He had been a bit overzealous perhaps, as evidenced by the fresh friction burns his rough skin left behind on Shepard's thighs and stomach. For the past two years, such a moment together had only been possible in his dreams.
"Holy shit," Shepard exhaled loudly, dropping her hand away from her face. "Good to know this new body still works like the old one."
The overwhelming desire Garrus felt to touch her and taste her had not been quenched. He leaned over her and kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek, his tongue moving against her as his manic kisses dotted her skin. Two years was a lot of lost time to make up for.
"Oh, Garrus…" She stroked his back. "Did you miss me?"
"You have no idea, Shepard." He dragged his tongue across her collarbone. He was almost ashamed of his inability to let go of her.
She kissed him gently. "Calm down. I'm not going anywhere."
She knew him too well; there was a piece of him crazed by the worry that he would close his eyes and she would be gone again, that it was all just a dream. Placated somewhat by her promise, he rested his head next to hers on the pillow, both of them facing each other.
His fingers traced shapes against her skin, inching up to her breasts. He still didn't understand the sexual appeal of the fleshy appendages, but he did like the way they felt, so soft and pliable. And he liked the way her nipples pricked up reflexively when he touched them.
She grabbed his hand and moved it to the small of her back. "Not right now," she said.
He was content to hold her like that, and for a while they just stared at each other, neither of them saying a word. Eventually, she brought her hand to his face, tracing her fingers over his mangled skin.
"Does it look awful?" he asked.
"No," she kissed his nose. "You could never look awful."
Perhaps it was naïve, but he thought that there had never been a human who had said such a thing to a turian in the entire history of their species' interaction. He wouldn't bring himself to say what he was feeling. An unexpected and unwelcome noise erupted from his chest.
Shepard shifted in alarm. "Garrus, what…?"
He tried to choke it back, but something in the sheer honesty of her statement had opened a door he'd been struggling to keep shut for two years. His subharmonics trembled as an awful keening sound climbed up his chest and out of his throat.
Shepard frowned. "Are you…crying?" she asked.
"I'm sorry," he managed to say. "Shepard, I…" It was so difficult to speak when he cried. He hated it.
She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head against her shoulder, stroking his back. He clutched at her desperately, feeling as helpless as a child. He kept trying to apologize, but she shushed him and continued to rub his back.
"You don't have to apologize, Garrus," she said. "You've been through a lot."
"I missed you so much," he said through his sobs. He'd never been as raw and open with anyone as he was with her.
"I'm here now. It's okay. I won't leave you again."
He wasn't sure how long they lay like that while he struggled to control the sound escaping his throat. Eventually, though, the crying stopped and his eyes fluttered shut as the pain and fatigue from his exertions caught up with him. He fell asleep with his head resting heavy against her chest, listening to her heartbeat, a gentle reminder that she was really, truly alive.
When Shepard realized that Garrus had fallen asleep, she lay with him for a while before slipping away to get dressed and let him rest. She sat at her private terminal and opened up her messages to begin typing a letter to Liara, but was stalled when she noticed a message addressed from "Admiral David Anderson, Alliance Navy". She waited a moment and then opened it.
'Shepard. Been hearing rumors that you've been…rebuilt? I was passing it off as a lot of Citadel gossip nonsense, but then I saw that your extranet address was active again. I almost alerted C-sec, figured someone was stealing your identity. I don't know what stopped me from telling them. I guess a part of me hopes the rumors are true. If they are, if you get this message, please come and see me on the Citadel. There's so much to discuss. Your friend, Anderson.'
Shepard reread the letter a few times. It seemed the captain had been promoted to admiral. She was glad: he deserved it. Listening to Garrus cry had been hard enough on her without immediately reading Anderson's e-mail tinged with the sadness of loss and his bleak hope hinging on rumors.
She was glad they were heading for the Citadel, but she still wanted to reach out to Liara before the news broke to the whole world that commander Shepard, 'hero of the Citadel', was alive after two years presumed dead. She would have preferred to call the asari, but Cerberus had outfitted her with a new comm link that lacked many of the address connections her old one had.
But maybe Garrus' comm link…
She tiptoed over to him and pulled the link gently from his wrist. He didn't stir. He was still recovering from having half of his face blown off after all; cutting edge technology and all, it was still a serious injury to recover from.
She took the comm link over to her desk and searched through his contacts until she found what she was looking for. She hit the video call on Liara's contact info and waited while the comm link buzzed to let her know it was dialing.
The other end rang and rang…and rang, so long that Shepard was about to hang up, but then Liara's face appeared suddenly above the comm link.
"Garrus, where the hell have you…Shepard," the asari's breath caught in her throat at the sight of her dead friend on the other end of the line.
"Hey, Liara," Shepard said sheepishly.
"By the Goddess, Shepard, I…" Her eyes welled with tears. "I had heard rumors, but…" she let out a tiny sob and choked it back. "I'm sorry. I have…I could not let myself hope that the rumors were true."
"I'm alive again," Shepard told her. "You don't have to apologize for having emotions. I know that you all saw it happen…heard me die."
"How did you...come back?" Liara asked, wiping her eyes.
"It's kind of a long story. I heard you're on Illium. What are you doing there?"
"It's kind of a long story," Liara laughed. "Where are you calling me from? And why are you on Garrus' comm link. Did you find him? I haven't heard from him in over a year. I finally gave up trying to contact him."
"I found him on Omega," Shepard explained. "Trying to make the galaxy a better place, bitching about bureaucrats. You know Garrus," she laughed. "He's okay. He's with me now. He's just resting now, though. He got hurt pretty badly on Omega, but my new comm link didn't have your info so I stole his. We're headed for the Citadel, so I wanted to call you and let you know I was alive again, before the reporters let the rest of the galaxy know."
"Thank you, Shepard. That means a great deal to me. You don't know how much we've all missed you. Garrus, perhaps, the most," Liara told her.
"Oh, Garrus made it pretty clear I'm not allowed to leave his sight again."
There was a voice calling for Liara on the other end. She sighed and rubbed her head. "I'm so sorry, Shepard. I'm…I'm very busy these days. I would rather I never had to end this call…there's so much for us to talk about, but I have to go."
"I understand," she assured her. "There'll be time to talk later."
"Come and see me on Illium. Please. As soon as you get the chance," Liara begged.
"I'll try," Shepard promised.
"Goodbye, Shepard. I hope we'll talk again soon."
The line disconnected and Shepard sat for a moment in silence. She felt she owed it to Wrex and Kaidan to try and reach out to them as well. The Illusive Man would have probably preferred that she didn't call half the galaxy, would have worried that she was divulging too much, but she didn't care. In the end, it didn't matter anyway. Neither the krogan nor the lieutenant could be reached.
She set the comm link down on her desk and left the room to explore the ship while Garrus slept. On the old Normandy, she had always made the rounds getting to know her crew and see if there was anything she could do to help things run more smoothly. Those rounds had been one of the ways she'd gotten to know Garrus better.
She hadn't spent much time acquainting herself with the new crew at all, so she decided to head down and get to know some of them. Part of her had been putting it off because she knew they were all Cerberus people, but the fact was, if she was using their money and flying their ship, she was a Cerberus person too.
When Shepard arrived down at the command control center, her yeoman, Kelly, was typing away at her terminal next to the central galaxy map. She smiled when she noticed Shepard exiting the elevator.
"How are you doing, commander?"
"I'm all right," Shepard said. "Nervous about getting to the Citadel. How about you, Chambers?"
"I'm just happy to be aboard, ma'am. How is your friend Garrus doing? His injuries looked pretty bad." Shepard noticed how the girl's eyes got bigger when she mentioned Garrus. She'd never met a human who was interested in turians, excluding herself, but she was only really interested in the one.
"Garrus is tough," Shepard told her, leaning against the railing surrounding the galaxy map. "He'll be fine."
Kelly sighed, they dewy look of naïve fondness in her eyes. "There's just something about him," she said. "I just want to hold him close and whisper 'it'll be all right'."
Considering Shepard had come from doing just that, she laughed without meaning to. "I know what you mean," she told Kelly. "Stop me if it's not my business, but it seems like you've got kind of a thing for aliens, Chambers."
Kelly shrugged, still doe-eyed as she discussed it. "I don't have an alien fetish or anything. I just believe that we're all distinct individuals. To me, interspecies relationships make sense. You put a bunch of people together on different planets, why should it matter if they're both the same species if they're still two consenting adults?"
Shepard didn't disagree, but it was an odd thing to hear from a Cerberus employee. "I guess I just pegged Cerberus employees as pro-human."
"I can care about the fate of humanity and still be friends with aliens, commander," Kelly said, a hint of defensiveness in her generally placid and friendly tone.
"Don't worry, Chambers, you don't have to defend yourself. Half my squad against Saren were aliens. Hell, my best friend is a turian. Not many humans can say that!" Shepard laughed.
Kelly smiled warmly, "I'm glad we understand each other, commander." She seemed to remember herself. "Oh! Is there anything I can help you with while you're here?"
"Seen much of Zaeed up here?" she asked.
Kelly's face contorted. "No. I can't say I'm upset by his absence either. He's a bit scary."
Shepard laughed. "Yeah he's a little rough around the edges. Everyone settling in okay? Anything major happening on the ship that I should know about?"
The yeoman shook her head. "Nothing to report, commander."
"All right, well you take care, Chambers. Let me know if there's anything you need to make life easier, all right? You want a chair? You're always standing around up here."
Kelly laughed. "I'm okay commander, thank you."
Shepard left her and stopped to talk to some of the crew on the path leading up to the bridge. Most of them were engineers and flight assistants; they seemed surprised that the commander would deign to talk to them, and uneasy about it at first, but when it became clear that there was no ulterior motive, they warmed up a bit.
"Commander, you distracting my slaves back there?" Joker called.
Shepard rolled her eyes and made her way up to the bridge, taking a seat in the empty chair next to Joker's and propping her feet up on the display. Joker let out an inhuman noise.
"Hey! Commander! Were you raised in a barn? Come on, get your feet off of my baby." Shepard pulled her feet down quickly and Joker leaned over, brushing his hand along the surface of the display. "I'm sorry, baby, the commander doesn't appreciate you."
"The ship is non-sentient and unable to understand your condolences, Mr. Moreau," EDI spoke up.
"Thank you, EDI," he replied bitterly.
"I see you two are getting along swimmingly," Shepard noted, crossing her arms.
"It's a work in progress," Joker sighed. "How's Garrus? I wasn't going to say anything, 'cause I love giving the spiky bastard a hard time, but he looked pretty rough."
"Honestly, I'm less worried about him physically than emotionally," Shepard told him. "He's had a rough two years. I wish I could have been there for him." She stared out the window to the right of her seat.
"He took it really hard when you died," Joker told her. "We were all pretty worried about him. And then when he dropped off the grid…well we thought he'd gone to join you. I know you two are close. I'm sure now that you're back, he'll be okay."
"I hope so."
"Where is he anyway? Does he get a real bunk now or are we sticking him back in the shuttle bay?" Joker laughed. "Might be the only place he can sleep."
"Garrus is staying in my cabin," Shepard said nonchalantly. She turned to face Joker, waiting to gauge his response.
"Your cabin?" He shook his head. "Why would he…oh. Oh." He looked sideways at Shepard with a sly grin. "Commander. Didn't know you had a thing for turians."
"I don't," Shepard said, unable to keep from grinning herself. "Just this particular one. Don't go gossiping about it. It's not exactly a secret, but I don't think the entire crew needs to be told either."
"Hey, who am I going to tell? You and Karin are the only people I trust on this ship."
"Karin already knows," Shepard shrugged.
"There you go."
"I'm afraid I don't understand the conversation," EDI piped in. "Is there some secondary meaning to the phrase 'staying in my cabin'?"
Joker snorted. "Well now there is. How long has Garrus been 'staying in your cabin', commander? I bet it's warm and cozy."
Shepard stood up and smacked the pilot on the side of the head. "Watch yourself, Joker."
"Ahh! I've got brittle bones!" Joker grabbed his head dramatically.
"I still do not understand," EDI said.
"Don't worry about it, EDI," Shepard told her.
"EDI, search the extranet for turian/human vids," Joker yelled.
"Don't do that, EDI," Shepard corrected.
"There are 3,576 results for turian/human vids," EDI said. "Shall I bring one up on the vid screen in the comm room?"
"No!" Shepard barked, and then, "Three-thousand vids?"
"You want me to send them to you, commander? For tips?"
"That's the last time I tell you anything, Joker," Shepard complained. "I'm going to talk to the rest of the crew. Stop corrupting our AI."
"Mr. Moreau, some of these vids are…unsettling," EDI said.
"Yeah, I'll bet." Shepard heard him say as she walked away from the bridge.
She knew that Joker, living up to his name, was just being facetious for the hell of it, so she didn't concern herself too much over his reaction. She wasn't going to go on the intercom and tell the whole ship she was sleeping with Garrus, but if Miranda knew, then Joker deserved to know.
She made her way back through the command control center to the tech labs to find Jacob and Mordin chatting with one another. Mordin was seated at a terminal typing away busily while he spoke; Jacob sat backwards on a chair, leaning against the back of it and sliding it back and forth across the steel floor of the lab.
"Hey, Shepard. How's your turian friend?" Jacob asked.
"Fine," Shepard said, tiring of the question already. "He's just resting."
"Interesting relationship," Mordin said. "Few humans and turians friends. Bond seems strong. Unusual."
"Garrus helped me take down Saren and the geth. He's saved my ass more times than I can count. If anyone deserves my trust, it's him," Shepard told him.
"No problem with relationship," Mordin shrugged. "Just noting peculiarity. Humans and turians have longstanding animosity. Friendship is good. Trust you not to judge other species by stereotypes, commander."
It was hard not to judge Mordin by salarian stereotypes when he was surrounded by experiment materials, wearing a lab coat, typing away at a computer, but she wasn't going to mention that.
"Dr. Solus was just showing me an experiment he was running on some of the samples you brought back from Freedom's Progress," Jacob explained. "Trying to pull any evidence off of the items, like collector DNA or something."
"A bit more complicated than that," Mordin said. "But essentially correct for human with only basic knowledge of science. Results were unhelpful, though. May look for additional supplies on the Citadel. What is funding situation, commander?"
Jacob answered before Shepard could. "If you need supplies, you get them. We'll make sure of it."
"Sure," Shepard added. "But you're settling in well otherwise?"
Mordin looked up. "Accommodations acceptable. Bed a bit stiff, but location excellent. Need to have access to experiments at all hours. Food leaves much to be desired, but salarian tastes different than humans'. Crew seem friendly, respectable, not overtly xenophobic. Much better than anticipated for Cerberus vessel."
"Well…uh…good. I guess," Shepard said unsurely. She was still adjusting to the salarian's rapid-fire method of speaking.
"I asked the doc if he had any way of slowing down his translator," Jacob laughed. "He didn't understand the necessity."
"I guess we'll just have keep up with him," Shepard replied, smiling.
"I guess so. Hey, I think Miranda wanted to talk to you," he said casually; the smile slid off Shepard's face.
"Is she down in her office?"
"As usual," Jacob replied. "You should tell your turian friend to come by when he's up and around. I wanted to talk to him about some mods for the guns in the armory. He seems like he knows his way around a gun, so I thought he'd be a good person to ask."
"Be careful," Shepard warned. "You get Garrus talking about a rifle and he might not ever shut up."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Shepard said goodbye to the two men and begrudgingly headed down to the crew deck to talk to Miranda. She was unused to having people on her ship that she actively disliked, though she was really making an effort to not hate Miranda; the woman was so cold, replying in short bursts, hardly ever leaving her cabin when she was on board the ship. Shepard liked a crew that was friendly and social. Maybe she'd just gotten too used to playing drinking games in the cargo bay with her old crew.
Passing some of the crew at the mess table, Shepard made her way over to Miranda's office, the same room that had been her own cabin on the first Normandy. She knocked on the door and it flew open without an answer, revealing Miranda sitting at her desk.
"Shepard," Miranda greeted her. "You can sit if you like."
Shepard hesitated a moment before sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Miranda finished typing something and looked up.
"How are you finding the ship?" she asked.
She resisted the urge to reply as coldly as Miranda tended to. "It's great," she said honestly. "I didn't think that the Normandy could be improved upon but Cerberus has proven me wrong."
"Good. Your accommodations are suitable?"
"More than." Shepard nodded. "I'm very comfortable in my cabin. Why are you asking me all this?"
Miranda smiled, but it only made Shepard more uneasy.
"I'm sorry, Shepard. I know I…" She looked away, out the window, as she spoke. "I'm aware that I'm not the easiest person to talk to. And that most of the crew doesn't care for me. I have no apologies to make. I think you and I may be especially at odds and I'm trying to work on that. It's just that my approach to leading a team is very different than yours. I believe it's important to maintain a distance from the team as the leader. Can anyone really respect you if you're their friend first and commander second?"
She didn't say it condescendingly. Rather, there seemed to be a genuine curiosity in her tone. Shepard wasn't surprised that Miranda felt that way about leadership, just from having known her the short amount of time she did. She wondered what had led her to that belief.
Even in the Alliance, where there were strict rules against fraternizing, friendships were forged. Shepard may not have had many close friends until she became commander and got to really know her crew, but she had still valued her relationship with other crew members, and had learned working under Anderson that a team that cared about one another was more likely to fight harder on the field to ensure everyone survived. Miranda had obviously never experienced a similar environment.
"I think the two concepts aren't related," Shepard told her. "I respected my old crew immensely, and they're also some of the closest friends I've ever had. When you form a bond with your team, you work more cohesively…begin to understand each other without the need for words. It's hard to explain it, it's more something you just have to experience."
"It's obvious that your former crew trusts and respects you immensely, Shepard," Miranda said. The conversation was perhaps the longest, and most pleasant, Shepard had had with her. "When we hired on Karin Chakwas, she had nothing but excellent things to say about you. And the pilot, Jeff Moreau, when he finally finished talking about his own abilities, he said that you were the only captain he ever wanted to fly under again. Even with the turian…I'm sorry, even with Garrus it was evident how much he respects you just in watching him watch you while you speak."
"What are you getting at, Miranda?" Shepard asked.
"I suppose I just envy you. I don't know how to be the kind of leader you are."
"Well, you could start by leaving your den here once in a while. When we get to the Citadel, go out with some of the crew and have drinks. That's how I first got to know my squad on the Normandy. It was very effective," Shepard laughed. "Or, if you don't want to wait, we can open up the bar in the Port Observatory before we get there. Loosen up a little."
"I don't know how you can be so cavalier in the face of such an important mission, with so much to do," Miranda admitted. "Aren't you worried about it?"
"Of course I am. But what can I do about it that I'm not already doing? I have the dossiers, we're heading to the Citadel to try to get more support, and if that doesn't work, we'll move on to the next recruit. Stressing about it doesn't make time go faster, and locking myself in my cabin and isolating myself from my crew doesn't help anything. Look, I know we didn't get off to a great start, but hell, Miranda, you rebuilt me from nothing. If you can do that, you can have some drinks with the crew and not worry about the mission for a little while."
Miranda smiled, and for once it seemed genuine. "Thank you, Shepard. I'll consider it. I hope that maybe we can…well it would be nice if we could get along."
"I agree," Shepard told her, standing up. "So if you have a problem with something I'm doing, tell me and we can work it out. I don't like passive aggressiveness on my ship. I hope you feel the same."
"Certainly. I'll talk to you later, Shepard."
Shepard left her in her cabin and returned to the elevator. She was pleasantly surprised at how the conversation had gone, and hoped it was the first in a series of positive chats with Miranda. She wasn't convinced they'd ever be friends, but getting along would certainly make battles a little bit easier, if nothing else.
She decided to bypass visiting engineering. She had spoken with the two lead engineers, Adams and Donnelly, at some length before they'd picked up Garrus, and she was still anxious about Zaeed's presence, so for the moment, she would leave him to stew in the little den he'd built for himself in the cargo hold.
When the elevator arrived back up at the top of the ship, she heard noises issuing from her cabin before she even opened the door. She stood for a minute listening, trying to decide what the sound was. It only took a second of quiet eavesdropping to recognize the characteristic noise of feigned passion that could only be attributed to pornography.
She stepped into the cabin and found Garrus sitting at her desk, staring at the terminal, which was playing a vid of a male turian and a female human bending in ways she didn't think were possible. Garrus didn't even flinch or try to turn it off at her arrival. Without even looking at her, he said:
"Shepard, do you know why Joker sent me four gigabytes of turian/human porn vids?"
She stood behind him and rested her head on his shoulder, staring at the vid with the same combined look of fascination and horror that Garrus was wearing.
"I may have mentioned that you were staying in my cabin. And he may have had EDI perform an extranet search for the topic," she explained.
"Do you think this is what we look like when we're doing it?" Garrus asked, his voice laced with concern.
"Well, my breasts don't defy the laws of physics quite like that…"
"Is it normal for human women to make that sound?"
"No, she's faking it for the vid," Shepard explained.
"But you don't sound like that when you…" He started.
"Nobody sounds like that in real life. Oh god, what is he doing to her?"
"Spirits, I'm glad you sound upset by that. I was worried it was something you'd want me to do."
"If you ever do that to me, I'll snap your dick in half," she warned him.
"Understandable. You don't need to worry about that."
"Change it to a different one. I don't like this," Shepard demanded.
He flipped over to the next video, apparently one of many.
"I kind of feel like I should have searched for some of this myself," he said.
Neither of them could take their eyes off of the terminal. Shepard moved slowly in front of him and sat on his lap, draping her legs over the side of the chair and resting her head against his shoulder as she watched. He held her legs and side absently, not removing his gaze.
"I'm glad you didn't," she told him. "This is a grossly inaccurate depiction of what human women are interested in doing. We figured it out the old-fashioned way."
"Oh no, she's putting her mouth on…" Garrus winced. He was still not comfortable with the entire concept of fellatio, it seemed. Before Shepard had…died, he had not wanted to discuss the option, citing that he couldn't get the image of teeth being so close to it out of his mind.
"Okay, but her teeth aren't sharp like a turian's," Shepard said.
For a moment, she managed to take her eyes away from the screen to watch the expressions playing across his face. His mandibles twitched as he watched the vid, brow ridge shifting up and down unsurely.
"See, he likes it," she told him.
"Her teeth are right there! She could just…bite it or…" he shuddered. "I still can't believe this is something other species do."
She patted his chest. "You let me know when you change your mind."
They flipped through more of the vids together. It felt less like watching something fun and sexy and more like watching a nature documentary. Shepard had thought Garrus seemed…well endowed, he was nearly seven feet tall and very proportionate everywhere, but the turians in the vids were an entirely different beast. It made her insides ache just to think about it.
"They've had surgery or something, right?" she asked. "That's not…that's not normal, is it?"
"No," Garrus replied sharply.
"Oh no, that poor girl. There's two of them," Shepard covered her eyes. She could still hear the vid, however, and the turians were making some pretty horrendous and bestial noises.
"Nope. Nope. No, no, no," Garrus said, clicking away from the video quickly. "They started using their teeth."
"Well, this one seems okay," she said as another vid started up. "Look, he's being very gentle with her."
They watched the new vid with interest. Occasionally, Shepard would feel Garrus' subharmonics rumbling in his chest. For a while, they were quiet, intrigued by this new vid in a way they hadn't been by the others.
"Oh," Shepard said softly. "Can you do that?"
"Yes." His hand squeezed her leg. "Can you do that?"
She laughed. "It's been a while, but I probably still could."
A few more minutes passed in silence, though she could feel her heartbeat accelerating, and hear Garrus' breath becoming heavier.
"Maybe we should save this one," she suggested.
"Yeah, I mean, it couldn't hurt to just have it as reference, right?"
"Right. We might not ever watch it again, I mean probably we won't, but we should just keep it anyway." She nodded.
"You, uh…wanna…?"
She jumped to her feet and grabbed his hand. "Yes."