Garrus was intensely curious about what had happened during Shepard's meeting with the Council, but all she would say in front of Miranda was that her Spectre Status had been reinstated. Miranda seemed genuinely pleased by the news, which was an emotion Garrus hadn't yet seen her express. It suited her much better than a frown.
After the meeting with Anderson, they had headed to the pub in the 2nd district of the Presidium and were waiting for the rest of the invited crew members to arrive. The pub was crowded in the evenings, but not as loud and rowdy as a dance club could be. He'd never been there with Shepard, but it had been a popular happy hour spot for C-sec officers. In fact, most of the crowd were C-sec officers, a few of whom he recognized.
Most of the pub's customers were sitting around at tables or in booths chatting and drinking. There was a dance floor a few feet from the booth where Garrus, Shepard, and Miranda sat waiting, but this early in the evening, it wasn't really populated.
Garrus tapped his fingers on the table while they all sipped their drinks in an awkward silence. It felt like hours before Jacob and Mordin finally arrived, and hours more before they finally decided on drinks, though it had only been a few minutes.
"Indecisive," Mordin said as he took a seat next to Jacob across the table from Garrus and Shepard. He was holding a beer in one hand and a water in the other. "Alcoholic beverages fun in moderation, had to choose something light. Important to remain hydrated while attempting inebriation. Dehydration major cause of hangovers."
"For some reason, I can't picture you drunk, doc," Jacob laughed.
Garrus was warming up to Jacob perhaps more than any of the other crew members. He had spent a few hours down in the weapons maintenance room talking shop with the soldier while he repaired the damage to his sniper rifle. He liked Jacob because he took his work very seriously, but he wasn't an idealist. He'd left the Alliance for their failure to act on what he felt were very serious issues. It reminded him of his reasons for leaving C-sec.
"Should be interesting evening," Mordin smiled in response to Jacob's comment, taking a long drink from his beer.
Joker arrived next, sidling in next to Garrus on their end of the booth. Miranda got up to use the restroom upon his arrival, and as she went, he let out a long sigh, watching her walk away.
"I know she's like an ice queen and all," Joker said. "But damn."
Jacob rolled his eyes. "Yeah, looks aren't everything."
"Is she attractive by human standards?" Garrus asked. He still had a hard time understanding what was considered attractive to humans. He had been told directly by Shepard that the same traits he found appealing on her: her muscular physique, the soft hair on her body, her tall and intimidating frame, were considered unattractive by most human men.
Joker laughed loudly at Garrus' question. "Garrus, buddy. That woman is the single most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. After the Normandy, of course."
"She is physically fit," Garrus admitted. "But her body seems thin and supple."
"And?" Joker asked.
"Not appealing traits to turians," Mordin explained. "Heterosexual turian males prefer strength, muscle tone, supportive waists, rounded fringes. Correct?"
"Hm, I know someone with strength and muscle tone," Joker eyed Shepard sideways.
"That's correct," Garrus told Mordin, ignoring Joker.
"Several turian females fit description," Mordin said, scanning the room. "Sexual intercourse normal way to release tension, renew focus on mission. Watering holes common ground for sexual interaction between consenting adults. No other turians aboard Normandy. Just a suggestion."
Jacob snorted into his drink. "You make it sound pretty clinical, doc."
"Salarians have...different views toward sexual intercourse. Primarily necessary for reproduction of the species. Humans, asari, turians, even krogan…view intercourse primarily for pleasure. Differing attitudes," Mordin shrugged.
Garrus didn't know much about salarian culture, he realized, though he knew they had odd mating rituals. Shepard's hand squeezed his thigh beneath the table and he decided he preferred viewing 'intercourse' primarily for pleasure.
"Hey speaking of," Joker interjected. "You and Miranda ever…?" He raised his eyebrows at Jacob.
"Excuse me?" Jacob folded his arms over his chest. "I don't think we're discussing that."
"That's a definite yes. Lucky bastard," Joker grumbled.
Miranda returned from the bathroom at the same time that Kelly arrived. Garrus was beginning to think Shepard wasn't off base in her claim that the human had an interest in him. She always found something to talk to him about when he passed her at her station in the command control center, and she was always staring at him with eyes the size of saucers when they talked. Perhaps most importantly, he'd noticed a distinct flowery scent whenever he was around her. Pupil dilation and pheromones were surefire signs of sexual attraction in both humans and turians.
"Hey guys, thanks for inviting me!" Kelly said cheerfully, taking a seat next to Joker.
"We need more drinks," Shepard said. "Miranda, Kelly, do you want to come with me to get some?"
Miranda had hardly touched her own drink and hadn't said much even before she'd left for the bathroom. She sighed, looking annoyed with the entire affair, but still followed Shepard over to the bar. Kelly joined them eagerly and with a grin.
"Is this, uh…standard on the Normandy?" Jacob asked. "Going out and fraternizing with the crew I mean."
"Surely Shepard's made it clear she believes in getting to know her crew," Garrus said.
"Yeah, but drinks with my commanding officer…never experienced that before."
"Nothing breaks down barriers between crew members like alcohol," he shrugged. "Don't be surprised if this isn't the last time she tries to get drunk with you."
"Hey, I'm not complaining. Makes the commander more human, you know? Pardon the phrase. I just mean, she's like this…this damn war hero. The whole galaxy knows who she is. Look, she's got three guys at the bar trying to buy her drinks."
Garrus followed his gaze to the bar where there were indeed two human men and a turian attempting to buy her drinks. One of the human men was touching her arm in a flirtatious manner. He felt an annoying prick of jealousy.
"All I'm saying is, it's nice to sit here and have some drinks with her and realize she's just a normal person…who happens to have come back from the dead, and also happens to be one of the best naval officers that ever lived," Jacob shrugged.
"Shepard's logic sound," Mordin nodded. "Scientific fact that alcohol lowers inhibitions. Lowered inhibitions increase bonding and comradery. Improves trust."
"To increasing bonding and comradery and improving trust!" Joker raised his glass.
The rest of them raised theirs in return and took a drink.
"So, uh…sorry if this is rude," Jacob addressed Garrus. "But I have to ask and I don't want to in front of the commander in case she gets mad."
"Ask what?" Garrus feigned innocence. He was aware that Joker and Miranda had been told about the nature of his relationship with Shepard more or less directly. The rest of the crew could only speculate.
"You and Shepard…you're uh…well I mean when we found you on Omega. I've just never seen a turian and a human that close with each other. It seems like you guys, uh…"
"Seems like they're fucking?" Joker asked, belching after he took a swallow of his beer.
Garrus' mandibles flared involuntarily with embarrassment. Jacob sighed.
"Well, yeah."
Garrus cleared his throat, glancing over to the bar to see what was taking Shepard so long. A group of men and women of several species had formed around her and Miranda and Kelly, asking for autographs or pictures, a few of them more preoccupied with Miranda than the famous commander Shepard.
"Er…our relationship is…um…complicated," he replied.
"Interesting," Mordin leaned forward. "Human-turian relations strained from beginning, romantic involvement unheard of. Dextro-levo intercourse carries risks. Important to use protection. Allergic reaction could occur. Ingestion of fluid not recommended."
"I'm pretty sure Shepard's not allergic to me," Garrus told him. "I, er, think I would know by now."
"Very interesting. Would like to study this. Most species very private about sexual intercourse. Don't suppose you would be willing to allow observation for scientific…"
"No!" Garrus said firmly.
"I've got some vids you might like, doc," Joker said.
"Pornography inaccurate portrayal of actual sexual interaction," Mordin waved his hand dismissively. "Consider filming for future research," he added, addressing Garrus specifically.
"Sorry I brought it up, man." Jacob looked genuinely apologetic. "I was just curious. I've never heard of that kind of thing between a human and a turian. I mean, no offense, but I've never been attracted to any turian women, you know?"
Joker shuddered. "God, there's so many ways a turian could break me."
"I don't take offense. I never considered humans attractive until Shepard. I still don't understand the appeal in most cases. For instance, there's nothing about Miranda I find sexually attractive, but Joker's practically salivating over her. But those turian women over there, see the one with the red clan markings? She's tall…well built…supportive waist and strong hips…" He felt almost guilty for how attractive he thought the other turian was.
"I don't see it," Joker shook his head.
"Well, you wouldn't."
"You should see if Shepard would be down for a threesome. That would be…"
Garrus smacked him gently on the back of the head. "Enough, Joker."
Shepard mercifully returned with a pitcher of beer and a tray full of other drinks. She sidled in next to Garrus and handed him some of the dextro drinks she'd picked up. Kelly sat next to Joker and Miranda sat down next to Jacob looking as moody as ever.
"What were you all talking about while we were gone?" Shepard asked.
"Nothing important." Garrus shook his head. "Looks like you were getting a lot of attention at the bar."
"Well, you know, you save the Citadel, die, come back to life, and suddenly everyone's eager to meet you," Shepard laughed. "Anyway, half of them were just trying to get Miranda's number."
"Men are annoying," Miranda replied bitterly.
"You prefer women?" Joker raised his eyebrows expectantly.
"My preferences are none of your business, Mr. Moreau."
Jacob mouthed something to Joker, but Garrus was bad at reading lips. He turned to Shepard to ask for clarification, whispering, "What did Jacob say?"
"I'll tell you later," she sat, patting his leg.
"Shepard," Mordin addressed her. "Garrus wouldn't give consent. Understand two of you engaged in sexual relationship. Scientifically interesting. Would be interested in studying, if…"
"What!?" Shepard balked. "Studying!? Excuse me?"
"This is why I didn't ask her about it," Jacob muttered.
"Understand private nature of intercourse, but…" Mordin started.
"Use the damn, extranet, Mordin," Shepard growled.
"You and Garrus are a couple?" Kelly asked, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. "How sweet!"
"Uh, couple is not…" Shepard tried to find the right words. "I mean we're just…"
"It's not that um…" Garrus added. "It's just we…uh…"
"Whoa, stepped on a landmine there, Kel," Joker said.
"Why don't we talk about something else?" Miranda suggested. Garrus and Shepard both gave her a thankful look, her help entirely unexpected. He was just glad he wasn't alone in his discomfort and inability to discuss the matter in any great detail; Shepard was just as awkward about it.
"I see Zaeed didn't make it," Jacob offered the change of subject.
"Who said that?" As if on cue, the grizzled old merc appeared at the edge of the booth, pulling up a chair from another table and sitting down with a pint of beer in his hand. "Wouldn't miss seeing the great commander Shepard getting blitzed off her arse. Speaking of blitzed, you know they've got a drink named after you here, Shepard? Shepard's Elysium Blitz. Knock you flat on your back, that one will. Though I've heard the turian helps you with that." He raised his eyebrows as he took a swig of his drink.
"Surprised someone didn't try to kill you down in the wards," Shepard greeted him coolly.
"If the shit stains in the Terminus systems can't kill me, none of these soft Citadel 'crime lords' stand a chance. They'd be fucking stupid to mess with Zaeed Massani."
Kelly was staring at him apprehensively, sidling close to the Joker. Joker, for his part, didn't seem to mind.
"This is quite a crew," Miranda said, rolling her eyes. "Can't wait to see what other charming specimens you pull in, Shepard. The dossiers I gave you aren't promising as far as reputations go. A convicted killer, a warlord, a thief. It seems the best the galaxy has to offer don't get that way playing nice."
"Or else Cerberus knows the types it can attract," Shepard shrugged.
"You two want to duke it out hand to hand?" Zaeed asked. "Some blokes in here would pay money to see that."
"I wasn't starting a fight," Miranda said. "Just making conversation."
For a moment, they all drank in an uncomfortable silence. Garrus was convinced the evening would be a complete disaster, and thus far hadn't been proven wrong. It wasn't exactly the chummy evening they'd experienced with the old crew on their first trip to Purgatory.
Mordin surprised everyone by breaking the silence first.
"Icebreakers can help ease discomfort until inebriation occurs," he said. "Perhaps a game?"
"What kind of game?" Kelly asked optimistically.
"Salarian drinking games largely math based. May be challenging for humans."
"That's one way of calling us dumb," Joker said.
"You ever play kings, Shepard?" Jacob asked.
She laughed. "Yeah, but I haven't played since I was a recruit."
"Been a while for me too," Joker agreed.
Jacob brought up a hologram card deck with his omni-tool. "We'll teach the others how to play. It's easy and you get drunk fast."
"Sounds like my kind of game," Zaeed said.
Garrus' favorite drinking game had always been strip chips, a game that was popular amongst turians and had been especially popular in the military. It was easy to enjoy a game that typically ended with him naked next to an equally naked female. It wasn't exactly the type of game for a bar though. He watched with interest as Jacob explained the rules, which he thought were a little convoluted, but he got the hang of it as they played. And it did get him drunk fast.
At some point during the night, after rounds and rounds of drinks, the dance floor at the pub had become crowded with people, though dancing was a loose term for what was happening. Shepard and Kelly had gone to dance, both of them dangerously intoxicated; Joker had gone to the bar to flirt with women he didn't have a chance with; Miranda had left halfway through the evening, clearly not enjoying herself in any capacity; leaving Jacob, Garrus, Mordin, and Zaeed occupying their booth, talking with one another like they were all old friends. Garrus was everyone's friend after enough drinks.
"So, Birdy," Zaeed said, his head leaning heavily on his hand. "You're sticking it to the commander, eh? Good for you. If I was…hic…twenty…okay maybe thirty years younger…"
"You couldn't handle Shepard," Garrus told him. "She'd snap you in two."
"I believe it." Zaeed took a sip of his beer and spilled half of it down the front of his shirt.
"Didn't…didn't know…" Mordin's eyes crossed as he spoke. Garrus had never seen a drunk salarian before. He wobbled and his eyes spun like a drunk person of any species might, but he didn't slur his words. Instead, he spoke very slowly, a startling change from his usual rapid-fire method of talking. "Didn't know turians and humans capable…must involve…considerable chafing…"
Jacob had his arms folded on the table, his head resting on one arm. "Do turians even have the equipment?"
Garrus wasn't paying enough attention to be angry. Kelly and Shepard were dancing a few feet in front of them in a way humans often danced together, even platonic female friends, he understood; they held onto one another, breasts pressed together, grinding their bodies against each other, both of them very clearly far too drunk. For some reason, he couldn't look away.
"That awakening something in you, Birdy?" Zaeed asked.
Garrus blinked slowly. "I understand…" his subharmonics wobbled, his equivalent of a human hiccup. "Understand human men…feti…feshi…feshitize…dammit," he sighed. His mouth was not cooperating with his brain. "Human men…" he pointed at Shepard and Kelly and leaned back, giving up on voicing his thoughts.
"It's all right to think it's sexy, Birdy."
Garrus couldn't take his eyes off of them, but he was mostly thinking about all of the things he would have liked to do to Shepard, but decidedly would not be able to thanks to the amount of alcohol he had consumed.
"So, Jacob…" Garrus said. "Now that…that Joker's gone. You and Miranda…"
Jacob shook his head. "Tha's ancient history."
"You two?" Zaeed raised his eyebrows. "Everybody on this ship fucked each other?"
"Haven't…haven't…had intercourse with anyone on ship," Mordin offered.
The lights in the pub flickered and a voice came over the speaker. "Last call. We're closing in ten minutes."
"Bugger," Zaeed groaned.
Shepard and Kelly returned from the dance floor, Shepard wavering on the spot. Garrus grabbed her waist to steady her.
"Guess we have to leave," she said.
It took some effort to corral everyone out of the booth and out onto the Presidium. The walk to the docks was too far, so they piled into a shuttle and took several minutes just to enter the coordinates for their destination.
Shepard ended up with her head on Garrus' shoulder, eyes closed, one hand draped on his leg. He was tired, and the movement of the shuttle coupled with his inebriation was making him nauseous, so he was trying to focus on not being sick. Shepard's hand on his thigh was a good distraction. Even if he was up to it when they got back, though, which was a big if, he wasn't convinced she would be.
He had been insatiable since the first time after Omega, overwhelmed with a need to touch her and taste her, to reassure himself that she was real. Even after her assurances, he felt crazed by his desire for her. Whatever deeper issue that was stemming from, he was aware of it, but he preferred to ignore it like any decent turian would.
Still, she hadn't exactly been opposed, and the evidence was clear whenever he lifted her shirt: raw, angry patches along her stomach and thighs where his rough skin and plating had chafed her; bruises on her bottom where his bony hips and pelvis had slammed against her, and on her neck where he had nipped too hard with his rigid lips. He apologized every time, but she insisted that it was worth it, and he was too selfish to push the issue further. She'd gotten some sort of lotion from Dr. Chakwas that seemed to be helping. And as terrible as most of them were, some of Joker's vids had given them ideas for new, more comfortable positions.
When they reached the ship, it was deserted. Most of the crew were taking advantage of the shore leave, and Garrus suspected Cerberus was not usually so kind to its employees when it came to time off.
Mordin went to lie down on his cot in the tech labs and the rest of them shuffled into the elevator, wobbling drunkenly as they waited for it to move. It went down to engineering first, where Zaeed stumbled off.
"Thanks for a good time, Shepard," he nodded as the door closed.
At the crew deck, Kelly, Joker, and Jacob shuffled out and Jacob said something about drinking some water before they all went to bed. Alone, Shepard and Garrus took the elevator up to her quarters.
They moved clumsily into her cabin. Garrus sat down on the bed to keep from falling over, too drunk to even try to remove his clothing. Instead, he watched Shepard as she pulled her shirt over her head and stepped out of her pants, standing at the edge of the bed in her underwear. The lotion did seem to be helping her skin somewhat.
She climbed across the bed on all fours, but the maneuver wasn't as sexy as she probably imagined it was. When she reached Garrus, she kissed him, her lips wet and sloppy against his.
"We're too drunk," he told her, though he desperately wished they weren't.
She leaned against him and kissed his neck. "Nooo," she said slowly.
He laughed and closed his eyes. Her hands fumbled with the buttons on his pants for a moment and then snaked inside the fabric, brushing against his plates.
"Shepard," he sighed.
Her fingers tiptoed against the soft skin surrounding his lower plating. Any other time, his body might have reacted accordingly, but he simply couldn't, as much as he wanted to. He pulled her hand away from him and curled against her, nuzzling into her neck.
"Too drunk," he muttered.
"Okay," she curled against him and kissed his nose.
He thought that the feeling he had holding her like that, curled against each other, was almost better than sex. A thought like that would have made him roll his eyes a few years earlier, but that was far from his mind as he drifted to sleep.
When Shepard awoke, Garrus was gone, and she found herself alone in her bed, her head throbbing dully. It wasn't the worst hangover she'd ever had, but it certainly didn't feel great.
She shuffled over to her dresser and pulled on some sweats and a black zip-up sweatshirt, then moved slowly to the elevator and down to the crew deck. When she arrived at the mess hall, Jacob was hunched over a cup of coffee looking like death warmed over and Mordin was pouring himself some of the coffee by the kitchenette. She made her way over to Mordin and pulled a mug from the cupboard.
"Shepard! Good morning. Feeling well?" Mordin asked cheerfully.
Shepard groaned and took the coffee pot from him. "Why are you so upbeat? Aren't you hungover?"
"Stayed hydrated, avoided sugary drinks. Major triggers of hangovers," Mordin shrugged.
He followed Shepard over to the table. She sat across from Jacob and Mordin sat next to her. She didn't feel quite as bad as Jacob looked, but she was definitely savoring the coffee.
"Seen anyone else up yet?" she asked.
"Garrus came by," Mordin said. "Headed toward port observation deck. Seemed hungover."
"I'll bet he was."
"Wanted to apologize, Shepard. Overstepped social boundaries discussing scientific interest in human-turian relations. Wanted to…"
Shepard held her hand up. "Please, Mordin. Apology accepted. Let's never discuss it again."
"Understood."
She wasn't going to attempt to make conversation with Jacob, who had barely looked up upon her arrival and was sipping his coffee at an exceedingly slow rate. Instead, once she had finished her coffee, she said goodbye to Mordin and made her way to the port observation deck.
She found Garrus inside, sitting on the couch, staring out the window at the Citadel docks. For a moment, she felt like she was back on the old Normandy, up for a late-night chat when she couldn't sleep. She shook the feeling off and stood behind him, leaning over the edge of the couch and kissing his neck.
"Good morning," she greeted him.
He groaned, his eyes closed. "I feel like death."
"I'm sorry," she rubbed his shoulders. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Go back in time and make me drink less," he said, but his subharmonics vibrated in pleasure as she massaged his muscles.
"I would if I could."
"We need to find a better way to connect with new crew members. Or I need to learn some self-control."
"Maybe both." She removed her hands from his shoulders and he made a pathetic, whimpering sound. She moved around the couch and sat down next to him, draping her legs across his and resting her head on his shoulder. "Look at dossiers with me. I have to decide where to go to next."
She brought up the dossiers on her omni-tool and read them aloud to Garrus. One was for a krogan warlord, with a notation that he might know about Collector technology; the other was for some guy named 'Jack', with little other information beyond that he was supposedly one of the most powerful biotics ever encountered.
"Well, you said Miranda is a pretty powerful biotic, right?" Garrus asked, eyes still closed. "And we could use a krogan in Wrex's wake. Which target is closer to the Citadel?"
Shepard browsed the location information against a small-scale version of the galaxy map on her omni-tool. "The krogan is."
"There you go. What would you do without me?" Garrus chuckled.
He was joking, but she did genuinely wonder. Now that he was with her again, she didn't know how she'd lasted even a few days without him. The thought always felt selfish after how much time he'd been without her, and beyond being selfish, it was mired in some deeper feeling she didn't want to name.
She looked up at him as he lay with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. She was so worried about him. There was no doubt he'd missed her, emotionally and physically: the evidence was plain on her body. Ever since she'd rescued him on Omega, though, something had been different; he wasn't himself. He would still talk for hours with her about some things, but when she asked him more about what he'd been doing while she was dead, he would grow quiet and ask to change the subject. She didn't want to press him on it: everything was still so fresh and it could take time for him to be ready to discuss. In the meantime, it was another worry on her plate, among so many others.
Of course, there were things she wasn't telling him either. That she felt guilty for being dead, as if she could control it, because of what he had gone through in the interim; that she was angry that Cerberus had yanked her back into the land of the living to hold it over her head and force her into a battle that should have already been addressed two years after Sovereign's attack; that none of this seemed fair and the only way to cope with it was to keep pushing ahead because if she didn't, no one would.
Instead of saying any of this, she closed her omni-tool and lifted her hand gently against the exposed underside of his jaw, stroking the soft skin there. His chest rumbled as his subharmonics vibrated. She loved the sounds he made.
"Spirits, Shepard, if my head didn't hurt so much…" he muttered.
She let her hand drop and nestled her head in the little nook between his neck and his cowl; it was the perfect spot for her to rest. Her head was still aching too, though the coffee had helped somewhat. For a while, she just lay there enjoying the warmth of his body and the calm sound of his breathing. He rested one hand on her legs where they lay draped over his own, the other curling around to hold her waist, and for a moment, the rest of the galaxy was lightyears away.
"What were you doing in here this morning anyway?" Shepard finally said after some time had passed.
His hand moved lazily up and down her leg. "Couldn't sleep, didn't want to wake you so I came down here. It's not the same as the old observation deck, but I like what they've done with the old one, so I guess I can't complain."
She was about to reply when the door opened and Miranda walked in.
"Shepard, Mordin said you were…oh. Am I interrupting something?" she asked, staring at the two of them with that look of confusion and mild disgust she reserved just for them.
Shepard stood up reluctantly. "No. Did you need something?"
"Just wanted to chat, if you have a moment."
"Sure." She turned to Garrus before she left, "Go get some coffee, Garrus, it will help."
He groaned and waved his hand dismissively in response. Shepard followed Miranda across the crew deck and into her cabin, taking a seat in front of her desk. She wondered if these meetings were going to become a regular thing.
"What did you want to talk about, Miranda?" She asked.
Miranda leaned against her desk instead of sitting. "Last night was absurd. I've never seen anything like it amongst a group of soldiers and their commanding officer."
"This isn't the Alliance. And I prefer to get to know my crew, as I've told you. It's fine if it's something you're not comfortable with. It's one of many ways to get to know people. I can't be running into battle with people I don't trust, Miranda. This mission is too important. I'm having a hard enough time trusting Cerberus as it is, and I know that may be hard for you to grapple with. I'm trying here."
"I understand, Shepard," Miranda said, her face softening. "I know I can be critical. I really am just trying to understand. There's so much about you that's steeped in a legend that I always knew couldn't possibly be true. Reconciling rumors with reality is difficult. I thought you'd be…more serious."
"Like I said before, there's a time and place for everything. It would be nice to have all of my old crew back, but I at least have Garrus now. That's one person behind me on the field that I know will have my back. I'm serious when it comes to this mission, Miranda, believe me. No one is more serious about the Reaper threat than I am. But this can't happen overnight. Even if we do get more info on the collectors, if we can prove they're working with the reapers and find a way to stop them, I can't just go charging into battle with this team Cerberus is having me assemble. I could have the most skilled soldiers in the galaxy, but it doesn't mean shit if I can't trust them."
"I defer to you, Shepard, as always. You wouldn't be where you are…who you are…to so many people if you didn't know what you were doing. I hope you understand I'm not…" Miranda sighed heavily, "I'm not trying to judge. Only to comprehend…maybe even learn. I just hope that our end goals align with one another."
"I hope that too, Miranda. And I hope you can understand that this isn't something you can just engineer overnight and suddenly the team will be working like a well-oiled machine. It takes time, more than anything else. You think I trusted a krogan like Wrex when I first met him? We had to earn each other's trust. I hope the same can happen for you and me."
Miranda nodded. She really did seem curious, more than anything else. Shepard wondered what was going through her mind. She was beautiful, intelligent, and had led the team that rebuilt an entire human being; where was there room for doubt?
Of course, that wasn't being fair. Others might have said the same for Shepard: 'how could the hero of the Citadel ever doubt herself?' It wasn't that simple. After all, no one was perfect.
"Shepard, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"It's a personal question, not military related. It might be considered rude, but…"
Shepard privately thought that Miranda hadn't been concerned with being rude otherwise since they'd met, but she kept that thought to herself. "Just ask it, Miranda. I'd rather address a concern than have an uncomfortable situation."
"I don't mean to be offensive," Miranda prefaced. "I have a hard time understanding your relationship with the tur…with Garrus."
"Why I trust him? Or why I'm sleeping with him?" Shepard asked, already guessing it was the latter. After all, any type of friendly or productive relationship between humans and turians was rare; she and Garrus thought they were the first to even try it until Dr. Chakwas had summarily ruined any naïve notions that they had broken some hitherto untouched boundary. It was natural for other people to be curious about it.
"Both," Miranda admitted. "I'm not well acquainted with many aliens."
"I'd imagine most people working for Cerberus aren't," Shepard replied without thinking. She felt bad about it once the thought had escaped her lips, but not bad enough to retract the statement with an apology.
Miranda ignored the jibe. "Turians especially have had a poor relationship with humans. Obviously, I don't need to spell it out. I know I'm not the only human who's apprehensive of their kind."
"I was scared of turians when I was a kid," Shepard told her. "But it's funny how prejudices fade when you forced to work with someone and see them as a person with a life and interests and hopes and dreams, not just some one-dimensional caricature. Garrus earned my trust on the battlefield. We've been through a hell of a lot together."
"Even so," Miranda hesitated before she finished her thought. "I know everyone's preferences are different, but you could have plenty of men, Shepard. I saw you at the bar last night. I just don't understand the…the attraction."
Shepard let out a loud laugh without meaning to. "Trust me, Miranda. You're not alone in that. I don't really think I have the time or the words to explain that particular aspect to you."
"I should apologize, Shepard. I know I'm not very good at hiding my feelings on the subject. It's not my business, I was just curious."
"I'll tell you when you've gone too far," Shepard told her, standing up. "See? This is how people get to know each other. Maybe you should try it with Garrus. He's really just a big dork underneath all that plating. You're both good with tech, I'm sure he'd talk to you about it."
"I'll…consider that," Miranda sounded skeptical.
"And the plus side is, he might be one of the only men you don't have to worry about hitting on you. Human attractiveness goes right over his head."
Miranda laughed and the sound surprised Shepard. She'd barely seen the woman smile, let alone let out a real, genuine laugh. It was nice to hear.
"I'm going to go map out a route for the next targets with Joker…if he's awake. You know where to find me if you want to talk," she told Miranda.
"Thank you, Shepard. Keep me apprised of any updates to the travel log, if you don't mind." Miranda moved behind her desk and took a seat.
Shepard left her, feeling the conversation had gone better than the last, still distrustful of the woman, and Cerberus, and all that they stood for, but hoping that eventually, she might gain a deeper understanding.