Chapter 11 – Interview with a Toad

Toad – for it was he – genially welcomed them in. He seemed relaxed, confident, and not at all surprised to see them. He was even stouter than Otter remembered; he filled his expensively tailored clothes like an over-inflated balloon. He dripped with wealth: a gold fob watch on a heavy gold chain; an emerald tiepin of improbable size; cufflinks which sparkled with diamonds; a massive signet ring. Portly thought: "bloated capitalist!" Otter thought: "Toad seems different." He said "Toad, you seem to have been expecting us."

"You were not expecting me, Otter? Well, I wasn't expecting you either, pleased as I am to see you both; I was expecting Fox. Is he on his way do you know? But I am forgetting my manners; please do come and sit down."

He led them to a low table with two comfortable chairs. A slight gesture from Toad and two servants in hotel livery brought up a third chair for Portly.

"Portly my boy, will you take coffee with us? Splendid! A third cup if you please."

One of servants set down a large silver tray containing a large jug of coffee, hot water, cream, sugar, little cups and saucers, and all the requisites for morning coffee. Three cups were poured, and after a "Thank you, that will be all" from Toad, the hotel staff withdrew.

As soon as the door clicked to, Otter seized the moment: "Toad what on earth are you up to? Why are you here, and why did you put up a hundred pounds for the arrest of someone you can know nothing about?"

Toad merely beamed. "Otter, old man, I'm here because I'm coming home. I expect to be back inside Toad Hall in a few days. I got back from the continent a couple of weeks ago, and spent some very fruitful time in the capital. I put up that little award" – and his voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper – "I put up that award to oblige some very good contacts I have in The Ministry."

He looked very pleased with himself. "I didn't get to where I am now by digging ditches you know. They say it's who you know that counts, and I've done very well indeed knowing who I know. I'm merely repaying a favour. No – I'm also 'serving the local community' as Fox puts it: in the right hands that hundred pounds could be a huge boost to the village and the Wild Wood."

Otter stared at Toad's smug, self-satisfied features. "Toad, your business affairs are your own business, but I am an old friend: how much trust do you put in Fox? I've reason to believe that he is an out-and-out scoundrel."

"Yes, he does cut corners and his word is not his bond, but he has played fair with me. He knows better than to get on the wrong side of Toad, eh. Ha ha!"

Otter spent several minutes relaying 'in strict confidence' some the things he had learnt about Fox, not just from the elves, but also from the stoats and various rabbits, including his special constables. Having successfully dented Toad's composure he returned to the topic of Radagast: "Why are your 'contacts' in the capital so eager to arrest this Radagast; what did they tell you about him?"

Toad was not going to allow Otter to dominate the conversation so easily. "Never mind him, what about Fox; he is going to hand back Toad Hall to me isn't he? He promised to be out by this Friday. And that the old place would be left as he found it. It was in a terrible mess after we got the ferrets and weasels out, you know. Terrible! I was expecting him here by now; you haven't seen him have you – this morning I mean?"

Otter had not yet heard about Fox's flight from The Earth, and pleaded ignorance as to Fox's whereabouts. He told Toad, who was starting to look quite panicky, about Fox coming to see him in a rage after the elves had expelled him from Toad Hall. He told Toad about his own visit to Toad Hall and about the elves, and their promise to be gone very shortly. He did not mention Radagast.

As Otter talked Toad gradually regained his composure and began to smile indulgently. "Oh Otter, you poor naïve country animal: how could you be so taken in? Elves are for children's stories: they - do – not – exist. If these lying foreigners weren't making merry in my own home I'd think it a good joke."

"But Mr Toad," put in Portly, speaking for the first time, "they are elves! Ask Badger or the Water Rats, they will tell you the same thing. We've all met them and talked with them." Toad shook his head theatrically, annoying the young otter considerably. "And wizards, Mr Toad, are they fairytales too?" he blurted out.

Toad shook his head again. "You fellows really have been hoodwinked. Should I believe what you've told me about Fox? I suppose it was these 'elves' who denounced him?"

Otter blushed, could Toad possibly be right? He tried another tack: "You said, Toad, that you were expecting him?"

"It was arranged a few days ago. He was coming to pay me the remaining rent for Toad Hall and sign some papers. If it wasn't for that I'd be on my way to Toad Hall already to sort the mess out, like last time."

Badger had long ago told Otter the true story of the expulsion of the Wild Wooders from Toad Hall, but now was not the time to quibble. "Whether you're right or we are, it's Fox who is responsible for the present state of Toad Hall. If you want to go there then Portly and I should go with you – mind that I am the local magistrate."

Toad assented to that and seeing from his pocket watch that Fox was very late indeed decided not to wait any longer. He rang a bell, and a livered member of the hotel staff entered within seconds. Toad ordered that a motorcar and chauffeur should be placed at his disposal as soon as possible, if not sooner. The man bowed and left. After what seemed a very long wait, in which nothing of consequence was said, the hotel manager knocked and entered. He apologized most humbly, but neither motor car nor chauffeur could be arranged for at least an hour because their regular driver was off on another job. He could produce a hackney carriage within half an hour, but a horse-drawn vehicle might not suit if the gentlemen were going far?

Toad consulted his watch again. He decided to take lunch first; it would give Fox more time to make his appearance. After that they would take whatever conveyance was available. Otter and Portly were invited to join him for luncheon, and Otter immediately accepted for them both, having left home very early that morning and being in great need of sustenance. The chef at the Grand Hotel had a considerable reputation and Otter knew it.

Soon they were seated in a small private dining room off the main room, were they hoped to continue their conversation in relative seclusion, for Otter still had the delicate matter of Radagast to raise with Toad. However, waiters hovered, so Otter could not talk openly about the wizard, and Toad would not speak further about his 'contacts' in The Ministry.

The meal was long and satisfying. Toad indulged his appetite fully, but surprised his friends by drinking only water. "I've given up whisky and cigars completely – for my health you know – and only have a glass or two of wine at dinner. You should do the same Otter; all the best doctors advise it."

Otter further annoyed the sommelier by calling for beer rather than wine with his meal, and allowing Portly nothing stronger than ginger beer with his. It was a long hour before they rolled out of the hotel and into the waiting motor. Portly, full of poached salmon and rather too much ice cream, sat in the front with the driver; the two seniors sat in the back, well swaddled in rugs and firs against the autumnal chill. "Toad Hall driver!" commanded Toad, and they were off.