Two months ago.

Sebastian was home, sitting on the desk trying to concentrate on his homework. He was trying really had but he was failing miserably. He'd been feeling really tired lately, and no matter how many hours he got to sleep, he'd wake up feeling as if he still didn't get enough.

Right now though, he felt absolutely exhausted. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the party at Jason's house the night before. He laughed at himself, because he should know better than to sneak out on a school night, but his parents were out of town and well, he just couldn't resist.

He'd had a few beers, but he didn't really get drunk, so he had no idea why he was feeling so terribly hung over. All day he'd been struggling to stay awake during class, so when he finally got home he took a long nap before starting with his homework. It was Thursday, at least, and he was really looking forward to the weekend.

He continued feeling tired the next week, but he figured it was because of the stress from school. He was just sick of everything, lately even Warbler rehearsals managed to irk him to no end. Hunter was just so demanding about winning regionals, and insisted on having rehearsals every single day after school even though the competition was still more than 1 month away. The only times he could get away were when he had lacrosse games but lately, even that seemed like too much of a task for Sebastian.

Practices had been hellish lately; the coach was pushing them really hard because of an upcoming game. It was the last game of the season, right before winter break.

Lately, Sebastian felt winded too soon during practice, and his endurance was reduced immensely. As much as he tried, by the end of the week, Sebastian realized he couldn't keep up with the team, not like he used to. He was supposed to be in the first line for the big game, but soon enough the coach had noticed his shortcomings and decided to change him, leaving Sebastian in the bench for most of the game while another guy took his place.

He felt angry with himself, but he was sure he was coming down with something. The cold weather certainly didn't help, he'd been getting headaches and his nose was a little runny.

"Do yourself a favor and go to the doctor, Smythe." The coach told him as the team was heading towards the showers. "I need you to be good as new when you return from winter break. We have a great season coming up."

Sebastian just nodded, smiling tightly at the coach's advice; maybe he should go to the doctor and see what the hell he was coming down with. Tylenol didn't help his headaches half the time, and it was unusual for him to get tired so easily. He didn't feel like he was in his 100% at all, and his leg hurt from how he'd slammed against another guy during the game.

Once he got home, all he wanted to do was sleep, and so he did. Later that night, Sebastian felt his leg still hurting, when he took off his pants and looked down to his thigh he could see a large bruise starting to form. Great. That's just what he needed on his last week of school, a big bruise on his leg.

His mom had already told him they should to go down to the doctor, but Sebastian wanted to wait up until classes were over. He needed to focus on getting the highest grades he could manage, after all, this was his senior year and he wanted to be on top of his class.

However, Sebastian started getting more worried when the bruise on his leg refused to fade away as the days passed. If anything, it actually looked as if it was spreading. It turned a deep blue and purple, with bits of red and disgusting green at the edges. It was horrible to look at, and painful when he walked. He was used to having scratches and bruises all over his body, but none of his other bruises had ever looked this bad. He didn't even remember hitting his leg that hard to have a bruise that big.

So he finally let his mom take him down to the doctor's office for a check-up. He talked to the doctor about the tiredness and headaches, and when the doctor asked him to take his clothes off for the physical examination he was alarmed when he saw other bruises on Sebastian's back and shoulders.

"I play lacrosse, I'm always bruised here and there." Sebastian said, but the doctor said he needed blood tests to see if it could be something serious. Sebastian had a complete blood count and X-rays, and a couple of days later they we're called back to the doctors office to get the results.

It turned out that Sebastian's white blood cell count was unusually high, and he knew something was definitely wrong when the doctor said he needed a bone marrow biopsy right away.

He didn't like the sound of that at all, but didn't want to get ahead of himself and panic just yet. The biopsy was a little painful, but bearable, and they were asked to come back in 3 days to get the results.

Those were the 3 longest days of Sebastian's life. No matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep enough to feel rested, and every night he'd wake up breathing heavily and sweating, feeling damp and cold.

The morning of the 24th, he and his mom went back to the doctor's office. His dad stayed home, as he had to go to the airport to pick up Catherine, Sebastian's older sister.

The doctor finally had a confirmed diagnosis, and what he said shook Sebastian's world upside down:

"Acute lymphoblastic leukemia"

The words cut through him, ringing in his ears and echoing in his mind, getting louder and louder. He could see the doctor in the desk in front of them, talking and explaining something to his mother, but he couldn't hear him anymore. All Sebastian could feel was a loud buzzing in his ears, a numbness overpowering him inside and he could faintly feel his mother's hand gripping his own. But it was all so distant, so quiet, muffled, like he was underwater.

Leukemia. It felt like a dream, like a horrible fucking nightmare, but Sebastian was suddenly hyper aware of just how real it was.

He had cancer. He could die. Was he going to die?

Sure felt like it. Sebastian could feel himself shaking, cold sweat sticking to his clothes, dread spreading through his chest.

He dropped his head on his hands, hunching over in his chair and taking deep breaths, feeling panic rise inside him and trying desperately to hold himself together. He could barely hear his mother's voice pulling him back from the haze. Felt her arms holding his shoulders, and her hands soothing circles on his back. Suddenly, Sebastian snapped back into reality, looking up at her and completely losing it. Tears he didn't even feel pooling in his eyes suddenly streamed down his face, choked sobs shaking him violently as they hugged, mother and son inconsolable in each other's arms.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay. I love you, Bastian, everything is going to be okay."

Sebastian clung to her words, wishing them to be true. But they didn't feel like they held any truth. Not once the doctor explained what the treatment involved, and the procedures he needed to go through in order to get better.

By the time they left the clinic, Sebastian was feeling strangely numb. All the crying helped him release some of the tension and stress, so now he just felt light and unattached. Everything around him seemed different, yet he was sure the world still was exactly the same, it was just him who had changed drastically on the inside.

That day was supposed to be a day of celebrations, delicious food and spending quality time with his parents and sister. It was special because they barely ever got the chance to do that during the rest of the year, but now it was ruined. The doctor referred them to a hospital down in Cleveland, certain that they could give Sebastian the best medical attention for his particular case. They had to go as soon as possible and get some other tests done so they could start him on treatment right away.

As his mom drove them back home in silence, Sebastian knew this was going to be harder than anything he'd ever imagined. He didn't know what was worse, the terrible news he just received, or watching his mom cry like she did back in the doctor's office. His feelings were a blur.

When they got back home Sebastian could see his father's car parked in the driveway, which meant he was already back from the airport. His sister Catherine flew from New York, where she attended college, just so she could spend Christmas with them.

The second they got through the door the tears started all over again. Only this time Sebastian just sat in the couch, feeling strangely removed from the situation around him as his mom explained everything the doctor told them. He sat in silence as his sister wiped the tears from her eyes and his father put his arms around him, whispering reassuring words into his ear. He told him not to be afraid, that they would get a second opinion, that he would make sure he was treated by the best doctors they could find.

For the first time in his life Sebastian was glad his father was such a strong and collected man. He just didn't want to cry anymore, not when he knew it wouldn't do anything to help, it would only make him feel worse when he already felt like he was sinking.

So he smiled painfully and tried his best to put up a tough front. He hugged his sister and listened to her as she spoke words of encouragement and faith, he didn't really want to hear it, but he couldn't find it in himself to say anything. Instead he just smiled through his tears as his sister slowly calmed down, their foreheads pressed together and her hands gripping his cheeks and going through his hair affectionately as she prayed for him.

Sooner or later, Sebastian figured, he'd have to get used to this.

He couldn't stop his mom from calling his aunt and grandmother and pouring her heart out. Or stop his dad from talking to his uncle, asking for advice and doctor recommendations. He knew that difficult times were coming and they would need as much support as possible. He just wasn't sure if that's what he wanted.

The process of breaking the news to people was emotionally exhausting. Having people break down in front of him, giving him pitiful looks or smothering him with attentions was just something Sebastian wasn't sure he could handle without going insane. Even though they only told a few close members of the family, soon enough the news spread like wildfire and he had calls and emails even from their family back in Paris.

By the time they went down to the Cleveland Clinic and started him on treatment, Sebastian was absolutely certain he didn't want anyone else knowing about this.

Sebastian knew that treatment was supposed to help him get better, but he didn't feel any better. First the lumbar puncture, then the chest port, and of course, the chemotherapy.

No matter how many things he read online; nothing could have prepared him for what he actually felt after his first chemotherapy session. If he thought having a catheter surgically inserted into his chest was uncomfortable, having all those chemicals pumped into his bloodstream was a million times worse. It felt like being poisoned.

He felt weaker than before, sometimes barely able to get out of bed by himself but refusing to have to use a wheelchair. All he wanted to do was sleep, except he couldn't. Not once the nausea kicked in, stabbing him in the stomach and making him heave until there was nothing left in him but tears and desperation.

It usually got better after a few days, the side effects from the chemotherapy slowly dissipating. But just when he thought he was starting to feel normal again it was time to do it all over again. The chemicals all but killed his immune system, and because of that he had to stay in the hospital for almost 4 weeks. Spending New Years Eve in the hospital, feeling sick and not even being able to eat or stay awake for long was utterly depressing for him, but he tried to not let it show. His mom, dad and sister went over and spent the night with him, sitting uncomfortably in the couch of his hospital room, trying to cheer him up and keeping him company until they had to leave.

By the second week of treatment, his hair had slowly started to fall out, but Sebastian didn't want to shave his head until it was absolutely necessary. He didn't want to be bald; it was bad enough to feel like shit, he didn't want to also look like shit.

He knew he was being stubborn, childish even. But no matter how much hair he was losing, he wouldn't budge.

After the fourth week of being in the hospital he was allowed to go home, though the treatment was far from over. He still had to go to the hospital every week to continue with the chemotherapy but at least he was relieved to be able to be out. He missed his house, his room, everything.

His dad was the one to come pick him up that morning. He got there a bit earlier than he had to and Sebastian was still not finished with his round of chemo. Once Sebastian was finally done and discharged, and right before they left the clinic, his dad opened up his suitcase and took out Sebastian's Dalton cap.

Sebastian smiled and thanked him for remembering; he didn't want to go out without a hat on, not when his hair was all uneven and weird. The cap would hide the bald spots just fine, and it actually matched his jacket, which was a plus. Sebastian looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. It sure made his pale face look better when he did, even if he didn't really feel like he had many reasons to smile at all.

He was used to feeling tired by now, but that didn't mean he liked it. Just walking from the ward to the parking lot felt like a mile long run. Sebastian couldn't even make it all the way to the car. He needed to sit down, so his dad went to get the car while Sebastian waited for him on the benches.

He just sat there, staring at his phone, mindlessly going through his emails and text messages. Trent and Nick had called him again last week, probably because school started long ago and they realized he was definitely not coming back. No matter how many times they'd tried, Sebastian never picked up the phone or texted them back. He just didn't know what to say.

His parents had pulled him out of school without giving a proper explanation to the headmaster and teachers, as per Sebastian's request. He just didn't want people talking about him, about his disease, and about the probability of his imminent death. No, he definitely didn't want any of that.

His parents had agreed to pay for a tutor and home-school him for the rest of the year, but that was obviously not going to happen. Not with all the time he had to spend in the hospital and feeling like crap. He didn't even care about his senior year anymore. Getting into college paled in comparison to actually surviving cancer. It was all he could think about, and all he could muster any energy for.

From the corner of his eye he noticed someone walking nearby, when he turned and looked up he instantly wished he hadn't. Of all the people he could possibly run into, it had to be Kurt Hummel.

"Kurt?"

"Sebastian, hi."

By the look on his face, Sebastian knew Kurt was probably regretting this just as much. But once Kurt sat down next to him and attempted to start a conversation Sebastian felt a little bit more at ease. He tried his best to be polite, after all, he was feeling so drained that he couldn't have been hostile to Kurt even if he wanted.

He felt sympathetic towards him when Kurt said his father had prostate cancer, though he couldn't understand why Kurt was telling him these things. He just hoped Kurt didn't ask him too many questions. He was feeling a little bit dizzy and tired from the 4 hours he had to sit through chemo, and he was sure his brain was not sharp enough to make things up on the spot.

Luckily their exchange was short lived once Kurt's father called, and after saying awkward goodbyes, he was left alone again. His dad appeared right then when Kurt was no longer in sight. Small mercies, Sebastian thought to himself as his dad helped him get into the car.

It was a long drive to get back home, and Sebastian wanted to lie down. He took off his cap and was disgusted at how much hair just came off along with it. He'd been postponing this for too long, but he knew it was inevitable.

"How are you feeling?" His dad asked carefully as Sebastian lowered the window so he could get rid of the hair he shed.

"I'm okay... A little tired, just going to lie down for a while." He said as he pushed down the seat into a more horizontal position.

"If you need me to pull over just say the word."

Sebastian just nodded as he closed his eyes and tried to relax. It was quiet for a few minutes until Sebastian spoke up again.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Would you help me shave my head when we get home?"

"Of course son."

Sebastian still had his eyes closed, so he missed the way his father looked sadly at him, trying to keep his tears at bay as he turned and focused on the road again.

.

The next few days passed in a haze, and even though Sebastian had slowly learned to expect it, that still wouldn't make it any easier. He'd barely leave his room, spending his days in bed, staring blankly at the wall, crying quietly and feeling miserable. It felt like his body was melting from the inside out, and Sebastian was torn between wanting to hold on to his life and beating the cancer, to just wanting to die so he could stop feeling so awful.

Even when he was starting to feel better, by day 5 or 6 after the chemo, he still wouldn't want to leave his room. He'd spend hours staring mindlessly at the TV, not really paying attention. His phone would lay forgotten in a drawer, battery dead from days of not using it.

His mom would come into his room constantly, bringing him food and encouraging him to call his friends, to open up, but Sebastian didn't want to.

"I just worry about you honey."

"It's fine mom, besides…" he coughed, "If people start coming around, I might get sick, the doctor said so!"

She squinted her eyes and gave him a knowing look. She knew he was using that as an excuse.

"That was when you were in the hospital, but now you're here, and you are allowed to have visitors as long as they're not sick. Maybe you should tell just a few-"

"Mom, no."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

He gave her a stern look. They'd had this conversation many times before.

"Catherine recommended a therapist…" His mom said, slowly sitting in the edge of his bed "She sent me an email with her information. I called her and she said we could go and-"

"Oh my god mom!" Sebastian said laughing, albeit exasperated, "I don't need therapy, it's fine…" He dropped his head back on his pillow, rolling his eyes at her, but his mom just put her hand over his own and squeezed it.

"Bastian, it's not good for you to be so alone. Could you please just give it a try, just once?"

He just looked at her and smiled, shaking his head. She was so stubborn, but Sebastian didn't want a therapist, he just wanted to be left alone.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay." She smiled before leaning over to kiss him on the forehead and leaving the room.

He wasn't going to think about it, he knew what he was doing. Once she was gone, Sebastian hastily turned on his phone to check his emails, deleting everything he didn't care for, until a message caught his attention:

"Kurt Hummel wants to be friends on Facebook."

Sebastian just sighed in disbelief.

It's not that he hated Kurt, not at all. Looking back, Sebastian realized the only reason he'd grown to dislike him so much was because of their stupid little rivalry over Blaine. But that was no longer an issue; Sebastian had gotten over that. It was more than obvious that Blaine had no interest in him and Sebastian wasn't one to pin after a guy like a love struck fool. Quite frankly, right now he didn't even remember why he used to like Blaine that much.

Sebastian knew he only had a few more days before he'd have to go down to the hospital again, and the thought of starting the painful cycle all over again made him want to scream. So he turned off his phone and closed his eyes, hoping to get some rest.

Sebastian didn't really want to befriend Kurt on Facebook, but he couldn't, even if he wanted to. Not when he had been avoiding giving any signs of activity online. He'd been ignoring posts on his timeline and messages sent by the guys from Dalton. Only occasionally signing in to lurk around, but not wanting to post anything.

He had all but threatened his sister so she wouldn't post anything related to his situation anywhere. He didn't want people finding out. He knew perhaps it was just a matter of time, because gossip spread as easy as wildfire, but he wanted to delay it a much as possible. Maybe he could get away with no one but his family knowing about it.

It had worked fine so far, and it had been more than a month since he was diagnosed, and Sebastian hoped it would stay that way.

When they went down to the hospital again, Sebastian wasn't feeling quite as recovered as the previous times. Not that he expected it to be any different, but he wished he could stop feeling so damn tired and frail. He'd lost a bit of weight; it was hard to keep enough food down with the constant nausea, no matter how hungry he was.

And if he thought he was feeling bad enough, it only got worse by the time he was out of the clinic. He could hear the commotion among the nurses and some of the other patients. One of the kids died. Sebastian remembered him, his name was Joshua, and he was 11 or 12 years old at the most, he couldn't remember exactly. But he'd seen him around the ward quite often.

To know that the kid hadn't survived was just utterly depressing for Sebastian, and judging by the look on his mother's face once he met back with her at the waiting room, she was affected by the news just as much. She didn't say anything though; she just hugged him tightly as they walked towards the parking lot.

Sebastian wondered if he really had a chance of making it, or if it was just a matter of time until he died, just like little Joshua. He kept his thoughts to himself, putting up his nonchalant and positive exterior as he always did, to avoid worrying his mom even further.

Once they were in the car and already heading back home, they started talking.

"Did you get to finish your book?" Sebastian asked.

"Oh... Almost, I'm not done yet."

"Thought you would have finished today, you only had a few pages left."

"Yeah well, with all the commotion in the waiting room it was a little difficult to concentrate on reading."

Sebastian just nodded; he didn't really want to talk about that. So after a few seconds of awkward silence his mother continued: "I met someone at the waiting room today though, it was nice to have a bit of company. It was a boy about your age, and very handsome, by the way."

"Really?" Sebastian said, not able to hide his smile. His mom was always making comments like that to him. She was really supportive of his sexuality even though Sebastian had never brought anyone home to meet them.

"Yes..." She continued, smiling too, "He was there with his father, very pleasant man. First time I've seen them there, but I'll never forget their names, Burt and Kurt." She said, giggling like it was the funniest thing ever.

Sebastian's eyes went wide at the sound of those names.

"Hummel?" Sebastian asked anxiously.

"Yes, actually. Do you know them? I just thought it was kind of funny how they names rhymed."

Sebastian was at a loss; he didn't know what to say. Knowing his mom, she must have been babbling about him and probably talking about his situation with Kurt. How much had she told him? This could not be good at all.

He took a deep breath, he didn't want to lash out on his mom, not right now when he felt bad enough and this stress was doing nothing to help.

"Something like that... Kurt used to go to Dalton, but he transferred out."

"Oh really?" His mom continued, clearly missing the way Sebastian was slowly shrinking into himself.

He pulled out his phone and logged into Facebook, he tried to message Kurt but realized he only accepted messages from friends. So he hastily went back and accepted the friend request he'd previously ignored, just so he could type in a quick line.

To Kurt Hummel:

We need to talk.

He then just pushed the seat backwards to lie down, trying to ease out his breathing and calm down a little. Just the thought of Kurt babbling up to Blaine or anyone else about him having cancer made him weak with dread. This just couldn't happen; he wouldn't allow it.

He needed to talk to Kurt and stop him before he told anyone. Maybe he could still do some damage control once he got home. Or a least that's what he hoped.

Author's note: Thank you so much for your kind reviews and subscribing to this story. Next chapter, Kurt and Sebastian will finally talk… so stay tuned.