Kurt looked at himself in the mirror for the tenth time, not quite convinced with the outfit he was wearing. He sighed and started taking off his vest, and then unbuttoning his shirt and putting it back on the rack. He never thought this would be so hard, but he wasn't sure what kind of thing was appropriate to wear to a cancer support group.
He stared down at the other options that were spread across his bed. Usually he could make up his mind just by looking at the combinations but in that moment nothing seemed quite right. Kurt wished he could just wear the same thing he wore that morning when he went to the hospital with his dad, but he couldn't. Just thinking about it made him feel gross, he'd been doing a lot of stuff during the day and he had already taken a shower, he couldn't wear his dirty clothes again, even if they weren't actually 'dirty'.
Kurt picked up another shirt from his bed and looked at it, and then his thoughts drifted, remembering his exchange with Sebastian earlier that day.
"Give me your phone."
"Why?"
"Because I'm giving you my number, and you need to give me yours too."
Sebastian made a weird face and Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that look, it's important."
Sebastian reluctantly handed Kurt his phone and Kurt glared at him before saving his number in it. He handed it back to Sebastian and then extended his hand, giving his phone to Sebastian and waiting expectantly as he hastily saved his number in it.
"Great, now we both have each other's numbers." Kurt said, smiling as he got up to leave, "I'll call you later today, when I'm on my way, and if anything comes up, you can call me."
Sebastian just nodded, and Kurt returned the nod before walking towards the door.
"Hey Kurt..." Sebastian called, stopping Kurt just when he was about to walk out.
"What?"
Sebastian just stared at him, there was a hint of hesitation in his eyes but then he just said: "Nothing... just, I'll see you later."
Kurt wasn't convinced, but decided not to ask anything. So he just said "Okay."
And then he left.
It was three in the afternoon now, which meant Kurt had just about fifteen minutes to get ready and leave if he wanted to make it to the hospital on time. He didn't want to risk getting stuck in traffic and being late. So he needed to hurry up and get dressed. As he went through his outfit options, he couldn't help but wonder about Sebastian and what happened that morning. It seemed as if Sebastian wanted to say something but then changed his mind, and Kurt wondered if what Sebastian wanted to say had anything to do with the clothes Kurt was going to wear.
He tried not to think about the times when Sebastian had made rude comments about his clothes before. That was in the past, right? But still, Kurt couldn't help but wonder, especially when he glanced again at the options spread across his bed. Each coat and jacket had something "extra" to them. The camouflaged one he liked to wear with the hippo brooch, the blue one with the tiny golden beads on the collar, and the red one with the black zippers on the sleeves.
Kurt giggled; he couldn't help it. Each outfit had his own personal style and if Sebastian didn't like it well that was just too bad. It wasn't like Kurt was going to wear them just to annoy him. But if he did, it would be fun to watch. It was Sebastian's fault Kurt was going to the support group with him anyway.
"Kurt! Blaine is here!"
His father's voice shook Kurt out of his thoughts as he shouted from downstairs. Kurt was startled. What the hell was Blaine doing there? Kurt could hear steps coming up the stairs and realized Blaine was coming up to his room. Dammit!
There was a soft knock on the door, and Kurt could feel his stomach twisting. He had clothes all over his bed, and if Blaine came in he would just know Kurt was planning to go out. He didn't know what to do.
"Kurt... can I come in?" Came Blaine's voice from behind the door as he knocked again.
"Just a minute!" Kurt yelled, feeling like he wanted to pull his hair out, a mixture of nerves and flat annoyance taking over him. He grabbed the shirt he had just taken off and put it back on, quickly buttoning it up.
Kurt straightened his clothes, lifted his chin and looked at himself in the mirror. He would have to wear this; he had no more time left. He had to find out what Blaine wanted and send him on his way in... Twelve minutes now.
Kurt sighed and said: "Come in!" Not quite managing to hide the annoyance in his tone.
The door opened slowly and Blaine came inside while Kurt started putting away the clothes that were still in his bed, hanging them back in the closet. When Kurt turned around, Blaine was still in the doorway, smiling awkwardly and looking inside at the remaining outfits that were spread across Kurt's bed.
"Hi..." He said awkwardly.
"Blaine, hi..." Kurt said, trying real hard to keep it casual. "What are you doing here?"
"Sorry I... We got out of school early today, no glee club. So I gave Tina a ride and then thought I could come by and I..." Blaine stumbled upon his own words nervously, "I wanted to see if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee or something."
Kurt just stared at him, processing his words, which made Blaine visibly nervous. "You know since we couldn't talk the other day... because of Cooper and-"
"Yeah I know." Kurt interrupted him, smiling tightly in hopes of making things less awkward. "I just wished you'd called first... I um... I can't right now."
Blaine glanced over again at the clothes in the bed, "Are you going out?"
Kurt breathed in.
"Yes, actually."
"Oh."
Kurt just nodded, waiting for him to ask the inevitable question, but Blaine said nothing. Instead the silence was becoming tense in a way that was making Kurt uncomfortable, especially when he glanced up at his clock and realized he only had ten minutes now to get out of the house.
"And um... where are you going?" Blaine finally asked, and Kurt just took a deep breath, pressing his lips in a tight line and giving his ex-boyfriend a knowing look.
"Blaine..."
Luckily, Blaine got the hint, even though the hurt was evident in his eyes, "Sorry, it's none of my business... I'm really sorry I came over unannounced."
"It's fine..." Kurt said, smiling in an attempt to ease some of the tension, "We can always get coffee some other time, right?"
"Yeah, of course" Blaine said, visibly disappointed even through the smile he was currently sporting.
To say things were awkward would be an understatement, but Kurt was glad Blaine didn't push the issue any further. He didn't want to have to lie, but he just couldn't tell Blaine where he was going.
Kurt walked Blaine to the door, and the shorter boy left without asking any further questions. The second Blaine stepped out the door Kurt rushed upstairs to finish getting ready. When Kurt left the house, he told his dad where he was going, but he asked him not to tell Finn or Carole; and even though Burt gave him a weird look, he agreed.
Kurt composed a quick text to Sebastian before leaving, letting him know he was on his way, but Sebastian didn't reply. The drive to Cleveland was fast and uneventful. There was barely any traffic, which was odd for a Friday afternoon, but Kurt was glad because he made it to the hospital ten minutes before six. Right on time!
When Kurt got to Sebastian's room, he found the taller boy standing up, leaning slightly against the window and looking down into the city. The door was already open, but Kurt stayed there and knocked anyway.
When Sebastian heard the knock on the door, he turned around and gave Kurt a small smile. He was wearing a brown hoodie with a grey t-shirt underneath, dark blue jeans and red sneakers. The shirt matched his gray beanie, and Sebastian's awkward smile matched Kurt's own.
"You're ready to go?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian just nodded, walking over to where he was.
They walked together down the hallway in silence. Sebastian seemed deep in thought as they waited for the elevator to take them down to the first floor where the support group met.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, which apparently shook Sebastian out of his thoughts.
"Yeah... I'm fine." He replied, but Kurt knew something was on his mind. Perhaps Sebastian was just mortified about having to attend the support group, but Kurt couldn't do anything about it, so he decided to leave it there.
It wasn't hard to find the room where the group met, since there was a small sign in the hallway that read: "C.C. Cancer Youth Gathering. Friends and family welcome!" Sebastian smacked the sign with the palm of his hand as they walked past it.
The meeting room was spacious and nicely decorated. Inspirational quotes with beautiful landscapes were framed on the walls, and the room had a warm feeling overall. There were already about fifteen other people in the room, a bigger group than Kurt expected it to be. Though quite frankly, Kurt didn't really know what he expected going into one of these things. Kurt knew it was silly, but he supposed it would kind of go like the AA meetings he'd seen on TV, with people sitting in a circle of chairs talking about their feelings, repeating motivational mottos and stuff like that.
The chairs were in fact placed in a big circle, and there were patients with their parents and friends sitting in some of them. The circle was big, and many chairs were still empty as they waited for the meeting to start.
Sebastian sat in one of the chairs and Kurt sat beside him. There was a small space between the chairs but as more people arrived, more chairs were added to the circle and they had to put the chairs right next to each other, leaving no space between them.
Sebastian sat straight and turned to Kurt, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "They said this started at six, and it's already ten after six."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "Stop it, I'm sure it's about to start any minute now."
Sebastian just shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest as the rest of the people took their places in the remaining empty chairs. Then he leaned towards Kurt again and said: "There are more family members and friends than patients here... wonder why that is?"
Kurt just frowned, scanning the room. It was pretty easy to tell who the patients were by just looking at them because well, most of them were bald. But also, there was a boy in a wheelchair and another girl who wasn't bald but was carrying an IV drip hanging from a small metal post.
Kurt looked back at Sebastian and leaned towards him, "Why?" he asked, and Sebastian sighed.
"It's because they need this more than the patients do..." Sebastian said, and Kurt tensed, "It's just fucking ridiculous."
Kurt glared at Sebastian, elbowing him. "Don't say that." He admonished, looking at the people in the room again and realizing there were in fact a lot of healthy looking people in the room, and they outnumbered the patients.
"Welcome everyone, I'm glad to see new faces today." A tall blond woman started saying, "We'll start by introducing ourselves, as always. You can tell us your name, age, diagnosis and anything else you want to share with the group."
Her smile was wide and cheery, and even though some of the people found it contagious and smiled back at her, Sebastian was positively scowling.
"My name is Katherine Morris and I'm thirty five years old." The woman continued, "I'm a breast cancer survivor, I've been cancer free for sixteen years." Kurt's eyes went wide, but it made sense. She was the one leading the group, and since it was a support group for teenagers with cancer, it made sense that she had also suffered from it. It was still unsettling to think about a nineteen-year-old getting breast cancer, but at the same time Kurt was happy to see she had survived.
Sebastian seemed bored out of his mind, which was ridiculous, considering the meeting had just started. So Kurt elbowed him again, in hopes of teasing him and making him smile at least. But what Sebastian did was just glare at him and then take Kurt's hand, giving it a light squeeze before letting go of it again. He then placed his arm over the back of Kurt's chair and left it there.
Kurt was puzzled at Sebastian's sudden affectionate gesture, feeling awkward and even a bit flustered by the feeling of Sebastian's arm behind his shoulders. Even though Sebastian wasn't really touching him, Kurt could feel the heat of his body because of the sudden proximity, but he didn't say anything. Instead he focused and tried to pay attention to the people who were talking.
"My name is Jennifer, I'm fifteen and I have Hodgkins Lymphoma. I have my last radiation session on Monday, and I'm happy about it." Another girl said, smiling "I'm here with my mom and sister, they've been really supportive. I don't know what I would do without them."
"My name is Kevin. Uh... I have stage two Osteosarcoma. I have my first round of chemo tomorrow, and I'm pretty scared." A young red-haired boy said as a woman next to him -probably his mom- hugged him from the side.
"I'm Danny, eighteen, and I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia."
The patients went one by one. And Kurt was surprised to see a few "healthy" looking people were actually patients.
They went on and on, most patients would stand up and introduce themselves and their family members or friends before moving to the next person. When it was finally Sebastian's turn, he didn't stand up; he just reached out to Kurt, taking his hand again but this time holding it tightly.
"My name is Sebastian, and this is my boyfriend, Kurt."
Boyfriend? What? Kurt's shocked expression must have mirrored the ones of several other people in the room.
"What else?" Sebastian continued, smiling casually, "I'm seventeen, I have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia… and I'm still alive." He said before turning to look at Kurt and smiling fondly, clearly overdoing it.
Kurt couldn't have shaken Sebastian's hand off even if he tried. Sebastian was holding it tightly as Katherine nodded nervously and said: "Well, um... nice to meet you Sebastian... and Kurt. Welcome to the group!"
Everyone else nodded and the inevitable whispering was evident among some of the younger members, but Sebastian didn't seem fazed by it. If anything, it seemed as if Sebastian was actually pleased to have shocked a few of the people in the room.
In that moment Kurt wished they were sitting in a table, because he wanted nothing more than to kick Sebastian in the shin. But he couldn't, not when everyone was looking at them, so instead he just smiled, hoping he didn't look as uncomfortable as he was feeling inside. There would be hell to pay when they got out of there.
The remaining the patients introduced themselves. (Way too many for Kurt to remember their names.) All the while, Sebastian kept his hand over Kurt's. Even when Sebastian's grip had loosened considerably, Kurt didn't dare to remove his hand. He was positively glaring at Sebastian though, but the taller boy was simply avoiding eye contact with his supposed "boyfriend."
When everyone had finished introducing themselves, some other guy who introduced himself as Jim Bennet took the lead instead of Katherine. Apparently, there was a "Camp" they were planning for, and they were going to talk about it and the activities that would be available during it.
"So we have a lot to look forward to..." Jim said, "But before we start, I want to give the time to Mrs. Rogers and her family, to say a few words.
A woman stood up from one of the chairs, and she was holding the hands of who Kurt assumed were her daughters: One little girl who was probably ten or twelve at the most; and another one clearly in her mid twenties.
The woman was visibly tired, she looked like she hadn't slept in days, but her expression was warm as she spoke. "We just wanted to come here one last time, and thank you all in behalf of Tim." She started, and Kurt didn't like where this was going. He felt Sebastian's grip on his hand tighten a bit, but when he turned to look at him, Sebastian was staring directly at Mrs. Rogers.
"This group has been very special to all of us since the first day we came here..." her voice was breaking now. "And I know your support was essential to Tim, especially in his last days."
Her younger daughter was looking up at her, and her older one had tears in her eyes. "These are hard times for our family but you are all really special to us, and we appreciate those of you who could join us at the memorial. We will always remember you and I want to share with you something Tim wrote last week..." The woman said, wiping her eyes and pulling out a folded piece of paper from her pocket.
Kurt was startled when Sebastian suddenly let go of his hand. Sebastian stood up, pushing his chair back and stormed out of the room. Kurt was at a loss of what to do. Sebastian's sudden movement didn't quite interrupt Mrs. Rogers, but a lot of the people in the room had drifted their attention to Sebastian's retreating form and were now staring expectantly at Kurt.
He should probably go after Sebastian, right? Right.
Kurt stood up from his chair trying to make as little noise as possible and slowly walked out the door. Once he was in the hallway he looked left and right but couldn't see Sebastian anywhere. He walked down the hallway to the right but Sebastian was nowhere in sight, so Kurt took out his phone and dialed his number, but it was pointless, because Sebastian wasn't picking up.
Kurt didn't know what to do, but figured there were only two options. Sebastian had either gone back to his room, or he was outside in one of the gardens. But in which one? The hospital was huge.
Luckily, after walking to the hallway that led to the first garden, he found Sebastian standing by the rose bushes. He was leaning on the blue metal fence with his arms crossed, looking down. Kurt slowly walked up to where Sebastian was until he was standing next to him. Sebastian noticed him but didn't say anything. He didn't even turn to acknowledge Kurt.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked cautiously, but Sebastian didn't reply; he just shrugged.
Kurt waited for a minute, but the weather was cold and even though he was wearing a coat, he could still feel it creeping up on him. Sebastian was only wearing a hoodie, and Kurt was no expert but he figured it wasn't good for Sebastian to be exposed to the cold when his immune system was struggling with cancer.
"Um... Do you want to go back inside?"
After a few more silent seconds, Sebastian just sighed and said. "No."
Kurt waited for another while; he didn't know what he was supposed to do. Sebastian seemed deep in thought, picking at the leaves on the bush that was in front of him, mindlessly cutting them and throwing them away.
"It's very cold out here, I don't think you should be outsi-"
Sebastian started laughing out loud, causing Kurt to stop midway through his sentence.
"The cold is the least of my problems right now, Kurt."
"Well, I'm getting cold," Kurt tried again, "And I'm wearing a bigger coat than you, surely you must feel it too. Let's go inside."
"I'm fine, you can go back if you want to."
"I can't go back there without you."
"Why not?" Sebastian asked, still not turning to face him, but focused on the leaves he kept picking out from the bush.
Kurt didn't want to snap at Sebastian, so he decided on a different approach instead. He tried to smile and said: "Well, because what kind of boyfriend would I be if I leave you here in the cold?"
Kurt was relieved when his words got an amused chuckle out of Sebastian.
"Yeah, sorry about that." Sebastian said, half-heartedly.
"What was that all about?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.
"Honestly? I was hoping they'd be homophobic." Sebastian said, like it was nothing. "Just, you know… give me another reason to never go again."
Kurt shook his head in complete and utter disbelief. "Sebastian, you must be the only gay man alive that 'hopes' for people to be homophobic. You can't keep doing these things."
"Uh... yes I can, actually."
"That's really immature you know?" Kurt said, and Sebastian tensed visibly. The cold weather made each breath Sebastian took fog up in front of him, and Kurt could tell he was starting to breathe harshly.
"Yeah well, I don't care. I'm not going back there... It's fucking stupid!"
"How can you say that?" Kurt was disturbed by Sebastian's sudden hostility. "The meeting had barely even started when you left."
"You just don't understand Kurt... you don't get it!" Sebastian snapped.
"You're right, I don't!" Kurt responded firmly, turning his whole body towards Sebastian, hoping the taller boy would look at him. "So tell me, Sebastian... Tell me so I can get it."
Sebastian just shook his head, still refusing to look at him, and that's when Kurt noticed that Sebastian's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Kurt didn't know what to do. So he just stayed silent for a long while until Sebastian spoke again.
"I'm just not this thing..." He said, in a voice so low it was almost a whisper, "I am not my cancer."
"Of course you're not." Kurt reassured him.
"That's what everyone says, but then they act like I am." Sebastian huffed, shaking his head, "Therapy, support groups, prayers, I didn't need any of that before the cancer, and I don't need it now either."
"I'm still the same person Kurt, I'm the same guy..." Sebastian said, laughing bitterly, "I just happen to need a shit ton of drugs and visits to the hospital to stay alive. But I haven't changed; I'm still the same. And I'm sick of people acting like I've suddenly become this frail little creature that needs affection and pity and therapy to talk about feelings and all this bullshit... I just... it makes me want to scream!"
By the time Sebastian finished talking he was breathing heavily, and he kept looking everywhere else except in Kurt's direction.
"Well then don't go to the support group, just be honest with your mom and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand."
"No Kurt. It's just... ugh." Sebastian bit his lip as he struggled with words, looking like he was about to cry. "I just don't want to hurt her more than I already am..." Sebastian said, taking his hand over to his eyes and wiping them roughly.
"Hurt her how?" Kurt asked softly.
Sebastian said, shrugging. "She cries a lot, because of me. To see her worry and stress, it just kills me inside."
"But you can't blame yourself for that Sebastian... none of this is your fault."
"My mom is everything to me… and I'd do anything for her but somehow I just can't do this." Sebastian said, his voice trembling a bit. "I can't come here and pretend I can deal with this. I just can't listen to those people talk about their cancer and how they cope and live with it. I don't want to learn how to live with it, I want it gone!"
Kurt couldn't speak even if he wanted to; he felt like a knot had formed on his throat, and all he could do was listen as Sebastian spoke.
"You know that lady, talking about her dead son? I can't help but think that someday that could be my mom talking about me… and that just... sucks." Sebastian's voice cracked at the end as more tears escaped his eyes; but he quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his sweater. He took a few steps back and sat in one of the benches nearby, bending over and putting his elbows on his knees, covering his face with both hands.
Soon enough Sebastian was crying in earnest. Kurt could tell he was trying to keep it together but failing miserably as choked sobs escaped him.
Sebastian wasn't just sad. More than that, he seemed hopeless and defeated, and Kurt felt his heart ache for him. Now he understood why Sebastian had left the room abruptly in the middle of Mrs. Rogers' speech.
Kurt stayed silent as Sebastian sniffled and tried to compose himself. For a moment Kurt wished he could do something, or say something to comfort Sebastian but he was at a complete loss of what to do. He wished he could reach out to him, hug him or something, but he didn't dare. Because even though Sebastian seemed to be opening up a bit, Kurt could tell that at the same time he was still guarded and was visibly embarrassed at the fact that he was crying.
So Kurt decided to walk over and just sit beside him on the bench. He stayed silent for a few minutes that seemed like an eternity as Sebastian just stared at the floor, sniffling. Kurt hated to feel so powerless, but this odd friendship Sebastian and him had going on was still at such an early stage that Kurt feared even the slightest mistake could shatter it to pieces.
"Your mom is strong, and she knows you are too." Kurt said carefully, searching for Sebastian's eyes. "She told me that on the first day we met."
Sebastian huffed, "That's cause I'm really good at pretending. But I know she probably thinks I'm depressed or something, just because I don't want people around me. But I'm not depressed, Kurt. I just want to be left alone. That's all."
Kurt thought about Sebastian's words for a while.
"Is that why you pulled out of Dalton?"
Sebastian sighed, and for a moment Kurt was sure he was going to snap at him again, tell him to fuck off or something. But instead Sebastian looked at him with a resigned smile and said: "No. I can't go to school when half the time I feel like shit and the other half I have to be in the hospital... it's pointless."
Kurt guessed Sebastian did have a point with that, but the fact that Sebastian also cut ties with almost everyone who knew him was still bothering him.
"But don't you miss it?" Kurt pressed. "Don't you miss your friends, the Warblers?"
Sebastian laughed bitterly and wiped his eyes again. "No, I don't."
"I don't believe you."
"They're not my friends, Kurt. I wasn't really close with any of them. They probably only tolerated me because they needed me."
"That's not true..." Kurt quickly replied, feeling almost offended on behalf of The Warblers.
"How would you know?"
"Because they're worried about you." Kurt stated firmly, and Sebastian's head instantly turned in Kurt's direction, his eyes wide and alarmed.
"What did you-"
"At regionals..." Kurt interrupted Sebastian before he could snap at him, "Blaine and I went backstage after the performance. He asked them about you, why you weren't there; and they didn't know what to tell him."
Sebastian just squinted his eyes, like he clearly didn't believe a word of what Kurt was saying, but he still continued.
"Nick said he'd called you. Trent and Thad also seemed worried about you Sebastian, I'm sure they miss you."
"Sure they do." Sebastian said sarcastically.
Kurt sighed, exasperated by Sebastian's stubbornness. "I just don't understand why you would leave just like that. Without telling anyone."
"I just don't want people smothering me and..." Sebastian cut himself off, like he was about to say something but decided against it. "It's just life Kurt... people come and go. It's not a big deal."
Kurt couldn't believe the things Sebastian was saying, he didn't understand. Suddenly Sebastian turned around and looked him straight in the eye.
"Tell me you stay in touch with every single classmate of yours who has transferred schools."
"What?"
"Or members of your Glee club. Has anyone ever left McKinley and you never heard from them again?" Sebastian asked directly, "What about your friends that graduated last year and went off to college? Are you still close?"
Kurt was suddenly confused by Sebastian's questions, "Um, I don't know, I mean..."
"Come on Kurt, yes you do." Sebastian stated, "You don't stay in touch, cause they're not your classmates anymore. They graduated, went separate ways, and maybe you'll know their whereabouts at first, but after a couple of months you'll never talk to them again. Just because I had a different reason to leave school it doesn't make it any different."
Kurt was about to protest but was interrupted before he could say anything when Sebastian turned to the side and cursed under his breath. When he followed Sebastian's gaze Kurt realized there was a nurse walking towards them.
"Sebastian?"
Sebastian sighed, smiling uncomfortably as he slowly got up from the bench. Kurt was confused about what was going on but quickly caught on once the nurse got to where they were and she put her hand on Sebastian's forehead.
"What are you doing here? It's freezing! You can't be outside sweetie..."
"I know, sorry." Sebastian said in a small voice, clearly flustered by the nurse's actions.
"Is this Kurt?" She asked as Kurt got up from the bench and stood beside Sebastian.
"Yeah..." Sebastian said awkwardly, "Kurt this is Felicia, she's a friend of my mom. She um... works here."
"Nice to meet you Kurt," She said with a warm smile before looking back at Sebastian. Her expression turned serious again. "I promised your mom I'd keep an eye on you. I'm surprised no one stopped you from stepping outside!" She said, leading Sebastian back into the hospital.
Kurt followed them all the way back to Sebastian's room, as Felicia told him it was time for dinner. Kurt tried not to laugh at the look on Sebastian's face. He seemed younger all of the sudden, like a child who was being chastised. It was priceless.
Once they were back in the room, Felicia handed Sebastian a menu and talked to him about the options he could choose from. Sebastian just stared at the menu with a bored expression, as Felicia left the room. She said she would be back in a minute to take Sebastian's order.
Sebastian was sitting on the edge of the bed and Kurt sat on the opposite side, waiting and wondering if he should stay or just leave. He kind of wanted to continue their conversation but at the same time he didn't know how to bring it up again. Kurt didn't want Sebastian to push him away, but all the secrecy about his situation was in a way affecting him as well. Kurt just wished he could make Sebastian see that there was no need for it.
Sebastian turned to look at Kurt and put the menu down.
"What are you having?" Kurt asked and Sebastian just shook his head.
"There's nothing remotely appetizing here."
Kurt reached to get the menu and took a look inside. It didn't look bad; in fact it looked like a restaurant menu. Granted, the options were simpler, and also measured; but it still looked pretty good. Kurt was surprised the hospital even had a menu to begin with.
"I can only choose from number five to number nine." Sebastian said, taking off his shoes and lying on his side, facing Kurt.
Kurt looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "You don't like chicken breast and salted vegetables?"
"I usually would, but here stuff tastes like nothing."
"The pictures look pretty good."
Sebastian just snorted. "They're probably stock photos."
They laughed.
"What would you rather be having then?" Kurt asked, putting the menu down.
Sebastian looked up and thought about Kurt's question for a while. Then he licked his lips and said: "I'd love a fried tofu sandwich, nacho cheese Doritos and a Heineken."
"That's really... specific." Kurt laughed, surprised at Sebastian's odd choice of food, "You seriously like tofu?"
"My sister makes these killer tofu sandwiches, I love them. I can't make them myself though, 'cause I suck. So I only eat them whenever she is in town."
Kurt was laughing and shaking his head.
"Fried tofu, avocado and pickles, with some weird white sauce she makes from scratch." Sebastian said, smiling and staring longingly at the wall like he was picturing the sandwich there. "I'd seriously kill for one of those right now... You know, for my last supper." He joked.
"Last supper? What do you mean?" Kurt asked, confused.
"I start chemo again tomorrow." Sebastian said, slumping down on his pillow and staring at the ceiling again. "Don't think I'll be able to eat much after that."
"Already?"
"Yeah... can't catch a break."
"But... I thought you had to wait a bit longer before your next round?"
"Well... I'm doing better, and I guess I'm as strong as I'll ever be. So..." Sebastian said, suddenly serious again. "Can't slack and risk the freaking cancer cells starting a party in my bloodstream. You know?"
Sebastian smiled tightly at Kurt but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that Kurt could definitely see despite the strong front he was putting up.
In that moment Kurt's mind went back to the drawing he'd seen in Sebastian's journal a few days ago and his chest tightened. All Kurt could think about was how Sebastian would go through the thing he dreaded the most tomorrow, and how he wouldn't be able to be there with him.
And that just sucked.
Author's note: Hope you guys liked the chapter! This one took me longer to post and I am sad to say updates from now on might not be weekly as they used to be :( Sorry, but real life has been kicking my butt lately!
My tumblr's always open if you have any further comments and questions. But I changed my URL, now you can find me at sebastian-likes-tofu :D Thanks for reading and reviewing, every comment makes me smile!