AN: Happy 2014 everybody! I wanted to post this chapter on the 9th, cause it's this fic's birthday, but couldn't finish it on time. Anyhow... I hope you guys enjoy it, even though it's a bit of a roller coaster. (My Beta says I almost broke her with it) Love you all!
The next day, Sebastian went to the hospital with his mom to get his next round of chemo. Kurt couldn't help but feel a little bad because he wasn't able to go with him this time, because he had to pick his dad up from the airport.
It was a relief for Kurt to finally have his dad back in town, he'd been away for a little over two weeks and Kurt felt like he was having separation anxiety. Though it was probably just because he was worrying about his health. He had his tests in two weeks to see if he needed the surgery, so Kurt still couldn't quite relax about that yet. He wouldn't be able to feel safe until his dad was officially done with cancer.
Finn and Kurt took their parents out for dinner that night after picking them up from the airport, enjoying a night out with them and getting all the details from Burt's trip. Carole was excited as usual and Burt was tired, but glad that he had been able to catch up with the work he'd been neglecting because of his cancer treatment.
Later that night, when Kurt got back home, he dialed Sebastian's number to check up on him, but Sebastian didn't answer. Kurt wasn't really surprised, as he figured he must have been sleeping, so he decided to wait until the morning to try to talk to him again.
The next morning Kurt tried calling Sebastian again, but his phone was turned off. Exasperated, Kurt dialed Mrs. Smythe to ask about Sebastian and see how he was doing.
"He's resting, Kurt. Bastian has been sleeping a lot since we came back from the hospital yesterday." Mrs. Smythe said. "The doctor told us his counts were still lower than he'd like, but that he could still go through with the treatment if he was feeling up for it, and you know Bastian, he wanted to waste no time."
"Yeah, I know... He's determined to go to nationals."
"Joseph is so worried about Bastian making that trip to Los Angeles. We're a little divided in that sense. I fully support him, because I know how much it means to him. Besides, it will only be a couple of days, and I'm going with him. The doctor will be monitoring his health closely this next week to make sure he is strong enough to make the trip, so it should be fine."
"Yeah, hopefully everything will work out." Kurt said, feeling glad to see how supportive Mrs. Smythe was of Sebastian. "I hope he gains his strength back soon. Will you tell him I called?"
"Of course dear. Thank you so much for calling."
Kurt hung up feeling slightly better and hoping he would hear back from Sebastian later.
...
Sebastian pulled down his tie, it felt too tight around his neck, even though he had already adjusted it several times. He took a deep breath, and straightened out his blazer.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the twenty first National show choir competition!"
The crowd was silent and expectant, as the curtains were lifted. Sebastian could feel the energy of the guys behind him as they walked together to the center of the stage. When he turned to his left, Jeff looked dapper and ready as ever. The melody of the voices of the Warblers rung in his ears, but Sebastian stood there paralyzed.
He knew it was his cue to sing, but when he opened his mouth nothing came out. He could feel the panic creeping up on him, suffocating him. He couldn't hear the Warbler's voices anymore, all Sebastian heard was the sound of his own heartbeat banging loudly behind his ears. The eyes of every single person in the auditorium were fixed on him and he felt like he was sinking. Sebastian's head started spinning, his blazer felt heavy -almost suffocating- and cold sweat stuck to his shirt underneath it.
The moment he opened his mouth to try to sing again, his legs gave up on him and he fell to his knees, shaking.
"Sebastian… Sebastian! What are you doing on the floor, baby?"
Sebastian opened his eyes and realized he'd fallen asleep in his bathroom floor, hunched over the toilet. He felt his mother's arms helping him up and he felt like an idiot. He'd gone into the bathroom feeling really nauseous, and hadn't been quite able to muster the energy to get up after he was done throwing up his breakfast.
His legs felt wobbly as he walked with his mom towards his bed. He lied down and his mom pulled the sheets over him. She put her hand over his forehead and gave him a concerned look.
"Bastian, you're so cold. What happened?"
"I'm fine mom… I'm just tired."
"Baby you were sleeping on the floor…"
"No, I wasn't I just… I was just about to get up I swear, I'm just a little tired, that's all."
"Did you take the Zofran?"
"Yeah." Sebastian lied. He hadn't taken his pills because he had forgotten, but he didn't want his mom to worry about him. So he just lied and hid himself further under the covers. "I'm just gonna sleep some more."
"Kurt called last night… He was asking about you."
Sebastian smiled and sighed. "What did you tell him?"
"I just told him that you were sleeping." Mrs. Smythe said, caressing Sebastian's cheek with the pad of her thumb. "Maybe you can call him back later, when you're feeling a little better."
"Okay, I will." Sebastian said, closing his eyes.
"I'll bring up your phone. You left it downstairs."
"Thanks mom."
Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to relax as his mom got up from his bed and left his room. He wanted to sleep, but at the same time he was dreading it. His nightmare replayed over and over in his head. Sebastian felt his stomach lurching just thinking about the possibility that it could come true, because... What if he ruined The Warblers' chances at Nationals? Sebastian was terrified, but he was not a quitter, and he was determined to go to Nationals and win no matter what. Sebastian felt frustrated at the complete lack of control he had over his body lately. But deep down he knew he only had to wait. In a few days the worse of the side effects would pass and he would be able to rehearse again with Jeff and the guys. He still had two weeks left before Nationals, and he was not going to mess it up.
Sebastian needed to get his strength back. So he drank a little bit of water and tried to relax, and after a long time of tossing and turning in bed, he was able to fall into a peaceful sleep. Sebastian woke up hours later, feeling like he had a hangover… or worse. He reached out to his bedside table and grabbed his phone. He smiled once he realized he had a text message from Kurt.
From Kurt Hummel:
How are you? Call me when you're up :)
Sebastian sighed, because even though he really wanted to talk to Kurt, he still didn't feel quite up for it. What would they talk about anyway? How he was feeling after the chemo? It was a conversation Sebastian didn't really feel like having at the moment. He felt groggy and achy and he was sure Kurt would notice it just by listening to his voice. If he was going to call Kurt, he had to have something more interesting to talk about.
Sebastian stood up on shaky legs and stretched his arms before walking up to his closet. He took a deep breath as he took out his Dalton Blazer, giving it a scrutinizing look. He then pulled up one of his shirts, tie and slacks and spread them over the bed. It had been really long since he'd worn his uniform; so he needed to try it on to see how it fitted, since he had lost a bit of weight the passed few months.
The uniform was clean and neatly ironed, but Sebastian was feeling filthy from being in bed, and didn't really feel like putting it on. Maybe he would feel better after a shower, so he decided to do just that.
When Sebastian got to his bathroom he took a look at the bathtub and realized that it had been quite a long while since he'd used it. So he turned on the faucet and sat on the toilet, staring at the hot water as it flowed out of the faucet and it slowly filled the tub.
He was never one to particularly take a long time in the bath, but this time Sebastian took his time in the tub, reveling in the feeling of the warm water around him. There was something incredibly soothing about the warm water, the bubbles, and the music he had playing that helped Sebastian feel better. For a moment, Sebastian was able to remove himself from his current situation, forgetting about the sickness and pain and just relaxing. His mind wandered to better times, of his summers in Paris with his grandmother and cousins, days of relaxing outside in the garden of his grandmother's estate, lounging by the pool and drinking expensive wine. Sebastian sighed, wishing he could go back there sometime. Maybe when this was finally over, when he got done with his treatment… when he was finally healthy, he could go again.
Sebastian wanted to just get away and relax, but there were so many things on his mind. He tried not to think about how his dad had promised to take him to the lake house, but they hadn't really been able to go because of his health, and all his pending school assignments.
He could have probably stayed in the water for hours, if it wasn't for a sudden knock on his bedroom door. It was loud enough that Sebastian heard it, even though his bathroom door was closed. Sebastian got out of the tub and dried himself up before wrapping his towel around his waist and walking out to his bedroom.
"Seb? Can I come in?" Came the unmistakable voice of Sebastian's cousin behind the door.
Sebastian walked towards the door to open it, and Alex greeted him with a wide smile and a tight hug.
"Hey man!"
"Alex... It's good to see you!" Sebastian said, feeling genuinely surprised to see him.
"You too man… How are you?"
"Good… I'm good, just took a bath and… Well I'm feeling pretty good."
"You look tired."
"I know I look like shit." Sebastian said bluntly, and Alex's eyes went wide.
"No! You don't… That's not what I meant!"
"No, I know… But I feel pretty good, I swear." Sebastian said smiling, and it wasn't entirely untrue. He was feeling good at the moment, at least better than earlier, but he still felt the lingering presence of his headache threatening to return, and his body felt heavy and achy whenever he moved. But he was determined about not letting it show.
"So what are you up to?" Alex asked.
"Well, not much. I'm just resting, not really feeling in the mood for anything else."
"Kurt told me you're going to LA next week for Nationals."
Sebastian turned around and frowned. "Kurt told you that, huh? When did you guys talk?"
"Oh, we talk all the time." Alex said, completely aloof at just how his words affected Sebastian. "On Facebook mostly… or you know, texting and stuff. He is really cool… I like him."
"You like him." It wasn't a question, but Sebastian's words were tentative. Alex stared at him and replied cautiously.
"Yeah… I do. Don't you?"
"Yeah... Kurt's great."
"Just great?"
A little more than great. Sebastian's mind supplied. But he didn't say anything out loud. He just smiled and Alex cracked up. "Is there anything going on between you guys?"
"We're friends… Just friends."
"Oh come on, Seb!" Alex said, squinting his eyes at Sebastian.
"What?"
"Just friends, really?"
"Yes, Alex. We're just friends. Is it really that hard to believe?"
"No… Not at all." Alex said, shrugging. "I just thought there was something else going on… That's all."
Sebastian had mixed feelings about Alex's comment. Was he skeptical about Sebastian and Kurt being just friends because of Sebastian's history with guys, or because he knew something Sebastian didn't? How much did Kurt and Alex talk anyway? Had Kurt said something to Alex? Sebastian had so many questions… But he didn't voice any of them to Alex; he just remained thoughtful. Clearly Alex had something on his mind too, as he mindlessly typed in his phone while Sebastian finished drying himself up and put on his boxers and a t-shirt.
Sebastian walked back to the bed, grabbed his shirt and put it on. He was buttoning it up when he caught Alex's eye. He was staring at him with a glint of mischief and Sebastian raised his eyebrows, questioningly.
"So… Would you mind if I asked him out?"
Sebastian almost choked at the sound of Alex's words.
"You… What?!"
"If I wanted to ask Kurt out… Like, on a date. Would that be okay with you?"
Sebastian couldn't even speak… He just laughed out loud in complete disbelief. "You want to ask him out? Really?"
"Well… Yeah."
"But I thought you weren't even sure about… I mean, y-you're not even out!" Sebastian accused, feeling completely flabbergasted. But Alex just kept going.
"I know… but I could, you know... Give it a try."
Sebastian huffed and shook his head. He would feel amused by the ridiculousness of Alex's idea if it wasn't for the fact that he was feeling irrationally protective of Kurt all of the sudden.
"Give it a try… Huh? Are you serious right now Alex? You can't…"
"What?"
"You can't just do that… It's a terrible idea."
"Why?" Alex asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. It was as if he was challenging Sebastian.
"B-because… Kurt's not just some thing you can try!" Sebastian spat out, feeling more frustrated than ever, both with Alex and with himself for not being able to quite express himself. After a brief moment of just looking at him incredulously, Alex's expression shifted, and he just smiled.
"You're jealous." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
"No… I'm not jealous." He said defensively, but that only made Alex's grin grow wider.
"Yes you are! Why don't you just admit it Seb? You don't want me to ask Kurt out because you like him… you have feelings for him."
Sebastian just rolled his eyes and laughed, shaking his head and turning his back to Alex. He picked up his slacks from the bed and put them on. They still fitted, albeit a little loose around the waist, but Sebastian was kind of expecting that. He put on his belt, taking extra time and trying to avoid Alex's gaze because as much as he hated to admit it, Alex was right.
When Sebastian turned around, Alex was smiling and looking quite pleased with himself.
"What?"
"Kurt is asking about you."
"You are talking to him right now?"
"Yeah… He asked me to tell you to get on Skype so he can see how you look in your uniform... He wants to see you!" Alex sing-songed that last bit, and Sebastian couldn't help but smile even if he was feeling like smacking Alex in the head.
"You're a smartass, did you know that?" Sebastian said, shaking his head. He walked over to his desk and turned on his laptop. He then went back to his bed and picked up his tie, putting it around his neck and working on the knot as he looked at himself in the mirror.
"Just admit that you like him."
"Ugh… Shut up."
"Kurt's been a good friend to you, and he is really attractive… There's nothing wrong with it. Why won't you just admit it? " Alex pressed and Sebastian just rolled his eyes.
"You're such a pain in the ass, Alexander." Sebastian said, but he was smiling.
"You're not denying it!" Alex said, giggling as he got up from the bed and sat in Sebastian's desk, logging himself onto Skype.
Sebastian put his blazer on and took a deep breath, analyzing his reflection with scrutinizing eyes. Technically, the uniform still fit him, but Sebastian didn't feel comfortable wearing it. Maybe it was the fact that his blazer felt a size bigger than it should be, and his pants felt too loose on his hips even with the belt, or maybe it was the fact that Sebastian didn't look the same as he used to.
Sebastian had always been a lanky guy, but now he was just plain skinny. His face was different too, his skin looked pale and it made his freckles stand out even more, he had no hair on his head and his eyebrows were slowly fading away too. Alex was right, Sebastian did like Kurt, but how could Kurt like Sebastian back when he looked like this? Kurt and Sebastian were friends now, he knew that. But physical attraction was something entirely different. For many years Sebastian had relied on his good looks and boyish charm to give him the confidence to pursue any guy he wanted, but now that all that was gone he felt like he had nothing to stand on.
"Hey Alex! Hey Sebastian!"
Kurt's voice shook Sebastian out of his thoughts. When he turned around and saw Kurt's face smiling wide on the screen, he couldn't help but smile back and wave.
"Whoa… You're looking good there!" Kurt said, and if Sebastian's cheeks felt a little bit warmer, he tried not to let it show.
"Thanks…" He said, rubbing the back of his head with his hand as he walked closer to the computer.
"How are you feeling?"
"Good, I'm good." Sebastian said, smiling. "How about you?"
"Oh, a little bored here today. My dad and Finn went out to get some supplies for the shop. They've been gone all morning, and Carole went out to run some errands. So I have the house all to myself."
"Sounds like fun."
"I'm actually bored out of my mind." Kurt said, laughing.
"Then you should come over!" Alex chirped in with a smile.
"Oh I can't… I promised Carole I'd help her with lunch later when she returns. But maybe I can come over tomorrow."
"Aw but I won't be here tomorrow." Alex said with a pout Sebastian wished he could smack right off his face. Just a sideways look at him told Sebastian that Alex was doing it just to mess with him, so he just smiled as best as he could so Kurt wouldn't notice what was going on.
The conversation between the three of them quickly shifted towards Sebastian as Kurt started asking him how the Warbler rehearsals were going. Sebastian had promised Kurt to let him come over one of these days so he could see them as they perfected their routine, as well as Jeff and Sebastian's duet. Needless to say, Kurt was very excited.
"We're almost ready, I think the guys will be coming over tomorrow for rehearsal again." Sebastian said.
"Already? Isn't it too soon? You just got chemo yesterday." Kurt said, visibly concerned.
"Yeah well, they are rehearsing on their own everyday after school. I can always cancel if I'm not feeling up for it… But I've been feeling pretty good lately." It was a blatant lie, but Sebastian didn't want to ruin the mood talking about his ailments. Even if every minute that passed only made him even more tired. He had slept all morning and yet all he wanted to do was take another nap.
"You look a bit tired." Kurt noted and Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile.
"I'm fine… A little sleepy, that's all."
"Well at least you didn't get hiccups this time. That's good, right?"
"Yeah… That's a relief." Sebastian conceded, "It would be a pain in the ass to try to sing with those damn hiccups."
They all laughed and then Kurt spoke again.
"Well I see your uniform still fits you just fine… Are you going to have anything tailored?"
"Um… No, not really." Sebastian replied nonchalantly, even though he knew he probably needed to fix his slacks so they would fit better.
"That's great Sebastian… And, um… Are you going to rock the bald head? Or are you open to suggestions? Cause there's no way in hell I will let you wear that awful gray beanie on national television." Kurt said, crossing his arms over his chest. Sebastian just laughed out loud.
"Well… As tempting as it sounds, I don't really feel like 'rocking the bald head'. What do you have in mind?"
"Hats… There's a new collection of Fedoras that just came out last week!" Kurt said, smiling excitedly. "I haven't been able to go down to the mall and check them out, but I am sure we can find something for you and Jeff to wear. That way you will both match and look super handsome, and it will look amazing with your Dalton uniform!"
Sebastian smiled at how excited Kurt was at the prospect of buying the hats. Wearing a matching hat with Jeff was a wonderful idea, and it would look a million times better than his awful grey beanie, but just the thought of going to the mall and walking all over the place made Sebastian's head spin.
"So, what do you say?" Kurt asked with hopeful eyes, "We should go this weekend, before all the good ones get taken."
"Sounds good." Sebastian said, smiling as best as he could. He just hoped he would feel better by the time the weekend arrived because right now, he couldn't even fathom walking down the stairs without feeling dizzy.
…
On Friday, Sebastian was laying in his bed glaring at the clock like it had personally offended him. He'd told the Warblers that they could come over for rehearsal, but he was seriously starting to doubt himself. He was feeling a little nauseous and the guys were going to be there any minute. Sebastian knew that he could call them and tell them he wasn't feeling very well, but he didn't want to. Sebastian wanted his performance for Nationals to be perfect and he knew they still hadn't rehearsed enough for that to be possible. The Warblers had already come up with the arrangement for the backup mostly with Jeff, and Sebastian needed to catch up with them and make it perfect.
When the guys arrived, Sebastian was showered, dressed and ready with the best smile he could muster so they could get down to business. They went through the motions of the performance, explaining to Sebastian a couple of new things they'd added to the routine in the past couple of days, and then they started singing. Sebastian did his best and was pretty satisfied with his performance, but he knew he could still do better.
After the second time they were through the song, Hunter approached Sebastian and asked him if they could speak in private. Sebastian nodded, already dreading whatever Hunter wanted to talk about as they walked away from the group and into the hallway.
"So… What's up?" Sebastian asked, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he actually was.
"I just wanted to ask you how you're doing." Hunter said, eyes fixed on Sebastian.
"Why?" Sebastian asked, feeling a little defensive. "Are you not satisfied with my performance, is that it?"
"No, not at all… You sang just fine, more than fine I'd say. But don't think I didn't notice just how out of breath you seemed to be after that second time." Hunter said sternly and Sebastian just huffed, shaking his head. "Look, Sebastian… I just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself harder than you need to. That's all."
"I'm not… I can do this, Hunter. It's fine... I'm fine." Sebastian assured him, as nonchalantly as he could. But Hunter squinted his eyes, and Sebastian knew he didn't really believe him.
"Are you sure?" Hunter pressed and Sebastian just sighed.
He hated the way Hunter was looking at him. In the short time he had been leading the Warblers, Hunter had proven to be a force to be reckoned with. He was a fierce and strict leader who pushed the guys to be the best they could be. A strict captain who didn't hesitate to demand nothing but the excellence, and who would even yell at the guys whenever they messed up or needed to step up their game…. Yet there he was, worrying about Sebastian like he was some delicate flower about to wilt.
Sebastian hated it, but he hated himself even more for giving in to his tiredness. He pushed away his thoughts and took a deep breath, giving Hunter his best confident smile.
"Yes, I'm sure. I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine, Hunter."
"Alright… I just wanted to make sure." Hunter said, giving him a pat in the back as they made their way back to the living room to join the rest of the guys.
They rehearsed for almost three hours that day, Sebastian felt glad that their group number still seemed to need a little work because every time they went through their routine Sebastian was able to catch his breath a bit. By the time the guys left, Sebastian was feeling completely exhausted. He didn't even have dinner that night, going straight to bed the minute the Warblers left.
...
The next morning, Sebastian woke up feeling absolutely wrecked. Sebastian had never been run over by a car, but he was pretty sure this must be what it felt like. His whole body felt heavy and achy, and his head throbbed every time he tried to sit up. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he knew the guys were going to come over at 11 to rehearse again, so he really couldn't sleep in even if he wanted to.
He pushed himself out of bed and when he got out he realized he needed to call Kurt. They said they were going to the mall to check out the hats but Sebastian couldn't go. He needed to rehearse and the guys were counting on him.
He dialed Kurt's number but he didn't pick up. Sebastian felt relieved because he really wasn't feeling up for a conversation right now. He wanted to go back to bed and sleep as much as he could before the Warblers arrived. So he texted him instead.
To Kurt Hummel:
Hey, can we reschedule the shopping thing? Hunter called for rehearsal today and the guys are coming over.
Sebastian sent the text and went back to bed, hoping to get some rest. A couple of minutes later, his phone buzzed with a reply from Kurt.
From Kurt Hummel:
Sure thing! Focus on rehearsal and we'll talk later. Call me when you're done okay? :)
Sebastian smiled, feeling relieved as he closed his eyes and hoped to take a small power-nap before the guys arrived.
…
Kurt couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that Sebastian had cancelled their shopping spree. He had already planned his whole day taking into consideration that he was going to meet Sebastian in the afternoon. Kurt had a lunch date with Mercedes at a small restaurant that was half-way towards Westerville, so when he was done he could drive to Sebastian's house to pick him up.
Now Kurt had nothing to do after meeting Mercedes, and he really wanted to get the hats today, since it was a brand new collection and the store was having a 50% OFF sale on the old collection, there was a big chance that lots of people would be drawn to the store and Kurt didn't want to take his chances and have someone take away a hat that could be perfect for Sebastian.
Hanging out with Mercedes was a much-needed breath of fresh air for Kurt, who had missed her a lot ever since they graduated. Mercedes had lots of exciting new things going for her, and Kurt enjoyed listening to all the stories she had to tell about her life in LA. It also felt nice for Kurt to be able to talk to her about Sebastian, without worrying about her blabbing about it to other people. Which was a concern he had with Rachel, and the main reason why he never wanted to tell her about his newfound friendship with Sebastian.
Mercedes was understanding and attentive as Kurt told her everything, from the moment he saw Sebastian at the hospital to the way they started hanging out in the most unexpected of ways. When Mercedes asked Kurt how he felt about Sebastian, Kurt didn't quite know what to say, but that was answer enough for her, who just smiled fondly at him and told him to take his time. That he didn't need to put a name on what he felt for Sebastian, as long as it made him happy.
After his lunch date with Mercedes, Kurt decided to pay a visit to the mall and take a look at the hats. After all, he could text Sebastian pictures of the hats and make a decision together. It was a perfect solution for his predicament.
When he arrived at the store, Kurt was pleased to see the new collection of Fedoras. There was a huge variety of styles and colors and Kurt immediately spotted the perfect one for Sebastian and Jeff to wear. The hat was a light shade of gray, almost the exact tone of the Dalton slacks and bound with a navy blue trim-ribbon. Kurt tried it on and took a picture of himself so he could text it to Sebastian.
He was feeling absolutely ecstatic about the hat, and he was sure Sebastian would love it. The Warblers had less than a week before the competition, but Kurt was sure that they would be able to work the hats into their routine. Kurt was feeling giddy just thinking about it.
Suddenly, his phone started ringing. Kurt thought it might be Sebastian, calling about the hat, but it actually was Mrs. Smythe.
"K-Kurt?" The minute Kurt heard Mrs. Smythe's voice he knew something was wrong.
"Mrs. Smythe… Is everything okay?" Kurt asked warily.
"Kurt… Is Sebastian with you?"
What? Why would Sebastian be with me? Kurt felt puzzled, but the desperation in Mrs. Smythe's voice unsettled him to no end.
"No… I haven't spoken to him since this morning. What happened?"
Kurt could hear Mrs. Smythe sigh defeatedly in the other side of the line, he then heard her mutter something intelligible to someone else, probably Sebastian's dad.
"Kurt… We're at the hospital, Bastian left and we have no idea where he went... We can't find him!" Mrs. Smythe said hurriedly, and it was more than palpable just how distressed she was. "He's been gone for two hours now, and he is not answering his phone. We need to find him, Kurt… Could you please try to reach him? Maybe if you call him he will talk to you. Please Kurt."
"Okay… I'll try…" Kurt wanted to ask so many questions but he couldn't. Not when Mrs. Smythe sounded so distressed.
He hung up and immediately dialed Sebastian's number. It rang and rang until the call went to voicemail.
"Hey, you've reached Sebastian Smythe. I'm obviously unavailable, so call again later, or leave a message after the beep."
Kurt hung up and tried calling again, but the same thing happened. So he tried texting Sebastian instead.
To Sebastian Smythe:
Sebastian, where are you? Your mom called, she is very worried.
A minute passed and no reply came from Sebastian's end. Kurt was contemplating on trying again when his phone started ringing, but it wasn't Sebastian, it was Mrs. Smythe again.
"Kurt?"
"I'm sorry Mrs. Smythe, I called a few times but Sebastian is not picking up."
Mrs. Smythe said nothing, but Kurt could hear her sigh heavily on the other side of the line. Like she was barely holding herself together.
"Kurt, can you please keep trying? Or maybe try calling his other friends; ask them if any of them have heard from Sebastian, please?" Mrs. Smythe pleaded, and Kurt couldn't hold his curiosity any longer.
"Mrs. Smythe, what is going on?"
"Oh Kurt…" Was the only thing Mrs. Smythe said before she started crying. Kurt felt a painful knot forming in his throat, tears threatening to build in his eyes before he even knew what was going on. Sebastian's mom sounded inconsolable. Kurt felt bad for asking now, but he needed to know what was happening.
"Kurt, this is Joseph." Kurt heard Mr. Smythe taking over the call, "Sebastian took off in our car and we don't know where he went… He is not doing well, Kurt. He can't be out there, wandering the roads… He needs to be hospitalized. If you manage to get a hold of him, please tell him he needs to come back. "
"H-he took off?" Kurt couldn't make sense of what Mr. Smythe was telling him.
"Yes, we were at the hospital, but now he's gone and we need to find him as soon as possible. Kurt, please keep calling him, maybe he will pick up… And if you hear back from him please let us know."
"Okay… I will." Kurt promised, dread pooling up inside him as he hung up. He took out his phone and composed a new text message.
To Sebastian Smythe:
Sebastian where are you? Please call me back.
Kurt waited for a few minutes and then tried calling again, but Sebastian was refusing to take his calls. Kurt was rapidly growing worried and frustrated, he felt so helpless doing nothing but calling Sebastian. So he decided to help the Smythes actively on the search by driving down to Cleveland. While he was driving he called Trent to see if he knew anything about Sebastian.
"Hey, Kurt... How's Sebastian?"
"Um... I was actually calling you hoping you knew anything about him. I'm trying to reach him but he is not answering his phone."
"Oh, I haven't heard anything since we saw him this morning… You know, after Mr. Smythe pretty much kicked us out of the house."
"What? Why would he kick you out of the house?" Trent's words threw Kurt off completely. What was he talking about?
"Wait... You don't know?"
"No... Trent, what happened?"
"Sebastian fainted while we were in the middle of rehearsal... He just passed out! Thank god Jeff was able to catch him, otherwise he would have hit his head pretty hard, but..."
"Oh my god."
"… His dad was pretty upset and told us to go home. I don't know, I guess he was only worried about Sebastian working too hard. I don't know what happened after that. The only thing I know is that Sebastian's parents were taking him to the doctor or something, but I haven't heard from Sebastian again since that."
"I didn't know that…" Kurt mumbled, still in shock at the things he'd just learned.
"Kurt, what's going on? Did something happen to Sebastian?"
Trent sounded very upset, and Kurt felt his stomach drop to his feet. He had no idea about all these things that had happened. Now he understood why Sebastian had been taken to the hospital, but he still didn't know why Sebastian had decided to just run away.
"Look… Trent, I don't know much. All I know is Sebastian's mom called me and said Sebastian was with them at the hospital but now he is missing. He is not picking up his phone, so please if you could ask the rest of the Warblers if anyone knows where he is… Please let me know."
"Oh my goodness… Okay, I'm calling David and Nick and everyone right away. I'll call you if anyone knows anything."
"Thanks Trent."
After he hung up with Trent, Kurt was relentless, calling Sebastian over and over again. Kurt knew he shouldn't be using his phone while he was driving but he was very worried about Sebastian. At a red light, Kurt looked at his call log and realized he had already called Sebastian 18 times in the past 3 hours. Kurt had been alternating from feeling worried to being angry at Sebastian for doing this, but now he was quite frankly just scared for him.
Where had Sebastian gone, and why was he running away?
Kurt looked at his phone and realized that according to what Mrs. Smythe had told him, 5 hours had already passed since Sebastian had disappeared from the hospital and nobody knew where he was yet. Mrs. Smythe was distressed and Kurt felt at a loss of what to do. What was going on? Why was Sebastian doing this?
Kurt was finally in Cleveland and almost at the hospital when he got an incoming call from Sebastian's mother.
"Mrs. Smythe, any word from Sebastian?"
"Kurt, Bastian called us… But he is still refusing to come back to the hospital."
"Oh my god…" Kurt groaned, feeling more frustrated than ever with Sebastian. "Did he say where he was?"
"No… He just called to say he was fine, but he wouldn't tell us where he is!"
"Are you still at the hospital? 'Cause I'm almost there."
"No, we're not there anymore, Kurt. We're actually with Marcus on our way to Lake Erie."
"Lake Erie?"
"Yes... when Bastian called, I am almost certain that I heard horses in the background. We have horses in our property in Lake Erie, so we think that's where he might be."
"Oh…"
"We should be there in about an hour… In the meantime, if Sebastian calls you please let us know."
"Okay… I will."
Kurt hung up feeling a mixture of emotions. He wished he could feel even a little relieved that Sebastian was "fine". Though knowing Sebastian, Kurt was sure being "fine" could mean lots of different things. Kurt felt so angry at Sebastian for doing this. He wished he could understand what was going on through his head but he just couldn't.
One more futile call to Sebastian's cellphone. It was still turned off. Kurt just hoped that Sebastian really was at the Lake House, but he would have to wait until his parents got there to hear any news. Kurt was driving absentmindedly on his way to the hospital when he drove passed Splendid's Organic Deli. It took him a couple of seconds to connect the dots in his head, but when Kurt remembered he hit the brakes and turned around immediately.
Horses. There were horses in the background when Sebastian called. There were horses at that restaurant too. Could it be possible that Sebastian was there?
It was a long shot, but Kurt was so tired of feeling useless in this search that he drove back to the restaurant and hoped he was right. He parked outside just as the last rays of sunlight were still trying to hold on to the horizon. The sun was setting and it was starting to get a little cold, so Kurt braced himself, fixing the collar of his coat before walking inside.
Once inside, Kurt took a look around and realized that there were only a few families having dinner. He was kind of hoping the place would be busy enough that no one would notice him. A couple of waiters smiled politely at him, most likely feeling excited to get a new customer on a slow night and Kurt felt a little embarrassed because he wasn't going to sit down and order anything, he was only there because he was looking for Sebastian. Kurt walked through the restaurant, sending apologetic smiles towards the waiters as he went straight to the back door. The place looked completely different in the dark, compared to the last time he was there.
Kurt walked across the garden, which was barely lit by a few lights on wooden poles and made his way towards the playground and the field where the horses were. It was almost completely dark now, but not dark enough for Kurt to miss the figure of a person laying on the trampoline. It looked like Sebastian, but Kurt couldn't be sure until he got closer. Kurt walked slowly, trying to make as little noise as he could as he approached, but the sound of grass and rocks cracking under his shoes still gave him away.
Kurt felt a mixture of feelings taking over him as he saw it was in fact Sebastian who was laying over the trampoline, with his hands and legs spread out, looking at the sky. Sebastian wasn't moving though, and for a moment Kurt thought he could be asleep, even though his eyes were open.
"Sebastian?"
Kurt waited a couple of seconds but Sebastian didn't say anything. He just stayed right where he was, spread out in the middle of the trampoline, eyes fixed on the sky. After a whole silent minute it became obvious to Kurt that Sebastian really wasn't going to say anything.
"Seb?"
More silence. Was Sebastian just going to ignore him? Kurt was starting to get impatient, he leaned over the edge of the trampoline to take a better look at Sebastian.
"Sebas-"
"What are you doing here, Kurt?" Sebastian blurted out, interrupting him and making no effort to hide the annoyance in his voice.
"Um… I was about to ask you that same question."
Kurt waited for Sebastian to say something, anything, but the minutes passed and he never did. Kurt felt at a loss of what to do. Sebastian was clearly not doing okay. The night was getting cold, Kurt could feel that even through his coat, and Sebastian was only wearing a t-shirt.
"Are you just going to ignore me?" Kurt accused, and much to his surprise, Sebastian replied this time.
"Yeah."
Well Kurt was not going to just stand there and do nothing. If Sebastian was going to be an immature little brat about it.
"Okay, you know what, Sebastian… You need to stop this… Whatever it is you're doing here, because everyone has been looking for you. Your family, your friends... Your parents are worried sick!" And so was I. Kurt's mind supplied, though he didn't say it out loud.
Sebastian just rolled his eyes and sighed. "I told them I was fine."
"But you didn't tell them where you were! Did you know they're on their way to Lake Erie right now? Cause they think you're there…" Kurt hoped telling Sebastian that might make him react, but Sebastian remained the same. "Sebastian you need to call your mom."
Sebastian just blinked, eyes fixed on the sky and completely ignoring Kurt. Which only made Kurt feel even more frustrated. "Are you just gonna stay there?"
Sebastian said nothing.
"Fine… Then I'm calling her." Kurt said, taking out his phone. That finally got a reaction out of Sebastian, who quickly sat up and reached out to Kurt.
"Wait… Give me your phone and I'll talk to her."
Kurt raised an eyebrow, feeling a little uncertain, but then Sebastian said "Please…" and Kurt just gave in, handing him the phone.
He had already pulled up Mrs. Smythe's contact info, all Sebastian had to do was press the call button, but he didn't. Kurt could do nothing but gape in shock as Sebastian grabbed his phone and threw it away as hard as he could, sending it flying over the white fence and into the field where the horses were. In that moment, Kurt felt all the anger and frustration he'd been feeling from worrying about Sebastian all day just crashing down on him.
"Sebastian! What the hell did you just do?" Kurt exclaimed in complete disbelief, but Sebastian just walked over to the edge of the trampoline, got off and started walking away.
"Sebastian!" Kurt yelled, walking after him.
"Go away Kurt." Sebastian said coldly, walking a little faster, but Kurt sprinted and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to turn around.
"Oh no, you're not leaving!"
"Take your hands off me!" Sebastian hissed, removing his arm from Kurt's grasp with a movement that was rough enough to make Kurt stumble a couple of steps back. For a few seconds they both just stared at each other in shock, not quite able to believe what just happened. Kurt was almost certain he saw remorse in Sebastian's eyes for a split second before he composed himself again, setting his features into a harsh scowl.
"Kurt…"
"Sebastian, why are you being like this?"
"I just want to be alone… So could you please, leave-?"
"No." Kurt said firmly and Sebastian just squinted his eyes.
"God you're such a pain in the ass." He gave Kurt a dismissive look and walked away once more. Kurt felt powerless, angry and frustrated all at once as he went after him.
"Where are you going?"
"That's none of your business."
"Yes it is! It's late and you shouldn't be out… It's not good for you!"
That made Sebastian stop and turn around. "And what is good for me, exactly? Going to the hospital?"
"Well… yes! Your dad said you needed to be hospitalized… And I know that sucks Seb, but that's probably what's best for you right now."
"It's not… Kurt, trust me. It's just not."
"Is this about Nationals?"
"You think this is about Nationals?" Sebastian asked, and he looked more upset than angry now. "No Kurt, it's about my life, and being able to do what I want… And I don't want to spend one more day in the hospital. I don't care what anybody says!"
Kurt knew there was something going on inside Sebastian's head. Something that was making him lash out and push people away again just like he did when he was first diagnosed. Sebastian wasn't walking away anymore but Kurt could see how he was closing in on himself.
"What about your parents? Don't you care about them? You don't know how worried they are... Don't run away from them, Sebastian. All they want is for you to get better."
"That's the thing though, I'm not getting any better." Sebastian sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He then sat down in one of the wooden benches nearby, resting his elbows over his knees and looking down at his feet. "All those drugs and hospital visits are doing nothing for me… It's useless."
"Please don't say that."
"It's true though…" Sebastian said, finally looking into Kurt's eyes for the first time that night, and he looked so lost.
"You know why I'm not going to Nationals, Kurt? You want to know why they want to hospitalize me? It's cause it's in my bones now… You know, the cancer."
Sebastian's words felt like a bucket of ice water over Kurt's head. "W-what?"
"I need a bone marrow transplant."
Sebastian's voice was low, almost a whisper. He was looking down at his feet again, kicking small rocks that were beneath the bench. Kurt sat next to him in silence, a million different questions popping up in his head but he didn't know what to say. Kurt didn't know much about bone marrow transplants but he knew that if Sebastian needed one then it couldn't be good.
Sebastian remained quiet beside Kurt, but his breathing was getting heavier, and Kurt could tell he was trying to hold back tears. Kurt didn't know what to do, he wanted to say something but anything his mind could come up with sounded void and useless, so he decided to act instead. He took off his jacket and put it over Sebastian's shoulders. Kurt kept his arm around Sebastian tentatively, almost expecting Sebastian to push him away, but much to his surprise, Sebastian didn't. He leaned down, resting his head over Kurt's shoulder as he embraced him and they sat there, together in silence as the minutes passed.
Sebastian was sniffling and wiping away tears from his face, and Kurt felt a painful knot in his throat as he tried to keep his own tears at bay. Kurt didn't know exactly how long they were sitting there, but it was long enough for Sebastian's breathing to even out again.
"Shit. I said I wasn't gonna cry anymore. Sorry." Sebastian said apologetically, sitting up a little but not quite leaving Kurt's embrace. Kurt could tell he was embarrassed but he didn't mind. Sebastian seemed to be more calm than he had been a while ago and that was all that mattered.
"It's okay… You can cry." Kurt said, rubbing circles on Sebastian's back with his hand. "It's okay to be afraid. I know I would be."
"I'm not afraid…" Sebastian protested, trying to smile a bit as he wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks. "I mean, I was at the beginning... I was terrified, but not anymore. Now I'm just angry, I guess."
"Angry?"
"I just hate not being able to control anything anymore. I am sick of letting this illness run my life. I hate that I can't do the things I want to do… It makes me feel useless and that pisses me off."
Kurt just nodded understandingly as Sebastian kept on talking.
"I really wanted to go to Nationals, but now I can't because I'll be in the hospital for god knows how long... I wanted to graduate, but I can't even do my homework properly because I'm always tired. I wanted to go to college... but I won't 'cause I'll probably be dead-"
"Don't say that!" Kurt pleaded, turning to his side so he could see Sebastian's face. Sebastian was smiling sadly, and even in the dark Kurt could see in his eyes that Sebastian was giving up. "Listen to me… You are not going to die, okay? I won't let you." Kurt said with more certainty than he'd ever felt before. His hands were wrapped firmly over Sebastian's own as he repeated his words. "I won't let you."
"Is that a promise?" Sebastian whispered, smiling sadly as Kurt nodded in reply. Sebastian's eyes were shining with emotion and unshed tears. One of them broke loose as Sebastian blinked, streaming down the side of his cheek. Kurt wiped it away with his thumb as he cradled Sebastian's face. There were so many different emotions running through him and he could tell Sebastian felt them too.
Kurt stared at Sebastian's eyes for a split second before finally losing the battle with himself and just giving in, pressing his lips against Sebastian's in a soft kiss. It was just a brief moment, an affectionate press of closed lips, but it carried so much emotion and unspoken words behind it that when Kurt pulled away he felt a little breathless.
"Yes, it's a promise." He said, and the small smile on Sebastian's lips told Kurt that he believed him.