To say the weekend right after the Warblers won Nationals was chaotic would be an understatement.
Hunter and the guys had talked about Sebastian's plight with cancer on national television, and that had sparked something other than volunteers for bone marrow donations… Newspapers and television reporters had been calling and asking for interviews non stop, some of them even visiting the hospital to try to get a hold of Sebastian's parents. They came flooding in merely hours after the Warblers had been announced as winners at the National show choir competition. It was insane.
How the reporters figured out what hospital he was in was completely unknown to Sebastian and his parents, but somehow they had.
It was unreal. Sebastian never expected so many people to take interest in his story. There were at least five different network stations asking for interviews, pictures, video and everything they could get their hands on from Sebastian and his family. Sebastian was completely thrown off by the idea of appearing on TV, but as the days went by, the more the reporters insisted and Sebastian started realizing that maybe it could be a good thing. Because there had been a few people coming in for bone marrow donations, but not as many as they expected, and none of them had been a match. So as much as Sebastian hated the idea of making his illness a national spectacle, he hated the idea of dying even more. What if they couldn't find a donor match soon? The Warblers had helped, sure… But a National Show Choir competition didn't have nearly as much audience as news stations had. So in that sense, Sebastian and his family realized that getting as much attention as possible was something that could work in their favor.
Catherine had arrived on Saturday, and the four of them had been talking a lot. They discussed the situation and weighed their options. They evaluated which news stations to talk to, which ones to avoid and how much to tell them. In the end, they agreed to talk to only one cable station and to give interviews to a few Ohio newspapers.
So on Wednesday morning, Angela Morgan, a reporter from WKYC came to the hospital along with her camera crew to interview the Smythe family. Hunter, Jeff, Trent and a few other Warblers were also there, per the reporter's request. Kurt was there too, but for moral support only. He stood by the door, with an amused expression on his face as the camera crew took a few shots of Sebastian in his hospital room with the Warblers and the Nationals trophy, and did the small interview.
Sebastian's parents were the only ones answering questions for the reporter, mostly talking about Sebastian's fight with cancer and the bone marrow transplant details. Angela initially wanted Sebastian to take the main focus, but he wasn't feeling up for it. She respected Sebastian's wishes and focused on his parents and friends, for which Sebastian was grateful. He felt anxious enough as it was, but he only went through with it because he knew it could help them find a donor. Sebastian only answered one question in the whole interview and when it was finally over, Sebastian felt relieved.
"Stay tuned, we'll probably air it tomorrow night… or on Friday at the latest." Angela said, right before leaving. Sebastian smiled as she said her goodbyes to everyone in the room, but he wasn't even sure he wanted to watch the story when they aired it. The nurse came in a couple of seconds later, reminding everyone that the visiting hours were almost over. Hunter, Trent and the rest of the guys quickly said their goodbyes too and left, promising Sebastian to upload the photos they'd taken to Facebook and to come visit him again soon.
"You can relax now, it's over." Kurt said, putting a hand over Sebastian's shoulder reassuringly.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, you looked like you were holding your breath the entire time the camera was rolling." Kurt said smiling, but Sebastian only rolled his eyes.
"Great, so I'll probably look like I'm constipated on national television."
"Bastian… Don't say that!" Catherine quipped, sitting down on the bed beside him. "You did great. It's gonna be awesome, you'll see."
Catherine smiled fondly at Sebastian but he didn't miss the way she mouthed "you're not helping!" at Kurt. It made Sebastian smile to a point, because even though he knew Kurt was probably right, Catherine was still trying to cheer him up. Sebastian smiled and shook his head. Catherine was always an optimist. He on the other hand, seemed to become more of a pessimist with each day that passed. Maybe that was one of the side effects of being in the hospital for so long.
"Well, are you guys hungry? I'm going downstairs to get something to eat." Catherine announced, much to the relief of Sebastian's mother, who got up from the couch and quickly grabbed her purse.
"I'm starving… I'll go with you honey. Kurt, do you want us to bring you anything?"
"No, I'm fine thanks Mrs. Smythe."
"Kurt… I already told you to call me Vivienne." She said with a smile, and Kurt blushed.
"Okay… No thanks, Vivienne… I actually have to head back soon, so, I'll eat something on my way back to Lima."
"Oh, okay. How about you, baby?" She asked Sebastian, but he just pressed his lips into a tight smile and shook his head. Sebastian knew she was just asking him so he wouldn't feel left out, because he wasn't really supposed to eat anything that wasn't supervised by his doctor. But it didn't matter anyway, cause he wasn't hungry at all.
Once his mother and sister were gone out the door, Kurt dropped down on the chair beside Sebastian's bed. He looked tired, but Sebastian figured he was probably just bored.
"Are you heading back soon?"
"In a little while…" Kurt said, rubbing his hands over his face. "Some of Carole's family are coming from out of town. They're staying at our house for a couple of days."
"You don't sound too excited."
"Oh, I'm thrilled." Kurt admitted, with a sarcastic smile. "It's just, I don't think now is the time to be having house guests. Not this close to my dad's next appointment. You know?"
"Oh." Sebastian remembered then that Kurt's dad was due for his last batch of tests to determine if he needed the surgery or not.
"How long are they staying?"
"Two days… They're leaving on Friday afternoon." Kurt groaned, "I'm just a little nervous over that I guess, and having to tend to visitors at home won't help my stress at all."
"Well, if you want to escape, you can always go to my house." Sebastian said. "I'm not using my room, or my pool… And someone should."
Kurt smiled. "I think I'd rather wait to whenever you get out of the hospital so we can both relax a little."
"Deal." Sebastian said, smiling back as Kurt put his hand over his own.
…
On Saturday, Sebastian was sitting in his bed, looking at his phone. Catherine was sitting next to him, and they were supposed to be watching a movie, but Sebastian kept looking at his phone and getting distracted. He'd texted Kurt asking him how he was, and how things with his dad had turned out but he hadn't received any response yet. Sebastian knew Kurt was probably stressing out about his dad's test results, so he couldn't help but wonder about him.
"Are you okay? You look a little worried." Catherine asked.
"I'm fine… Just wondering about Kurt."
"Is he still downstairs?"
"I think so… I don't know. I texted him but-"
Sebastian stopped mid-sentence as they heard a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Catherine said, glancing at the door. Sebastian pulled himself up on his elbows as the door opened, revealing a very unexpected visitor.
"Hi."
Catherine stared at him, and then at Sebastian, maybe expecting her brother to introduce them, but Sebastian was so surprised that he blanked out for a few seconds until Catherine cleared her throat.
"Hey… Um, Cath this is Karof… Dave Karofsky."
"Nice to meet you." She said, standing up to greet Dave, shaking his hand firmly and giving him a quick once over. "I don't think I've seen you before… Do you go to Dalton too?" She asked promptly, causing Dave to blush a little bit.
"No I don't… I uh… We just know each other from… Uh..."
"From where?"
"Uh…"
Catherine must have sensed Dave's hesitation because she raised an eyebrow before turning to look at Sebastian again with a suspicious grin on her face.
"Somewhere else, Cath." Sebastian said, giving his sister a scolding look, hoping she wouldn't ask any further questions. It was just so like her to try to embarrass him.
"Okay then… I guess I'll leave you two to catch up, and I'll go get something to eat. Nice meeting you, Dave."
When Catherine finally left the room, Sebastian gave Dave an apologetic look, shaking his head and smiling awkwardly.
"I didn't know you have a sister." Dave said.
"How did you figure she's my sister?"
"She looks just like you." Dave said, like it was the most obvious thing ever, and Sebastian just smiled because he figured Dave was right. He couldn't deny Catherine was his sister even if he wanted to, they looked almost like twins. They both had their mother's eyes, albeit Catherine's were a darker shade of green. Catherine's hair was wavy, long and beautiful, and it was the same color as Sebastian's… When he used to have hair, at least. Sebastian pressed his lips into a tight smile, trying to push away those thoughts.
Dave was standing next to Sebastian's bed and although he didn't look quite nervous, it was more than obvious that he was feeling a little bit uneasy. To tell the truth, Sebastian was feeling a little uneasy as well. He never expected Dave to show up at the doorstep of his hospital room.
"You can sit down if you want." Sebastian said, and Dave nodded, sitting down on the chair where Catherine was sitting just a few seconds ago.
"I didn't bring anything…" Dave stated, almost apologetically, fidgeting a little on his seat as he talked. "I thought about bringing flowers of something but I didn't know if… You know, if-"
"If what?"
"If you were allowed to have flowers here…"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know… You could be allergic or something."
Sebastian couldn't help but laugh out loud at Dave's admission, because it had honestly never crossed his mind. Dave smiled nervously when he saw Sebastian laugh, and a little bit of the tension between them started to dissipate.
"So… How did you know I was here?"
"I saw you on TV last night."
"Oh… Yeah, that." Sebastian felt stupid for even asking. Of course Dave had seen him on TV. Everybody and their mothers probably knew Sebastian had cancer now.
"So… How have you been?"
Sebastian took a second before responding. "Well… Aside from having cancer, you mean?"
It was meant to be a joke, but Dave immediately tensed. Sebastian rolled his eyes and smiled. "I'm messing with you… I've been fine, I guess… There's good days and bad days."
Dave smiled back but said nothing for a while, he seemed thoughtful.
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing… It's just… This is so weird… Last time I saw you, I was the one in the hospital bed."
Sebastian smiled, remembering how nervous he had been when he visited Dave in the hospital all those months ago. He'd been terrified, and he wondered if Dave was feeling even as half as nervous as he had been that time. Probably not though, as Dave had no reason to feel guilty about Sebastian being in the hospital.
"We really need to start hanging out in a different place." Sebastian said, laughing.
"Yeah, we do." Dave admitted with a smile, but before Sebastian could say anything else, Kurt walked into the room. The surprise on his face was evident once he spotted Dave sitting next to Sebastian's bed.
"David?"
"Kurt… Hi."
Sebastian waved at Kurt from his spot in the bed and just watched in amusement as both Dave and Kurt went through the motions of a more than awkward greeting. Sebastian didn't quite know what the deal between them was, but he knew they were at least friends of sorts. Kurt looked surprised to see Dave, and even though he smiled, Sebastian could see something was not quite right. Kurt was smiling, but it wasn't like his usual happy and easy-going smiles. Dave on the other hand looked puzzled and a little flustered, especially when Kurt sat down on the bed, near Sebastian's feet. Dave didn't know Kurt and Sebastian were friends, in fact, last time Dave and Sebastian talked, Sebastian told him about how shitty he'd been to Kurt and Blaine. So Sebastian figured that was the reason why Dave looked so surprised.
"I didn't know you guys were friends." Dave said, smiling incredulously and staring at Sebastian, probably searching for some kind of reasoning behind Kurt's visit.
"We're not friends, he just keeps coming here… It's super annoying." Sebastian said playfully, earning himself a smack in the leg from Kurt.
"Shut up…" Kurt said, rolling his eyes at Sebastian and then turning to face Dave completely. "It's a long story, believe me David. It's so good to see you though... How have you been?"
"Good… I've been doing pretty good. I've been busy with school… and playing a little hockey too."
"Are you attending college here in Ohio?"
"No, actually… I'm in Old Dominion… it's in Virginia."
"Virginia?" Sebastian was shocked. "What the hell are you doing in Ohio then?"
"Well, I was just in town for some family thing. My cousin got married and well… You know how it is."
"Oh… That's nice. When are you going back?" Kurt asked.
"Tomorrow night, actually."
"Oh."
"I just saw Sebastian in the news last night and well… I didn't want to miss the chance to come visit before heading back." Dave's smile was genuine, but still looked a little apologetic as he turned to look at Sebastian. Sebastian didn't want the atmosphere in the room to turn somber, talking about him or his cancer, so he decided to change the subject.
"How's your dad, Kurt?"
"Uh… He's good… He's fine." Kurt said, forcing a smile. There it was again, Sebastian definitely knew there was something wrong now. Kurt was probably just trying to hide it though. Sebastian wanted to ask him what had happened, but he figured if Kurt was behaving like this, it was because he probably didn't want to talk about it in front of Dave, so he pretended to buy Kurt's "all is good" response for the time being.
"They're still downstairs, waiting for some test results. So I thought I'd come here and say hi while they waited." Kurt admitted.
"Tests? Is everything alright?" Dave asked, and Kurt smiled sadly.
"Well… My dad has prostate cancer."
Sebastian couldn't help but wince internally when Kurt said that in present tense. Has, not had.
"Oh wow, I didn't know. I'm so sorry Kurt."
"It's fine David… Or well, the doctor says he's going to be fine so…"
The three of them stayed quiet for a while after that, and things were getting somber again. Sebastian hated that. Luckily, Dave spoke again soon enough before anyone could attempt to change the subject or say anything else.
"Well, I should get going."
"So soon? You just got here, bear cub."
"Yeah… It's just that I have a family thing tonight and need to head back. I actually got here about an hour ago, but got a little lost. I also went to get tested for the bone marrow thing, so that took a while."
"Oh, that was very nice of you." Kurt said.
"Well… If I'm a match, let me know and I'll take the first flight back here!" Dave said as he stood up from his chair. "Good luck Sebastian, hang in there... It was good seeing you… Both of you." He said, turning to Kurt and giving him a small smile.
"It was nice seeing you too, David."
Dave walked away but stopped once he reached the door and turned around. "Hope we can hang out sometime… When you get out of here." He said, looking at Sebastian who just chuckled and nodded.
When Dave finally left, Kurt gave Sebastian a weird look.
"What?"
"Nothing… I just didn't know you guys hung out."
"We don't… That's the whole thing." Sebastian said, feeling strangely tired all of the sudden. He adjusted his pillow and rested his back a little lower on the bed. "The last time I saw Karofsky was when he was in the hospital so… Now he's the one visiting me in a hospital and it's just, you know… Depressing." Sebastian admitted, smiling. Kurt smiled too, but there was a hint of sadness behind his smile, and Sebastian needed to know the reason behind it.
"So… Are you going to tell me how it really went with your dad?" Sebastian prodded, but Kurt just stared at him blankly, so he asked again. "You lied earlier… When Dave asked how your dad was, didn't you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Kurt… I can tell something is wrong. So, spill."
Kurt sighed, getting up from where he was sitting and walking up to the window. Sebastian couldn't really see his face now and it only made him even more tense.
"My dad… He needs the surgery."
Sebastian sighed. He figured this would happen, but he had no idea what it meant really. He didn't know what to say either, so he figured the least he could do was ask about it and then listen to what Kurt had to say. He knew sometimes just having someone to talk to helped.
"Why? What did the doctor say?"
Kurt just shook his head, eyes still fixed outside. "I don't know… He just needs the surgery, to make sure they remove everything the radiation didn't quite fix I guess. I don't know."
When Kurt turned around, his distress was evident, and Sebastian wished there was something he could do or say, but his mind was suddenly blank. He couldn't even get out of bed to walk up to Kurt and at least hug him or something.
"Have they given you a date for the surgery yet?"
"Wednesday… Next wednesday."
"Oh… That's really soon."
"Yeah. They're running some tests... they're probably done by now so... I better go." Kurt spluttered, looking upset and walking away from the window in a hurry. He just offered Sebastian a quick apologetic smile before walking up to the door.
"Kurt, wait… Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry, I just… I'll call you later tonight, okay?" Kurt said, practically running out the door before Sebastian could even say anything. Sebastian was left feeling powerless and useless at the same time. He also felt guilty. He felt like he should have said something, should have offered Kurt supportive words of some kind. But what could he possibly say, given the position he was currently in? Cancer fucking sucked.
...
Kurt tried to ease down his breathing as he left Sebastian's room. He knew he shouldn't have left so abruptly, but he couldn't stand being there anymore. Not if he was expected to talk about his dad. Kurt needed to be strong and it was a hard thing to do when all he wanted to do was scream. He was feeling powerless and overwhelmed, and he didn't want to burden Sebastian with that, not when he had enough things to worry about himself. Kurt was supposed to be the strong one. Sebastian and his dad needed his support, not the other way around. Kurt was healthy, after all.
Kurt was hoping his dad wouldn't need the surgery, but he had been wrong. The doctor said the surgery would get rid of any residual tissue from the tumor and increase his chances of going into remission, but there were no guarantees when it came to cancer, and that made Kurt angry and afraid more than anything else. Why did this thing happen to good people? His dad didn't deserve to get cancer, and neither did Sebastian. Kurt was not a violent person, but for once he wished cancer was a person, just so he could punch it in the face.
He was so distracted as he that he bumped into Catherine when he was walking towards the elevator.
"I'm so sorry."
"Whoa Kurt…" Catherine laughed, but the smile fell off her face immediately when she realized something was wrong with Kurt. "Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost!"
Kurt tried to smile, but he just heaved a sigh and before he knew, Catherine was pulling him into a hug. Kurt breathed deeply and slowly, trying not to cry but losing the fight as he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.
"It's okay… It's okay…" Catherine whispered in his ear as they hugged. After a moment of just hugging in the middle of the hallway, Kurt let go and let Catherine take him to sit in one of the benches in the hallway. She offered Kurt a bottle of water she had in her hands, and Kurt took small sips out of it. He was putting all his energy into not crying, even if his chest was painfully tight.
"What happened?" She asked. Kurt looked into her eyes and felt at a loss of what to say.
"It's nothing…"
"Was Sebastian rude to you? Is that what happened?"
"What? No… Not at all... I'm sorry. I was just distracted."
"Did something happen with your dad? Is that it?" Catherine's question cracked through Kurt's strong facade and he couldn't help but sigh. In the few days he had of knowing Catherine, Kurt knew she was very perceptive, and also very strong willed. He knew he couldn't lie to her, and that she was asking out of genuine concern, not just selfish curiosity.
"Yeah but… I don't want to bother you with it… You have more than enough on your plate, worrying about Sebastian."
"I'm not worried about Sebastian."
"You're not?" Kurt asked incredulously.
"No… I'm not." She said, smiling genuinely. "I mean yeah it's scary sometimes, when I think about it too much. But I just know he's going to make it. We just need a donor match, which I'm sure will come up soon enough. There's lots of people coming in for tests, so it's just a matter of time… I'm not worried."
There was no hesitation in Catherine's voice as she spoke and Kurt sighed, wishing he could be as optimistic and determined as she was. Something about her just gave Kurt the confidence to open up to her. Kurt took a deep breath and explained his dad's situation to Catherine as best he could without breaking down. He told her about his dad's treatment and the upcoming surgery, and she listened attentively, stroking Kurt's back with her hand up and down. Kurt talked and ranted and let out all of his fears and frustrations. When he was done talking, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Feel better now?" Catherine asked as he took another sip of water. Kurt smiled gratefully and nodded.
He did feel better after talking to Catherine, and he was thankful for that. When he left her and returned to his dad downstairs, Kurt felt a little stronger. He realized how lucky Sebastian was to have a sister like Catherine. Kurt was certain that with her by his side, Sebastian would be alright.
...
When Kurt finally got home later that evening, he called Sebastian hoping to be able to apologize for leaving so abruptly earlier. However, Kurt was disappointed when instead of Sebastian, it was his mother who picked up. She told him Sebastian was sleeping, and so Kurt promised he would call again in the morning.
He called the next day but Sebastian's phone appeared to be turned off. It was something that happened a lot, since sometimes Sebastian played games or watched videos on it until the battery was dead, or just forgot about it, putting it in the drawer.
It wasn't until Monday morning when Kurt was finally able to speak to Sebastian. Kurt wanted to apologize but Sebastian didn't let him.
"Cath told me about what happened, you don't have to apologize Kurt, really. Though if you feel like making it up to me, you can bring me some cake." Sebastian had joked over the phone, which made Kurt smile more than he had in days. Sebastian's appetite wasn't very good lately, so the fact that he was asking for cake was a good sign. Kurt was also happy that Catherine had shared what he'd told her, because that way Sebastian could be aware of the situation without the added stress of having Kurt crying in front of him. No, Sebastian didn't need that.
When they hung up, Kurt couldn't help but notice how tired Sebastian sounded over the phone. His voice was raspy and sleepy, but when Kurt asked him how he was he said he was feeling alright. It was hard for Kurt to tell how Sebastian was really doing, especially since Kurt knew he had a bad habit of saying he was "fine" even if he really wasn't.
The two days before the surgery were more than a little crazy for Kurt. He and Carole had to make the necessary preparations. They would have to stay in Cleveland for a couple of days after the surgery, so they had to book a hotel and pack everything they needed. According to what the doctor said, Burt was supposed to be released two days after his surgery, but it all depended on how the surgery turned out. Sebastian's parents had offered them a room in their apartment, but Kurt politely declined, no matter how much Catherine insisted.
What proved to be most challenging however, was putting his dad on a liquid diet the day before the surgery. Burt was cranky about it all day long, but Kurt was strict and didn't let him cheat. "You can't risk this dad, don't be a baby." Kurt kept telling him, to which his dad would just huff and hastily finish his soup.
On Wednesday, the day of the surgery, Kurt was feeling a little jumpy, but he tried to imitate Catherine's positive mindset to keep himself calm and confident. This was the time when his dad and Carole needed him the most. Finn stayed home to care for the shop, promising to visit Burt on Thursday. When the doctors took Burt away to prepare him for surgery, Kurt was feeling strangely calm. His dad was smiling and joking as usual, and didn't even say "goodbye" but only a small wave and "I'll see you guys on the other side."
The other side, as it turned out, would come later rather than sooner, as time seemed to crawl by. The surgery was estimated to last about three hours, but it felt like ten. Carole and Kurt got breakfast in the hospital cafeteria, and drank coffee as they waited for a while. After that, they returned to the oncology ward. Sitting in the waiting room was one of the things Kurt hated the most. The chairs were uncomfortable and time seemed to completely stop as Kurt kept staring at the big clock hanging from the wall across from him and Carole, waiting for it's arrows to move. From minute to minute. Hour to hour.
"Are you going upstairs to see Sebastian?" Carole asked, looking up from her book at Kurt who was sitting right beside her.
"Maybe later…" Kurt replied with half a smile. As much as he dreaded the waiting room, he didn't want to go anywhere. There was a fear in the back of his head that something could go wrong and he wouldn't be there to hear about it first. Carole seemed to be calm, and that helped Kurt feel better.
When the doctor finally came outside, Kurt held his breath and stood up from the chair, holding Carole's hand tightly.
"The surgery was a success!" Doctor Lewis told them with a confident smile. "He's in recovery now, waking up from the anesthesia. He'll be taken to his room in about thirty minutes. A nurse will come and get you to take you to him."
Kurt and Carole thanked the doctor and then hugged. In that moment, Kurt allowed himself to cry a few happy tears. He felt so relieved. The surgery was a success… He is recovering… The doctor's words kept being replayed over and over inside Kurt's head. His dad was going to be fine, and that was all that mattered. Kurt was so happy he wanted to dance. Then he had a thought.
"I'm going up to tell Sebastian the good news! Do you want to come with me?"
"No, it's fine honey… I will stay here, go ahead."
"I promise I'll be right back!" Kurt said with a giddy smile before turning around and making a run down the hall and for the elevators. He was so happy that he couldn't wait to give Sebastian the good news. He stepped out of the elevators and quickly made his way to Sebastian's room, not being able to stop the small skip in his steps as he walked. He was beaming, as he opened the door to Sebastian's room, but Kurt's smile fell right off his face once he stepped in.
Sebastian was sitting up, hunched over the side of the bed. Catherine was kneeling down beside it, wiping the floor with a few paper towels as Mrs. Smythe held a very familiar metal container up for Sebastian, who was breathing harshly but wasn't heaving anymore… They were all so focused on helping Sebastian that they didn't even notice Kurt for a few moments. It wasn't until Catherine got up to throw the towels on the trash can that she spotted Kurt, standing frozen by the door.
"Kurt, hi." She said, smiling a little apologetically. Behind her, Sebastian's mom was helping him lay back down on the bed. Sebastian's eyes were rimmed red and glassy, but he still waved at Kurt as he took a little sip of water. Kurt slowly walked into the room and stepped next to Sebastian, that's when he noticed the dreadful machine on the other side of the bed, holding the all too familiar plastic bag full of bright red liquid and a yellow tag.
"I didn't know you were getting chemo today." Kurt said, reaching out to hold Sebastian's hand.
"Yeah, neither did I… How's your dad?" Sebastian asked him with a tired and loopy smile, squeezing Kurt's hand and bringing it up to his chest. Kurt could feel Sebastian's heart slamming against his chest, and he suddenly felt the urge to lean down and kiss him, but he knew the moment wasn't right, especially considering Sebastian's mother and sister were in the same room.
"He's fine… The surgery was a success." Kurt said, beaming again. He really was so happy to be able to say that.
"Oh Kurt, that's wonderful!" Mrs. Smythe said, smiling widely. Catherine came up to Kurt and hugged him tightly.
"See? I told you he was going to be okay!"
"Yeah, thanks," Kurt said, smiling widely.
"Is he out then? Shouldn't you be with him?" Sebastian asked.
"He's recovering from the anesthesia right now. We're just waiting for the nurses to take him to his room so we can see him. How are you feeling?"
"Well… I just puked out half my breakfast." Sebastian replied, smiling. Kurt smiled back, even though he didn't think Sebastian vomiting was a joking matter. He smiled because at least Sebastian was in good spirits, and that was all that mattered.
Kurt stayed in the room with them for a few minutes, talking with them a little bit about what he would be doing the next couple of days. Kurt hoped his dad would be released from the hospital in two days, but he couldn't know for sure. Catherine and Mrs. Smythe asked Kurt to let them know what room his dad would be in so they could visit him.
When Carole texted him, telling him that his dad was ready in his room, Kurt quickly said goodbye to the Smythes and ran towards the elevators, promising to come by again to visit Sebastian later. After all, he was going to be spending a lot of time in the hospital for the next few days.
...
Burt was a little groggy and sore after the surgery, but that was to be expected. Once they were all in the room together, and Burt was clear headed and aware, the doctor talked them through the basics of what the recovery process would entail. It was fairly simple, except for the catheter. Kurt couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to have a small tube inside your penis, and he hoped he would never find out. Especially as the doctor explained that even though the catheter was a temporary thing, Burt would have to keep it for at least two weeks.
"Two weeks? Hell, I was hoping you'd get the thing out today or at least when I was allowed to leave this place!" Burt said, looking absolutely baffled.
"You're feeling a little sore right now because of the incision wound and the catheter, but I assure you the discomfort will diminish in the next few days. If you're in any pain just let us know and we'll adjust your medication. You need to rest now, and not get up from the bed without help." The doctor said, turning to look at Carole and Kurt, as if he knew that Burt would probably try to get up on his own.
"You have to be careful, and if everything goes smoothly, you'll be able to go home on Friday," The doctor said before leaving. Kurt and Carole thanked him and said they were determined to take care of Burt as best as they could and follow his instructions thoroughly.
Those two days passed slower than Kurt ever imagined. His dad was having a lot of discomfort from the surgery, and even though the doctor said it was normal, it didn't mean that Kurt had to be okay with it. He wasn't used to seeing his dad like this, it gave Kurt bad memories from when his dad had his heart attack two years ago.
Mrs. Smythe and Catherine came down to visit Burt often, and it was nice to be able to introduce all of them. Carole was super sweet, as usual, and both her and Vivienne hit things off splendidly. That gave Kurt a lot of opportunities to sneak out of his dad's room and hang out with Catherine. They would go out and take walks around the hospital's gardens, talking about anything and everything. Kurt wanted to spend time with Sebastian, but he couldn't. Not when Sebastian was sleeping half the time, and the other half he was just cranky, feeling sick, or just insisting that Kurt and Catherine went out and breathe the fresh air that he couldn't.
"So, when are you heading back to New York?"
"On Monday, actually." Catherine said, biting her lip as she played with the petal of one of the yellow roses in the garden.
"So soon… I feel like you just got here."
"Yeah I know, but I have to get back to classes and ugh… College life, you know?"
Kurt just nodded. He really enjoyed spending time with Catherine, and he knew Sebastian loved her, and he was probably going to miss her a lot when she was gone.
"I'd love to stay longer, but I don't want to get in trouble with my teachers. Two weeks is all I can get away with. I'll probably come again in a couple of months though, for Sebastian's graduation." She said confidently and smiling, like it was a given fact that Sebastian was graduating. That made Kurt smile, though deep down he was seriously starting to question if Sebastian was really going to be able to graduate with everything that was going on. He didn't dare to say it out loud though.
"You think Sebastian is awake now? My dad is getting released soon and I don't think I'll be able to come visit in a while."
"I don't know… But let's go. If he's asleep maybe you can wake him up with a true love's kiss!" Catherine teased, lacing her arm around Kurt's and walking back towards the hospital door. Kurt felt heat rise to his face but he just shook his head and laughed with Catherine as they walked. His mind was suddenly reeling though… Sebastian and him weren't together together… They'd kissed twice, but they hadn't really talked about it, and this was the first time Catherine made a comment like that to him. Kurt couldn't help but wonder if it was because Sebastian had mentioned something to her. Had they talked about him? What did Sebastian tell his sister about him?
The curiosity was going to kill him. But Kurt didn't want to ask, because he was afraid what he would say if Catherine asked him anything directly. Kurt just couldn't put a name on what he felt towards Sebastian… He just knew that he cared about him more than he thought he ever would.
When they finally got to Sebastian's room, they found him resting on his side with his back to the door. When they walked up to the bed they realized he was sleeping. Kurt sighed, feeling slightly disappointed, as he was hoping to be able to say goodbye properly before going back to Lima. Kurt didn't know when he would be able to come back to visit Sebastian. It could be a week, or maybe even more.
"Here's your chance…" Catherine whispered, elbowing him gently on the ribs.
"Chance for what?"
"To kiss him… duh!"
"I'm not going to kiss him!"
"Why not? It's not like you haven't done it before..." Catherine said bluntly, and Kurt almost choked on his own breath.
"H-he told you?!"
"Nope… But now you did!" Catherine's smile was wicked as she clasped her hands together giddily. Her outburst must have woken Sebastian up because he stirred and turned to rest on his back, opening his eyes and frowning.
"What are you guys going on about?"
"Kurt here was just about to k-"
"Nothing!" Kurt cut her off, putting his hand over Catherine's mouth. Sebastian smiled, frowning and looking at them like they were crazy as they glared at each other. Catherine's face was pure mischief and Kurt felt like his face was on fire. Though if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he wouldn't actually mind giving Sebastian a little kiss before going back to Lima. He just didn't think the time was right.
"You guys are crazy." Sebastian said, smiling. "Ugh, what time is it?"
"It's two thirty. I just came to say goodbye… My dad is being released so we're going back to Lima."
"Oh…"
The small pout on Sebastian's lips when he said that had Kurt wishing he could just lean down and kiss it away… Sebastian looked so cute… But he also looked very tired. He'd been having a hard time with all the chemo treatment and the ton of pills he had to take each day. Kurt had mixed feelings, he even felt bad for thinking about kissing him in a time like this. He felt torn, and Catherine's ridiculously wide smile was not helping at all.
"I'm just gonna go…" Catherine said suddenly, walking towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Sebastian asked.
"To the bathroom…" She said, giving Kurt a knowing look. "I'll be right back."
Once Catherine left the room, Kurt felt like he could breathe again.
"What was that all about?"
"Nothing… Your sister is just… She's a force to be reckoned with." Kurt said, though he couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Yeah, she is."
"How are you feeling?"
"Meh…"
"That good huh?"
"Could be worse I guess."
"Well… I hope you feel better soon."
"Me too." Sebastian said with a hopeful smile, and Kurt just couldn't help himself anymore. He wasn't going to kiss him, but he couldn't stand the distance between them anymore, it felt awkward and wrong. So Kurt took a step closer and sat on the bed next to Sebastian, holding his hand and giving it a little squeeze. Sebastian stared at their hands and smiled.
"How's your dad?"
"He's hanging in there…" Kurt said, sighing. "I think he'll be fine but, I have to look after him. He's having a hard time with the catheter so, I don't know how long it's gonna be before I can come to visit you again."
"Don't worry about it… Who knows, maybe I'll go visit you." Sebastian joked, smiling widely even though he looked like he could barely keep his eyes open.
"I'd like that very much." Kurt admitted, smiling back even though he could feel his heart clenching inside. He wanted nothing more than to see Sebastian out of the hospital and back to his old self, but he knew Sebastian wouldn't be able to leave the hospital until he got the bone marrow transplant.
They remained silent for a little while when suddenly Kurt's phone buzzed... Carole was calling him. It was time for him to go, but he wanted to say a proper goodbye to Sebastian, so he silenced the call.
"Who was that?"
"It's Carole… I think my dad's ready."
"So you have to go." Sebastian wasn't asking, and Kurt knew he was right. It was time for him to leave.
"I wish I could stay a little longer."
"Go… Don't worry about it." Sebastian said, but how could Kurt not worry? In fact he worried a lot... But he wasn't going to let it show. Instead, he pulled Sebastian's hand up and pressed his lips against his knuckles, giving them a small kiss.
"Stay strong, okay?"
Sebastian smiled and nodded, right before Kurt's phone started ringing again. This time, Kurt couldn't ignore the call… It was time to go and he knew it. Kurt left Sebastian with the promise of calling to check up on him, and threatening to never bring him cake again if he let his phone's battery die again.
When Kurt left Sebastian's room, he found Catherine sitting in a bench in the hallway, looking at her phone.
"Hey… Weren't you supposed to be in the bathroom?"
"You're so clueless, Kurt… I left just so I wouldn't be a third wheel. " Catherine squinted her eyes at Kurt. "Did you at least kiss him?"
"No… I didn't." Kurt said, feeling a little disappointed himself. Catherine looked disappointed too, so Kurt quickly explained himself. "Look… As much as I would have liked to kiss your brother. I just don't think he would be up for it… Not right now. You know? Sebastian's not feeling well and I don't want to make him uncomfortable."
Catherine looked at Kurt and nodded understandingly. "I know, you're probably right. I just thought it might cheer him up, you know? He's been feeling a bit down lately… And not just because of the meds."
Kurt sighed, thinking about Catherine's words. He regretted not kissing Sebastian now, even though he still felt like it would have been a little out of place. He hated feeling like this.
"I promised I'd call him every day… To check up on him. I don't know when I'll be able to come visit again."
"Yeah, we should probably say goodbye. I won't be here next time you come." Catherine said with a wry smile. Kurt hugged her tightly, feeling nostalgic even more so. He really liked Catherine and wished they'd had more time to get to know each other. When Kurt finally left with his family back to Lima, he couldn't help but feel like he was leaving a part of himself behind, and he didn't like that one bit. Kurt knew his dad would still have to go through a process of recovery, but at least the scariest part was over. His dad was going to be fine, he truly believed it now. Kurt just hoped Sebastian would be okay too.
…
Taking care of a recovering Burt proved to be harder than Kurt ever thought it would be. It was a hassle to get him to sit comfortably in one position, and because of the discomfort, he was constantly in a bad mood. Carole and Kurt spent the first two days just getting used to that, because Burt wasn't usually a whiny person.
Kurt was glad that at least he wasn't complaining about his food anymore. Carole had to work so Kurt was happy to be able to help in her absence, but every day he ended up feeling exhausted. He and Sebastian texted occasionally, but Sebastian took a long time to answer, so Kurt preferred calling him late at night instead of sending him texts throughout the day.
On Monday night, Kurt dialed Sebastian's number and was surprised when instead of Sebastian, Catherine took the call.
"Hi Kurt." Just the sound of her voice told Kurt there was something wrong.
"Catherine? I thought you'd be in New York by now."
"No… I cancelled my flight last night."
"What happened? Is Sebastian alright?"
Kurt heard Catherine heave a sigh on the other end of the line and held his breath dreadfully.
"Catherine?"
Kurt heard shuffling and was waiting patiently until Catherine spoke again. "Sorry, I was just getting out of the room… Bastian is asleep and I don't want to wake him."
"How is he?"
"He's not doing so good, Kurt."
Kurt listened attentively as Catherine told him about what happened. Apparently Sebastian's condition had deteriorated overnight. He wasn't responding well to the treatment and on Monday morning the doctors had to put him on a feeding tube again. He was very weak and the doctors hadn't found a donor match yet, which was only making things worse.
It had been three weeks now since Sebastian had been hospitalized, and every day that passed put Sebastian in more and more danger. Just listening to Catherine speak so warily was enough to get Kurt to go from worry to panic. They needed to find a match and soon.
So the next couple of days, Kurt used every bit of free time he could get from taking care of his dad and used it to call everyone he knew and ask them to join the National Bone Marrow Registry. Kurt emailed, called, and texted every single one of his former glee club friends and made them promise him they would go to their nearest hospital and say they were getting tested for Sebastian. It didn't matter if they were in different states, as long as they got tested. He also encouraged them to tell all their friends, and hoped with all his heart that they were being honest when they said they would go.
Kurt also called Trent and told him about Sebastian's situation so he could arrange a meeting and they could talk about what to do next. A few days later Kurt went to the Lima Bean, expecting to meet Trent, but surprised when he realized Nick, Jeff, Thad, Hunter and David were also there to meet him. Their previously bald heads were now fuzzy as hair was starting to grow back, and Kurt couldn't help but think about how Sebastian's head would look when he finally was healthy and his hair could grow again. Maybe if he pictured it hard enough, it would happen sooner. At this point, Kurt was feeling desperate and he could see that all of Sebastian's friends were deeply worried about him as well. The Warblers thought what they did at Nationals would be enough, but finding a donor was proving to be harder than anything else they'd ever faced.
After much talking, the Warblers were so worried that they agreed to talk to Dalton's headmaster to send out emails and letters, pleading all parents and families and alumni to go get tested. Kurt would talk to Finn so they could meet with Figgins and do the same thing at McKinley. They needed to have everyone join the registry, until they found a match for Sebastian.
Kurt never thought finding a bone marrow donor could be so hard. But as the days passed, and a match wasn't found, no matter how many people Kurt begged to get tested. Kurt was trying so hard but nothing came up, and he was starting to lose hope.
It wasn't until two and a half weeks later that Kurt was finally able to visit Sebastian. When his dad had to go back to the hospital to get his catheter removed and see his oncologist. The procedure was painless and easy, and Kurt asked Carole and his dad to go with him to visit Sebastian up in his room once they were done. When they arrived, they found Mr. Smythe sitting on a sofa beside Sebastian's bed. When did they even get a sofa? Kurt didn't remember it being there before. Sebastian was sleeping, and when Kurt took his hand, he noticed it was a little cold.
They stayed for about half an hour, talking to Sebastian's dad and listening to him as he told them about Sebastian's condition. Apparently, he was stable now that he had the feeding tube to help him get nutrients, but he was otherwise not improving much. They needed the bone marrow donor desperately and were starting to get seriously worried about not getting one on time. All the while they were talking, Kurt kept looking at Sebastian as he slept. Their voices hadn't managed to wake him up, even though they weren't really whispering.
Mrs. Smythe and Catherine arrived just as Kurt, Carole and Burt were about to leave. So they ended up staying for a little longer, even though they had to talk in the hallway, as the doctors didn't allow so many people to be in the room at once. It was almost one hour later when they finally left, Kurt leaned down and kissed Sebastian on the cheek, feeling a painful jab in his chest when he realized Sebastian didn't even move.
…
After that day, Kurt made a promise to go visit Sebastian as much as he could. He finally took the Smythe's on their offer to stay over in their apartment, that way he wouldn't have to worry about the long drive back and he would able to spend more time with Sebastian.
The Smythes had been taking turns staying with Sebastian at the hospital, hence why they got a sofa-bed in his room now. Sebastian's mom spent the most nights there though, and she looked like she barely slept, or maybe it was just the worry in her features that made her look so tired lately. Out of all of them, she seemed to be having the hardest time.
Kurt packed a small suitcase and planned to stay three days in Cleveland with Sebastian. The first night he was there, Kurt offered to stay in the hospital so Mrs. Smythe could sleep in her own bed and get a proper night's rest. She didn't really want to leave, but in the end Catherine convinced her to go back to the apartment with her. The apartment was close to the hospital, so if anything happened they could come quickly, but Mrs. Smythe still was reluctant to leave her son's side.
Sebastian slept for the most part of the evening, but the few moments when he was awake, they were able to talk a little, and Kurt cherished those times more than anything.
"Alex was here earlier." Sebastian said, yawning as he stretched his arm over his head.
"Oh really? I haven't spoken to him in a while."
"Hmmm… He and some other dude."
"Some other dude?"
"Yeah, they brought that thing in the corner." Sebastian pointed to a big balloon arrangement that was sitting in the table. It had blue and yellow balloons that read "Get well soon" and "God bless you".
"That's nice."
"It's cheesy." Sebastian said, scowling at the thing.
Kurt just shook his head, smiling. "So, what did Alex say? What has he been up to?"
"I don't know." Sebastian confessed, "I was sleeping when they got here, then they started praying and stuff... I woke up in the middle of their prayer, and so I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep until they left."
"Oh my god Sebastian. Did you really do that?"
"Yeah. It was awkward as hell. I just wanted them to leave."
Kurt couldn't help but snort at that. Of course Alex would pray for Sebastian. "He was probably just trying to help you know?"
"I know, but it felt weird. Plus, I was listening to them pray and then actually started falling asleep." Sebastian admitted. "Then I woke up because I was having a weird dream."
"What were you dreaming about?"
"I don't know… Something about birds, I think? It was kind of trippy."
"Birds? Did you have your own Pavarotti? Is that why?"
"My what?"
"A bird… you know, and actual Warbler bird? I remember they gave me one to take care of him when I first transferred to Dalton. His name was Pavarotti."
"Oh that… No, I never got one, thank god."
"I thought it was tradition?"
"It is… But I lied and told them I was allergic to birds, so…"
Kurt laughed out loud at that. Only Sebastian would lie about having allergies just to avoid taking care of the bird.
"I wish I would have thought of that." Kurt confessed. "Pavarotti died while I was taking care of him… It was awful."
"You killed your Warbler bird Kurt, really?"
"I did not! He just died… I swear!"
They both laughed at that and Kurt felt happy and hopeful as he saw Sebastian smile and tease him, even if just a bit. For a moment Kurt was able to pretend they were somewhere else, and not in the hospital while Sebastian struggled for his life against this terrible illness.
It was harder for Kurt to pretend when Sebastian was feeling sick, or not even conscious at all. Out of the three days Kurt spent in Cleveland, he was just able to really spend quality time with Sebastian that first night… The next day Sebastian was feeling too sick and the doctor didn't allow more than two people in the room with him at the same time. Kurt felt powerless as he was forced to stand outside Sebastian's window and look inside at him.
For the most part, he spent his time talking to Catherine about Sebastian. Her optimistic attitude had shifted a little in the last couple of weeks.
"I'm worried about Sebastian Kurt… I'm terrified… and I hate it." She admitted as she walked with Kurt towards the parking lot on the day he left. Kurt didn't know what to say… Catherine had been the epitome of strength and positivity all this time, so seeing her slowly breaking down was really difficult to cope with. Kurt felt like Sebastian was slipping away and Catherine was right, it was terrifying.
Kurt wished he didn't have to go back to Lima. Sebastian's parents kept insisting that Kurt could stay as long as he wanted, but it wasn't that simple. He had things to do back at home, and even though his dad was fully recovered now that didn't mean Kurt could just disappear for a whole week.
Every day he was away from Sebastian though, Kurt worried even more. He constantly texted Catherine and asked about him, but it wasn't the same as actually visiting and spending time with him. Time flew by and it waited for no one. Before Kurt knew it, Sebastian had been hospitalized for two months and they still hadn't found a donor.
Every time Kurt visited Sebastian he looked different. Some days he seemed better than others. The doctors kept putting the feeding tube in him and then taking it out a few days later. Witnessing it was like riding a roller coaster, and Kurt just wanted nothing more than just to make it stop. He wanted things to get better... A donor to finally appear so Sebastian could get the treatment he desperately needed.
One day Kurt was sitting next to Sebastian, watching him sleep. Lately it seemed like that was all he ever did... Kurt felt useless and it was frustrating. Catherine had gone out with her mom to get something to eat. Mrs. Smythe barely left Sebastian's room, so whenever Kurt visited, Catherine took the opportunity to get her out and help her get her mind off things. Kurt was happy to help Sebastian's family in any way he could.
He was sitting beside Sebastian, holding his hand and rubbing circles with his thumb over his knuckles when Sebastian opened his eyes.
"Hey Kurt."
"Hi… How are you feeling?"
"I'm sleepy."
"Sleep then."
"I don't want to sleep…" Sebastian protested, closing his eyes and frowning. "I feel like… Like all I do is sleep."
"It's okay if you want to sleep, Sebastian. I'll be right h-"
"No…" Sebastian interrupted him. Kurt remained silent as he saw Sebastian struggle with sleep. "I feel like… Maybe one of these days I'm not going to wake up."
"Don't say that."
"I'm just so tired..."
"You're allowed to be tired, you're fighting something really tough. But you're going to beat it… I know you are. You just have to stay strong, Sebastian."
"Yeah but for how long?"
Kurt didn't have an answer for that, and he really wished he did.
…
The next week, Kurt visited again. He was alone in the room sitting beside Sebastian when suddenly, Alex walked in. He seemed surprised to see Kurt, but waved silently as he approached the bed. Sebastian was sleeping, and Kurt was reading a book.
Alex sat down beside Kurt and smiled sheepishly. For a moment they just stayed there, looking at Sebastian in silence.
"How is he?" Alex whispered, but Kurt just shrugged, because he didn't know what to say. He didn't mind sitting beside Sebastian and just keeping him company, he liked that. But he didn't really like talking about the situation, because every time he did, Kurt felt like he was going to burst into tears. And he couldn't do that in there, not when Sebastian could wake up any second and see him. He needed to be strong for him, even if he felt helpless inside.
"Do you mind if I pray?" Alex's question caught Kurt completely off guard.
"Um… No, I don't mind but-"
"Seb hates it, I know." Alex said, smiling. "But I feel like it's the only thing I can do, you know? I feel useless."
Kurt smiled, because he knew how Alex felt. That feeling of being completely powerless against this situation was overwhelming and awful. So if Alex wanted to pray, Kurt wasn't going to stop him. Even if he thought it was pointless.
"I know… I feel useless too." Kurt confessed, heaving a sigh. "I wish there was something I could do, but I can't."
"You're not useless." Sebastian whispered startling both his cousin and Kurt at the same time. They hadn't realized he was awake and now were just staring at each other like deer caught in the headlights.
"Seb, you're awake."
"Yeah, and you didn't even have to pray!" He teased, and Alex rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless.
"Sorry, I know you don't like it."
"It's fine… You can pray if you want Alexander. I just don't think God likes me very much. I've been kind of an asshole." Sebastian said, but his eyes were fixed on Kurt's. Kurt just frowned, feeling confused until Sebastian spoke again.
"I never really apologized to you Kurt…" Sebastian started, struggling to say the words.
"What are you even talking ab-"
"I was really bad to you… I made fun of you… Called you horrible things."
"Sebastian… That was ages ago, you don't have to-"
"No, I do." Sebastian said frowning. He stretched his arm out for Kurt to take his hand, and Kurt reached out to grab it over the bed. Sebastian's eyes were glassy, and vibrant with sheer emotion and Kurt felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt."
Kurt was confused, he didn't know why Sebastian was bringing those things up right now but it all sounded too much like a goodbye and Kurt didn't want to hear it. There were tears in Sebastian's eyes now and the sight just made Kurt's chest so tight that he felt like it was going to explode. Acting on instinct, he just leaned down and kissed Sebastian softly on the lips, cradling his face with his free hand and pressing their foreheads together.
"Shhh… Don't say anything… It's okay." Kurt said, looking at Sebastian in the eyes and smiling through his tears. Sebastian looked like he wanted to protest and say more, so Kurt kissed him again… Just a small, peck on the lips to shut him up. "I'll tell you what… You can make it up to me later, okay? When you get out of here you can take me out and buy me something… You still owe me a shopping trip, remember?"
"Okay… Deal." Sebastian said, smiling and squeezing Kurt's hand tightly before closing his eyes again. Beside them, Alex was just sitting in silence and holding back tears of his own as he witnessed the exchange between the two of them. They held hands until Sebastian's grip on Kurt's hand loosened and he fell back asleep. Kurt slowly removed his hand, sat back and wiped the tears from his face. He ran his hands over his jeans, and when he brought his hands up again, he noticed they were shaking.
Sebastian had his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping again. Alex kept looking at Kurt as if he was expecting him to explain what had just happened. But Kurt couldn't do it… So instead he just got up and left the room without saying a word. He desperately needed to get some air.
…
Another week went by, and Sebastian was still in the hospital. Kurt thought about him day and night, hoping that one day he would hear good news about him, instead of constantly worrying, wondering why the doctors still hadn't found a donor match. Burt was fully recovered now and was out and about, going to work and living his life. Every time Kurt looked at his dad he couldn't believe he was ever worried about him. He had beaten cancer and was now completely back to normal.
Kurt was happy for his dad, but he couldn't be fully happy… not while Sebastian was still hospitalized. Time was ticking, and Kurt knew that soon he would have to return to New York. He was dreading what would happen if he left and Sebastian… He didn't even want to think about it. Catherine had completely forgotten about her college education in lieu of staying in Ohio and taking care of her brother.
"I can't leave until I know Sebastian will be okay." She'd told Kurt, and he couldn't blame her. Kurt was feeling apprehensive about leaving for New York while Sebastian was still hospitalized, and they weren't family… they were just… whatever they were.
Kurt drove down to Cleveland again, with his now usual bag of three day's worth of clothing and supplies to stay with the Smythe's and spend time with Sebastian. When he arrived at the hospital, Mr. Smythe was in the room alone with Sebastian. He had spent the night at the hospital and Catherine and Mrs. Smythe were still back at the apartment.
"How is he?"
"He hasn't woken up in two days." Mr. Smythe admitted, looking longingly at his son, lying in bed. Kurt couldn't help but feel his heart breaking for him… For both of them. Sebastian was not looking good, and his family wasn't either. They were trying to remain strong, but Kurt could tell that their hope wavered with each day that passed.
"You can go home if you want, Mr. Smythe… If you want to take a shower and eat some breakfast. I'll stay here with him." Kurt offered, and Mr. Smythe thanked him. He left, promising to be back soon with his wife and daughter.
Kurt sat beside Sebastian and just looked at him, thinking about what Mr. Smythe had said…. Sebastian's words from a few weeks back came back to his mind.
"Maybe one of these days I'm not going to wake up."
Kurt pushed back that memory, wishing he could get rid of it completely. Sebastian was going to wake up, he was not dead, he was just sleeping… He was just tired, not dying. No.
"Sebastian?" Kurt tried, leaning over as he stood beside the bed, but Sebastian didn't move. Kurt breathed in and took a look around the empty room.
"I have good news…" Kurt told Sebastian, even if he knew he wasn't listening. Maybe if he spoke to him, he would wake up. "My dad is in remission, Sebastian. It's amazing, isn't it? You told me he would beat his cancer, and he did!"
Sebastian remained the same, not moving, not even stirring in his sleep. He was just lying there, looking more pale than Kurt had ever seen him. It was difficult for Kurt to be there with him and feel so alone.
"Seb?"
Nothing. The silence was deafening and overwhelming. All he could hear was his own breathing as he sat there, completely unable to help the boy he cared about so much. Sebastian's dad had closed the door when he left, so there wasn't even any noise coming from the hallway.
Kurt pulled the chair beside Sebastian's chair and sat down beside him, leaning over the bed and resting his head on Sebastian's pillow. For a few minutes he just stayed there, in silence and absentmindedly stroking Sebastian's arm. He wondered if Sebastian was having any dreams at all. If they were trippy bird dreams or something more beautiful. All he knew, was that he wanted Sebastian to have the best dreams he could. So Kurt started to hum a low melody before singing to the sleeping boy beside him.
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
in all I've done
And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do
I know we'll make it anyway, away from here
Light up, light up… As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder… and we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak, I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say.
Kurt's voice was soft and low, almost a whisper as he sang to Sebastian. He reached out and grabbed Sebastian's hand, hoping to see him open his eyes and look at him.
To think I might not see those eyes, makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do.
Light up, light up… As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.
Have heart my dear, we're bound to be afraid.
Even if it's just for a few days,
Making up for all this mess…
The emotion was too much for Kurt to be able to finish his song. The tears felt hot as they just flowed down his cheeks and wet the sheets of Sebastian's hospital bed. Kurt held on to Sebastian's hand, pressing it against his mouth and kissing it sloppily as he cried.
"You can't die Sebastian… You can't die… Do you hear me?" Kurt pleaded, but Sebastian didn't move. Kurt cried until he was out of tears and then got up, taking one good look at Sebastian before walking out of the room. He was a mess, and he knew that soon the Smythes would be back. He didn't want to look like this in front of them… He was there to keep them company and support them. But he felt so lost.
Kurt walked down the hallway and then started running. He was choking back his sobs, trying to stop them as best as he could, but he was fighting a losing battle. His chest hurt like someone was stabbing him and Kurt just couldn't take it anymore. Luckily, he was able to get into the elevator and go to the seventeenth floor to the terrace. The chilly morning air hit him and Kurt breathed in, looking up at the sky. The morning sky was clear and bright… He just needed a moment to get himself together. He sat down on the floor, unable to find the energy to worry about his clothes for once. Being here was supposed to make him feel better, but being in the same place where he'd been with Sebastian a few times before just filled his mind with memories that were too painful to bear.
Kurt stayed there until he felt that he could breathe again. Then all of the sudden, a thought hit him…. Kurt had promised Sebastian's dad that he would stay with him while he was gone, and he had just left the room, leaving Sebastian alone. What kind of idiot was he?
Kurt ran back to the elevator and pushed the "down" button frantically, cursing himself internally for being so selfish. He quickly walked out of the elevator and into the hallway, hoping that the Smythe's weren't back yet, but right away he spotted Catherine and Sebastian's parents standing in the hallway. It only took a second for Kurt to realize there was something wrong, because Catherine was covering her face and crying while her dad hugged her, and Sebastian's mom was sobbing into her husband's shoulder. Kurt ran towards them, feeling dread shaking him to his core as he kept thinking "Please don't... Please Sebastian just be okay. Please please please!"
When Kurt finally got to them, he noticed Sebastian's doctor was there, standing in front of them... But he was smiling. Before Kurt could even ask what was going on, Catherine pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "They found a donor, Kurt! They found the match!"
AN: I hope you guys still like me after this chapter... I am sorry for the angst. I hope your minds can be at rest now, knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel. The song Kurt sang to Sebastian is called "Run" by Snow Patrol.