Uncertainty. That was the best way to describe the following weeks.
Surely Kurt had been immensely happy and relieved when he first heard the news about Sebastian's donor match, but that didn't mean things were automatically fixed. It was going to be a long, hard road for Sebastian and everyone who cared about him.
Kurt was struggling with a lot of different feelings. Relief and hope, because they finally had a donor, but also uncertainty and fear for not knowing exactly what would happen.
Sebastian was removed from his usual hospital room and taken to a special unit in the oncology ward in order to get him ready for the transplant. That meant Kurt couldn't see him, and couldn't even talk to him.
Getting the donor to fly to Ohio took a couple of days, and then they needed almost a week to get her ready for the transplant. What took the longest, however, was getting Sebastian ready for the procedure. Kurt didn't know much about what was going on and he felt helpless because of it. He was trying his best to be optimistic about things but it was in his nature to worry himself sick over every little detail. There was only so much he could read about bone marrow transplants online to ease his mind, and even though he and Catherine kept in touch, Kurt couldn't help but feel like he was being left out. Not even Alex was allowed to visit Sebastian. No one was, not until he recovered.
In order for Sebastian to be able to get the new bone marrow, the doctors practically had to kill his immune system, which meant he had to be in a germ-free environment, and the only way to do that was to put him in isolation. Kurt had no idea how long Sebastian was going to be there, and only immediate family members were allowed to see him.
Catherine kept Kurt updated as much as she could, but Kurt felt like he wasn't doing enough. He wished he could at least see Sebastian from afar, like those times he was forced to stay outside of his hospital room, but he could still see him through the window. Not being able to see Sebastian or even talk to him for weeks was taking a toll on Kurt. He spent his days wondering about Sebastian, even as he tried to keep himself busy studying, practicing his piano lessons or going to the shop with his dad.
Kurt couldn't wait until Sebastian was finally out of risk. As was everyone else.
Since the Warblers had quickly picked up on the fact that Kurt and Sebastian were close now, they all relied on Kurt to be their primary source of news regarding Sebastian's condition. That was only adding to Kurt's stress though, because he didn't have much information himself. He couldn't visit Sebastian, or talk to him on the phone, so all Kurt could do was stay home and text Catherine, asking for updates every now and then.
Kurt didn't want to burden Catherine with his insisting questions though, so he did his best to only ask her about Sebastian every other day.
"It's been tough, but he is hanging on." Catherine would say most times, but Kurt just wished he could hear from Sebastian himself.
"I'll tell Bastian you asked about him." She would tell Kurt, but never really told him much else.
And Kurt wanted to know more. He wanted to know how Sebastian was really doing. Not just medically. He wondered if Sebastian was joking around and making crass comments about the male nurses... If he was complaining about the hospital food and rolling his eyes when his mom scolded him about it... Or if Sebastian was feeling down and lonely, and was spending his days just staring at the wall and being miserable. Not knowing that was the worst part for Kurt.
Sebastian was not allowed to have his cellphone with him inside the ICU, and even if he was, he wouldn't really be able to do much, as Catherine had informed Kurt that he spent most of the time sleeping and recovering.
Kurt had to start planning for his return to New York, and the fact that Sebastian was still in the hospital didn't give him much hope. It was already June, and it didn't look like Sebastian was going to be able to make it to college in the fall like he wanted to. At this point, Kurt didn't even think he would be able to graduate. The Warblers had plans to make it happen, but not knowing how Sebastian was doing just made Kurt wonder if it was a possibility at all. Kurt had been talking to Trent fairly frequently about it.
"Hey Kurt… I know I texted your earlier, but I wanted to ask if you have any news about Sebastian?"
"No Trent, I don't." Kurt said wistfully, adjusting his phone as he sat down on the couch, facing the ceiling. He could hear Trent sighing in the other end of the line. "I wish I had more to tell you, but I've already told you everything Catherine said… Sebastian is still in the ICU, and he's probably going to need to stay there for a while longer. They don't know for sure."
"Man… I just wish we could visit him, you know? Or at least talk to him. It's been so long since we've seen him."
"Yeah, me too."
"Well… If you get any news, please let me know. I promised the guys I'd keep them updated."
"I will. I promise" Kurt said before hanging up.
The truth was, he hadn't spoken to Catherine at all that day, so he figured it would be a good idea to call her. Kurt dialled Catherine's number, and waited as it rang and rang for her to pick up, but she didn't. When Kurt saw what time it was, he figured Catherine was probably still in the hospital, so he decided to text her instead of trying to call again.
"Hey Cath, I just wanted to say hi. The Warblers are asking about Sebastian again… They miss him."
Kurt sighed as he sent the text to Catherine. Kurt put his phone beside him on the couch and turned on the TV. How I Met Your Mother was on. Kurt didn't even like that show, but he wanted to distract himself. He didn't expect Catherine to reply to him anytime soon, so when his phone ringed with a new text message Kurt almost jumped out of his seat. When he looked down at his phone, his breath hitched.
Catherine had sent him a picture of Sebastian, and by the looks of it, she had taken it from outside the window of Sebastian's room. He was resting in the bed, looking to the side and flipping the camera off… Kurt smiled for a brief second before he felt a knot form in his throat at the sight of Sebastian with so many tubes attached to him. Kurt could see Sebastian had that god awful feeding tube again, but at least he was smiling, and Kurt almost cried when he saw it. Kurt was about to text Catherine asking what was that about when another text came in.
Catherine: Seb asked me to send you this. To show he is alive and kicking some serious cancer-ass.
Catherine: His words, not mine ;)
Kurt smiled, feeling his eyes well up with tears. He was just so happy to finally "see" Sebastian, even if it was only through a picture. He could tell Sebastian had lost even more weight. Suddenly he was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to say, or what to ask Catherine.
Kurt: It's so good to see him smiling!
Catherine: He said that you should send that to the Warblers and tell them to stop bothering you haha.
Kurt smiled as he read Catherine's texts, picturing Sebastian rolling his eyes and flipping the camera off when Catherine told him Kurt said that the Warblers "missed him". In reality, the Warblers were just worried, but Kurt was the one that really missed him.
Kurt: I'll make sure to send that to Trent right away.
Catherine: Okay… And I have great news Kurt. You'll be able to see him in person soon!
Kurt: Are you serious?! When?
Catherine: He's getting out tomorrow.
Kurt: Really? Sebastian is going home?!
Catherine: No… I just meant out of the ICU. He's still not allowed to leave the hospital :(
Kurt: Oh, I see… Well, can I visit tomorrow?
Catherine: I think so… I'll ask my mom and let you know later. Okay?
Kurt: Thanks :)
Kurt couldn't believe what Catherine just said. This was great news, amazing news actually. Because if Sebastian was coming out of the ICU it meant that he was getting better. Just that thought made Kurt smile thinking of all the possibilities that it brought.
Catherine: Just… Can I ask you a favor?
Kurt: Yeah?
Catherine: Please don't tell anyone else about this yet. I mean the Warblers… or anyone else.
Kurt: Um… Okay.
Catherine: It's just that we don't want a lot of people to come at once. We don't wanna risk Sebastian's health right now… That's all.
Kurt: Don't worry, I understand.
Catherine: Thanks.
Kurt understood Catherine's concern, but he couldn't help feeling a little bad that he couldn't tell Trent and the Warblers about the good news. At the same time, it felt oddly comforting to know that Sebastian's family trusted him and wanted him to visit, even if they didn't want to tell anyone else yet. It made Kurt feel special somehow, and he really couldn't wait to see Sebastian in person soon.
…
Sebastian could see Catherine smiling at her phone in the hallway as she texted Kurt. He wished he could read what Kurt was saying to her, but he couldn't. Sebastian wasn't allowed to. He couldn't even get out of bed without help, and he really wasn't allowed outside of his room in the ICU. He had been in there for almost an entire month. It was horrible, and not just because of all the drugs and medicines being pumped into him every day, but because of being isolated from his family and friends.
The transplant was supposed to help Sebastian get better, but the process of getting it done was even harder than the worse chemo he had ever gotten. Sebastian felt exhausted and completely wiped out 99 percent of the time. He wanted to do nothing but sleep, because being awake meant being in pain, dizzy, or sick and overall feeling like he was going to disappear into nothingness.
His mother and father were with him almost everyday, even when they couldn't be inside his room for long periods of time. The first two weeks the doctors only let them inside Sebastian's room one at the time, and not for longer than half an hour each. Sebastian could still see them from his window, sitting in the small bench in the hallway. Which made Sebastian wonder what his dad was doing about his work commitments. He used to spend long hours at his office, and also travel a lot, but now he hardly left Sebastian's side. Catherine had also put her semester at Columbia on hold just to stay with him.
In a way, it felt nice to have his family's support, but at the same time Sebastian couldn't help but feel like he was ruining everyone's life by being sick.
His only hope was that he would finally go into remission after this whole transplant ordeal. Sebastian desperately wanted to be out of the hospital. He felt he was going crazy with every day that passed. He wanted to get better, but at the same time he felt that his will to live diminished with every hour that he had to stay in that hospital room. He didn't want to do anything but sleep, and he dreaded the times he had to get out of bed to bathe or use the restroom, because he wasn't allowed to go by himself. The first few weeks he needed help to even get out of bed, now at least he could do that by himself, but there was always a nurse or his dad going with him to help him in case he lost his balance or fainted. The feeling of not having any control over his life and body was overwhelming and crippling.
Which is why it had actually taken a lot of convincing on Catherine's part to get Sebastian to agree to taking a photo to send to Kurt. He had lost weight, eleven pounds according to the doctors, and that was not counting the weight he had already lost before his last hospitalization. Sebastian was pretty certain he looked like crap. But he still put up a brave facade, flipping Catherine off and smiling as she took the picture with her phone.
"Kurt will be so happy to see you." She'd said, and Sebastian sure hoped so.
He sighed as he glanced up to look at the plastic bag hanging from the side of his bed. By this point he had lost count of how many blood transfusions he had gotten ever since this whole thing started, and he couldn't help but wonder how it was possible that so many different people were taking part in keeping him alive. He had another person's blood pumping into him at the moment, and he had gotten bone marrow from a woman he didn't even know the name of. It was bizarre when he thought about it... and he thought about it a lot. There was not much else to do when you were confined to a hospital bed.
He'd been so sick when the actual transplant took place that he didn't even get the chance to meet her. Only his parents did. Maybe when Sebastian finally got out of the hospital he would get to meet her, so he could thank her in person.
…
Two days after Sebastian was released from the ICU, Kurt was finally allowed to visit. He packed a bag so he could stay with the Smythes' for a few days, and he was really looking forward to it. The drive down to Cleveland was filled with nervousness, but a positive kind that was edged with hope. Kurt had been waiting to see Sebastian for so long that he was feeling giddy.
When Kurt finally got to the hospital, he was greeted by Catherine in the waiting room, she took him up to the seventh floor where Sebastian's room was. When they finally got there, Kurt looked inside the window and saw Sebastian in the bed, with his mother sitting beside him. Kurt noticed that Sebastian wasn't under the sheets, but sitting over them. He was wearing the hospital gown, but had dark blue sweatpants underneath. He also noticed Mrs. Smythe was wearing a mask and reading something from a book that looked like a textbook, it was too big to be a novel or magazine. Kurt wondered if it was for school then, and felt hopeful for a moment, because after everything that was happening, Kurt had lost hope that Sebastian could graduate with his class this year.
"Okay, here's how this works." Catherine said, pulling Kurt out of his thoughts. "Only two people can be inside with him at once... And we have to wear these."
Catherine gave Kurt a light blue surgical mask just like the one Mrs. Smythe was wearing. Kurt nodded and put it on, making sure the mask was properly in place, covering his mouth and nose. Catherine helped him fasten the elastic band on the back of his neck before putting a mask on herself, then she knocked on the window.
When Mrs. Smythe looked up, Kurt could tell she was smiling because of the way her eyes lit up, since her mouth and nose were covered by the mask. She put the book down and told Sebastian to look towards the window. When Sebastian saw Kurt, he smiled… It was a small and tired, slightly awkward smile, but it made Kurt's chest tighten nonetheless. He had wanted to see Sebastian for so long and now he was finally there.
When Mrs. Smythe came out of the room, she hugged Kurt and told him she was happy to see him, and then he and Catherine were allowed to go inside. Kurt felt so excited but the nervous stayed with him. When he walked into the room and up to Sebastian's bed, Kurt wanted nothing more than to hug him but he was certain it was probably not a good idea. It felt so awkward to just stand beside Sebastian's bed though.
"Hey Sebastian…" Kurt said, smiling tightly and reaching out to grab his foot affectionately, giving it a little squeeze. Sebastian smiled and sat up on the bed, stretching a little.
"Hey Kurt."
Now that Kurt had Sebastian right in front of him, he could see he didn't have the feeding tube anymore, which was great. Kurt knew how much Sebastian hated it. Kurt also noticed that even though Sebastian's skin looked paler and he had dark circles under his eyes, he was smiling and seemed happy to see Kurt.
"Sorry you have to wear that mask… It's just… germs, you know?" Sebastian said apologetically.
"Don't worry about it. I don't mind."
"Did you know its actually more hygienic to kiss someone than to shake their hand?" Catherine said, nudging Kurt with her elbow and making him laugh. "I'm not kidding! It's true… Look it up!" She insisted, and Kurt felt a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Sebastian shook his head and smiled as Kurt and Catherine sat down on the couch next to his bed.
"How have you been?" Kurt asked Sebastian, hoping he didn't look as flustered as he was feeling.
"Well… I'm good… I'm slowly bouncing back to normal, or so I hope."
Again, Sebastian's smile was genuine, even though he looked tired, so Kurt was happy to see that.
"What about you? What have you been up to?"
"Well, not much… just helping Dad around the house and the shop a little while he's away."
"Wait… Wasn't your birthday last week?" Catherine asked out of the blue, making Sebastian's eyes go wide.
"Yeah… It was."
"I didn't know." Sebastian said, frowning at Catherine. "How did you know?"
"Oh I didn't know either… But I was bored last night and was stalking his Facebook. Found a whole bunch of birthday messages on his timeline from a couple of days ago."
"So what did you do for your birthday? Anything fun?"
Kurt pondered Sebastian's question for awhile as he remembered his birthday. He hadn't done anything special. Mercedes was the only person he really felt like hanging out with, but she wasn't in Ohio anymore cause she had gone back to LA, and the only person who had asked if he was doing anything besides his family was Blaine.
In all honesty, Kurt preferred to stay home and do nothing than go out to dinner with Blaine and Tina. So that was what he ended up doing. Finn was kind enough to get him a store-bought cake, which they ate as they Skyped with Burt and Carole who were in DC again. It was fine though, Kurt just hadn't felt like celebrating much… But somehow now that Catherine and Sebastian were asking him about it, it did sound kind of lame.
"Yeah well… Nothing really just, cake with Finn at home."
"Just Finn?" Catherine asked.
"Yeah, well… Finn and Marley, a friend of his." A student, his mind supplied but he left that part out. "My dad and Carole are in DC and are not coming back until next week, so..."
"So you really didn't do anything for your birthday? I'm disappointed Kurt… If it was my birthday I'd be out partying all night!" Sebastian said joking, albeit sounding a little wistful.
"Oh I'm sure you would." Kurt said, rolling his eyes but smiling nonetheless.
"Hmmm, I guess we're gonna have to plan a celebration of our own then… To make it up to you, now that you're here. Maybe tonight, right Bastian?" Catherine said, nudging Sebastian a little bit over-enthusiastically, while he just shook his head.
"What?" Kurt asked, feeling a little out of the loop.
"Nothing." Sebastian said, glaring at his sister and clearly trying to keep something from Kurt because Catherine promptly changed the subject, even though she clearly looked annoyed by Sebastian. She started asking Kurt random things like what kind of cake he had for his birthday and things like that. Kurt had no idea what was going on, but he played along, answering Catherine's questions, which seemed to ease Sebastian's mood.
They stayed in the room for about fifteen minutes, just talking about random things until Mrs. Smythe came back into the room, smiling widely and holding a folder in her hands. Shortly after she came into the room, a tall man in a suit followed. Was he a doctor? Kurt wasn't sure.
"Dr. Meyers!" Catherine said, sitting up and watching the man expectantly. From the bed, Sebastian just smiled tightly and waved as the doctor came into the room and greeted him.
"We have great news!" Mrs. Smythe said excitedly, turning to look at Dr. Meyers.
"Really?" Sebastian asked, sounding hopeful and doubtful at the same time.
"Your mom's right… You're going home today Sebastian." Dr. Meyers said confidently, as Catherine jumped, cheering and laughing before throwing herself over her brother, hugging him tightly. Sebastian was smiling though he looked a little confused, like he didn't quite believe it.
"I can go home? Really?"
"You're getting discharged today, yes. But you have to stay in Cleveland, at your parent's apartment for a week. A nurse from the hospital will visit you daily to monitor your progress, and if everything goes well, you can go back to Westerville and continue the rest of your treatment as outpatient."
So that was what Catherine was talking about earlier when Sebastian glared at her. Kurt thought. They knew there was a possibility that Sebastian could get out of the hospital today but they didn't want to get their hopes up. That's probably why they also didn't want Kurt to tell the Warblers about it. Now it was a fact, Sebastian could go home and it was just all kinds of amazing. Kurt couldn't believe it.
They quickly packed everything up from Sebastian's room and he changed into comfortable clothes his mom had brought for him. It was so good to see Sebastian standing up and walking around "normal clothes" instead of just sitting in a hospital bed and Kurt was beaming with excitement. Sebastian even had a new beanie, which was olive green and made the color in his eyes really stand out. Sebastian's eyelashes were thinner than the last time Kurt had seen him, but he still looked really good.
When they left the hospital, Sebastian's dad came to pick them up. Sebastian and his mom went in the car with him, and Catherine went with Kurt.
"Speed up, we have to get there before my dad!" Catherine said, so Kurt hurried up, managing to exit the hospital parking lot before they did.
When they got to the apartment, Kurt helped Catherine get things ready for Sebastian. They had balloons and confetti ready for him to welcome him when he walked through the door. Most of the things were already in place when they got there, since Catherine and Mrs. Smythe had arranged them before leaving for the hospital that morning, but there were still little details and Kurt quickly helped Catherine put everything together.
When Sebastian and his parents finally got there, it was like a big surprise welcoming party for Sebastian. Sebastian's smile was wide as he walked through the door and saw the big colourful letters hanging from the wall that said "WELCOME BACK BASTIAN!"
There were hugs, smiles and just happy times all around. They sat together in the living room while Mrs. Smythe got the food ready. Kurt wanted to help out in the kitchen but was quickly shooed away by Catherine, who insisted he wasn't allowed today because he was a guest, and had to go spend time with Sebastian as they watched TV. About an hour later, they all sat down in the dining room and ate lunch together, talked and celebrated that Sebastian was finally out of the hospital.
The food was delicious, they made chicken parmesan, which was Sebastian's favourite meal. They talked, joked and laughed during dinner about all kinds of things, and it was great. Sebastian didn't finish his food, he was barely able to eat half of what his mother served him, but no one seemed to comment on it so Kurt decided not to ask either. He just guessed Sebastian's appetite wasn't back to normal yet. Even though he looked like he needed to gain more than a few pounds.
Earlier that morning when Kurt had left his house, he never imagined that he would be spending time with the Smythe family, including Sebastian, in their home. Kurt had thought he was only going to get to see Sebastian for a little while each day, so he was more than thrilled at this development.
After eating, they all moved back to the living room, where they watched a movie together. Sebastian, Kurt and Catherine sat together in the big couch and Sebastian's parents took the loveseat. Catherine sat on the edge of the couch, insisting that her brother should sit in the middle between her and Kurt. She thought she was being sneaky, but Kurt could totally tell she was doing it on purpose. Especially when Sebastian dozed off in the middle of the movie and she gently pushed him so he would lean against Kurt and rest his head over his shoulder.
Kurt could do nothing but smile as Catherine did that. Sebastian was completely asleep and Kurt couldn't move because he was afraid of waking him up. Sebastian's parents didn't pay any mind to what was going on between the three of them, as they were too concentrated on the movie they were watching. Catherine had an almost too satisfied grin on her face as Kurt felt himself heating up with a blush when Sebastian inadvertently put his hand over his lap.
After the movie ended, Mr. and Mrs. Smythe said they had to go out, so they left. Kurt and Catherine watched a little bit more TV and talked… well, whispered as Sebastian remained fast asleep.
"I should take a picture of the two of you right there… You look so adorable." Catherine whispered, snickering as she took out her phone.
"Cath… No." Kurt squeaked, trying hard not to wake Sebastian up.
"You can't stop me." Catherine mouthed, snapping a few pictures and smiling widely.
"He's going to kill you…. You know?"
"Why? It's not like he's drooling or anything. Besides, you look really sweet all cuddled up there, and I need to immortalize this moment."
Kurt just smiled and rolled his eyes. Catherine was a force to be reckoned with.
"Just promise you won't upload those anywhere."
"Of course I won't. These are just for me... and you." Catherine said, and Kurt froze as Sebastian stirred in his sleep. He didn't quite wake up though, he just cuddled closer to Kurt, which made him blush a little.
"You know, you should just lean back a little further so Bastian can be more comfortable." Catherine whispered, and Kurt just glared at her.
"Shouldn't we move him?"
"Move him?"
"Yeah, to the bed… I mean, maybe he would be more comfortable there? I'm afraid he will wake up with a neck ache or something."
It was hard for Catherine to really grasp what Kurt was saying because he was whispering so quietly, but he really didn't want to wake Sebastian up.
"No, stay there… I'll be right back." Catherine said, getting up from the couch and going to the bedroom. A minute later, she came back holding her purse and keys.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Y-you can't leave me!" Kurt said, a little too loudly, which managed to finally wake Sebastian up. He opened his eyes lazily and frowned, not quite realizing he was cuddled up next to Kurt… At least not immediately. Kurt went rigid just waiting for Sebastian to react and move away or something, but surprisingly enough, that didn't happen. Sebastian just stared at his sister with a puzzled expression for a second before speaking.
"You're going somewhere?"
"Yeah… It's just something quick, I'll be right back. Want anything?"
"Um… No. I don't think so." Sebastian said, and in that moment he must have realized he was leaning against Kurt because he slowly pulled himself back to a sitting position and arranged his beanie over his forehead. Kurt wasn't sure he had ever seen Sebastian blush before, but he guessed there was a first time for everything.
"Okay I'll be right back." Catherine said, walking towards the door. "Keep it PG… or don't!" She said with a wink directed at her brother, before closing the door behind her.
Kurt could not believe she had actually said that. He could feel his face burning up, and he just hoped Sebastian wouldn't notice. It seemed like being crass and inappropriate was innate to every Smythe, and Kurt was just going to have to get used to it.
Once Catherine had left the apartment, Sebastian turned to stare at Kurt, studying him for a moment and then staring down at his own shirt.
"I didn't drool on you or anything… Did I?" He said, and Kurt bursted out laughing.
"No, you didn't!"
"Okay… Good. Sorry about that."
"About what?"
"Falling asleep all over you… Just, I dozed off…"
"You don't have to apologize for that. I've been told I make a great pillow."
"Really?"
"Yeah… Rachel and Mercedes say it all the time… I'm a professional cuddler." Kurt blurted out before he could actually realise what he had just said. Sebastian just smiled though, and didn't seem to mind. But Kurt wished he could put his own foot in his mouth. He really needed to stop talking.
Sebastian was still a little sleepy, so thankfully he didn't seem to pay much attention to Kurt's embarrassing babbling. Sebastian just smiled, laid back on the couch, pulled on a blanket from behind them and started talking like nothing had happened. Sebastian was mostly interested in what Kurt had been up to all the time he had been in the hospital. Kurt told him what he could, though his life wasn't really exciting. The truth is that Kurt should have already gone back to New York, but the only reason he hadn't yet was because he was waiting for Sebastian to get better. He would never flat out say that to Sebastian, but he did feel a little awkward talking about "his life in Ohio" when in fact he wasn't doing much of anything.
Kurt changed the subject so they could talk about The Warblers, since Kurt actually had more things he could tell Sebastian about them. Trent had been in constant communication with him, and the guys were really were looking forward to seeing Sebastian again.
"Oh god, I don't even want to think about them right now!" Sebastian groaned, cuddling further against the pillows in the couch.
"Why not?" Kurt laughed, "Don't be mean, they really miss you."
"I really don't get why… I've been a pain in their ass."
"They're your friends..."
"Friends are pains in each other's asses?" Sebastian said, making Kurt snort.
"Yeah, sometimes they are."
"You're probably right… But it's not them…" Sebastian sighed, looking at the ceiling. "It's just… I'm supposed to be studying to take my final exams next week, and I really don't want to."
"What? Why? Sebastian, that is huge."
"I know… but I don't want to study. I just want to sleep. My mom has been adamant about it though, and we've been studying a little but… I don't know if it will be enough."
"Oh, was that why your mom was reading you a text book this morning?"
"Yeah, that… They talked to the headmaster and agreed that if I could take the final exams and pass, I could graduate with my class on the twenty third."
"That's amazing, Sebastian."
"Only if I actually pass the tests… If I don't, it's just going to suck."
"I'm sure you can win those tests, you're a nerd."
"What? I'm not a nerd!" Sebastian protested, throwing one of the small pillows at Kurt.
"Hey! I'm just repeating what Trent has told me… He thinks you're the smartest guy at Dalton… Keeps talking about how you were the top of your class and a total nerd."
"I doubt Trent would call me a nerd." Sebastian glared at Kurt, reaching out to snatch the pillow from his hands before Kurt could throw it back at him.
Kurt laughed and rolled his eyes, Sebastian was right though… Trent hadn't called him a nerd. Kurt was just teasing Sebastian. He was really glad to hear that graduating was a possibility for Sebastian, and was certain that if he applied himself, Sebastian would in fact graduate with his class and go to college like he wanted.
"What are you going to do about College?"
"I have to graduate high school first."
"I know… But, you know what I mean."
Sebastian looked suddenly uncomfortable with Kurt's question, which was a little odd. Sebastian had never shied away from the subject of college before. Kurt wondered why the change.
"Aren't you going to Columbia with Catherine? She is really excited about that you know…" Kurt said, prodding a little. When Sebastian huffed, Kurt guessed he shouldn't have mentioned it.
"I don't know." Sebastian said, turning to his side and facing the TV for a couple of seconds and then closing his eyes. "I just want to sleep some more."
Kurt wanted to press the issue, but Sebastian had already snuggled under his blanket again, so Kurt decided not to ask. Catherine was excited to have her brother go with her back to New York for the fall semester, and had talked to Kurt about it many, many times. But somehow now Sebastian wasn't really willing to talk about it.
The silence was a bit awkward between them for a little while but things went back to normal later when Catherine came back with a cake for Kurt. Soon after, Sebastian's parents came back from running their errands and they all sang happy belated birthday to Kurt and ate cake.
That small impromptu celebration felt a whole lot better than his actual birthday with Finn had. Kurt couldn't help but smile, because even though he knew Finn tried his best… Kurt couldn't help but feel awkward with him and Marley. Finn kept telling Kurt that there was nothing going on between them, but with the way Marley looked at Finn, Kurt just wasn't sure that it was true. At least not for Marley.
Catherine took lots of pictures, which inevitably ended up on Facebook, and thus revealed Sebastian was out of the hospital. The second the pictures were uploaded, Sebastian and Kurt's phones started buzzing with messages and calls from the Warblers. Everyone normally just contacted Kurt because they were used to have nothing but radio silence from Sebastian while he was in the hospital. But it was nice to see Sebastian talking on the phone with his friends and smiling. He kept telling them to wait until the next week to visit because he wasn't allowed to get visitors yet, and even though they hated to have to wait even more, they understood and told Sebastian to let them know when he was back in Westerville so they could visit him there.
….
The next morning, after breakfast Catherine and Mrs. Smythe went out to the grocery store and Sebastian's dad had gone back to Westerville for a work related commitment. So Kurt and Sebastian were alone in the apartment. They decided to pick up on where they had left on Season 5 of Lost, so they were sitting in the couch watching TV. There wasn't much else they could so since Sebastian was not allowed to leave the apartment for now. They were halfway through the first episode when all of the sudden, Sebastian's stomach made a loud noise.
"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked, a little concerned since they'd eaten not even an hour ago.
"No... I mean yeah a little, but it's fine."
"If you're hungry you should eat Sebastian."
"Yeah well, I don't really want to."
"Why?"
"I just don't feel like it." Sebastian said, shrugging, and Kurt felt puzzled.
"Want me to heat up your breakfast leftovers? There's still pancakes in the fridge... You barely ate."
Sebastian seemed thoughtful for a while but then he shook his head.
"Nah, I'm just gonna drink some juice maybe… or water."
Sebastian got up and walked to the kitchen, and Kurt went with him. They stood together in the kitchen as Sebastian drank his glass of water, the silence was stretching for a little too long when Sebastian spoke again.
"Food tastes weird."
"What?"
"I don't want to eat because food tastes weird to me."
Kurt didn't quite understand what Sebastian was saying and it must have been written all over his face because Sebastian smiled and walked over to where he was. He pulled out a box from the cupboard and took out a pack of pop tarts. He took one and took a bite out of it, chewing slowly and grimacing a little.
"This tastes like cardboard."
"Really?" Kurt asked, pressing his lips into a tight and understanding smile.
"I eat just cause I have to, but I don't particularly enjoy it… The chemo fucked up my taste buds."
"Will it go away? I mean… Will it get back to normal?"
"I hope so." Sebastian said with a wistful smile, as he took another bite out of his pop tart. They sat down in the kitchen island and Kurt grabbed a pop tart of his own, joining Sebastian as he ate his.
"Sweet foods are better though." Sebastian said with a mouthful of pop tart. "This tastes like cardboard… but at least not shitty-cardboard."
Sebastian was smiling, so Kurt smiled too. Kurt walked over to the fridge and took out the cranberry juice.
"Want some juice?" He asked, pouring himself and Sebastian a glass.
"Thanks."
Kurt studied Sebastian's expression as he drank. He didn't grimace or anything so he guessed that the juice tasted nice. Kurt felt weird just wondering these things, and he couldn't help but feel a little bad that Sebastian was going through so much. Kurt wanted to cheer him up though, so he figured it was time to make a bold move. He put his glass down and took a step forward, getting a little closer to Sebastian.
"Was the juice okay?"
"Yeah…" Sebastian said, not quite realising what Kurt was up to… at least not until Kurt was practically invading his personal space.
"Is this okay?" Kurt asked, as he took another step closer to Sebastian and tentatively put his hands over his shoulders.
Sebastian stared up at him and seemed surprised and even a little puzzled, like he wasn't sure what Kurt was doing. He wasn't pulling away though. In fact, Sebastian spread his legs a bit so that Kurt could get even closer to him, so Kurt guessed that was a good sign.
Kurt stared into Sebastian's eyes, and then down at his mouth for a split second before slowly leaning in. He pressed their lips together gently, as his hands slid to caress the back of Sebastian's neck. He lingered for a brief moment before pulling back just enough to be able to see Sebastian's eyes. Looking for a reaction. Kurt could feel his heart beating hard inside his chest and butterflies making havoc inside his stomach. He had no idea if Sebastian was okay with kissing, if it would feel good for him or not, so Kurt needed to make sure first.
"Was that okay?" Kurt whispered, practically holding his breath as Sebastian just stared at him. Never in his life had Kurt wished so hard he could be a mind reader, because Sebastian seemed to have a thousand things going through his mind as they just stayed there in front of each other. Kurt was about to backpedal and apologize when he suddenly felt Sebastian's hands grab his waist and pull him closer. The second their lips touched, it was like Kurt could breathe again. He felt the tension drain out of him as he kissed Sebastian slowly and languidly. Sebastian tasted faintly of frosting and cranberry juice, but his lips felt just the way Kurt remembered them.
Kurt had never paid much attention to the mechanics of kissing before. Kissing was just a way of connecting with someone. Something that he just did as he pleased… Moving his lips however felt good… But this time was different. It was like Kurt was aware of every little movement of his lips, his tongue, his breath… That kiss with Sebastian was the most careful kiss Kurt had ever given. But after the first few careful minutes, Kurt quickly melted into it, caressing Sebastian's neck and shoulders as Sebastian held him in place with a steady but firm hold on Kurt's waist.
…
Sebastian had been a little more than surprised when Kurt had gotten close to him and kissed him. He never saw it coming. Somehow, after all those months of being isolated in the hospital, he had totally forgotten where he and Kurt stood. Not that Sebastian knew for sure, but what he did know was that he liked Kurt… and he definitely liked kissing Kurt.
It was a relief for Sebastian to realise that he could still enjoy kissing. In fact, kissing was one of Sebastian's favourite things to do… ever. And he had to admit Kurt was a pretty good at it. His lips were soft and warm, and they seemed to just move together in the best way possible, sending tiny sparks of arousal through Sebastian's body and making him shiver.
"Are you okay?" Kurt said, pulling back from the kiss briefly… Oh, he really did shiver, didn't he? Sebastian didn't think Kurt would actually notice, and now he couldn't even get his mouth to form words to reply. He was too busy looking at Kurt's lips and wanting to get back to kissing them again.
"I'm fine…" Sebastian said, pulling Kurt closer to him again so they could resume kissing. It was amazing what a simple kiss could do to Sebastian right now. Every touch of Kurt's lips and tongue was making Sebastian feel electricity running through him, sending sparks of energy flying all around and making him feel alive again.
He probably could have kissed Kurt for hours, if it wasn't for the fact that his sister decided to come back, making as much noise as it was humanly possible as she stumbled into the apartment, carrying plastic bags full of God knows what.
When Catherine and his mom walked into the kitchen, Sebastian saw a knowing smile forming in Catherine's lips. He and Kurt were no longer pressed together, but it was more than obvious what they had been doing. Maybe Sebastian was better at hiding it than Kurt, whose lips were a little red and thus giving away exactly what they were doing not even two seconds ago.
Thankfully, Sebastian's mom didn't seem to notice, as she just said hi to them before getting herself busy with putting away all the things Catherine and her had brought from the store. When Kurt and Sebastian got back to the living room, they sat a little bit closer together on the couch.
After that kiss on the kitchen, it was like Sebastian couldn't wait to kiss Kurt again. The proximity of sitting right beside him and not being able to just fling his arm around his shoulders and pull him close to kiss him was getting on Sebastian's nerves. But he was a little apprehensive of how things would look to his parents if they suddenly saw Kurt and him cuddling together in the couch, or acting all couple-y.
Sebastian didn't want to think about what kissing Kurt meant, not really. He just knew he wanted to do it over and over again. And so the following days, Sebastian tried to find every single opportunity he could just so he and Kurt could be alone.
It was quite the difficult feat to achieve, especially in the apartment because as spacious as it was, it really wasn't that big and so there were not many places he and Kurt could be without being in either Catherine's or his mother's line of view. A couple of times, Sebastian managed to just pull Kurt over and press him against the wall of the hallway, kissing him for a brief second before they had to join the rest of his family in the living room. As brief as those kisses were, Sebastian loved them because the surprised of being pulled over by Sebastian made Kurt all flustered and breathless. Sometimes Kurt would reciprocate the kiss, pushing Sebastian back and deepening the kiss, but most times Kurt would just reprimand him, smack him in the arm and squirm away, afraid of getting caught by Sebastian's parents or sister. Sebastian loved it either way. Most times though, Sebastian would just settle for a tiny peck as Kurt said goodnight and went to his room. Since Kurt was their guest, Sebastian's parents had him sleeping in a room by himself, and Sebastian was sharing the other room with Catherine.
Sebastian had to study for his finals, and Kurt offered to help him with that. They would sit down at the dining room table to read and discuss the different topics until Sebastian grew tired of it and they had to take a break. Usually that meant they would go to the balcony, since they were in the fifth floor and it offered a pretty nice view of the city. There were a couple of chairs out there and so Kurt and Sebastian could sit down and just relax for a little before going back to studying. Being out there helped Sebastian get some air without falling asleep, because honestly, sometimes it felt like sleeping was all he wanted to do beside kissing Kurt. Sebastian was just sick of always feeling so tired.
That particular day, Sebastian was feeling even more tired than usual. It had been already four days since he left the hospital, and even though the nurse from the hospital had been checking him daily, and everything seemed to be fine, Sebastian had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. There was a tiny voice telling him that he was going to have to go back to the hospital, and that sinking feeling had him completely unable to concentrate enough to study, so he and Kurt had gone to the balcony and had been just staring at the cityscape in silence for about half an hour.
Sebastian yawned a little louder than he intended, which made Kurt turn to his side and give him a stern look.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah… Fine."
"Ready to go back and study a bit more?"
"Ugh… No. I can't study any more for today. I'm not feeling it."
"What is it?"
"Nothing… I'm just really tired." Sebastian said, yawning again and rubbing his eyes.
"You want to take a nap?"
"It depends…"
"Depends on what?"
"Are you gonna join me?" Sebastian asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.
Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian but bursted out laughing all the same. He then got up and stretched out his hand for Sebastian to take it.
"Come on, let's go."
As they walked back inside, Sebastian realized Catherine was asleep on the couch, and his mother was sitting beside her, reading a book. The TV was on but she wasn't really paying any attention to it.
Kurt was holding his hand as they walked across the living room, which Sebastian couldn't help but find odd, since he had been quite apprehensive about showing any PDA before. Maybe Kurt hadn't seen his mom, or maybe he just didn't care. Either way, they just walked behind the couch where Sebastian's mom was sitting and headed straight for the bedroom. Once inside, Kurt let go of Sebastian's hand and sat on the bed, resting against the headboard pillows and patting the space beside him, motioning for Sebastian to join him.
It was all very suggestive, and in a previous life that wasn't so long ago, Sebastian would have just stripped naked and jumped into bed, ready to get down to business right away. But things were different this time, Sebastian was not the same person he was six months ago, and Kurt wasn't just some random dude he wanted to get off with. He had expected Kurt to just flip him off when he suggested he took a nap with him, so now that Kurt had actually accepted and gone into the bedroom with him, Sebastian was completely at a loss of what to do.
But since Kurt had just motioned for him to join him in bed, that was exactly what Sebastian did. He knelt on the bed and then crawled up to where Kurt was, staring at him intently. Kurt held his gaze firmly and not seeming at all hesitant or nervous, not even when Sebastian got closer to him and their noses were practically touching. They were close enough to kiss if any of them leaned in, but they didn't. Sebastian could feel his heart picking up speed just with the anticipation about what could happen, but Kurt was not moving.
Sebastian had no idea what was going through Kurt's mind, but he knew he had to be the one to find out.
"Kurt Hummel, did you just accept an invitation to sleep with me?" He whispered, lifting an eyebrow.
Kurt squinted his eyes, a small smile quirking up his lips. "Yes, to sleep… Sleep!" Kurt replied, emphasizing the word sleep while taking Sebastian's chin in his hand and giving it an affectionate squeeze.
Sebastian rolled his eyes and groaned before dropping down dramatically on the bed, resting on his side and looking up at Kurt who was sitting with his back against the headboard.
"But where's the fun in that?" He said, pouting a little and feigning frustration. In all honesty, Sebastian didn't want to have sex with Kurt. Not because he didn't want to. He did, but not right now, not like that, and especially not while he was still looking the way he was. He'd always been a lanky dude, but now he was just borderline scrawny, and just the thought of Kurt seeing him shirtless made him want to run for the hills. It was a foreign feeling for Sebastian to have, since he had always been very confident in his physique before, but he wasn't going to let all his insecurities show in front of anyone, and especially not in front of Kurt.
Also, Sebastian obviously had no delusions of having sex with Kurt while his mother was not even ten feet away from them in the living room.
Sebastian was so tired that he could feel his body relaxing the second he fell on the bed. So he closed his eyes and sighed. He could feel Kurt's hand rubbing his head over his beanie, and it felt really nice and relaxing. Sebastian was so tired that he expected to just doze off right where he was, but he was suddenly startled when Kurt moved, sliding down until he was laying on his side, right next to Sebastian.
When Sebastian opened his eyes Kurt was hovering over him, and he didn't even have time to ask him what he was doing because his lips were covered by Kurt's in that same second. Sebastian felt his stomach do a little jump before he just reached up to put his arms around Kurt. Using one hand to pull him down by the back of his neck and rolling them over in the bed. Kurt let out a tiny little breathy moan at the sudden change of position, and Sebastian felt like he wanted to just melt into Kurt's mouth right then and there.
Having Kurt in his arms was the best sensation Sebastian had had in months. However, apparently Kurt wasn't willing to let Sebastian take control that easily because not soon after Sebastian had rolled them around, Kurt was pushing Sebastian to the side, and pinning him down into the bed.
Sebastian's head was spinning a bit cause one minute he thought Kurt meant they weren't doing anything other than sleeping and now he was being pressed into the mattress and being kissed within and inch of his life. Kurt had his hands on both sides of Sebastian's face as they kissed. The kiss was deeper and more passionate than any other they had shared up until that point. And for a second Sebastian completely forgot about all his insecurities and just wanted to lay there and let Kurt have his merry way with him.
Too bad that didn't happen.
Because all too soon, and too fast, Kurt pulled back, ending their kiss abruptly. Sebastian felt like he was gasping for air, but the air was Kurt. Sebastian felt breathless, lightheaded and aroused all at once, and he didn't understand what was going on. His head was fuzzy and his heart beating so fast inside him that he thought it was going to just burst out of his chest. Was he shivering again? Maybe Kurt noticed and that's why he'd stopped their kiss, because he was looking at Sebastian's chest and holding his hand over it. Sebastian panicked for a minute, thinking he'd done something wrong before realizing Kurt was smiling.
"Just sleep." Kurt said again, leaning down to give Sebastian one last peck on the lips before dropping down beside Sebastian in the bed. For a few minutes Sebastian just tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. They were both staring at the ceiling in complete silence.
When he had calmed down enough to speak again, Sebastian turned to the side to look at Kurt and said, "That's really unfair, you know?"
Kurt smiled smugly and turned his face so he could look at Sebastian in the eyes, and he was just looking so damn kissable that Sebastian was even more upset just thinking that they wouldn't make out anymore.
"You're tired, and need to take a nap Sebastian."
Funny, cause I'm not feeling tired anymore. Sebastian thought, but he just glared at Kurt and turned to his left side, scooting away from him. "Fine, it's your loss." He said, and closed his eyes, trying hard not to say anything when he heard Kurt laughing behind him.
Sebastian grabbed a pillow and settled himself to sleep, his back turned on Kurt and planning to take the nap Kurt said he needed. He closed his eyes and tried to relax and stayed as still as he could as he felt the bed moving behind him. Maybe Kurt was leaving him to sleep.
He almost jumped out of his skin when he felt Kurt's breath ghosting over his ear.
"You're such a baby." He said, before cuddling up behind Sebastian, curling his arms around his waist and putting his chin on the side of Sebastian's neck.
Sebastian froze for a second as Kurt settled himself behind him, spooning him… Was Kurt really making Sebastian be the little spoon? He was taller than Kurt, for fuck's sake! Sebastian's mind protested, but somehow, it just felt right… So after a few awkward seconds, Sebastian decided to get over himself and enjoy Kurt's embrace. It felt really nice to be held like that… It was something that Sebastian had never experienced before, and after a few minutes, as he started to doze off, he realized Kurt had been right when he said he could be a professional cuddler.
Author's note: I am really sorry for taking so long to update! After this chapter, there's only one left, and then the epilogue. The next chapter was actually supposed to be included in this one but things got too long so I decided to split it. I'll try to update before the year ends, but don't hold me to it, as my life is pretty hectic and I don't know if I'll be able to. I promise I'll try though! Thanks so much for the patience and the love, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)