Sorry for the slow update I've just got back at school and I've been so busy.L Here you are… Chapter 16.
Chapter 16.
Zoe.
Whilst I was waiting for someone to take me home I got a text from Ash asking me if everything was ok, and telling me that Jess was up and he had taken her to the children's ward for the day. I smiled. I was so lucky to have him and I was just hopeful that he would stick around and help me get through this. If I did end up with Jess, I would need him to help me cope. I needed him now.
Once I had been taken home I grabbed some of my thing for work and set off in my car to get to the hospital. I wasn't on shift today but I wanted to be at work and keep myself busy.
As I got to the hospital it was nearly 11 o'clock and an ambulance was arriving and Ash was running out of the doors to meet it. I stayed in my car until he had gone in. I didn't need him asking questions right now even if I needed his comfort.
I walked straight through reception and into my office shutting the door behind me. As I turned around I saw that Tess was in there already. I screamed slightly before I realized who it was.
"Oh my god!" I said, "You gave me a fright! What are you doing in here?" I asked.
"Getting a file." She replied as I sat down on my chair. "You aren't even supposed to be in today. What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I can't face being alone right now. My parents are going to call me and I'm going to end up in a right state. I need to see Ash and have him not ask me any questions just sit with me whilst I cry." I said and burst into tears as I finished.
"Zoe? Are you alright?" Tess asked.
I just shock my head and whispered "I need Ash." She left the office and shut the door slowly behind her as she did.
Moments later it burst open again and Ash stood there looking concerned. I looked up at him for a moment before letting my head drop to my hands and crying once again.
Ash rushed over to me letting the door bang shut.
"Oh Zoe… I'm so sorry." He said lifting me up, sitting in my chair and putting me on his lap. I curled up and just sobbed.
I hated sympathy but I needed him to help.
"It's not fair. Why was it her? Why Lou? Why not someone without a family who they care about? Why?" I cried out.
He soothed me and stroked my hair. "I know Zoe. But listen to me, we will get through this, you need to stay strong ok. Stay strong for Jess, stay strong for me."
I slowly stopped crying hysterically and calmed down. It had however not gone unnoticed that I was in my office having a mental breakdown and now the door was crowded with people staring in wondering what was up. Tess was trying her best to get them to go away but it wasn't working so Ash yelled at them to go away, after a few moments they dispersed and the door was shut again.
"Sorry Ash, sorry. It just became all too much. I couldn't handle it anymore." I said.
"Did you see her?" he asked.
"Yeah, I couldn't have let my parents do it. It was horrible Ash, she was so pale. I see dead bodies here all the time; it isn't the same when you are the relative of the patient identifying the body of the one you love." I explained as he hugged me.
"Its fine. You did the hard part. You need to just relax and try to take in everything that has happened before calling you parents." He said stroking my hair.
I just nodded. I had lost the ability to speak. I just sat there on his lap whilst he held me telling me it was going to be all right.
A short while later the phone did ring. Ash answered it and passed it to me, I just put it on speaker, not bothered if he heard the conversation.
"Its them." He whispered.
"Hi mum, hi dad." I choked out.
"Zoe. We just got a call from Holby police station saying Lou had died. Tell me it's not true." My mum said tears making her stumble over her words.
"Sorry mum." I said tears now springing back into my own eyes.
"No…" my mum whispered almost inaudibly.
"Zoe, what about Jess?" my dad asked. He was not quite as upset as my mum but I could tell he had been crying.
"She was with me. She's at the hospital now." I said.
"Why?" my dad asked.
"I work there dad. Where else am I supposed to have her when I work?" I said.
"She could have come to us. Let her come to us. We can have her until it's all sorted." My mum said.
"No. She is fine with Ash and I. She is happy. If she goes to live with you it is more change for her. She spends loads of time with us, she is best at ours." I said before realizing that my parents didn't even know I had a boyfriend let alone that I was living with him.
"Who's Ash?" my mother asked, suddenly not upset anymore.
"He's my boyfriend mum." I explained.
"And you're living together? How long has this been going on?" she demanded.
"I'm not a child mum. I can do what I want." I said. Ash was trying not to say anything whilst I was saying this. It was like I was a teenager again, defying my parents.
"Before I let my granddaughter live with him I need to meet him. For all I know he could be a sex offender or a drug dealer. You have bought home some real odd boyfriends in the past Zoe. I need to meet him, as does your father." She demanded, protective of Jess.
"Of course lets decide how quick you can get here. How about tonight? You can stay here for a few days get things sorted out." I asked.
"Of course as long as its ok with 'Ash'."
"Its fine with me Mrs Hanna." Ash called out to my mother.
"Is that him?" she asked.
"Yes it is and you were on speaker so he has heard everything. Now I'll see you later. I need to go and get Jess." I said and I hung up.
Ash let out a suppressed giggle and came over to hug me.
"Ahhhh. They annoy me so much." I said, "Why cant they just let me live my own life."
"Because they care Zoe." He replied. "I care."
"Look if you don't want to move in yet its fine. You didn't bargain to get Jess as well as me." I said hoping he would still move in. I loved him so much and didn't want to loose him because of my crazy family.
"I love you so much Zo. I also love Jess. I would love to move in still. You are the love of my life Zoe Hanna and I don't care if I have to help you raise Jess without her mum because you wont be her mum, but you will be all she has to look up to." He said kissing me on the check.
"But what if she has to go back to her dad. Or she goes to my parents. I don't know how I will cope if I don't get her. She is my sisters' legacy and all she had. I want to take care of her. Not let some drunk, druggie have his daughter back." I said.
"Zo, you are the best person to look after her. The judges will see that. Jess loves you, you love Jess. Nothing else matters. You can care for her, your niece, not even your own child, better than anyone I know who has children." He said reassuringly.
"I love you so much Martin, you know that right."
"I do Zo. I do."
We just stayed like that for a few moments.
"It's Ash, not Martin, Ash." He added and we giggled.
"Look I need to go and get Jess. I'll see you at home?" I asked.
"I'll see you at home but only because I am taking the rest of the day off and moving into your house properly." He said smiling.
I smiled back. He was going to stay.
As we left my office he put his hand into mine and squeezed it tight, I was glad of the support and squeezed it back. As I went to the lift to find Jess I kept my head down. I could tell people were looking at me and whispering to each other, forming their own opinions. Tess and Sam came over and Tess gave me a big hug. Sam just said she was sorry and then Jeff and Dixie came rushing through the door with Ian the new paramedic and she ran off to help. Tess stayed with me andAsh for a few moments whilst we waited for the lift then she went off wishing me luck and saying that everything turns out all right in the end.
When we got to the childrens ward the nurse who Ash had droped Jess off with earlier came over to us.
"You're here early. I didn't think you were going to be here for at least another few hours." She said in her chirpy voice.
"Sorry. Somethings come up." Ash said knowing I wouldn't be able to speak. I felt the tears coming to my eyes again as Jess ran down the corridor towards Ash and I. She was so like Lou, her hair, her eyes, everything. It was like I was seeing the ghost of my sister as a child. I kneelt down and she ran into my arms. Ash did the same and she laughed and said we were making a Jess sandwich. This made me laugh to and I felt a bit better.
Ash stood up and thanked the nurse for keeping an eye on her, I stood up lifting Jess up into my arms and we walked out of the hospital, me carrying Jess and Ash and mine hands entwined.
Let me know your thoughts! They are greatly appreciated.