Chapter Three:
Us and Only Us: Part 2
Notes: Thanks for your patience and so many positive reviews! You stans are the best. Enjoy some amezona angst! (After all the twitter drama lately, you know of which I speak, I definitely think we could use some AMEZONA!)
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"Wow, that's a beautiful tumor, who's brain is…" But Amelia pauses, realization hitting her like a truck. It knocks the wind out of her, causes everything around to her still, as if frozen in time while she tries to process what she's seeing.
"That's my brain." Amelia states, more for herself then the other two people in the room. "That's my tumor."
—
Since finding out about her tumor, Amelia has been pouring over old case files; she's worried that most of her career, hell, most of her life has been influenced by this tumor. Her addiction, her impulsive choices, her lack of filter, even her mortality rate during surgeries.
Still, she hasn't told Meredith or Maggie about her tumor. She's decided she won't until she has to be admitted- which she is dragging her feet on despite Arizona's insistence. Arizona has been incredibly supportive; there's one decision Amelia knows wasn't influenced by her tumor- marrying Arizona Robbins, the love of her life. Although, that talk had happened, but was quickly dismissed. They've also discussed telling Sofia- deciding that waiting until she's admitted as a patient will be best.
Lately, she's just been wishing that Derek was here. Amelia would want him to operate. But she's decided there's only one other person she trusts to operate on her- her old teacher from Hopkins.
—
"Do you want me to be there when you tell them?" Arizona asks as she and Amelia sit in the attendings' lounge. She's holding Amelia's hand, drawing soft circles with her thumb reassuringly.
Amelia shakes her head. "No, I've got to suck it up and get it over with. Once Tom gets here I can't exactly ignore it anymore."
"Well, if you need me I'm just a text away." Arizona forces a smile. Since Amelia's diagnosis she hasn't stopped worrying, but of course she puts on a brave face for her wife; it's the least she can do.
"I know babe, thank you." Amelia places a quick kiss to Arizona's lips before taking a deep breath, squaring her shoulders, and going to see Meredith and Maggie.
—
Amelia pages Meredith and Maggie to view her scans which are loaded on every monitor- larger then life.
"Hey, what's going on?" Maggie asks, entering and taking in the scans. "Wow, look at the size of that tumor. Is that a new patient?" She steps forward, scrutinizing the largest scan. "Did you need a consult?" She asks, confused, considering neuro has nothing to do with her unless there's heart involvement as well.
"Not exactly…" Amelia trails off. "Let's just wait for Mer."
"Okay." Maggie replies, confused as ever. If there really is heart and general surgery involvement then this patient is way worse off then just a giant tumor.
"Hi, what did you need?" Meredith asks as she enters. "That's one hell of a tumor."
"Well, that's what I'm here to talk to you about. That's my tumor." Amelia states- never one to go about things delicately.
"It'll be one hell of an operation. That tumor must've been growing for years." Meredith replies, making an incorrect assumption that Amelia means it's her surgery and she's just showing off- another complicated operation.
"No, you don't get it. That's a scan of my brain. It's my tumor."
The room goes silent. Maggie can't find words to express herself. Even Meredith is in disbelief.
"You're sure?" Maggie asks, knowing full well that of course she is.
Amelia just nods. "I'm sure. So, I called my teacher from Hopkins to do the operation. Once he gets here I'm going to be admitted- most likely tomorrow- and we'll figure out a plan from there."
"Oh my god." Maggie rushes forward to give Amelia a giant hug. "We're here for you. Anything you need just ask." Maggie glances over to Meredith, prompting her to say something supportive.
"Of course we're here for you Amelia. Every step of the way." Meredith says. She means it wholeheartedly. Amelia is family, even if they don't always agree or get along. She knows the pain of losing too many family members in her lifetime so she needs to be a little detached.
"Actually, since you're offering, at this point I think Arizona needs more support then I do. Especially once I'm admitted, if you could watch Sofia for us?" Amelia asks.
"Of course!" Maggie wipes at the unshed tears that form in her eyes. "Anything."
"Thank you." Amelia is getting emotional; it's stupid, she's strong, she's proven that before again and again, but right now she doesn't feel like much of a superhero and she hates being vulnerable.
Maggie gives her another hug before leaving.
"I really wish Derek was here." Amelia tells Meredith, knowing that she's the only other person that can truly understand.
"I know." Meredith places a hand on Amelia's shoulder, in comfort; she stays a while. They sit in silence, looking over the scans and that terrifying tumor. "You'll beat it."
And Amelia wants nothing more then to believe her.
—
Amelia gets home late, exhausted, and stressed. She finds Arizona on the couch, asleep after a long day. She takes off her coat and goes to wrap her arms around her wife from behind, placing a kiss to the top of her head.
Arizona wakes slowly, smiling when she sees Amelia. "Hey you." She leans up for a sleepy kiss.
"Hey. C'mon let's go to bed." The one light in her life right now is her family, and she's so incredibly grateful for them.
Before they head to bed, Amelia pulls Arizona in to a crushing kiss, hands settling on the blonde's hips, getting her as close as possible, showing her wife just how much she appreciates her.
"I love you." Amelia says, stepping back, looking into her favorite sparkling blue eyes.
"I know." Arizona smiles, taking Amelia's hand and leading her to the bedroom.
They get settled and Arizona turns to click off the light. Amelia cuddles in her arms and she holds the brunette close.
"Tom gets here tomorrow. We're going to discuss strategies." Amelia says quietly. She's ridiculously nervous, despite being safe in Arizona's arms. She's worried about the surgery going poorly- ending up impaired, brain dead… or worse. She isn't worrying so much about herself, but more about leaving her family. Leaving Sofia and Arizona, the thought breaks her heart.
"When are we going to tell Sofia? I want to see her before…" Amelia trails off, forcing back tears.
"Shh, I know. Don't worry. Let's just get some sleep." Arizona rubs her back soothingly. She feels tears start to soak through the top of her pajamas, and holds Amelia while she sobs softly. "I've got you, baby. You're safe." No matter what happens, Arizona will be there every step of the way, no question.
Eventually, Amelia drifts off to sleep, safe and warm in her wife's arms.
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