Chapter 10. San Francisco
The lights of the city flickered in the windows while the train moved away from the San Francisco Station to the mountains. The stars filled the dark and open sky while only the rattle of the train was heard under his feet in the solitude of the night.
Sheldon was standing in front of that window, without really looking through it, just standing in that room, feeling how the air filled his lungs and the soft fabric of the carpet touched his bare feet, wondering, if all of this was real, if his life now would be like that, feeling, caring, loving … Thinking in someone other than himself, wanting to look into her eyes, hear her laugh, and kiss her lips. It was strange to think how a single person could change your day that way, how a sentence can destroy a promise and how a single minute can destroy a whole life.
A tear slid down his cheek, sliding onto his lip, tasting the bitter taste of loneliness, of the most absolute sadness. Looking back, he could only see his unmade and empty bed, knowing that a day ago it had been full of laughs, tenderness and love. Things that he never wanted, that he never really had, things that were just a big lie.
12 hours before ...
- "Are you afraid, Dr. Cooper?". Amy said tentatively as she moved the bishop of the board, arching her eyebrow while biting her lower lip.
- "Fear is evolutionary, it helps us to don't die. But no, I know what you're going to do, I see every one of your moves". He raised his hand, grasping the figure of his queen, moving it slowly while his eyes were fixed on her green orbs.
- "You act very secure after losing most of your pieces". A mischievous smile was drawn on her face. "A little risky, don't you think?".
- "These pieces were only a burden. When you have a plan you don't miss what you lose, you just have to keep in mind …". Sheldon eliminated her piece on a quick move. "... the goal". He finished, with the sound of the bishop hitting the board.
Amy stared into his eyes. His deep and beautiful blue eyes. His pupils were dilated and although he tried to hide it, a smile could be seen at the corner of his mouth. He was enjoying it, he enjoyed winning her, testing his mind, but what he did´t know was that she was not going to make it so easy, at least not without fighting first. In a swift move, she raised her hand, taking her knight and moving it slowly over the board, reaching his rook and making it fall. Amy stared into his eyes, trying to read something in them, any clue of his plans or if she had been successful with her strategy.
- "What did you say Dr. Cooper?". She said with a wicked smile. "You still have time to back out". She buffed, raising her eyebrows.
- "Oh, Amy". He whispered, nodding no with his head. "You still don't get it, you focus too much on the next step and I see beyond of that". Sheldon moved his queen, closing the way to any piece she wanted to move, and leaving her with a wide open mouth. "I knew what you were going to do, I know what you will do now, little lady, there's nothing you can hide from me".
Amy gulped hard, feeling how a flare of guilt ran through her body, up to her throat where it was lost before reaching her lips. Sheldon wasn't going to understand all her actions, all what she had suffered and fought throughout her entire life, all what she had sacrificed just to be where she is now. And now, just when her life could change he appears in it, like a fresh breeze, like the air that fills the lungs just before drown.
Amy looked at her purse on the bed, as if it was looking back to her, judging her from there, beating like an accusing heart for everything she hasn't said, for all the lies it hides inside, for what it was too late to say now.
- "Amy?". He repeated, but this time he gets her attention back.
- "Are you ok?".
- "Oh, yes, I´m …". She took a big breath and looked to him directly. "What about if we finish this as if you win?. I´m not feeling like playing anymore".
- "Are you sick or something?". He tried to reach to her forehead, but she smiled and put his hand away softly.
- "Oh, yes, I´m just tired. We didn't really slept too much this few days and frankly, I'm … a little sore too". She whispered the last part, dowing her head and feeling how her cheeks flushed red.
Sheldon looked at her with a shy smile, getting up from the floor where they were playing on one of the blankets, he walked to her, surrounding her from behind with his long arms and legs.
- "I'm sorry, maybe I've been too ... effusive, these days". He said softly, kissing her cheek. "It's just that I feel so full of life when I'm at your side, as if I had been asleep all this time and now I had finally awakened from my lethargy. I just want to make you feel what I feel". He slowly sank his head on her neck, brushing his soft skin with his nose.
- "I know". She said laughing, not knowing if it was for the nerves or having the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck, or for the memory of his kisses running all over her body.
- "Why don't you take a long and hot shower, while I go for a couple of hot teas and we read quietly on the couch?". He murmured, still on her neck. "I promise, no dirty business". He raised his hands, while Amy laughed.
- "It sounds great, thanks". She said softly.
Rising from the floor, Amy looked back at him, giving him a quick and gentle kiss on his lips and walked away to the bathroom, where in a few seconds Sheldon could hear the sound of the water falling and the steam coming out under the door.
He smiled, as he ordered the chess pieces and kept them delicately in his box. Sheldon savored his lips, still feeling the soft warmth of hers on them, still keeping the scent of her on his face and the warmth of her skin on his hands.
If he only would have known, that it was the last kiss, that the chaste and quick kiss she gave him would be the last memory in his body, that neither his eidetic memory could replace her scent or the touch of her skin. If he only have would've known it, Sheldon would never have let her go, she would never have taken that shower, he would never left that moment to finish, and he could have kissed her, forever.
20 hours after …
Sheldon looked around, feeling himself as a stranger in his own house. The walls of his apartment in Pasadena had never seemed so dark, the wooden floors so noisy or the air so charged. He looked around, listening to the clink of cups in the kitchen. There he was, in his living room, sitting on his own sofa, on his spot, where fifteen days ago he was and now, it seemed that he was anywhere else, except at home.
Leonard came back from the kitchen with two cups of hot tea and that puppyish look that Sheldon knew so well, it was that look of pity and not knowing what to say, which he always use to his fiancee. Sheldon knew it perfectly, he was his friend and roommate for more than ten years after all and he knew it wouldn't help him.
- "Here you have, buddy". Leonard smiled to him, placing both cups on the coffee table in front of them. He sat on the white armchair on his right. It was not spoken, but each of them had their place in the house, and Leonard knew that now more than ever his friend needed calm and order.
- "You didn't have to, I'm alright". He clarified, but his friend only had to look at him to know that it was a big lie. His skin was pale and dull, his eyes had darkened and under them was drawn a purple line which made him look like a dead man, exactly as he felt now.
- "No, no, those are the rules that you imposed, besides, have you eaten something in all day?". Leonard leaned his look to the kitchen, looking at what he could offer his friend to eat.
- "It's okay, I don't need anything". Sheldon anticipated to what he knew would be an endless list of everything stored in the house remotely resembling to food. "I'm not hungry".
- "It will pass, I know what that´s". Leonard took a sip of tea and gestured to remind him to drink his own, Sheldon nodded and took the cup in his hands.
He felt the heat of the cup pass into his hands, the smell of fresh lemon filling his senses. The memories connected to this smell were almost as painful as a slash. With every sip he could hear her laugh, her sorbs and the softly sound of her fingernails against the porcelain. He could hardly stand the tears in his eyes, it burned in them, and breathing seemed a painful work more than an involuntary movement of his nervous system. In one gulp, he drank the rest of the tea and got up from the seat.
- "Thank you, Leonard, you are very kind". He left the cup on the table. "Now I'm going to unpack my luggage". He could hardly stand the first tear, he turned his body and headed down the hall to his bedroom.
- "Sheldon?". Leonard called him from the armchair. Sheldon simply stood in the hallway, without moving his body, backwards. "When you need it, I'm here to talk, buddy".
- "I know". Sheldon said as he walked to his bedroom and a tear slid slowly down his cheek, the first of many that day.
Sheldon tried to focus all his efforts on unpacking his suitcase, slowly, he separated the clothes for the laundry, folding and ordering everything at his path. It's seems to work at first, he was too involved to think. He looked again around his room, it felt different, it smelled different, or maybe, it was just him. He breathed deeply, leaving his pocket watch and his wallet on the dresser, and walked to the bathroom for a long and hot shower.
From the hallway he could hear the whispers of Penny and Leonard talking in the living room, his friend would already be at home and he was pleased that she didn't bothered him, he could´t talk to anyone at this time. Closing the door behind him, Sheldon placed the clean clothes on the shelf, turned on the tap and took off his clothes slowly as the steam began to flood through the bathroom.
The steam began to tarnish the mirror, which he appreciated, because the person who was reflected could barely be himself. He stepped into the shower, feeling the warm water falling onto his head, and almost without warning, his sobs began. Tears mingled with the water and he had to rest his hands on the wall to support his body to standing. He could´t help, he had tried so hard to resist, but the pain of the last two days came pouring out of every pore of his body. The pain was so unbearable that he could almost hear his heart screaming. So many years denying each one of his feelings to now fail suddenly, all because of her ...
She had given him everything, the greatest joy and passion, and had snatched it all away in a second, with nothing more than a phrase that was incomplete in his head, still unable to understand, he hit the tiles with his fist, feeling like that pain was not even comparable.
- "Before or after you met me?". He whispered the question his head had been screaming since he stormed out of the train room a day ago.
Sheldon smiled as he finished storing the chess pieces, listening to Amy sing in the shower. He was happy, oh, so much he could scream of joy. Placing the box on the table, two knocks on the door startled him. He opened it, meeting one of the train's revisors. It was a young and tall man, though not as tall as he was, with ash-colored hair and a big and thick mustache over a wide smile. His blue uniform was perfectly aligned and even his shoes shone clean. Sheldon smiled and finished opening the door.
- "Dr. Cooper, I'm sorry to interrupt your morning". The young man said politely. The other revisors had warned him about this passenger in particular, and had come thinking in the worst. "My name is Thomas".
- "Hello, Thomas, good morning". Sheldon left him without words, when he smiled him back. "What can I do for you?".
- "I - mm …" Thomas stamered, thinking that he had fall in a trick of his fellows. This man seemed anything but rude and egocentric. "Yes, I need to see your ticket. If you would show it to me, please, I'm doing a recount of the passengers leaving tomorrow at Los Angeles station". He said, pointing to the notebook on his hands with the passenger list.
- "Of course, just a moment". Sheldon entered the room, taking the sealed train ticket out of his wallet and showing it to him. The young man checked his list, marked it and returned the ticket with a smile.
- "That's all, thank you very much, Dr Cooper, I will not bother you anymore, have a good day".
- "Hey, a moment. Don't you need to see my roommate's?. She had the same route like me". Sheldon said. "Fowler, Amy Farrah Fowler". He repeated.
Thomas reviewed the list a couple of times under the watchful eye of Sheldon. The passenger he talked about didn´t appear in this register, and he had to finish this task as soon as possible, and there were still several rooms to review.
- "I'm sorry, Mr. Cooper, I don't have her name on the list". He said looking at his watch, "I have to go, but if Miss Fowler is here I could write it down quickly, maybe is a mistake of the list".
- "Mmm .. she is in the shower now". Sheldon looked at the bathroom door, still listening to the sound of the water. "But I can give you her ticket, I think is on her bag".
- "Very good". The revisor nodded, looking the long hallway that still had to be done.
Sheldon walked over Amy's bookshelf, everything was neatly arranged and neat, a brown folder protruded from her purse, he saw her putting it in that same morning, it shouldn't matter to her, after all, he only needed one second and he wasn't going to rummage through her belongings. Inside was the ticket, surrounder for a bunch of papers. Careful not to take anything else out, he grabbed the ticket, handing it to Thomas who looked at it confused.
- "Oh, I see the problem". Thomas exclaimed. "Miss Fowler has an open return destination, to ... Boston, yes". He said, returning him the ticket. "I only have the list of closed tickets".
Sheldon stared at him, unable to understand. Surely Amy would tell him if she was planning to come back to the east coast, didn't she?. He thought. "That can´t be, Amy, - I mean, Miss Fowler, she is coming back home, she didn't tell me anything about this".
- "Well, that's no longer my competence, sir, but you should talk to your woman, if that's the case".
- "We - we are not …". Sheldon muttered, looking how Thomas gave him a goodbye with the face and walked down the hall to the next door.
Sheldon was perplexed, immobile in the door, still with the ticket in his hand, unable to look at it and see how the reality hit him into the face. It was not possible, maybe it was just a plan, maybe his sweet and always prepared Amy had a back plan, maybe ... He shook his head, trying to breathe again, it would be the best to wait until she tells him. Without thinking, he turned his body, closing the door behind him and walking back to the bookshelf to leave it in its place, from where he should never have taken it.
He carefully opened the bag again, but something was more powerful than himself, he shouldn't, he wouldn't have to ... but, before he knew it he was taking out the papers from inside. He looked at them quickly, reading the words he thought he would never read, words that didn't have any sense, at least, not at that moment.
- "Contract of Harvard University ... Dr Amy Farrah Fowler ... 1 January 1958 …". He whispered while reading. His heart was beating hard in his chest and a cold sweat was trickling down his back. Sliding the last page, he saw it, her sign, clearly and perfectly written at the end of the page.
- "Sheldon?". Her voice echoed in his ears like a scream. He turned his body, seeing Amy under the bathroom door frame, her cheeks flushed, her body covered by a long a white towel and her, still-soaked, hair falling down for her shoulders as her eyes strained at the papers on his hands.
- "Amy …". He whispered, knowing that her name would never sound the same on his lips after this.
Amy closed the door of her apartment in Glendale, Pasadena, behind her. Placing the keys in the bowl on a shelf next to the door, she looked at it with a long sigh. Her little studio was full of boxes, everything half packed, or, half unpacked, all depended on this trip, and now, it seemed that it was on her.
A month ago, everything was clear, it seemed that everything would change, a job offer that arrived at the best moment for her, an escape from a painful and lonely reality, a new beginning, a new city, a new life, a life. .. at least, different, at least one that want to preserve. But then ... Amy sat on her couch, feeling how her whole body weighed more than in her whole life.
Those eyes, those deep blue eyes that had filled her heart with an immeasurable happiness, something she hadn't felt for a long, long time. The same eyes that looked at her as no one has ever did, that had spoken to her without words, and had made her feel again. Feel love, complacency and, finally, feeling complete for the first time in each and every one of her senses, with a whisper and look, in each kiss and caress, he, only he, had shaken her world, a world that seemed not to love her and that had given her what she most desired, someone to love and to be loved.
She closed her eyes, reclining on the sofa with a blanket over her legs, while the hours passed slowly through the window. The night darkened every corner of the apartment, while only the sound of the little sobs that could be heard in the silence of the room while the tears overflowed her eyes.
- "Did you sign it before or after you met me?". Sheldon's desperate voice echoed in her head as her empty words didn't comfort her mind. She didn't say anything then, she could´t say anything now, and she only saw the same scene repeated in her head over and over again. Sheldon leaving the room, the train and her life, possibly, forever.
A/N
Thanks so much for waiting for me, it has been a chaotic month, I didn't know how to write this part of the story, that for me is very painful to write. I hope you liked it and that I didn't confused you too much with timeline jumps between both days. In the next chapter you will see the complete scene of the fight and I will solve everything. I have an incredible ending for you, so be tuned!
As always thanks to my beta Linda, she always had some great ideas and help my crazy mind to focus all!
Don't forget to review, and see you soon my travelers, the railway is ending…