Harry did not like Apparition at all. Of course, he knew that teleportation was faster, and that taking the motorcycle would cause the wind to mess their hair and clothing up, but still, it had been awful. When it was finally over, Harry fell to his knees on the sidewalk and vomited into the street. Once he was done Sirius helped him up and handed him a handkerchief—once Harry was finished with it, Sirius banished it as quickly as he had conjured it.
"Don't worry," said Sirius. "Most people throw up when they first Apparate, especially if they're only ten. I'm sure you'll be doing it yourself one day."
Harry was going to tell Sirius that he doubted this, when he heard another voice call out, "Looks like someone just Apparated for the first time, I see, huh, Padfoot?"
"Moony!" said Sirius, opening his arms in greeting, and he embraced the man who had called to the two of them. "Have you met my godson, Harry?"
Harry stood up and looked at Moony. He looked to be about Sirius's age, although his hair was prematurely gray and his eyes had bags underneath, like he hadn't gotten a good sleep last night. Just like Sirius and Harry, he was wearing a nice tuxedo.
"I have," said Moony. "Although how he has grown! Nice to see you again, Harry. You do resemble James, just like Sirius told me."
"Thanks," Harry said, smiling a little. "So you're Moony?"
"That's my nickname," he said. "My real name is Remus Lupin, but you can call me Remus. Sirius was kind enough to pay for my rental tuxedo. I did have to look my best tonight."
"Not a problem at all, Moony, old friend," Sirius replied warmly.
"I see you bothered to comb your hair and shave," said Remus. "What's gotten into you?"
"Well, I'm sure Barbara doesn't want to get scratched when she kisses me tonight." Sirius winked. "Although she doesn't mind that five o'clock shadow look, either."
"That's just sheer laziness on your part," Remus said jokingly. "I don't know how you stand it, anyway. It itches like mad."
"Like you said," Sirius replied, "I'm just too lazy to pick up a razor more than three or four times a week."
"When is Barbara coming?" Harry interrupted.
"Our reservation is for eight," said Remus.
"That reminds me…" Sirius turned to Remus. "What am I supposed to do when her parents ask me what I do for a living? If I tell them I don't work, they'll just think I'm a bum. Barbara says her mother wants her to marry into money. Plus, her father's a cop, so I probably shouldn't mention I was in prison for ten years."
"You should just lie and tell them you have a job that earns a lot of money," Harry suggested. "Not a doctor, though. Because you never know when someone will have a heart attack or something in the restaurant and you'll have to save them."
"What are the chances of that happening?" said Sirius.
"I've seen it on TV," said Harry. "Whenever a bloke lies and tells a girl he's a doctor, another diner always has some sort of medical emergency. She expects him to save the day, and he can't."
"You can't trust everything you see on TV, Harry," Remus told him. "Sirius, I think you should tell Barbara's parents the truth. Lying to her parents won't impress her, and they'll find out the truth eventually."
"Good point, Moony," said Sirius. "Okay…I'll just tell them I come from old money. I'm sure they'll like those words."
Harry's stomach grumbled; he wished Barbara would turn up soon. Finally, around 7:50, she did, along with two people who could only have been her parents.
"Remember, gentlemen, no magic," said Remus sternly, "as they are Muggles."
"Oh yes, I almost forgot!" Sirius waved his wand, and a bouquet of buttercups erupted out of the end of his wand.
"I never understood how you were able to do that," Remus said. "I can only do roses. James could only do roses and, of course, lilies."
"For the longest time, he could only do roses." Sirius grinned. "But he wanted to do lilies so bad that he made me work with him until he could. I've used this spell so many times—I think that's why I can do any flower I like."
"What do you think, Harry?" said Remus, smiling. "Will buttercups do?"
"I-I don't know," said Harry, taken aback—he couldn't help remembering Sirius's advice about gifts, and he wondered if this was another test. "I guess."
"Well, let's go, then." Sirius led the way; Harry followed, with Remus bringing up the rear, and they approached Barbara and her family. Harry expected Barbara and her mother to both be wearing the sort of dress Aunt Petunia wore to Uncle Vernon's work parties.
He was half-right.
Barbara's mother, a severe-looking woman with short blonde hair and thick glasses, was wearing a flowery, long-sleeved dress that wouldn't have looked out of place in Aunt Petunia's closet at all. Barbara, on the other hand, was wearing something that Harry had never seen his aunt wear, nor would he ever, ever want to. Short, strapless, and form-fitting, it was the smallest cocktail dress he had ever seen. She had matching glittering red high heels, and her dark hair was piled up on top of her head. Around her neck was Sirius's expensive pearl necklace.
"Sirius!" Barbara called. "Over here!"
"Barbara," said Sirius, walking over to her. "How beautiful you look tonight."
"And you look ever so handsome," she replied.
"Thank you," said Sirius, kissing her full on the lips. Once they broke apart, Barbara noticed Harry and Remus.
"Aw, you brought Harvey!" she squealed. "Come give me a hug!"
"It's Harry," said Harry, but his voice was muffled as she hugged him tightly. She was wearing far too much perfume again; Harry was relieved when she let him go.
"That's what I said," Barbara replied airily, her hazel eyes back on Sirius.
"Barbara," said Remus, approaching her and bending down to kiss her hand. "It's so nice to finally meet you in person. I've heard so much about you."
"Only good things, I hope!" Barbara giggled. "Would you three like to meet my family?"
"We'd be delighted," said Sirius. Remus nodded, and a disgruntled Harry followed.
"Sirius, Remus, Harry—these are my parents, Robert and Gwendolyn," Barbara said happily. "They're glad to meet my new boyfriend!"
Robert glared at Sirius upon the word "boyfriend." Sirius shrugged.
"Well…shall we go inside the restaurant?" Remus suggested, looking at his watch. "Our reservation is for eight."
"Let's," said Gwendolyn stiffly, and the others followed her lead. Once they were seated, they had to order their drinks. Harry realized he was the only one at the table who wasn't old enough to drink. The only alcoholic drink he had ever tasted was butterbeer, and that didn't really count.
"I'm going to order the '74," said Robert haughtily. "You, Gwen?"
"I think I'll just have a strawberry margarita," said Barbara's mother.
"Same," said Barbara.
"Appletini for me," added Remus.
"What sort of man orders an appletini?" said Robert.
"Daddy!" said Barbara, looking scandalized. "Siri, baby, what are you going to order?"
Siri?! Harry thought, feeling like he might throw up again.
"My favorite," Sirius replied, grinning. "The Singapore Sling."
"Oh, Sirius, honestly…" Remus rolled his eyes. "Can't you just order wine like everybody else?"
"Where's the fun in that?" said Sirius. Remus looked exasperated, but Barbara looked more infatuated than ever.
"I love a man who is bold and impulsive," she cooed dreamily, clinging tight to his arm.
"Then you'll love him," said Remus, drier than dry, and Sirius laughed.
Harry was sitting next to Sirius and Barbara was on his other side. Remus and Barbara's parents were sitting across from them. Harry wished Remus would switch seats with Barbara.
"Remember when I turned eighteen, and all four of us went to a bar, but I was the only one old enough to drink?" said Sirius fondly. "You know, it's strange…if this had been America, Mr. Prongslet here would have been born before Mr. Prongs and Mrs. Flower were even old enough to drink."
"Mrs. Flower," said Remus. "Well, that was better than what you two used to say—what was it? 'Code Red'?"
"So clever." Sirius smirked. "I came up with that one."
"Mr. Padfoot told Mr. Prongslet that Mrs. Flower said she wouldn't date Mr. Prongs if it was a choice between him and a giant squid," Harry supplied, and Sirius nearly fell off his chair laughing. Even Remus had to smile a little at that.
"What's with all the nicknames?" Barbara asked curiously.
"Just my friends' nicknames for each other at school," Sirius explained, smiling at her. "Do you want a nickname? I mean, Harry's mother got one. Mrs. Flower—Lily."
"Oh, I see," said Barbara. "But I can't think of a clever nickname…"
Even though he didn't particularly like Barbara, Harry did like her brownies, so he raised his hand and offered his suggestion.
"Mr. Prongslet volunteers the name Miss Delicious Chocolate Powdered-Sugar-Frosted Brownie," said Harry. "Miss Brownie for short."
"Moony, Brownie, Padfoot, and Prongslet," said Sirius. "Got it."
"Everyone loves my grandmother's recipe," said Robert proudly. "Now where's that waiter?"
…
Once everyone had ordered their alcohol (except of course Harry, who just got water), they were forced to make common chit-chat again. Just as Sirius, Remus and Harry thought, the topic soon turned to jobs.
"So, Mr. Black," said Robert shrewdly. "What do you do for a living?"
"Er…" Sirius glanced at Remus, who nodded firmly. "Um, nothing. I don't work."
"You don't work?" said Robert critically. "How did you afford that necklace if you don't work? Did you steal it?"
"Daddy!" said Barbara again, but he ignored her.
"I have to say, he cleans up quite nicely," said Gwendolyn, raising an eyebrow. "But what was it you were saying about leather jackets and a motorcycle?"
"Siri does drive a motorcycle," Barbara said lovingly. "But his jackets are pleather, not leather. He's a friend of the animals."
"It's true," said Sirius.
Just then the waiter came by with the drinks. Robert didn't seem too happy with his drink.
"I asked for the '74!" he barked. "You got me the '73! The '74 is a great wine! The '73 is absolute sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?"
"Terribly sorry, sir," said the waiter, snatching the '73 back to replace it.
"Anyway," Robert said, turning his attention back to Sirius, "what do you mean, you don't work?"
"What I mean is, I don't need to work," said Sirius, who was trying not to get angry. "I'm an heir. I come from old money. Neither of my parents needed to work, either."
"Oh," said Gwendolyn, who looked pleasantly surprised. Barbara looked surprised too. Harry remembered how Sirius hadn't told her he was rich.
"So you're saying that if my little Barbara got married to you, she wouldn't have to be a secretary anymore?" Robert asked Sirius.
"Daddy!" Barbara squealed for the third time.
"Why, yes, I suppose so…" Sirius tugged a little at his collar. "Hey, look, it's your '74."
"Wonderful," said Robert, reaching out for the wine.
"Well, bottoms up!" said Sirius happily, taking a long sip out of his Singapore Sling.
…
They all ordered delicious food. Harry got a hamburger, and so did Sirius (he may have been a friend of the animals, but that didn't extend as far as his taste in food). Barbara had pasta and both her parents had lobsters. Remus filled up on appetizers.
Harry was slightly concerned, because Sirius had knocked back four Singapore Slings in the space of two hours and had become quite raucous. Barbara was also possibly drunk as she had consumed three margaritas. Harry was chomping on his hamburger and sipping water. Remus had stopped after one appletini, and he was watching Sirius and Barbara warily.
"You two might need to call a cab home," Remus said to Harry quietly. "Or else he'll Splinch himself for sure."
"What's that?" Harry whispered.
"When Apparition goes horribly wrong," Remus whispered back. "You can get torn apart, and the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad has to come fix you."
Harry figured it was all right that Remus spoke about magic as long as it was in an undertone, seeing as Barbara's parents weren't listening and Barbara herself was too drunk to notice anything except Sirius, to whom she had become even more attached.
"Mr. Padfoot presents his compliments to Miss Brownie," Sirius was saying to Barbara, his voice slurred due to his four gin cocktails, "and would like to invite her back to his place tonight—"
"No!" Remus snapped. "Barbara is going home with her parents! You're supposed to take Harry back to Little Whinging, remember?"
"Ah, yes, Harry," said Sirius, turning his focus to his godson. "How you doin', mate?"
"I'm fine," said Harry. "But I think you're drunk, Sirius—and so is Barbara."
"Me? Drunk? Nah!" Barbara giggled; she even came dangerously close to toppling over onto the floor.
"Waiter!" Sirius called. "One more round!"
"Yes!" Barbara shrieked. "One more round!"
"NO!" Remus shouted. "You both have had enough!"
"Blimey, Moony, I'll tell you when I've had enough!" Sirius barked. "WAITER!"
Harry glanced over at Barbara's parents to see how they were reacting to all this. Robert looked too horrified to move, much less speak, but Gwendolyn looked strangely calm. Harry wondered if it had anything to do with Sirius's revelation that he was, in fact, a wealthy heir.
Sirius had another Singapore Sling and Barbara had half another margarita. Robert picked up the tab, and they had to literally pry their daughter off of Sirius, because she was not willing to let go. Sirius seemed disappointed that she couldn't go home with him.
"BYE, SIRI!" she screamed to the night air as her father dragged her by her elbow to the car.
"I was going to Apparate home, but first I'll escort you home and Sirius back to his flat," Remus told Harry. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if maybe that's why he invited me. I've been the Designated Apparator before. I don't drink too much, you see…I've found it rather clouds the mind."
"I'm going to have to agree with you on that," said Harry, watching Sirius.
"Are you sure you're okay with Apparating home again?" Remus asked. "You threw up last time."
"I'll be fine," Harry told him. Remus nodded; he grabbed Sirius's arm with his right arm, Harry's with his left, and—one very uncomfortable but instantaneous journey later—they were back at Number Four, Privet Drive.
"G'night, Prongslet," Sirius mumbled, giving Harry a drunken but affectionate hug. "Better be off now, it's past your bedtime…"
"It's past yours, too, Mr. Padfoot," said Remus, grinning ruefully.
"I don't have a bedtime," Sirius was saying, and then—with a sound like a car backfiring—the two of them disappeared.
Harry, meanwhile, went up to bed like Sirius asked. It was a lot easier getting the tuxedo off than it was getting it on. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley were all asleep. Harry wondered…Barbara's family definitely wanted Barbara to marry Sirius now, because he was rich. But did they want to marry each other? They seemed so crazy about each other, yet Sirius always insisted that there was nothing serious going on between them.
In a few weeks, Harry would be moving in with Sirius. If Sirius married Barbara, surely she would move in with them too. Hopefully they would tone down the PDA for Harry's sake, because he found it a bit disturbing.
The image of the woman at the park and her little girl floated forcibly to the surface of his mind. What if Barbara had a baby?! That would be crazy. It would probably be a magical baby, like Sirius said! Harry wouldn't mind a girl, but a boy would be the best…It would be like having a little brother, and Harry had never had any siblings…But he wouldn't be like Dudley. No, he would be the best big brother ever. Perhaps Sirius would name the baby James, after Harry's father…Harry and James…and once James was a toddler Harry could teach him everything he knew, teach him the names of plants and animals and clouds and trees…Maybe even some spells, because he would be an upperclassman at Hogwarts by then!
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they married, Harry thought, and he slept well that night.