The door to my room flew open as I stepped in, making my way over to my dresser. I opened the top doors and placed the book Celestia had given me in the front of the small collection of books I had. Over the past little while, I had been acquiring a few books that I felt would help me in learning magic. Just some odds and ends when it came to books, nothing special. There were even a few books that were unrelated to magic, for my personal enjoyment.
I closed the dresser doors carefully, and turned around, gazing about the room... my room. I had previously requested a clock be out into my room, and the castle happily obliged, providing me with both the unit, and the means to hang it. With the device resting casually above my bed, I cast my eyes upon it.
Eight forty... hm...
I had relatively little to do. Nowhere to be, no one to see, nothing to do. My eyes went back towards the... my dresser that held my books. I took a brief step towards it, before a thought hit me. I let a small smile shine through, and I opened the door, pulling out the book in magiplasm that Celestia had given me. I exited my room, and made my way towards one of the many staircases in the castle.
My thoughts shifted, and I once again found myself thinking about the implications, and... consequences, of what had been given to me. When Austin and I had found those precious stones on that fateful day, I had wondered if we had tempted more than just fate. I tried to shake the thoughts from my head, but I could not.
Many a night did I stay up and think. Laying in my bed, with no one around, just me... and my thoughts. What was to happen? To me, to Austin. I mean, really.
Immortality.
The ability to live forever. Forever.
At times, I simply glossed over the thought like you would an old mares tale. It felt almost like something straight out of a story book. Like it almost wasn't real. Maybe... it wasn't. Many times when I was lying in my bed did I find myself wondering if this was all a dream. Maybe, just maybe, I could will myself awake. Sometimes I got so scared, so terrified of what lie ahead, that I would just sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Sometimes I pushed it aside with dismissive thoughts. Every time I would look at Austin, I could tell he was trying his absolute hardest to do the same.
Sometimes it didn't matter.
There were times when I could see it in his eyes. I could see that he knew it wasn't a dream, that this was reality, and we had simply been dealt an unlucky hand. Life is full of surprises, right?
I pushed open the large, wooden doors to the bridge, and took in a large breath of the cool, outside air. This was partially because it was nice, partially because I wanted to avoid having a panic attack. Across the large bridge lay the observatory keep, but today, the bridge was my destination. I threw my book down, and quickly slumped down against the marble railing. I lowered my head in thought, trying to push the dark thoughts from my head. The original thought loomed in my mind.
Forever.
The idea had been played with in books and novels alike, but...
To be suddenly submerged in a world that was not your own, while being surrounded with those who are. I could not even begin to form a way in my mind as how to approach this dilemma. What do you do with unlimited time?
Learn all you can. And then?
Explore everything there is to see. And then?
Have a family. And then?
Watch everything around you die. And then?
Die. And then?
Where was the end? What was the point? Why would such a vile and harsh thing exist? My gaze shifted upwards, towards the orange, darkening sky.
"Why?" I questioned aloud. The wind nipped at my hair and face as the sun began its slow journey past the horizon.
"Why?" I asked again. The idea of a creator, a "god," had always been an idea to toy with, to test and strengthen ones beliefs. Some believed a higher being out us here, some thought it was simple evolution. The question of whether or not a creator existed had always been one that liked to bat around in my mind. Weighing pros and cons, evidence and faith often collided.
I stood up, clutching my book in my right hand.
"Why?!" I pressed, calling out to the skies.
The lack of a response only continued to bitter my mood. I gave a small chuckle as I shifted my weight.
"Are you even real?" I called out again. I lowered my head in thought.
"No. You can't be real. Eternal life versus eternal torture. They're practically one in the same, aren't they?" I asked. I leaned against the railing, setting my book down. I could feel my emotions rising, and my breathing accelerated.
"Why would you even bother? Why would you even waste your time with someone deserving of a fate worse than death?" I asked, dropping my head. My mind swirled with anger and... depression. This wasn't what I wanted. I looked back up.
"How could you?" I asked, as a single tear welled up in my eye. "What could I have done... to deserve something as cruel as this?" I pleaded as more tears started to gather.
I pressed my head into my arms, letting a quiet sob escape.
"Nobody. Nobody could deserve something like this. Why do I?" I asked again. I pulled my head up, standing up straight.
"Wake up," I told myself as I gave myself a light slap.
"Wake up, wake up, please wake up, wake up!" I yelled progressively louder, hitting myself harder each time. I looked at the marble railing in front of me. I raised my hand as high as it could go.
"WAKE UP!"
I slammed my hand down on my knuckles as hard as I could. Pain shot through my hand and up my arm. I raised my hand again.
"WAKE. UP!"
I brought my hand down again, more pain flaring in my hand. I raised my hand again.
"FUCKING WAKE. UP! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!"
Each time I yelled, I brought my hand down with even more force, and each time, I did not wake up. I pulled my hand back, and looked at the back of it. My knuckles were coated in a shiny, yellow color. The dripping of blood began to from a pool on the marble railing below me. My anger peaked, and I picked up the book that was next to me, fighting the pain in my had off.
"FUCK. YOU!" I yelled, straining my vocal cords. I threw the book at the sky with all of my might. As I watched it fly, I could only feel a slight twinge of guilt, along with the terrible pain in my hand.
Before I could call out, the book stopped in mid air, being save form being lost. A dark blue aura coated the book, and I stared for a few seconds, puzzled at the sudden occurrence.
"Daniel, why did you throw this book," I heard a voice call out as the book flew past my left side, and towards the voice. Looking behind me revealed princess Luna standing in the doorway, holding my book in her magical grasp. She was wearing a set of saddlebags across her back. I turned back to the sky in front of me, holding my hand so she could not see the damage. I heard the familiar sound of pony hooves on marble as Luna walked up behind me.
"What are you doing out here anyway? Was that you yelling?" she asked me, setting her bags down by the door. I moved to conceal my hand even more.
"How did you hear me?" I questioned her.
"I heard you when I was coming up the spire to get here. I was making my way to the observatory, when I heard you screaming," she told me. I lowered my head.
"I was just... I was..." I stuttered, trying to find something to say.
"Are you hiding something? Turn around," she instructed me.
"Look, I know you're cautious, but you really should-"
"Turn around Daniel, now," she told me again, more forcefully. I let out a small sigh, before complying, and turning around so she could see my knuckles. Luna let our a small gasp as she saw my hand, tilting her head in confusion. She looked to the railing, likely noticing the pool of golden blood. She looked back to me, before my hand was enveloped in a blue aura.
"Did you do this?" she asked me in a slight monotone. I turned my gaze away.
"...yes," I confessed.
"Why?" she asked, in a more sincere tone. I looked back to her, not expecting the tone she had used. It was caring, almost... motherly, in a way. I felt a light amount of pressure in my hand.
"I was... I was angry. I was trying to... wake myself up," I told her. The pressure in my hand started to increase, and I looked down at it.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked me, tending carefully to my injury. The pressure in my hand suddenly went away, and when I looked at my hand again, the blood was gone, and my knuckles were completely back intact. I gave my hand a good look over before I looked back top Luna.
"I don't know. I guess... I guess I was trying to tell myself that this whole thing, this whole... immortality thing, was just a bad dream," I thought aloud. I turned and leaned over the railing again, gazing at the horizon, the sun having set. Luna stayed silent, waiting for me to continue.
"You know, I didn't want this. I didn't want to be just... yanked away from my life, from everything I knew and cared about. Considering my situation, I would say everything was going pretty well for me, and then... this. I don't want this, I never did!" I emptied my thoughts, venting my anger. I narrowed me eyes in anger.
"...do you think I did?" Luna asked in a very somber tone. There was no harshness in her question. I turned to look at her. She was gazing at the floor, with a sullen look on her face.
"A long time ago, my sister and I found the elements, similar to how you did. The only difference is, we did not stumble upon them. We were actively searching for them, to stop Discord," Luna told me. I turned to face her completely. Before she continued, she sat down. I mirrored her movement by sitting down against the railing.
"One day... we did find them. We found the elements, the key to our freedom. We were ecstatic. Celestia ran to them like an eager little filly, and when she did, she became... something different. She never used to have the kind of hair she has today. Her hair was pink. When she stepped out of the light, she had the hair that she has today," she explained. I noticed her gaze. She seemed... almost pained, telling this story.
"There was more, though. When she stepped out of that light, I could feel something different. About her magic, about her personality... about her. She was different then. Not in a bad way, but she was... not herself. It was like she had become the world's greatest scholar overnight. And when she looked to me with a smile, waiting for me to take my turn... I... I ran. I turned, and ran as fast as I could," she continued. Her complexion was one of great sorrow.
"Eventually, I realized something," she said. I looked at her patiently, waiting to hear what she had to say. She looked me dead in the eye.
"Sometimes, life makes choices for you. And sometimes, those choices may not seem like the things you wanted at the time," she explained. A warm smile made its way onto her face as she looked at me.
"Sometimes, life makes choices, not for you, but for those around you," she told me.
"It took some time, but I eventually realized that the wants and desires of myself did not outweigh those of Equestria's. It was my choice, but in a way, it really wasn't. Life put me right were I needed to be, for the benefit of everyone. I think that this is happening to you to," she told me with a smile. I gave a sincere smile back.
"And you're telling me this because... I need to accept it?" I asked.
Luna looked over to her bag, and levitated it over to us. She rifled through the bag for a few moments, before pulling out what looked to be a scalpel. She lifted her right hood up, and using her blade, made a quick, small cut on her hoof. Immediately, a thin stream of golden ichor began running down her hoof. She held it up for me to see.
"I'm telling you this, because you have to know that you aren't alone. This is the biggest fight that you'll ever have to partake in. You are going to war with yourself. And you know what?" she asked me. I tiled my head in a silent response.
"You have friends. Never forget that," she told me. I gave her a sincere smile, genuinely touched by her kind and thought out words. Before I could give a response, the booming roar of thunder echoed over our heads, and a few drops of rain began to fall from the sky. Luna looked up at the sky, before placing my book in her bag as she stood up.
"Come on, let's get back into the castle before we get soaked," she told me.
"Agreed," was all I could say back. We walked back to the spire, walking down the stairs as the wooden door shut behind us.