~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hadn't been to see Athena since I had been forced from her side in the Life Center a few cycles earlier. The time in between had been spent explaining what I knew to a worried Adama, watching Apollo try to comfort the shocky Sheba, and learning that Doctor Porta had gone missing. By the time that was done I had been relieved to learn that Athena was sedated and I wouldn't have to gaze upon her bruised visage.

The memory of her face still shook me.

As did the sensory memory of her fingers digging into my shoulders and feeling body shaking in my arms.

To me, even as young as she was when I first met her, Athena seemed strong. Nothing phased her. Not until the Destruction. By then I couldn't face her vulnerability. Her need. I didn't want anyone to rely on me because I didn't think I could be relied upon, not emotionally. Cassiopeia's superficial need made me feel like less of a failure. But now, a failure was exactly what I felt like as I walk toward the Life Center.

My neck still throbbed with the imprint of her fingers on my neck.

My souls cries out with the image of her wet, blue eyes as I carry her towards the help. If Bojay wasn't already dead I would kill him myself. I can't sleep for the need of vengeance. Of comfort.

Of guilt. Captain Biehn tried to warn us, but we believed Bojay's manipulations. We believed that Biehn was not to be trusted, that he had betrayed Athena.

I laugh ironically. Who was I to cast stones? I had betrayed Athena even more deeply than Biehn had. Who was I? The wingmate who failed to see that she wasn't being treated right. Her former lover.

As much as I dreaded seeing Athena like this, I felt a load drop from my shoulders as I reached the Life Center. The thoughts were whirling around in my mind and driving me madder than a Gemon Otori. The reality had to be easier than my imagination.

Contrary to the warning of the Med Tech, Athena wasn't sleeping when I entered.

No, as the gushing felicitations on my upcoming sealing that had been heaped on me only moments before rang in my head, Athena's haunted eyes looked upon me in the semi‑dark room.

"Zac has a message for you," I told her, wincing myself when I saw her flinch at the name of her much missed brother. I sat myself down on the edge of her bed, my hand grasped hers. "He said it's time for you to make a choice, or almost time," I told her.

"A choice," Athena finally spoke, her blue eyes thankfully clearing a bit.

"That's what he said, I don't get it either," I told her, my lips brushing her forhead.

"It was just a dream," she told me in a tired voice, her eyes closing.

"He gave me a tip on the play offs." I brushed my lips over her cheek.

"Then it had to be real." Sarcasm laced her tone, bringing a smile to my face. Athena's falsely acidic tone, my pretend hurt response, and our shared wicked smile, comforted me. And her.

"You said Zac showed you things when you saw him," I reminded her.

Athena thought for a centon and I saw the moment something seemed to click in her mind.

"Nothing that makes sense," was all she finally said, her eyes averted. "I hear you've made your choice, congratulations." I could feel the pulse in her wrist speeding.

"What do you mean?" I asked, momentarily thrown.

"Your engagement. I overheard some of the med techs." She looked at me as if unsure if she should be annoyed or amused at my seeming disassembling.

I wasn't sure if I should accept her felicitations or be ashamed for them. My hand tightened on hers.

"Congratulations," she repeated, placing her free hand on my knee. "I mean it Starbuck. I'm not just saying it to be polite."

"I know." I was silent for a centon. Looking down at our entwined hands, her fragile‑seeming one inside my larger, strong one, I suddenly felt guilty. Without even realizing it, my other thumb began to stroke her milky, unmarred, cheek. I had never been able to keep her safe, it suddenly occurred to me. Not from Cylon attacks, psychotic boyfriends, fires, or even myself. I shouldn't feel guilty, I should be relieved, I told myself, that she was free of me. My other hand tightened on hers.

"I just came to see how you were doing, without all the crowds," I told her, suddenly needing to get away. "You should get some sleep."

"Look who's talking," she said and I knew she could see the tired lines on my face, even in the half light.

"If you need me wing mate, send for me," I whispered and pressed my lips on the spot my hand had passed over on her chin. Unable to stop myself, my lips brushed hers.

Pressed.

Tasted.

Lingered.

Pulled away.

The next few days passed in a haze. With a myriad of plans for the Sealing ceremony to make and the patrols I was flying with Apollo, I didn't have time to let myself think any of the thoughts that had haunted me in the cycles after Bojay's death. Nor did I allow myself to be alone with Athena again. When I saw her it was in the company of other warriors and her family. But I didn't need to be alone with her to know that things were not going smoothly. The dark circles under Apollo's eyes spoke volumes. Between his requisite guilt, Athena's pain, and Sheba's bereavement, Apollo was almost the dark shadow he had become after Serina's death.

The only thing I could do to ease his burden was spend time with his sister so he could be with Sheba. To keep her company. To hold her. To comfort her.

Then it was time for the memorial for Bojay.

Bojay was one of our own and before Iblis's influence, as some of us believed it to be, he had been a good warrior. A good friend. Adama had put his foot down and Inter‑Fleet Broadcasting wasn't going to project the event to the entire Fleet. Even if the Council hadn't agreed to Adama's demand, none of us would have let them anywhere near the since. In a silent pact we all agreed to protect not only Bojay's memory, but Athena and Sheba.

The ceremony was as painful as we expected. The doctor had managed to repair most of the bruises on Athena's face, but her dry‑eyed daze was painful in its deep contrast to Sheba's tears. As I stood with Cassi opposite her I wished she would cry, and the Lords of Kobol knew I couldn't deal with weeping women. But there was nothing from her, not even when Captain Biehn put his arm around her shoulders. Cassi, sensing my disquiet, slipped her hand into mine and squeezed reassuringly.

After the ceremony we gathered in the Officer's Club for a subdued remembrance. I stopped by for one drink, then Cassi and I went to a more private gathering in Adama's quarters. By the time we arrived, though it wasn't too much after the ceremony ended, Athena had already came and went. Since Adama was host and Apollo was busy comforting Sheba I offered to go look for her. I had a pretty good idea where to look.

True to form the shuttle dispatcher confirmed that she had gone to the Agro Ship and owing me a favor let me take a puddle jumper over myself. I walked through the growing areas into the thicket where the botanists experimented hybridizing the species they'd picked up on planets in our course with our native plant species, working to make them stronger and more fruitful. It also was where those with the privileges went to try to find some alone time. As I made my way through the veritable jungle I knew exactly why Athena disappeared here because I felt the same connection with the forest that surrounded the ancestral home she had grown up in.

When I reached her I stopped and watched. I tried to read her from her stiff posture. Was she on the verge of a break down or in the grips of anger. I couldn't tell, but I knew just what she needed and for reasons I refused to consider I desperately wanted to give it to her.

I walked up next to her. Neither of said a word. I waited a beat for her to tell me to get lost, but she didn't. A slight shrug was her only acknowledgment of my presence. So I reached out. Her head barely turned when I wrapped my arms around her.

"I should have known something was wrong with him," she said as my lips pressed of their own accord against her thick, long, hair.

"It's not your fault." I was no stranger to undeserved guilt. Perhaps that was what bound me so closely with Apollo and his family? They took on the burdens of the world and I took whatever was left? I thought irreverently.

"None of us saw anything, not even Sheba, his best friend. His wingmate," I said.

Her body trembled at my words. I moved my hand to her face and felt the wetness on her cheeks.

"Go ahead," I whispered gently into her ear.

I don't know how much time passed as we sat there, me grounding her as deep, wracking sobs tore through her body, and mine. I held her, until the silent tears that slid down her face, and mine, ended. By then, she was gathered in my lap. I don't know when I began to kiss the tears off her cheeks or when my lips began to slide over her salty skin to drink from her lips. To taste.

Her neck, shoulders, collar bone, until my hot tongue was suckling her sweet nipples through her thin dress.

My hands were stripping away her feminine dress. My hands sliding over her hot skin. My tongue sliding over her taut stomach.

It wasn't until I tasted her core that I realized what we were doing and that I didn't want to stop. And that she didn't want me to.

Then our bodies merged. Floating. Drifting. Wanting. Filling.

That's how I came to be here, like this.

End Chapter 1