~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 6~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Athena's POV~
Newly formed family quarters near the Blue Squadron launch bay were immediately available when we checked. A yahren after the Destruction there still weren't many warriors in a family way among the Galactica crew. Now, three sectars after our first discussion about our impending parenthood Starbuck was insisting that we move in before my condition became undeniably obvious. I wasn't sure about his reasoning, but I was going along with him.
"I'm not arguing with you, Starbuck. I'm just...nervous," I explained. I was feeling overwhelmed as we stood in the empty chambers that we were planning to call home. I had come around to agree with the notion that living together would make things easier for us and better for our child. I had also come to believe that Starbuck was serious about our building a relationship between us. This, though, was a big step however much we were already doing things out of order. But, truthfully, I longed to be with Starbuck as much as I ever had and I found it hard to resist.
"About what?" he asked, putting his arms around my thickening waist.
"About everything. The gossip, the stares, us." I shrugged as he used his hand to press my head to rest on his strong shoulder.
"Has nothing I've done over the past few sectars convinced you that I want us to be together?" Starbuck asked.
"It's not that," I protested and then gave in. "Not completely."
"Dammit, Athena. I don't know what else to do!" Starbuck angrily pushed me away. "Haven't I been attentive? Faithful? What more do you want?"
"You can start by not doing what you just did." I put my hand on his arm, stopping his agitated pacing.
"What?" he asked.
"If this is going to work you have to not pull away whenever I express my feelings. I'm admitting I'm scared of this step. Aren't you?" I asked.
Starbuck let out a breath and finally looked at me, in his eyes I could see the mirrored fear.
"This has nothing to do with how much attention you're paying me. Or how faithful you've been. I appreciate all that, I really do, but this is never going to work if we can't communicate with each other," I said.
"What does that mean?" he asked, without rancor or accusation.
"For better or worse this," I pointed to my stomach, "binds us for the rest of our lives. It's pretty terrifying!" I laughed. "It's about time we admitted it to each other."
Starbuck nodded, a wry grin on his face.
"This doesn't mean that we have to be joined at the hip all the time. That's what I'm most afraid of. If we're going to be living together, we need to tell each other when we need space, without fear of retribution," I put my hands on his cheeks. My mother once told me that if you love something, set it free. It was about time I began to listen to her advice, seeing as I was going to be a mother myself and had hopes of my kid listening to me. Even a little bit.
"So, I can go play pyramid next cycle?" he asked.
"Yes, go play." I laughed and rested my forehead against his. "Sometimes this is so tiring, this being adult."
"I know," his hands slid around my waist and pulled me against him. "I'm not sure we're meant for it."
"Well, we'd better be or this kid is gonna be even more screwed up than either one of us." I put my arms around his neck.
"It'll be the best of both of us, I promise." Starbuck kissed my forehead. "Now, you still owe me a kiss."
"I do not." I shook my head.
"I'm sure you do and make it a good one."
His breath tickled my lips. He wanted it good. I made it good. Breathless, Starbuck was the first to pull back. My eyes were at half mast as I took in, with a great deal of satisfaction, the light glinting off of Starbuck's moist lips.
"So, when I'm not out playing pyramid and you're not out planning Apollo and Sheba's sealing we get to do this?" he rasped.
"That's part of the deal." I pulled away with a laugh.
"I think I might like this living together," he growled and spun me around.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing? I mean, living with Starbuck?" Dietra asked. The doubt inherent in her question was echoed in the faces of my other friends sitting in my newly furnished quarters.
"He's been pretty faithful over the past few sectars, ever since Cassi threw him over, as far as I know," Brie looked to see if anyone had contradictory evidence.
The other women shook their heads.
"I have more news," I said into the anxious silence.
"Like...?" Sheba prompted, already knowing what was to come.
"I'm pregnant," I said.
"That explains why you stopped flying," Dietra said, referring to the rule that banned pregnant women from active warrior duty. "Starbuck's I presume."
"Does he know?" Brie asked.
"Of course he knows, right?" Dietra looked at me closely.
"That also explains the weight gain," Brie said half to herself.
"Brie," Sheba scolded. "She looks wonderful."
"Now that I know she's pregnant. Besides, she should have told us before," Brie pointed at me accusingly.
"Did this happen before or after Cassi and Biehn got sealed?" Dietra asked.
"Before, after Bojay died," I said. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I...I didn't know how this was going to all turn out. We needed time to adjust."
"Wow!. You both got pretty lucky that Cassi and Biehn fell in love," Brie said, quite accurately.
"Is Starbuck happy about the baby?" Dietra asked.
"I...I'm not sure," I looked down at my hands. I didn't know how much to trust his behavior. He was an honorable man and wouldn't abandon me, but was he happy about having a baby after having sworn not to do that until we found Earth? Was he happy about it being me?
"Athena, he's thrilled!" Sheba protested.
"Yes, he's happy about having a kid to teach to fly and gamble. I think he even feels good that he'll go on in a child. As for the rest, it being me, I really don't know," I said with a tinge of sadness.
"I think you're being blind," Sheba said.
"Has he proposed?" Brie asked.
"He did, Athena refused him," Sheba said.
"You refused him! Starbuck proposed and you said no?!" Brie's eyes widened in shock.
"Sealing is a lifetime commitment, it shouldn't be forced," I said.
"But it's Starbuck, landing him would be a..." Brie's eyes were wide.
"Brie," Sheba glared at the blond.
"I won't seal to him just because we share a child. There has to be more," like love, I finished in my head, but the words were echoing throughout the empty room anyway.
"And you shouldn't," Dietra put her arm around me in support.
I appreciated the support, but inside I was wondering, much like Brie, why I hadn't jumped at the chance. Why I wasn't happier.
Once the girls had left I decided it was the perfect time to get used to the new quarters. Starbuck, I knew, would spend the cycle in the barracks after cleaning out his squadron mates of their wages. This cycle I was going to spend my sleep cycle here, alone, in this place that I would likely live for some time, raising my child, with or without Starbuck.
Living with Starbuck.
Ignoring the niggling of my practical side that asked "for how long," a large smile spread across my face at the thought.
I would be sharing this space with Starbuck. Lieutenant Starbuck. Heck, I'm sharing this, I put my hands on my slightly protruding middle, space with his progeny. If you had asked me over a yahren and a half ago, I would have said that we would get to this point and would have predicted it would take a few yahrens and a lot of work. This was definitely not what I had been envisioning. And that was the crux of my decision to reject Starbuck's obligatory proposal. I wanted Starbuck to want me, to love me, not feel obligated to be with me.
I knew that I was holding onto the distinction too dearly and causing my own distress, as well as tense discussions like the one Starbuck and I had shared here in our new home earlier that day.
Enough of that, I vowed! From here on in I would take each cycle as it came. I would, as Sheba advised, let Starbuck's actions speak louder than his words. This was a new life, in me and between us and I had to give it a chance. If not for our sakes, then for the sake of our child.
To be fair to Starbuck, he had been nothing if not true to his word over the past sectars. He was courting me, much as he had when I had first come aboard the Galactica. This time without the added bonus of other women, which given the gossip network on this ship I figured I would know. All of the gossip I heard centering on Starbuck was the swirling speculation around his break up with Cassi, her precipitous sealing ‑ along with speculation of her gestational state ‑ and his renewed attentions to me. As far as I knew, when he wasn't on patrols with Sheba or otherwise on duty, he was by my side. He had even snuck into a couple of my pre‑natal examinations in the Life Center, visits happily orchestrated by Cassi who also knew our secret.
Well, from the look of me in the reflector and Brie's words, it wasn't going to be a secret for long. I had tried to ignore it, but my uniforms were fitting too snugly for comfort. It was time for me to order natal‑sized uniforms, though I had hoped that news wouldn't be so close on the heels of the news of our new living arrangements.
"Perhaps it's best to get everything over with at once," I said into the empty room.
I wondered how Starbuck was going to take to this new change. "Oh please, he'll probably be thrilled," I thought to myself and rolled my eyes as I straightened the blanket on the bed that filled almost the entire bed chamber in our new quarters. Any new development in my pregnancy was like exploring a new region of space for him, he feigned disinterest, made a few jokes, but underneath he was like a kid getting a new toy. I figured a change in clothing was bound to amuse him.
Looking at the bed I couldn't help but wonder about sleeping arrangements. Despite sectars of serious courting he hadn't even made a half‑hearted attempt to sleep with me. Until the baby was born he could sleep in the other room, though I hadn't ordered another bed for that room.
I sat down heavily on the bed. Was this part of his new courting style? Was it a lack of desire? Was it because of my condition? Did my growing form disgust him? Looking down that the floor I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I guess I would find out soon enough.
I'm in the woods, but it's no copse that I've ever seen before. The air is so crisp and fresh. Life surrounds me, though I can't see any of the birds or animals that I know are going about their lives as if I were not here.
I look up and revel in the warmth of the single sun. It's shining through the leaves and branches, weaving rainbows on the ground. Splashing color on my pure white gown.
I feel a cool breeze tingle over my bare arms and back as I step over the trunk of trees and fallen branches. Smaller fauna and flora carpet the way as I step through in my bare feet. My stomach is heavy with child now, but it does not impede my progress.
I know I have never been here before, but I sense that I know where I am going, what I am seeking. I run a loving hand over my welcome burden, feeling a contentedness spread through me, deepening my smile of enjoyment of this summer's day.
As I pass I pick a few white flowers off a trailing bush and begin to weave their stems together after inhaling their delicate scent. So much more beautiful than the synthetic scents created in the fleet.
"I have to agree, though I've not experienced them myself. Things that are natural are often more fulfilling than the unnatural."
"Zac," I looked up, without any surprise. Though I could not identify where I was headed, or to whom, I somehow knew.
"You're looking beautiful, Sis," he said.
"I'm not quite this large yet," I scolded, without rancor. "Is this what it will feel like?"
"I doubt in your world you'll feel so light on your feet once you reach that size," Zac snorted.
"I could always hope. What cryptic message do you have for me this time?" I asked.
"Same old, same old, I'm afraid," he spread his hands out in a gesture of innocence.
"Choices. Are there really any more choices to make? I thought things had worked out rather smoothly, considering," I said.
"Not by a long shot. You haven't gotten to the point where the choice I'm talking about needs to be made," he shook his head. "Well, it could be, but you're both so stubborn."
"You're kidding," I threw my head back and sighed, enjoying the tickle of the pollen‑laden air in my nose. "You're not suggesting..."
"No, I'm not saying you should have accepted Starbuck's proposal. It was characteristically noble, as much as he might protest he's of the contrary nature, but it wasn't made with his whole heart. The time hasn't come yet for the choice, for both of your choices," he said, touching my arm lightly.
"Oh, Zac," I threw myself, as much as I could with my bulk, into his embrace. His arms closed around, holding me tightly. It was a safe and much‑missed embrace.
Suddenly, there was a noise. Almost like...a boot being dropped.
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath.
Darkness. Recycled air. Dream.
My eyes adjusted and in the darkness I made out the not‑so‑stealthy figure of Starbuck undressing by the other side of the bed. My lips curved into a delicious grin as I let him continue to believe I was asleep and let myself enjoy the show. When he was down to his briefs and had lifted the blanket up to slip inside I spoke.
"I assumed you would be sleeping it off in the barracks," I said.
He was only slightly startled as he looked over at me as he continued to slide under towards me. "I have patrol in a couple of cycles, I didn't imbibe, too much."
I didn't even dignify that with an answer.
"Shouldn't there be more fanfare for our first sleep cycle together," I said as he settled on his back next to me.
"Tada! So, what are you wearing," he looked over and leered.
I loved how he could make me laugh even through my nerves.
"That's for me to know, and you..." I let the sentence dangle.
"Oh yeah," he took up the gauntlet and rolled to his side and slid his hand under the blanket towards me. "Soft. Smooth. Oh, wait, that's your skin. Doesn't seem to be much material. Bare arms. Aw, that's covered," he narrated as he ran his hand over my body.
"Feels like a sleeveless sleep shirt," he said triumphantly as his hand rested on my bare knee. His mouth was centimeters from my forehead as he was bent at the waist. "Couldn't fit the pants over this bulge?" he accurately accused as he slid his hand under my shirt up to my stomach.
"And what of it," I tilted my chin up and looked into his eyes.
"Lucky me," he said as he stroked me seductively, low.
"Hmm," was all I said as the flames of desire began to lick inside me.
"I think I owe you a kiss since you set all this up without my help. And for letting me out this cycle, Mommy," he said.
"Mommy is not a seductive pet name!" I said, without any heat.
"Right now it is," he said as he moved to lean over me. "Believe me."
"Okay," I sighed as his lips moved down to hover over mine.
Please, please let him not stop this time.
My tongue moved insistently to meet his and I slid my hand into his hair. My other hand slid over his bare torso. I tasted the sweet, expensive ambrosa he had been drinking, feeling as intoxicated as if I had drank it myself.
Hot. Our kiss went on and on, more and more hungry. For the first time in sectars I could feel the desire unleashing from his body. What was tightly coiled, was suddenly washing over me in waves.
His hand slid under my bare thigh and lifted it around his hip before he rolled over onto his back. When he stopped I was straddling him, his desire pressing insistently on my wet, hot core. His fingers teased my waist as his tongue showed me what he wanted to do. He wasn't asking. He was going to take.
My shirt floated down to the floor as his mouth clamped onto my throbbing nipple. I arched back over him as his fingers rubbed my bottom. I couldn't stop my moans as he laved first one, then the other swollen nub.
Then his lips were on mine again as his fingers found my core. Hard and fast. I wanted something else. Before I could plead he was inside me and I was gripping him, both of us close to the edge.
Later, as I lay naked and sweaty in his arms I secretly laughed at my own fears.
"I've been wanting to do that for sectars. There was no way I was going to sleep beside you and not do that. I take it you don't mind?" he asked.
"Were you just being a gentleman all this time?" I looked down at him and asked.
"I was courting you," he said simply.
"I thought you didn't want me because I was getting too fat, and a hundred of other paranoid fears," I admitted with a relieved laugh as I rested my head on this sweaty chest.
"You know, you didn't used to be this insecure," he said.
"Are you kidding? Of course I was, I just didn't admit it," I played with the hairs on his chest.
"I guess that makes sense. And you are not fat, you are beautiful. And you'll still be beautiful when you are fat. And I'll still want you," he kissed the top of my head.
"You didn't used to be this...open," I hit on the word I was looking for.
"I guess we've both changed a lot over the past yahren," he said.
"Cassi is responsible for this," I said.
"Aw, come on Athena..." Starbuck tensed.
"I don't mean that in a bad way. She was mature enough to guide you, not push you like I always tried to do. I'm grateful to her for that. Honestly," I said.
"You were kind of immature," he said in a snooty tone.
"Looks who's talking," I tapped playfully on his chest. "Are you still, you know, hurting over her sealing to Biehn?"
Starbuck was silent for a few moments and I knew he was wondering how honest he should be with me. I didn't prompt him. Or push him.
"You know, most people don't mention their lovers ex‑girlfriends while they're in bed with someone else," he joked.
It wasn't exactly the deep response I had been looking for, but I liked the sound of "lovers."
"No, they probably don't," was all I said.
"You should get some sleep." Starbuck kissed the top of my head again.
"You too," I planted a kiss on his chin before settling in his embrace and lulling herself to sleep with the word "lovers" lingering in her mind. I had momentarily forgotten the dream Starbuck had interrupted as I luxuriated in this dream come true.
End Chapter 6