[Track 4]

Few months went by, yet Psyche continued to pester me. Everyday, I could hear him– sitting outside my door, waiting for a miracle that could never happen. He often brought breakfast for me, but I did not accept. Sometimes, he pleaded me to help on his homework. I continued to shut him, out of my own will. Not once had I taken a single step outside the room since that day. Although I felt hungry, I constantly lost my appetite, due to the sickening sentiment dwelt in my stomach. The guilt that remained did not help any further. All I wanted is Psyche to leave me alone, that wasn't so hard, was it? I couldn't see why he wanted to see me again. I could see why he would want to be with me. Now that I think about it, I probably would have done the same thing. Because that person didn't do anything wrong at all.

Thankfully, there were times when Psyche had to leave for school, giving me several moments to relish in peacefulness. Though, mother occasionally would come to my room. This went on since the beginning of the year. She brought me a tray of some food, and stayed to chat with me for a while. I felt happy. I felt extremely grateful– that mother remained to harbor her love for me. That time, I could only think of it as the only thing that kept my sanity. Her love for her own son. One day, I asked her; Mother. Why does father not like me anymore? Is it because I am a monster?

My eyes, they stung. Tears were in the corner of my eyes. I wondered, even till now, does he think I am a beast? His words, they were hurtful. The scene of father threatening me in a scary tone haunted me. That was the last time since we've talked. Finally, my tears fell. Tears of sadness and guilt. However, mother swept my tears away, as she tried to soothe me with her hushes. And she said– she said that father does love me. He loves both Psyche and I very much. But because one of his children almost died, he was traumatized. She told me I needed to give him more time. Few more days– or even weeks for him to forget the incident. But then, I asked her another question.

Mother. Do you think it's my fault?

My tone was shaky, I was afraid of her answer. What she told Psyche that day, it was all I could think of. I wanted- wait, no. I needed her to believe me. But mother did not say anything. She only pulled me in for a hug, her grip around me tightening by each second. Like she was afraid to lose me. This action alone answered my question. And so, I closed my eyes. Surprisingly, I didn't think about anything else that time, the unanswered question went unnoticed. The only thing that mattered to me was my mother. My mother; the one who gave life to me. The one who supported for me. The one who had defended for me.

The one who stayed there for me.

[End of fourth track.]

. Chapter Four .

After the heated encounter, Izaya had chosen the long track that led back home. For the reasons of; one, he felt the need to vent off his anger for few minutes; and two, as much as how he wanted to return home, he didn't mean that definition in home. Home, as in the people that takes care of you and cherishes you for who you are. They are the people that would be willing to accept you, never hesitating to show their affection nor how much they do care about you. And so, Izaya tried to recall the sensation; that warm sensation you receive when you return safely, arrived within the open arms of your family.

Now that was the part he had trouble with. Family. As much as how it displeases Izaya to admit, he didn't have any idea whether to consider them as his family. But. Family, home; weren't they the same thing? How about friends?

A kick was delivered to the piles of leaves obscuring his path, as Izaya continued to stride across the cemented pavement. Lifting his chin, his eyes wandered to the clouds. The view in the sky was rather breathtaking, if not for the fact that the sun had to gleam brighter than before. In some way, it did irritate the brunet. The rays were too bright, too bright that it could damage the human eyes. Once again, he stooped his gaze onto the ground, hands remained in his pockets as he began to fiddle with the blade in one of them.

Now, what should he do?

He halted on his journey for a moment. Allowing the thoughts to come to him, but most of them were related to the blond. No, not the Heiwajima. The other blond. The one that made an attempt to seek past Izaya's walls, and accomplished the mission successfully. However, he didn't quite get the idea. Shishizaki was a man who possessed intentions in every single thing he does. So, what did Shishizaki try to say? But most of all, why did it matter to him? Why did he bother with Izaya's emotions? Towards his supposed enemy?

The words came back to him once again, haunting his mind from all corners.

"Your eyes. They show sadness. Why is that, Izaya?"

"Why are you so sad?"

Did his eyes clearly shown his every single emotion?

Izaya didn't know whether he should be grateful or not. The senior had always been one to observe, that was the fact. Although, Izaya never did regard his own behavior would be taken into account. Could it be that Shishizaki does care for him? No, that wasn't possible. That doesn't even sound possible. If Shishizaki could tell how Izaya felt towards the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, then he would have not blatantly confront as simple as that. Instead, he might have done anything to haul the raven's attention away from the beast. So, if that's the case. Then what could the reason be?

Too much questions. There were too much questions needed to be solved. Thus, Izaya sighed in an exasperation, clearly frustrated at himself due to the state of his condition. Taking in a deep scent of the atmosphere, he resumed his way back home. In hopes of nothing worse, but a good thing would happen.

Oh, but who was he kidding? He shouldn't be acting like this! Not at all. He was the Orihara Izaya. Orihara Izaya does not weep. Orihara Izaya does not let his guard down. Orihara Izaya, one that claims to love the entirety of human race and shower them under his affection. In truth is, he wanted the world to know his pain. Indeed, the mask or rather a barrier he had put up became a part of him, a part of his daily life. The thought of loving his humans only came to him that one night. The night where every thing changed.

.

Click!

The door behind him closed with a lock, a lingering hand palmed against the wooden frame. Izaya stayed that way, but only for a short while. Soon, he turned to climb his way upstairs, making for a beeline towards his room. There were sounds of channels flicking from the living room, accompanied by few mutters and a laughter. It came to him as a hindrance at first, and thankfully, he managed to tune out the merry resonance. He knew what his family were doing, they were spending a quality time together, by watching a show or even a favorite movie of his.

Unknowingly, he already had a tear leaked from one of his eyes. It went unnoticed to him, because as soon as he had entered his room and slammed it with a shut– a sudden pair of arms embraced him from behind.

It definitely did come to him as a surprise, as a gasp emitted from him. However, Izaya possessed a divine reflex, all thanks to his practice at being a parkor master. Instantly, he tore himself from the grip by holding onto the wrists, unceremoniously swerved underneath the limbs and out of the trap, somehow slightly twisted the culprit's arms to prevent him from moving away. Although, whom he saw was not expected; in fact, it made all the reminders from the past rush to him in one go.

"Psyche?" His tone was cracked, and he immediately released the other, taking few steps back with widened eyes.

On the other hand, Psyche was busy mourning. A grunt escaped when the other tried to soothe his arms, a pained expression worn. That didn't last for long, the adolescent had already replaced the sorrowful visage with a cheerful one. "Long time no see, Izaya." No more casualties, only the first initial was used. It made Izaya cringed, face distorted at the unfamiliar name. After all, he was used to being called as big brother. At the meantime, he couldn't believe it was actually happening. He couldn't believe his younger brother is right there, right in front of him and pretended like nothing happened between them. But why? Why was he here? Or was this a mere hallucination? If so, could it be he finally went mad?

"I know. It's hard to believe, isn't it? It's been long since we talk, while you constantly shut me out."

Wait. How did he? Izaya shrugged off the thoughts, lips formed a perfectly firm line. Despite the fact that his circulation went vivid, mostly due to an unexpected meeting, his face remained void of emotion. Now is not the time to mess around. No sooner than later, he began to speak, "Psyche. How did you get into my room?"

"You've been shutting me out a lot, Iza-nii. I came here to seek for your answer, I want to know why you've been shutting me out."
"That's not the answer I'm looking for."

The brunet's grin stooped to one of a frown, a little hurt at the tone used by Izaya. This was noted by the elder one, whom maintained a mask filled of emptiness, filled of such uncaring countenance. Silence fell, both of them engaged in a heated gaze, none of them dared to break the eye contact nor the heavy ice that hung upon them. They hovered there, allowing their souls to pitifully scream at each other after a long time absence of their reunion.

— "Why?"

Psyche appeared to perk his ears up at the sudden question, orbs illuminated in a shade of fear as soon as he realized the question was directed to him. "Why do you keep coming back? No matter how many times I discarded you. Why do you still come back? Didn't mom warned you?" The eldest had questioned him continuously in a monotone. Therefore, it was given off more like a threat. Like some sort of warning given if Psyche comes to bother him again. But that didn't matter now, Izaya needed the adolescent out of his sight. He has to be out of his sight before his parents knew he was here to begin with. "Didn't dad tell you that I'm a monster?"

Once again, silence served as the answers to his questions. Of course, the younger one often tried to reply, yet his voice caught hang up most of the time, only the first vowels or syllables were made. So, there wasn't any valid reason as it seems. Izaya allowed the guilt to wash over him again, a loud sigh purposefuly being set free from its confinement as he closed his eyes. He needed to do this. He has to.

"Get out."
"A-ah?"

"Get out." Lids were unfold, revealing russet orbs obscured by a tinge of anger that flashed. No, it isn't supposedly to be directed at the younger brunet but frustration was gradually settling in. By the time Izaya caught a glimpse of dejected on Psyche's face, he felt distressed. But what must be done has to be done, right? He knew the other could be traumatized for now, and so, Izaya did one thing. Force.

He made a grip for the other's arm, forcibly pulling at him away as he reached for the door. The other did not make any moves to escape his grip, which made things a whole lot easier. Turning on the handle, he discharged the exit from its fastened position, hauling the other brunet forwards before releasing his grip. It was viewed as an accidental move, due to the fact that as soon as he released the grip, Psyche went tumbling down onto the ground, landing on all his fours.

For now, he would not care, there is always another time to weep about it. So Izaya said four or five things, a statement that he never dared to use when he was a kid. "Don't come back ever again."

SLAM!

The slam echoed throughout the room. Although, to Izaya, it was repeatedly heard over and over. As if a sentimental part of him had shattered. He lurched forward, exerting a pressure from his forehead onto the door as it made a small thud. His breath ragged, and his heart raced hurriedly than before. Sick, he felt so sick. The loud thumps of his heartbeat in his head . Changing his course, Izaya leaned his back against the frame, sliding down to the cold tiles with a hand placed over his heart– as he tried to calm himself down.

.

That night, he laid on his bed, eyes stained on the ceiling before him. The ceiling was a bit too childish, with few stickers glued and glow in the night. But he never did think of removing them. Although his room may be in need of customization, despite of its neat organization. Perhaps he should try and apply himself for a work. But for now, he needed a rest. After a long day and the events that happened today, his barriers were almost knocked over. He needed to be careful more next time.

That night, he began to hum to himself. Collecting the fragrance of a lullaby from the past, as he murmured its melody.

And as he continued to hum, his eyes gave away slowly, slowly succumbing to darkness. The stars being the last thing he's seen before he finally slept.

Sleep my child,
and peace attend thee.
All through the night;
Guardian angels God will lend thee,
All through the night.
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber steeping,
I, my loving vigil keeping,

All through the night.

Author's note: Tried to keep this longer than before. But I failed. orz A little shout-out for crimsonfire3 since her constant reviews were one of those that kept me going. Thank you, dear!

For a little note, the first few chapters will be re-written soon. Plot stays the same however. And be prepared, everyone! There will be eventual twists around the corner. Not in the near future, but do prepare yourselves. c;