Oh, I forgot to mention. Izaya decided to take a break from school since the beginning of that year. It was supposed to be mentioned in the previous chapter but I forgot, derp. His break would last only for about three months. Which means his school resumes in April.

[Track 5]

I remembered that day. It was the day when Psyche and I turned eight together. That night, our parents decided to have a celebration at our house, and Psyche had been told to bring his friends. My presence wasn't much welcomed, at least, that's what I thought until I was invited by my mother. I hesitated at first. I didn't know whether I should go or not but in the end, I convinced her I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go. Yes. It's an incredibly incredulous notion, I know. You've probably thought that somewhere deep inside my heart, beneath the blue ocean– I longed to go, didn't you?

Guess what? You're on the right track, buddy! Although I did have a feeling that father wouldn't want me there. That could be enlisted as another reason why I didn't want to go. Remember when mother told me to give him more time? Few more weeks passed, yet father still couldn't get over the incident. Which mother thought it was ridiculous, and I agreed with her at one point. Then again, I could see the reason why. After all, whose caring parents lets their children go near someone who nearly killed them? Let alone that person is one of their children as well?

Well, I wouldn't say I nearly killed him.

Why would I want to kill him?

I bet Psyche did that to himself.

... Okay. These bad thoughts are settling in quicker than I thought. Envy, I suppose.

There were times I wished to be like him. Psyche was cherished for all his life, he was often the one who got the most attention from our parents– or should I say, father? Father was proud of him. At some point. Psyche wasn't exactly a bright student, but his enthusiasm makes up for it. No matter where he goes, the bubbly, happy, out-going persona of his radiated like the golden rays of sun, affecting the moods of everyone around him. It could even easily turn the sour state of mind to a 180 degree. In other words, he's viewed as the light to every darkness.

When I kicked him out of my room at our second encounter, I couldn't help but wonder. Did he feel sad? Sympathetic? What happened back then? Honestly, I felt curious but I didn't want to know. Well, back to the story. It started when I crept out of my room... Actually, I'm not really in the mood to tell you about the whole story so eh, if anyone happens to listen to this. You can always ask Psyche. He was there. Then again, no one's probably listening to this. [chuckles] Of course, it had to be expected.

... It just... had to be expected.

[End of fifth track.]

.Chapter Five.

The following day didn't turn out well for our young protagonist, even the next few days after that. Since the catastrophic incident in his room back then, Izaya didn't have the guts to face his family; for he feared they'd gaze down upon him. Not that they haven't yet– he merely didn't want to make it worse than the treatment he's already gotten. Every now and then, he would often leave for school in advance by departing from the house, as the sun had only begin to rise from its peak at the horizon. Once school ended, he would then linger in the outdoors and refrain his self from returning back home early.

Today wasn't any different. After roaming through his daily checklist, Izaya left with the door clicked shut and silently made his way down to school. The sun has yet to emerge, but the once dark sky painted of a lighter shade and that held no other meaning than the sun's approach. A sigh escaped from parted carmine lips, glazed russet orbs veiled by closed lids as the brunet took his time at a leisure pace. What to do to kill time? He knew the school gates wouldn't be open at this time. The thought of waiting for them to be open deemed to be excruciatingly boring for his own taste. And so, he decided to head towards one particular destination.

That destination happened to be a park. Oh, it wasn't any park. It was the park where he and Psyche used to play together. Smiling sadly, Izaya approached one of the swings. Taking a grip on the cords, he seated himself on the plank, a gentle breeze of cold air struck against his face no sooner than later. Only then as Izaya took in a deep breath, he became conscious of his damped cheeks. Damped cheeks? But why? He brought up a hand, having one or two caresses only to swipe away moisten remnants, and came to his senses that he had been crying.

How funny, he chuckled to himself. How does one even cry without any recognition? Uncanny as it seems, no one said it was impossible.

Izaya leaned his head against the metal ropes, the tears kept leaking no matter how many times he tried to stop. The process went on till he finally gave up, and since there was no one else in the park; at least not at this time, he didn't have to be concern about it. With a weak kick off the ground, he began to swing by himself. Keeping in mind that he, Izaya, was a mere one man army whose opponent turned out to be the world itself. A battle between him against the world. That does sound thrilling, doesn't it?

"In the end, I'll win anyway," Eyes closed and all movements were halted momentarily. "I win, they lose. And humans can't beat gods. They can never win against them. That's how it always goes. Each person shall tremble in fear before them. Only monsters were brave enough to face them. Therefore... Therefore, I'm a god... Then, that would mean Shizu-chan is a monster.."

A dry chuckle tormented through the empty playground. Fortunately, there weren't anyone. Izaya knew he could end up in an asylum if he kept talking garbage but who is one to talk when he had always received perfect grades? The student who always got the 1st place in every competition he had participated? The student who has met every expectations of every teachers and parents? The young man continued to laugh, twirling his self around on the swing. "Right?"

"Right."

.

Izaya remained standing in front of the school gates, contemplating whether or not should he enter. He didn't want to face few certain people, especially that stupid brute whom he happened to fall in love with. But Izaya wasn't one to admit things so openly. For several years, his opinion on love distorted; and to love, quoted the teenager himself, they have to share their equal pain together. The pain of having to suffer the other's experience. And as one who claimed to love humans; is that the reason to why he made them go through several tests? Could that be why he never stop taunting the fortissimo of Ikebukuro?

The adolescent had only found it quite fascinating at witnessing how long his humans could hold onto themselves. Their various expressions shown through a crack in their mask.

They were way below him, he reminded himself, taking one reluctant step through the gates. They couldn't even put up one of a good fight. Heck, their logic was so simple-minded as their brains. Excluding Shishizaki, that barbaric senior of his. Izaya couldn't help but wished they were dead, all those who made him suffer- maybe then, his plans wouldn't be thwarted. Maybe then, he wouldn't even have to suffer. Until then, Izaya continued avoiding them like a plague.

He couldn't help but be anxious. 'Did Psyche tell them?' These words continuously rang in his mind as Izaya roamed through the school. Honestly, he'd be in deep trouble if Psyche told them. But he won't be surprised if Shizuo or anyone else is pissed, currently stomping their way to school to find him and end his very life. Oh well, at least tomorrow was Saturday, the last day of school for the week. The chemistry tests results will be out by tomorrow. Hopefully, he'll be alive to receive the results by then.

"I—zaya-kun!"

'Well, if it isn't the hopeless, idiotic Shinra.' Izaya mused, watching as Shinra waved at him frantically from the corner of his eyes. It's been long since they've talked. Mostly due to either Izaya had been ignoring him, or whenever Psyche was around. Although the second option seems more like it. Izaya rarely turned Shinra away from him, but that didn't mean the same thing when it goes around. You see, Shinra liked to talk to Psyche since middle school. He even treated him like his own child and supported for him when the pink-eyed raven entered a singing competition last time. He won the 1st place in the end, just as expected and everyone grew proud of him. Another kind of thing Izaya didn't have.

"Ah, Shinra. Did something happen?"

"I heard."

"Hm? Heard of what, Shinra?" Izaya jerked his head upwards, immediately glancing over to Shinra beside him. At first, his face showed astonishment only to be then replaced by his holier-than-thou smile. It may be too late since his mask had already slipped for a short moment.

"Between Psyche and you." Shinra crossed his arms, "He only told us yesterday. And Shizuo was- wait, no- Shizuo is mad. He said he's going to look for you tomorrow since Psyche only told us after school." His words held no playful tone but a stern one as he spoke the finishing touches. "Oh." Simply said Izaya, shrugging his shoulders. If a broken heart could be heard, then the whole world would hear a sound of a huge earthquake crack. Instead, it was chosen to be concealed. Secrets were meant to be concealed therefore, it was natural to let them have no profound knowledge.

"What's it to you? Going to defend Psyche instead of me now, I see?"

"W-what? Well, according to Psyche, he didn't do anything! But he did say that you were the one who threw him outside.." Shinra muttered the last part distinctively, unsure how he would face the proceeding situations. Izaya, on the other hand, was not amused. But it was the truth. He was the one who threw him outside so why was he mad? Don't take it wrong. He wasn't mad at Psyche. He wasn't mad at Shinra. He was mad at himself. He had every reason to.

Nevertheless, it remained quite a mystery, at least to Shinra. Though he was used to seeing Izaya smiling a lot but today, and right at this very moment, it didn't seem like Izaya was actually smiling. There was an aura seeping from him. Also, note taken; a smiling Izaya can be a dangerous Izaya. Enough said. The smile did not waver even as both students walked their way to class together, and it was beginning to creep him out. Biology was their first period, and Shinra could only hope Izaya would not show his nasty side soon. Because, well. One thing for sure, it was certainly not a pleasant experience.

Entering their room, they seated themselves next to each other. Izaya casually leaning back on his chair as Shinra began to chat away.

"I got 99% on Biology yesterday! Can you believe it? I really did improve!"

"Of course. Doctors are supposed to improve."

"How about you? How much you got?"

"Don't even give me that look, Shinra. And no, I didn't get lower than you. I got 100. Another perfect score~"

"... Did you have to shove that in my face. Wow. I hate you."

"I love you too, my dear human."

.

During break, the crimson-eyed teenager didn't turn up at the rooftop for lunch nor anywhere else. Izaya thought it'd be best to stay away from them now. Shizuo was mad. Izaya knew because there was a loud, sudden piercing cry of battle that rumbled through the school. A cry that was calling out his name. In the end, he successfully managed to avoid the enraged blond and stay put out of his sight. Adrenaline pumped through his veins when he noticed that Shizuo would not be giving up soon.

The stupid brute continued to search for him literally everywhere and through the day. Literally. Because as Izaya climbed down the stairs for his next class, he halted; capturing the sight of Shizuo picking up the top lid of a trashbin and look inside, calling out for him once again. Right there, he almost blew his cover by laughing at his idiocy. Seriously, who in the right mind would even hide in a place filled of trash? The sound of his laughter came to the ears of the fake blond but it was already too late. Izaya had already fled away, using the other stairs to arrive at his next class. Through the day because Shizuo had barged into almost every room, no matter if the class had lessons ongoing or not.

Few hours came by. Maths was the last period for Izaya today.

And so far, no Shizuo.

Which was good.

The teacher continued explaining about the trigonometrical section on their revision papers. Izaya focused his attention on the papers before him before shrugging, knowing that he did not need to worry about this. It was only revision for next week's test, and that said, the paper settled on the table wasn't as complicated as it seemed. Quite like a piece of cake. Coming from the perfect student, himself. He decided to tune out, his state of mind almost slipped away into his imaginary world.

The world where everything was perfect. Where he has his loving family and friends, and a perfect lover with blooming memories to hold on. The world where everyone has taken a liking to him. The world where he is understood perfectly.

Only then, the bell decided to ring. The teacher bundled up her books, bidding the class with a goodbye before leaving the classroom. Finally, it was time to go home! Everyone was in glee! Actually, scratch that out. All except for our crimson-eyed raven were happy. Chairs screeched as they were pushed underneath their desk, the students rolling out of the room one by one. Disheartened, Izaya promptly shoved his case into the bag and sling it over his shoulders.

He cringed, quite thankful that Shizuo didn't get the chance to find him. Or else, they'll spring off into another cat-and-dog chase of theirs which Izaya surprisingly didn't find a mood for it. Looking at the clock, he read as it displayed 12:28pm. There's still more time. But what to do kill time? There is no way would he venture into a park. Then a thought struck him. He should probably come out of his shell and let Shizuo chase him through the town. Yeah, he'll do just that. Maybe then, he thought to himself, he'll be able to tell Shizuo about everything. And his feelings.

Then again, the blond was a hardhead. Izaya doubted he would believe in anything he had said. Shaking his head, he allowed a sincere smirk grace his features. A sudden idea that came into his mind. It's risky, but worth it.

Time for the cat to get back in the chase.

But s soon as he exited from his room, there was a sudden swoosh of wind, and BANG! A drinking fountain was tossed and crashed onto the tiled pavement, missing its target by only few inches. Down the hall, Izaya heard a familiar cry. A cry that was so often used ever since their first meeting. He turned, noticing a fuming Shizuo making his way towards him.

"YOU FUCKING FLEA!"

And oh boy, was he mad.

"Language, language, Shizu-chan! You'll never know if there are kids in here! Wait, actually, you are one. Haha! Ja ne~!"
"What did you fucking say?!"

But Izaya had already ran away, Shizuo running after him and grew hot on the tail of the snickering raven.

.

"Get your ass back here, we're not done yet!"

"Catch me if you can~!"

.

And so, the chase begins.

.

What happened that night...

A young boy decided to take a peek. Just one peek, and only one peek on the current scenario that's occurring down by the stairs. Silently, he crouched as he arrived by the balcony, holding onto wooden rails tightly as he sat, huddling closer to it. There were joyful laughter echoing through the house, scrapings of spoonware against plates could also be heard at the meantime. Without any reasons known, it pained him. He knew that he should have accepted the invitation but he didn't have the courage to go in and face everyone. He just couldn't do it.

For few more minutes, he sat there and observed each and every passer-by's facial expressions. They were happy. Even without him, they were happy. He wondered, did they searched for him this early evening? Or did they not notice of his absence in the house? ... Perhaps they knew about the incident? The thoughts came in as a bombardment, continuously rolling by like the clouds that drifted through the sky. Finally having enough, Izaya released his grip on the railings and got up from his position.

Time to go back to his room.

Each step he took was shaky. At the meantime, the boy kept reminding himself that he was strong. And he knew he was. If the others believed he was a monster like how his father had thought, then that didn't matter. They didn't matter. What matters is that as long as mother was still there; there by his side. He knew she loves him as much as he loves her to the moon and back. But how about Psyche? For once, the raven felt like he was not the one who had suffered. Perhaps... Perhaps Psyche had faith in him and by that, he was only trying to make it up to him. Only to end up being pushed away.

When Izaya finally returned to his room, he didn't expect a surprise. Never did he once think about having a surprise in his own room, and that surprise alone appeared to be deadly because in front him was none other than– Psyche. A kitchen knife held in his grip with a wide smile adorning his pastel features.

"Surprise, Iza-nii!"

But the greeting didn't concern the crimson-eyed adolescent at all. His attention had already fell onto the blade long ago, and the fact that it was right in his beloved brother's grasp, it made him panic. It was out of instincts, he swore as he stomped towards the other and immediately snatched the blade away by force, holding it out of put just when the younger one instantly tried to reach for it. "Gah, Iza-nii! Give back!" Psyche cried out in desperate plea, but Izaya refused to give in. Not when it was a knife.

"No! Why do you have a knife?!"

"I had a reason!" The older had quirked an eyebrow in response. Reason? What reason did his younger twin had with a knife? Izaya calmly waited for the answer, the knife still placed out of the other's reach. After a moment of few more resistance, Psyche finally slumped his shoulders in defeat and staggered backwards, a pout forming on his puckered lips. "I... I just wanted you to cut the cake with me."

Izaya stared at the other in confusion. "What?" He has got to be kidding. Cut the cake with him? Is that the only reason why Psyche was here? He knew the other wasn't smart. But never once Izaya thought Psyche would bring a knife when all he could do is confront him to go downstairs and cut the cake. For some sort of a reason, it felt more like he was threatened. "Was it really necessary to bring the knife?" asked Izaya, an eyebrow remained arching. "Yes." That was the only response to his question.

"Now give back! Please!"

"No, Psyche—" In a flash, the door opened in one wide gap, catching both of the youngsters by surprise as their attention went divided.

There, their parents held their shocked expressions at the scene, loud utter of gasps heard. But why? Why did they seem so surprise? Are they doing something wrong? Izaya felt a pang of fear hit him when he saw his father's face contorted to a grimace. When said man barged into the room with a couple of steps, Izaya couldn't help but back away. No sooner than later, the knife has been knocked out of his grip; and within a matter of few seconds, he found himself being shoved onto the floor.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Izaya was completely taken aback by the sudden outburst, a whimper escaped his throat as he scrambled out of the way when his father went past him. His whole body ached, there was pain spreading through his rear. Scary, it was so scary. How can things happen so fast? Why was he pushed down? There were so, so many questions he wanted to ask. The pain was unbearable. Why, father? Why?

Hearing a yelp, he looked up to witness a heart-wrenching scene. His father had taken his twin by the arm, Psyche tried all ways to wriggle out of his firm grip before being forcibly dragged outside. Glazed crimson eyes trailed after them to the door, consideration taken when he noticed a familiar silhouette that stood by the frame. But he didn't need to voice out who it was. The silhouette belonged to no one else than his mother. His mother. Shoulders slumped, his heart taking a twist in the most painful way as their gazes meet. There were several emotions were displayed on her face, most of them which the raven could not comprehend. But there was sadness, pity, disbelief and...

Disappointment.

He wanted to call out; to tell her that he didn't do anything; that it was all simply a misunderstanding; and that he did not hurt Psyche. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. A huge lump was in his throat, preventing him from muttering any single syllable. After few moments or so, he watched as she took a hold on the knob of the door, their gaze still intact but this time, the tension became more noticeable. More unbearable. The door was near to being closed and at that very last moment, their eye contact broke off. The first one to break it was his mother. His own mother. Finally, the gap closed in, leaving only he and his presence alone in the darkness.

And so, he sat there, basking himself under the absence of light. A piece of his heart torn and crumpled to pieces like a paper, leaving only more empty spaces. He didn't make any attempt to hold back the sobs, but instead letting all griefs and sorrow come to him at once. Only one realization dawned upon the young raven as he cried to his heart's content.

His light is gone.

Author's note: So, I changed the title. And oh my god, for the first time, I had a writer's block. I didn't know what to write! D: But anyway, I'm currently having examinations. It ends on the 12th of June. Thank you to those who reviewed! Ahaha, and yes, my grammar suck. orz