Don't own anything except OC's.

Chapter 19: Time

Quil POV.

I was in imprint depression.

When Jake had described being away from Nessie like he did, and the few moments he managed to phase and I saw inside his head, I always thought I would never have to go through it. I thought Claire and I would be perfect and best friends forever. Claire and I were too close and loved each other too much for us to fall into imprint depression.

I was wrong.

When Claire had told me she didn't want me, I broke. The pain was as if someone had ripped me in two and then rubbed salt into the wound. The pain had forced me still, dropping Claire's arm and watching her in agony as she ran away from me. I thought I had felt imprint depression before and even that was bad, but this...this was torture. Everything in me hurt. I didn't want to talk, to eat, to bathe. All I wanted was Claire, and she hated me. I wanted to punch the walls and howl out in pain, but I didn't have the strength. I didn't care about anything anymore.

Imprinters said the worse pain in the world was when their imprints didn't want them. That was when true 'imprint depression' started. When imprints fight, sure, you feel horrible and guilty, but your imprint not wanting you...that was like someone stabbing you repeatedly through the heart and you just won't die, no matter how much you beg.

After two months of Claire avoiding me after finding out I was a wolf, I thought once we made up we would be good again. She had accepted I was a wolf, she had forgiven me for lying to her. I thought there was nothing else that could stand in our way. I didn't mention the imprint because I wanted to tell her when the time was right, maybe when we were together, if we ever did get together, and she would be happy about it. I didn't want to tell her before, what if she didn't want me but I told her and she felt obligated to be with me? Or I freaked her out and she ran away from me?

I should have told her. I should have taken the chance.

The day she ran away kept replaying through my mind (how could it not?), that she thought I was forced to be with her, that I didn't want her…how she could even think that baffled me. I wanted to tell her she was more than I ever wanted or imagined, that I thanked my lucky stars every day for giving me her as an imprint because Lord knows I didn't deserve her. I hurt her too much to deserve her. However, she had said she didn't want me, she wouldn't have said it if she hadn't meant it.

So I complied with her wishes. I stayed away from her, I didn't contact her, I tried to make it as if I had disappeared...which, admittedly, a part of me had when she left me. I tried to make myself distant so she could get on with her life and I could get on with mine, however, it was hard when Claire was my life. She was my light, how could I live without my sun to orbit?

A month passed until I was pretty much a walking zombie, the type of 'imprint depression' that had me thinking Jake was going to die, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Everyone was worried, Emily kept sending me food and the guys tried to get me to laugh or go out with them, but I didn't want to. Everything just seemed so pointless.

The front door opened and closed. I didn't even twitch. I didn't care who it was because I knew by the scent and imprint pull, it wasn't Claire. That was the only person I wanted to be around. When my bedroom door opened I blinked at the wall.

"Quil," Emily's soft voice murmured. She walked over and gently sat on the bed. "Quil, I brought you some pasta," she told me, her hand patting my leg.

"Mhmm," I mumbled my thanks.

"Quil, please, eat something, talk, bathe," she pleaded, grabbing my arm with her small hands. "She's hurting, too, Quil."

My teeth snapped together and I closed my eyes.

"Jasmine says she spends all of her time in bed crying and hardly eats anymore," Emily said. Her words stabbed me, leaving deep wounds that felt as though they were never going to heal. "She's so lost without you. You both are. I hate seeing you both hurting so much. Please, go after her, talk to her. Please, Quil?"

"I can't," my voice was dry and throaty from not speaking to anyone for a week. That was when I lost the energy to speak.

"Why? You need each other. You're imprints for heaven's sake! You're meant to be!"

"She doesn't want me."

"Of course she does. She said it out of anger, Quil. And even if she's not ready for anything serious or romantic, you need to be in each other's lives. Just be friends if that's all you can be."

"I—"

"No excuses, Quil. You're both ruining each other's lives ignoring the other like this. You need to make up and fast before one of you is hurt or your health is damaged."

She went home a minute later, leaving me to my thoughts. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to go and see Claire, to make up with her, to be her friend again. I didn't care if she didn't want me romantically, all I wanted was to speak to her once in a while, for her to be happy. If her happy meant not being with her or being best friends again, then I would have to be okay with that. All I wanted was some kind of communication with her, whether that be every day or once a month.

Two days later I went in the shower, the intent of going to see Claire, but lost my nerve. I was scared for her reaction or if seeing me would make her unhappy. I didn't want to upset her, and these days all I had to do was open my mouth and she was crying. I was the worst imprint in the world. A month, three days and twelve hours since she had left, Embry came into my room. I had little time to open my eyes before I was being dragged, by my ankles, across my bedroom floor.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I mumbled, too numb to fight back.

"We're going to Makah," he deadpanned without room for argument. "You're annoying everyone, and Emily won't stop bugging me. Jake gave me permission to do this."

I was almost thankful as he threw me into the back of his car. I didn't have the energy to drive myself anymore and I knew I needed to talk to Claire, though I didn't have the balls to go to Makah on my own. An hour later, I smelt her. Her sweet lilac and kiwi scent that I had missed an unfathomable amount. Embry dragged me into the house and up the stairs so fast, I had little time to wonder if Claire's parents were in the house.

Claire's bedroom was a hole of darkness. The curtains were closed and looked like they had not been opened for weeks, papers and files were scattered across the floor, and the bed was a lump of unmade cotton. Embry pushed me onto the bed and then ran out, turning on the light and slamming the door on his way out.

There was a small groan from the heap of the bed. My heart leapt to my throat as Claire started to move. "What's going on?" she muttered hazily.

I'd missed her voice.

I'd missed everything—her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her beauty, her personality.

"Quil?" she groaned as she came to terms with the new brightness of her room. Through half-open eyes, she stared at me like I was a ghost. "Is it really you?"

I nodded, gulping loudly. "Yeah."

"What are you doing here?" she murmured, rubbing her face with her hands.

"I—Embry brought me," I replied throatily. "I needed to come and see you—to explain."

"Explain what? That everyone in my life lied to me not once, but twice," she snapped. "I get that, thanks."

"Claire, listen, I didn't say it properly," I pleaded. "I didn't mean that it wasn't a choice and that I didn't want to imprint. If I could choose between my life before I met you and now, I'd instantly choose now. Claire…you're everything to me."

She blinked. "How can I be everything to you when you lie to me all the time?"

"Because—because I'm an idiot," I sighed.

Crossing her arms, she raised her eyebrows in a way that said 'you think?'. "I forgave you so easily for the wolf thing because you promised you wouldn't lie," Claire said. "But then you lied again," she sighed. "Not to mention the whole concept of imprinting is strange. I mean, how can you say that you really want me as an imprint? What if it's just you're wolfy instincts that make you think that?"

"It doesn't work like that," I answered strongly. "Imprinting is fate. Even if I hadn't been a wolf, we would have found each other eventually. Sure, I wouldn't have been around since you were three, but in the end, we would have come together. I want to be around you. You make me happy. An imprinter is just what the imprint wants him to be, a brother, a friend...something more. If the imprint isn't ready, then the connection of the imprint doesn't change. The connection is really in favour of the imprint."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I just do." I stated. "It's hard to explain from my point of view. I wish you could experience it yourself."

"You can't keep saying this kind of shit to me," Claire sighed, shaking her head almost disappointedly. "They sound like…like something from a movie, in a perfect world with sunshine and rainbows. But…you keep lying to me. I can't do it anymore, Quil. I can't keep giving you all of my trust and then have you throw it back in my face!"

"I know, I know," I gulped. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It doesn't help anyone."

"Sorry."

She glared at me and I gave a sheepish shrug.

"Uncle Sam and Aunt Em, have they imprinted?" she asked after a long pause.

"Yeah."

She bit her lip. "Jake and Ness, Seth and Aurora, Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel?"

I nodded to them all.

"Brady and Evelyn?" she whispered.

Again, I nodded.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. "Go home, Quil," she told me firmly. "I'm not ready to forgive you yet…I need more time."

Devastated, I dragged myself out of her bedroom, taking one last look at her before I left. She was laid back down in her bed, her cover pulled up to her chin as she gazed at the wall opposite her in deep thought. Fighting the overwhelming urge to go back and sit on the floor until she forgave me, I headed down the hallway.

"It's alright, man," Embry comforted, starting the engine as I got into the car. "She just needs time."

My throat tightened as we drove away from her house. Deep down, I knew that she wasn't going to accept my apologies. If the situation had been the other way around, I knew I would have found it hard to forgive. I suppose I was just depending on a dream; the dream that she would smile at me and hug me again. Contrary to popular belief, an imprint didn't mean instant happiness and it didn't mean that everything was perfect. Things were still complicated, we still had fights and disagreements, and nothing was set in stone. But most of all, we still made mistakes, which I had proven time and time again. If I could have done things differently, I would have. Claire would have known everything about me and the supernatural since the moment I imprinted on her, and all of this could have been avoided.

However, I had to accept that I couldn't change the past. I would have to live with these mistakes, and pray to God that Claire would eventually forgive me.

I really hoped Embry was right. Claire had said herself that she needed time.

But could time really heal all the wounds?

Thoughts?

Thanks for the reviews, favourites and alerts! They all mean so much!

So, I was wondering, when you read a story, do you like the author to provide pictures of characters and other things explained in the story? I put a few on Photobucket a couple of months ago, but the site keeps crashing my computer, so I've deleted my account. I have a lot that I make and that other people make for me, but I'm not sure if people really want them. Some people I talk to love pictures and love a story a lot more when they have a clear image in their mind, while others prefer to make things up themselves. If you were interested, I'd find another site to post the pictures on so you can see them or post the pictures on Photobucket on my computer instead of my laptop, but if you don't care, I'm not going to waste my time. So if you could put a simple "Yes" or "No" even if you don't like answering questions, I'd really appreciate it!

Thank you for understanding my month absence, and the kind words about Pippa. They really made me feel better :)

-Laylax