I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do the party scenes. I mean, it's just people standing around talking. So that's what I did. With added material of course.

I tried to remember the last time I'd actually partied as my guests entered my new apartment. Those who were seeing it for the first time gawking and trying to take it all in. I knew the feeling.

I'd ordered food and plenty of booze. I'd hoped it be enough, but if we needed to order more, EDI or Mordin could answer the door since they'd be the most coherent. I planned on getting royally shit faced.

Traynor, Liara, Tali, Garrus, Samara, and Mordin had made themselves at home in my kitchen. Tali was so kindly sitting on one of the counters.

"I can't get over the size of this apartment." Traynor gawked. "The electric bill alone could've paid for my college tuition."

Liara: "Or funded the war."

Garrus: "Or made a nice down payment on one of those Atlas mechs. Always wanted one."

Tali: "Or put an air-conditioner in this suit. You have no idea how hot it gets!"

Me: "You should have seen the bill for the Lazarus Project. THAT was a good chunk of credits."

Mordin: "Appears to have been worth it."

Me: "Only 'appears'?"

Garrus: "So Shepard, you can serve this swill, but can you drink it?"

I crossed my arms chuckling. "Watch me, Vakarian. I'm gana drink your pointy ass under the table"

Traynor fidgeted. "Are we sure the Normandy is still there? Has anyone else tried to steal it?"

Kasumi reviled herself just out of Tranyor's sight. "Stealing the Normandy. Now there's an idea." And she was gone again.

Traynor: "Wait. What? Who.."

"We can always." Tali hiccupped. "Get another Normandy. Call up." She hiccupped again. "Cerberus and ask them to pleeeease build us the SR-3."

Samara: "But wouldn't that require you to change your name? Tali'Zorah von Normandy SR-3?"

Tali: "It's 'vas Normandy'. Von means 'one who has a weak bladder' which feels appropriate right now."

"Unwise." Mordin swirled his drink. "Illusive Man not Shepard number 1 fan. More likely to shoot."

Me: "That's a great way to piss away money."

"We've seen a lot of good times on the old girl." Garrus nodded.

Traynor: "Some of you more than others. I'm just honored to have squeaked in. I must admit; I still feel like something of an outsider. You all have such a history with Shepard."

Garrus: "It's mostly a lot of running and shooting and usually, somewhere in there, a button needs pushing. But Shepard always hogs that part."

Me: "Can you even push buttons with your fingers?"

"Yes, a history of close calls, narrow escapes, and more near-death encounters than I care to remember." Liara raised her glass.

Mordin wrinkled his nose the best a salarian could.

Me: "Are you remembering that time I set that Blood Pack krogan on fire?"

Liara: "Which time? There's probably dozens."

Garrus: "I bet it was when we went to 'save' Maleon."

Tali: "I don't remember that being in the story I was told."

Garrus: "Shepard probably told you the boring version. What happened was this krogan from clan…"

Mordin: "Warlock."

Garrus: "Warlock was ranting about how the genophage was going to be cured and Shepard shoots this explosive canister. Warlock starts laughing at how lame Shepard is."

"Hey!" I protested.

"And Shepard shoots the canister again and kaboom! Warlock's on fire and starts flailing."

"Don't recall flailing." Mordin mumbled to himself.

Samara held up her glass. "Beautiful Shepard. I expect nothing less."

"Here, here." The others raised their glasses.

Me: "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."

"Working with Shepard reminded me of my younger days running with mercenaries, blowing things up with mercenaries, and occasionally sleeping with mercenaries." Samara looked a little wistful. "I sometimes miss my younger days. Centuries and centuries of carefree sex."

"And now we know something about Samara we didn't know a minute ago." Garrus sounded a little creeped out.

Listening to Samara talking about sex was like hearing your aunt telling you about her sex life. You knew it was there, she did have three daughters after all, but it was so far in the back of your mind, it's almost traumatizing when it's forced to the front.

"Not surprising." Mordin cut in. "Asari are a hyper sexual race. Rare for an asari that does not partake in carefree sex."

Liara wrinkled her nose. "I'm standing right here."

"There's still time." Tali told her. "You're only 100."

We laughed at Liara's expensive.

"Now that you've brought it up." Traynor said slowly. "That mind meld thing asari do, does that count as sex?"

"If it does." Tali lazily kicked her legs. "Shepard and Liara have done it at least 3 times and in front of us."

"Actually." Both Samara and Mordin started.

"No." Liara almost shouted.

"I think the mind thing has different levels of seriousness." I told Traynor. "Like I think what we did only counted as making out."

Liara: "Oh, Goddess."

"Really? I thought it was an intimate gesture." Garrus poured himself another drink. "Making out doesn't seem like one."

"By the goddess." Liara had her face in her hand.

Garrus, Tali, and Traynor shouted. "Drink!" And everyone but me took a drink.

"What was that?" I asked confused.

"A drinking game." Traynor explained. "Every time Liara says 'By the goddess', Garrus says something about calibrating, or Tali uses her native tongue, you drink."

"And none of you are drunk yet?"

Tali: "We could add Javik. Every time he says something about primitives."

Garrus: "That seems too easy."

Tali: "Why?"

I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted. "Hey, Javik?"

"What, primitive?" He shouted back.

"Point taken." Tali held her glass out and Garrus poured her more.