Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.
Reviews, critiques and flames are welcome. I absolutely love all reviews about the story as it gives me motivation, I use good constructive criticism to help my writing improve and I feed the flames to the fires of my imagination.
A/N: Just a reminder that the italics are flashbacks and/or dreams. My deepest apologies for not responding to any of the reviewers. It was the first week back to school for me and my kids and it was hell. Taking school supplies to three different schools, that just so happen to be across town from each other, for the kids, signing my second oldest son up for "American" football, figuring out my schedule and why on God's green earth I decided to take a Yoga course for my Kinesiology credit when I already hurt bad enough. Again, sorry for the lack of response from me but life happened to smack me in the face full-force this week.
Thanks to my before posting beta Queen of Jokers and my after posting beta SubZeroChimera!
(update 9-3-14) - fixed issues that my after posting beta told me to fix after she threatened to break my knees if I didn't fix them... Just kidding! ;p
"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." –Lewis Carroll
Chapter 37
The night that they got Cloud back, Sephiroth and Aerith had gone to Alana's and gotten the rest of Cloud and Zack's things. Both of the guys were irritable and having to live out of boxes and bags didn't make it any better. After Harding gave him what Cloud called "liquid inferno," the blond seemed better, although a bit preoccupied despite being all healed up from the impromptu surgery.
Tifa was not amused at their antics so she sent them out to her storage building and had them bring up a large bed into the office, "If you two are staying here, ya'll are going to need a bed. I'm tired of hearing you complaining about how your back hurts from sleeping on the floor or couch."
They struggled to get the couch out to the storage building, but only because of a slight disagreement. Zack couldn't help but feel the stress in Cloud's demeanor. As they always did though, they pushed through their anger with each other as though it wasn't there, but it was tangible for both. As usual though, neither would say anything to the other.
A few days later, Zack still hadn't told Cloud that he had been gone for so long. He just hadn't thought about it, but he was sure that it would come up at one point or another. Even though Cloud seemed distracted and obviously deep in his own head, Zack wanted to help him. However, he had things of his own that he was dealing with and oddly enough, helping Cloud was not foremost on his mind. Several days later, they finally found a tall chest of drawers that they could use for their room. Maybe that would ease some of the tension.
Tifa, having left the two grown men alone, went down to get the weekly delivery for the bar/restaurant. Both men went through their things and began working out whose things would go where.
"I want the top drawers!" Cloud shoved Zack's hands away.
"I got to them first."
"Yeah, but I called it before you even got over here!"
Zack shouldered Cloud out of the way, "I'm taller, so I automatically get the top ones!"
Cloud puffed his chest up, trying to make himself bigger and more intimidating, and pointed a finger in Zack's face, "Listen, you son of a bitch, I'm tired of the short comments! I'm not that much shorter than you!"
Zack tilted his head from side to side with the rhythm of the words as he slowly stepped forward into Cloud's personal space, "If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, then it's got to be the short ass motherf-"
Zack's words got cut off when Cloud threw a punch and got him on the cheekbone, knocking him back over on the foot of the bed. Zack eerily laughed and jumped up pushing the blond back into the dresser; the corner of it rammed into his back, and the blonde let out a yelp of pain as the edge bit into his skin. Zack took a step back and jabbed him with a punch in the side, just below his ribs.
He'd never fought Cloud before, not really. They'd sparred, but it was instructional only so Zack didn't know if he should hold back or not, he didn't want to hurt him badly. Cloud pulled his arm down over his injured side and breathed in.
Quickly ignoring the pain, the blonde's eyes glared as he reached up and grabbed two handfuls of Zack's hair, throwing the brunette against the bathroom door. With Zack slightly distracted while extricating himself from the door, Cloud jabbed him twice in the gut. While slightly bent over, covering his stomach, Cloud took the opportunity to knee the brunette in the face. Zack cried out when he felt the crack of cartilage in his nose and then Cloud followed up with another punch to the side of his friend's face.
The thought of holding back went out the window because it was obvious to Zack that Cloud wasn't holding back. Besides that, his broken nose was the bell ringing for round two for him.
Trying for another punch, Zack dodged it and Cloud punched the door frame instead. A splatter of blood flung from the split in the skin on his knuckles when he shook his hand from the pain. Zack internally grinned at the timely dodge that rewarded him with Cloud's cracked knuckles. However, this had ceased to be amusing to him and his broken nose signified that.
Zack wiped the blood from his upper lip and nose with his hand and let out a growl. Pushing himself off of the doorframe, he made a running tackle and got Cloud pinned against the opposite wall and when the blonde's head hit the wall a grunt the left his lips. An opportunity presented itself, so Zack got in a punch to Cloud's eye that he knew would leave a bruise. Getting a hold of the golden-haired man's shoulders, he twisted around to the side and pushed him back into the desk, following up with another punch to the jaw. The desk tilted back and Zack pinned him down to the desk at arm's length. When an opening for another punch showed up, he pulled his fist back ready to punch Cloud again.
Before Zack could let his fist loose, Cloud let out a growl of his own and cried out in anger. Reaching up Cloud grabbed the bigger man's forearms and threw a knee straight up, sending Zack down to the floor in a crumple. Cloud took the front of Zack's shirt in one fist, readied another punch and leaned closer to his face.
The look in Zack's eyes gave up momentarily, it was a feeling he'd never remembered having had in a fight before, helplessness mixed with despair. He wanted to curl up and shrivel up in a corner and hide from the world. When Cloud spoke, he had a bite in his words that stung for a moment, "Keep your fucking hands off of her!" However, Zack knew that it was over, Cloud earned and needed this victory so he gave up willingly.
With another burst of energy, he got one more punch to the side of Zack's face. Cloud still had a hold of his shirt and he shoved him back down to the floor. Cloud took a step back and prepared himself for another attack from the brunette.
Through deep breaths the former Soldier solemnly said from his position on the floor, "Nothing happened. I told you that." He wiped his nose again, winced at the pain and then asked, "Do you feel better now?" Zack was a little disappointed in Cloud's dirty fighting, but he'd taught him back in the lab, when he was younger and smaller, that if he was overpowered, then fighting dirty might be necessary.
Cloud walked out the door and went down the stairs. Zack slowly pulled himself on the bed and sat there for a few minutes. One hand held his nose and the other held his wounded crotch. He thought that he had settled this, but Cloud obviously still had it on his mind. Although his body told him that he had really wanted to be with Tifa that night, luckily his brain intervened. Had it happened, it would have just compounded his already steadily increasing problems.
Zack's thoughts rapidly went to the new problems of his injuries. He steadied his breathing, as he regained control of his senses. He just hoped that this would be the end of it and then they could go on with their lives. His limp impeded his speed in getting to the bathroom to look in the mirror, "Broke my… oww… nose."
From behind him he heard, "Here," Cloud poked him in the back with something.
Zack turned and Cloud held out an ice pack, "Thanks." He took the pack and put it to his groin as he limped back to the bed, "That's the second time you've gotten me in the nuts."
Cloud held his ice pack against his cheek and eyebrow and sat on the bed next to Zack and they said nothing. The sound of their breathing was all he heard. Then Cloud looked at the wall and asked, "You think Tifa will notice the big hole in the wall?" A small smile crept over his face and then he looked over at his dark-haired friend.
"I say we tell her that it was like that when we got here," Zack laughed a little and winced again.
When they heard footsteps coming up the stairs, Cloud said with a hint of a smile, "I guess we're about to find out."
When Tifa came around the corner, she dropped her jaw at the sight before her.
Cloud and Zack were sitting next to each other on one side of the bed, facing the door. Both of them held ice packs and were bleeding, the room was destroyed. The bed had skidded over to one side of the room, the bathroom door lay on the floor, the dresser was overturned, the desk had smashed a hole in the wall behind it, another larger hole was in the side wall, the telephone lay on the floor and a broken lamp scattered around the floor. Her face was a mixture of anger and trying not to laugh, "What the hell happened?!"
Putting his ice pack down and glancing at Zack, he returned his eyes to Tifa, his face was all business, "What do you mean? We were just unpacking is all?" Zack lowered his head and giggled and then snorted while trying to keep quiet.
Tifa crossed her arms, "I hope ya'll are going to clean everything up." She turned and went back down the hall. She called as she went down the stairs, "And fix the wall!"
They looked at each other and Zack smiled and chuckled, "We should've stuck to my story."
Aerith and Tifa were in the kitchen making some lunch. Tifa was still amazed at how much two men could eat. She knew that both had increased metabolisms from the mako, but it still astonished her. Zack and Cloud were still upstairs cleaning up the mess and fixing the wall, "What do you think they were fighting for?" Aerith continued putting sandwiches together. Tifa noticed a small tremble to the ancient's hands. Tifa simultaneously broke out into a sweat. This was exactly what she and Zack wanted to avoid. Startled eyes jumped back to the ancient's hands, why was she shaking? Did she already know something?
"I don't think he knows that it was just a mistake," Tifa flinched at her own words. What was so damn difficult about keeping your mouth shut around Aerith? It was like she had the ability to give you the inability to keep anything from her.
"What mistake?" Aerith asked curiously. Tifa glanced over to her and lowered her eyes back to the plates and the sandwiches, "Tifa," Aerith took Tifa by the hands and made her look at her, "What happened that upset Cloud so much?" Aerith looked deep in her eyes.
"Really, Aerith, it was nothing," What she and Zack had talked about that night suddenly made her nervous. Aerith now wanted to know. Of course Tifa still couldn't shut her mouth, she had just blurted it out. She could have said drawers or best baseball team or maybe even who was the fastest runner. What would happen if she told Aerith? Would she get mad? She was going to get it from her eventually.
"It couldn't have been nothing. Cloud isn't the type to get angry at nothing," Aerith dropped her hands, smiled at her and picked up the plates. Tifa didn't like the smile she received from Aerith.
Much to Tifa's relief, a way to get out of this conversation arose; lunch, so she called to the guys upstairs, "Lunch!" The noise from upstairs stopped and the sounds of heavy boots pounding down the stairs in a rush to the food took its place.
Zack could be heard talking to Cloud as they made their way down the stairs, "…The door hinge is not repairable. A whole new one is going to have to be put in. I'm fixing it today, I'm tired of not having a door to the bathroom." Reaching the dining room, they both stopped simultaneously. Staring at the girls they nervously approached the table. Without sitting, Zack grabbed a plate full of food, and then filled it with more food and put an extra sandwich in his mouth. He quickly retreated back upstairs.
As Zack left, Cloud was already half sitting, and then he stood back up debating on whether or not to join him. He sat back down and then looked at the girls again. Tifa could see the deliberation in his eyes. He looked from one girl to the other and back again, nervous and then he had a touch of embarrassment flinch across his face. Making a decision, he grabbed his overly full, plate and started to get up again, Tifa couldn't help but grin at his attempt to be impassive and composed.
Aerith grabbed his arm, "Cloud? Why don't you join us?" He looked at her and strained a smile as he sat back down slowly, "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, I guess. Why?" He took a bite of one of his several sandwiches and he kept his eyes trained on the rest of the sandwich in his hands.
"Well, being gone for three weeks and what you went through must have been terrible," Aerith smiled.
With Cloud's mouth still full of food, in surprise he asked, "F-free wweeks?!" He covered his mouth and swallowed so that he could continue, "I thought I was only gone for a couple of days." Tifa didn't think that she had ever seen his eyes as wide as they were right then.
"No… you were gone for three weeks. We were very worried about you," When she rested her chin in her palm, she touched his arm lightly.
Breaking the spell of Aerith's, Zack yelled from upstairs, "Hey Spike! Are you coming or what?"
Cloud sighed in relief and yelled back, "Yeah I'm coming!" Looking back at Aerith he said with a small smile, "Thanks." He wasted no time in getting back upstairs and out of the sight of the two inquisitive women.
After Cloud left, Aerith looked back at Tifa, "What is wrong? Why don't you tell him how you feel? He needs to know how you feel about him."
She couldn't figure out how she did that; just reading her like that. If she wanted to know why Cloud left angry, why didn't she just read him? She sure didn't remember telling her about how much she loved him. Tifa lowered her gaze again, "Well it all stems from the night he got so angry." Tifa pushed her plate away, "It was just a big misunderstanding."
"Tifa, tell me what happened," Aerith fidgeted and swirled her baked beans around her plate.
"I really don't know how to explain it without it sounding so bad," Aerith urged her to continue. "The night that the boys got drunk, Zack showed up here at the bar. He was having a hard time, about you and Seph. I was having a difficult time about Cloud and Alana. We talked and tried to cheer each other up, but all we did was end up crying." Tifa paused, Aerith was waiting. She didn't know how to say it without hurting her, "We kissed… that was all."
Aerith sat back in her chair, "So Cloud walked in?"
"No, but… Oh, I just can't…"
"Tifa, just say it," Aerith patted Tifa's arm.
"Well, Zack's shirt was left here and so I put it in my room. I was going to give it back to him the next time he came to work," Tifa looked at Aerith's face and it stiffened, a battle to keep her composure raged, but a moment later she smiled softly. She urged her to continue, "Zack said he didn't want to do anything because he didn't want to hurt Cloud and I agreed. So the night that he had disappeared, Zack and Cloud were talking and Zack told him that he should talk to me. Well Cloud woke me up much later and he kissed me. That's when he saw Zack's shirt. He lost it and walked out," Tifa wiped at her tears.
"Tifa, do you know what I see when you tell me this? I see two people who were hurting. You just needed someone to be there for you," Aerith finished her sandwich. She started to get up to take it to the kitchen, "I think you need to tell Cloud what happened and tell him how you feel. He needs to know."
"You're not upset?" Tifa looked at her with eyes ready to cry at a moment's notice.
Aerith stopped and smiled down to her face. The smile was unnervingly calm and serine, "No. Zack isn't mine anymore. I still love him, but I belong with Seph."
As Aerith walked into the kitchen, Tifa thought about Zack and how Aerith had been his anchor while he was in the lab. She suddenly felt so bad for him.
Aerith and Tifa were in the kitchen cleaning up when Sephiroth came in through the kitchen door. He went straight to Aerith, "Hello how was your day?"
She looked at him, "I had a good day and I can see you had a good day also. How was work?" He leaned in for a kiss.
"It wasn't too bad, I delivered to a new market and it looks really nice considering the neighborhood. Are they still upstairs fixing the damage from last week?" Aerith nodded and smiled.
"Come on, I'm on my way up there to check their progress anyway," Tifa led the way upstairs as Zack passed them on the stairs going out to the smaller storage building to find some more nails, "The spare nails and screws are on the top shelf to the left, close to the back," Tifa yelled after him.
Tifa and Sephiroth walked in the room and Cloud held the door up, waiting for Zack to get back with the nails and screws, "Hey Seph, how was your day?"
"I am betting it was better than yours," A little devious smirk crossed his usually stoic face.
Tifa added, "I'm glad that the room is finally coming back together. I still can't believe both of you would do this."
"This damage tells me that you and Zack had a difference of opinion," Sephiroth sat down on the bed, "You want to talk?"
Cloud's eyes glanced quickly at Tifa as she crossed the hall to her bedroom, "There's nothing to talk about, we just… came to an understanding," Cloud leaned over and the door started to fall. Just catching it, he sighed in relief, "I did want to ask you, why didn't you tell me that I had been gone so long? I thought it was just a couple of days."
"To be perfectly honest, it just never came up," Sephiroth stood up and leaned against the door frame, "You don't even know what really happened during that three weeks, do you?"
"What did happen? I don't remember much of anything, except that first night," Cloud shifted his weight and the door slid a little.
Sephiroth couldn't help it. He didn't really know why, but he just had the sudden need to tease Cloud a little. He thought back to when they were in the cell, and Cloud turned tomato red when Sephiroth found out about him being Maria, "Well it seems that you had been kidnapped and were kept in a house of ill repute."
"What?!" Cloud leaned closer to Sephiroth and lowered his voice, "You mean I was kidnapped and used as a prostitute?" Cloud suddenly felt light-headed and one of his knees buckled a little, "I think I need to sit down."
Sephiroth put a hand up, "We had to pay for an hour to even get near you." Sephiroth had no intention of telling him that he really had not 'worked' as a prostitute, but he added a little fuel to the fire, "It seems that you were pretty popular."
Cloud dropped the door and it crashed down along the side wall across from the sink and toilet, "What?!" He put his hands on top of his head and started pacing. Sephiroth started laughing and Cloud shouted, "It's not funny!"
Sephiroth tapped his finger on his lips and said softly, "Well, you did try to take my shirt off of me," He waited for the blow up.
Cloud stopped pacing, turned quickly around and looked at him, "Your joking with me aren't you?"
Sephiroth shook his head and started laughing, "I guess I shouldn't tell you about when you kissed Zack then." His laughter increased and he held his sides.
"I don't believe you! I'll just ask Zack," Cloud glared at him as Sephiroth, still laughing, went and sat on the foot of the bed.
Sephiroth lay on his bed in their shared cell. At the sound of the soft snoring across the room, his thoughts went to thinking about Zack and Cloud. He knew that they were close friends, but wasn't sure how long they had been friends. Zack thought of Cloud as a little brother, and was protective of him just the same. The whole thing with Davis, had taken a toll on Zack. He'd never killed in cold blood before; he was too nice of a guy. Sephiroth knew that Davis' face haunted him and he didn't dare tell Cloud about it. Sephiroth knew what Zack was going through; he had faces that haunted him too.
Cloud had been so young when this ordeal had begun. He was only 15, he was a just kid and Hojo had done terrible things to him and around him. He wondered if Cloud would be able to live a seemingly normal life, or would he fall into a vicious cycle.
Sephiroth closed his eyes to try to get some sleep. Once he was in a deep sleep, his clear eyes worked over the scenery, he was in a forest. The trees were dense, the moon shined above, but it was difficult to discern a path in any direction. The deep green of the leaves and the perfectly sized tree trunks fell into his idea of an ideal forest. Marveling at the solitude, lack of pain, lack of screaming and terror, he noticed a light up ahead.
Winding his way through the crowded foliage, he started walking toward the light and soft voices. Not recognizing the voices at first, he tugged and pulled his way forward to satisfy his curiosity. When he reached a clearing, Cloud was in his infantry uniform, crouched down on the ground. He looked so young, so innocent and scared. A woman that he recognized stood over him. It had to be Jenova, he remembered his time with her. His experience with her was far different from now. Before, she had just spoken to him, it was malevolent yes, but never violent or necessarily physically painful.
Once he reached the flat of the clearing, he was unable to go farther. He could only be witness to what he was seeing. It played almost like a theatrical show, the actors were on stage, the audience quieted and the play began.
"Take my hand and I will make it all stop."
Cloud looked up at her, "I thought that I already did what you wanted. I told you that I wanted you. Please just leave me alone."
She leaned down and held his face up to her, "My love that was just the beginning." She let his face go and he lowered his face back down to his knees.
He began to sob, "Please don't make me do this."
She raised her arms above her head, "Would you like for me to hurt your friend? You saw how close I was before."
Cloud raised his eyes toward her, "Please," He pleaded with his eyes full of fear, "Please don't."
"Then come to me. Show me that you are willing to do what you promise," She stood just a few feet away from him and held her arms in front of her. Just when he thought it couldn't get much weirder, her face changed, it was a young woman with long brown hair. Her body changed and then her voice, "Cloud, please," She begged.
His head returned to his knees as he shook his head, "I don't know if I can."
The woman changed back into a woman with long silver hair that had brown in it. She looked to be a mixture of the two women he had seen, "Come to me, now." She demanded. The sound of her voice made a visible shudder shake Cloud's body.
With tears streaming down his face, he slowly got to his feet and took a hesitant step forward, then another. Her arms moved around him and he flinched. Her dress fully enveloped him and it moved around as it developed several arms and tentacles. The tentacles went around and through his body and his scream echoed all around him.
When Sephiroth woke up, Cloud was screaming and writhing in pain. Zack was holding his wrists as Cloud fought to pull the phantom tentacles from his body. It was then that Sephiroth understood. Cloud had a battle that he had to fight and Cloud would never allow them to help him. He wouldn't even tell them what he was going through. The best thing they could do was show him that love and friendship was worth the fight. Sephiroth wondered when he would have his battle again.
Aerith was left in the kitchen, leaning on the counter. She had a few tears fill her eyes and they threatened to fall. What had Zack gone through? If it was anything like what Sephiroth had dreamed about or the few things he did say, it was terrible. On occasion, she was able to sense the fear that the three of them would think about. Had she given up on Zack to soon? What would it do to Sephiroth if she went back to Zack? The thoughts of Zack being hurt and him holding on to her to get through that hell. Aerith did start crying when the thought of Zack lying in the cold mud, bleeding to death, in pain and all he had wanted to do was to come back to her.
When the door opened she wiped her face quickly and turned toward the door.
"Oh, hey… I uh I'm just going out to get nails. Excuse me," Zack had to side step in front of Aerith to get by. They barely touched as he passed, "Sorry." He blushed and turned away, heading for the door.
"Zack, I wanted to talk to you. Please," She wanted to run into his arms kiss and him, maybe she had lied to Tifa. Was she still in love with Zack? Maybe she was lying to herself, but it was just too painful to continue down the path that lay before them both. She'd made a decision and she stood by it, so it was just a matter of telling Zack now.
Zack stopped and kept his back to her and his shoulders dropped, "What is it?"
"I just… wanted to tell you… I did wait for you, for five years."
Zack shook his head, "Don't do this Aerith."
"I feel bad that I thought all those things, when none of it was true. You are a wonderfully kind man, your heart… you're hurting, and it's because of me," Aerith reached out and touched his arm, "Zack, there is something else, I am with Sephiroth, and that is how it has to stay. So I think it best if we stay away from each other for a while. I'm sorry."
Zack turned his head slightly looking at her out of the corner of his eye, "Aerith, I can't do this… not right now," He walked out the back door. Aerith's heart ached and her tears tore it open again.
Aerith watched out the little window in the door and when she saw Zack shaking, she couldn't stop her tears. When he went inside the storage building, she heard a loud noise. She jumped at the volume of it. Then she heard another, then another. When the loud groan of anger and sadness, followed, she couldn't take it anymore. She turned and ran upstairs. Was she doing the right thing? She strongly felt that her feelings were breaking his heart more every day.
Sephiroth was laughing when she wrapped her arms around him, "Please, I am ready to go home."
He looked at her, "What happened?" She shook her head and insisted that he take her home, "Alright, let's go. Bye Cloud. Oh and by the way, you owe us 10,000 gil!"
Cloud glared at him and rubbed his head in frustration.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."
Please send me your reviews if you want. It is really easy. Just click your arrow in the little box, write what you thought or felt about the chapter and then click right down there, just below the box. A little lower… a little to the right… yeah, right there! Click it! *grinning*