As I climbed the stairs to the balcony, I heard Vega's voice. "Absolutely, biotics are impressive. I'm not saying they aren't."

Liara, Miranda, and Jacob were leaning against the balcony wall facing Vega who was by the railing. It acquired to me that if Vega wasn't careful and one of my biotic friends was mad enough, they could easily launch his ass over the balcony. He'd live and with all his muscles would probably be fine, but it still wasn't something I wanted to happen in my apartment.

Liara: "You're just saying that they're not that impressive."

Vega: "I'm not saying anything! I'm just saying…aw, shit."

Liara: "No, it's fine. I'm sure no one here is insulted."

Miranda: "Only a little."

Jacob: "Maybe."

"I'm just saying…What I'm trying to say is…I mean, check out these guns." Vega flexed. "Biotics can't give you the kind of fine instrument, the peak physical form that you see before you."

Jacob: "Okay, you work for it. I get that."

Vega: "I mean it, check me out."

Liara: "Is there more to your argument?"

Vega: "Come on in closer. Don't be shy."

Miranda made a slightly disgusted face.

"Yeah." Jacob gently elbowed her. "Don't be shy."

"Hey, what's going on here?" I stepped in. "Everyone playing nice?"

Liara: "Of course, Shepard. James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics."

"Yes." Miranda rolled her eyes. "It's a very compelling argument too."

Me: "Really? You going there, James?"

Vega: "Come on. You have to go with me on this one. Biotics are strong, but unpredictable. All that cooling down."

Jacob: "Shepard, where did you find this guy?"

Me: "He was already on the ship. If I wanted to keep Cortez, I had to keep James. Plus, he reminds me of a puppy. I didn't have the heart to kick him off."

Vega flipped me the bird. "A person can improve their physique. But biotics? They are what they are."

Me: "You know, I bet Mordin would have a whole theoretical book about how biotics can be improved."

Jacob: "Just one?"

I shrugged. "He's a geneticist not a…biotic-ologist."

"Biotics win hands down." Miranda shook her head. "We're talking about harnessing dark energy."

"Okay, okay. Maybe it's not conditioning, exactly. Maybe it's just the conditioning of one James Vega." He gestured towards me. "Hey, Liara, check it out. This guy never has to cool down! In fact, the hotter the better."

"Now, hold on." Miranda held up a hand. "We're still talking about combat, right? Not some weird, male metaphor for sex?"

Me: "I hope to God we are."

Miranda: "What? Talking about combat or sex?"

I paused. "I…have no idea anymore. I'm wishing I'd stayed with Mordin."

Jacob: "Hilarious."

Kasumi appeared behind Vega. "Just hush and do some sit-ups." And disappeared just as quickly.

"That's an excellent idea." Vega declared. "Only we'll do pushups."

"Pushup contest?" I cocked an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, biotic verses, uh." Vega faltered.

"Non-biotic?" Miranda offered.

Vega: "Exactly! Jacob, mi amigo, care to step up to the challenge?"

Jacob didn't hesitate. He took his place beside Vega.

"You can't seriously be going along with this." I crossed my arms leaning on the wall with Liara.

Jacob: "Have to represent the biotics."

Me: "Wouldn't like, oh I don't know, Miranda, Liara, or Jack be better since theirs are, no offense, Jacob, stronger?"

"Don't drag me into this." Miranda held up both hands. "I want no part of this pissing contest."

Me: "And yet here you are."

She shrugged. "I can enjoy the show, can't I?"

"You can watch as much as you want." Vega said flexing an arm.

"She's/I'm out of your league." The rest of us said.

Poor guy.

"Any ways, can we just get this over with?" Liara sighed. "I swear, males of any species are all the same. Thank the goddess asari don't have them."

Me: "I don't know. They may lack a penis, but I've met plenty of asari that act like males." We watched as the combatants set to work. "There was this one commando who."

"No." Miranda stopped me. "The two of you are not getting into a theological argument about what makes a male and a female. If I wanted to hear that, I'd talk to Mordin."

We fell into silence watching, but not really paying attention to, the two men.

After a while, Jacob asked. "Anyone counting? Miranda?"

Miranda: "Absolutely. I think you're just fantastic."

Liara: "Keep going!"

"I think we need to make this more interesting." The women turned to me. "I think they should be doing this with a snack and a drink in each hand."

"That's a marvelous idea." They both agreed.

"Sure." Vega sounded strained. "Uh! Wow."

Liara gasped in mock surprise. "Why is Jacob lapping you?"

"Jacob is showing you up. How come?" Miranda added.

"What do you mean?" Jacob didn't sound winded at all. "This is my thing, baby."

Something about this was off. "You seem a little slow tonight, James."

Kasumi appeared sitting side saddle on Vega's back. "Well, nobody's perfect." Somehow, I wasn't shocked to see her there. "How's it going on your end?"

And with that, Vega collapsed causing Kasumi to topple over.

Liara started laughing first, but it wasn't long before Miranda and I joined in.

"Okay now." Vega got back to his feet. Kasumi not far behind. "Let's find a more fun way to get sweaty."

Me: "That's not another sex analogy, is it?"

Liara: "Come on! Let's dance."