Author's Soundtrack:
Come As You Are by Civil Twilight

Chapter Eighteen

She woke screaming.

The sound of it was like being dropped in freezing water, icy droves pouring into him in excruciating waves. Ichigo raced into the room demanding explanations and stopped at the door. Physicians surrounded her bed, fighting to strap her to it. Thin arms flailed and struck out where they could, landing a few good blows and sending a couple doctors stumbling back. Her eyes were wild, wide with fear, confusion, and desperation. Ashido moved past him, rushing to her side with Orihime to help calm her. When their eyes met, her struggles lessened. She stared at him with a heart-wrenching mix of disbelief and joy.

And then she snapped. Wrenching her limbs from the doctors, she slipped from the bed and rushed the door where Ichigo barred the way. Sliding to a stop, she stared up at him with those pools of amethyst he had been aching to see. A few days felt like ages, but she was finally here, standing in front of him, within reach. He'd thought he would have seen the same joy she shared with Ashido.

When the tears began to fall he was shocked. It wasn't relief, but anguish that filled those eyes. She shook her head, mumbling something unintelligible and took a step back before her legs gave beneath her.

He was at her side in a heartbeat, catching her before she hit the hard floor. She said nothing as he picked her up from the freezing floor and carried her back to the bed. Orihime took the lead from the other doctors, giving Rukia a warm smile before speaking with her. Ichigo watched with concern as Rukia began to withdraw, only responding with the occasional nod.

She was docile until Orihime tried to give her a sedative, and the battle renewed. He was relieved when they finally managed to dose her and she fell into a deep sleep.

Until she woke screaming a few hours later.

And again after another couple of hours.

And again.

And again. . .

Ichigo watched helplessly as Orihime injected yet another sedative into Rukia's IV drip. As the medication slipped into her veins, Rukia's breathing slowed and her bloodshot eyes fluttered closed. Orihime watched the numbers on the monitor as her heart rate slowed and then gave Ichigo a nod, indicating they leave.

In the hall, Ichigo rubbed his face and fell against the wall. His body ached from the emotional whiplash from the past few days: furious, then heartbroken, then raging, then full of regret. It was an endless cycle he couldn't break. He wanted to cling to the wrath that had become a constant simmer beneath his skin, but it always slipped from his grasp whenever he saw her asleep, or frantic, or scared. He wanted to gather up a team and hunt Aizen down, rip him limb from limb, but he couldn't leave until Rukia was stable. How could he possibly run off when she couldn't even go a couple of hours without reliving the nightmare that was her imprisonment?

Closing the door behind her, Orihime leaned against the opposite wall, her body sagging with exhaustion.

"She should be asleep for another couple of hours. The speed with which her body metabolizes the sedatives is astonishing. I shouldn't be dosing her more than a couple of times a day, but. . ." her strained voice trailed off and her eyes dropped to the floor.

Without the sedatives, Rukia wouldn't rest and couldn't recover. How often did Aizen have to dose her during his experiments? Did he even bother? Did her fears stem from her mistrust of what was in her IV?

A chill shot through him and Ichigo tried to push the thoughts from his mind as quickly as they appeared.

He needed her to get better faster. Reyes' "goodwill" wasn't long lasting, and while the CAC doctors seemed intent on helping Rukia, he wasn't sure how far he could trust them. Rukia certainly didn't. Every time she saw one of them, she tried to kill them or run. Orihime was the only one Rukia responded well to. Ashido tried to visit when he could but was caught playing politician while Orihime was busy with Rukia.

And Ichigo? Every time she saw him there was nothing but pain.

He flinched, remembering the utter look of despair on her face the last time she saw him.

"She seems better when it's just you," he mumbled bitterly.

Orihime nodded. "She's better with people she knows, it seems."

Ichigo snorted wryly, earning a confused glance. "The moment she sees me she bursts into tears. I'd hardly call that 'better'."

The sight of her tear-streaked face was burned into his eyes, the tracks nearly tattooed on her cheeks, her eyes stained with constant grief. He'd never seen her cry, even when exiled and abandoned by her people, even when her corpse was growing cold as she bled out on the floor of the British Consulate. What did she see when she looked at him? What was it that changed her so dramatically? Was it him? Was it something else - someone else? What the hell did Aizen do to her to break her so terribly?

The scorching heat of rage lit up his chest and raced through his body like a violent explosion. With an enraged growl, he twisted and slammed his fist into the wall, wishing it was Aizen's face that cracked and crumbled under the impact.

Several passing agents stared at him and the damage, and then hurried away when he turned his gaze on them.

Orihime gave him a sympathetic look. "Physically, she's the perfect image of health, but mentally, that's a whole other story. We can only attempt to imagine what was done to her and what is going through her mind. She needs someone to talk to, someone who can help her work through what happened. I've asked Councilor Reyes to call in a specialist to try to speak with her."

Distrust plagued him. Letting another stranger evaluate her, especially in her current state, didn't seem like a good idea.

"What about you?" Ichigo wondered hopefully. "She might talk to you."

The idea didn't seem to sit well with her, as she shifted uncomfortably and shook her head. "Psychology isn't my speciality, and it might be better for her to speak with someone she doesn't know at all. The fear of judgment or failure might convince her to keep certain things to herself - important things."

Not that she was wrong, but Ichigo still didn't like the idea. "You've seen how she reacts to other people. Bringing in another doctor might just push her further away from us."

"I've provided Councilor Reyes with a list of instructions on what the therapist should and shouldn't do based on our observations of her behavior so far. It's clear anyone in a lab coat is viewed as an immediate threat. And anyone who resembles her captors is completely out of the question as well."

Doubt continued to nag at him. Rukia didn't like to share things unless she deemed it necessary. Hell, she still hadn't told him about what happened to her husband, not the whole of it. If she didn't reveal that kind of stuff to those she trusted the most, why would she entrust a complete stranger?

It was difficult to hear, but he picked up the quiet sounds of whimpering coming from Rukia's room. Orihime was tense, listening intently as well, but when the pained sounds were followed only by the sounds of tossing sheets and not strangled screams, they relaxed.

Seeing her struggle every day for the few days was taking its toll. She desperately needed help, and if Orihime thought this was the best bet, then it was worth a shot.

"You really think this will help?"

"It's difficult to say." Orihime pushed herself off the wall and stepped towards him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she gave him a gentle pat.

"Everyone is different, their situations are different. What helps one person may not help another, at least not in the same way. There's never a 'one size fits all' fix for these kinds of things. And her circumstances are probably some of the most extreme. I'm not saying it's impossible for her to find her way back to us, but her road to recovery will be long and difficult.

"People don't live through something like that and just bounce back in a few weeks. Some don't even bounce back at all. They spend their entire lives followed by that ghost. The important thing is that she has the support she needs, the right people who will be there to help her when she needs help, to understand that at the end of it all, there will be someone new and that that person is still loved."

Orihime stared at him meaningfully, willing him to understand her and what waited for him. In a way, he did. It wasn't the same, but the death of his mother had haunted his family for years, to the point they had to leave behind their home. The death of his own father still caused him to wake up in a cold sweat. A person doesn't get over what happened, only finds a way to cope and move on.

But was that possible for Rukia? Only a few days had passed, but she was still like an injured animal, aware of the help she needed, but too scared to trust anyone except Orihime. It was difficult for him to imagine her ever recovering, ever returning to the woman that he knew.

"Will you stay with her?"

Ichigo stared at Orihime startled and a bit insulted. "What? Of course I will. I'm not leaving her here by herself."

She sighed and gave a sullen shake of her head. "No, I don't mean here in this building at this exact moment. I mean in the future - tomorrow, the day, week, month, year after. Will you stay with her through all of this? Until the end of the road?"

It seemed a ridiculous question. Why would he leave her? After everything they had been through, there was no way he would abandon her now. How could he? He wasn't sure how long it would take, but Aizen was still there. And now that they knew he was no longer immortal, they could finally be rid of him. Like hell he could desert her when they were so close to their revenge. And after that. . .

He couldn't imagine his life without her in it.

There was a great deal of uncertainty swirling around them. There always had been. But at the end of it all, he simply couldn't see a day without her in it.

Seeing the determination in his eyes, Orihime smiled. "Good. It won't be easy. It will take time."

"I'm a vampire," he replied smugly, "I've got all the time in the world."

Author's notes: Apologies this chapter is so late! My husband and I are getting ready to prepare for a long-awaited (and much needed) vacation.

I know this chapter is qutie a bit shorter than my others. It originally had a whole other section to it, but this just felt like the right place to end this chapter. The group's stay with the CAC spans quite a few days, and mashing them all into one chapter just made it feel like things were being rushed. On the plus side, that should mean that I can still deliver a chapter to you guys while I'm on vacation. I was worried I would have to put things on hold, but I might be able to get something out next week.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter (as short as it was). Thank you to everyone who read this story, favorited it, and are now following it. And thank you to NieveDrop, IchiRuki 4vr, and the anonymous guest for the reviews. Please continue to R&R! I really do enjoy hearing from you guys and discussing the chapters with you (at least those who have accounts - sorry guests, I can't PM you back :( ).