Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

Reviews, critiques and flames are welcome. I absolutely love all reviews about the story as it gives me motivation, I use good constructive criticism to help my writing improve and I feed the flames to the fires of my imagination.

A/N: This whole chapter is a flashback. Quick recap, Zack is looking over Seph's lifeless body and Cloud's comatose body in the living room and he flashes back to when they were in the lab when he killed Davis. Some of the dialogue is the same, but the POV is different since originally it was from Cloud and Seph's POV, now it is from Zack's. There is more detail added and more information fleshed out for you. All of this will come in to play later (*Wrings hands together and cackles evilly*) Just go with the flow and enjoy.

Thanks to my before posting beta Queen of Jokers and my after posting beta SubZeroChimera!

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." –Mahatma Gandhi

Nexus

Chapter 42

"Are you having a little performance anxiety? Hey Seph, he's nervous! He wants to leave."

"That is a shame. I would hate to see him go so soon," Sephiroth added with a less than subtle hint of sarcasm.

From behind Sephiroth a voice that surprised Zack in its sound of strength and determination, "Can I join the party too?" Cloud's bright blond spikes showed up behind Sephiroth just before he walked out from behind the older man.

"Are you sure?" Zack asked. Cloud nodded and the brunette stepped back, "Well alright then."

Zack watched as Cloud let his fury out at his attacker. He didn't know if it would really help him or not, but it was the best he could do for him in that moment.

Cloud finally collapsed while crying and feeling a little retribution. Once satisfied that Cloud had worked his feelings out, at least a little, he would always have the horrible memory, but at least he had some control in the end of it all. Zack went over and picked Cloud up from the floor and looked at his face. Without saying a word, he walked Cloud over to Sephiroth. Zack knew that Sephiroth was aware of what he had planned, he felt sure that his former General would do the same had he been in his position.

Zack got down to the beaten guard's face, "Look at me you piece of shit! I remember telling you that if you touched him again, that I was going to fuck you up. It looks like it wasn't me after all." Zack sat him up and took a deep breath. He was prepared to do this, he'd told himself that it was necessary, to protect Cloud. He placed one hand under Davis's chin and the other behind his head. Zack's hand slipped a little from the blood coming from the guard's mouth and the weakened man protested silently, not able to talk anymore. Zack closed his eyes and with a single twist, he'd become the one thing he never thought he would.

Zack's heart thundered in his chest; he stood up, took a step back, hung his head and closed his eyes, unable to look at the dead body. Sephiroth stayed in the bathroom with Cloud a little longer than Zack thought he would. Which was just as well; he wasn't ready to see them yet anyway. His head spun and he was a light-headed and he fought the urge to vomit from his disgust at himself, reflecting on what this place had done to them, turned them into. Leaning against the wall next to his bed, he stepped over the body and tried to look away.

Once he'd calmed himself, he let out one last deep breath before Cloud came out of the bathroom, "Zack?" Cloud stood next to him and wanted to help him, but Zack let on that he was fine when in fact he wasn't at that moment.

Zack looked at him, smiled and drew him into a hug, "It's okay now, you don't have to be scared of him anymore." Cloud really didn't know what to say, so he didn't even try. That was okay, Zack didn't expect anything out of him right then anyway. Releasing Cloud, he needed to sit and collect his thoughts, that and if he held Cloud any longer, he would not have been able to keep his repose.

Just then, cell door opened and Charles came in. The hefty guard made eye contact with the black-haired former Soldier first. Zack mustered as much mockery as possible, "What's up chuckles?"

Charles looked at Zack, then at Cloud and finally at Sephiroth, "What happened in here?!"

Zack swallowed hard, but added as much amusement as he could, "Well, I'd tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya."

When Hojo showed up in the cell, it surprised Zack. He'd never seen Hojo anywhere but the labs since being here in this hell hole, "What happened in here?"

Zack knew that a punishment was coming. He wondered what it would be, with Hojo though it could be just about anything, "I just couldn't help myself. Maybe it's all the drugs you're giving us?" Zack said it a little less convincingly than he wanted.

A loud outburst beside him made Zack jump slightly, "No! It was me!" Cloud took a step forward and thankfully, Sephiroth pulled him back a couple of steps.

Zack looked at Cloud, he was so young, but he wasn't much older than the blond. For some reason, Zack had stepped up as his protector, without him even asking. It seemed to be an automatic thing for him. He felt very close to Cloud, he did ever since he had met him on that mission and he loved Cloud and thought of him as he would a brother. Zack spoke while looking back at Hojo, "Stop trying to take credit for my work, Spike." It came out a little more stern than he intended, but he was taking this punishment. It was his to get anyway, it wouldn't make up for him getting them captured in the first place, but it was a start. Besides, Cloud already suffered enough at the hands of Davis.

Hojo told Charles to take them all to the lab. Zack had not anticipated him taking Sephiroth and Cloud as well, he hoped that they wouldn't receive a punishment as well. When Hojo turned and left, Charles jerked him up and Zack felt his shoulder yank, but he stiffened his arm and neck muscles to keep it from dislocating. Drake and Harper came in after that and got Cloud and Sephiroth.

Once in the lab, Charles held on to Zack while Cloud and Sephiroth got strapped into the chairs. Charles less than gently removed his shirt and Hojo himself restrained Zack's hands in front of him. When the crane was lowered, Charles happily took Zack's hands and lifted the restraints over the large heavy-duty hook. With a flip of a switch, the scientist raised it and Zack was barely able to touch his toes on the cold tile floor.

Glancing to Cloud, he was getting hysterical and he needed to let the boy know that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault. He had done this, it was his decision and he didn't want Cloud to blame himself. With a whistle loud enough to make everyone in the room jump, he got Cloud's attention, "Spiky, it's okay." Cloud's hysterics seemed to get a little worse, so Zack finished up, "Spiky, close your eyes."

The first one hit and Zack hadn't expected it that quickly. He sucked in air at the assault of his skin. He could feel the wet pain drip as Charles let his aggression out on his back. Zack felt the second hit on his back and it felt even harder than the first. Not able to hold his balance with the force of the strikes, he swayed with each hit and he concentrated on holding his screams and let them out as grunts instead. The blood was able to find its way all the way down to his legs and his feet.

He didn't look at Cloud or Sephiroth, except once. Both of them had their heads down and he could see Cloud shaking. He thought that he may have been crying, but the next hit, caused Zack's head to jerk backward and the muscles in his back began to spasm harder and keeping his screams from escaping became that much more difficult.

The brunette kept concentrating on not screaming, if he could do that, he could separate himself from this torture, maybe. When his legs began to tremble, his head also became more difficult to hold up. Hanging his head, he wanted to pass out, but it seemed to be taking forever. His arms shook from trying to hold his weight up and his legs continued to tremble and his toes slipped in the little pools of blood that he smeared along the floor underneath him, he was no longer able to hold his weight.

Then it was over, thankfully, and Hojo lowered the crane and he fell to the floor as the line was dropped. Keeping his eyes closed, it kept him from seeing his friends, because he didn't think he would be able to hold it together if he had looked at them. Charles and Harper picked him up from the floor. Each took one arm and his heals scraped across the floor and left streaking trails of blood in his wake. The feel of some of his hair sticking to his bloody skin made a burning sensation along his back.

Dragging him down the hall, he found himself in a very small, dark cell. It was about 5 feet wide by 5 feet long. Right in the middle of the room was a small drain. He figured that at one time this could have been a big shower room that they had mortared up. He curled up on his legs and shivered from the pain and the cold air stung his wounds, and he finally allowed himself to sob. His entire body twitched and his muscles were restless, but he laid there and cried, he'd been able to stay strong, but now; he just couldn't do it anymore. With the breaths he took, his skin would stretch and the agony of the cuts would start over.

When the door to the cell opened, he looked up and saw a lab tech but he couldn't make out which one it was. He held a large bucket and poured it over the ripped skin on Zack's back. The shock of the freezing water and ice chunks hitting his torn skin sent out a wail that he didn't know he was capable of. He tried to crawl away from the source of the pain, but he hit the wall. Striking the wall hard in his attempt to flee sent a flash of pain through his body and the shivering caused more pain to wave through and back again.

He laid there and cried until he couldn't anymore, he just wanted to go home. To see his mom and dad, to see Aerith again he wrapped his arms around himself and pretended it was her, soothing his pain. He wanted to eat at the diner with Kunsel. He wanted a plate of his mom's homemade biscuits and gravy…

Sleep finally came but it was short and painful. While he had fallen asleep, he'd lost his balance on his legs and rolled into the wall. His deep cuts screamed at him and he screamed back.

He didn't know how long he had been in there, but he knew that it had to have been at least a couple of days because his back had stopped bleeding and clots had formed over the sliced skin. Finally being able to lie on his side, without the howl from his back quite as loud, he took advantage of the different position. Hunger took a hold of him and the gnawing of his stomach was just something else that kept him awake. They hadn't brought him anything but water and a bowl of room temperature soup, but food was food. If they had brought him a plate full of maggots, if he was hungry enough, he would eat it out of shear survival instinct.

The cold seeped into his bones as he still only wore a pair of shorts that had stiffened from the dried blood. The smell was pungent and he couldn't tell if it was the shorts that smelled or him.

He wanted, needed someone to talk to. The silence was staring at him and he thought that maybe the silence was a worse punishment, for him anyway.

After what seemed like too many days to count, his back was completely healed. His legs, bruised from him being on them so much, on the cold tile floor. When cell door opened, a bright light shot through the door that made him shield his eyes, "Am I getting out of here?" It came out weakly and his voice cracked. With the movement of his mouth, his lips cracked open and stung in the frigid air. His question was not answered, but a large bowl of soup was pushed into his hands. He immediately put the bowl to his lips and drank it, making himself drink it slowly so he didn't throw it back up. Savoring the sour taste of it as long as he could, he swallowed slowly, holding it in his mouth to help squelch the hunger more. The tech came back in shortly after he drank the last of the soup and took the bowl and slammed the door.

"You're never gonna get out of here, you know that right?" He sat across from Zack, with one knee up, resting his arm on it.

"What do you know?" Zack looked in the direction of the voice as he scooted back against the wall. He furrowed his eyebrows at the sight.

"Oh, I know. I didn't make it out of here alive. You saw to that, didn't you?"

"You deserved it, you sick prick," He lowered his head and rested it on his arm.

"What makes you the judge, jury and executioner?" He flicked a tiny rock with his finger towards Zack hitting him in the arm.

Zack looked at him and scowled, "I tried to warn you, but you didn't listen."

Davis got up and leaned over Zack, "He belongs to me, not you."

Zack looked up, "He belongs to no one!" Zack's voice crumbled slightly as he fought a sob of anger.

"Oh, really?" Davis sat back down and stared at him for a long time before he said anything else, "What? Did you want to fuck him first? Is that what your problem is?" Zack looked up with a look of disgust that made Davis laugh.

Zack lowered his head, "Just leave me alone. You're not even here, just figment of my imagination."

"Are you sure?" A smile crept on to his face and stayed there.

Zack didn't respond. He just closed his eyes and repeated to himself, "He's not really here."

The former Soldier rolled to his side and curled up as much as he could. Freezing temperatures and his shivers still kept him from sleeping. He was so tired, just to be in a bed with a blanket was something he'd taken for granted. He remembered his mother would roll him into a burrito when he was a kid; she lovingly called it a 'Zacky-rrito'. He'd loved that and missed it now. He wondered what his mother was doing right then. Did she think he was dead? He just wanted to have her brush his hair back as she sang to him until he fell asleep. He used to think it was so lame, but now, he had a longing for it…

…Zack tried to make himself busy, by counting the tiles on the floor. The cell was extremely dark, but thanks to the mako, his eyesight was better than most. The only light came from a small hand-sized barred window set in the door. He counted until he got to the end, then he would count them backwards. He counted so many times, that he began to assign letters to each tile. He made up his own type of code with numbers and letters. To make it different, he would close his eyes and count by feeling along the floor.

Remembering the way Aerith would sing quietly to herself when she tended to her garden. He didn't think she realized that she did that, but he loved to just sit and listen. He thought of different songs that he used to listen to. He laid there trying to remember all the words to some of them. He remembered that Cloud said his favorite song was 'It's Not My Time' so he sang that as loudly as he could a few times, fighting the reappearance of Davis.

Then his thoughts got interrupted again, "You never murdered anyone before, have you?"

"Shut up Davis!" Zack put his hands to his head, covering his ears.

"Why was it that you did it?"

"You know why," Zack scowled and slightly growled at him.

Davis crossed his arms and tapped his finger on his arm while he thought, "Oh, yeah. I remember you did it for that little bastard boy," Zack didn't say anything, but he looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. Davis laughed, "Yeah, I would probably kill for a fine piece of ass like that too!" Zack jumped up and lunged at him, but hit the wall instead. Davis let out another laugh, "You got anger issues. Has anyone ever told you that? You'll break eventually, I'll see to it."

Zack leaned against the wall and said quietly, "No." He wasn't answering Davis, but he was trying to convince himself that Davis wasn't there. Was he going crazy?

"It may be something that you want to take care of. You got a girl back home don't ya?"

Zack looked at him and through gritted teeth, "Don't talk about her you piece of behemoth shit!"

"Oh, did I hit a nerve? So who would you like to fuck more, her or Cloud?" Davis let out a loud laugh when Zack launched another attack that resulted in Zack punching the wall and cracking his knuckles, "Wow that was fun to watch! I think I am going to enjoy this punishment more than you."

Zack dropped to the floor on his knees, "Please just leave me alone!" Zack covered his ears and rocked back and forth.

"I don't know what part I enjoyed more, his fine tight ass and the fight he put up. Or was it the noises he made as I came in his mouth!"

Zack jumped and attacked again, but ended up back on the floor. He held his arms around himself again and sobbed. Davis just laughed and rubbed Zack's leg, "Don't touch me!"

"Oh, I'm just trying to comfort you. I know that you are just trying to come to grips with being a murderer now. Its difficult," Davis stepped over Zack and hovered over him like a looming vulture, "Even if you get out of here, you will always be a prisoner, forever." Davis took his index finger and poked him in the forehead, "I'll be your prison bars right here. You'll always be able to remember the sound of that last crack of bone!" Davis laughed and then walked through the door.

Zack was left alone again and he wondered what Sephiroth and Cloud were doing. Were they being tested again? Were they being tortured, or beaten? Were they thinking about him? How long had he been in here? He didn't know anymore. It seemed like years that he was in this dark cell. He could count how many times that he had been given soup, 22 bowls of soup. Did the bowls of soup represent the days? Had he been in there for 22 days? Was it two or maybe three bowls a week? How long was he going to be there?

…Counting tiles again, he heard the voice that kept him company, "How long are you going to pretend to be such a strong tough guy, when you're really just a big pussy?" Zack looked up at the man sitting there alternating between picking at his finger nails and biting at them, "I mean, one of these days, you're going to get yourself killed, or maybe even that five-star fuck." Davis raised his gaze to Zack's eyes and smiled a huge smile. Zack didn't say anything; he lowered his face back down to his knees, "Oh, you're not talking to me anymore? Well that's no fun. You can't ignore me forever."

Davis got up and moved to sit at his side, "You know, once you get out of this cell, you're just going to go to another one. That is what the rest of your life is going to be," Davis sighed. He elbowed Zack in the ribs, "You might as well get used to the routine. The life of a test subject, such a fucked-up existence, don't ya think?" Zack closed his eyes and shook his head. When he reopened them, Davis was gone.

…After what seemed like another year, he hadn't seen Davis, and he hoped he wouldn't again. His luck was running short though. From right next to his ear he heard, "When you were in Soldier, with your superior officer, did you like giving or receiving? I mean after Angeal died, oh… that's right!" Davis jumped to his feet and paced excitedly.

"Shut up!" Zack screamed.

"Why did you kill him? Was he a bad guy or a good guy?" Davis tapped his finger to his lips then pointed at Zack, "I guess you kill everyone. Don't ya."

Zack looked up from the floor, "Shut up! Get away from me!" He had tears running down and hitting his knees.

Davis lay down on the floor on his back and propped his feet up on the wall. His hands went behind his head. He turned his head to look at Zack, "Did he plead for his life before you sliced him up with your sword?" Zack said nothing, but he scurried over to the other side of the cell. At some point, he'd begun to resemble a trapped animal in a cage. He buried his face on his knees, "What about Sephiroth? You tried to kill him didn't you?" Zack just sat there, tears dripping down. He didn't want Davis to know his was crying. Davis started twirling a shackle with a piece of broken chain around his finger, "I wonder how you're going to kill that exceptionally awesome screw. Sword, gun, knife, or do you want it up close and personal, with your bare hands?"

"Leave me alone!" Zack's face never left his knees.

"You're not going to attack me? I guess I will just have to try harder," Davis paused and waited until Zack lay on his side, his arms curled up in front of his chest. Davis then continued, "Well what about that fine motherfucker, Sephiroth? Would you try to kill him again or not?" Davis waited and Zack said nothing, "Do you think that Cloud and Sephiroth know that you're in here thinking about killing them?" Davis sat up and moved his mouth right up Zack's ear, "Or do they think that they are better off without you?" He sat back on his rear and crossed his legs in front and watched Zack lay there, weakened and frightened, "Well, why don't you just do them a favor and off yourself, go ahead and get it over with. Aerith don't seem to need you anymore, I bet she is fucking every guy that comes around."

When Zack launched himself toward Davis, the side of his head bounced off of the wall with a thud. Zack fell out on the floor and put his hand to his head, when his hand came back bloody, his eyes began to close, "See, there ya go, it wasn't so hard now was it? Bleeding to death isn't so bad, you just fall asleep. Good night specimen Z."

…Zack woke up and his head quit bleeding at some point. Rolling over to his side, he stared straight at the wall, he unconsciously started talking to the empty space of the cell, "They don't need me, nobody does, everybody thinks I'm dead anyway."

"What? You're still alive? You can't even kill yourself? I know you can do better than that!" Davis stepped over Zack, and rolled him to his back and straddled him, "Do you need help? I can help you, all you gotta do is ask me," Davis slapped him across the face, "Come on Fair!" Zack just lay there, confused, lonely and depressed, he closed his eyes.

Davis got up and leaned against the back wall, biting his fingernails, "I got a bet going, which one you are going to kill first? Sephiroth? He was kind of tough when you tried before. You can't seem to kill yourself, ya fucking loser. Or will it be little Cloud. He would be an easy kill. He trusts you and he would never see it coming."

Zack didn't look at Davis, but he tried to sound strong, "I'm never going to let you win."

Davis stood up from the wall, "Oh, you almost sounded convincing that time. Well my bet is that you're going to knock yourself off first. That would at least save the other two." Davis's eyes brightened, "I wonder if they would go to your funeral, knowing that you killed yourself." Davis held a finger up in the air, "I wonder if they would take turns fucking your girl, because she needs to be comforted."

Zack paused and thought to himself, 'I can't let him win… I am stronger than this, I have to fight, I have to try.' He gritted his teeth and breathed out loudly. Zack screamed out as he jolted up and grabbed at Davis. When he stopped and looked, his hands didn't hold Davis by the neck, just open air. He dropped to the floor and longed to be out of there. Back with his friends and away from Davis. Sitting on the floor, staring at the back wall, he waited for Davis to appear again…

He didn't know how long he sat there, in that same spot, but he hadn't heard the cell door open. When a hand touched his shoulder, he turned and looked and it was Drake. He picked him up and Drake half drug, half carried him back to the cell with Cloud and Sephiroth.

As he got closer to the shared cell, he tried to put on his best smile, he was genuinely happy to see them. However, he knew that Davis was right about one thing. He would always be able to hear that crack that the man's neck made. For that reason, he couldn't ever tell either of his friends, especially Cloud, that it bothered him that much. The youngest of them would do nothing but beat himself up and that would have just defeated the purpose of alleviating the stress from Cloud's young shoulders. The thought of the murder always seemed to be right under the surface, and it always would be.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."

Please send me your reviews if you want. It is really easy. Just click your arrow in the little box, write what you thought or felt about the chapter and then click right down there, just below the box. A little lower… a little to the right… yeah, right there! Click it! *grinning*