Ch 4. Bad news

During the afternoon Maxine heard a knock on her door and looked up to see one of her Petty-Officers.

"Ma'am, a visitor for you", he barely could say before Commodore Harris entered her office. She stood quickly upright but he gestured with his hand that she could stay on her chair. He plopped down in one of the chairs in front of her desk and looked at her intensively.

"Sir? Can I help you?", she asked.

"A bloody good show Commander! Just what we need now. A good image how we can tackle terrorist organizations! We have not only our F18 Hornet back with its ammunition, but also all the stolen missiles", he said.

"Thank you sir", Maxine replied.

He continued, "Although we could have done better. A few more men on board could have avoid the casualties. Three dead people is much, but you can't bake an egg without braking the scale, not?"

"Uh, no sir, but uh… you said three dead sailors? I know about Able Seaman Lake and the undercover officer but who's the third?", she asked suspiciously.

"Lieutenant McGregor who was Captain Emma Forbes. She was taken hostage by Joel Oakes. She didn't survive the explosion of the motor boat", he said plainly.

Maxine felt like she received a huge blow in her stomach. She wished that she didn't have eaten at lunch time because she feared that she would see everything back.

"You're sure sir?", she croaked out.

"Absolutely. I've the news straight from the Fed's. They've tried to reanimate her, but she didn't wake up anymore. Maybe better for her! And following her records, she doesn't have family, so she will not be missed", he said coldly.

She nodded, not able to say something while thinking like mad what and how to say it to Mike.

No family?! Forget it rascal! She has more family that you can imagine! But he doesn't say something about the murder.

"But Sir, are you aware about the murder on Able Seaman Lake?"

"Hmm, that? Yeah, nasty case. The ballistic investigation was easy. The kind of grooves in Grantley's gun were the same as on the bullet in Lake's body. But commander, the result of this operation is the most important, so forget the other case", he said convinced.

"Sir, we can't make this! This is a real murder and the proof is there with the ballistic investigation."

He looked at her intensively, "Commander, I expected more from you. Forget it and that's a bloody order!", he snapped.

"Yes sir!", she replied trying not to show that she was fuming.

"Good! Now we understand each other. We're going to use this victory to show the world that we're able to fight back and that terrorism can't develop on our soil! I'll do the necessary to communicate to the press. Next, Lieutenant McGregor and Lieutenant Hobson are going to receive the conspicuous service cross and Able Seaman Lake the conspicuous service medal, posthumously and there will be an official funeral too, of course."

Maxine nodded.

"I'll have a text prepared by my PR service that you can use to read at the funeral. And don't worry about the press, that's something I'll manage. See only that you and your people look impressive at the funeral because there will be some close up shots", he said.

"Ok sir", Maxine said.

I know already that I'll be happy when this will be over!

He stood upright, "So commander, you know what to do? Nice, And now, I've a telecom meeting within a couple of minutes. Oh yes! Before I forget", he said and grabbed in the file he had in his hands, "it was the intention that Lieutenant McGregor got her promotion after the operation."

He handed the document to Maxine who looked at him astonished.

"Bye now", he said producing a artificial smile.

"Yes, bye sir", she mumbled as she stood there with the promotion document in her hand. She sank back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Jeez, what a mess! A medal, what a poor thank you for a life! And her long desired promotion that will serve for nothing anymore!

But, the most difficult part has still to come. How to tell Mike? I don't know, but I have to. It's my function and obligation towards my people, but how? How for God's sake?..

Especially when it goes about them. I've made a wrong judgment about her intentions with Mike back then. I really thought that she was going to use Mike to get higher up, but I was wrong, terribly wrong. It was the worst judgment of my career. Mike had let me know that I had passed the bounders. He was furious and not a little bit. I apologized to Kate and luckily she accepted it. I still remember how guilty and ill-at-ease I felt. Kate was struggling with her feelings too. She was at the point to burst out in tears or to shout at me, but she didn't dare because I was still her commanding officer. Nevertheless, a very awkward moment for both of us. Initially she reacted quite coolly the weeks after that evening, but later on I felt that this was over. Everything has been sorted out and my relation to Kate can be described as better than average. I know they were dating in private and I've been turning a blind eye.

"Max?", she heard the well known voice and a shivering of panic ran down her spine.

Maxine opened her eyes and looked straight in the blue ones of Mike.

Nooooooo!

"Felt asleep Max?", he said light hearted.

"Ah! Uh? Yeah, Mike… Uh… sit down… but close the door", she stammered.

His face got all of a sudden a gloomy glance and he pushed the door in the lock behind him.

Mike hasn't still said anything as he sat down. Maxine could read the fear from his face and that made even more upset.

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath, "Mike,… I'm afraid that I've bad news…", but he cut her off.

"She's dead huh!", he spat out.

Maxine looked at him, swallowed and nodded, "Sorry Mike".

He frowned hurtfully and turned his head off to look outside the window of her desk.

A minute passed before he looked at her again.

"How?"

"She died in the explosion of the motor boat on that shore", Maxine said in a short sentence because she didn't know more and she couldn't say anything else. It wouldn't help.

Mike shook his head, "That wasn't a job for her! She had to refuse it!", he replied angrily.

"Mike, you know better than me how she was. How stubborn she could be and how she bluntly refused to tell that she couldn't do something", she tried to comfort him.

"That's just the reason why I'm so angry!", he snapped.

"Uh Mike?"

"Huh?"

"The commodore told me this and he… he said also that she's going to be awarded with a medal and she … got her promotion", she said ill-at-ease.

He looked at her wildered, "You're laughing at me! Yes you do! Goddamn Max, how can you do that?!", he shouted.

"No Mike! No! That would be the last thing on earth I would do, laughing at you. I knew how much she meant to you!", she said out loud and hurtfully.

He looked at her astonished.

"Don't look at me like that Mike, I'm not blind you know. The fight we've had so long ago about the fact that she had to take distance, seeing you both together, your glances, the efforts that you've done to get your short posting back and to get her promoted."

He looked at a spot on the ground between his feet and her desk without saying anything.

Maxine started hesitated again, "There will be a service, an official service to burry the victims with an honor guard, the day after tomorrow".

He nodded still staring at the floor.

"Then, Caetano stays on board as XO and you'll keep your command on the Hammersley, because uh… the new commander is no …", but he didn't have her finish her sentence and stood upright and started to walk outside.

Maxine stood upright also, "Mike! Don't do foolish things!", she said out loud.

He turned angrily to her, "What could be more foolish? The most foolish thing had happened and you just told me the result!", he snapped before he continued his way out.

Maxine sank back in her chair and leaned in it with slumped shoulders.

This is not the way I hoped the conversation had to follow. A mess! A real mess and I don't know what he's going to do!

In trance Mike walked away, straight to his car and he drove homewards. He left the car at the access and got out of it. He had already the keys of the front door in his hand but he hesitated and put them back. He turned and stepped with fierce steps back to the street and turned into the direction of the city center. He reached one of his favorite pubs and chose a lonely spot to drink a beer and to think over the whole situation.

What has Max been saying? Kate dead? My fiancée dead? What are you saying now? Fiancée? You even haven't proposed yet! How can you call her fiancée? Because I considered her like that. I meant it! I wanted to move on with her and I felt that she wanted that too. But why didn't you say it to her? 'Do you want to marry me?' Six words and not even the most difficult words to pronounce either. But not, you didn't! And why? Yes why?

Because… I can't find the words…. bullshit, six words! Because … she's always that stern? Really? No! Because you're a coward! Yes a coward to express feelings!

…

But now? What now?

Nothing anymore!

…

Is it really? Max wouldn't lie about it. Never.

…

Jeez! I've to tell Nikki! But how?

Telling her, face to face?

No I can't! Then I don't know what to say. Better is by phone. Keeping a bit distance, maybe it's not that cruel then.

A couple of beers later and not that sober anymore he walked back to his house and entered. He grabbed his mobile and plopped in his chair. With a sigh he dialed Nikki's number.

"Caetano speaking!", he heard the clear voice of Nikki and it hurt him to screw up this.

"Nikki, it's Mike, I'm afraid that I don't have good news", he said dully.

"Mike, what do you mean?", she asked suspiciously.

He cleared his throat, "Kate didn't survive", he said simply and felt light in his head.

"What?", she said with a low voice, "What did you say?"

"Sorry Nikki, but Kate is no more. She died in the explosion of that boat."

"Huh? Dead? Kate? That's a mistake!", she said desperately.

Mike started sweating, "No Nikki, no, it is, really. I'm deadly serious."

Oh Mike, you're an asshole, how can you use that word now?

"Nikki?", he asked but he didn't get an answer.

"Nikki?"

Then he heard a click of a closed call and he thought to hear a sob as well.

He threw his mobile on the coffee table and sank backwards in his chair closing his eyes. Millions of images of Kate in all situations and emotions raced through is brain, laughing, talking, discussing, joking, angrily arguing, crying, running, sleeping, cooking, …. When he opened his eyes again his glance felt of a couple of bottles of wine on the cupboard. Quickly he stood upright, did a few steps in that direction and uncorked one. He poured a glass until just under the rim and walked with the bottle and the glass back to his chair spoiling some wine on the rug. Once he sat down he spilt some more on his clothes and emptied the glass in one gulp. Immediately he filled it again.

He took a gulp from the glass and looked at the couch and closed his eyes.

He saw her there on her favorite spot, in the corner, curled up, with her legs on it and under her like only a woman can do. He opened his eyes and the couch was empty and his glance wandered to the place under the coffee table where she usually left her shoes. Quickly after they started seeing each other more often then only for the job, Kate started with the habit to leave her shoes there and to walk barefoot in his house just like she did in her own. But there were no shoes this time…

His thoughts were interrupted by the door bell. He frowned and got upright with a moan. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Nikki.

She was wearing a simple green cotton dress, a pair of low heeled sandals and her hair hung loose over her shoulders. Her eyes were red and puffy and she looked smaller and vulnerable.

"Nikki?!", he said baffled.

"Mike? May I come in?", she asked desperately.

"Yes", he replied and stepped aside to have her passed.

In the corridor she turned to him while he was closing the door.

"Mike, this can't be true? What now? What do I have to do now?", she raged as new tears ran down her cheeks.

"Come", he said tenderly as he ushered her to the living room.

Nikki plopped down at the couch wiping the tears from her cheeks. Mike poured her a glass of wine, gave it to her and sat down next to her. Nikki took a few gulps, sighed and put it down at the coffee table.

"I don't know anymore Mike! First I've lost Josh, he just proposed and wanted to quit the Navy because it was too dangerous. And now my real friend Kate is gone too. We didn't have had the chance anymore to meet each other. I was in Darwin, and she here and when we had shore leave, one of us was at sea or our free time was too short to travel. In one of her last mails she expressed the desire to catch up again, but now…", her voice faltered and she swallowed.

He wrapped his arm around and gave her a hug.

Nikki emptied her glass and he filled both glasses again.

"And you?", she asked softly.

"A few weekends ago I decided to throw these bloody fraternization rules overboard and we've had a nice weekend. I wanted to move on with her and after this operation, this weekend I wanted to propose…", Mike answered, but he couldn't keep his emotions under control due the alcohol and he started to sob.

"…and now she's… dead. I've haven't even had the chance to tell her this! She has never know! And that kills me!", he murmured.

Nikki wrapped her arm around him and started to cry also.

Later that evening, both were far from sober anymore and Nikki has just managed to get a cork out of another bottle of red wine. She poured two glasses and swayed back to the couch. Meanwhile she had left her shoes at the same spot where Kate has left them usually. That had caused a slight smile by Mike.

"I … don't ca…care any…anymore whwhat they mi..might thinkkkk", she slurred.

She handed his glass to him and plopped down at the couch causing a huge spot on her dress by spilling the half of her glass.

"F*ck!", she mumbled before drinking the other half.

"Do …do you …you know wha… what I've to do?", he stammered staring at the coffee table.

Due to the fact he didn't hear an answer he looked at her and he saw that she has fallen asleep.

"You…you'rrrre sleeeeping. Isss good", he slurred as he stood upright.

Mike bent over the couch, took the empty glass out of her hand and he lay Nikki in a comfortable position. Then he opened the lid of a footstool and grabbed a blanket. He spread it over her and stumbled to his bedroom. As a trunk he felt on his bed and was asleep at once.

The next day Mike woke up slightly. Moaning he turned on his back and tried to figure out where he was. Finally he discovered that the ceiling looked diagonally because he lay over his bed. Slowly he got upright and sat at the edge of the bed rubbing his face.

"Uh? I've my cloths still on? Oh yes Kate, Damn!", he mumbled.

"Shower! Coffee and strong!", he let follow. He undressed completely and shuffled naked to the bathroom. 15 minutes he felt better and he left the bathroom with a towel around his middle. When he wanted to walk into his bedroom he heard a loud snoring from out of the living room. He lifted surprised his eyebrows and padded to there.

"Jeez! Just a ragdoll!", he murmured as he saw Nikki on the couch. Her dress had slit upwards so that her undies were completely visible and one leg and one arm lay of the couch. With her other hand she clenched the blanket.

Indeed, now I remember, Nik was here last night. Pfft, I'm lucky that she's still asleep. I dare not to think to the fact that I would have bumped into her when I was on my way the bathroom, naked! I would have fooled myself for ever!

He walked back to his bedroom, put the clothes from the day before in the laundry bin and got dressed. He walked back to the living room and shook gently Nikki's shoulder.

"Nikki", he said.

He had to repeat it a few times before there came a bit life in her.

She opened her eyes a bit and then more when she saw it was Mike.

"Uh?"

"You're ok?", he asked knowing that this was a stupid question.

"No", she said faintly as she shuffled upright.

"Great!", Nikki muttered as she saw where the skirt of her dress was.

Slowly she sat upright and leaned against the back of the couch.

"I've put a set of towels in the bathroom for you. You want a good coffee as well?", he said to her softly.

"That's all ok Mike thanks, but, please don't yell like that! My head is bursting!", she mumbled.

With a moan Nikki stood upright.

"Oh my God!", she exclaimed as she saw the huge red wine spot on her dress.

"I can't leave like that! How on earth can I get this out of my dress?", she muttered.

"Nik, go to my bedroom, Kate has some clothes in my wardrobe as well. For sure you'll find something because you both have the same size", he replied.

"Ok, but Kate…?", she said frowning.

He shrugged, "she doesn't need them anymore! I'll prepare coffee and some breakfast, if you want."

With a 'hmm' Nikki shuffled to the bathroom.

A bit later she walked back and Mike got a shock when he saw her in Kate's cloths, a checked blouse and a jeans. He swallowed but didn't say anything.

Nikki sat down and put her head in her hands.

"Mike, do you have some aspirins, they're actually trying to split my head with an ax", she said.

"Yep, wait", he said as he started walking to the bathroom.

When he came back with the tablets she hasn't changed position. He offered her them in a glass of water and she drank it.

"Coffee, navigator brew?", he asked awaiting gauging her reaction.

A slight smile appeared, "Yes please".

He poured two cups and sat down. He observed her as she drank. Her eyes were still thick of the grief from last night.

"You feel better?"

She nodded, "Yeah, the shower did a miracle and he brew too."

"Food?"

"A bit of toast will do."

"Right!", he said as he stood upright and walked to the cupboard to take the necessary things.

"How do you feel?", she asked him.

Mike shrugged, "I don't know yet. It's still too much, I can't catch the fact that I'll never see her again."

"Well, she's not dead!", Nikki said determined, "I have the feeling that she's there, somewhere", she said gesturing with her hand to the window.

"Nik, don't fool yourself", Mike replied as he put two slices of bread in the toaster.

Nikki shrugged as well but didn't say anything, because she felt the strange mood of Mike.

"What now?", she asked after a bite from the toast.

"The funeral is tomorrow and I guess that Knocker wants us to sail the day after or two days later, as distraction. It's something that I would order too if I was in her place", he said.

"And me? I was temporally XO on the Hammersley", Nikki asked after taking another sip of coffee.

"Maxine has said that you stay on board as XO and me as CO. Normally I had to get my shore posting back after the operation, but the situation is different now", he said and the last part of the sentence became difficult for him.

"I see, hmm, I guess that I'll hear that from her as well", she said.

"For sure."

They finished breakfast and stood upright.

"Do you feel better?", he asked her.

"More or less, it's not over yet, but it's not that bad anymore. I'll give you a hand", Nikki said as she reached for the cups.

"No, no, let me do that, I really need something to do", he said as he took over the cup from her.

"Sure?"

"Yeah absolutely."

"Well, uh, then I'll go. Later this morning I go back to the ship. Now that I know that I stay there I can better settle me and do a check up of everything on board", she said as she start looking around.

"Good idea, but what are you looking for?"

"My shoes!"

"Coffee table", he deadpanned.

"Aha! Thanks!", she said as she padded to there.

To be continued