Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

A/N: The italics are thoughts and feelings of mostly Cloud and Seph that Zack is feeling. It is a flashback of sorts. Even though Zack is feeling these emotions, it is from the prospective of the other two guys. It is somewhat fragmented sentences and thoughts, it's written that way for a reason so just go with the flow.

There are some mature themes in this chapter, like references to Cloud's assault. You've been warned.

Reviews, critiques and flames are welcome. I absolutely love all reviews about the story as it gives me motivation, I use good constructive criticism to help my writing improve and I feed the flames to the fires of my imagination.

Thanks to my before posting betaQueen of Jokers and my after posting beta SubZeroChimera!

"But better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie." –Khaled Hosseini

Chapter 47

The cool morning air hit his face. It brought his emotions that he had held on to while in the house, up and out. He hadn't processed everything at first, but the longer he stayed in the house the faster it came. He just had to leave, maybe go for a run. As he ran, the thoughts, the memories, everything circled and spiraled in his mind and like a tornado, it broke apart pieces that once were solid and unbreakable.

He ran…

First there was Sephiroth's feelings and his conflict with Jade. Then his painful descent into a death-like sleep.

The smell of the fire in Cloud's hometown, human flesh searing in the heat.
Rage.
Rage at the thought of life.
Rage at the thought of death.
Rage at Zack, Shinra, Hojo, Cloud and himself.

Disgust at himself for liking the way the power felt.
The feel of hot blood, Zack's blood on his hand, wiping it off of his sword with a content smile.
Stabbing the little blond pest and liking the look of anguish on his young face.
Enjoying the feel of all the strength, but not being able to stop himself.

The silver-haired warrior was just along for the ride; a ride that was as painful as any torture that Hojo could come up with.
The emotional pain coming from lack of control by killing those he swore to protect in the name of Shinra and Soldier.
His utter surprise at Cloud's resilience caused a new kind of anger.
The look of distress on Cloud's face as he watched Sephiroth fall into the reactor core.

The loathing he felt about the sight of his reflection and the man he used to be.
Breaking the mirror and taking a shard of it and the desperate feeling of despising the abomination that Hojo created.
Cutting at his arm and watching the swirl of the blood and water.

Annabelle, his first love, she was going to have his child.
The utter outrage of her death.
Closing himself from other intimate and friendly human contact for so long.
Only meaningless sexual encounters, one after another.
The devastating distance that he kept all of his former friends, more than just arm length away.

He ran…

He could feel Cloud's feelings for Tifa.
The kind of love that a boy grows up wanting forever.

The memories of growing up battling everyday just to be accepted.

The memories of daydreams.
Tifa, the way the afternoon sun fell on her face, her form gliding toward him.
Looking at her from across the classroom, watching her laugh and talk with her friends.
The gentle feel of her hand slipping into his as they walked.

Then there is anger and pain, old wounds rose in his heart.
Standing in the kitchen at the bar, resting his forehead on something cold, his eyes closed, he smells her sweet scent.
His thoughts flooding him and feeling overwhelmed.
The fear of giving into his anger.

Then later when she comes to him, the swelling in his heart as he takes her into his arms and kisses her with an abundance of love in his soul.
The softness of her under him, his hands clutching the sheet.
His face in the pillow that is covered in her hair, her scent.
Then the feel of her passionate breath on his shoulder and the pure happiness that he feels with her.

His younger self sitting across from his mother and her crying for him.
His father, no, not his father, his mother's rapist.
The anger, panic, sorrowful feelings, for all the years he blamed his mother when all she did was want to protect him.

The ultimate betrayal he felt at the sight of his hero, Sephiroth, killing everyone, and then the task of killing him fell on his shoulders; his young and inexperienced shoulders.

Then he could see himself through Cloud's eyes, holding his hand out, falling to the floor in Aerith's house.
Terror filling his soul, his face fading as Cloud is taken back to Jenova.
The painful dominance that Jenova has on him, her claws, her tentacles.
The utter anguish he went through at her hands.

Zack was suddenly angry with himself again for almost coming between Cloud and Tifa. The fits that his blond friend had were explained and clearer to him now. Only feeling one of Cloud's confrontations with Jenova was more than enough.

He felt and understood what Cloud's love for him meant.
Cloud would easily put his life out there for him, just as Zack had.
Cloud respected him, loved him and needed him, the comfort he felt when Zack's arms were around him; the whole time in the lab, Zack was all he had left.
Everyone he knew was dead, or so he thought.
The sadness, heartbreak, loneliness and anger at Zack for dying and leaving him alone.

It dawned on Zack that they needed each other but they were reminded of their shared pain when they were together.

He ran…

Then suddenly he was lying on his stomach, looking at the floor and toilet, his naked body covering the cold tile.
Shivers running through his body from the frigid air, unyielding anger and relentless pain shook him.
Cloud's bloody hands reaching out blindly, panicked, wanting and needing anything to grab on to.

A feeling of shame draped him, shame at the fact that Davis was having his way with him.
Shame that he wasn't able to really fight it anymore, the shame that he was just a plaything for Davis to do with what he wanted.
The tight grip that the guard held on his waist and hips, painfully pulling back, and then the painful push forward, over and over in a steady rhythm.
His body rocked with the force of Davis' thrusts and the boy's scared screams and pleads going unanswered.

The helplessness, his screaming was soon muffled by the hand over his face.
Fighting, feeling extremely weak from the fight and his injections.
The pain, the humiliation.
Large, heavy hands turning him over and choking him again, darkness, and then it's his face again.
Panicked screaming and trying to push him away, but Davis pinned his arms down and then he sat on his chest and took a hold of the blonde's head in one hand and guided himself toward Cloud's tightly pursed lips…

Zack tripped, falling to his hands and knees, vomiting on the ground, he just thought he knew what Cloud went through, but to actually see it, to feel it. He wiped the sweat and tears from his face with his shirt and what was left on his lips, he wiped away unconsciously with his hand and stood up slowly.

He ran…

He felt Sephiroth's and Cloud's pain and torture, the injections, the surgeries and the endless, painful and degrading tests.
Both of them struggling to maintain control of their tortured screams and the painful mako and Jenova injections.
The look of a black-haired man, him, fighting in his restraints to help his friend.
Seeing his own face through Cloud's eyes during one of the surgeries brought out a tear from his eye.

The pain that accompanied the screams of agony from both of his friends, being cut open, cold fingers probing what was never intended to be probed.

The memories and thoughts of Sephiroth and Aerith together.
He felt what Sephiroth felt for her, what he felt when he was with her.
Flashes of her in the morning, with the sunlight lighting her up like the Phoenix.
Her passion burned into his heart, his soul, his flesh.
She was forever in his thoughts.
The feel of her skin next to his.
The sight of her in the kitchen, drinking coffee with a smile on her face.
The comfort he felt with her next to him.
Seeing her tend to her flowers, with a smudge of dirt on her cheek.
A warm hand rising and wiping at it, then a kiss.
Seeing her, watching her eat, sleep, feeling the pain of his love in his heart for her.

A deep, intimate kiss, lying down with her, her smile at their mutual peak of ecstasy.
Her soft hand stroking his long silver hair in her afterglow as they fell asleep in each other's arms.
The despair he felt when he was laying on the floor and watching Aerith cry at what she perceived to be his death.

He began to think that maybe Sephiroth might love her more than he did. When Zack was with her it was a different time, different circumstances. He hated the thought of them together, but he couldn't see them apart either. His heart broke into a thousand pieces with every step that he took.

He ran faster…

Sephiroth looked at the ancient as thoughts flooded him in an unrelenting sea of feelings, memories and overbearing emotions. He closed his eyes and all the images from Cloud and Zack bombarded him in a tidal wave. Seeing Aerith holding Sephiroth through Zack's eyes shocked him, he grabbed the side of the bed. He knew that Zack loved her, but the pain he was in right now was way more than Zack let on.

"Seph! What's happening?"

Sephiroth kept his eyes closed and shook his head, "I… Zack, and Cloud… their memories and feelings. I think we…" He put his forehead down on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him. Stroking his hair, she started praying silently, "Aerith, I need to see Zack. Now."

Reno still sat in the chair and his eyes followed Tifa back from the hallway. Tifa looked at him, staring at her. She quickly leaned across the table with her hands down flat, "What?!"

Reno smiled and raised his eyebrows at her, "I was just thinking how happy you were in my daydreams."

Rude quietly whistled a 'uh oh' tone.

Barret reached over and smacked Reno in the back of his head. The Turk's head went forward and almost hit the table and Rude jerked and readied for a fight. Reno slowly slid his chair out from under the table and stood chest to chest with the very large angry man. Reno had to look up a good 6 inches to relay in his calm Turk voice, "Do you really want to start some shit with me big boy?"

"I would love to see you laid out flat on the ground bleeding, so… yeah!" Barret poked his chest out more making Reno stumble back a couple of steps. The red-head took out his EMR and held it down at his side, ready to strike.

"Okay boys! Just cut it out!" Tifa got between them and Jessie got a hold of Barret's other arm, "We have enough going on without you two getting into a damn pissing contest."

Harding stood slowly and ran his hands through his thick brown hair, "We still need to discuss the way to block Jade's hold on them."

Aerith came downstairs followed closely by Sephiroth who seemed to be much better. Without acknowledging the looks of relief, the silver-haired man quickly asked the entire group of people, "Where is Zack?"

"He had to go out for some fresh air," Tifa still stood between Reno and Barret and small amounts of chatter filled the air.

Sephiroth smacked his hand down on the table, clearly agitated, "How long has he been gone?!"

Tifa took a step toward him, "He's been gone for maybe a little over half an hour. Why?"

Sephiroth's face twisted, "I don't know how to tell… We just need to find him."

Tifa looked at Aerith and stepped over to her and whispered, "Do you know what is going on?" Aerith shook her head.

Reno stepped closer to Rude and whispered something to him. He turned around, "We'll go look for him and you cats stay here." Reno and Rude took their leave and Barret and Jessie sat back down.

Aerith went into the kitchen and started some breakfast and Tifa headed straight for Sephiroth. She surprised him by wrapping her arms around him, "I am so glad you're okay," as she buried her face in his shoulder, he returned her hug and rubbed her back reassuringly. She looked up at him with tears welling in her eyes, "You make an ugly corpse." She strained a small unsure smile.

He also smiled a nervous smile, "So I've heard." He rubbed her back a little more and she stepped away and around him, taking the stairs two at a time. Walking into the room, she walked slowly to the bed, almost afraid of finding the thing that was in Cloud's body instead of the man she loved.

Cloud lay there, breathing slowly and his eyes moved under his lids. She wondered what she would see when she lifted his eyelid. She sat lightly on the side of the bed and reached toward his face. She pried his eyelid open and a few tears spilled over as she looked into his beautiful deep blue glowing eyes. She took her hand back and sighed with her hands to her face.

"Tifa?" She jumped and turned at the quiet and shaky voice. When she turned, Cloud was sitting up and holding his head with one of his hands. She lunged at him and wrapped her arms around him tightly, "Whoa… did you learn that from Zack?"

"I was so scared Cloud!" She cried about the whole ordeal of thinking that she lost him, it was almost too much for her to handle. The entire day and night had sent her into a near nervous breakdown.

"Yeah, I was too," Cloud sat back and took her by her upper arms, "Are you hurt?" She shook her head. He pulled her shirt back away from her shoulder and looked at the bandaging, cradling her face in his palm, "Tifa… I am so sorry…" He lowered his head.

"It wasn't you. You didn't do this. It isn't your fault," She lowered her head so she was looking at his face.

"I fought, I couldn't let… I almost killed…" He grabbed her and hugged her tightly before he started to groan and he shut his eyes tightly. He took one of his hands and put it up to cover his face.

"Cloud? Are you okay? What's happening?" She stood up quickly.

"All the thoughts, feelings… Sephiroth… uh… Zack's memories…" He shook his head and lay over to his side away from Tifa.

"Cloud, please let me help you." She reached over to his shoulder.

In a strained voice, "Tifa… please," A small and almost unseen recoil of his shoulder alarmed her.

"But Cloud, I-"

"Get Seph," Cloud's shoulders shook.

Tifa stepped out to the hallway, "Seph!" Sephiroth ran quickly up the stairs and stopped in front of her, she looked at him, "It's Cloud, there's something wrong."

He walked into the room, Cloud laid on the bed on his side, his shoulders shaking gently, "Cloud, what is it?"

His voice sounded tired, pained, "Seph? Everything is happening at once. The labs, the fire, death, everything."

Sephiroth lowered his head, "It will calm down in a few more minutes." Sephiroth stepped over to the night table and picked up the glass of water. He walked around the bed and sat next to him. Cloud uncovered his face enough to see Sephiroth sitting there, "Here is some water." Cloud sat up, wincing at the pain in his abdomen and drank what was left in the glass.

"Where is Zack?" He asked as he handed the glass back to Sephiroth.

"He left," Sephiroth's eyes lowered to his legs.

"We need to find him before-"

Softly, Sephiroth responded, "I know."

Tifa walked slowly down the stairs and into the living room. Taking a place on the couch, she shook her head, she had to do something. She just couldn't sit by and do nothing. Zack was still gone, Cloud was in some sort of pain and Sephiroth was recovering. Barret called to her, breaking her thoughts, "Hey, Harding here has a plan, but we need to get everybody together."

She stood back up and straightened her shirt, "I'll be right there." Going upstairs, she passed the bedroom and saw that Cloud and Sephiroth were talking. It seemed serious and she kind of wished that she had enhanced hearing. After changing out of her pajamas, she went past the room again and noticed Cloud and Sephiroth were not in there anymore. When she got to the kitchen, everyone was there, seemingly waiting on her.

Cloud stepped forward and addressed everyone, "We need to find Zack, but we also have something else going on," He looked over at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth stayed in his spot, "Cloud, Harding and I need to go back to Nibelheim." Sephiroth looked over at Cloud and continued, "But before that, there are some things we need from the Shinra building."

Barret spoke up, "If Tifa's involved, count me in. If we are fighting Shinra, I'm all over it like a rabid mother-in-law, besides, I've never been to Nibelheim."

Cloud glanced at Tifa, "I don't want you to go, it's too dangerous."

Tifa crossed her arms and her face hardened, "Cloud Strife! Don't you dare act like I am some helpless little girl."

Cloud smiled at her and his heart warmed, "Okay, just stay by me," She lowered her arms and nodded her head.

Aerith's voice spoke from behind the fence of men, "I'm going to!"

Sephiroth turned to her quickly, "Aerith! No, I will not allow it!"

Cloud put his hand on the back of his head and looked in the opposite direction and whispered, "Oh, boy…"

Aerith's voice rose and she stood up to Sephiroth's face as much as she could, "What?! You won't allow it? Well I'm not staying here by myself either! Listen you enormous gorilla, I'm coming with you whether you 'allow it' or not!" Her face did not change from her exasperated expression.

A few giggles left some of the others in the room as the proud silver General squirmed in his spot, "Fine… you will come." Sephiroth looked back over toward Cloud and all he got was a huge smile on Cloud's face. He mouthed to Cloud, "Shut up."

Tifa looked over at Jessie, "Could you stay here and help run the bar and everything else?"

Jessie didn't look happy at the thought of not going with everyone. She sighed loudly and looked around, "Fine, just keep me in the loop."

Tifa stepped toward Cloud and Sephiroth, "Reno and Rude are out looking for Zack, so…"

Harding put his hand in the air, "I wasn't listening, I was writing a list. Where was it you said that you were going first?"

Sephiroth and Cloud said in unison, "Shinra building."

Harding looked back at the table and said under his breath, "That's a suicide mission."

When the phone in the kitchen rang, everyone jumped and Sephiroth quickly answered it, "Hello?" Looking at Cloud, Sephiroth's demeanor changed to his more hardened General days and as the conversation was brief, the larger man relaxed only slightly, "We will be here." He hung the phone up and turned back to Cloud, "We may have some unexpected help."

Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."

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