A/N: Okay, so I've been reading the reviews I've been getting, and I really need to say this.
As I've stated before, I went through what Caroline has went through. A lot of the experiences and even the nightmares and flashbacks she has in this story are some of my own. This started out as a personal story to me, a way to kind of face my demons and battle them in my own special way. And for that reason, I get a little…hurt, I guess is a good way of saying it, whenever I receive a review that is just downright unkind. I need to clear the air about a couple of things.
This was NOT supposed to be a fluffy story. Sure, there will be fluff, and I even know how I'm gonna end it – I've known since before I started to write it. I realize that with the past mentions of abuse, etc. may make it not always a great story to read, but the abuse is emphasized, and if you can't handle it, DON'T READ IT. I don't want to get reviews about how the stuff she went through is horrible and nobody wants to read about it. I understand it's hard to read sometimes, but people actually live this shit and it's not a story of abuse. It's a story about a girl who was abused, who went through hell, and managed to get herself out of it. She managed to save herself and she is HEALING.
Also, my Damon is based on my husband and my Elena is based on my best friend. I have been married to my husband for 9 YEARS and I still try to take care of myself. I still try to handle my problems by myself and I still try to shut him out. It's a monthly occasion now, to where it was almost daily in the beginning. What I'm trying to say is, so far, Caroline and Damon have only been together a few months, and for someone to get involved with someone as hurt as this Caroline is, it's going to be a major switch for him. He's not going to know the right things to say or do at first. He's going to be as confused as hell and even say the wrong things sometimes. It's a learning process and it takes fucking TIME.
ALSO, I realize that I've emphasized how broken she is. And I guess I just wanted people to realize that Caroline has been through a lot. I guess I've over-emphasized it, but I'm bi-polar. And you might be wondering what the hell that has to do with anything, but part of my mental illness is the fact that I tend to repeat myself A LOT. It's part of the illness, and I have no beta right now. My husband used to beta for me, but he started a full-time job, which is like almost 70 hours a week, and can't beta for me anymore. I tried to get a beta, but I never get PMs back, so I'm on my own right now. I'm going to try really hard to try not to repeat myself, but if I do, I'm really sorry about that. I can't exactly help it.
Okay, now on to the story. Sorry about this long-ish note, but these things needed to be said. Enjoy the story and hopefully I'll be able to write more soon.
"Can I ask you a question?"
Caroline was sewing up lace on a very fancy dress when Damon had called her. He had mentioned something about wanting to come and see her, but had something or other to do. It didn't bother Caroline any. It was Saturday night and Caroline had nothing better to do than work on the back orders she had. When Damon called Caroline, she thought she could at least talk to him.
"Sure," Caroline said. "What is it?"
"The nightmares –" Damon started, but Caroline shut that down immediately.
"I don't wanna talk about it," Caroline said. "I don't like to talk about it."
"I think you should," Damon pushed. "I know you don't want to, but part of healing is talking, Care. I want you to get better, and I want you to trust that I'm here for you."
Caroline sighed, "I know you are. It's just…I have issues."
"I know that," Damon said, "and I knew that coming in. I know you have issues, and I love you anyway. I know you've been through hell, Care, and I want to be there for you. Please believe that."
Caroline could feel the tears start to flow. Damn it, she really didn't want to cry right now. Why the hell couldn't she realize that Damon just wanted to help? What the hell was even wrong with her?
"I'm sorry, Damon," Caroline said. "I just feel…I'm scared. I do trust you, in my own way, okay? I feel like I should guard my secrets, that I should just only trust myself – and, y'know, Mother and my siblings, - but there's something about you. I just…" Caroline rubbed a hand over her face. She wiped away the few tears that had strayed out of her eyes. "Goddamn it, I'm so fucking confused."
Damon let out a breath he'd been holding; finally, fucking finally, he was getting somewhere with her. After a few moments, he said, "I'm always gonna be here for you, Caroline. Always."
"Okay," Caroline said. "How about I finish my dress and then I'll come see you? Are you home?"
"Yeah. Matt just took over my shift at the Grill, so I'm headed there. How soon?"
Caroline sighed and looked down; the lace was almost finished. "Give me ten minutes to finish this dress up, and then I'll be on my way. I'll be there as soon as I can, alright? I'm gonna stay the night."
"Sure thing," Damon said, pretty overjoyed that they were finally, fucking finally going to get things out into the open. "I'll be waiting."
Caroline smiled, "Great. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll see you. I love you, Caroline."
"I love you, too," Caroline said, even though it felt a little weird to say.
She was finished with the lace work in six minutes, going to house to pack up a few clothes. Klaus was there, playing Halo with Kol. Caroline cocked her head and looked at her brother, "What are you doing here?"
"I live here," Klaus said.
"I wasn't talking to you," Caroline said. "Kol, what are you doing here?"
Kol shrugged, "Playing Halo. Can't you see that?"
Caroline rolled her eyes, "Yeah, duh. It's Saturday night, and I figured that you'd be working."
"Damon took over for me tonight," Kol answered, shooting at Klaus on screen. "He said I've been working a lot and wanted to give me a couple of days off. It's nice to be here."
Caroline nodded, "Sure, sure, I get it." She watched her brothers for a moment before saying, "Well, Damon called earlier. I'm gonna go over there for the night."
Klaus paused the game, and both Klaus and Kol gave her a look like they couldn't believe it. "What's going on?" Klaus asked.
Caroline sighed, "So, I kinda had a nightmare while we were at Elijah and Rose's last weekend – and Damon wanted to know more about it, about why I had it. Y'know, about what it was about and everything. So he called me tonight and I told him I'd go over there overnight and we'd talk about it."
Kol watched Caroline closely, "Does this mean what I think it means?"
Caroline licked her lips nervously, "Yeah, it does. I'm gonna open up to him."
Klaus and Kol looked at each other nervously, and then Klaus grinned, "I'm so fucking glad to hear you say that, Caroline."
Caroline smiled, "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go pack a bag. I'll be out of your guys' hair soon."
When Caroline went upstairs, Kol looked at Klaus, "Do you think she's really gonna do it?" he asked. "I mean, Mother's been trying to get Caroline to open up to someone other than family for years. Do you think all that pestering is gonna finally pay off?"
"I don't think it's because of Mother's 'pestering'," Klaus said, actually using air quotes. "I think it's because Caroline's finally found the one person she knows she can trust."
-x-
Caroline was on the road within ten minutes, after packing up her clothes and hygiene supplies, and was at the boarding house in an hour, opposed to the two hour drive is was supposed to be. Traffic was really light, which surprised Caroline, considering it was eight o'clock on a Saturday night.
Caroline knew she could do this. After all, she had opened up to her family and she had opened up to Elena; she could open up to Damon. She had to. After all, he loved her and she loved him. He wasn't going to run away and he wasn't going to leave. She had to start trusting him a little.
The thing was, after all, that she did trust Damon – at last, in her own special way. She trusted him enough to sleep in the same room with him, which meant that she trusted him not to murder her in her sleep. He had never raised a hand to her, and after all, Elena did trust him. For the first time in her life, Caroline felt safer with a guy – with Damon. When he was around, she didn't feel so…alone.
When she got to the boarding house, Elena and Stefan were in the parlor, sitting on the couch. Caroline went in and said, "Hey guys."
"Hey, Care," Stefan said. "What're you doing here?"
Caroline sighed, "Well, Damon and I need to talk."
Elena looked at Caroline nervously, "You're not gonna break up with him…are you?"
Caroline smiled, "I have absolutely no intention of doing that. I just…I wanna clear the air about some stuff."
Elena nodded, looking pretty deep in thought, and Stefan said, "He's in his bedroom."
"Thanks, Stef," Caroline said. "I'll see you guys later."
They nodded, but didn't say anything. Caroline went up the stairs and into Damon's bedroom. He was lying back on his bed, flipping through the channels on his TV. When he saw Caroline enter, he seemed to perk up a little.
"Hey, Care," he said. She set down her duffel bag and went over to sit down on his bed beside him. Damon flipped off the TV and smiled at her.
"Hey, Damon," she said. "So…I think we should talk."
"You know, those are usually the words I hate to hear, but I'm kind of grateful to hear you say them," Damon laughed. "I want you to know that you can tell me absolutely anything. I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise. I want you to feel comfortable to tell me anything you're thinking."
Caroline nodded, "Okay."
She took a deep breath and interlaced her fingers with Damon's. "When I was a kid and in foster care, I heard so many times that I wasn't wanted. My case worker said it more than once, and the first foster family I was with used to say it all the time. It's a terrible feeling when someone tells you that nobody wants you. I…I've spent most of my life trying to fit in, trying to prove to people that I am worth wanting, that I'm a good person. All I wanted was to be wanted. For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to be adopted. When a person, or persons adopt a kid, it's because they want them, because they chose them. I wanted to be chosen so badly. For a long time, it was practically my only ambition."
Damon just nodded as Caroline took a breath.
"I was only in two different foster homes. There were the Joneses and then there were the Mikaelsons. The thing was that, even though I was only in two different homes, I am pretty emotionally scarred from the stuff that happened in the first home. And along with the abuse, they were pretty emotionally abusive to me as well. They said things and they were pretty nasty about everything. But they didn't want me, Damon, because I wasn't perfect. And to this day, I have these nightmares where I'm back in foster care again, back at the Jones' house, and they're telling me I'm not wanted. They're telling me that nobody could want me, that I'm not perfect." She looked Damon directly in the eyes and said, "They tell me that you couldn't want someone as broken as I am."
Damon licked his lips before saying, "Care, none of that is true. I think it's absolute bullshit. I don't want a perfect girlfriend. And do you know why?"
Caroline shook her head silently, waiting for Damon to continue.
"Because," Damon said, looking deeply into her eyes, "I would feel inadequate next to you. If you were perfect, I would feel the pressure to be perfect, too. I love you, imperfections and all."
"Really?" Caroline asked, her voice small.
"Come here," Damon said, patting the space right next to him. Caroline slid up and sat with her back against the headboard. Damon interlaced their fingers and said, "I love you just the way you are. Okay?"
"Okay," Caroline whispered.
"I don't want you to be embarrassed about it, either, Care," Damon said. "I want you to know that I love you, everything about you, and –"
"Please don't say that," Caroline laughed. "I don't care what those lovesick fools say; nobody loves absolutely everything about their significant other, okay?"
Damon laughed, "Okay, okay. I gotcha. Sorry I said that, and yes, you've got habits that bother me. I'm sure that I've got some that drive you crazy, too."
"You do," Caroline said.
"Are we good then, Care?" Damon asked.
Caroline smiled and nodded, "Yeah, we're good. We're really good."
"Can I kiss you then?" he asked her. Caroline nodded.
"Come here so I can kiss you," Damon said, and Caroline straddled his lap. She covered his lips with hers and right away, remembered how much she loved kissing Damon. They hadn't had a proper make-out session in a really long time, with all the drama she'd been going through, and had forgotten how much she loved kissing him. His lips were so soft, so warm, so fucking inviting. As they kissed, Damon's hands roamed her body, massaging her sides and landed on her hips. The kiss turned dirty, with Damon kissing her hungrily, devouring her mouth with his.
Caroline broke the kiss long enough to reach around and pull her T-shirt up and off her body. As she sat there in her bra and jeans, on Damon's lap, Damon's hands ran back up her body, with him massaging her breasts. Caroline leaned in to kiss him one more time.
"Please tell me you've got condoms," Caroline said, and Damon nodded.
"I want you to make love with me, Damon," Caroline almost whispered, and Damon groaned.
"God, it's so goddamned sexy to hear you say that, Care," Damon said. Caroline grinned, getting up to rid her of her clothes.
Damon got rid of his, too, and Caroline got into his nightstand drawer where she knew he kept his condoms. She got one out and kissed him again, filthily. She tore open the foil packet and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't wait. I need to feel you inside me."
Damon nodded. "It's fine," he said. "In fact, it sounds perfect."
She rolled the condom on him and sank down on him ever so slowly. It'd been a while since they'd been intimate like this, so she took a little extra time, feeling herself stretching to accommodate him. She groaned once she was fully seated; he felt even more amazing than she remembered.
She attacked his lips with hers as she started to slowly move. When she broke this kiss a moment later, she moved down to nip and suck at his neck, and he groaned.
"God, Care," Damon said, clearly lost in the moment, "You feel so fucking good."
Caroline smiled a little at that, "You feel good, too. Really fucking good, as a matter of fact."
She started moving faster and was grateful that Damon was leaving it all up to her how fast she was moving. She attacked his mouth with hers, and he groaned a moment later, "Come on, Care," he said, feeling that she was close. "I know you're close. I want you to come, baby. Come for me."
His talking pushed her over the edge and she came around him, with him coming a moment later. As he filled the condom, he groaned low, "Shit, Care, so fucking good."
She got up off him so he could rid himself of the condom and she lay down in his bed next to him. As they cuddled, enjoying the afterglow, Caroline said, "This is a little different, a little…strange, I guess, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. I wouldn't give you up for anything, Damon. Please believe me."
Damon smiled a little and said, "I know, Caroline. And, believe me, I'm so fucking grateful for that."