Hello my beautiful readers!
First of all a massive thank you to every single one of you, you are all amazing! Your support means the world to me and can transform a really awful day into a great one. My grandpa died on Friday and honestly your kind reviews made all of this so much easier. Knowing that you are not alone can change your entire outlook on life! This chapter especially, was difficult to go over considering the stuff going on with my family atm.
An important thank you to Beetle126, Lisveth13, Raven that flies at night, guest, anya, Marie0907, madwamoose and guest for your reviews!
Now I'm so sorry for the pain I caused last chapter! I honestly did not think you guys would be so affected by Beverleys death, and if anything, for this chapter you're going to need a box of tissues!
This chapter is dedicated to my grandfather, may he rest in peace, I love you xo
"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness.
They are a sign of a pure heart."
-Jose N Harris
To an outsider, it would seem as though nothing had changed. Exams were ongoing, classes were attended, students procrastinated, meals were eaten; But beneath the façade of normality lay the deception of the dark.
To one looking close enough, they would see how wands were gripped tightly in students hands, they'd notice that very rarely someone was unaccompanied. They would notice that beneath exuberant smiles panic was brewing, they would notice a silence perpetuating through the halls, drowning out any and all noise.
It was the realisation of the upcoming war to those too young to understand what war meant.
It had been 35 years, since somebody had died on the grounds of Hogwarts. They had said that it was the safest place in England, the only place that was safe from the oppression of Voldemort's acts of terror. They had drawn lines in the sand between the war and Hogwarts; however the problem with lines in the sand is that with a breath they disappear.
And disappear they did.
"It is not yet, the end of this school year." Said Dumbledore, looking out at all the students, he paused and looked at each of the tables for a moment, his twinkling eyes subdued as he gazed at the Gryffindor table, whom by far had the most sullen and pale faces in the hall. "However I am sure that none of us want nothing more for it to be."
"There is much I would like to say, but it seems that I cannot string together appropriate words for the tragedy that occurred last week. As most of you have heard, today we are one number short. Beverley Wilkins ought to be sitting amongst us, eating and drinking and laughing."
In the middle of the Gryffindor table sat those most deeply affected, the seventh year Gryffindor's, Beverley's classmates. Their faces were pale and gaunt, Tears were glistening in their bloodshot eyes which were adorned with dark circles.
'yes, yes she should.' Elizabeth Gilmore mused bitterly. Even a week later she still felt so numb, a gaping hole resided where her heart was. Every morning she woke up expecting to find Beverley caccooned in her sheets, mouth open with drool dribbling down her chin and snoring; In class she'd look around trying to meet her eye when someone made a stupid comment… It wasn't until you lost something that you realised how much you loved them, and how that love gave you motivation to live.
"Beverley exemplified many of the qualities that define The noble house of Gryffindor. She had Bravery in spades, and she was singlehandedly one of the most determined students to pass through these halls. She had nerve, and courage to stand up for what she believed was right."
A small smile spread across Elizabeth's face at Dumbledore's words, his twinkling eyes felt like they were screening her every thought. Her vision blurred as tears welled in her sky blue eyes, she felt a large hand intertwine her small one and squeeze it softly, Elizabeth slowly turned to the side and her smile widened. Sirius. He'd been there all week, when she had finally broken down, when they'd sat down and planned, helped motivate them get to dinner, to study… She squeezed his hand back before leaning into his muscled chest. She leant her head against his heart, proof that he was alive and breathing.
Dumbledore was right, Beverley had done many things in her short life, but she had never betrayed her morals and she had never not considered standing upto her beliefs. It was her strongest characteristic, one of her best even.
And it was what got her killed.
"There is no tragedy greater than someone so young to lose their life, Thus, In honour of a beautiful life lost, I would like you all, to please, stand up and raise your glasses, to Beverley Wilkins."
Tears streamed down Mary's face as she raised her glass with one hand and gripped Remus's hand with the other. Her best friend, who was there for everything, no matter how good and bad. They had, had their up and downs, but it was always the two of them. It wasn't fair, she was too young to die, it's against all the rules of nature. But as James had always said…
"Only the good die young."
The seventh year Gryffindor's sat in front of the fire, nobody dared to tell them to shove off or to go and do something. No, nobody did, not because they didn't want to, but out of respect. Not a word was spoken within the entire common room, not a single giggle or whisper perpetrated the deadly silence.
They were all mourning one of their own.
They were told that Beverley Wilkins had committed suicide, that she drowned herself in the black lake. That her last act was facing her greatest fear. Nobody had mentioned the hand mark across her cheek, nor the bruised shaped like fingers on the nape of her neck or around her hips and wrists, they didn't mention that her nightgown was in tatters when she was found. Nobody, except her closest friends, had known that she was trying to find out who was a death Eater within the school. Maybe if they knew that, they would've taken the case more seriously.
The ministry said it was suicide, The Gryffindor's said it was murder.
Cold hearted, bloody murder.
Lily wiped a stray tear off her cheek as she leant out of James embrace, it had been a week, and it was not only the fact that someone so full of life had died, that the bucket that was overflowing with life suddenly drained within seconds; It was the fact that the world keep moving, as if nothing had happened, that once the shock wore off, time continued, the world continued to turn and days continued to turn into nights; as if an eighteen year old hadn't been buried by her parents and siblings just days prior, that she hadn't been murdered… It was unjust that the death of Beverley Wilkins didn't seem to have changed anything. She was just another human being, just another name, another beating heart. Her musings were cut short by Elizabeth.
"I'm going to join the Order, for Beverley." Nobody had looked up as she made her statement, they had heard her clearly. Nobody had yet voiced their agreements on the matter, but in their hearts, they too had made the same choice. "It's what she would've done, If I'm not going to fight this war for myself, I'll do…I'll do it for her." Her voice cracked, she may not have believed it for several years, but she knew that this was the most Gryffindor decision she had ever made, she would not watch as this war went on through idle eyes, not when her friend had died in the name of peace. It was cowardly, it was wrong, and most of all, she couldn't bring herself to do it. Lily looked up and nodded. She leaned over and grabbed her hand.
Tears welled up in her eyes, it wasn't fair, all they were doing was crying and moping around and doing the exact opposite of what Beverley would've wanted. The funeral at her manor several days prior would've caused Beverley to roll in her grave, it was everything she would've hated, because it was like any other funeral. The speeches sounded edited and superficial, peoples condolences didn't sound genuine, the tears welling in the eyes of people Beverley had never met seemed forced, as though they were crying because a friend was pained, not because somebody had lost their life. Her best friends weren't even aloud to give a eulogy in her honour! There was no colour or music or balloons, It was always Beverley's belief that a funeral should exemplify the qualities and passions of the person who had passed and her funeral held nothing of Beverley. Her brow furrowed and another angry tear rolled down her flushed, freckled cheek.
She hated this, she hated how unjust the world was, how they were suffering because of the actions of those before them. She hated how the most wonderful people in the world died and nothing changed, infact, it felt like a lie to say that a piece of her felt lost, there were times she felt normal, and then she'd turn to talk to Bev and she remembered that she wasn't there.
The clocks still kept ticking.
Lily stood up in anger, ears crimson, the sudden movement in the silent room caused everyone to turn and look at her. "What are we doing?" Many looked at her in confusion, where was she going with this "This is so…Pathetic!" she flayed her hands around, "If Beverley saw us right now she'd be rolling in her grave!" Around the common room many people flinched, "See! Exactly! Beverley would hate this and you know it! All this mourning and crying and thinking and dullness! it's against everything she stood for!"
Lily moved to stand up on a table in the middle of the common room, "If we're going to mourn Beverley, lets at least do it her way." A smirk spread across Sirius's face from his seated position, he leant back in his chair and wrapped an arm around the back of Elizabeth's chair.
"What do you suggest Lilyflower?"
"The funeral, it was… Beverley would've avoided it like the plague, she'd have skipped her own funeral if she could." Lily let out a laugh, the first laugh she'd let out in over a week. Some of the others perked up as they began to realise what she was insinuating.
They had a lot to plan.
Photos were scattered across the floor of the seventh year girls dormitory, where Mary, Lily and Elizabeth were situated. There were still several hours until nightfall and they had honestly not wanted to cry for afew hours, if they had been thinking logically they would've realised that picking photos for the scrapbook wasn't going to be a good idea.
"Merlin! I remember this!" Lily squealed as she picked up an older photograph. Mary leant over and erupted into chuckles.
"I wish I didn't remember this!" she snatched the photo out of Lily's hand and squinted at it, "My hair is hideous, whose idea was it to grow it this long!" Elizabeth peered over and snorted,
"Beverley's! She had wanted you to grow it out for the ball and you argued about it daily!" The girls collapsed onto eachother from laughter, Beverley had made Mary grow her hair out and it had looked awful unless put up, it was not at all flattering to her face shape.
"And she cut it off the next day!"
"Yes! I'd forgotten that" Elizabeth laughed as she clicked her fingers, "Those were good times." She took the photo, copied it and began to cut around the copy.
Mary's eyes widened and she leapt at Elizabeth, "What are you doing! YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THAT IN THERE!"
Elizabeth jumped up and onto her bed which was situated behind her, "Nah, ah! Don't you dare!" Mary moved closer to Elizabeth. "Bev looks good in this photo." Mary stopped in her path and looked up, a whistful smile spread across her face,
"That was the year she wore the light blue dress yeah?" Elizabeth nodded and rolled her eyes, she wanted to get the bloody thing done
"Now move out the way, I want to finish this off so all I have left is the graduation one."
"Theres still ages until that! You have plenty of time."
"Yes but our herbology NEWT is coming up, and that is one I'm probably going to get a troll for." She snorted before sitting cross legged on the floor, Mary followed her but stretched her legs out over Lily's crossed legs.
"I'm almost one-hundred percent sure I've gotten a troll in every subject." Lily snorted and layed back.
"You! How about me! I went to my History NEWT hungover!" Mary laughed, "Hopefully Remus did well so one of us can at least get a job." She knew saying that was pointless, After school, reality was going to hit Remus hard, getting a job was going to be practically impossible for him and he knew it. But in their misery filled moments it was nice to think about a pleasant future.
Mary picked up a candle as she walked out of the Gryffindor common room with her friends by her side, all of whom were too carrying lit candles on a saucer. In a single file line Gryffindors clamoured out of the portrait hall, however instead of carrying candles they held their lit wands in their hands. United as a house, they marched through the corridor in tandem, heads high with pride to have known such a wonderful soul.
They marched in honour of a girl whom had been everyone's friend.
Beverley had walked this same path countless times, she had watched the portraits with avid curiosity, she had leant out of the arched windows, she had scrubbed the trophy room clean after protesting against a homework task or yelled at a teacher or hit someone. Everywhere they passed, so had Beverley. Perhaps this was the path she took the last time she walked through the halls of Hogwarts.
They would never know.
No words were spoken between one another, passer-by's looked at them curiously, and teachers who saw the did not say anything, they waited until everyone had passed before joining in the back of the crowd with their wand alight.
Mary's vision had blurred from the tears welling in her eyes, This was quite possibly the path her best friend walked the night she died. Regret and loathing rolled in her stomach, if only she had gone with her, if only she had not let her go off by herself, would she be alive, would they have caught the death eaters and escaped, would they have both died? If she had gone with her, maybe she would have lived... Realisation had began to sink in, her best friend was gone, forever.
As she led everyone to the spot she had sobbed over Beverley's body, she did not stop her salty tears from streaming down her face. She looked towards the horizon where the amber limbs of the sun were hiding amongst the pomegranate pink sky, streaked with red. How fitting that the sky was dyed the colour of blood on the day she said farewell to her best friend.
As the sound of footsteps died down on the sandy banks of the black lake, Mary took a deep breath, passed her candle to Lily and stepped up onto a high rock in the damp, sandy bank. Her face was illuminated, not only by the bloody sky but by the bright lights radiating from the crowd below her. From her vantage point she could see tears welling in several professors eyes, and many more from the students whom had been faced with death so early. As she looked out, she could see that many Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and even some Slytherin's whom Beverley had been acquainted with, not only through pureblood parties and politics, but through school; had joined in the crowd. Her heart stopped for a moment at the beautiful sight of unity brought before her.
"Seven Years ago, I met the greatest person in the world, Although I did not know it yet. I never would've thought that the girl whom I had a catfight with on the Hogwarts express would've became my best friend." Several people laughed at the introduction along with Mary, who let out a hoarse laugh. "If Beverley saw me now she'd call me a sook, and then she'd probably start crying with me." A wistful, teary smile spread across Mary's face.
"Beverley Wilkins, was an inspiration to all who knew her. She had an inner strength that could have powered the world if it was possible and courage beyond anyone whom I've ever met. She was the most stubborn, pig headed, determined bitch I ever met. And I loved her for it." Her heart pounded and she could feel her palms sweating. She took a deep breath and gave the crowd a teary smile. She hoped she sounded genuine, she didn't want to sound in genuine, not like those idiots at Beverley's funeral.
"Beverley had strict morals and principals, she would never, ever betray her own beliefs. She never let anything get in the way of what she wanted to do, no matter how daunting or difficult. It was her forte, doing the impossible. She was never afraid of a challenge, she thrived when a challenge was placed in her path."
Mary looked to the side and smiled at James, "James has always said, 'Only the good die young.' I never put much stock into the saying, but now, as I am standing here, saying farewell to my best friend, I have never related to this phrase more in my life. Beverley was my hero, she was my...everything." she felt herself choke up and tears sting her blue eyes.
"She brought light into my life when all was dark and she made me laugh when nobody else could…" She shook her head as the tears welling in her eyes fell and ran down her pale cheeks. "I always knew I could count on Beverley no matter what, and I hope that the feeling was mutual. Every moment of everyday day seems to be shrouded in darkness, every time I read something funny, I look up to tell her, and she's not there." Tears began to stream down her face, as she flayed her hands around, "At night when I have a nightmare, she's no longer there to comfort me. It feels wrong, it is wrong! How is it fair that those who commit sins are allowed to live, but those who do nothing, but live their lives the way life should be lived, die!" She let out a choked sob and rubbed her sleeve against her full nose. Her heart ached in her chest and her entire body was trembling as she stood before everyone, like an open book and let her feelings out.
She took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd, where nobody had been spared from the tears.
"However I've come to the conclusion that we have been left behind so that we spend the rest of our days living life how Beverley did. Fully."
She turned her head and gazed at the sky which was emblazoned with dark blues and indigos.
"I guess the only consolation is that Beverley will never have to sit her arithmancy NEWT." She said with a laugh, many others joined in her laughter, Beverley's dislike of the topic was well known, the teachers chuckled, knowing Beverley it was one of her final thoughts, or perhaps her first in the afterlife.
"Yes, Beverley Wilkins is no longer with us in the flesh, but that doesn't mean she is forever lost. Beverley lives within our memories, within the inferno of anger we carry, she lives in our minds and in our hearts." She placed her hand on her heart and shut her eyes, her body ached as the wind blew against her, chapping her lips and drying her salty tears.
"Beverley was not only my Best Friend, but my sister. I am honoured to have been a part of her life, for she was an amazing person. We shared many firsts together and we had planned many more. She was going to be the godmother of my first child and my maid of honour at my first and hopefully only wedding, she said that when she finally decides to grow up I have no choice but to be her maid of honour and godmother of her child." She shook her head and looked up in the sky, filling despair fill her entire being, as rain began to lightly spit, she felt it run stain her.
She was gone. Mary realized, she was never going to see her, feel her, smell her. For her, it was the end, for Beverley it was the beginning.
"I hadn't planned what I was going to say today." She mumbled, however the wind carried her husky voice. "But this morning as I layed in bed, I remembered a muggle poem that Beverley became fascinated with, and I remembered that she told me, and I quote." Her voice broke and she turned away to clear her throat and wipe her swollen, bloodshot eyes, "When I die…" she shuddered at the word, who would've thought one word could bring so much pain and heartbreak, "When I die, I want you to read this poem and proudly tell all mothers stuck up, pureblood friends that it's a muggle poem and it's my favourite. " She shook her head wistfully and choked on her laughter, "Even in death she's a bloody bitch."
Mary pulled a piece of folded paper out of her pocket and unravelled it, her hands trembled as she grasped the paper so tightly her knuckles began to turn white.
""If tears could build a stairway
And thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
And bring you home again
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it..." Mary paused at the words as she cleared her throat, merlin she just wanted to scream, she wanted them to all know the agony that she was feeling in her heart. She swallowed and continued.
And only god knows why
My hearts still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more." Mary bit her bottom lip and ran a hand up and down her forearm which was covered in spattered rain and goosepimples. She opened her mouth to continue, but she couldn't, she couldn't do it, it felt so...pointless, was Beverley even hearing this, was she looking down at them and remembering the very conversation they had when she mentioned the poem.
Remus watched her from lower down and bit his lip anxiously as he watched her struggle to get her words out, he shook his head and placed his candle in one hand and went up to the boulder. Mary looked at him in surprise as he carefully took the paper out of her hand, Mary squeezed his forearm, looking at him with bloodshot eyes, with nothing but gratitude and grief tattooed in them. "I love you." She mouthed, he gave her a light smile and continued from where she left off.
"To remember all the happy times life still has much in store
" Since you'll never be forgotton
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay
God knows why, with chilling touch
Death gathers those w love so much
And now what seems so strange and dim
Will be clear , when we meet him"
Throughout the entire poem she had held in her cry's and sobs, but as Remus spoke that final line, her body shook and she s==clamped her her eyes shut. She loathed being seen as weak but in that moment she could'nt bring herself to care, she couldn't bring herself to even consider her dignity. Her best friend was gone and she was never coming back…nobody could make anything better.
Mary swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up, her cheeks shiny with tears and rain, "I think I may have been one of the last people to have seen Bev." She said it open ended, she wanted them to know that they did not believe it to have been suicide, Beverley was too prideful to even consider suicide. She caught the eye of, funnily enough, Avery in the crowd. She had always thought he harboured feelings stronger than friendship with Beverley. It was a nightmare having Beverley friends with Avery and Lily friends with Snape during their first few years. She saw that he had dark circles underneath his eyes and he looked...dead. Merlin she hoped so, he looked so proud the day that Beverley's body had been found, and as soon as they saw the marks on her body, she knew inside, he was involved. "I am comforted that her last words to me were of love."
She smiled out at the crowd, through her snot and tears.
"Beverley was not only my Best friend, she was my sister; and today I am not going to leave hating my own existence for being on this world whilst Beverley is not, I'm going to leave with the ambition to live my life with the same passion and love Beverley did. And I implore that you all do the same."
She looked out to the crowd and as another tear trickled down her dry cheek, she gave a soft smile and gazed up into the starry sky.
"Beverley Wilkins, I fucking love you, I love you so much and promise you that one day we will be reunited in the afterlife. Farewell my sister."
Mary stepped down from the rock and immeadiantly was embraced by Lily and Elizabeth who gathered her in their arms. She felt tears streaming down both their faces. Around them the crowd applauded at the eulogy given. Mary's heart leapt, she may have lost her greatest friend, but her other two best friends were still around, and she was going to do everything in her power to keep them safe, even if that meant following them around everywhere they went.
Bang! The girls, startled, jumped in shock, leaping apart from each other. They looked towards the direction of the sound only for their jaws to drop open at the sight before them.
Rainbow fireworks were lighting up the midnight blue sky, illuminating it with all of Beverleys favourite colours. Everyone gaped at the beautiful display of magic that was reflected in the lake. After a moment the fireworks began to spell out words causing mutters amongst the crowd. And as the words came to stop Mary couldn't help the large smile from spreading across her face, the girls fell into a group hug with the marauders, tears and giggles mingling between them.
'Beverley you're a badass bitch even in death.'
Giggles erupted across the crowd breaking the sombre mood surrounding them all. Even Professor McGonagall laughed at the display. This is what Beverley would've wanted.
This is how she'd want to be remembered. To have been funny and unique, kind and intelligent, beautiful and brave, determined and loved.
The crowd silenced after a while, and when they did, the Gryffindor seventh years moved forward, and in tandem they charmed the candles so they would levitate above the water. The seven candles cast an eerie glow above the clear waters of the black lake as they floated across the expanse. Their fellow student body lit their wands in tribute to a wonderful person, and in honour of a lost life.
It was a sign of respect to someone you loved and lost.
And they had loved Beverley Wilkins very much, and would continue to do so for the rest of their days.
*cries* Merlin this was a difficult chapter to write, but I hope you all love it and if you used an entire tissue box I'll buy one for you!
Anyhow next chapter is cheerful, okay kind of but still, actually scrap that, its really emotional, but the final Hogwarts chapter cant be anything but emotional!
He loved her.
Hmmmmm, check in next week to see what happens next! Okay that sounded so cheesy baha!
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and don't forget to leave a review to make me a happy chappie!
Ruby xo