Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

A/N: I don't get pissed, instead, I laugh and then enjoy the show as the fools try to figure out why I'm laughing. "Drama, bullshit and stupidity are no match for sarcasm and a smartass attitude." - Sign I have hanging next to my computer.

Thanks so much for the numerous PMs of support (and reviews) that I got regarding my author's note in the previous chapter!

Reviews, critiques and flames are welcome. I absolutely love all reviews about the story as it gives me motivation, I use good constructive criticism to help my writing improve and I feed the flames to the fires of my imagination.

Warning: There is some material in this chapter that may be offensive to some people.

Thanks to my before posting beta Queen of Jokers and my after posting beta SubZeroChimera!

"Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings." –Ralph Blum

Chapter 54

Running for well over a week ran him literally in to the ground. Finding a small clearing, Davis allowed him to rest, "I think you're ready." Davis spoke to Zack and brushed his black hair gently away from his tired face, "I was just a memory. Now I am whoever you need me to be." Zack briefly glanced at Davis as he laid his head down in Davis' lap; the brunette didn't seem to hear what the man said as he closed his eyes.

In his sleep, Zack uncurled himself and lay flat on his back. The feel of fingers, on his ankles, woke him with a slight twitch. The fingers walked themselves gently up his legs, slowly. Goose bumps erupted all over his body and he moaned, his eyes rolling under his eyelids. The fingers were at his waist, pulling at his shirt, little kisses and small soft nips at his skin left him wanting more, needing more. A quiet moan of subdued excitement came from his visitor.

He felt someone hovering just above him, the hands crawling their way up his chest, underneath his shirt, slowly and deliberately leading to harder nips at his neck and ears. A weight straddled his hips then, warm skin on his skin, sensual kissing on his skin made his body react and his visitor took notice with a gentle movement of their hips. Then there was a soft brush of lips on his chin. Zack, helpless and weakened, ushered a whimper of arousal from his chapped lips.

His eyes remained under his eyelids, visualizing and fantasizing. He reached up and took the visitor's head into his hands, wanting to finally taste his nighttime visitor's kiss. Before finalizing a kiss though, he felt the urge to open his eyes to take in the sight of the lover, slowly, so slowly. Once Zack's eyes opened and focused he startled and dropped his hands to the ground. His blond friend sat on his hips, shirtless.

Pushing in very close to Zack's tanned face, lips lightly touching his cheek as he talked, "You know you want this Zack, you always have. Haven't you?" Cloud rose just a little and whispered with a playful smile, "I can tell," Cloud pressed down gently on Zack's hips.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he held his breath, wishing his friend away for only a moment, until he finally whispered, "No."

"You want to protect me, don't you?" Zack turned his head to the side and when he opened his eyes, they trembled in a threat to shed the tears held back only by shear will. He couldn't fight; he couldn't protest he was too exhausted and unstable. The blond insisted, "Aren't you ready?" Zack didn't move his head. Cloud took him by his chin and turned his face to him and asked with a sweet caring voice, "You want it to end don't you?"

Zack slowly nodded his head and weakly answered, "Yes."

As Cloud talked, he lowered his face back to Zack's face. His lips gently caressed Zack's face and ear as he whispered, "Is it too much for you?" Cloud held his chin tightly so the brunette couldn't look away. Zack nodded yes. "Then let me help you." Cloud moved away from his face, but just a little, and raised a hand to stroke Zack's cheek with the back of his fingers very gently and slowly. Cloud tilted his head and a lustful smile cut across his reddened lips, "You protected me for so long; let me help you make it all stop." Zack's eyes continued to tremble, his face tensed. Cloud sat up and shook his head and he spoke in a brash tone, unlike the softness from moments ago, "No, I don't think you're ready."

Zack looked into Cloud's eyes, weakly he grabbed Cloud's arms and begged, "Too many voices, too many feelings. Cloud, it hurts, please." His face pleaded, "Please. I can't take it anymore. Cloud… help me!"

Cloud put his fist under his own chin and thought, "Very well, I will give you another chance." He leaned closer to Zack's face and his eyes had a brilliant deep ocean blue glow with an additional sinister grin, "Do you know what you have to do?"

Zack shook his head slowly and quietly he said, "No."

Standing up, Cloud shrugged with nonchalance, as if he talked about this all time, "It's only a kiss," Cloud paused to regard Zack's wince at the thought of kissing the blonde, "That will show me that you do indeed want my help."

Moving over to a tree, Cloud sat down on his feet with his arms crossed, his face still, he waited for the brunette. Crawling closer to the blond, Zack raised himself to his knees in front of Cloud and hesitantly leaned forward. The kiss was a quick peck and he sat back and looked at Cloud expectantly.

Cloud's face fell and he asked, "Really? That's it?! That shows me no commitment at all. You are going to have to do better than that," Zack slowly pushed himself up to standing, with the help of a nearby tree. Cloud muttered too low for Zack to hear, "Maybe this will help your indecision."

As Zack raised his eyes, he saw the girl of his dreams, Aerith, standing before him, holding her hands innocently in front of her. Her radiant face smiled and welcomed him toward her.

Holding the side of the tree, the bark dug into his palm and he didn't notice the fist he made, "…A kiss?" His shoulders hunched forward barely able to keep himself standing. Aerith stood still as Zack wiped at his face absentmindedly and smudging more dirt on his cheek, "Then you can… make it stop?" He took a step toward her and stumbled, Aerith held out her hand to keep him from falling.

Aerith's smile held tightly on her face, "Show me that you mean what you say and I will help you." Zack took a deep breath and put his hands on either side of the ancient's face. Leaning in he closed his eyes, Zack just wanted, needed it to stop, his pain, it was too much anymore. When he opened his eyes, Cloud's face had replaced Aerith's and the blonde's arms wrapped around him, pulling him forward into a tight inescapable embrace as the blonde's arms changed.

When Zack felt the pain, he tried to step away as his friend's face became monstrous and the arms encircled his body and held him from retreating. They wound their way around and through his body. Zack's scream was long, loud and full of agony and sadness.

Sephiroth and Cloud took off in the direction of the scream. Cloud wondered if they actually heard it or felt it. Whether they felt it or not, they were close, close enough that they could reach him. Their bikes weaved in and around trees and under branches. It seemed to take forever, until they finally came upon a scene they hadn't prepared for in their journey to find their friend.

The headlights of their bikes put a spotlight on their friend as he lay out on the ground in an odd position. He lay on his side, his left arm was behind him, while his right arm was outstretched in front of him as if reaching for something. His fingers on his hands were curled into weak fists and his legs were bent at the knees. Soft but masculine facial features were twisted in pain and facing up toward the treetops. He was filthy and almost unrecognizable. The jeans he wore were caked in mud, dirt, grass stains and had holes in the knees. His raven colored hair was wilder than normal and dirty, with dirt, leaves and grass in it. His face was sunk in, with dark circles around his eyes. He was barefoot and the bottoms of his feet were bleeding. Sores that started as blisters covered them. Cloud ran for him and hesitantly touched his arm.

Sephiroth joined his side and asked, "Is he breathing?!"

"Yeah, we got to get him back to camp," Cloud looked around, "We can't put him on the bike."

Putting his hand on Cloud's shoulder, "I will go get everyone and we can bring the camp to him. I will return soon."

"Okay, hurry back." Cloud watched as he left. Pulling a blanket from the back of his bike, he wrapped Zack's limp body to protect him from the unusually cool night for this part of the world. He lifted his eyelid and his aqua blue eyes were dull and blank, very uncharacteristic. Cloud began picking the things out of his hair, "Oh, Zack. Tell me you didn't give in to her." Moving toward a tree, his back leaned against it with a knee drawn up and his head hung low as he continued to remove debris from Zack's hair.

Almost an hour later, Sephiroth had the rest of the group following him and the girls were anxious. Aerith jumped off the bike as soon as it stopped. Cupping her hands around Zack's face, she fought the tears.

Tifa ran up and asked, "Is he okay?" Cloud did not look up, he shook his head.

"Ewe Gad, he looks terrible!" Yuffie stayed behind Barret. She then whispered to him, "And he stinks too." Barret shot her a look that told her shut her mouth.

Cloud finally looked up, his eyes betrayed the fact that he'd cried for his friend, "Seph, is there somewhere we can get him cleaned up?" His tone was somber with the emotion right under the surface waiting to explode.

Sephiroth looked around but in the dark it was difficult to tell where they were exactly, "I am going to have to wait until first light." He turned to everyone, "Let's break out camp again. Harding, can you take a look at him?"

Harding nodded and checked him over, "He's dehydrated, starved, and it looks like he has run himself to complete exhaustion."

Aerith asked her silver-haired lover, "Do you think he ran the entire time he's been gone?"

Sephiroth's shoulders sagged, "It is quite possible."

Harding dropped his blood pressure cuff in the bag that served as a med-kit, and finished up the IV, he attached the only bag of saline to it as he said, "That's weeks, it's a miracle he's not dead." He stood and returned to the truck leaving them to sort things out.

Tifa went to Cloud and squatted down to him. He couldn't look at her, then turning his face away from her, she asked quietly, "Cloud, are you okay?"

With a quick movement that made Tifa jump, the blond exploded, "Do I look okay?!" He vaulted to his feet, "Look at him Tifa!" He motioned toward Zack, lying quietly, much to quiet. The day that he had died on the cliff washed over him. The motionless, quiet, dark feelings were rising in his heart. When Tifa reached out to him, he raised his hand, looking over his shoulder at her, "Don't…" He walked out of the small clearing and disappeared.

It was not lost on Tifa how Cloud used his and Zack's feelings and appearance interchangeably. Speaking to no one in particular, Tifa started, "I just want to understand!" Turning to Sephiroth, she finished with what everyone else wanted to say to them, "We all want to understand Seph. What is going on? Maybe we can help, but you need to let us in first!"

"Tifa, please. We don't understand it ourselves," Sephiroth's battle to keep his composure showed on his face.

"Please. Can you tell me what Cloud is feeling so I can help him? What about Zack?" Tifa stood her ground.

Taking a step forward, "I do not know that it is my place to tell you what Cloud is feeling." Pausing for a moment, he added with emphasis, "You need to allow him to tell you." He nodded his head in the direction that Cloud had gone. Tifa jutted out her jaw, clenched her fists, took a deep breath and went off in search of Cloud.

It didn't take her long to find him. He was leaning his back against a tree. He looked up at the stars. Seeing his profile against the ample moonlight, she slowed her pace and went around the back of the tree. She didn't look at him, but went to the tree across from him and sat down and looked up at the stars too. Cloud looked down at her and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She hadn't said anything.

"What?" His voice sound annoyed.

She shook her head, "I'm just looking at the stars." She kept a calm soothing voice.

"Listen, I'm sorry I yelled. I just…" Cloud searched for words, "I'm… oh I don't know…"

Without making eye contact and in tone of disinterest, "Everyone has to yell from time to time."

He leaned his head against the tree again, "It's just seeing Zack like that, I'm reminded of… a lot of things."

"Okay," Her gaze went to a tree that had some suddenly interesting sparsely distributed leaves on them.

"The day Zack died… something in me felt like it died too," Cloud looked over at her; she still watched everything but him, "How am I supposed to do this when I don't even know what is happening?"

After a long pause, "Do you remember me and you sitting at the well a few nights before you left to join Soldier?" Tifa studied a small pile of leaves to her left.

Getting a puzzled look out of him, he answered, "…Yes…"

With her finger she drew circles in the leaves and dirt, "You told me that you would be my hero."

"Yes. What does that have to do with anything that's happening now?" Frustration found its way to his face and showed in his eyes.

"Well, why don't you make another promise to be Zack's hero too? Maybe it wasn't that something died, but maybe something just changed," She finally made eye contact with him.

He flinched in confusion, "Huh?"

"Make Zack a promise. Make everyone a promise to be their hero. Then when the time comes, your decision is already made," Her eyebrows raised waiting for his reaction.

He rose up from the tree, "I got to get back." He paused and held his hand out to her and she took it and they walked back to camp together.

Barret and Sephiroth made a fire and Cloud pulled Zack closer to the fire to warm him up. He wrapped him in a second blanket. Tifa, Aerith and Yuffie went and slept in the back of the truck and Harding took the cab of the truck. Barret lay down and rolled in the leaves until he was comfortable and finally dozed off.

Sephiroth looked at Cloud, "We can get him cleaned and fixed up, first thing tomorrow." Cloud nodded and laid down close by him, but his sleep was restless.

When the sun shone through the trees, it cast long shadows along the entire camp site. Cloud's eyes traced the shadows as he lay next to his friend. Sephiroth got up and stretched, "Cloud, there is a small creek just south of here."

Barret was on his way back with stuff to make coffee, "I'll get ya a coffee for when ya get back." Cloud nodded at him.

Aerith made her way out of the back of the truck, "How's he doing?" Sephiroth just brushed past her and she turned toward Cloud.

"I don't know Aerith. I'm going to go get him cleaned up. Could you please get me some clean clothes for him," He rose up and rubbed at his eyes and looked down at the man as he lay motionless. Lifting his eyelid, his eyes were still his unique aqua color, but they remained dull, stuck in a dream world.

Tifa made her way over to Cloud, "Do you want any help?"

He shook his head as he watched Aerith remove the now empty IV, "No. I'm gonna bathe him, but you can get me something to feed him when I'm done. Maybe a washcloth and a little soap too." She smiled and ran her hand down his arm. Zack was heavy, but Cloud figured that he could handle the extra weight. Keeping him wrapped in the blanket, Cloud bent over and slipped his arm behind his knees and swept Zack into a bridal carry with a light grunt. He had lost a lot of weight, so carrying him wasn't too difficult. Tifa brought him a couple of wash cloths, a towel, soap and a little bottle of shampoo.

Sephiroth didn't say anything to him at first and they made eye contact. His eyes were full of emotion, "I'll bring the clean clothes in a bit."

The creek came into sight and he dropped the rags. Walking a few more steps he laid him down close to the creek bank. Cloud readied himself by pulling his boots and socks off and rolled his pants up to his knees. Heading back to Zack, he got him unwrapped from the blanket and pulled off his filthy clothing and the smell of sweat, urine, dirt, and general unclean made him sick to his stomach. Zack had run himself almost to death.

In the morning light, Cloud could see better what poor shape Zack was actually in. He wondered how long it had been since he had eaten or had any water. His once lively and healthy face was simply skeletal with his blotchy skin draped over his skull. Hip bones protruded clearly and the skin sagged between them and his ribs were standing out in a sickeningly way.

Pulling him into the shallow creek, he had him all the way in the water and his head rested on the bank. Cloud began scrubbing his feet, careful not to break any of the sores open. Moving up his legs, his scrubbing quickened and anger simmered underneath his rising emotions. Turning him to his side, he scrubbed his back and he could count his bones in his spine. His shoulders were not muscular anymore; they were quite the sight of nothing but bone through his withered and starved frame, Zack gave the term skin and bones complete truth.

He wondered how Zack had felt all those times that he had been on the receiving end of Zack's care. After Davis, on the run, after mako shots, after surgeries and torture, Zack had done this so many times for him. Had Zack ever questioned himself in helping him? When he finally got to his face, some color seemed to have returned. He moved him farther into the creek and washed his hair.

Sephiroth came up and a startled gasp left his mouth at the site of Zack's physical condition. Cloud looked up at him, "Seph, look what she did to him…" His voice cracked. Cloud pulled him out of the water and laid him on the clean blanket Sephiroth had brought with him. He unrolled his pant legs and replaced his socks and boots. He took the hand Sephiroth offered and stood next to him. Without a word, they both got Zack dried off and dressed. Sephiroth picked up their emaciated friend and headed back to camp.

They got him to the back of the truck and Aerith was in there laying out some blankets for them to put Zack on. Tifa brought some food and handed it to Cloud as she asked, "Do you think you'll be able to get him to eat?"

"I'm gonna try," He took the bowl and looked at Sephiroth, "How did you do this with me?"

Sephiroth moved and put Zack's head on his lap, "We put a small bite of food in your mouth, you swallowed most of the time." Cloud put a small amount of oatmeal in his mouth and Zack did nothing at first. Then he swallowed slowly, but most of it came back out on to the towel Cloud had put under his head.

Cloud got down to his ear, "Zack… I'm trying to help and you have to eat something. Please." Cloud sat back up and when he tried to put more food in his mouth, Zack's eyes opened.

To his surprise, Zack reached up and grabbed his wrist, very weakly, "Cloud?" His eyes were full of sadness and if he could have, he would have cried. "Please don't hurt me anymore," Releasing the blonde's wrist, he turned to his side away from him as he muttered, "You said it would go away. You said…" His shoulders hunched as he gagged, "He said you would help. Help… Help, help, help… it's just a word," His voice was soft, whispered, sad and distant.

Cloud's eyes jerked up to Sephiroth's and over at Aerith, "What?" Shocked and hurt, he didn't know what to do.

Aerith put her hand gently on Cloud's leg, "Talk to him."

"But, he thinks I hurt him?" His face pulled down, but Aerith nodded her insistence. He raised his face to his, "Zack, talk to me."

Zack's eyes slowly looked at him; his eyes didn't flicker with any light, "225 tiles, always 225 tiles, never more - never less." His eyes moved to the top of the truck cover, "You said that if I showed you, you would help me," His words came out slowly and full of despair and fear while maintaining his gaze everywhere but Cloud's face.

"Showed me what?"

"My… my…" He grabbed his head, "My…" With one hand he made a fist and screamed out while he hit himself in the side of his head.

Cloud grabbed his hands, "I'm not going to hurt you! Zack! Stop it!"

Zack stopped screaming and finally looked at him, "Was it not enough?" His voice was a low whisper.

"What? What was not enough?" Cloud stared deeply into his eyes.

"You want more?" His tone changed to more of a whisper to himself and lowered his eyes away from Cloud's, "They always want more. Tables have four legs. No more than four." His eyes went back up to Cloud's eyes, "More than a kiss?" With a hitch in his breath, Zack's eyes rolled and he appeared to pass out.

Cloud looked up at Sephiroth and they both were puzzled but Sephiroth said, "All I can think is that Jenova posed as you and he gave in."

Cloud lowered his head, "Has he gone insane? How do we help him now?" He slapped lightly at Zack's face, "Zack wake up you need to eat." Cloud's heart hurt and he had to, needed to take care of him. He became instantly frustrated, for some reason, feeding him became a necessity, as if his own life depended on it. As his taps to his face were becoming harder, he began to beg Zack to eat.

Aerith laid her hand on his arm, "Cloud, look at me." She waited for him to comply. His face rose to meet her gaze, she smiled a softly, "Tifa and I will try to get him to eat. We have a long day ahead of us."

"We will figure it out. Right now, we need to head on to the mansion. It is still almost five days away," Sephiroth gently laid Zack's head back on the blanket. He urged Cloud to come with him, out of the back of the truck, "Let's get a move on. We need to get to Nibelheim."

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