Hello, my beautiful readers!
I hope you're all having a wonderful week, It's freezing cold in Australia right now and it's only getting colder!
Anyhow massive thanks to all of you who have supported me and this story, especially, Marie0907, Raven that flies at night, .2017, madwamoose, XloreinXwarriors, and Mazeygrace18!
This is one of my favourite chapters (Don't I say that every chapter?) So I hope you guys enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review!
"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans."
- Peter
Elizabeth sighed heavily as she lay the Daily Prophet on the wooden table and shook her head, she couldn't believe it, the day there was good news on the front page of the prophet would be the day she died, this war was sucking the joy out of everything, one couldn't even read the newspaper if they wanted to start their day off on the high, they would crash nd burn at the sheer misery of it. She just wanted to know when this nightmare would end. James looked up from the Quidditch paper he was reading, a frown etched itself on his face as he saw her crestfallen expression. He opened his mouth and then shut it, it must've been the report about the previous night's attack. He felt the usual sadness in his core as he saw Elizabeth's reaction... she hadn't known.
"The muggles in Oxford?"
Elizabeth looked up sharply, anger simmering in his blue orbs. "Did they send you out again?"
James sighed, last night had been a disaster, twelve muggles had been murdered and three suspected magical children had been kidnapped. "Yeah." He muttered bitterly, clenching his jaw together. His eyes darkened with anger and his hands clenched around the paper in his hands.
"Am I right in saying that that's why Lily isn't here this morning?" She raised an eyebrow, Usually Lily stayed over at the flat, but for the first time in ages, she had gone home for the night. James gave her a grimace and placed the paper down.
"Your deduction skills are one of a kind."
"I don't blame her," Elizabeth muttered, she felt annoyance at Sirius for not seeing fit to inform her of this detail. She knew he'd done some field work yesterday… There was no point getting worked up over nothing, after all, it was his job. Sirius had fallen on the bed as soon as he got home, he didn't even eat before falling asleep. But she couldn't help but feel bitter about it.
Absentmindedly Elizabeth couldn't help but wonder how much longer this war was going to last. Already, it had taken so much from them… She could see it in the weariness of James's smile, the lines appearing on Remus's face, She could see it in Alices slumped posture and in Franks constant paranoia. Most of all she could see it in Sirius's eyes. She could see the caution that he was constantly exuding, she could see how whenever she turned away his smile dropped, she could see it in the few times he let out a genuine laugh, she could see it in the bags developing under his eyes and in the trembling of his hands from too much coffee.
It was all too much.
James looked up at her and sighed, "Was I in the wrong for telling her the truth now?"
Elizabeth snorted, "No! At least you told her, it's more than Sirius did."
He grimaced, "Yeah sorry about that." She waved him off.
"Don't worry about it, he was exhausted last night, we barely got to see eachother let alone talk." James stood up from his seat and grabbed his plate and put it on the sink, he waved his wand and it begun to wash itself. "It's his job and sometimes you have to separate work and home life, I of all people get it more than others." Even to her own ears, it sounded like bullshit.
"Trouble in paradise?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow. Elizabeth gave him a wry smile and shook her head.
"No."
Even to herself, she sounded woefully deceiving. James nodded slowly causing her to sigh. She didn't want to sound unhappy, she truly wasn't, she loved Sirius and she loved being with him, but could she live with the uncertainty her whole life. She cursed James's deduction skills, he knew her too bloody well and she had no clue how he did it.
"Maybe…Yes?"
"Are you asking me?"
Elizabeth sighed and rested her elbows on the table.
"It's nothing major, it's just… different to the person I imagine myself spending my life with."
"In what sense? I thought you loved him?" James' voice turned sharp as he mistook her meaning, she felt her heart skip a beat at his accusations.
"Of course I love him." And she meant it earnestly, merlin she loved him more than life itself. "But…Sirius would never marry me, or have kids with me. He'd never settle down to live a normal life and…as boring as that sounds, that's what I've always wanted."
James nibbled on his bottom lip and frowned. "School, job, marriage, children, white picket fence house... thats it."
She nodded, feeling a crimson blush rise on her cheeks, He raised an eyebrow,
"You are not that damn normal!"
Elizabeth snorted, of course, she wanted more from life, but the general plan was exactly as he stated, and everything Sirius did not want.
"You cant possibly tell me that is all you've ever wanted." She shook her head with a smile on her face, thinking of her deepest dream, her greatest fantasy.
"I've always wanted to travel, I don't think I could die satisfied with my life if I didn't see the wonders of our world." James looked at her, perplexed by her odd statement. It wasn't something you heard often in the magical community. Most were satisfied by staying where they were, with magic you could transform anywhere into a holiday resort.
"I want to see Cherry blossoms in Japan, I want to dive in the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, I want to see the Sea of Stars in the Maldives, I want to drink beer at Oktoberfest in Germany." She let out a congested laugh, James was looking at her wistfully, She was so lost in her fantasies that only very few people knew of that she didn't see his amazed expression.
" I want to kiss someone in the Tunnel of Love in Ukraine, I want to watch the sunrise at the Taj Mahal, I want to see the Northern lights in Iceland, I want to walk across the Great wall of China, I want to sail around the Greek Islands and Eat Pizza in Italy."
Elizabeth shook her head wistfully, turning her blue eyes to James who was hypnotised by her words. "I want so much." She whispered, feeling her heart beat in her chest and tears well up in her eyes, she knew James could tell she was choking up at the realisation, she was never going to live her dream, the one thing she always wanted from life, the one thing she asked for. "But I don't think I will live long enough to do any of that."
James shook his head and grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, just like Sirius did when they were holding hands.
"No, you will do all of that Liz." She looked down at their interlocked hands, "I promise you, that you will do all of that and more!"
She gave him a watery smile and shook her head at his optimism. What was the point in lying to yourself, she had long ago told herself that this was it. That she had to live every moment to the fullest because she sure as hell did not think she was going to make it through this bloody war.
"We're at war James." She shrugged simply, "You cant promise me anything."
James sat in silence pondering her depressing words, Of all the people to start losing hope, it was the beautiful girl who was sitting in front of him. A girl who had dreams and ambitions, a girl who had the power to change the world…
He bit his lip and looked at her mournful face, he gazed into her sorrow filled blue orbs. "I don't think that you can allow the war to dictate your life expectancy and choices. Once you start that…They've already won."
She shook her head and let out a snort, she stood up and placed her mug of tea into the sink, she turned around and leant against the bench. James should just stop, it was fruitless. He was living in his fantasy world with Lily, trying to block out the horrors of what was going on around them, but for some of them, it just wasn't possible to do that!
"Then they have!" She exclaimed, "We all do it! We all think about the what if's; For gods sake the other day Sirius signed his will incase he dies!" Anger flowed through her veins, what he was saying was unbelievably hypocritical. "Everyday we wake up and we go, I wonder if this will be our last time having to roll out of bed, or kiss the person we love, and it…it sucks! I just want this all to end!"
"Don't we all Liz! I want nothing more than to live peacefully without having to worry about dying every time I leave the house, or panic whenever I don't know where Lils is!" he shouted, running a hand through his messy hair. "I want her to be able to go do what she wants, I want her to be able to go shopping without needing to keep a cautious eye out, I want to be able to spend time with her rather than fight Death Eaters, I don't want nightmares of losing all you guys, I just want to be like every other teenager!"
A single tear slid down her cheek, she knew she wasn't the only one suffering, they all were.
All of them were haunted by the actions of others, they were all haunted by a war they had no part in sparking but will have a part in ending.
"Liz, I want to give her the world and I cant." Elizabeth's mind couldn't help but flash back to the conversation she had had with Sirius a week prior, the sincerity, the love, the hope and the regret in his voice was reminiscent to hiss best friends.
"I would give you the world, but I don't think I can give you that."
"I don't need the world." She whispered, "I just need you."
"James, she doesn't want the world." She whispered copying her words from the previous nights, squeezing his hand, "She just wants you."
After a moment of silence between them, James sighed, his eyes were bloodshot from holding in tears. He once again ran his hand through his hair, it was a wonder how his hair was never greasy as a teenager.
"I want to marry her."
Elizabeth looked up, startled at his statement. She knew he wanted to marry her, everyone who went to Hogwarts with them knew. Her heart began to thump in anticipation, did he mean to…marry, marry her? James Potter marry Lily Evans and Lily Evans become...Lily Potter. The sheer hillarity of that made her want to burst into laughter, but she hid her mirth because inside she knew that he was sincere.
This boy wanted to marry her best friend.
James seeing her startled expression opened his mouth, "Like in real life."
She bit her bottom lip. "And have you decided this because you love her more than life or because theres a war going on?"
He gave her an affronted look, insulted at her questioning of his love for Lily, "I'm not going to lie to you, Liz." He shook his head, "The war has made me act faster than I ever expected, but I love your best friend so much, I want to wake up next to her every morning, I want us to have green eyed mini marauders, I want us to live together until we are old and grey and wrinkly, I want to be there when she becomes head healer and I want to dance with her the night the war ends, I want to live the dream with her."
Tears welled up in Elizabeths eyes at the blatant love James had for her best friend. They were so unbelievably blessed to share such a love.
"I already asked her parents for permission, April came around immediately, she started kissing me all over and started crying because she had a son. Mr Evans, yeah that took a while, but he came around eventually. He likes me more than the whale anyway."
"I just need your help." He squeezed her hand, an unsure look gracing his aristocratic, boyish looks. "You girls talk about weddings and marriage all the time right?"
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and gave him a humorous smirk.
"Perhaps."
James gave her doleful eyes and pouted causing her to snigger. She gave a massive sigh.
"Well…I guess I'll clear out my busy schedule for you."
"Remus my boy, sit down, sit down." Dumbledore waved Remus over as he brushed the soot off his robes. Dumbledore had called him over for a conversation. He was anxious to know what it was about and why he couldn't tell anyone as of yet. He couldnt help but feel dread choking his collar as he sat down, he knew that something was going to happen, and it wasnt going to be something he liked.
"Lemon drop?" Remus looked down at the small ornate bowl filled to the brim with yellow candies and shook his head. He hated lemon flavoured lollies, Mary loved them and she always trying to coax him into enjoying them, she once even charmed them to look pink since the strawberry ones were his favourite, but she had forgotten about his sixth sense, Lily always joked he had the force. Dumbledore grabbed one and sucked on it delicately as they sat in silence. After a few moments of fidgeting and general awkwardness, Remus couldn't keep silent any longer.
"Professor-"
"Remus you have long graduated, you may call me Albus."
"Prof- Albus." Remus changed half way through, after becoming accustomed to calling him by his title for so long it was odd to call him by his name suddenly, he felt as though Professor McGonagall was going to storm in, take five points and give him a detention. It would take a while. "I don't mean to be blunt but why am I here?"
"My boy, We are in a unique position in this war. And I'm afraid only your expertise can help us right now."
Dread began to fill Remus's stomach, just by those words he had a fair idea of what Dumbledore was going to propose and he hated the idea of it. Finally, when he had a use for something, he didn't want to partake in it.
"We need the Werewolves on our side, and you're the only person who can infiltrate and sway them to our cause. Voldemort is offering them all the things they desire and when your dreams are handed to you on a platter, one is going to reap them."
Remus couldn't help but inwardly roll his eyes, what unique phrasing.
"Remus, I hope you realise that you do not have to do this. You do have a choice."
Some choice, Remus couldn't help but internally scoff.
"Of course your help would be invaluable."
In times like these, he really wished Dumbledore hadn't been so kind to him all those years ago; Now he couldn't say no to anything, how else would he pay him back for his generosity eight years ago.
"Do I have time to think this through?" Remus asked although he had an inkling that Dumbledore knew exactly what his answer would be, and that he truly didn't need the time.
"Of course my boy, take as long as you need."
He wouldn't need too long
"You sure she will prefer a muggle ring over a magical one?" James questioned anxiously as he walked alongside Elizabeth through muggle London, who was expertly making her way through the streets and alleyways.
"Is there that much of a difference?" She raised an eyebrow, unsure of what he was asking. He let out a laugh.
"From what I've seen, the magical ones are older."
This spiked her interest, causing James to look at her with surprise. "That means they're super flashy then?"
James nodded with a wry grin, "Very flashy."
Elizabeth signalled for them to turn a corner, she shook her head in exasperation. "Definitely not magical then. Though, if you're buying me an engagement ring..." she winked at him causing him to gape at her. This was a surprising development.
"I would've taken you for the simple type."
She gave him an outraged look, "I want a big ass rock on my finger." He let out a laugh at her ostentatiousness.
"Are you giving me hints?" She shook her head with a large grin, her pearly whites teasing him.
"No why would i do that? I'm merely informing you of my tastes in jewellery."
Their conversation lulled as they entered the ring shop, and as Elizabeth explained a few rings to the shop lady James couldn't help but marvel at the amazing person who loved his brother. She was so beautiful, she presented herself with such dignity and charisma. She wore burgundy knee-high leather boots with a dark blue sheer dress that flowed to her knees with red detailing on it, it had a belt around the middle to accentuate her small waist. On top, she had a brown, faux fur vest on and a tan coloured bag. Her hair was down and a pair of brown chunky sunglasses pulled her hair away from her face. Her heart was large and had so much space in it, she was kind and funny, talented and intelligent. And most of all she loved his brother.
And whilst that was not the only reason, he loved her just as much.
It seemed that the most beautiful features in someone were always on the inside, no matter how aesthetically pleasing they are.
He was shaken out of his reverie by the snapping of Elizabeth's fingers. "James!"
"Yeah."
She shook her head in amusement, It was evident he was already bored out of his mind. "Come see." She waved him over, with a groan James pushed himself off the chair and walked over to the clear glass boxes. He gaped at the large array of silver rings before him. How the hell was he meant to choose one ring out of the thirty placed before him for the woman he loved.
Blindly he pointed at a large circular ring with an emerald as the gem. Elizabeth looked at him with a raised eyebrow, disapproval plastered across her face.
"That is so incredibly cheesy."
"What is? It's pretty." He stated indignantly, not catching onto her reasoning, it was cute and if magical rings were anything to go by, the fashion.
"It's very pretty, but you are not going to buy my best friend an engagement ring that matches the colour of her eyes. That can be her eternity ring."
"That is not cheesy. That is romantic." he paused for a moment, basking in his confusion, "what's an eternity ring?"
She rolled her eyes, ignoring his question.
"No James."
He sighed and looked through the glass, his eye immediately caught onto a smaller, simpler ring than the first, more opulent one.
"This one?" The moment Elizabeth's eye caught it she frowned, and shook her head.
"James you need something in between, that is too simple and will make you seem like a tight arse, the other is too opulent."
The long-nosed, with a too long fringe brunette, just had to but in.
"Actually Miss, the Princess cut is more expensive than-"
"Thank you, Miss, but that is unnecessary, it is not to my sister's taste," Elizabeth interjected, both James and herself didn't care about the price, they just wanted the perfect ring!
Elizabeth looked across the table and her eyes widened. James was gazing around since obviously any ring he chose out wouldn't be good enough. He should've bought Sirius, he knew his jewellery pretty well. Actually, she would trust Sirius to buy her an engagement ring, not that that would be happening anytime soon. She knew this when they first got together, but with all her friends taking those steps... she couldn't help but feel anxious over what their future would hold. He knew that she was a modest person and didn't like too much jewellery, but the little she wore would be very grandiose, very opulent.
"James." She whispered, he turned to her and his eyes widened when he saw the ring in her hands. The lady too looked shocked that out of all the rings she chose, it was one of the most expensive in the shop. After all the young teens didn't look like they could afford that sort of ring.
In her hands was a platinum U-prong, emerald cut halo ring that had smaller gems running down the sides.
"It's beautiful," James whispered, Elizabeth nodded silently. He looked up at the bewildered lady, who was gazing at them in wonder, obviously wondering which bank they robbed to get the sort of money to buy the ring.
"We'll take this one."
As James was finishing up with the boring details she had no part in, Elizabeth wondered around the store, gazing wistfully at the many rings. However, there was one that caught her eye, and she fell so in love with it. She got one of the salesmen to pull out a beautiful platinum, diamond encrusted ring. It had two overlapping bands covered in small diamonds and a large square diamond that was encircled by two rows of encrusted diamonds. It was stunning. She placed it on her hand and couldn't help but let a smile grow on her face.
The weight of the ring felt so right and the way it gleamed in the blinding lights of the shop. It was…perfect. A moment later her smile dropped as she realised she probably would never feel the weight of an opulent engagement ring on her finger. She felt a deep sadness in her heart at the thought.
"Its beautiful." She turned slightly as James approached her from behind. She gave him a small smile and then looked down at the ring wistfully. not catching the sadness that appeared on his features at her longing for her fairytale.
"It is, isn't it?" She sighed and slid the ring off her finger, struggling to keep her composure. It had felt so wonderful, so…right. Regretfully she handed over the ring to the man who was looking at her sympathically. She thanked the man and following James she walked out of the store.
She loved Sirius, and she loved their relationship and their story. But it wasn't like the fairytales her mum told her about, it was very different and she knew it would be the moment they became one. Absentmindedly she couldn't help but wonder what her parents reaction to Sirius would've been. Her dad would've been outraged by the sheer audacity of him, but she reckoned that he would've loved him after he got past the whole bad influences part and ignored the bad language, drinking and smoking. But her mum had always told her that her dad had been a bad boy, so she was sure her mum would've loved Sirius. Similar to how April loved James.
Perhaps their fairytale was not the same as the ones she read growing up, but perhaps they were a different kind of fairytale.
Little less than an hour later Elizabeth was sitting across from James picking at her greasy fries.
"You've been quiet since we left the shop." He stated, Elizabeth looked up at him startled. She hadn't meant to mope about but at the moment she could help but feel so down on herself. She was over the moon for lily and James, but she couldn't help but be slightly jealous. They had everything sorted out and her and Sirius. They were only just laying down the bricks of understanding one another.
"Its nothing." She shook her head and ate a chip, savouring the taste of the saltiness of the potato chip, she had been craving them all week. He raised an eyebrow.
"Do I detect a hint of jealousy there?" James laughed causing her to look up in alarm, was she actually that easy to read.
"No." she laughed uneasily as she lied through her teeth. Today was a happy day for James and she wasn't going to bring it down because his best friend was secretly a deeply insecure person.
He looked at her pitfully, chewing on his burger. "I saw the way you looked at that ring, you fell in love with it."
She forced a smile on her face. "Wouldn't anyone?"
James nodded, and waited to swallow his nugget before speaking, "He'll come around one day, you know. He loves you so much."
Elizabeth looked up and gave him a wide grin. "Hopefully that day isn't too far away, I don't want to be old and wrinkly by the time he gets over his commitment phobia!"
James threw his head back and laughed. Imagining them being old and wrinkly attending Sirius's wedding.
"You'll need a walking stick to walk down the aisle!"
Elizabeth bit her lip to contain her laughter and threw a chip at him, feeling all her sadness wash away as she laughed with James.
"Shut up James!"
Remus sat in the Leaky cauldron with a tumbler of fire whisky before him. After he'd left Dumbledores office he had wandered around Hogsmeade aimlessly wondering what in merlins name he was going to do. He had to choose between his life and the life of others; it shouldn't be difficult. it was, it truly was.
But it was fruitless.
He'd known from the moment Dumbledore mentioned it he'd do it. He was just torturing himself by overthinking cursed himself for being too soft. Dumbledore knew it and him, himself knew it. It would be his he was sitting alone, nursing a cup of fire whisky and wallowing in his own pity.
In the next few weeks, he could die.
And because of him, because he was too weak to say no, so could she.
Pain enveloped Remus's heart at the thought of the beautiful blonde he loved. Mary. There were not enough words in the English dictionary for him to convey his love and utter admiration for her. How could he leave her, how could he look her in the eyes and tell her that he was putting unknown peoples lives before their love, before her?
He drained his fire whisky and slammed the glass on the table. Throwing a galleon on the table he stalked out of the pub with slumped shoulders. This was it, there was never a decision to make, it was always going to be this.
He had no choice.
And with a heavy heart, Remus gathered his wits and blinked away his tears and apparated to Mary's flat.
They had a lot to talk about, and most of it was not good.
Not good at all.
I have a question for you guys, I want to know two things, your favourite character and your favourite moment in the story so far. I'm really curious to see what you guys enjoy so I know what to include! let me know in a signed review and I'll send you a sneak peak of one of the upcoming chapters!
But of course, you need a sneak peek for next chapter!
"But I'd rather her hurting than dead."
So please don't forget to leave a review, and answer the question for a sneak peek!
Ruby xo