Chapter 4. –A broken family
We're a broken family, aren't we?
~From Lilo & Stitch
Our long weekend together flew by with amazing speed. We spend it with all five of us, Freddie of course included, doing nothing but fun things. I could have had a wonderful time, if it hadn't been for Melanie's memory haunting me, everywhere I'd go.
Never the less, I was glad to have my best friend here with me. And I found myself constantly clinging on to her, wishing she'd never again leave my side. And so that last Sunday night before they left, arrived way too soon.
Late that night, after Carly and I had gone to bed, I found myself wide awake, unable to fall asleep. I listened to Carly's steady breathing, and made sure I wouldn't lose touch with her. It was nice to know she was there. But I worried that I was becoming too dependent on that knowledge.
I had to accept the painful reality that she wasn't always going to be this close.
"Sam?" Carly whispered. "You awake?" she asked. "Such a stupid question." I said. "If I wasn't awake, I wouldn't be able to answer your question, now would I?" Carly giggled. "I guess not." We both kept silent for a while, staring into the darkness of the night, painfully aware that every second passing by, brought us closer to goodbye.
"Sam, we need to talk." Carly said. "When tomorrow comes, I have to leave." She said, as if I didn't know that yet. She paused for a little while, and even though I couldn't see her face, I knew she was biting her lip, overthinking what exactly she'd say.
"When are you going back to school?" She asked. "Tuesday." I told her. "Sure?" I nodded, but then realized it was too dark in here for her to see. "Tomorrow I'm going with you to the airport. But after that, I just want things to be normal again."
I was sure that, if it hadn't been so damned dark in here, I would have seen Carly nod as well, not knowing what to say next. "Your mom." She said eventually. My body tensed. Two little words. But they meant so much.
"What about my mom?" I asked in denial, knowing exactly what about my mom. "Sam, you haven't spoken to her since…" she started, but I wouldn't let her finish. "I know!" I said a little too loud.
I knew exactly when I'd spoken too her last. I knew exactly what our last words had been, how she'd last looked, how she laughed. Everything. And I knew exactly why I felt no need to speak to her, or even see her, ever again. Ever.
"Sam, she's your mother." Carly said with clear voice. "She has done a lot of stupid things, but we all make mistakes. She's still…" I huffed and shook my head, trying to stop her from talking. Carly either didn't notice, or didn't listen. "She's still your mother." She continued.
"She's still Melanie's mother. You're both in pain right now, and you both deserve to mourn together." She said softly. "Carly, don't you understand? I don't want that! I don't want to mourn, and especially not with her! I just want to forget about it. About everything." I said.
"Sam…" Carly began. "I… I understand that might seem like the solution right now, but, I think you're going to be sorry about this. You're sad. You miss Melanie. You're afraid. Alone. I get that. I know how it feels to lose someone you love." Carly sniffed.
"Of course it is different for me. I was only three years old when my mother died -I hardly remember her. But I do miss her. And of course I know that it's no solution to keep crying about that, or always think about her. That'll only make you unhappy.
"But it's no solution either to just forget about her. You loved her! You still do. You can't just forget her. You and I both know that's not possible. Not even if you want to." She said.
"And about your mother." Her voice got softer. "I think you're going to be sorry, too, if you're going to cut her out of your life. She's your family Sam. She needs you. And, whether you like it or not, you need her."
"No!" I said. "I don't need her! I never needed her. We never needed her. I love Melanie." My voice broke. "I love her. And, no, I can't forget about her. And I won't. I just… I just can't face it right now. That might be wrong, stupid, but I can't. But I will in time." I promised her, but mostly I promised myself.
"But I don't need my mom. She's not my family. You are. And Spence. Freddie." I said. I didn't know myself this sappy, but I felt I needed to tell her. It was the truth. Carly sighed. "Sam, you know I've always seen you as my family. So have Spencer and Freddie. In a way, we are family. Cause we love each other like it."
She paused for a moment. "But I still think you should talk to your mom." I groaned. "Carly, please!" I said. "I think it's best to get some sleep right now." She said. "You know you're welcome at Spencer's anytime. We'll talk about this later." She said.
I knew she'd keep that promise, but right now I didn't care. All I knew was that, suddenly, I was overcome by an unexpected, deep sleep.
And I slipped away to dreamland, safely tucked in my best friend's arms.
I know I promised this chapter would tell you why Sam hates her mother so much, and I know that it doesn't. I'm sorry.
It's just that I already had something written, and I was going to put it in this chapter, but then I decided it'll fit better in the next chapter. Confusing. Yeah. I know.
But, next chapter really will be more satisfying, I promise.
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