Chapter 5. –The absolute fatigue of life
No tiredness can destroy life like death can, as the absolute fatigue of life.
~Sorin Cerin
"Take good care of her." I whispered, almost inaudible, into colonel Shay's shoulder. "I promise." He said. "If you'll take good care of that son of mine." I smiled through my tears. "I will." He squeezed my shoulders, and then let go. "Take care, kid, I love you!" He went onto Spencer's embrace.
Carly and Freddie let go of each other, and she launched herself directly into my arms. "I'll miss you Sam, I love you!" She cried. "It's only for a month." I said with thick voice. She nodded into my shoulder, clinging onto the little gleam of hope spring vacation offered us.
"I'll call you as soon as we're there." Carly whispered. "And don't you forget it." I said, loosening myself from her grip. It wasn't much of a goodbye. I blamed it on all of the people surrounding us at the airport. But Carly didn't care about other people.
She took my face in her hands. "I love you Sam. I'm here for you. We'll skype every day." She hugged me one more time, before letting go and grabbing her father's hand instead. "Look out for each other." She said to all three of us. And all three of us nodded.
I slowly watched the twosome disappear, their figures growing smaller and smaller on their way to the airplane. On their way to Italy, thousands and thousands of miles away from me.
For a little while, we all just stood there, saying nothing. "Let's go." I finally broke the silence. I didn't wait for an answer, I just turned around and began walking, trusting Freddie and Spencer to follow me.
The ride home was quiet. Too quiet. Silence used to be a perfect time to just rest. Think things over. I used to love the silence, but now, I hated it. I couldn't allow myself to think anything over anymore. My own mind had become my enemy.
"So, Benson." I said from the backseat. "I thought you had school today." Freddie turned around, doing a poor job at hiding his surprise. I pretended not to notice. "Yeah, I… I decided not to go, wanted to wave Carly goodbye." He said.
I lifted one eyebrow. "Well, well." I said. "Look who's decided to become a bad boy, after all. I didn't know you had it in you to play hooky!" Freddie smiled. "I think Principal Franklin will understand, this one time."
The way home seemed to take forever, especially because I had made it my personal mission to keep the conversation going, cleared from awkward silences and, more importantly, painful topics. This became an even more difficult task by the time we had dropped Freddie off at school, and Spencer and I were alone in the car. By the time we were home, I was exhausted.
"I'm going to take a nap." I informed Spencer immediately at entry. "Sam, wait a minute." He said. "Don't you think we should have a talk?" I sighed. I knew all too well what this talk was going to be about. "Spencer… not now. I'm really tired." I said.
"We can't put this off forever." Spencer said. Why not? I wanted to say, but I didn't. "I know." I said instead. "And we will talk about it! Just... not right now, okay? I just want to sleep." I said honestly. Spencer sighed. "Okay. Okay, but we will talk about it. Today!" He said determined.
I nodded, but I hoped I'd find a way to get out of it. Why did I have to talk about this, anyway? As far as I knew, I hated my mom, she hated me, and we were a whole lot better off without each other. Other than Melanie, I had no family.
I had considered myself an orphan most of my life. My parents weren't death, as far as I knew –I really had no idea if my father was still alive –but they were both death to me. Now that my sister, the only relative ever proven to be worth being called family, was gone, I had no reason, nor desire, to contact my mother.
Without bothering to take off my clothes, I slid myself under the covers. Ever since the funeral, I was so tired. I used to sleep all the time, too, but that was just laziness. Now, I really needed it. I constantly felt like I was falling apart.
I was still under the false impression that sleep was going to fix that.
"Spencer?" I opened my eyes to stare right into his. Had it all been a dream? I quickly looked around to discover that I was in my own bedroom, in my mother's house. "It wasn't a dream, was it?" I whispered. Spencer slowly shook his head. "I'm afraid not kiddo."
"Melanie is gone." It wasn't a question. I couldn't remember what exactly happened last night, but I knew that. I felt cold. I slid myself out of bed. "I want to go." I said. I needed to get out of here, there wasn't enough air in here.
"You want to go downstairs?" Spencer asked. I shook my head. "No, I want to go home." "You mean… my place?" Spencer whispered. I nodded, quickly putting a sweater on, over my pajamas. "Sam, do you really…" He began, but I was already halfway down the stairs. I had to get the hell out of here –I couldn't breathe in here.
"Samantha Puckett." My mom said with slurred speech, and a demon laugh. I tied my shoelaces, without looking up at her. "What's the matter, girl, going so soon?" She said. I stood up, and turned around.
My mom was wearing nothing but a long, pink sleeping-shirt that could barely hold the weight of her boobs. With her right hand, she held herself up against the doorframe. With her left hand, she was holding an almost empty liquor bottle.
She was drunk. Her daughter –my sister was gone, and she was drunk. As usual, she didn't think about anybody else but Pamela Puckett. It made me sick.
She laughed again, stumbling towards me. She said something in her slurred language that I couldn't make sense of, just before taking another sip directly from the bottle. It dizzied me. I stamped towards her, and yanked the bottle out of her hand before throwing it on the floor.
I couldn't find the strength to talk, to tell her what I thought. I couldn't even find the strength to think, really. I just wanted to get out. I needed air.
I didn't notice that the glass I stepped in forced itself through my shoe sole, into my foot. I didn't notice that my mom was shouting after me, fuming about the broken bottle. I just ran out of the house, never to come back. Followed closely by Spencer.
You may wonder why Sam and Melanie are suddenly so close in this story. And, instead of having everybody believing that I'm writing horrible OOC, I just wanted to tell you that I will clear that up in a few chapters.
Also, to anybody who wants to read another iCarly story, please check out my reviews. Somebody has send in a preview to their next story. :)