Negan stood frozen.
He couldn't believe it.
One second Lucy was standing on the ledge of the quarry. Eyes wild and sharp, hands held up in front of her, wind blowing her hair back.
"I'll see you in Hell Negan, I'll be waiting with your babies in my arms..."
"NO!"
Then...she was gone. He tried reaching out to grab her and just for a brief instant he felt his fingertips graze her before she fell backwards and disappeared. Negan stood there in shock, feeling the wind blow against his stunned face. His mind began racing a million miles a minute. No, this didn't just happen. He couldn't believe it, he wouldn't believe it. Not his Lucille, not his Lucy...no... Negan blinked for a second before slowly taking a step forward on legs that didn't feel his own. He stood there, wind whistling against him before he slowly stared down. His entire body felt frozen, as if he wasn't there and simply looking down at himself as this all happened. No, he was just getting her back. She was distant, but the babies had changed everything. She told him, she loved him. He could tell, see it in her eyes. She was having more moments of actually seeming content, safe with him. No, they were a family. She was having his boys. His two babies. He knew as soon as she had them, held them in her arms things would change. She would forget the past, she would forgive him.
They would finally make things right, be a family, and everything would be okay. Staring down, he looked down at the rocky water below. The water was still. He didn't see her body anywhere but knew at that height, it wasn't possible. His knees almost buckled as he swayed, almost falling himself. Falling backwards, hard on his ass he fell back speechless. Sitting there he stared out not saying a word. No, she was fine. She was back in the trailer waiting for him. Everything was okay. Sitting there, he blinked before his lip quivered, and silent tears fell from his eyes.
"It's okay...it's okay...you're okay..."
He softly said to himself, repeating it over and over, almost meaning for these words to actually become true. Slowly, he turned and crawled on his hands and knees across the gravel and stared down the ledge. He stared down below at the water, waiting for any sign of movement. Instead, he saw nothing. Turning, he fought the urge to vomit. "Negan?!" Neil called, just beginning to walk from the tree line. Turning, he saw him. Instantly Neil broke out running. Once he reached him, he knelt down.
"Negan? What's the matter?!"
Negan stared off in shock.
"She...jumped..."
"Who? Lucy?"
"She...jumped...she..."
He bent his head to the side and this time violently began to vomit, throat burning as his stomach bubbled and heaved. Neil squatted by him, watching completely speechless before glancing down at the ledge at the rocky watery below. Turning back, he went to touch his friend's back when Negan lashed away.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"
Neil jumped back, before Negan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Getting up, he took a deep breath before pacing back and forth, rubbing his neck.
"Get twenty men down there right away, radio it in...don't say what happened. Keep your fucking mouth shut and search the water high and low."
"Negan, if she jumped she's..."
"I want my sons..."
"Negan if she jumped...the babies..."
"GO DAMNIT! GO!"
He roared, making Neil jump. Not knowing exactly what to say, Neil sighed not even the slightest surprised that this kid ended up killing herself. The only reason why people weren't talking was the fact Negan had kept them so safe for so long. Whatever he did alone with that girl was his business. Still, he couldn't help but hear those helpless cries come from her from the trailer late at night knowing exactly what was happening. Getting on the radio, he began to call it in. Negan meanwhile walked silently back towards the trees. He was planning on grabbing his jacket, grab his gun, and get one of the men to get him down there right away. His mind wouldn't accept it. If that bitch threw herself off the ledge, why did she have to take the babies with her? No, even if there was the slightest chance, he could get them back he would. He didn't care. Marching forward, nothing would feel better than grabbing his bat and bashing someone's head in.
Later...
It was late afternoon. There was a small slope, most likely for trucks back when the quarry was up and running. It was steep, but several jeeps drove down and Negan had the men search. They didn't have tanks, but he had them in the water swimming, going under looking. It had been hours, so any chance of finding her or the babies alive was hopeless, but he needed to see. Standing, Lucille cradled against his shoulder, he glared not saying a word as several of the men swam in the water or climbed searching on the rocks. There wasn't any blood, or body. The men searched everywhere, but so far nothing. Finally Derek, one of his men walked up shaking his head.
"We can string up lights, and keep looking but this water is miles deep. Her body will come up soon, but we can't find anything right now Negan. I'm sorry."
Negan continued glaring at the water. Down there, somewhere...was his wife and children. Derek nervously cleared his throat.
"Um, we can...keep looking but her jumping at that height..."
"She didn't jump."
Negan said flatly. Derek stared, blinking for a second.
"What?"
"She fell, its as an accident."
"Negan you don't have to..."
"We're talking about my wife here. She fell...understand?"
Derek nodded, clearly taken aback. Turning, Negan began marching up the gravel.
"Everyone back to camp."
"What?"
"Stop looking...she's gone."
"But..."
"I said let's go. Now."
Negan silently swung the bat, as his boots crunched up on the gravel, approaching the jeeps. The men all looked at each other puzzled before Neil shook his head. If Negan said stop, they had to stop. Slowly, the men began swimming forward, as everyone climbed out and started heading up. For Negan, at this exact moment, Lucy was dead. She had died a long time ago. She died before giving birth, peaceful and in his arms. She had loved him, in fact her last words was telling him that. He tried to save the babies but its as too late. A tragedy, but nevertheless, she died in love with him. He lost his family before he even got a chance to get it. That's what he would believe. Yes, that was easier instead of knowing she killed herself and their unborn babies. No, his wife was dead...but he would never come back here. Never. he wouldn't talk about her again. He would live to believe his sweet Lucille and his babies were waiting for him somewhere else. He would never touch or hurt another woman again. He would keep his men safe, and he would do anything to keep that promise. The Negan who raped and took Lucy's innocence was gone. He would live, and never think of this day again. He got into one of the jeeps as Neil followed, getting in. Starting the engine, he glared forward before telling Neil he didn't want anyone, and he stressed anyone to talk about Lucy again. It was an accident, and he forbid anyone to come out here, if he found out anyone did they would be banished.
Sitting there as they began driving up, he started discussing the road blocks as if nothing happened.
A few hours later when they were all back at the camp word had spread fast and everyone knew in order to stay on Negan's good side, his wife had died in a tragic accident. That was all. Returning to the trailer, he grabbed a trash bag and threw her clothes in, wanting to burn them. For a moment, he picked up the red scarf and deeply inhaled shutting his eyes. He could almost see her there with him. Sighing, he put the scarf aside, and rubbed his stubble covered cheek.
He stared at the bed, and thought of how he was planning on surprising her with two bassinets he had gotten just a few days ago. Knowing those bassinets would never be filled made his blood boil. Tossing the filled up bags to the side, he sat down on the edge of his bed. He was too angry to cry. Instead he silently rocked back and forth, clenching his fists, making his nails dig into the palms of his hands hard enough to draw blood.
It was an accident. Just an accident...an accident...
He kept repeating. Slowly laying back down, he stared up at the ceiling and fought the urge to rip the entire inside of the trailer apart. He would do anything to get her back. To show her that he really loved her. Opening his hands, all ready bleeding from his nails, he rested them on his chest of his leather jacket. Pressing down, he felt something. Raising an eyebrow, he fished inside one of the pockets and took out what was inside. Her wedding ring. She must have slipped it off when he gave her the jacket. Holding it, he stared at it, sparking in the dim lantern light. Face cramping, he tossed it, hearing it hit the floor. The ring fell underneath the small dresser, where it would remain for a very long time. Laying there, he knew from this day forward, he would never be the same.
A few hours earlier...
"NO!"
Lucy floated in a blueish crystal abyss. She floated deep within it, eyes closed as millions of tiny bubbles floated around her. Floating, she felt weightless. The impact of hitting the water kept her there. For some strange unknown reason, the fall didn't kill her. She narrowly missed the rocks, and sank down deep floating looking like an angel. She was beneath the surface, blood swirling around her as her hair waved and pooled around.
Slowly her eyelids opened. For a mere second she thought she heard Chris' voice calling her. She searched so hard to find it, but instead all at once her eyes snapped open. In panic, she looked and found herself under the water. At first she thought she would just stay there. This numbing pain all over keeping her down below to silently die. Instead, she began kicking and fighting her way towards the surface. A lifetime went by before finally she broke the surface, gasping and fighting. By chance, Negan or Neil weren't looking down at this exact moment, and a small ledge of rocks hid her as she coughed and gasped, swimming to the side.
Choking, lungs burning as she cried she grabbed hold of a rock and slowly pulled herself over. She was hidden below the rocks, even if they did look at this exact moment they wouldn't see her. Rolling on her back, the cried out and saw her leg bleeding. She had caught her leg on one of the rocks, blood trickled with water down her skin. Her entire body ached and screamed as her soaking wet hair was plastered to her skull. Leaning down, she gagged, almost vomiting up water before she laid back completely defeated. She had lived. Somehow she had lived despite the million in one chance she had. The fall hadn't broken every bone in her body, or had her drown.
Instead, she was there, some cuts and bruises...that's it. She had lived. She looked up, sitting in the small cave from within the wall of the quarry. Water lapped against the rocks, as she laid there. She listened, waiting to hear Negan or anything from above. Instead all she heard was the water. Face crumpling, she began to sob. How was this even possible? She jumped off a fucking ledge and landed in water below.
How did this happen? How could she even still move? Was this her punishment?
Her Hell? Her hands found her stomach, and for the first time she didn't feel any movement. Were they dead? Were about to rip her apart? She knew she had to move. Maybe she had broken bones, maybe once she got up on her feet she would collapse? Maybe she was internally bleeding? Maybe she was dying? Slowly, she got to her feet. She was sore, her leg screamed, wanting to buckle but she fought through the pain, gritting her teeth. Slowly she craned her neck looking upwards. She didn't see anything. Slowly, her eyes traced around the quarry. There was a gravel road going upward. Feeling her head pound, she braced the rocks and knew she needed to get back into the water to get to it. For all she knew Negan was watching. The way she felt, she didn't care. At this point after what she did, she wouldn't be surprised to see him with a gun aimed. Slowly, she eased back into the water, almost screaming out. She felt pain now, in fact it was getting worse and worse. Slowly, she entered the cold water, slowly working her way across. Her stomach weighed her down, but her sides burned, and her leg continued throbbing. Once she was half way across, she looked back up and didn't see anyone. How was that possible? She crawled up on the gravel on the other side, turning over and panting. Slowly getting to her feet, she wobbled for a moment before slowly walking up, holding her stomach and her side.
She didn't know if she had the strength to keep walking, but she didn't care. At this point she would welcome a bullet from Negan. Minutes passed and for a moment she thought she heard the faint sound of an engine. She froze, waiting, dripping wet and shivering. Instead, nothing. Once she reached the top, slipping and sliding twice, she knew just by how it felt her ribs were broken. Turning, she looked across.
Negan was nowhere in sight. She kept looking, hair soaking wet. Was he hiding? Did he run away? She couldn't have been under the water that long? In that cave what? Ten minutes? Maybe less getting up here. Swaying from side to side, she knew her temple was bleeding, she felt the warmth go down her cheek. Holding her belly and side, she began walking. She wasn't sure where he was, but at this exact moment she didn't care.
So she walked, trying her hardest to hurry, limping badly, and wanting more than ever to die. Later... Unknown to the men who arrived at the quarry less than an hour later, the corpse they were looking for was almost three miles away in the opposite direction. Lucy was getting weaker, shivering and soaking wet. Her leg was bad, nearly collapsing twice. Her entire side was hurting, burning whenever she walked. She felt dizzy, and kept tripping. She wasn't trying to leave a trail, but at this exact moment she didn't care. She kept waiting for any second to hear the sound of roaring engines or Negan screaming.
She was dying, she knew it. But he wasn't following her. She had been walking for a very long time, was she really free? Was she? She didn't know if this was Heaven or Hell.
That night...
Lucy knew she was somewhere else completely. She was in the woods, and had been walking for hours. Now she couldn't take it any longer. It was pitch black, and she couldn't see a thing. She was freezing.
"Please God, just let me die..."
That's when she tripped, falling hard. Screaming, she hit the dirt hard before rolling over. Face crumpling, she screamed, holding onto herself. That's when she felt it. Snapping her eyes shut, she screamed. Her water had broke. Laying there, she held herself, alone, freezing, and hurt. No, she couldn't have survived this impossible thing, only to have this happen. Throwing her head back, she felt a horrible sharp movement from inside of her. So, this was her punishment. Negan's babies would in fact rip her apart. Crying, she leaned forward, too weak to really move, Reaching down, she felt a new sort of dampness from her slacks. Reaching, she expected water, but even in the darkness, she knew it was blood.
"No, please God no..."
She laid back, as a horrible pain ripped through her. Laying there she screamed, knowing this was it. The pain was overwhelming as her legs slowly spread as she grasped onto her stomach. As another pain ripped through her she threw her head back and screamed...
"NEGAN!"
With that, her eyes rolled back, passing out.
To be continued, this October.