Burn

by xLion'sRoarx

When BB, a dangerous criminal, escapes from jail and sets his eyes on Light, the entire investigation is thrown into chaos. The Kira case flies off the metaphorical tracks, and as Light's world comes apart at the seams, his own emotions bar him at every turn, turning calculations into reckless actions and throwing into danger everything that he has fought to protect. LxLight

11. Sign of the Moon

Welcome to chapter eleven! Thanks for all the awesome reviews I got on that last chapter; it was really sweet to see that the whole multiple personality thing went over well. I was a little concerned it would be a little stilted, but I'm glad that it was so well received. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much, because I'm in love with it!

And to Fluffy237: don't worry, the reason Light can't just give up the notebook is dealt with in this chapter. Thanks for the question!

Chapter 11: Sign of the Moon

L stood outside the door the warehouse with his successors by his side. Their plan had been devised hastily during the car ride over. L, Near, Mello, and Matt would enter through the main door, guns drawn, and search the place for Light. If they saw Beyond, they were to restrain him if at all possible—but shooting to kill should be a last resort. The task force would spread out over the various escape routs just in case Beyond attempted to flee. However, there weren't near enough people to cover every exit—if Beyond was set on running, the chances of stopping him were astronomically low. But still, they had to try.

L was distracted from his thoughts when he heard the warehouse door suddenly fly open. A glance up told him that Mello had used the hilt of his weapon to bash the padlock off the door.

"Well?" Mello snapped. "Lead the way, L. We're wasting time."

L nodded shortly, struggling to fight down the nervousness bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to consider it, but if Light wasn't here, then they had no other leads. They would be back in that investigation room, back in that same perpetual loop of not knowing. L didn't think he could handle that. So he hoped, hoped with his entire being, that Light was in this warehouse, and still alive.

They searched for what felt like hours, but was more like thirty minutes. The team of detectives began with a sweep of the lower floors. The first two were free of any suspicious items or other such clues, though the entire place seemed to be surprisingly dirty after being shut down for only a week. Broken windows were boarded up, floor tiles were chipped, and empty crates and dingy labels littered the floor. But despite all that, there was still no sigh of Light or Beyond. However, when the got to the third floor, things began to show up that were far from normal. They exited the stairwell to see a long, stainless steel hallway. There were many doors lining both sides of the hallway, but nothing else. L approached the nearest door and yanked it open. Empty. The door across from that one was also empty, as were the next two sets of rooms after that. But the third door down to the right wielded interesting results.

"What the hell is this?" Mello demanded, walking up to the huge, empty tank and examining it. It took up much of the back wall, and a set of handcuffs hung from the ceiling, dropping directly down into the tank. There was a control panel on the wall to the right. L approached it and pressed one of the buttons experimentally. Immediately water began to pour in from two valves on the sides of the tank.

"This must have why those teenagers heard rushing water," L murmured.

Matt gasped, pressing his fingers against the smooth glass. "This is a torture device!" The water was slowly climbing up the tank. Another press of a button and the handcuffs lowered slightly.

"I see," Near muttered thoughtfully. "Once the subject breaks, you can use the cuffs to pull them out of the water. Or you can hold them down and prevent them from swimming up to breathe."

L's eyes slipped closed as he imagined Light gasping for breath in the tank, his head barely above the water as it prepared to swallow him entirely. The image sent a spasm of pain through his chest.

"Let's look at the next room," Near suggested softly.

The next room held electric chair spattered with blood. The one after that was pitch black with a set of scarlet-encrusted shackles hanging from one wall. The next room had a wall adorned with knives, scalpels, whips, and other devices of torture—though there was a distinct lack of blood. It must have been Beyond's store room.

The next room they came across was the worst.

When they opened the door, they were met with a steel table. This room had blood everywhere. It was smeared across the table and walls, splattered across the floor. There were bloody handprints at the door. L remained silent as he leaned down, examining the floor. Small white grains adorned the blood spatters. "Salt," he whispered. "If this truly is where Beyond has been hiding, this must be the room where he's been holding Light."

"But he's not here," Matt pointed out in a low tone. "Do you think that Beyond took him away from this place?"

L shook his head immediately, insisting, "No, he has to be here. Let's keep looking."

There was only one door left. One, last door where Light could possibly be. L placed his hand on the handle and paused, hardly daring to breathe. The tension was impossibly thick as L compressed the handle, opened the door, and—

There was a voice coming from behind the door. A dark, familiar voice, lowered in a vicious snarl.

"…don't worry," that voice snarled. "I'll tell L that you love him."

L's eyes widened. That was Beyond! He immediately grabbed the door handle, not thinking about the possible dangers or repercussions just walking in on a murderer, who may or may not be armed. He wrenched at the door, but it was firmly locked.

"What the—?" Beyond hissed in surprise, no doubt hearing the noise.

L yanked on the handle furiously, mindlessly hoping that the lock would break, the door would open, and he would be able to stop Beyond from doing whatever it was he was about to do.

"Stand back!" Mello ordered, pushing L out of the way. He raised his leg, and in one, powerful kick, the door flung open.

L immediately burst into the room, leaving Mello in the dust. His eyes raked the open space, fighting the dim light in an attempt to locate Beyond, and hopefully, Light. His hand flew to the holster at his belt, and the next moment his handgun was clenched in his hand, safety off, aimed point blank into the room. He heard his successors burst in behind him, heard the clicks as they released the safety on their guns.

For a long, terrible moment, there was silence. Then L's eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, and he saw him—Beyond Birthday, standing in the dead center of the room with a surprised look on his face. L's eyes raked down the murderer's form, and a heartbeat later he located a bloodied knife gripped in his hand. And beneath that knife—

"Oh my god—!" Matt gasped.

"Light!" The teen didn't move. He was clearly lost to unconsciousness—at least, L hoped it was unconsciousness. L couldn't quite make out Light's injuries at this distance and in this light, but he had no doubt that they were severe. He stepped forwards threateningly, tightening his grip on his gun. He couldn't shoot—if he did, he had no doubt that Beyond would bring that knife down and slit Light's throat. "Beyond, you monster! Let go of the knife and step away from Light!"

The murderer cocked his head to one side, the surprise in his eyes slowly giving way to cold calculation. He was no doubt searching for a way out of the situation. "And if I don't?" he snarled. "Are you going to kill me, L? Will you take my life?" He pressed his knife harder against Light's throat, and a line of red appeared.

"If you don't step away, I will shoot you," L warned.

"And if you don't lower your guns and let me go, I will kill Light," Beyond countered.

There was a long moment of silence in which the two parties stared each other down. They were at a stalemate, with no easy way out. L found himself eyeing Beyond's hand, the one gripping the knife over Light's throat. If he could manage to shoot that hand, then Light's life would be saved—at least, for the moment. He trusted his accuracy with a gun, but in this light, and with such a small target… he wasn't sure. And if he was going to attempt this, he had to be completely sure that he wouldn't miss. Because if he missed… Light would end up with a bullet in his neck. L's finger tightened slightly on the trigger. He sensed his successors tense beside him; they were no doubt eager to act, to do something—but they wouldn't make a move without his command.

Beyond seemed to follow his train of thought. "Try it," he snarled. "I dare you! One slip up, and Light dies. Can you handle those odds, L? If you miss, would you be able to handle knowing that you were the one that killed him?"

L clenched his teeth. Beyond wasn't leaving him with much of a choice. If he didn't shoot, and allowed Beyond to get away, Light would die. If he shot and hit Light, he would die. But if he shot and didn't hit him… Light would be saved. Maybe not, L reminded himself. You have no idea how badly he's hurt—the damage could be irreparable. Still, those were odds that l would have to take. He raised the gun to eye level, staring down the barrel. "Back away," he warned one last time.

"Shoot, L! Take a chance!"

L narrowed his eyes. I will not miss, he promised Light. I swear to you, I will not miss. I will save you, and I will be the one to piece you back together. He inhaled deeply, steadying his shaking hand. And then, in one swift, decisive movement, his finger compressed the trigger, and a hollow crack filled the room.

A horrible, ear-splitting shriek filled the air. A heartbeat later, Beyond's knife clattered to the ground, the hilt soaked in blood. The murderer staggered away from Light with a low cry, one hand shooting to cover the other. Blood poured from his injured appendage in fountains, spattering the floor with violent shades of crimson. The murderer's back hit the wall, and he slid down just a few inches as his legs began to shake slightly. But despite that, despite the unbearable pain he was no doubt experiencing, the savage smile remained on his face.

"Why are you smiling?" L demanded furiously, raising his gun and pointing it directly between the murderer's eyes.

"Why?" Beyond echoed, his voice shaking. "Because you're too late, L, just like you were too late for A!"

Immediately L's eyes flickered to Light.

No!

L's gun clattered to the floor noisily as he darted forward into the dim room, throwing caution to the wind as he reached the teen sprawled out over the dentist's chair. He was in such a hurry to reach Light that he barely noticed when his foot struck his gun on the way past, sending it skittering in Beyond's direction. L's hands closed over Light's throat desperately, attempting to stem the flow of blood that was slowly beginning to run, faster and faster, from the clean slit Beyond had managed to carve out just before the bullet rendered his right hand useless.

"Light!" L called out, pressing harder against the cut. "Light, please!" He wasn't sure what he was asking from the teen—was he asking him to wake up? To stay alive? Spotting a towel on the nearby table, L seized it and pressed it over the wound. As he did, his eyes raked down the rest of the teen's body. L felt bile rising in his throat as he laid eyes on Beyond's handiwork—countless lacerations, horrendous burns, severe bruising—and the assortment of bite marks sprawled across the teen's neck and shoulders. Blood was running down the back of the chair to pool on the ground at his feet, and L realized suddenly that there must be a wound on Light's back—a severe one by the looks of it. "Matt!" he ordered, "Get over here and help me with this!"

The youngest successor immediately tucked away his gun and hurried to L's side, leaving Near and Mello to point their weapons threateningly in Beyond's direction.

"L," Mello snarled, "give the word, and he dies."

L didn't register the words. He was too busy wrapping the towel tighter around Light's neck in preparation to turn him onto his front. Matt worked at the straps holding the teen down, and in just a few moments L was able to turn Light over, keeping steady pressure on the slit across his throat. It wasn't deep, he was relieved to discover—Beyond hadn't had the time or strength to make more than a shallow slice before he'd been shot. Another second, and it might have been quite a different story.

His attention was drawn to Light's back when Matt suddenly gagged, turning his head away. "Oh god, L…"

L stared unseeingly at the wound stretched across his lover's back. Blood covered Light's skin in sheets, dripping in dangerous amounts from horrendously deep lines covering his entire left side, from shoulder to mi-back. Snatching another town from the table, L immediately mopped up the worst of the blood, and his worst fears were confirmed.

"Beyond!" L roared, his control breaking like a sapling in the middle of a hurricane. "You monster! You bastard!"

"Do you like it, Lawli?" the murderer crowed, teeth bared. "I did it just for you!"

Blood was already running in rivers, covering the lines back up in fountains of scarlet—the lines that displayed a horrifically intricate sketch of two letters.

B.B.

L was swift to press the towel back against Light's flesh, desperate to both control the blood loss and hide the vile marks from his view. Beyond… he'd done the same thing to Light that he'd done to him all that time ago. The thought made L see red—and not just from the blood. He looked up at Mello, commanding, "Call the task force and tell them that we have Light, and tell them to send in help!"

Mello narrowed his eyes, the grip on his gun tightening. "L, I don't think it's a good idea to have just one gun pointed on this guy."

"Do it!" L snarled.

Mello jumped, clearly surprised. A second later, his gun was sheathed and there was a cell phone in his hand. He was in the process of dialing when Beyond suddenly cackled.

"You're all fools," the murderer snarled. "Every single one of you! Work as hard as you can to save him, little fools, because it's not going to do anything!"

"Shut up!" Matt snapped, speaking before L had a chance to do so much as open his mouth in response. "You've lost, Beyond!"

"Have I?" he purred. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, Mattie."

A visible shiver passed up Matt's form at the use of the nickname.

"Now…" Beyond continued, eyeing Near viciously. "Tell me, Near, how sure of yourself are you with that gun?"

Near blinked, clearly confused. "I am sure that I can kill you if you attempt anything."

"Are you? Really?" The murderer's lips were pulled back in a sneer. "Let's test that, then."

L's eyes flickered back to Beyond, and he understood in a heartbeat what was about to happen. "Near!" he ordered in a cry. "Shoot! Shoot him now!"

Unfortunately, the white-haired detective was slow to understand. In a single heartbeat, Beyond moved forward at near-inhuman speeds and snatched up L's fallen gun and turning it on the successor. "Move!" the dark-haired murderer snarled.

"No," Near responded evenly, despite the fact that Beyond's gun was trained on his head. "If you attempt to pass, I will shoot you."

"You already had your chance," Beyond spat back. "You missed it. Now, move or I'll shoot."

Near's eyes narrowed as he tightened his finger on the trigger slightly. "No."

Snarling, Beyond turned his gaze on L, who was still pressing a towel to Light's back. Matt's hands were full with keeping pressure on the slit across Light's neck, and Mello was still standing frozen with his cell phone in one hand. "L," Beyond hissed. "I'm sure you know how this goes. Either you let me go free, or you stay here in a stalemate, and Light bleeds out. He's been bleeding for so long now, I wouldn't be surprised if he dies within the next few minutes." He inched towards the door subtly. "So, what's it going to be, L? Stopping me, or saving your lover?"

L looked back down at Light. The teen was terribly still, barely shifting as he lay face-first on the chair. His back was badly damaged, and the rest of him wasn't exactly in stellar condition. There was no telling if he'd been given food or water, and after being kept in such dangerous conditions, losing this much blood was no doubt life threatening. He didn't have long. There's no choice, L thought bitterly. If I want to save Light… then I have to let him go. L turned his gaze on the first ranked successor. "Near," he said softly. The teen looked up at him, and the complete trust in his eyes almost made L falter in what he said next. "Step aside. Let him go."

"What?" Near gasped. A heartbeat later, Mello echoed his exclamation in a slightly more profane way. "You can't expect me to let him go!"

"Near," L responded, barely controlling the tremor in his voice. "Light is losing a lot of blood. If we don't end this now, then we won't be able to save him. Now please, step aside and let Beyond pass! We'll catch him after Light is healed!"

There was a long, agonizing moment of silence, in which Near gazed evenly at L, clearly calculating his next move. Then, very, very slowly, Near lowered his gun and stepped out of the doorway. "Very well, L," he consented.

Beyond grinned toothily, keeping his gun trained on Near as he moved, not for the door, but for the table. He snatched one of the black notebooks off the table, leaving the other one untouched. Satisfied, he prowled towards the door. "Good choice," he purred. "I wanted to kill him myself, but it seems that that'll have to wait for another day." He'd reached the doorway. "Oh…" he went on. "And you can keep that notebook. Light's going to need it when he comes to his senses and joins me!" Swiftly, deliberately, he exited the room and stood with his hand on the door handle. "It's been fun," he called back into the room. "I'll be back for you later, Lawli! And your beautiful little boyfriend too!"

The door slammed shut.

L's attention immediately returned to Light. He shook him lightly with one hand in hopes of waking him up, while the other remained firmly pressed to the towel covering his wounds. There was no response.

Near gently pulled L from Light's body, taking his place at the teen's back. "L, you shouldn't touch him," Near warned sharply. "We have no idea what state of mind he's in right now—if he wakes up, he could lash out at you thinking you're Beyond. You must remember how similar you look." The first ranked successor looked back to Mello, ordering, "Mello, go through with calling Soichiro. Tell him we have Light, and that Beyond is attempting to flee the building. Maybe we'll be able to catch him before he escapes." The words were hollow. Everyone present knew that Beyond was already gone.

L stared nervously at Light, barely managing to keep himself from returning to his lover's body. He instead watched as Matt turned Light's head to one side gently, removing the towel and examining the slit across the teen's throat.

"It isn't deep," he announced. "L, you shot Beyond just in time. Another second, and this might not have been salvageable." He pressed the towel back against Light's neck firmly. "It might not require stitching." He looked up at Mello, who was shoving his phone back in his pocket after his call to Soichiro. "Mells, are you done with that call?"

"Yeah, the members of the task force are watching as many exit points as they can."

"Then get over here and apply pressure on this wound—I'm going to check the rest of his body for any severe injuries."

Mello nodded, approaching and pressing down hard on the towel. Matt moved to examine the rest of Light's body. L watched as Matt checked over Light's form, checking for any other source of extreme blood loss. Much to L's relief, it appeared that there were no other life-threatening wounds—though the number of lacerations, bruises, and cuts was astounding. He was surprised that the Light was still alive after the torture he had no doubt endured.

"Hey…" L said suddenly, noticing the black notebook and pen Beyond had left behind. He'd said that Light would need it when he decided to join him… what had he meant? "What is this thing?" He walked up to the notebook and picked it up, opening it and riffling through it. "I've seen all these names before," he murmured. "These are the names of murdered criminals. Is he keeping a record?"

"Deal with the notebook later!" Mello snapped. "Light needs you!"

That seemed to snap L out of it. He swiftly returned to Light's side, being careful not to get too close just in case he awoke and attempted to attack him.

"I think it's safe for you to get close, if you want," Near said softly. "He shows no signs of awakening, and I don't think he'd be able to move even if he did happen to wake up."

L was immediately at Light's side, threading his hands through his blood-crusted hair, gently untangling it. His fingers traced a dark bruise painted cruelly over the juncture between shoulder and neck. Beyond… L cursed his name. He would be brought to justice for this.

"We need to get him out of here," Matt said, his inspection of Light's injuries complete. "I don't know how severe his condition is—he looks like he hasn't eaten in days, he's dehydrated, there are several wounds that are looking infected—and his back is severely damaged. And his ribs… I can't say for sure because of all the cuts, but I believe that some of them are cracked."

Nodding, L said, "I'll carry him. You three keep your guns ready." He looped his arms beneath Light and lifted him, cradling the injured boy to his chest. He carefully used one hand to keep the towel against Light's back in an attempt to stem the flow of blood. The fact that he could feel Light's chest rising and falling against his own was enough to comfort the shaken detective, even through the knowledge that all was not well. Light… was alive! The thought was still sinking in. He'd been expecting to walk into the warehouse and find Light's cooling body. He'd expected to bring back a corpse, not a living, breathing boy. He could barely believe that he had his lover back. But then again…

Light had yet to awaken, and he was badly injured. What if he was unable to recover physically? What if Beyond's torturing had forced him into a coma? And even if he wasn't in a perpetual state of unconsciousness, L feared greatly for Light's mental state. Beyond had made it perfectly clear that he intended to break Light in every way. And he'd had more than enough time to wear away at the teen's mind. It was highly likely Light had sustained serious damage to his psyche. But L wouldn't know how had it was until he awoke.

They took the stairwell back to the ground floor and exited the building, where they were swiftly met by the rest of the task force, all of whom had apparently abandoned their post after hearing the front door open. As expected, Beyond was nowhere to be found. Soichiro was the first to greet his battered son, not even attempting to hide the tears that spilled down his cheeks as L lay the teen down across the back seat of his car—face-first, so it was still possible to apply pressure to the grievous wounds splayed across his back.

"Chief Yagami, please hold yourself back until we have situated Light back in the infirmary at HQ." L requested shakily.

"What? No! He needs to go to a hospital!"

L shook his head. "I took Light to the hospital when he was ill because I had no means of treating a fever as severe as his without professional help. However, Watari is more than capable of handling physical wounds such as these. Now please, Chief Yagami, we must go. Every second we wait is another moment Light weakens due to blood loss." He hoped that no one would detect the slight tremor in his hands, nor in his voice.

Soichiro seemed to come to his senses upon hearing those words, backing away and allowing L to enter the car, followed by his successors. The task force piled into the van being driven by Mogi and followed the limo out of the parking lot.

Hang on, L begged silently, pressing hard against the blood-soaked towel. Please, Light, just… hang on.

†††

Light's condition was just a few threads away from being classified as critical. He'd been rushed back to HQ and immediately locked away in the infirmary by Watari, who refused to allow L or the successors in until his work was done. A few gut-wrenching hours later, the inventor had emerged from the infirmary with a grim expression on his face, and for just a moment L feared the worst—that is, until Watari offered them a small, tense smile, and L's heart nearly melted under the heat of his violent wave of relief.

As Watari explained, Light's condition was far from ideal. He was covered in minor lacerations that would no doubt leave faint scars crisscrossing over his skin. Some of said lacerations had grown infected, and it had taken quite a while to clean and bind each one so they wouldn't pose a problem. Already, the light infections were causing a low fever to surface—but it was nothing compared to the illness that had ravaged Light's system prior to bring kidnapped. As long as it didn't rise too high, and the wounds were treated properly, Watari believed it would be okay to keep him in HQ. In addition, the long slit across the teen's neck, while not nearly as severe as it could have been, was concerning Watari greatly. He'd attempted to repair the damage to the best of his abilities, but it was still entirely possible that it would leave a distinct scar. And then there were the severe burns across Light's chest and stomach. As Watari gently informed L, those burns would really scar, leaving behind large blotches that would never fade. Light would have the marks from his encounter with Beyond for the rest of his life.

But even that wasn't the worst of it. Light's ribs had been severely damaged, and had already begun to heal improperly. Watari had been forced to re-break some of them and set them in place, as well as setting two broken fingers and a fractured left ulna. And then there were those terribly deep marks across Light's back. The marks that so perfectly matched L's. Those too would leave deep, ragged scars, despite Watari's best efforts to repair the damage. Beyond had sliced clean through muscle, the inventor explained, and so it had been especially difficult to piece the tatters back together—but he'd done it, and though it wasn't perfect (Light would be in pain for quite some time, and he'd probably never have quite the same range of motion in his left shoulder), it was the best he could do considering the circumstances. Light was lucky to be alive after losing so much blood and being tortured for so long. He'd nearly died. If Watari hadn't had the necessary supplies to perform a blood transfusion on hand, Light really would have died.

After Watari emerged with news of Light's survival, L had hoped to be able to speak to the teen immediately. But due to Light's severe injuries, Watari had put him on a high dose of pain medication—and that combined with Light's natural exhaustion after so many days of torture meant that it would be a while before he was ready to awaken.

So it was back to waiting beside Light's bed for him to awaken. Back to endless tension as he waited to see what damage Beyond had inflicted.

It was maddening, just waiting. But he supposed there was nothing else to do but wait, especially seeing as Beyond hadn't left any new clues as to his whereabouts or intentions. Well, actually, he did have one thing he could do—go through the strange notebook, labeled Death Note. Criminals' names were written on every page he turned until about the halfway point, when it reverted to blank pages. But that wasn't all. One some of the pages there were descriptions written as to the deaths of the criminals. And after a short check through his laptop, it was confirmed—the deaths described were exactly the same as what was written. But could this really mean that this notebook had the power to kill…?

He doubted it. His rational mind rejected the idea with every fiber of its being, but he knew that after all the things he'd seen, it was entirely possible. But he would only be able to test it by writing a name in it, and he would rather not kill someone. But then again, if he tried the notebook and it worked…he could kill anyone. He could kill Beyond.

This train of thought led him to crouch in a chair at his desk, the TV clicked on, pen hovering over the notebook, for several nights in a row. He wanted to kill to test the notebook. He wanted to know if it was real. His eyes flickered over every face and name of every criminal as they scrolled by. Is it you? He would ask himself. Are you the one I'll kill? He had even gone as far as to press the pen to the paper and begin writing the first letter—only to stop halfway through, remembering that if this was actually the real deal, it was likely that this was the object that had controlled Light's actions for so long. He didn't want to touch the thing. But his curiosity… it burned.

And he didn't know if he could resist it for long.

†††

"Light!" a voice called in a singsong tone. "Oh, Light, where are you? Don't you want to play with me?"

I pressed my back against one of the great oak trees surrounding me, chest heaving as I fought for breath. The water was still a safe distance away, and Kira was nowhere in sight—but that voice seemed to follow me, seeking me out no matter how hard I tried to get away. I had no way to track the time that had passed since the child shinigami had disappeared, but it felt like forever. All I'd done since the shinigami left was run, and run, and run. The red sea was still at my back, flowing steadily over grass, overtaking rocks, staining the landscape a bright, fiery red—but it had yet to catch me. I seemed to be much faster than the water—though I knew that my mind was only so large, and it would only be a matter of time before I had nowhere else to run. I had to find a way to win against Kira, but I had no idea how to fight. All I could do was run. And with every step I took, every ragged breath I drew, Kira's voice echoed in my ears. I could never see him; he was always completely out of sight. And I knew, logically, that he couldn't be near me—from what I'd gathered, he was unable to step outside the red sea. But even though he wasn't visible, his voice was more than enough to drive me to the brink of insanity.

"Stop running, Light…" that voice whispered. "Let me in… let me heal you… let me make you complete…"

"Stop!" I hissed, raising my hands to my hair and tugging in a useless attempt to rid myself of Kira's voice. "Stop doing this!"

A low snarl echoed around the inside of my skull. "You disappoint me, Light. We were so close before… we were calculating, functional, effective… why won't you let us be that way again? When you relinquished possession of the notebook and banished me you had great ideas and beliefs. But now that we are finally reunited, I see that you are… tainted. I can taste it in your blood, see it in every move you make." He let out a dark laugh. "You fell in love with the enemy and betrayed me, and now you're going to pay the price. You're going to be punished."

"L is not the enemy!" I snarled. "He wants nothing more than to put an end to your reckless actions, and I intend to do anything I can to help him—even if it results in my death! I will not betray him for the likes of you."

He purred, "It's not up to you anymore. You will betray L because you have no other choice. I know you, Light. I know that you will not simply lay here and accept my control. You will fight until you have no strength left, you will run until the only patch of your mind not bathed in red lies beneath your feet. And when that happens, I will consume you, and we will be one once again."

"You'll kill me!" I responded viciously. "You don't intend to become one, you intend to extinguish all the good left in you. Don't forget Kira, just as you know me, I know you."

There was a low, dangerous sounding snarl. "Dying a hero is better than living as the cowardly villain you would be with L as your master. When I gain control, I will become a god."

"You will be a monster," I retorted. "You think that killing criminals is taking the path of justice, but you're wrong. All you're doing is fueling your god complex!"

For a long moment there was silence, and I almost hoped to believe that Kira had backed off. But then he spoke once more, and though his tone was soft, his words venomous. "And what would you do if you retained control? Please, enlighten me as to how you would go about things."

I was beginning to get my breath back, mercifully. The ache in my side was fading, and though my head hurt terribly, it wasn't incapacitating. "That's easy. I'd work with L and catch criminals the right way."

"The right way…" Kira scoffed. "You've become so boring, so unimaginative. Where's the fun in doing things the right way? Sometimes to do the world good, youhave to become the bad guy. We accepted that when we took on the responsibility of killing criminals, did we not? We sacrificed our soul for that responsibility."

"You sacrificed our soul," I corrected harshly. "I had no part in it."

"No, no. That's not right. I think you're forgetting, dear Light, that we were one and the same before we gave up the notebook. You had just as much a hand in what happened as I."

It was true, I knew. The thought made my stomach churn—the thought that no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I had wanted to kill those criminals, I had wanted to kill L.

"Oh, how it hurts me to see your anguish…" Kira sighed. "I could make it all better if you'd join me again. It would be easy… all you'd have to do is walk towards the water."

"Never," I spat. "I'll keep running as long as it takes—I'm going to find a way to beat you, I swear it!"

"And how do you think you're going to accomplish that?" Kira asked, his tone chastising. "What can you possibly do to stop me?"

I gritted my teeth. "I…" I trailed off, struggling to think of a way out. How did one go about fighting a part of one's own memories? That's easy, I realized. I'd been so shaken by discovering this other side to my personality—or more accurately, an entirely different personality—that I hadn't been able to calm down and think logically about the problem. But now, leaning back against the silvery tree trunk of a great oak, the answer blared out at me like a neon sign. I have to forget. And if I want to forget, then there's only one thing that I can do.

"And finally, your feeble mind grasps the simplest of concepts!" Kira gasped, his tone mockingly impressed. "I swear, you're useless without me, Light! Your mind is so fragmented that you couldn't even think of the most obvious solution to your problem! This is why you need me."

I wasn't listening. My mind was too busy figuring out what should have been obvious from the beginning. I had to give it up. I had to give up the notebook. But while I was in here, in this dream, in my mind, I had no way to do such a thing. I had to awaken, and I had to awaken now!

"That's right…" Kira purred, and I realized with a jolt that he was responding to thoughts that I hadn't spoken aloud. He could hear me whether I was speaking aloud or not. "If you could just find a way to relinquish control of the notebook, then you would forget me, and the red sea would vanish. It's the ideal solution—simple, straight to the point, bloodless. But something's wrong, you're thinking. If the solution is really as easy as speaking a few words to give it all up, then why didn't that child shinigami tell you? Why did he say the only way was to either die or engage me in a battle of wills?" He cackled. "There must be something more, right? Something that you're not being told?"

My mind whirred at top speed. He was right, of course—if the solution was so easy, the boy would have told me. So what was I missing? What key element dictated that I couldn't just give up the notebook and lose my memories, lose Kira?

"Can't figure it out?" the murderer crowed. "Do you want me to tell you?" He didn't wait for me to respond. "Relinquishing possession of the Death Note isn't going to work anymore, Light! It's too late for that, I'm afraid. It's too late because I've already dug my talons deep, deep into your mind—and I have no intention of letting go anytime soon. Despite all your running, I've already gained just a modicum of control. And do you know how?"

I… I had a suspicion. My eyes flickered down to my silvery form, running over the places where Kira had touched me. The metallic red splotches hadn't faded after he broke contact—they were still there, standing out hideously against the cool, silvery blue of the rest of my body.

"That's right," Kira praised mockingly. "You let me touch you, Light. You shouldn't have done that. That boy should never have taken you to the water's edge. Because now, now that you're stained with red, it's too late to give up possession of the notebook. You've already handed a part of yourself over to me, and I intend to utilize it. You can try, and try, and try to give up the notebook, my Light. But no matter how hard you want to speak, to scream those words up to the sky, they will never pass your lips. For with that control you've given me, I will make it impossible for you to give up the Death Note. That, Light, is why it is too late."

Fear jolted through me. He'd only touched me for a mere moment, and he'd gained that much control? Enough to stop me from speaking the words that would grant me the release of amnesia? I snarled, barely concealing the panic swelling in my chest, "Then I will fight you with my will alone, and I will win."

Kira laughed loudly. "Fight me with your will? That's what the shinigami told you, isn't it? That you could fight me from inside you own head, or something equally ridiculous? Because he's wrong, Light. Oh, sure, you can try to fight me with your will—but it's not going to do you any good. You'll be going up against a bear with a toothpick as your weapon. You might manage to hold me off for a little while that way, but in the end it's going to amount to nothing. All it's going to do is put off the inevitable." I couldn't see him—but I knew that if I could, there would be a savage grin stretched across his face. "That foolish shinigami… for all his power, he has no idea just how formidable I've become. He underestimated me terribly, and you're going to be the one to pay for it."

My stomach lurched. The shinigami… he'd been wrong? Was it really true that fighting Kira was only putting off the inevitable? If that was true… then there was only one way to get rid of him permanently. "Then I will tell L that I am Kira, and he will kill me." Yes, I thought. If I tell L that I am Kira, it is certain that he will kill me. I do not doubt the affection he feels for me, but if he is faced with something so concrete as a confession, he will have no choice but to have me executed. He… he is the man I love, but he is also the world's greatest detective, and he is bound to his duty to catch and execute Kira.

Kira scoffed, "It's not going to work. You can tell L whatever you want, for it makes no difference in the end. He will do nothing to stop me—and he will not kill you. He couldn't bear to lay a hand on his precious Light, not even if he knows that I'm a part of you. He loves you. And that love, that damned emotion, is going to be his undoing. When I consume you in a torrent of red, I will kill him, and he will be unable to do anything, for he will only be able to see the mask of his perfect boyfriend, not the murderer lurking beneath." He purred, "L won't be able to bring himself to raise a hand to you nor me. So when I gain control—and I will gain control—I will murder him, the successors, and the task force. Then I will find Beyond, and we will work to complete my goal of ridding this world of all its scum."

"Are you insane?" I gasped. "Do you have any idea what that monster did to us?"

"I am more than aware of the tortures he put you through. But that doesn't mean I don't want his help, especially after he so willingly offered it. He acts towards Kira much in the same way that Misa Amane acts towards you. Obsessed to the point of being willingly used just to get closer. He's the perfect tool."

"He'll kill us both," I rasped. "He was inches away from slitting our throat when we passed out."

"He only sought to kill you because he thought that you had denounced me," Kira said carelessly. "If I go to him as the god he desires, then he will fall into the palm of my hand."

He was right, I knew. If Kira gained control, if he went to Beyond, then it would all be over. There would be no hope for the world, no hope for the task force—no hope for L. "I will never let you take control," I assured Kira, my voice shaking slightly with every word. I will kill myself before I allow you to override my authority over my own body!"

"Its our body," he corrected in a chastising tone. "And you can try, but I'll stop you long before you get within a mile of claiming your own life. I trust I'll have L's help on that front, at least."

He already has so much control… I thought desperately. If he touches me again, who knows what else he'll be able to do?"

"Oh… and let's not kid ourselves," Kira whispered, and his hushed voice increased in volume as if he were leaning towards me. "I know you, Light Yagami. I know how intelligent you are. And so I know that behind those pretty little eyes of yours, you're already coming up with a plan to get rid of me."

My heart skipped a beat.

"And I know what that plan is, Light. I know that L knows nothing about the Death Note other than what's written. And one of the things not written is the fact that if the notebook is burned, ownership is immediately renounced. I know you're going to tell L to burn the Death Note, thus getting rid of me forever." He cackled. "But I won't let you do it. If you so much as think about telling him to burn the notebook, I will crush you. You won't even have the chance to part your lips in the beginnings of a word before I silence you."

"Y-you can't," I choked out.

"I can, and I will," the murderer snarled. "So behave yourself, Light."

The ground suddenly shook beneath my feet. An earthquake? In my head? I lurched away from the oak tree, watching for falling branches.

"Oh," Kira whispered. "One last thing."

The ground shook more and more violently beneath my feet, throwing me momentarily off balance. "What is it?" I snapped above the rumbling that was suddenly filling the static air.

"Look behind you."

Kira's voice went completely silent, as if someone had turned off a radio. I immediately whirled around in the direction of the sea, and—

No… how did it move so swiftly? How? The red sea was lapping at the trees mere feet from my position. I could only watch in horror as the red splashed against the silvery bark of the great oaks. Metallic scarlet climbed up the trunks like wildfire, infecting every inch of silver, down to the very last leaf. Despite its high speed, the water seemed to move in slow motion as it consumed each oak, lurching further and further in my direction. The ground shook beneath my feet once again, and this time I realized what was causing it as one of the great oaks' roots were ripped from the ground, splintering the scarlet earth as the tree fell with a mighty thud to the ground, where it was consumed by water. Run! I told myself, but my feet were locked in place. Run, run now!

With a shuddering gasp, I obeyed. There was no time to think as I lurched forward into the forest, ducking in and out of trees in an attempt to escape the sea. I crashed through silver undergrowth, trampled silver blades of grass, narrowly avoided being whipped by silver branches. I willed the ground to warp beneath me as it had when I was with the kid shinigami, but it stayed stubbornly in place. I was barely outrunning the scarlet water, and I knew that if I slipped up just once, it would all be over. It felt like ages that I continued running, running, and running even more through the trees. I tore through the forest and emerged on a grassy plain, and that too was left in the dust mere minutes later as I plunged into a mountainous area, splashing through a stream of silvery water. I began to traverse the rocky area, climbing higher and higher as the water rose on my heels. I was thrown into a near-vertical climb, and it took everything I had not to slip back into the water. The closer the stuff got, the more whispers filled my mind—whispers urging me to let go, to leap into Kira's arms, to miss my next foothold and slip, falling peacefully into a deep slumber. I barely managed to hold onto the rock face, those whispers filling my head with poisonous promises. But I did manage it, and a few moments later my fingers grasped the top of the cliff, and I yanked myself atop it with a gasp. My lungs were burning, my chest was heaving, my whole body ached. I tried to run, but my legs felt like jelly—they gave out beneath me, and I was sent sprawling to the ground. No, no! I wailed silently. Get up! You have to keep running! I couldn't move. My whole body was paralyzed. I tried to close my eyes, tried to brace for the end, but I couldn't move a muscle. I listened hard for the gurgle of the water, attempting to gauge when it would reach me.

But… there was nothing.

I frowned—at least, I would have had I been able to move. The water had stopped moving. Why? I stared to my left, away from the water, where I'd been looking when I fell to the ground. Wait… I thought. The trees aren't swaying in the wind. The clouds have stopped moving. Everything is… still. Motionless. It's not just me…

There was a voice whispering in my ear. A soft, heart wrenchingly familiar voice. Not the voice of Kira, no… it was someone else. Someone close to me.

Wake up… that voice whispered. It's time to wake up now, Light… please, wake up…

L… I wanted to cry out, to reach for the man whispering in my ear. But I remained paralyzed, unable to do so much as look around. L, I'm here! I'm alive!

The effort of even attempting to speak left me breathless, and for a moment I thought I was about to pass out as my lungs suddenly refused to function. The landscape around me was darkening, and I realized with a start that I really was falling into unconsciousness—but that couldn't be, since I was already unconscious. Perhaps, I thought, I was waking up. I wanted to think on that further, to decipher just what was happening—but before I could, the world slipped out from under me, and I was thrown into darkness.

†††

My eyes opened slowly, and the first thing I felt was agony. It felt slightly dulled for some reason, but it was still there, gnawing painfully at my body. I heard the sound of something being set down beside me, and immediately my mind filled with panic. Oh god… had Beyond returned? Was that why I had awoken, why I'd been torn from that landscape of silver and red? What tortures had he planned for today? I pushed myself back against the headboard—wait, headboard? Was I on a bed? No matter, I still pushed myself as far against the headboard as I could, eyes flitting about in search of Beyond. Then, finally I saw him. I thought that something seemed off about him… but my mind felt to fuzzy for me to recognize what that difference was. All I knew was that he was getting closer, and when that happened pain always followed.

"Light, please, I need you to calm down!" the monster insisted, his expression uncharacteristically concerned.

I looked up at him and shook my head. No… no! I have to escape! I can't take any more of this!

†††

Light appeared terrified, eyes glazed as he stared at L. "No," he whimpered. "Beyond… please, get away!" L slowly raised a hand, taking a step forward. The teen had been peacefully sleeping just a few moments ago—but he'd suddenly tensed, his whole form rigid with pain—and then he'd awoken with a terrible, rattling gasp, pushing himself back against the headboard as L set down the pen he'd been twirling between two fingers.

"I am not Beyond," he insisted sharply, attempting to calm the panicking teen. "I am L!" Another step forward.

"Please!" Light repeated, his plea growing to a shriek as L refused to stop his advance. "Please!" The word was thrown at him like a prayer. "I can't take this any more! Just kill me; don't hurt me any more!"

L drew back with a gasp. Kill him? The damage to his psyche was greater than he'd feared. "I won't come any closer," he assured the panicked teen. Immediately relief flooded into his amber eyes. He curled himself into a ball, eyes still watching L tentatively. He was clearly too damaged to recognize L at the moment. He would need time to recover. "Are you hungry?" L offered. "I could arrange for Watari to bring you some food."

He snarled as if the idea were the worst in the world. "You already pulled that one," he spat. "Aphrodisiac in the food…"

L shuddered at the thought. "I promise, there won't be anything harmful in what I bring you. Will you eat?"

The teen shook his head harshly, curling his arms tighter over his legs. He winced as the action jarred his ribs, but didn't make a move to change positions. "Don't torture me," he whispered, voice barely audible. "I'll tell you anything, do anything you want! Just please, please don't do that again!"

"I won't," L said softly, though he wasn't quite sure what that was referring to. "Will you at least drink something?" He plucked a glass of water from the bedside table and pushed it towards Light with one finger. The teen eyed the glass wearily before reaching out and taking it. He stared suspiciously into the clear liquid, inhaling the scent carefully. Seemingly deciding it was safe, Light began to drink deeply from it. Good… that was good. "Light, do you know who I am?"

"Beyond," he rasped. "Murderer."

"And… how do you feel about L?"

"L…?" He sounded confused. "I… I l-loved him."

Loved? "What do you mean by loved?"

"Y-you said I s-shouldn't love L," he stuttered, expression completely devoid of life. It was as if it had been programmed into him. "Y-you wanted me to g-give up on him…"

"Do not give up on L!" L snapped harshly, taking a step forward subconsciously. "You're not allowed to give up!" He regretted the words immediately when Light screeched, throwing himself from the bed and backing into a corner like a scared animal.

"S-sorry!" Light sank into a crouch, eyes cast towards the ground.

L slowly approached, kneeling a few feet from Light. He inched closer, growing bolder when Light showed no sign of running. He held up his palms in a calming gesture as Light's eyes flitted up and down his form. For a moment something like recognition flickered through his amber orbs. But it was gone so fast it was hard to be sure. L slowly reached out with one hand, palm up, and touched the fingertips to Light's knee.

The reaction was immediate.

Instead of drawing away like L had expected, Light was suddenly flat on his back, stalk still. His eyes were squeezed shut, fists clenched in terror, but he wouldn't move from his position. L frowned, considering what that might mean. But his questions were immediately answered when Light spread his legs slightly, whimpering, "Please… gently this time!"

"Light, no!" L hissed, tugging at him in an attempt to get him standing. "I don't want that from you!"

The teen turned his head to one side. It took a moment for L to realize that he was baring his neck submissively. God… what had Beyond done to him? "Oh, Light…" he whispered, lowering himself over the teen's body in a gentle embrace, as not to further damage his ribs. Light tensed the moment L touched him, but still didn't move. L ran his hands through sweat dampened hair, longing to kiss Light but knowing that doing so would only cement his belief that he was Beyond.

L gently rose, lifting Light back to the bed. The teen stared at him with bewildered eyes.

"You're not going to have your way with me today?" he asked. "You're not going to do anything? Not even kiss me?"

"No," L sighed. "I am not Beyond Birthday. I am L, and I would never do anything to hurt you."

Light stared, confused. "But… you're him. You're the murderer!"

"I'm not—!" L wondered briefly if this was how Light had felt being constantly accused of being Kira. "Light… I swear to you, I am not Beyond, and I will not hurt you. Now, please… you need to rest. You're not thinking clearly. It will all be better when you next awaken, I promise."

"But—!" the teen spluttered indignantly.

"No," L cut him off. "Rest now, Light." When the teen still didn't move, L reached a hand out and pushed him down gently, settling him back onto the pillows.

Light shied away from L's touch as if he'd been struck, immediately closing his eyes. But it was a long while before he actually found rest again, the change in his breathing signaling his passage into an uneasy slumber.

L reached out a few minutes after the teen fell asleep, caressing the side of his bruised face with a few fingertips. When he showed no signs of moving, the detective leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lover's forehead. "It will all be better when you wake up," he whispered.

If only, L thought, that were true.

†††

Light's eyes opened again one day later. This time he pressed himself back against the headboard just as he had the first time. But when his eyes fell on L, he immediately deflated, tears beginning to form at his eyes. "L…" he whimpered, and the detective was more than relieved to know that Light recognized him.

"Light," he whispered in return, closing the distance between them and embracing him fiercely. "I'm here… you're okay."

"L," he repeated, and the detective could feel hot tears soaking through his shirt. "No… I'm not okay. Everything is wrong, nothing is okay!" He sounded so panicked.

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

"Beyond… you have no idea…" He choked as he attempted to speak, fists curling weakly into my shirt. It was a long while before he spoke his next words. "I'm broken…"

"No!" L snapped, holding him tighter. "You're cracked and damaged, but not broken. I can seal the splinters in your mask if you give me the chance, I promise you." Light looked upon the detective with so much pain and sadness—it was heartbreaking to see what Beyond had managed to do in just ten days.

"Oh, L," he whispered, bringing a hand up to press against his cheek. "I'm so sorry, but…" He trailed off, eyes glazing over as his arm fell back to his side, completely limp.

Light didn't say anything else that day. Instead he leaned back against the pillows and stared unseeingly at the ceiling. L could only imagine what horrors he was reliving behind those amber eyes. Light didn't resist as L curled up against him—though he had no way of knowing if that was because Beyond had drilled it into his skull that he wasn't allowed to resist his advances. Either way, L wrapped the younger man in his arms and nuzzled comfortingly into his neck, which was still marked with several purple splotches and bite marks—and of course, that long, thin cut. L gently kissed Light's throat, caressing the bruised flesh with his lips. A jolt of pain shot through his chest when Light's only response was a slight flinch. He was going to have to work on fixing that. He wanted Light to smile when he kissed him. He wanted to hear Light's voice carry something other than pain.

When the nightmares began, L crushed Light to his chest and didn't let go.

†††

I kept going over it, again, and again, and again… It didn't seem real.

I was Kira.

Well, I was possessed by Kira—but he had been created from my mind.

It was all… my… fault.

These hands had killed hundreds of people… I had personally seen to the demise of other humans, and I had been happy watching them die. Worst of all, I'd planned to kill L! I'd tried to kill the one person in this world I never wanted to see hurt! I couldn't accept that, no matter what. But the other part of my mind, the part bathed in blood, was whispering poisonous words into my ear, urging me to strangle him while he slept. My mind couldn't handle such conflicting ideas. I could feel myself at my breaking point. I was so torn up… I could barely speak to L. I wanted to look him in the eye and tell him the three words that would be my doom.

I am Kira.

But my lips refused to form the words. All I could do was stare at L endlessly, observe his beautiful face and think about the fact that soon I would tell him the truth and he would have no choice but to have me executed.

Kira is wrong, I thought. He has to be… if I confess, then L can't simply step back and let a murderer go free. He'll have no choice but to deliver me to justice for what I've done. He'll be faced with a choice between killing Kira and saving me, and… and he won't choose me. Duty must come before love. I… I don't want this to happen. I don't want to die, but…if it's true that fighting Kira is just putting off the inevitable, if it's true that the child shinigami has underestimated Kira's power… then perhaps it would be better for me to leave this world before I have the chance to hurt anyone else. If I go on like this… I could end up killing L.

I knew that when L delivered me to my execution, it would hurt him greatly. But it was far preferable to leave him alive and in mourning than to kill him and be forced to live with the fact that I was the one who allowed it to happen. This…my death…it was best for all of us.

Soon I would never have to live with the pain of being Kira again. Soon… I would regain my ability to speak, and I could end my own pathetic life.

†††

The day came soon enough. I awoke and tested my voice out. "L."

He looked up at me, and the hope in his eyes almost made me lose the will to tell him. But the pain deep in my chest that had nothing to do with my injuries made me remember why I had to. What would happen if I didn't.

"Light!" he gasped. "Are you coherent? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," I lied. "It doesn't hurt so badly now."

He looked more than relieved. "Thank god… I was so worried you weren't going to come back to yourself."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I'd come back to myself the second time I'd awoken, and just hadn't gotten up the nerve to speak to him again. "I'm back," I assured him. "But L… there's something that you need to know."

"It can wait," L said softly. "Light, I know how much this must hurt, but… I need to know what Beyond did to you."

I winced. "I'm sorry, L, but those memories are painful. I don't want to relive them."

He reached out a hand and brushed it through my hair. I could tell he was longing to kiss me, but didn't want to spark up unpleasant memories. "Please, tell me," he whispered. "You don't have to go into extreme detail, just… say something."

I bowed my head. I would have to tell him sooner than later. Slowly, I began, voice shaking uncontrollably. "You saw the results of what he did, and the rooms with his torture devices in them. I'm sure you can put two and two together. He…he tortured me with knives, whips, anything he could get his hands on. And he… he violated me." I shuddered, blocking out the countless memories surging to the forefront of my mind. "Again, and again… he was nothing like you."

"Beyond has always been a masochist of sorts," L murmured. "I can't imagine what he must have done to you."

"You saw the room. The one with the steel table, the one covered in blood. You can imagine the rest."

Pain flickered across his features. "I am truly sorry that I couldn't find you in time." He leaned closer, and before I knew what was happening he was straddling me, pressing me lightly into the bed. He was practically shaking with relief as he held me close, and I realized with a start just how shaken he'd been by all of this. His fingertips brushed across my face gently, and the loving adoration in his eyes was unbearable. "Light…" he whispered. "Can I…?"

I barely had the chance to nod before he leaned in and kissed me chastely. I almost tried to pull away and tell him the truth, but it felt so good to be kissing someone I loved again that I melted against him, pulling him closer for just a heartbeat, allowing myself just one more moment of comfort before I brought the roof down on his head.

"L," I whispered, sitting up and shifting him from my lap. "I need you to be serious. Listen to me."

He nodded, watching me intently.

I took a deep breath. That had been the last time I would ever kiss L. This was the last time he would ever look at me with that innocence that I loved so much. This was it. The end. "Did you take a black notebook from the warehouse?"

"Yes, actually. How did you know about it?"

"It… it is called the Death Note, and it is how Kira kills. The person who has ownership of that notebook has the power to kill by writing a name in it." L opened his mouth to say something, but I silenced him with a shake of my head. I would not let him interrupt this. "When you have ownership, you retain all memories of everything you do with the notebook. But the instant you relinquish control, all memories of the Death Note and what you did while using it vanish. You suspected that Misa and I were controlled using the notebook and then were suddenly released with no memories of our actions. But you were wrong, L, because the Death Note cannot control the actions of people unless they are about to die." I locked eyes with him. "Do you understand what I am saying to you?"

His eyes were wide, jaw slack. "You… you were in possession of a Death Note, and you relinquished possession. That's why you suddenly lost your memories. But… how do you remember all of this now?"

"Beyond had two Death Notes," I went on, dreading the next part of the story. "He gave up possession of one and passed it on to me." I reached out a bruised hand, the one with the two broken fingers, and caressed his cheek. "I remember everything, L," I whispered. "I remember who I am."

"Kira," he rasped. Tears were forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I offered softly. "But you were right. I am Kira."

"You… you murdered hundreds of people!" His voice was shaky. "You tried to kill me time and time again… you were so cruel! You can't tell me that it was all you! I'd hoped that you were telling me the truth when you denied your identity as Kira!"

"I'm telling you now. I am Kira. I am the one the task force has been looking for, the original. I am more than aware that by revealing my identity to you, you are now obligated to turn me in and have me executed. However…" My voice cracked, and just for a heartbeat I was unable to speak. "I… I would like to ask a favor of you. I don't want my father to suffer any more than he already has, or any more than is necessary. So please, L… don't tell him who I am. At least make my execution private, and tell him that I died of my injuries." I ran my thumb across L's cheek, removing the trail of liquid that had escaped one of his obsidian eyes. "You… you could do it now, L. You could kill me before I have the chance to hurt anyone else. You could spare yourself the pain of waiting for my execution."

"Light—!"

"But before you kill me, I need to explain what has happened. You… you deserve to know." I took a deep, shaky breath. I could barely look at L, could barely look upon the pain displayed so blatantly across his face. "In the beginning, I was the same as Kira. We were one and the same, sharing the same ideals, the same plan. But when I gave up the Death Note, something changed. Something big." I reached out and clasped his hands in mine. "I fell in love with you, L, and rejected Kira's way of thinking in favor of staying with you. I would have been happy… happy to stay by your side forever. But then Beyond got his hands on me, and forced my memories down my throat. When Kira was introduced once again he found that I had changed too much for him to fuse back with me and take control. So my consciousness split into two parts. Kira and Light are no longer one and the same. And worst of all, Kira wants control. I'm fighting him, fighting him with everything I have…but I don't think it's working. I was told that it was possible to fight against him with nothing more than my will, that it was possible for me to put an end to him that way…but the more I think about it, the more I try to fight him, the more I think it's not true. He's just too strong… unless I can find a way to end him permanently, he is going to win. And… I've found a permanent way, L. I've found a way that's inescapable for the both of us." I leaned slightly closer, resting my forehead against his. "Please… you have to kill me. Kill me before I can become Kira once again. Kill me before I'm forced to watch him kill you." I leaned away slowly. L… he wouldn't want to be so close to me anymore, not now that he knew I was a monster.

For a long, terrifying moment there was nothing but silence as L stared at me. His expression was completely blank, but I could hear his heart shattering. Any moment now that sorrow would turn to anger. It would only be a few moments before L pulled a gun on me and shot me in the head, or cuffed me and hauled me away to some dingy jail cell to wait for my execution. I would die, with L a witness to my humiliating end. "Beyond," he murmured. "He has done this unspeakable thing to you, has turned you back into a monster…and now I am offered a choice—sacrifice you to kill Kira, or allow you to live and a murderer to walk free within you." He leaned closer, and confusion darted through me. Why was he coming closer? He should be reaching for a weapon! "You're asking me to kill you?" he whispered. "You're asking me to choose between my duty as a detective and the affection I feel for you?"

I offered him a minute nod, praying that he would make the right decision.

"I'm sorry, Light," he breathed.

A wave of relief shot through me. This was it… he'd chosen to kill me.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "But you've overestimated my ability to remove myself from the situation." L slowly moved closer. I had only a moment to gasp before he was crushed against me in an embrace. "Light Yagami," he murmured into my shoulder. "I will not kill you."

No! It's just like Kira said! "You have to kill me!" I demanded desperately. "You have to! You can't just let a murderer walk free! It's only a matter of time before my will gives out, and when that happens, there's no telling what I'll do! What Kira will do!"

He curled himself around me. "I love you," he whispered. "And I'm not going to let a little thing like Kira take you away from me."

The surge of emotion I felt at hearing L speak those words vanished beneath a torrent of fear. "L, you don't understand! If my resolve slips even a fraction Kira could take control, and he could kill you! It's better for everyone if you just kill me now, before I have a chance to hurt anyone else!" One more slip, one more accident, and I could fall into the red sea. If that happens, it's all over. Why can't he see that?

"No."

I gawked at him. No? That was it?

L pressed his lips to mine, and this time it wasn't in the same chaste way it had been before. He forced his way into my mouth powerfully, dominating me completely, forcing a strangled gasp from my lips. He bit playfully at my bottom lip, careful not to draw blood as Beyond had.

"L—!" I gasped, attempting to push him away again.

"Don't you dare move, Yagami!" he snarled. "You want to be punished so badly? Then just lay there and take it!" His lips were back on mine before I had a chance to respond. His nimble fingers slipped the buttons loose from my shirt, pulling the cloth from my scarred body. I gasped as he accidentally put weight on my chest. He moved off of the sore area, but didn't pull back long enough to apologize.

"L, stop this!" I begged, turning my head away. "I don't deserve you! I'm just as bad as Beyond…"

He bit my neck harshly at that. "Don't you dare compare yourself to Beyond!" he spat, eyes gleaming. "You are nothing like him, and you don't deserve his so-called punishment! You deserve me, nothing more, nothing less." His fingers ran along the marks on my chest. "Beyond did this because he knew that we harbored strong feelings for each other. He knew that by working together we could take him down, and he knew he had to separate us. That is why he took you."

I shook my head. "No, L. He took me because I was Kira, and he wanted to weaken me enough so that I may become him again. He wanted to work with me to kill you—and if you let this continue, that may be exactly what ends up happening." I tried to push him back again, but he refused to move. "L, please, I—!" His fingers dipped beneath the hem of my boxers, and immediately panic shot through me. Before I knew what I was doing I had thrown him off and was suddenly off the bed, crouching in the corner as L righted himself. "Stop! Please, stop!" I was practically panting as images flashed through my mind. Images of Beyond holding a knife over my exposed body, forcing me to my knees, taking me time and time again…

"Light?" L asked nervously, all hints of lust gone from his eyes.

"Just stay away!" I ordered breathlessly. "Don't come any closer!" L began to take a step forward, then seemed to think better of it.

"I'm sorry," he murmured after a moment, kneeling down. "I didn't mean to do that, I just—"

He had been angry. He had lashed out in anger turned lust, furious with himself for being unable to remove himself from the situation emotionally and kill me. "I understand," I breathed. L…You have to kill me."

For a moment he just stared, the pain in his eyes raw and unchecked. But then he suddenly stood and turned away, striding over to his desk and rifling through the top drawer. He was holding the Death Note when he turned back. "Maybe not!" he said. "You can't kill if you don't have this, correct? Kira can't do anything!"

"…No," I said hesitantly. "He can't."

"Then you will give up possession of it, and I will hide it away where you can never find it! With your memories once again gone and the notebook hidden you will be safe!"

I'd predicted this reaction. "Kira is preventing me from giving it up," I said softly. "I've tried countless times since I've awoken, L. But Kira… he's already gained a portion of control, and he's using it to make sure I don't lose my memories."

L's expression fell. "Then I will hide it away so that he cannot get his hands on it, and you can continue investigating this case with me! We can do something to stop him, we can—"

"No. You can hide away the notebook, but Kira will still be fighting to gain control. I'm holding him off now, but I don't know how strong he will get, or how long I can fight him before he breaks my mind permanently. As I said, I was told that it was possible to win against him using my own will as a weapon… but the longer Kira remains in my mind, the less likely that seems. I don't know if I'll be able to best him. He certainly doesn't think I'll be able to win."

The detective ran a hand through his hair, stress evident in the way he held himself. "Then I will make sure I am watching you at all times. That way if he gains control I can restrain you."

He wasn't going to budge. No matter what I said, he was going to come up with some way around having to kill me. "You can't watch me forever. What happens when you need to sleep?"

"I'll have one of my successors watch over us."

"You can't keep that up forever," I repeated. "At some point you're going to make a mistake, or get too comfortable, and Kira will kill you and everyone else on the task force. That includes your successors, you know! Do you want your selfish actions to result in their deaths?"

"No. If I kill anyone, it will be Beyond. I have one of the notebooks, and I'm not afraid to use it if that's what I need to do."

Immediately I reached out, sealing a hand around my lover's wrist. "L." I felt my eyes blaze with heat, felt the intensity radiating from my stare. "Promise me. Promise me, L, that you won't use that notebook under any circumstances."

L blinked, surprised. "What?"

"Listen to me," I ground out. "You cannot use that notebook, no matter what. Promise me, L."

"Do I get an explanation?"

I looked away, thinking of one of the rules of the note—that whoever used it would have no afterlife. I didn't want that for L. "No. Not now. I just want you to kill me and be done with it."

I will not kill you. It is pointless to argue the matter." He picked up a pair of handcuffs from the table. "And I cannot promise you that I will never use the notebook. But I will promise you that I will only use it as a last resort." He approached, me, and I made a point to make my eyes as large and pleading as possible. It didn't work. "Lay back down. I'm going to restrain you now."

It was better than nothing. I did as he asked, and didn't protest when I felt the cuffs click over both wrists, the abnormally long chain wound around a beam in the headboard. I tugged experimentally, pleased when it didn't budge.

"I need to go speak with my successors about your awakening. You will remain here until I return."

"Okay." I spoke the word softly, trying to convey every swirling emotion I felt in those two syllables.

Judging by the agonized look L threw me, it worked. As he walked out of the room I felt a sudden jolt of pain in the back of my mind. Kira…he was scratching at the walls, and deep within the recesses of my mind, I felt that sea of red expanding. His will raged against mine powerfully, and as I felt that pain begin to increase. I could only hope that L came to his senses and killed me before it was too late. For without the release of death, I knew not how long I could continue to hold Kira back.

†††

L slipped into Mello's room to find all three successors sitting in various places, grim looks on their faces. They had clearly been discussing Beyond and the Kira case.

"Light is awake," L said dully.

"And how is he?" Near prompted. "Is he stable mentally? Does he remember who you are?"

"He is not stable," L responded. "Far from it. As for his memory… I fear that he remembers too much."

Mello frowned, kicking his feet up on the coffee table beside his bed and leaning his back heavily against the wall. "What do you mean by that?"

"I've told you before that I believed Light was being controlled by Kira before he suddenly lost his power and memories. I've always been watching for when those memories would begin to return. I thought that there was no way he could possibly just forget being Kira permanently. I thought that once his memories began to return we would have an easy time of catching Kira, and I could convict Light and be done with it."

"But then you fell in love with him," Matt said, a small smile on his face. "I can't see you turning him in now, even if his memories returned."

L ignored him, turning away the jolt of pain that those words brought. "I have learned many from the Death Note we acquired, and many things from Light himself. One of those things involves the technicalities of memory loss."

"You think the notebook is real, then?" Mello asked.

"I know it is real, and I'm getting to that. But please, listen. I learned that as long as you possess a Death Note you retain all memories of what you do while using it. But the instant you relinquish possession, your memories are erased. To regain them you must regain possession of a Death Note, though I don't believe it has to be the one that you originally used. Your memories will then be fully restored, and you can pick up where you left off using the note. Based off of this, I can say that Beyond killed Higuchi and claimed ownership of his Death Note. When he had Light in his possession, he returned that Death Note's possession to Light, restoring his memories completely."

All three successors shared stunned looks. "You mean… he remembers everything?" Matt demanded.

"Yes. Light Yagami is Kira once again. But it's not that simple this time around."

"Kira has separated from him mentally," Near realized, eyes wide. "Hasn't he?"

"You are correct."

Mello sat up. "Let me guess; Light's memories returning created a war between personas in his mind. One half of him loved you, and the other wanted nothing more than to kill you."

"This resulted in the two halves of himself fraying and coming apart," Near continued. "Meaning that he is essentially two people, and only one can be in control at any given time."

Matt caught on. "But if that's true, then it means that you've been left with an impossible decision—killing Kira, or letting Light live."

L gritted his teeth, saying, "You are all right."

"If you kill Kira, then Light dies in the crossfire," Near continued. "But…"

"…But if you let Light live, then Kira walks free, and could regain control at any moment." Mello finished.

"It's a real predicament," L agreed softly. "Light begged me to kill him before Kira had the chance to take over." He looked up at the successors. "I have already vowed to find a way to end Kira without killing him, but I must know…" He gazed down at his successors, locking eyes with each of them in turn. "Did I do the right thing? Or should I have done as he asked?"

Mello responded hesitantly, "It does seem that all of this leads to his death. The most logical thing to do would be to execute him. After all, he's Kira." Near and Matt nodded their agreement, though they looked less than pleased.

L felt like his world had closed in around him. They thought he should kill Light? Was everyone against him? "That's it, then," he said, voice shaking. "Will I be forced to kill him?" He wouldn't do it. He would rather die himself.

"No," Mello said quickly. "I didn't say that. I said that the most logical thing would be to kill him. But we've never been the type to back down from the impossible."

"Yeah," Matt agreed, lowering his goggles. "If you want to keep your boyfriend alive, then we're with you all the way."

"We'll get through this." Near made his way over to L and clasped a hand to his shoulder comfortingly. "Light's mind is severely damaged; we're not going to deny that. But there must be a way to help him."

Relief surged through the detective. They were going to help him! They were going to protect Light! "We'll have to start making plans," he said determinedly, hands clasped together in thought. "I have him restrained at the moment, but we can't keep him like that. We'll have to keep a close watch over him—with the state of mind he's in now, I wouldn't be surprised if he turns suicidal."

"Agreed," Near said. "We can act as his guards and stop him from doing anything rash. In addition, we must make sure that not a word of this is breathed to his father or any other member of the task force."

"That won't be easy," Matt pointed out. "If he thinks the task force will order his execution if he tells them he's Kira, then he'll tell them with no questions asked. It won't be easy to stop him from saying anything."

"What can we do to stop him?" Mello questioned thoughtfully. "Do we leave him locked up here?"

"We could tell the task force that he's traumatized from what was done to him, and has to be confined until he recovers," L suggested.

"But then his father and family might want to see him!" Matt protested.

"We'll gag him before they visit. We can say that he wouldn't stop screaming, and that his throat and lungs are too damaged for us to allow it to continue." L allowed a small smile. "We can also sedate him if necessary. That way we can keep him safe and still keep the task force satisfied."

"Well," Mello said, glancing around for confirmation from the other two successors. "It sounds like a good idea. But I don't think Light will take too kindly to it."

"He doesn't have to like it as long as it works," L said. "We will have to stay with him in shifts so he doesn't hurt himself."

"Sounds good." Mello got to his feet. "Should we start now?"

"Yes, it must begin now," L said. "Near, I want you to go down to the task force and tell them that Light is awake and still breathing. While you do that, Mello will take the first watch with me. In three hours, Matt will replace him, and in another three hours, Near will do the same."

Near nodded his consent, throwing in, "Throughout the night one of us must always be in the room and awake just in case Kira takes the opportunity to take control. And if Kira takes hold of him once again, he should be moved immediately from the task force headquarters and restrained somewhere remote. We can't risk him getting loose and hurting anyone."

"We should also consider the possibility if Kira gains control, Light may never be able to get it back," Mello said darkly. "I don't want to sound morbid, but should that happen, Light may rather be dead than controlled by Kira for the rest of his life."

L's eyes flickered shut. "I understand. And should it appear that Light will never take back control, I know that it would be cruel to keep him alive and trapped within his own mind. I… I swear to you that I will end his pain should it come to that."

The mood in the room dropped suddenly.

"I am going to take Light to our room," L said at last. "He is still in the infirmary, and I'm sure that he would prefer to be somewhere familiar. Near, please go to the task force now. Mello, I want you to be waiting for me in my room when I return with Light. You're taking the first watch, remember."

Near nodded and left the room without a sound. A moment later, Mello did the same, followed by Matt.

L steeled himself and headed up towards the infirmary.

†††

Your resistance is pointless, Kira whispered, his voice echoing in my skull. I was still awake, but my double's voice had a way to find me even here. The sea is expanding… it won't be long before I crack your mind open.

"You won't win!" I hissed aloud. "No matter what, I'm going to stop you!"

I was right about L. He refused to kill you. He still loves you, even though he knows that you murdered all those people. What do you think will happen to him when I take over and kill him? Will he blame you? Or will he decide that you couldn't control your own actions? Will he die knowing that he couldn't save you? It would break him, you know…

"Be quiet," I ordered furiously. "I'm not going to listen to you!"

Shame, he muttered. You could save me a whole lot of trouble if you'd just give in. It would be perfect, you know… I would gain control, find Beyond, and we would rule this world together.

I started at the mention of my captor. "Don't you dare give him our body again!" I snapped. "You should kill him!"

If you want him dead so badly, all you'd have to do is use the Death Note. All it would take is a few strokes of a pen, and you could take revenge. You could throw your humanity out the window and embrace what you really are—an enforcer of justice.

"I refuse to use the Death Note. I'd be just as bad as you if I did."

What if I said I'd do it for you? If you let me take control for a moment I could find the Death Note and kill him.

"You're lying," I spat. "If I give you control, you'll never give it back. And besides, you don't want to kill Beyond, you want to work with him. I promise you, Kira, I will never give you control."

You don't have a choice. As if to emphasize his point I suddenly felt a harsh jab against the back of my mind, folding my body in half. I gasped painfully as he pushed at my skull, not wanting to think about how much of my mind had just been bathed in red. Such a fragile creature… he whispered. Pressure was building at an alarming rate in the back of my head. You should be thankful, my Light… thankful that for as long as your consciousness resides in the waking world, I cannot bathe you in red. But the instant you slip away, the instant you return to your silver body in that silver world… I will come after you with everything I have, I assure you. You will not last long against me. I will wrest control. And then I will give you back to Beyond so that you might learn your place.

"You can't!" I couldn't go back to that metal table, I couldn't!

A low snarl resonated from the darkest recesses of my mind. He enjoyed playing with you so much before, and he did such a good job of breaking you down! I'm sure he could repeat the process again when given my permission to be as brutal as possible with you.

I didn't have a response for those terrifying words. A small part of me, the part conditioned by Beyond, wanted to beg for mercy.

I can read your thoughts, you know. Begging may work on Beyond, but I am a different story. Beg all you want—I will do nothing to ease your pain until you give in to me and fade into nonexistence.

I opened my mouth, a response on the tip of my tongue, when the door suddenly opened. I looked up to see L and Mello standing in the doorway.

"Light?" L asked hesitantly, entering the room. "Are you still… you?"

"It hurts…" I choked out, pulling against the chain. "He's fighting me, L." I brought my knees up to my chest, longing to make the pain go away. My head was beginning to ache horribly, and the thought of it getting worse and worse as Kira consumed more and more of my mind made me wince. How strong would the pain get? Could I handle it? I felt so afraid…I didn't realize how heavily I was breathing until L was resting a hand on my chest with an expression of concern.

"Do you want something to ease the pain?" he asked. "Medicine?"

I nodded desperately, praying that it would at least lift some of the pressure. The painkillers were slipped into my hand along with a glass of water. I wasted no time in swallowing the tiny capsules. I barely noticed the concerned look the two detectives were shooting my way. "Thanks," I managed.

"Light, we've come up with a plan for keeping you safely confined while we deal with Kira."

Ridiculous. What did he expect he could do to get rid of Kira? I had only three options—relinquishing possession of the notebook, fighting Kira with my own will, or dying—and of those, two were impossible, and L had turned down the third. There was nothing he could do, and I knew it. I ground out, "So the successors know? And they're not going to kill me as I requested?"

"Nah," Mello said. "We don't exactly like the fact that L loves the guy possessed by Kira, but we're more than willing to protect you if that's what L wants." He was feigning carelessness, but I could see the carefully concealed anger in his eyes. Was he mad at me?

I lowered my head. "You shouldn't protect me. I deserve to die."

L opened his mouth to protest, but Mello beat him to it.

The second ranked successor was across the room in seconds, face twisted in a snarl, and he was suddenly gripping my shoulders. He knelt, glaring at me. We were on the same level now, and seeing someone so close to me was once again sparking up fear in my chest. I choked down the overwhelming panic beginning to spread throughout my body.

"You're an idiot," Mello snarled. "Your mind is in shambles, your body is wrecked, and you're possessed. And worst of all, you've killed hundreds of people. But impossibly, L loves you despite it all, you got that? So stop throwing a temper tantrum, screw your head on straight, and get back acting rationally!"

I felt like I was suffocating. I longed to push Mello away and tell him again just why I had to die—but for some reason my lungs refused to supply my body with oxygen, my lips wouldn't form words.

L seemed to realize how badly I was panicking. "Mello!" he snapped, darting forward and throwing him away from me. "Get away from him!" Immediately the terror receded like a wave, freeing my aching lungs to once again draw breath in deep, rattling pulls.

Mello staggered, regaining his footing. "What the hell?"

"Couldn't you see what you were doing? He was on the verge of a panic attack!"

The blonde's eyes widened as they darted from me to L, his expression transitioning from anger to horror in a heartbeat. "I… I'm sorry, I didn't realize—!"

"It's okay," I murmured, still subconsciously tugging at the chain binding me to the headboard. "Let's just go to the room."

L unlocked the cuffs and helped me to my feet. His touch sent unpleasant shivers down my spine. What's wrong with me? I asked silently. Why am I so afraid? L seemed to notice my unease, and took care to make as little contact as possible. I was sure he assumed that this was a product of being tortured for so many days. I began to walk, struggling to ignore the pressure in the back of my mind. Kira was a constant presence, pressing against my mental walls.

I lost myself in fighting that presence in hope that I would get even a moment of peace. I only snapped back to reality when I realized that we were already back in our room, and L was waiting expectantly for me to get in bed. I obeyed, watching as Mello sat in the desk chair and locked his eyes on me. It was unnerving, having those chocolate brown eyes watching so closely. L slipped into the bed beside me, rolling on his side to face me. A heartbeat later the lights clicked off, casting the entire room in darkness. L watched me intently. I couldn't figure out why he was staring until he said,

"Aren't you going to roll over?"

Of course… I'd forgotten how we usually slept, my back to his chest. "O-of course," I stuttered. "I forgot." I felt Mello's eyes boring into me as I rolled over, tensing slightly as L's arm curled over my waist, pressing himself as close to me as possible. Something felt wrong about lying with L when Mello was in the room.

"You're worried about Mello," L murmured in a voice so low that I knew the blonde wouldn't hear. "You don't want him watching us."

I forced myself to smile, even though I knew he couldn't see it from where he lay. "It'll be kind of hard to have any alone time when your successors are watching us constantly."

"If you want to have sex, all you have to do is ask and I'll tell him to leave," he whispered. "But I doubt that you want it right now, after your reaction to my advances back in the infirmary."

I shuddered. "You just scared me," I explained softly. "You look so much like him, and when you kissed me—"

His arm tightened around my waist. I felt his chin rest lightly against the top of my head. "I know. Don't worry; you'll be able to pull through it eventually. It'll just take time."

I nodded without really believing, feeling detached. I wanted to rest, but the pounding in my head was making it difficult, and I knew that the instant I dropped off, I would be back in that silvery forest, running from that sea of red. The instant I slipped into that world, I would be in danger of being consumed by Kira.

I sensed L drop off long before I could get any rest. He must have been exhausted from staying up so much in the past few days. I, on the other hand, was awake so long that I heard Mello and Near switch place, three hours later. Near pulled his seat up beside me and crouched in a way almost like L. He watched me closely, making me try all the harder to appear asleep. I think he knew that I was only pretending. But he didn't say anything, and it was in this way that I finally found myself drifting into a restless doze.

Kira was waiting for me in my dreams.

Just to be clear, I'm well aware that in the DN universe, all humans go to Mu. But in this story, Light hasn't figured that out quite yet. Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, because it's one of my favorites! Getting to write for Kira is seriously fun, especially when I get to torture poor Light at the same time :)

Leave a review if you enjoyed, and I'll be back on Saturday with another chapter!