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"Create with the heart; build with the mind."- Criss Jami

Elizabeth shrugged her cloak off as she hastily shovelled her belongings into her bottomless bag. It had been a long three days. A mixture of exhaustion from tirelessly inventing spells and charms, confusion, loss, grief, and the unknown. Her heart felt heavy as she shrunk down her bag and placed it in her pocket.

As Elizabeth began to make her way out of the Department of Mysteries, she was stopped by a wizened voice. She turned, surprise visible on her features.

"Mr Croaker." She flashed him a polite smile and slowed her pace, not wanting to seem rude. It wasn't like she had to rush anyway, there was no one for her to go home for anyway; It had been three days since she'd heard anything from Sirius, and she didn't expect she would anytime soon, with the way he'd reacted.

"Elizabeth, yes, I was wondering when I'd be able to catch up with you." She nodded in response, wondering what on earth he wanted to talk to her about, she hadn't done anything out of the ordinary.

"You can approach me anytime Mr Croaker, It's no bother to me."

The man gave her a shaky smile and waved her down, "You are too nice young one." Her smile widened at the endearment, " Do you have time to sit down for a few minutes?" He nodded towards the direction of his office. Elizabeth froze for a moment before nodding hastily following behind him. He walked extremely fast for someone so old.

"Yeah of course." She nodded and followed two steps behind him, until they reached his office. She placed her self on his plush chair and faced him, wholly uncertain about why she was called in.

"Sir, I don't mean to sound rude or ignorant, but why did you call me in here?"

He let out a deep chuckle, leaning back in his chair, "Oh no!" he laughed shaking his head, "You haven't done anything wrong, quite the contrary actually!"

Her mouth opened in an 'o' shape,

"I was going to applaud you for your recent efforts with the protective charms, they seem to be coming along nicely."

She nodded appreciatively, "They are." She replied with a nod of her head, "I hypothesise that the charms will come along nicely, but I do not believe they will have the capability to be used by wizards and witches who aren't as powerful, which wasn't my intention."

"Explain it to me."

"I've been studying it and theorising, and after several attempts, I've found the spell doesn't shield against a 'stupefy' or an 'expelliarmus' what so ever, but it will flicker at a stronger level spell."

"Whats the incantation."

She bit her lip, "There is none, I've been trying and trying, It never works with a wand and I don't understand it. It almost feels like extremely ancient rediscovered magic."

He furrowed his brow, and rubbed his chin where there was some salt and pepper stubble.

"That sounds like a puzzle."

"Another hypothesis was that I've somehow found an ancient sacrificial form of magic, but have no understanding of how to use it."

She bit her lip as she anxiously awaited his reply, he nodded and bit his lip in thought. "I think I will have to look into it."

She flashed him a grateful smile, "Thank you!"

He nodded and took a sip of water from his cup, "Now, I did not call you in just to compliment your efforts." She felt anxiety well within the pit of her stomach, "I'm concerned about your behaviour over the last few days. You've been withdrawn and quiet."

She felt unwanted tears well up in her eyes, she nodded gratefully looking down at her lap as she fumbled with her fingers.

"In the time I've known you I've found that that is out of character." he looked at her kindly, his eyes tinged with sympathy. "I wanted to tell you that if you ever needed somebody to speak to, I am always here."

She looked up sharply, feeling emotional over the mans unwarranted kindness."Thank you." She whispered,

"Anytime young one, anytime."

Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed playing with her fingers as she rested them on her lap, anxiously awaiting the results that could quite possibly change her life forever. This wasn't the way she wanted things to turn out, she never wanted to be sitting on her bed, hating the fact she was waiting to see if she was pregnant, she never wanted to feel dread at the thought of a positive pregnancy test.

She couldn't help but feel as though this was all a sick joke. For so long she dreamt of having a child with Sirius, and now that she might, she wanted nothing more than for it not to happen. She could not decided whether or not she would prefer to have a child, or spend her life with Sirius. Afterall, a child was forever, but who said that their love would be?

But in a cruel twist of fate, she was sitting there, possibly pregnant and indefinitely alone, despite her acceptance of spending the rest of her life with the man she loved, however childless.

She felt a tear roll down her face and her hands move towards her stomach. Ever since they had gotten together she had imagined a little boy that was a mirror image of Sirius, signature grey eyes and curls, and a little girl with her blue orbs but Sirius's curls. But now that that fantasy could be reality, she felt sick to her stomach. Not only because she suspected she would be a single mother, but because they were in wartimes, she worked in one of the most dangerous departments in the ministry and was apart of a covert group. It wasn't a life she wanted to raise a child in.

In the next two minutes, she would breakdown, she knew that no matter what the result, she was going to cry. If it was positive, because she would lose the mans he loved, If negative, it would be tears of relief mingled with tears of sadness, relief that she was not pregnant, and sadness that she wasn't, and that this could've been her only chance.

It was unfair.

It was unfair that she was put in the position to choose. It was unfair that despite the fact it took two of them, it would only be her that lived with the consequences.

She shook her head and ran a hand over her face, wanting to rip her hair out. Her blue orbs fixated on the bag in the corner, clothing scattered around it. Originally she had begun to pack so she could move out, it was originally Sirius's flat. However, she had decided that if the test was positive she would flee, she would leave it all despite the love she had for Sirius, the love she had for her job and friends, her commitment to the order and her success's in her job; she knew that in the end none of it would compare to the love she would have for her child.

None of the above was eternal, but a child, a being that was half of her, would be eternal.

It was the longest three minutes of her life, which was saying a lot since she had been in many situations that had felt like they would never end. Two lines would determine the rest of her life, it was ridiculous, how much emotions the thought of two lines on a stick made you feel. She refused to take the magic test. She was born muggle, her mother had found out about her the muggle way, she would too follow in her steps. Absentmindedly she couldn't help but wonder what was going through her mothers head as she looked down upon her. Was she ashamed of her? Was she shaking her head in disappointment at the predicament she was in? Or was she beaming with joy and pride, hoping for those two pink lines…

Her eyes flickered upto the clock ontop of the door and she took a deep breath, swallowed her pride and began the long journey to the bathroom sink. The doubts she had dug down as deep as she could suddenly came back in full force. This was it, this was the moment she would find out the results. She lent over the sink and stared at the upside down test, calming her breathing as she prepared herself to look at the result. She was too young, too inexperienced, she didn't even know how to hold a baby properly! What if it accidentally suffocated? She was too work orienteered, too ambitious, she was a target in the war…

Elizabeth took a deep breath and prayed, merlin… she didn't even know what she wanted anymore, did she want this child or not. She licked her lips and shut her eyes as she turned the test in her hands. Taking an anxious breath, the brunette slowly opened her eyes . Only for her heart to drop and her hands to tremble so strongly she dropped the test. Her knees buckled and she collapsed on the floor in a heap, tears leaking out of her eyes.

Negative…

But why was she so devastated? She asked herself. She did not want a child, she did not believe she was ready to have a child, and if she did have it, the man she loved would not be beside her. Yet despite the result she wanted, her heart broke, and with it all her hopes. She was just late, and when she would get her period all she would think about would be the child that could've been. A sob escaped her. This was it. This was her one chance, and she didn't have it.

Despite all she would've lost, despite all the sacrifices and pain… She was sitting their sobbing. Her hand trailed down to her stomach that would never be swollen with a child and she let out a cry. It hurt her, that despite the compromise she had made, her love for Sirius, whilst deep and everlasting, was not enough for her to sate her maternal urges. She did not believe that women had to have children, but she had felt a calling, and she still did. Her body wanted it and she hated to admit it, but she wanted it all.

It seemed that only once she had lost the chance, she had realised how much she truly wanted it.

Sirius ran a hand over his tired face as he looked down at the box that was below his cubicle, which was filled with blankets, spare clothes and a pillow. For the past three days he had been secretly sleeping on the floor of his cubicle, by taking on extra shifts at closing time, and taking the early hour. He let out a groan as he massaged out the knot in his neck, and hated himself for managing to get himself into this situation.

He didn't dare ask James and Lily if he could crash at their place. He would spend days on end receiving dirty looks from lily and causing arguments between his loved up best friends. From the looks James had been throwing behind his back when he thought he wasn't noticing, Lily had probably told him the general gist of things.

He felt deep regret in the pit of his stomach at the way he'd acted. Infact, Sirius couldn't help but compare his behaviour to that of a married pureblood man who had gotten his muggleborn mistress pregnant. He was a coward, He was a bloody stinking coward. He left the woman he cared about and loved more than life itself, alone to deal with the consequences of their actions. He couldn't even recall the day they'd gotten themselves into this mess. It was on a hospital bed, a while after she'd woken up, after the mission to the shed. He couldn't believe that he had thought it was alright to have left her like that. Who knew what was going on threw her mind.

He read over the report infront of him, but didn't absorb any of it. All he could think about was his colossal fuck up. He had failed her, and most of all, he had failed their hypothetical child. What if she was pregnant? Would he go to order meetings and ignore her despite the obvious signs of her being pregnant. Could he watch her body develop and raise a child whilst he watched on from the sidelines? Would he sit by and miss out on all those momentous occasions? Could he watch his child grow uo from faraway? Could he stand the thought of being a father that was hated by their child?

Afterall, wasn't that the reason he didn't want children in the first place? He didn't want to fail, and he couldn't fail if he didn't commit?

He felt guilt gnaw at his insides, he left her because of his fears and insecurities. But how must she feel? Even worst was that he didn't even know if she was pregnant, it was just speculation, and he left already. She was probably frightened beyond words, with the insecurity of their lives. He wouldn't be surprised if she left him, just for that. It probably said a lot about his character. And he knew her, if she was pregnant and he didn't want it, she would leave him and have the baby. He wouldn't be surprised if she flaunted that child around him and made sure to remind him as often as possible that he left his child; or she followed the less desirable option, she left. She would not stay behind and have a baby in the climate they were living in.

Merlin, he just wanted a drink, he would probably open the firewhiskey stashed in the bottom of the box below his cubicle.

He looked up from his paperwork when there was a rustling movement next to him, he grabbed his wand and spun around, only to be sticking his wand in-between James's eyes.

"Merlin its just me!"

Sirius sighed in relief, placing his wand down on his desk. "Could've given a guy some warning."

James let out a huff of laughter, "Yeah sorry about that."

Sirius rolled his eyes and leant back into his chair, wondering what the hell his best mate was doing, half an hour after his shift when he could be at home with his hot fiancée doing things that got him into this colossal mess, or just hanging out.

"Man I wish for nothing more than to be at home with Lils right now." Sirius raised an eyebrow at his best friend who seemed to have read his mind. "But you're having a relationship crisis so I'm sacrificing my alone time with Lils."

"I'm sorry to be such a burden."

James let out a snort, "You're abit late, you should've apologised seven years ago." Sirius let out a bark of laughter and spun in his chair, "So spill!" James leant forward, Sirius sighed in response, feeling shame burn his insides.

"You probably know everything already, Lily cant keep her mouth shut."

"She actually can." James nodded in confirmation, "I've been badgering her for the past three days and nothing!"

Sirius sighed and felt his cheeks heat up, James would punch him, he would actually punch him for what he'd done.

"She might be pregnant."

James raised his eyebrows, he hoped he heard wrong because if he didn't he was honestly going to sock his best friend.

"Do you want to repeat that?" James voice slipped dangerously slow, and Sirius felt shame spread through his veins.

"She might be pregnant." Sirius buried his head in his hands, he couldn't ever recall feeling his guilty in his entire life, he couldn't imagine having to live with this ache for the rest of his days.

James clenched his jaw in disbelief, he knew his best friend was an idiot and made stupid decisions, but this topped it, he couldn't never imagine Sirius to stoop so low.

"Padfoot." He said, feeling unspeakable anger within, his brow furrowed in frustration. "Look up for a second."

The moment Sirius looked up he was pushed back as a fist impacted his face. He let out a groan of pain as his hand automatically flew to his jaw.

"Merlin James!"

"Don't even start Padfoot!" James yelled, "You… you left her knowing she is pregnant?"

"She doesn't know for sure." He muttered under his breath, but James heard as a result of his enhanced hearing,

"That's even worse Sirius!" He stood up and ran a hand through his hair and pacing in a circle.

"James, Youre acting as if I don't know how badly I fucked up!" he groaned as he leant back in his chair, "I know, trust me, I know,"

James clenched his jaw and nodded before slumping back down into his seat, "Well what are you going to do?"

Sirius shrugged his broad shoulders, "I have no clue Prongs, I have no idea." He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Even if she isnt, I left her, I left her…I mean, what does that say about me?" He threw his hands up in the air.

"Do you really want to know?" James asked him, Sirius scowled at his best friend and gave him a knowing look.

"I'm sure Lizzie will let me know eventually."

James furrowed his brow, "What if she is, what then?" Sirius shrugged once more, James rolled his eyes, "Because I can tell you exactly what she thinks will happen If she is."

"Whats that?" Sirius asked, James cleared his throat.

"She thinks she's going to be a single mother in wartime, I wouldn't be surprised if she left the country."

Sirius's head snapped up, and he could feel his heart thudding deep in the recesses of his chest, he could hear his blood pounding in his ears. Of course he knew her leaving was a possibility, but hearing it outloud, from somebody elses point of view, made it all seem real. He shook his head in denial and opened his mouth to speak.

"I- wouldn't!"

James interrupted him, "Are you sure about that?"

Sirius went to reply when a paper aeroplane soared into the room and landed infront of Sirius. James looked at it pointedly, raising his brow. The dark haired boy went and picked it up, his hands trembling when he saw familiar handwriting.

Please come home, we need to talk xx

So he went home.

Her eyes filled with tears as she watched him sit himself down next to herself on that blasted orange couch. He was home. He was sitting down next to her and after three days of separation all she wanted to do was wrap herself in his arms and lay there for hours, inhaling his scent and being protected by him. They sat there for five minutes in silence before Sirius broke it.

"I'm sorry."

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak only for Sirius to put his hand up, "Let me finish." He whispered, and ran a hand down her unblemished cheek.

"I am disgusted with how I acted the other night, it was…" he shook his head and grimaced, " I cant believe that I treated you that way and I left you when you needed me the most! I feel disgusted by how cowardly I acted and if you were to leave me…" he took a deep breath, and she felt her heart inflate, "I would understand why."

She felt tears well up in her eyes at his words, and she could feel the undeniable love in his voice.

"And I only hope you know that I would never leave you by yourself with my child, our child… Because you wouldn't be the only one afraid, and it would be selfish and cowardly, and if I love you more than life itself, I cant imagine how much I'd love a child that was half me and half you. I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I left you both because I was afraid, I don't know if I could live my life without you in it- I'd sooner take a life sentence in Azkaban than live without you."

She let out a choked up laugh,

"As long as I'm around you wont be spending a day in Azkaban let alone a life sentence!" She quipped through her tears.

He clasped his hand in hers, and gazed into her beautiful eyes, having missed her piercing blue orbs, "I will spend every day of my life showing you both how much I love you and how much you both mean to me."

Elizabeth felt her heart shatter into pieces as she watched him put his hand on her stomach and gaze at it with love. Deep down she had wanted that test to be positive, she had wanted that child, she had wanted a miracle that was comprised of half of him and half of her.

"Sirius." She whispered and pressed a chaste kiss on his full lips, feeling as though her entire being wanted to collapse into a heap, "I'm not pregnant." A tear rolled down her face and she felt her heart drop when she saw a mixture of devastation and relief present on his features. "I am upset with you for what you did, beyond angry." She shook her head, "But I know you, and I know you were afraid."

Elizabeth hoped she wasn't misplaced in putting her faith in him.

He looked up at her and he wasn't sure if he was happy or sad; if he felt relief or discouraged. He nodded and pressed a kiss on her forehead, unsure of what to feel.

"Its okay." He whispered, running his hands through her dark hair, "I think we both have things we need to work through, individually and together, you have your issues, and I have mine; and that will make us both stronger and a better couple." She nodded and buried her head in his chest, feeling more at home then she had in a while.

"I think we need to get some ice on that bruise." She whispered and touched his face lovingly, causing him to let out a bark of laughter.

As my mum would say, things have to get worse before they can get better! Down below is an exciting sneak peek of the upcoming chapter!

I request that we meet in the Hogshead, in Hogsmeade today at 2:00pm

Hmmmm, who is it? What do they want? I cant wait for you guys to find out!

Anyhow, I really enjoyed reading your responses to the question I asked last chapter, I felt more connected to you guys and it was so enjoyable to read through them, and I want to make this a thing baha!

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and please don't forget to leave a review and in it (or PM me) answer the following question, Which character do you want to see more of/develop more? I'd really love to know and your opinion is like gold to goblins!

Goodnight my sweets, and I hope you're all having a wonderful week!

Ruby xx