Welcome to chapter eighteen. I know that right now the story is a whole lot of talking and a lot less action, but it's necessary for the plot. I've made sure countless times that every conversation the characters have is relevant and important to the advancement of the plot—if that bores you, I'm sorry, but that's just how it has to be. Now, I didn't lie last time—from this point on, there will be no more sitting around and moping. However, until chapter twenty-one, most of the story is dialogue. Relevant dialogue, but dialogue just the same. Look at it this way—you just have to wait three updates until you get to the good stuff, and after that it's all rising action. Until then, I hope you can put up with my slow-moving conversations.

…On a happier note, thanks if you reviewed! You made my day!

Chapter 18: After the Flood

Where I was, it was dark.

It was dark, yes, but it was also deceptively warm and comforting, as if I were engulfed in a soft, fluffy bed, being held in the state between sleep and awareness. I wasn't quite sure how many days I'd been in this state, but I knew it couldn't have been for long. I remembered small flashes—Kira pushing me off the cliff, the red water filling my lungs, the darkness completely washing over me. And after that I remembered a few images, a series of sounds—and those were the worst of all. I remembered being forced to watch as Kira awoke, twisting my face into a harsh smile that didn't suit me at all. And what was worse was that L didn't even realize that it wasn't me. Kira had even messed up—he'd called L Ryuzaki, of all things, but the detective still hadn't noticed. Even when Kira had pinned him against a wall in the bathroom and done those unspeakable things to him, L hadn't realized that the person he was dealing with wasn't me. After that, the next thing I remembered was Aizawa—and the instant Kira pulled the trigger, I threw everything I had at him in an attempt to overthrow him—which wasn't much, seeing as I couldn't move a muscle. But the instant Kira felt me kicking, he'd done something to me. I wasn't sure what it was, seeing as I couldn't see him, but I could certainly feel him—and I felt it all too clearly when he curled a hand around my throat and stole the rest of my strength, reducing me to a limp, shaking mess. I hadn't been able to move since.

After that, my memories blacked out for a while; I'd fallen asleep as a result of Kira's actions. The next thing I remembered was that very first night with Beyond—and I wanted more than anything to wash away those memories with a nice gallon of bleach poured straight into my skull. The only thing I had to be thankful for was the fact that Kira had not turned me over to Beyond as a chew toy as he'd threatened. After that night, I could remember nothing. In fact, I wasn't even sure how long I'd been sleeping now. Perhaps it had been a day, perhaps a week. All I knew was that I was completely unaware as to what was happening outside my own little portion of my mind. But…was it really my mind anymore? I knew that if I were able to open my eyes, I would see that all the silver in my mind was gone. There was only red. I wasn't even sure how I was managing to maintain consciousness—and perhaps my increasing amount of time spent asleep meant that I was steadily losing the ability to maintain consciousness. The thought terrified me.

"Light."

That voice again. It had been calling me on and off for a while now, always just out of reach. But today—tonight?—it seemed different. Louder. Closer.

"Light."

Leave me alone, I thought, and that voice chuckled, but didn't say another word. Instead, I felt someone grab me. I had lost perception of where my body was and what I was feeling, but someone had grabbed me—that I knew for certain. There was a small, cool hand clutching at the back of my neck like a fishing hook, and that hand was tugging me upwards. My body moved with the hand as if I was floating along through space—or more likely, drifting through water. Red water.

The red sea.

"Light," that voice chuckled. "It's time to wake up now, Light. You've been sleeping for long enough, and we need to have a little chat."

I knew that voice, I thought, but I was too disorientated to place a name or a face to the sound. Instead, I tried to shake my head—and succeeded in moving just a fraction of an inch. I twisted my face into a frown, and found suddenly that I was the most alert I'd been in…days? Weeks? Months? I didn't know.

"Come on, you're almost there…"

I tried to suck in a breath, but my lungs wouldn't function. I wasn't breathing, I realized with a start. I wasn't breathing, hadn't been for who knew how long, and yet I remained alive. I felt my body moving upwards, floating up through what I presumed to be water, though it didn't feel wet against my flesh. That hand was tightening its grip on the back of my neck as my body seemed to increase in weight, dragging me back down into the endless waves. But that hand, that insistent, stubborn hand, kept pulling me upwards with all its might, and I realized dimly that it was overcoming the water's pull. The closer I got to what I presumed to be the surface, the more I could hear, the more I could remember. My mind became the clearest it had been in forever, and I found myself straining to reach the surface, relieved when my sluggish limbs began to come to life. The water was rushing around me now, filling my ears, pressing down on my eyelids. I could feel the current washing over my entire body, and the hand wrenched my body upwards even harder.

And then, mercifully, finally, I breached the water's surface.

That hand was still pulling at me, and a heartbeat later I felt solid land beneath my unnaturally heavy body. I was being dragged up a gentle slope, the sound of the lapping waves fading slightly. And then that hand released me, leaving me to lie upon the ground, motionless. I still wasn't breathing, and though I could move a few centimeters if I tried, it was utterly exhausting.

"Your lungs will start working again in a few moments," that voice assured me gently.

And then, as if those words were the key, they did. I felt the sudden, horrible desire to breathe—and the instant I tried to draw breath I realized that water was clogging up my lungs, and I began coughing and hacking miserably. My whole body shook, and the movement seemed to wrench the rest of me from my stupor. I tried to roll onto my front to make expelling the water easier, but I hadn't the strength. Whoever was beside me seemed to understand, and those small hands descended upon me a heartbeat later, rolling me over so my stomach rested against the ground. I hacked, and water spattered from my lungs painfully.

"Easy," he murmured. "Easy, Light…it'll pass."

Water spewed from my lips for a few heartbeats longer before slowing to a steady drip. The next few breaths I drew brought upon furious fits of coughing, but I still managed to get some much-needed air into my oxygen-deprived system. I felt incredibly weak—my whole body thrummed with miserable weakness, hands shaking horribly as I attempted to push myself up enough to identify my rescuer.

"Are you okay?" said rescuer was asking.

I forced myself to nod, croaking out, "Yes…" I had to break off to cough before I could continue. My eyes were firmly glued shut, so I had no hope of identifying this person by sight alone. "How long have I been down there?"

"Oh…about two weeks, I'd say. A little more."

I mentally tugged at my eyes, and the lids parted just a centimeter—not enough for me to really see what was going on. "Who…?" I rasped.

"Why, Light! You don't recognize me? For shame, for shame! I go through all this trouble to break you out, and you don't even know who to thank. If this is all the thanks I get, then maybe I should have just let you die in that hospital."

It clicked immediately. "Shinigami!" I burst out. My mind was so foggy that I hadn't recognized his voice, but now it made sense. I had so many questions for the child shinigami, all of them whirling about inside my head—where to begin?

"Calm down," the child instructed. "You've been unconscious for several days now; just let your body recover. Your sight will return to you soon enough, but I don't think you'll like what you find."

I waited, just as he instructed. But in the meantime, I did not stay quiet. "Why wasn't I breathing?" I demanded. "How did I stay alive without oxygen? And what the hell was that water doing to me? I felt so weak…"

The child shinigami sighed deeply. "I should have known you wouldn't pause before bombarding me with questions."

I barely heard him. In a mere moment my mind had flooded with panic as I slowly realized that he'd won. Kira had won, I'd fallen into the red sea, I'd let him take control—! I was already struggling for breath, but now I was practically gasping, panting heavily but failing to draw in the oxygen I so desperately needed. I felt as though I was breathing through a straw—my throat had closed in on itself, my mouth felt as if it were filled with glue, and my entire body was shaking so violently that I feared I might be about to slip into something akin to a seizure.

"Light," the child shinigami said immediately, hands shooting out to rest on my shoulders. "Please—calm down. You're going to hurt yourself it you go on like this."

I managed a short shake of the head, struggling to open my eyes. Maybe if I could just see where I was, my panic would lessen…

The shinigami spoke again. "Do not panic. I assure you, you are perfectly safe here." He paused. "Well, safe enough for the moment."

A minute passed, and I couldn't regain my breath. Every time I came close to some semblance of control, some other horrifying detail of my predicament came flooding back, and I was reduced once more to a gasping, choking mess. I had the vague realization that if this went on, I would hyperventilate.

"Hush…" the shinigami murmured, his tone awkwardly comforting, as if he didn't quite know how to handle the situation he was presented with. Clearly he hadn't expected me to immediately fall into a fit of hysterics. "Calm yourself. Breathe in slowly…good, now breathe out—no, not like that! Slowly, Light, slowly… Good, good, now do it again…and again…just focus on breathing." He rubbed circles on my back stiffly. "Just keep breathing."

It was several more minutes before I drew one last hitching breath, then released all the air within my lungs with one great whoosh. The next time I inhaled, the death grip on my lungs relaxed, my body ceased its shaking, and finally, finally, my throat opened up once more.

"There," the child shinigami murmured. "You're okay. You're still alive."

"I…" I trailed off, coughing for a few moments. My voice was painfully raspy, and my throat felt like sandpaper. "I'm alive…"

"Yes."

I managed to roll onto my back, and immediately winced as the bumpy ground pressed into my skin. My hands began to shake again, and I swiftly tucked them under my body to quiet the impulsive movements. "Why?" I rasped belatedly. "How?"

I felt cool fingers run across my forehead, and the child shinigami responded, "You are alive because Kira did not have the chance to kill you. That red water wasn't deadly, you see. It's more like…well, I suppose the closest word you have for it in your language is sedative. It puts you to sleep, lulls you into a false sense of security until you barely know what's happening outside of your own mind. Its job is to keep you compliant. And then, after you're nice and submissive, it eats you alive."

"What?" I yelped out. "You said it wasn't deadly!"

"Oh, yes…I suppose that wasn't true. What I meant to say was that it wasn't deadly at first. Quite honestly, I have no idea how long you'd have to stay in the stuff before it killed you. It could be weeks, it could be years. But eventually, it would kill you."

"N-no way," I stuttered. "That stuff…it'll actually…?"

"Yes, it will—at least, it would have if I hadn't just pulled you out."

And that just brought on a whirlwind of questions. "Why?" How was I able to survive without breathing? How am I still conscious after being consumed by all that water? Why did you wait so long to pull me out? Will I be able to fight Kira now? Why can't I open my eyes? And…is this shinigami really evil? Rem warned me not to talk to him, but…I don't exactly have a choice. Is he really so bad? The list went on, and on…there were so many questions that eventually I just turned my head in the shinigami's general direction and whispered, "Why?"

"Why what?"

I fidgeted, finding that strength was slowly returning to my limbs. "Just…why?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

I swallowed hard. Where to begin? So much was beyond my understanding… "Will you answer my questions?" I asked finally.

When he responded, the shinigami sounded vaguely irritated. "To the best of my ability, yes. It is time, I think, to give you a few of those long-sought-after answers."

My mind seized for a moment. I had so many questions that I hardly knew where to begin. "Start…" I trailed off. "Start at the beginning. Why did you save me in the hospital, and how did you do it? According to everyone I've talked to, my lifespan was about to hit zero, but you brought it back up. I want to know how and why you did such a thing."

The child sighed. "Very well, then. I will grant you that. It is true that I saved your life in the hospital. I saved you because you weren't meant to die just then, no matter what your lifespan said. I knew that I needed you—that the world needed you. And so when I saw you dying, I knew that I had to save you, and so I did."

"How did you know that I needed to remain alive?" I questioned. "My lifespan was at its end, so I was supposed to die, right? What makes you think that the world still needs me?"

"That I cannot tell you," the shinigami responded promptly. "I am sorry, but there are still some things that I cannot divulge. "Suffice it to say that I know what this world is meant to be like—and should you have died in that hospital, the world would not have taken shape in the way it was meant to."

I sighed, irritated. "Fine, then. How did you do it?"

"That is also classified information."

He sounded like an FBI agent. "You said you'd tell me!"

"I said that I'd tell you as much as I could. In no way did I promise to tell you everything I knew."

I grumbled, "Fine, you win. Then my next question is, who are you? And what's your name?"

He laughed. "I'm sorry, but you keep asking about things I can't answer. I can't tell you who I am, and I do not remember my name."

"How the hell did you forget your own name?" I demanded. "That's kind of important, you know!"

There was a pause, and though I couldn't see him, I was certain that the shinigami was shrugging carelessly. "I had a name once, but that feels like millennia ago now. I was the only one that ever knew it, and none of the other shinigami ever addressed me by it. So over time, I just…forgot. I don't make a habit of hanging on to information that doesn't concern me any longer."

As he spoke, I tried to open my eyes, but failed once again. "Fine—then how are you in my head? That's not something that normal shinigami can do!"

"There are lots of things that most shinigami don't know they can do. If they'd just stop their incessant gambling, perhaps they would realize that their powers are much greater than they can hope to realize. But they never stop gambling, they never stop wasting their time, and so they do not realize. I, on the other hand, am not only several eons older than the other shinigami, but I spend exactly zero percent of my time gambling. Therefore, using that extra time, I have been able to perfect certain powers that other shinigami do not even know they possess. It is with one of those abilities that I have found a way to materialize within your mind, Light Yagami. Of course, I am not here physically, for that would be impossible. I'm here mentally, just as you are."

"Then how can you touch me?"

He shrugged. "Everything in your mind operates on the same frequency—you tune in to this place like a radio tunes in to a station. I've simply adjusted my frequency, so to speak, so I am able to tune in to this place as well. Due to that, it is possible for me to not only touch you, but to manipulate certain aspects of the environment."

Good enough. "Okay, then. What about the fake rules in the Death Note? Why did you erase them?"

"Oh, that one's easy. First off, it's insulting—I go through all the trouble of adding a "How to Use It" section, and suddenly you come along and add fake rules? That's not very polite. It's offensive, actually—and so naturally I wanted those disgusting rules removed at once. And more importantly, if I'd allowed those rules to remain, then my entire plan would have been thrown out of order. I told you that I know how this world is supposed to turn out, yes? Well, if I'd allowed those rules to remain in place, then that ideal world couldn't be achieved. It's a bit hard to explain, now that I think about it—but, you see, I wanted L to figure out that burning the notebook would be the same as relinquishing possession. And if I'd allowed that rule about destroying the notebook remain in place, then he would never have considered it. And although he wasn't the one who figured it out, and it was a bit later than I'd hoped, it still worked out in the end. As for the thirteen day rule…well, that one was just offensive. There's really no reason for me to let it stay when it's such an eyesore."

Only one thing stuck from that little speech. L knew that burning the notebook would save me. He knew that Kira could be vanquished. Was it possible…that I could be saved? Was it even plausible to hope that I would live through this? "He knows…" I whispered, stunned. "He knows that burning the Death Note will work…"

"He suspects," the child shinigami corrected. "He isn't certain, but he will be soon enough. He should be having a chat with Rem right about now, so he'll soon understand just what's going on behind the scenes."

The mention of Rem immediately brought quite a pressing question to the forefront of my mind, and before I could stop to examine the shinigami's response in full, I'd already blurted it out. "But Rem…she said that you were evil. Care to tell me what she meant by that?"

"She meant that I am evil."

I groaned. "Yes, I understand that. What I mean to ask is—well…are you evil? Is she right?"

He laughed. "Surely you can't expect to believe my answer. I'm the one being accused of evil intentions, so you can't exactly trust anything I say, now, can you?"

"Answer the question."

"Very well. If you want to know the truth, then I will tell you." There was a moment of silence. "I suppose that you might call me evil."

My whole body tensed. I immediately moved to get away from the child, but all it took was a hand pressed to my chest to keep me down.

"Now, now, Light, let's not be hasty about this. I said that you might call me evil—it really depends on who you are and what you believe. After all, evil is just a matter of perspective. There are many people who believe that Kira is the just god of the new world, while others call for his head. Evil depends on who you are and what you believe. And I can assure you, Light, that in your case, I am definitely not evil. To Rem, yes—I am the most despicable being in existence. But you I intend to help." I felt his hand settle over my eyes, stilling my desperate attempts to open them.

I asked, "Why does Rem think you're evil?"

I heard a soft laugh. "You mean you didn't know? I killed Gelus."

"Gelus?" I echoed. "Who's that?"

"Oh…that's right, you don't know. Gelus was a shinigami who fell in love with Misa Amane."

"…What?" That wasn't where I thought the story was going.

"You know that the way to kill a shinigami is for them to purposefully extend a human's lifespan, yes? Well, Gelus loved Misa Amane so much that when her life was about to come to an end, he extended it using his Death Note. Naturally, this meant that he had to die. He dissolved into a sand-like substance and crumbled to nothing. He died, in the truest sense of the word."

"Then you didn't kill him, did you? How was it your fault?"

"Ah, well…that ties into my identity, which I'm not going to tell you. Let's just say that if I didn't exist, the rules wouldn't be enforced. And if the rules weren't enforced, then Gelus wouldn't be dead. So as far as Rem is concerned, I killed a shinigami that she was very good friends with."

I shook my head, feeling the shinigami's hand shift to remain over my eyes. "That can't be it. That's not a good enough reason to call someone evil."

Another long pause. "Fine. You're right, that's not it. Do you want a full list of my crimes, Light Yagami? Then here you go: murder, both of shinigami and humans, collaboration with mortals, betrayal of comrades, lying, manipulation, pursuit of excessive power, interference with the human realm…shall I go on?"

"Is that all?" I asked sarcastically. "Still, it doesn't seem like enough to convict you of being an evil person."

"Well, I suppose I have left one thing out—the fact that ever human I've ever involved myself with has ended up dead."

My heart seemed to freeze in my chest—not just because I was involved with him, but because L was involved as well—as were the task force, the successors, and everyone I cared about. If what the shinigami said was true, then my lover was already doomed, as were the rest of them.

"If you want to know the full truth, then I imagine it goes something like this: at the time in which Rem told you that I was evil, Misa was not yet involved with me, and was therefore, in Rem's eyes, safe from death. Her telling you to avoid me at all costs was likely a weak attempt at protecting Misa from becoming mixed up in all of this. For if you continued to collaborate with me, it would no doubt lead to Misa's involvement as well, which, as Rem knew, would lead to her death. So, in other words, she does believe that I am evil—evil for killing Gelus, evil for committing crimes against my species, evil for enforcing shinigami law—evil for murdering every human I've ever come into contact with. But she is not as concerned with my being evil as she is for Misa's wellbeing. She spoke the truth when she told you to stay away from me due to my nature, but she was also attempting to protect someone whom she cared very much about. Do you understand?"

"Yes…yes, I do." That made perfect sense, actually. Rem had always cared for Misa, and this was just another one of her attempts to protect her at all costs. She hadn't lied, but she'd stretched the truth. But now, at least, I had no more doubts about working with the child shinigami—for if by merely speaking to him in the first place I had doomed myself, then there was nothing holding me back from working with him until he decided to carry out my punishment. I had nothing left to lose. "Then I suppose that you are evil, to me."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are—for if what you say is true, then you're going to kill L at the end of this, as well as the rest of us. That makes you evil in my eyes."

"Well, that's too bad. But I trust you won't have any problems working with me? After all, you've already become involved with me, so there's no use in trying to preserve your life anymore. All that could happen is that I either kill you early, or let you live after this is all done—after all, I told you that this world has to take shape in a certain way—how do you know that you aren't a part of that shape? For all you know, I have to let you and your friends live after all this is done, just to fulfill my image of a perfect world."

He had a point. He was telling me, in as many words, that he wasn't certainly going to kill us. He was giving me hope, telling me that there was a chance that I would be allowed to live the rest of my life in peace if I managed to win. Which, I thought, I wasn't sure if I would win.

"Is there anything else?" the child asked.

Quite honestly, he'd answered all of my big questions—now my mind was turning to the smaller details, the tiny details that I couldn't understand. "Yeah…" I said slowly. "How was I able to survive without oxygen while I was down in that water? Where did you drag me? Why did I lack the need to breathe while I was underwater, but suddenly require oxygen once I reached the surface once more? If you were just going to pull me back out, why did you let Kira consume me in the first place? Why—?"

"Woah, woah!" The child shinigami cut me off. "One at a time!"

"Yes, sorry…" I thought for a moment. "In that case, answer me this: how did I survive so long without breathing?"

The child was smirking; I could hear it in his voice. "Oh, Light…such a irrelevant question. But still, if you wish to know, I will tell you." I heard the brief rustling of cloth. "The answer is…" he said dramatically, and I knew immediately, despite my inability to see, that the expression on his face must have been nothing short of theatrical. "I do not know!"

I stared. No, I would have stared had the shinigami's hand not been sealed over my nonfunctional eyes. "Pardon?"

"Well, you can't expect me to know everything!" he cackled. "Humans are weird, Light. Who knows how your fragile little body handled that water? Perhaps you just grew a set of gills when you weren't watching!" He laughed again.

"Then what about my rude awakening?" I snapped, growing irritated. That was one too many questions he hadn't answered, and I was becoming annoyed. "Why did you let Kira win in the first place if you intended to wake me up again now?"

"What makes you think I had the power to stop Kira from winning?"

I frowned deeply. I…I didn't know. The idea that the child could save me had just formed in my mind at some point, fueled by his seeming knowledge of all things supernatural. I was just certain that he could help me, and I didn't know why. "I…I don't know," I responded belatedly. "You just…you seem powerful."

He sighed, sounding exasperated, but I could tell that he was pleased with my assessment. "Very good, Light. In truth, I suppose I could have done something to help you. But like I've been saying this whole time, this world is meant to be a certain way. I know what this world's destiny is, and I intend to help it meet that destiny. And while I may not be able to reveal all the details to any human, trust in the fact that it was necessary for me to let you succumb to Kira—but it was not necessary for me to let that water kill you. Therefore, I decided to save you."

"I see. So this is all a part of your twisted plan, then? Are we all puppets, eternally dancing in the palm of your hand?"

He laughed again, heartily. "Yes, I suppose you could say that. But it's not quite that simple. If I say jump, you jump—but only after I manipulate the circumstances so you have a reason to jump." He sounded very satisfied with himself. "I have to give you a reason to do the things you need to do, correct? This will be your reason. My waking you up will lead you down the correct path."

Lead me down the correct path…? "Will I be able to take control again?" I asked softly, fearing the answer. "Is that why you woke me up?"

"Well…" he hesitated. "I think I'd better let you open your eyes before we go any further. That might answer a few of those lingering questions you seem so desperate to pelt me with."

Immediately, a surge of trepidation shot through me. It was true that I'd been attempting to see what was around me since I'd awoken, but now that the child shinigami was actually going to let me look around…I was nervous. When I opened my eyes, what would I find? Would there be even the slightest shred of silver? Would I myself be completely covered in scarlet, like a thick layer of blood? Or…would my mind be in shambles, torn apart and crumbling? I swallowed nervously. What if I didn't have a hope of recovery? Almost instantly the thought of never seeing L again filled my mind, and for a heartbeat I was almost convinced that I was going to throw up. But then I clamped down on that nausea, covered up my horrible, sickening fear, and nodded shortly. The child shinigami paused for a long moment after seeing my sign of affirmation. And then, slowly, hesitantly, he drew his hand away…

And I opened my eyes.

The first thing I saw was red, which wasn't too far off what I'd expected. But what I hadn't expected to see was the shallow, craggy, rock ceiling hanging a mere six or so feet above me. I blinked several times, re-familiarizing myself with the use of my eyes after so long without them. They burned, as if I'd been lounging about in a chlorinated pool with my eyes open for a few days—no, actually, more like a few weeks. I wondered briefly how they looked, and if they were as swollen and irritated as they felt.

The child shinigami said, "Go on, Light. Look around."

I pushed myself up unsteadily, leaning back on my elbows and turning my eyes on the world around me. Oh…I thought woozily, raising one hand to clasp to my forehead as a wave of dizziness swept through me. Oh, I don't feel so well… Ignoring my bought of nausea, I forced myself to take in my surroundings. And what I saw…surprised me.

I…I was in a cave. No, actually, a better word for it would have been grotto. It was incredibly small—so small, in fact that should I stretch both arms out on either side of me, my fingertips would have been brushing the walls. Should I have risen, I knew that my head would brush the ceiling. A very red ceiling, I noted—and as I looked around again, I realized with distaste that the whole place was completely scarlet—not that I'd expected any different. I slowly looked down at my own form, fearing the worst, and—

Once again I was choking back vomit. I was just as scarlet as the rest of the cave, as unfortunate as it was. Right down to every last strand of hair on my head. I wondered morbidly if I looked like Kira, if my eyes had turned the same, muddy scarlet as his.

No, I won't allow myself to think like that…not now. I have to focus.

With that in mind, I continued my observation of the grotto. I noticed with a start that at the opposite end of the tiny cave, the rocky ground gave way to a tiny patch of scarlet water. But, I noted, since the entrance of the cave was so small—a mere gap that was barley large enough for me to slip in and out of so long as I was crawling—I couldn't see much of said water. It at least allowed me to delude myself into thinking that the water wasn't as expansive as I knew it was. I was struck with the desire to get up and go over to the exit just so I could make sure that the outside world was just as red as it was in here, even though I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was. I pushed myself up shakily, fully preparing to stand up, but before I could get more than a few inches off the ground, the child shinigami pushed me back down with a hand to my chest.

"No," he said firmly, "you can't go outside."

My eyes found him, and I saw that he looked almost exactly the same as when I'd last seen him. Black hair, reddish orange eyes, pale skin. No shoes, black t-shirt, green cargo shorts. "Why not?" I demanded hoarsely. "You think I'm weak, is that why?"

"You are weak," he said shortly. "You wouldn't be able to stand if you wanted to. But besides that, if you go outside, you'll just be sucked back into the water. I'd prefer not to have to dive back down and save you again, so please just stay here."

"If I stay here, then how am I supposed to fight Kira and regain control?" I demanded, folding my arms across my chest like a child. It most likely looked ridiculous, seeing as I was still flat on my back, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

The child shinigami just stared.

"How am I supposed to fight him?" I repeated, a pang of nervousness shooting through me.

He stared some more.

A horrible realization washed over me like a wave of cold water on a hot day. My mouth felt even drier than before, and I had to swallow several times before I could rasp out, "I…I'm not…am I? I'm not supposed to fight him."

The child shook his head minutely.

And just like that, fear gave way to anger. "What the hell?" I spat furiously. "You just want me to sit around and watch him kill L? You want me to let him run rampant over the entire earth?"

"Yes," he whispered, his voice nearly inaudible. "That is exactly what I want you to do."

"Well, there's no way in hell I'm going to let that happen!" I snapped. "You've woken me up, and now I'm going to do everything in my power to fight Kira until I win!"

The child raised two fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Light Yagami, if you try to fight him, you will die."

"W-what?" I stammered, completely taken aback.

"He will kill you."

"You mean the water will kill me," I corrected hesitantly. "That's what you mean, isn't it? You're saying that if I leave this area, I'll be sucked back into the water, put to sleep, then put to death?"

"That is exactly what I am saying, and exactly why you must remain here if you wish to survive. If you fall back into that water, it will steadily corrupt you beyond recognition, and you will lose your life."

For a moment, my mouth opened and closed helplessly as I attempted to formulate a response. Then, "What's so special about this area? Why do I need to stay here of all places?"

"That's simple. This is the only area left that is not underwater."

I was sure that my eyes had just widened to the size of saucers. "The…the only place?" I echoed. "You mean…the rest of my mind is completely covered in water?"

He nodded shortly. "This is the only place left. Believe it or not, this cave is entirely submerged. It's a sort of bubble beneath the water—a cave attached to the side of that cliff you fell off. So long as you're here, you won't be swallowed up by that water. Unfortunately, there's not any silver left anywhere, so you don't have any way to fight back. That silver was your metaphorical sword, you see, and you've been disarmed."

"How can I get it back?" I demanded.

He chuckled darkly, saying, "Oh, there's no way I'm telling you that. If I do, then you might be tempted to fight back—and as I said, that will only lead to your death."

"Tell me," I growled in a low tone.

The child shinigami smirked. "Nope!"

I narrowed my eyes in what I hoped was a threatening expression.

The shinigami raised his hands in a placating gesture, but he didn't look concerned. No doubt I didn't look very threatening, what with my battered form, shaking hands, and raspy breathing. "Sorry, but it's like I told you—I'm not going to let you go out and get yourself needlessly killed. I need you alive in order for this world to meet with its destiny, and so alive you will stay."

"If you don't tell me," I growled, "then I'll be forced to find my own way to fight—and I'll inevitably end up going outside in order to find that way."

The child raised a brow, his expression one of amusement. "You're holding your own life hostage?" he asked with a low chuckle.

I raised my chin defiantly and didn't respond.

"You…"

For just a moment I felt a swell of triumph building in my chest—he was going to tell me! He had to!

"…are an idiot."

My eyes went wide. "What?" I yelped, because no one, no one, in all eighteen years of my life, had ever dared to call me an idiot, even as a joke. I was Light Yagami! I was a genius!

The child shinigami leaned forward, hands resting lightly on his hips. "Tell me, Light, if you get yourself killed, then what will happen?"

"I'll die," I responded stupidly, still too stunned to analyze his words properly.

The child sighed. "What else?"

"Kira will die."

"Yes…what else?"

I frowned. "There…there'll be a funeral?"

"And who will attend that funeral?"

"Ah…the task force members."

"Who else?"

"My family."

"Who else?"

"The successors…?"

"And?"

I hesitated.

"Light…who else?"

I gulped audibly as my heart shot up into the center of my throat. "I suppose…just maybe…"

The child glared. "Stop dancing around the subject. Light—who else?"

My mouth felt dry and sticky again. But still, I parted my cracked lips and forced out the name that so tormented my mind. "L."

"Good," the child said approvingly. "L will attend your funeral. And how do you think he'll feel?"

I clenched my teeth, balling my hands into fists as I glared at the ground. "Don't…" I rasped. "Don't ask me such things."

"He'll be devastated," the child answered for me. "He'll stare down at the body of someone he used to love, and he'll know, Light. He'll know that you were too weak to keep fighting until the end. He'll know that you chose to die when you could have gone on living. He'll know that you gave up on him."

"I did not—!" I snarled, gaining the strength to push myself up against the cave wall. "I did not give up on him! I haven't given up—that's why I need to fight, and why you need to tell me what to do!"

The child shinigami shook his head. "You're threatening to end your own life in order to gain information. You've given up."

"That information I'm trying to gain would let me fight Kira so I could go back to L!" I snapped, anger adding a painful bite to each word. "How the hell does that constitute giving up?"

"I have already told you, Light Yagami, that if you fight, you will be killed. Therefore, seeking out said information is just another one of your attempts to self destruct."

"N-no!" I insisted, but his words shook me deeply. "I…I'm not trying to self destruct; I'm trying to get back to L!"

He eyed me coldly. "If you want to go back to L, then stay put."

"I can't!" I blurted out.

"I don't think you understand. Shall I spell it out for you?" In a heartbeat he was inches from me, his harsh, yellowish eyes glaring into mine. "You are currently residing in the only area in your entire mind that is safe from the red sea, which will kill you if you stay in it for too long. And since you've lost your last inch of silver, you have no weapon, no way to fight back. I could tell you how to regain said silver and begin to fight, but I won't because if I do, then you'll leave this grotto in order to begin said fight—which, as we've went over again and again, will kill you. And if you die, then L will believe that you self destructed, and consequently, that you gave up on finding a way to get rid of Kira. Therefore, as I have told you countless times, the best thing for you to do is stay put."

"But how will I win?" I whispered. "How will I get back to L, if all I can do is sit here?"

The shinigami drew back slowly, his gaze softening considerably. "You will wait."

"That's not good enough!" I insisted, and though I was attempting to convey anger, my voice sounded desperate and afraid. "Can I at least see what's going on outside my own head? While I was in the water I could see through Kira's eyes, so can you at least tell me how to do that?"

"Concentrate."

"Concentrate?" I echoed. "Could you be any more vague?"

He rolled his eyes. "If you can't figure it out, then I don't think you're fit for the title of genius. Just concentrate, and you will be able to see, just as Kira did while you were still in control."

"And will Kira know when I am watching him? What is he feeling right now, as we sit here talking? Can he tell that I've awoken?"

The child shinigami paused for a long moment before speaking once more. "Kira will not know when you are watching, just as you did not know when he was watching. And likewise, so long as you do not deliberately attempt to speak to him, he will not be able to hear your thoughts. As for whether or not he knows that you have awoken…so long as you do not attempt to fight him with any hair-brained scheme you might dream up, I do not think he will know that you've escaped the red sea. But again, I could be wrong. As I said quite some time ago, this has never happened to anyone before. You're the first, the control group. We'll just have to see what happens."

I opened my mouth to demand more details, but before I could, the child shinigami was back in front of me, one hand reaching out to clasp to my shoulder comfortingly.

"Take heart, Light Yagami," he murmured. "It's not over just yet; my perfect world is still a ways off. Nothing is set in stone."

"Yes," I rasped, "But how am I supposed to know what your perfect world is like? How am I to know that I'll be a part of it, and that L will be with me?"

His eyes glimmered with pity. "You cannot know."

I lowered my head, feeling heat pooling behind my eyes. No…I would not cry. I wouldn't cry! But despite my self-disciplining thoughts, my eyes were beginning to brim with tears. God…when had I become so unstable?

The child shinigami, no doubt noticing my tears, sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, but I cannot stay. If you have no more questions, then I must return to my realm. There is someone else that I have to speak with."

I forced myself to nod numbly, but not even my best efforts could convince my lips to part in the beginnings of speech.

The shinigami was moving away, nearing the exit to the cave. It didn't take more than two or three steps before he reached the water's edge. But then he paused, one foot half in the water, and shot me a sideways glance. For a moment he seemed conflicted about something—but then he seemed to steel himself, and he spoke.

"One last thing. You should know—help is coming."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even next or next month—it might not even work, and you could quite possibly die without ever seeing L again. But help is coming. L is coming."

I couldn't describe the flood of conflicted hope the rushed through me in that moment. I was so stunned, so conflicted, that when I tried to ask the shinigami for more details, all that escaped me were various and completely jumbled sounds and noises.

The shinigami was smirking, as if he knew something I didn't—and he did know something I didn't. Actually, he knew a lot of things. "Just stay here until then," he said softly, knowingly. "And then, perhaps, something will go right for you. Or…maybe it won't. Who knows?" He cackled.

And then, without another word, he turned for the water and leapt straight into it, leaving me to stare helplessly after him in the grotto that served as my prison.

†††

And so it was that L's revelation led him to stand in the center of a small, dimly lit room in the apartment that currently housed Japan's top model. Misa Amane's home, completely decked out in gothic dolls and paintings, drip candles spread out on holders all around the room, the dark gray walls burdened with posters and band merchandise from America.

Admittedly, meeting with her hadn't been an easy task. He'd had to dance around his successors, the task force, and Watari—for reasons he didn't quite understand, he hadn't felt inclined to tell them where he was really going. Instead, he'd told them that he was just going up to the roof for a few hours to clear his head. It was believable enough, and no one questioned him, especially not after he gave them his best doe-eyed stare and told them in his softest tone that he missed Light, and needed some time to himself. After he'd convinced the successors, it had been a simple matter of climbing down the fire escape to the street below and heading off in the direction of Misa's apartment. He knew he wouldn't have more than a few hours before his successors suspected that he wasn't on the roof like he said he was. If he hadn't altered the security cameras before he left, then Watari would most likely have already figured out his little ruse.

But…the one thing that L didn't understand…

Why had he felt the need to lie in the first place? He was working with his successors and the task force, so why had he lied? Why hadn't he walked up to them and said, hey, I know a way we can confirm that burning the notebook will work—and what's more, I think I can find out Kira's location. So, care to accompany me?

That would have been the right thing to do. But for some reason, L hadn't done the right thing. Something deep, deep within him had urged him to go alone—and L's gut had never been wrong before, so he went with it. He'd snuck out to go see Misa like some prepubescent child snuck out to see a forbidden girlfriend, without informing anyone of what he intended to do. He shuddered at the comparison, wondering morbidly how he was going to explain his actions to his successors.

But he'd gotten off topic—he'd been recalling his journey to Misa's apartment. The streets had been relatively deserted, and the only light came from the dim glow of streetlights. It had taken a mere ten minutes to reach Misa's residence. She'd moved relatively close to headquarters so she'd be able to see Light more often.

Hah…L thought bitterly. Look how well that worked out.

When he'd reached Misa's apartment, he'd had to ring the doorbell a grand total of eight times before he heard the model stirring. After ringing it four times more, she'd finally answered the door, eyes puffy with exhaustion, hair scraggly, makeup completely smudged, as if she'd fallen into bed without taking it off and rubbed her face in the pillows.

"Ryuzaki…" she'd grumbled, rubbing at her eyes blearily. "What're you doin' here?" Her speech was slightly slurred—and L didn't blame her. He had, after all, arrived on her doorstep at approximately 2:45 in the morning.

"I apologize for the late hour, Miss Amane, but I must speak to you. If you would let me in…?"

She glared, but her expression was so clouded with exhaustion that it lost most of its bite. "Yeah right…" she murmured. "Let you in…the guy who—" She yawned. "—The guy who acts like a total pervert around Light? You think I'll let you in in the middle of the night while I'm not even dressed?"

Ah, yes, she was indeed currently wearing only pajamas. Very, very revealing pajamas. Black, lacy, lingerie-esque pajamas.

If L had been at all attracted to her, he would have developed quite a big problem then and there.

Luckily, he was not attracted to Misa.

"Well?" Misa demanded, her voice sharpening as she woke up a bit more. "Aren't you going to say anything? Tell me why you're here?"

"I need to talk to you—"

"Yes, I already—"

"—About Light."

She froze immediately, and L knew he'd won. She couldn't resist any and all information about Light. "What about him?" she demanded.

L shook his head coyly. "Oh, don't worry about it—it's clear that you don't want me here, so I'll just find someone else to talk to." He turned around and waited for the model to inevitably call him back.

"Wait!"

There it was. L allowed himself a small, satisfied smile. "Something you want, Miss Amane?"

She shuffled her feet. "If it's about Light…fine then, you can come in. Just give me a moment to get dressed." She turned on heel and quite literally bounced back into the room, every step screaming of her bubbly, happy attitude, even though she was no doubt still quite tired. She'd disappeared into the bathroom a few moments later, eventually reemerging wearing something entirely different.

…Which led L back to where he was currently. Sitting—or rather, crouching—on Misa Amane's couch, while she sat across from him. Her legs, covered in black netting, were crossed angrily as she regarded the shaggy-haired mess of a detective standing in her living room at approximately 2:55 in the morning. Her hair was messy from sleep, but she had still pulled it up into two ponytails. She'd changed out of her pajamas just a moment ago, which resulted in her sitting on the sofa wearing a black tube-top and an embarrassingly short black skirt and netted leggings. She looked even more inappropriate than she had in her pajamas. Like some sort of gothic fantasy…L thought blandly.

L glanced down at his own clothing thoughtfully. He'd never been the type for fashion—he wore what was comfortable, and whenever he found something he liked, he bought dozens of pairs of whatever said thing was. Of course, the only things he'd even remotely liked over the entirety of his life were what he was currently wearing—a white long-sleeved shirt, baggy jeans, and a pair of old, worn out tennis shoes. He owned several dozen pairs of each. He wondered briefly if it bothered Light when he wore the same thing every day…after all, he put so much effort into his appearance, and L just rolled out of bed wearing his clothes for the day…

Wait, what the hell am I doing? Why am I thinking about this now?

Misa interrupted his thoughts by clearing her throat, uncrossing and crossing her legs in the other direction as she did. "So, what are you doing here? What's wrong with Light?" Her eyes widened slightly in accusation as she leaned forward. "I hope you're not here to forbid me from seeing Light! I already see him so little, and the New Year is coming up, you know! You should let me see Light for the New Year so we can kiss at midnight! And you'd better turn away, pervert!"

She really had no creativity when it came to insults. And the mention of the New Year was really quite surprising… L had forgotten that it was coming up in all the commotion. He… he'd hoped to share a kiss with Light at midnight. Now it seemed that that might never happen.

"Well? Are you going to let me see Light or not?"

L felt his chest swell with anger. But he choked it down, telling himself that Misa couldn't possibly know just how painful her words were. "You will not be allowed to see Light," he ground out. "You know perfectly well that he doesn't love you."

Misa's lips pursed, her eyes narrowing as she crossed and uncrossed her arms repeatedly. But much to L's surprise, she didn't go into full-out insanity mode at the mention of Light not loving her. "He does too love me!" she insisted, as if she'd totally forgotten about Sayu's birthday party.

L's hand twitched towards his pocket. Ah, yes—that was the other aspect of his plan he hadn't mentioned. Under the pretense of procuring medication for a headache, he'd gone up the infirmary and snatched up a wax-sealed vial of sedative and a syringe. On his way to Misa's apartment, he'd prepared the syringe as necessary, filling it with said sedative, which should be strong enough to knock Misa out for one hour. All he had to do was leap up and inject her, but…he was struck with the childish impulse to argue with the model. Perhaps it was just to blow off steam, or to prove to a nonexistent Light that he loved him enough to fight for him. He wasn't quite sure—but whatever the reason, he was suddenly opening his mouth and snapping, "I'm his boyfriend." And then he blinked, somewhat surprised with his own words.

Misa's eyes widened comically. "No you're not! Don't tell lies about my Light!"

"Like it or not, it's true," L insisted without hesitation, slightly baffled at the childish impulse flowing through him. "He said it himself!"

Misa huffed, "No he didn't! You said it, but he didn't do anything that proved you right! For all I know, you were just saying that because you wanted me to leave!"

She was right, L realized begrudgingly. Light hadn't done anything to confirm his statement—at least, not until they were back up in his room, and L had the younger male pinned firmly to the bed. "It's still true!" he snapped over the racket his thoughts were creating.

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

"Prove it!"

"I can't prove it, you imbecile!"

"Then it's not true!"

"It is most certainly true!"

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

…And it was at that point that L realized he was acting like a kindergartener fighting with another child over a toy. Oh, but it was such an attractive toy…

No! L disciplined himself firmly. Stop this at once! You are not five, so stop acting like it and get on with your mission! You don't have that much time, and you've already wasted a grand total of eleven minutes on this airhead! Light doesn't love her, he loves you, so get over it and stop fighting with Misa!

"…can't believe you, Ryuzaki!" Misa was declaring when L finally turned his attention back on the conversation. "You've done enough to Light and me! We can't even see each other anymore, all because you're such a pervert that you want to keep him to yourself!"

L stared flatly at her. And in that moment, he realized just how stupid she was, and just how stupid he was being. He chuckled darkly, thinking for a moment that perhaps he wasn't so much different from Misa—he just suppressed all that idiocy that she so blatantly displayed.

"Hey! Ryuzaki! Are you even listening to me?"

L got to his feet immediately, fingers running over the slight bump in the pocket of his jeans where the syringe was waiting. He began to step towards Misa, and then thought better of it—if Rem was really so protective of Misa, and if she was really here watching over her, then she'd kill him without a second thought if she thought he was going to harm the model.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing?" Misa demanded. "Stop spacing out, it's creepy!"

L raised his voice, hoping with all his heart that Rem was watching over Misa. "Shinigami Rem, do not be alarmed. I am not going to harm her."

"What? What are you saying?" The model's features scrunched up in a cute expression of confusion—at least, it would have been cute if not for the fact that L was only attracted to one person, and it was certainly not Misa Amane.

Misa opened her mouth to torture L's ears further, but by that time L had already leapt over the coffee table with surprising agility and grabbed a fistful of her hair, yanking her head to one side and sticking the needle none-too-gently into the model's paper-white flesh. He depressed the plunger with practiced ease, then yanked the thing out of Misa's neck and stuffed it back in his pocket. He'd dispose of it once he got back to headquarters.

The instant the needle pierced her flesh, Misa squealed indignantly—but by the time she thought of fighting, the drug had already done its job. She collapsed sideways onto the sofa, arms and legs splayed out awkwardly. Hmm…he hadn't been killed, so either Rem had heard his assurance that he wouldn't hurt Misa, or she wasn't here.

L craned his head, staring up at the ceiling. Well, then—it appeared that it was necessary for him to call to her. "Rem, I must speak with you. Please make contact."

For a long, excruciating moment, nothing happened. The room was still save for Misa's shallow breaths. But then, just as L was becoming disheartened, he felt a slight brush at his left arm, and heard a strangely deep but distinctly female voice.

"I am here."

L felt relief, sharp and sweet, course through his entire being. This was it. This was Kira's fatal mistake, the one that had the potential to destroy him. Leaving Rem here with Misa… it was laughable.

"Thank you for appearing to me, shinigami," L said, bowing his head in what he hoped was a gesture of respect. "I have much to ask you, if you will allow it."

She eyed him hesitantly. Then her lips twisted in what was most likely supposed to be a smile. "So you're the guest I was warned about. I have no choice—I will answer any question you like."

More relief. L felt like he was drowning in it. "Thank you." He leaned in slightly, curiosity taking him over. "I'm sure Light explained what was happening within his mind."

"He told me that he was battling against Kira for dominance."

"That is correct. Kira has won, as you know, which means Light has been pushed back. It is highly unlikely that he will be able to regain control without aid, so the successors and I have devised a plan. We believe that burning the Death Note will relieve Light of his second personality. Can you confirm that this will work?"

She frowned, clearly deep in thought. "Logically, it seems that it will work. But I'm not certain. And besides, I know Kira quite well. He will never allow you to get close enough to destroy the notebook—if you get within a mile of him, he'll kill you without hesitation."

L wasn't so sure about that—Kira wanted to play his game out to its conclusion, after all, so killing L prematurely wouldn't be favorable. But if he really thought that L was about to kill him, then he might be driven to extremes. Rem had a point—getting close to the Death Note would be tricky. But it wasn't anything he hadn't known already. "I'll have to find a way," L murmured. "If I can't get close enough to the notebook…then can you destroy it for me?"

Rem immediately shook her head. "No, I'm afraid that I cannot. I have been ordered to tell you anything you want to know—but I have also been ordered not to interfere. Not to mention that destroying a human's Death Note goes completely against shinigami law."

L gritted his teeth, mind whirring at top speed. He was at least sixty percent certain that he could find a way to get to the Death Note without Kira killing him in the process—but that left a forty percent margin for error, and while L had faced much worse odds and come away unscathed, gambling with his life and gambling with Light's life were two very different things. He would take the risk, certainly, if it was the only way—but if there was another way with a higher probability of succeeding… "In that case, would there happen to be a way to separate them without burning the Death Note?"

Rem paused, conflict raging behind her stormy eyes. "I do not know," she said at last. "There is only one shinigami who could answer that question, and he is not one that you can just waltz in and ask."

"Who is it?"

Her expression twisted uneasily, and L knew inherently that by telling him, she would be breaking a part of her so-called shinigami code of law. It was unfortunate…L had hoped to get some information out of her.

"The Shinigami King."

L blinked, surprised. He hadn't expected her to tell him. "Pardon?"

"The Shinigami King. The one who rules us all. He is the only shinigami with the ability to kill other gods of death. The only one that knows everything there is to know about our kind. And with that knowledge he has gained power far beyond that of a normal god of death. If there is a way to separate Light and Kira that is more effective than burning the notebook, he will know what it is."

"Then I must go to speak with him." Even if there isn't another way to separate Light from Kira, this so-called king should still have a little more information that I'll find useful.

Rem's eyes widened. "You cannot go to speak with the King. Humans cannot enter the shinigami realm. However, he can come to you. If he wishes, the King can appear to mortals and speak with them."

"Then call him at once so I can speak with him!"

"It is impossible for me to call the Shinigami King. He isn't someone that you summon like some sort of dog—if he wishes to speak to you, then he will come to this realm in order to do so."

"But I must speak to him; he must have more information that will increase my odds of saving Light!" L insisted. As usual, he was starved for information—and this Shinigami King sounded as if he had all the answers.

Rem stared at him pityingly. "I know that you love that human, and want desperately to save him," she said, "but I do not have the ability to take you to the shinigami realm, nor do I have the ability to call the King. I am truly sorry, but the only way you can possibly free Light is by burning the notebook, or having him relinquish possession some other way. Or, if you so wish…" She held up her Death Note in one hand, a pen in the other. "You could kill him. I have been forbidden to lay a hand on him, but you…you have no such stipulation. If you wanted to end this now, I could allow you to write his name in my Death Note."

It was the logical thing to do. But if L could just get to the notebook, then all this could be avoided—or, if he found the Shinigami King, there could be another, easier way. He could have his Light back without any bloodshed. "No, shinigami," he said softly. "I do not want to kill him. I want to save him by any means necessary."

Her eyes narrowed. "You are aware, of course, that every moment he remains alive is another moment that he has the opportunity to slaughter more and more innocent people. And every moment he breathes means another moment that Light Yagami is undoubtedly in agonizing pain."

L winced at the thought. Yes… he knew full well that if it was at all possible, Light would be fighting Kira at every turn in an attempt to get back to him. And if he was fighting, then Kira would be fighting back…and that meant that Light must be in pain, even as he stood there speaking to Rem. "Rem," he said at last, after a long moment of thought. "Did you know that I have never done anything selfish in my entire life? Not even once."

The shinigami raised a brow at him, clearly confused.

"I have never done anything strictly for myself. I hide my face and identity, yes, for my own protection. But I only do so because I knew that my death would mean a sudden rise in criminal activity. I used FBI agents to investigate the original task force not because I feared one of them would betray me, but because I was concerned that they would be killed if they didn't put all they had into the investigation, and I needed a way to test them." He gazed up at Rem, hands shoved into his pockets. "I have never been anything but selfless. Never. That is… until these past few months. I have gone against everything that I am. I allowed a criminal to walk free when I should killed him. I fell in love with the number one suspect in a serial murder case. I forced Light to keep living only because I wanted him all for myself. I didn't want to wait to see him again until I died and we found ourselves in whatever heaven or hell this world has to offer. Yes—I have been undeniably, unfathomably, selfish. And now I am going to be selfish once more." He stepped forward until he had to crane his neck significantly to see the shinigami towering over him. "I am aware that by doing this I am allowing the deaths of dozens, if not hundreds of innocent people. I am aware that I will cause Light unbearable pain. But even so, I will not allow him to die just yet. Please, shinigami Rem, stay your hand. Do not ask me to kill him."

The shinigami paused for a long moment, gazing down curiously at the raven-haired detective. Then she lowered her pen. Returned the Death Note to wherever she kept it when it was not in hand. "What will you do, Ryuzaki?"

L felt a spike of gratitude that she was still using his pseudonym instead of his real name, which she no doubt could see. "I don't really have a definite plan as of right now. The only thing I can think of is to speak to the Shinigami King, but you've already made it perfectly clear that that's not possible, so… I'll have to figure out a way to get my hands on that notebook so I can burn it."

"Then at least allow me to give you a piece of information," Rem offered. "Kira has sent Beyond Birthday to England."

L felt something his chest twist violently. "Yes, I… I know."

"I have not been able to determine what Beyond has been sent to do while in England, but he is no doubt there."

"England is where I grew up for five years," L explained softly. "I went to a very special school of sorts, and back then Beyond was my friend. Or rather, B was my friend."

Rem's eyes lit up with understanding. "You believe that Beyond has been sent to kill the students of that school."

"I do."

"And you're doing nothing? Do you not care for the students?"

"The orphans," L corrected, "are my children. I love them dearly, but it is too late for me to do anything. The children are already doomed, for their names have long since been written in the Death Note by Beyond. Two of my investigators have been sent to the scene, but they won't be able to do anything. They'll be called back in a few days. In any case, it is more important that all my forces remain here in order to put an end to Kira. If we can accomplish this, then the deaths of my children will not be in vain."

"You would sacrifice the lives of dozens of children in order to save one boy?" Rem wondered aloud. "You are foolish, Ryuzaki, but undoubtedly loyal to Light Yagami."

"I am loyal to him to a fault," L said softly. "It's going to get me killed one day."

Rem's gaze flickered up to just above L's head. Her expression twisted slightly. "Yes," she agreed, eyes never leaving that space. "It seems that it will."

L closed his eyes briefly. So it was true, then. Rem's reaction… No doubt his death was close. He wondered morbidly if lifespans were fluid—if he changed the path he currently walked; if he reached out and wrote the name of his lover in Rem's Death Note, would his lifespan be altered? Would he have longer to live? Would he have less time? If it was true that lifespans could be changed, then he could still win. He could still make a move that would alter his lifespan and allow him to save Light. The concept made L wonder how much time Kira had left. How much time Light had.

"Is there anything else?" Rem asked.

"Yes," L said immediately, remembering the main reason he'd come to Rem in the first place. "If at all possible, I would like to know where Kira is residing so I can go to him and destroy his Death Note."

There was no hesitation. "Kira is currently residing in the Teito Hotel in room 1313," Rem said. "Beyond is no longer there, of course, but Kira has not moved from that place for a few days shy of two weeks."

L was sure his jaw was on the ground. Rem was just… telling him where Kira was? After all this time trying to find him? He'd hoped, of course that this would be the case, but…was it really going to be that simple? "T-thank you, Rem!" he gasped out. "Are… are you sure that's where he is?"

"I am certain," the shinigami responded. "If it changes I will use Misa's computer to contact you."

"So you are to by my spy?" L asked, the idea too good to be true.

"It appears that I am." Rem produced her Death Note and opened it. "One more thing." She tore out a page and folded it until it was small enough to fit in L's palm. "I want you to take this with you. If you change your mind, then do not hesitate to use this to kill Light Yagami and Beyond Birthday. As much as it will hurt Misa to see her love dead, it appears to have become necessary. Kira will never love Misa, and he will never return to her. Misa will be hurt whether that murderer lives or dies, and I think it is better for him to die."

L chuckled humorlessly. "You're certainly not the only one who thinks that," he said softly. He slipped the folded page of the Death Note into his pocket, but he knew he would never use it. He had promised Light, in as many words, that he would never kill anyone with the notebook. It was the only thing Light had ever made him promise, and L didn't intend to break such a vow.

He gazed up at the pale shinigami and said honestly, "You have my sincerest thanks, Rem. I believe that I may have a chance, now that I've heard what you had to say."

Rem dipped her head in acknowledgement. "There is no need to thank me—I was simply following orders."

"Following orders?" L echoed curiously.

"Yes. I was ordered to tell you what you wished to know—otherwise, several of the topics we have discussed would have been entirely against shinigami law. For example, it is written in the Death Note that a shinigami cannot reveal the location of other Death Note users in the human world. But seeing as I was explicitly ordered to break the rules for your sake, I saw no problem with telling you what you wished to know."

"And…who ordered you to do such a thing?"

"Just another shinigami," Rem murmured evasively. A sudden sound from the couch drew her attention, and when L followed her gaze, he saw that Misa was beginning to shift. The sedative L had hit her with had been weak, and she was already waking up.

"You should leave before Misa wakes," Rem said pointedly. "She will not be happy with you once she regains consciousness."

"Oh, yes…" L glanced down at the model. She let out a low groan and shifted slightly. L was acutely aware that Misa wasn't the only danger here—if he waited much longer, there was a high probability that Watari or the successors would discover his absence. "You are correct, of course. I must go." He reached the door in a few steps and opened it.

"I am sorry about not being able to send you to the shinigami realm," Rem called after him.

"Don't concern yourself with such matters," L responded. "You've helped me plenty." With that, he closed the door. He took the elevator to the ground floor of the apartment complex and exited the building. It was very, very late, so there were no people or cars on the streets when he reached them. He took a moment to stand on the edge of the sidewalk, face turned towards the sky as he inhaled the crisp December air. It was nice, he thought, to stand outside in weather like this. He wasn't wearing a coat, or anything other than his regular apparel, so the chill reached right through to his bones—and he loved it. L had always loved winter, and the festive spirit that overtook people when the New Year was close. It was almost cold enough for snow. He smiled as he thought about his time in England, and the snow that used to fall their each year. It had been one of his favorite things to do, after it snowed, to run outside and roll around in the frozen flakes. Watari would always scold him afterwards for not taking a snow coat and winding up sick the next day—but he always had a smile on his face, and L knew that the scolding was half-hearted.

He began to walk, shoes scraping the ground slightly with every step. The hotel was very close to headquarters, so there was really no need for him to call a taxi unless he wanted to. It would be safer, he knew, to ride in a car. But he wanted to be outside, if even for a few blocks of walking.

L froze suddenly.

Something… something had moved! He whirled around, searching for the swish of movement he swore he'd seen. But there was nothing, no other living being on the streets around him for as far as he could see—and no cars.

Something moved again.

It was a flash of movement that swished by him, making his hair ruffle in the breeze it created. What the hell? L slowly backed up until his back was pressed against the side of a building. This way, he knew, no one could approach him from the back. One hand dipped his belt, reappearing a moment later with a knife he'd snatched from the kitchen at headquarters. The successors had very firmly taken away his gun privileges due to their supposed concern that he would use it to off himself or commit some other unspeakable act due to his shaky mental state, and so the best he could do in terms of protection was a rather large kitchen knife. L held said knife out in front of him with both hands, moving it back and forth as if he were staring down the barrel of a gun. Was he just being paranoid? Had there really been nothing there? But no, that couldn't be it! For a moment L's mind went to images of Kira or Beyond swooping in and murdering him where he stood. But no, Kira was in the Teito Hotel, and Beyond was in England! Rem had sworn that neither were anywhere near him, so there was no reason that they would be here unless… unless…

Had Rem betrayed him? Had she only met with him under orders from Kira, to lull him into a false sense of security so that Kira could kill him? Was it a lie that some other shinigami had ordered her to converse with L?

Another flash of movement. This time he saw the shape briefly, and he made a startling discovery.

It… it wasn't human.

A shinigami, then? Was it Ryuk, the shinigami attached to Beyond?

And then the movement flashed again, and the next moment a tiny figure was standing several feet away, completely engulfed in the shadows that ran between streetlights.

"Stop right there!" L demanded furiously. "Who are you? Why are you sneaking around at night?"

The tiny figure moved a few steps forward, and a moment later his form was bathed in light from the streetlight that rested nearly ten feet from L's position. The figure raised his head and stared up at L calmly, and the detective made a startling discovery.

It…it was a child. A very young child, perhaps seven or eight. His hair was startlingly black, and his eyes…his eyes were yellowish red, like Beyond's. He wore a simple white t-shirt and bright red shorts, but he had no shoes. The child cocked his head curiously, seemingly unfazed at the sight of a knife pointed directly at him.

"Identify yourself!" L snapped, slipping into police officer mode.

The child took a few steps forward. "I'm sorry, sir, I appear to be lost. I don't suppose you could help me figure out where I am? I have no experience with the streets around here, you see—I just moved here with my family."

L frowned suspiciously. Was he really unconcerned with a stranger threatening him with a knife? "Your identification," he reminded the child harshly.

"Yes, yes…" he trailed off, and L realized that he'd taken a few more steps forward when he wasn't looking. "Say, do you know how to get to the Teito Hotel from here?"

L, taken aback, spluttered out, "Why do you need to go there?"

"Oh…there's just an acquaintance I'd like to visit." The child smirked—that expression was far too knowing for a child of his age. "Perhaps you know him—red eyes, auburn hair, nasty, homicidal tendencies?"

L's blood ran cold.

"No? You don't know him? Let's see…perhaps I need to describe him better…"

"Why are you looking for him?" L blurted out.

The child moved one step closer. "Oh, you know…"

"No, I don't know." Step. Step. L had a feeling that he should be stopping this child somehow, but he felt as if he were suddenly entranced—no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move from under that piercing gaze. "Tell me," he demanded, trying not to sound as afraid as he was. Something about this child…he radiated power.

"You want to know why I'm looking for Kira?"

L's eyes widened at the sound of the murderer's name. "Y-yes…"

"Well, then, that's easy. I'm not."

L could have choked. "What?"

"Oh, it was just a way to get you to talk to me, a way to distract you so I could get close. You wouldn't just let me walk up to you if you didn't think I knew something about Kira. It was just a not-so-elaborate ruse."

And it had worked. L realized with a start that the child was standing directly in front of him; the tip of the knife was pressing directly into his chest, but he didn't show even the smallest sign of distress. "Then how do you know about Kira?" L asked shakily. "How do you know—?"

"Now, now," the child smirked. "Patience is a virtue. Isn't that right…Lawliet?"

Oh god… L immediately sensed danger, and thrust the knife forward as hard as he could without thinking. But before he managed to move a fraction of an inch, the knife was suddenly knocked away from him, and one of the child's tiny hands shot out to slam palm-first against L's forehead. L immediately tried to struggle, but the child pressed him harshly back against the building with inhuman strength. He was saying something, L thought, but he was too panicked to understand him. Or perhaps he just wasn't speaking English, or Japanese, or one of the other eleven languages L was proficient in. He opened his mouth, intending to call for some sort of aid—

But before he could, his lips sealed themselves shut. His eyes followed, forcing him to remain sightless as the child continued his murmurings. A sudden tugging sensation began at the nape of his neck, like a large fishing hook had snagged him and was pulling him in for slaughter.

His stomach lurched. The world blurred around him. The ground was suddenly bending around his feet, the building warping and swirling all around him. His limbs flopped limply at his sides, contorting and twisting as if he had gone boneless. He felt a strange tingling spread through his entire body, and knew that if he opened his eyes he would see that the rest of his body had gone into that odd boneless state that his extremities had reverted to.

There was a sudden swish of freezing air, pushing L's hair away from his face. The child's hand had left him. There was weightlessness. Then there was the sensation of falling.

Then a thud as he hit the ground, the impact shaking him to the bone.

Then pain.

Then nothing.

Wow, I think this may be the last chapter I have to edit heavily! I know I've said that I do a lot of editing, but just to explain how much I've changed the story before posting: in the original story, the child shinigami and the red sea were mentioned a grand total of zero times. That's right folks, every time you see a mention of either of those things (and several other things such as L's past with Beyond, all dream sequences, and conversations with Misa), know that they are only there because I edited them in the day before posting. That's a lot of work, and I do it three times a week, on top of summer reading/essays and preparations for school!

…So if you would reward me for all that work, I wouldn't mind a few reviews ;)

(Psst...do you know what series my chapter names are coming from?)