So, school has started again. I'm sure that will explain my ridiculously late update. :p No, seriously, it's my exam year, so... yeah. LOTS of homework. Anyway, this is the last chapter of 'No matter what'. :'( I hope you will enjoy.

Chapter 18. –Today

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift from God. Which is why we call it the present.

~Bill Keane

Freddie and I had fun that night. The pizzas were delicious, and the little place Freddie had picked out was very cozy. I even let Freddie pay the bill, after he insisted on doing so. We drove back home at eight PM.

When we got there, Carly was nowhere to be seen. There was a little note on the coffee table. 'Went to the movies with Gibby' I read out loud. 'Back around ten.' "Okay." Freddie said. "Would you like me to stay till she's home?" he asked.

"You really don't have to." I said, shaking my head. "O, I know. But I want to." He said. "Then, I'd like it, too." I smiled. "Good." He smirked.

We sat down on the couch, unsure of what to say. At the restaurant, we'd been able to discuss the food, the restaurant itself and even who was going to pay the bill. But at home, it was much harder to keep things breezy.

"Do you want coffee?" I asked. "Yeah, I'd like some." Freddie nodded. "I'll make some." I said. I stood up and left for the kitchen, wondering why I hadn't just told him to go home –no, I'm tired, some other time, okay?

But the knot tying my stomach had convinced me to do otherwise. I walked back into the living room, holding two steaming cups of the dark beverage. "This one's yours." I said, handing him a cup. Freddie liked his coffee with sugar only. I liked my coffee with milk only. Carly still drank only DE coffee. She couldn't stand the bitter taste of the actual stuff.

With slow, tiny sips we each drank our coffee, saying nothing, while time crawled by. "Sam?" Freddie said after a while. "Yes?" I said. "I think we need to talk." I counted the words. Six. Six harmless little words, which could be o so scary when brought together.

"Why?" I asked emotionlessly. Freddie swallowed audible. "Sam, this really isn't easy for me to bring up." He said. "And, this is quite possible the worst timing ever, too. But, I guess, no timing ever is perfect."

I felt a cold shiver sliding along my backbone. Goosebumps appeared all over my skin. I heard how Freddie took a deep breath. "Sam, I like you." He spilled. Quickly. Like when you rip off a band aid. I shook my head. "No Freddie." I whispered. "Please don't do this."

He moved closer to me and grabbed my hands. "Why not, Sam?" he asked softly. "What are you so afraid of?" I closed my eyes. "Sam, you can't just pretend this doesn't exist." He said. "I love you! I want to be with you! And I think that's what you want, too, isn't it?"

He waited for me to answer. Ten whole seconds, he waited. I know because I counted. And I waited. "Well, isn't it?" he whispered. I shook my head again. "Freddie, just, please don't do this." I begged. "Why?" he asked. "Why not? If you just give me one reason why I should back off, I will." He said.

"If it's because you don't love me back, tell me. I'll go away. If it's because you're not ready right now, because there's so much going on, tell me. I'll wait. But if it's just because you're afraid… Then, no. I just can't accept that." Tears had appeared in his eyes as well.

I wished I could say that I didn't love him. That I could give him a reason to leave, and never come back. But I couldn't. I tried to say it. But I couldn't. My mouth wouldn't open. My voice wouldn't speak. Nothing. Just one look in his eyes made me incapable of lying. I just couldn't.

"I do love you Freddie." I whispered. I felt myself getting sick, but I didn't stop. Not now. "I really do. But I can't. I just can't, okay?" I said. "Then tell me why." Freddie said determinedly. I tried to speak. I really did. I tried to tell him.

I wanted to say that, yes, I was afraid. I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for him. That he'd get sick of me. I was afraid to get attached to him. That he'd hurt me. That he'd leave me, someday. And that I wouldn't be able to handle that. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that.

But I couldn't. I couldn't speak, or move, or do anything, really. My body just refused to cooperate. So I cried. I cried my eyeballs out. I cried till I had no more tears to cry.

Freddie carefully wrapped his arms around me. When I didn't stop him, -I didn't know how to stop him- he pulled me in his lap. I rested my head against his chest. This was wrong. This was all wrong. This wasn't what was supposed to happen at all.

But I couldn't stop it anymore.

Slowly, my tears ran dry. And, slowly, I calmed down again. Freddie stroke my hair. "Just, what are you so afraid of, Sam?" he whispered. And I decided to tell him.

"I loved Melanie, and she left me. I loved my mom, and she hurt me. How can I know that won't happen to you?"

Freddie sighed. "You can't." he said. "I can't promise you that I'm not going anywhere –as much as I would want to. I could die tomorrow. Or I could live another seventy years. I don't know. But as long as I can, I'll stay. I can't promise you that I'll never hurt you, either –as much as that would hurt me, too.

"But, if I ever do, I'll move heaven and earth to make it up to you. No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow. That's why we live today. And, today, we're together and we love each other. Let's make the most of that."

And, in my heart, I knew that he was right. I loved Freddie. And he loved me back. I couldn't throw that away out of fear I'd someday lose it.

I decided that I'd never again waste such precious time. I turned my head sideways, and kissed Freddie. Within seconds, we had to stop tough. We were both smiling to widely to continue. I laid my head on his shoulder, while he held his arms safely wrapped around my body.

"I love you Sam." He said. "I love you too, Freddie." I said.

And I knew that it wasn't over. It wasn't alright. My life was still a mess. And I still had no idea what tomorrow would bring me. I didn't know if my mom would die, and leave me behind. Or -if she'd live- if she would hurt me again. I didn't know if Freddie would stay with me forever –or anyone who I loved, really.

But I also knew that that didn't matter. Because whatever was happening now, or ever would happen in the future, I could be happy anyway. Because I had no other choice as to live today. And today good things were happening, too –despite of all the nasty things that were happening.

And I knew that they still would, every today yet to come.

I was done pretending to be.

I was happy.

I realize this is not the end of Sam's story. But it is the end of the part I'm writing down.

There are still a lot of problem's in her life that haven't been solved yet. Like her mom, her insecurities, her fears. Her story isn't by far over yet. But things are going the right way. And I would like to leave it at that.

I hope you enjoyed reading 'No matter what'. I know I enjoyed writing it. And a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, followed, favorited, or even just read. It means a lot to me.

The end.