4. Unresolved

Elliot stared at her and she could see the wheels turning in his head once again. He tilted his head and she had to look away. She felt like he was looking straight into her soul. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke again.

"You don't know what you were to me. Do you realize how much that means? How much you've just told me?"

Olivia looked at him hesitantly and she could see he was dead serious.

"I mean, you could have said we were partners. Friends. Lovers even?"

Her stomach clenched. He wasn't joking, just staring at her.

"But saying you don't know after all those years ... that is telling. And painful."

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek and looked down at her hands. Was he going deep and analytical on her now? That wasn't very much like the Elliot she'd known. And he wasn't done.

"I have spent the last few years observing people. Trying to find out what makes them tick while trying to find out what makes me tick. I've got a nice pension. Kathy and most of the kids are doing their own thing now, so I can afford to just observe life. And I think I've become a pretty good judge of character."

Elliot chuckled to himself.

"Well, maybe I was that before, I wouldn't know. But what I'm saying is, if you can't tell me what you were to someone you worked with for over a decade, that means there are things between us that are unresolved. Am I right?"

Olivia wanted to scream. Her eyes had gone wide and she couldn't believe what Elliot was saying. He was Elliot and he wasn't. He was dissecting her skillfully but without all the heated tension that used to hang between them. Unresolved issues indeed. And she couldn't stop him. Not this time because he didn't remember her and he hadn't abandoned her. There was no reason to lash out at him and she felt deflated. And at the same time, she wanted to scream.

"I can feel something between us," Elliot continued, hacking away at her heart relentlessly, "and I want you to tell me what it is."

Olivia stood up abruptly and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and she didn't see much, but she couldn't sit so close to Elliot right now. He wanted her to tell him something she didn't understand herself. What could she say?

"We were never lovers," she settled on and she had spoken so softly that she wondered if he'd even heard her. But he had.

"Why not?"

The question startled her and she spun around to look at him.

"You were married El," she said without thinking. It had been her only answer for so long that it just came out instantly.

Elliot just looked at her, tilting his head again.

"El," he said and she realized she had used his nickname.

She shrugged. How could she explain that to him?

"And if I hadn't been?"

She was trembling inside. They had never, ever addressed this topic. And with good reason. It was dangerous. They didn't go there because it could only end in disaster. Only they weren't partners now, and he wasn't married apparently, and he didn't remember the boundaries they had erected between their hearts and their bodies. She shook her head slowly, folding her arms in front of her chest to keep herself from shaking.

"You were."

Elliot looked at the blanket covering most of his body and wiggled his toes. She wondered if he was in pain from his injuries. She could tell he was a little drowsy but his mind seemed to be clear nonetheless.

"Again, you're telling me so much by not saying anything."

She was almost getting annoyed with this philosophical version of her old partner.

"Well, since you seem to know everything these days, why don't you tell me what's between us!"

She had spoken fast and a little agitatedly, and wanted to apologize almost immediately. She couldn't treat Elliot like she had in the past. He wasn't himself. At least not the person she had known all those years. But she didn't apologize because he was smiling at her. And his smile could still turn her to mush in an instant.

"Was I as headstrong as you are?" he asked her, and she couldn't help but laugh at the question.

"And then some."

"That would explain a lot, I guess."

Olivia finally sat down in the chair again. She was feeling wobbly and thought it might be wise to try and get some sleep. She hadn't been hurt badly in the crash but her body was still somewhat in shock. And seeing Elliot again so unexpectedly wasn't helping either. The new and improved Elliot. If she could consider this kind, balanced and thoughtful version of her beloved hothead an improvement.

Elliot wiggled his toes again, watching the movement of his blanket attentively.

"Are you in pain?" she asked him.

"A little," he admitted. "But mostly, my left foot is going numb."

Olivia stood up and moved the blanket off his feet. His left leg was in a cast but his toes were sticking out. She touched them gingerly with her fingers and looked at Elliot for a reaction. He just shrugged. She touched his right foot then, and he nodded.

"I'll get the nurse," Olivia said, and she started walking off before Elliot could object.

She found the male nurse that had taken her to Elliot's room and asked him to come with her to check on Elliot's leg and foot. The nurse called the doctor in and Olivia waited by the window to hear what their conclusion was. She heard them talking about vascular damage and blood thinners and watched the nurse readjust Elliot's bed so he was almost flat on his back again. When the doctor left, she asked the nurse,

"Will he be alright?"

"I expect he will, miss. This isn't uncommon when a hip and leg have both been broken. He will need to rest now though, so ..."

"Oh, I see," she said quickly and she glanced at Elliot.

She moved closer to his face until he could see her and told him,

"I'm going to go now. You need to sleep."

He did look exhausted now, and she wondered if he'd put on a brave face while they had been talking.

"Come again tomorrow?" Elliot asked hopefully. "To finish our conversation?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to finish that particular conversation and her first instinct was to run. But the pleading look in his eyes struck her. He might pretend to be this wise, observant and friendly giant, but deep down, he was still desperately trying to find himself again. And he needed her to do that. Their connection hadn't been wiped out completely. And while that scared the shit out of her, she couldn't abandon him now. And so she nodded.

"I'll check in with you in the morning."

"Thank you."

"G'night El."

She turned around and started leaving the room when she heard him answer,

"G'night Liv."

...

Dun dun.