Welcome to chapter twenty-six! To my lovely reviewers: I want to say something, I want to answer all of you, but I can't! Saying anything will give it all away! So thanks for reviewing, but you'll just have to read to find out where this is all going ;) (Also, check out that badass foreshadow-y chapter name! Hell yeah!)
This is the point in the story where I tell you that this is not the last chapter. There are twenty-eight chapters in all, which means there are still two more after this one. So before you get all mad at me because of this chapter, remember that there are still two left. Seriously. Chill.
Warning: severe drama and cheesiness ahead.
Chapter 26: Spirits in the Stars
The resounding crack of the gun filled the clearing, and for a moment, everything was still.
The Shinigami King stood facing L, his hand firmly clasped to Kira's forehead. Kira's eyes were firmly shut, his lips slightly parted. And in the dead center of the back of his head…
There was a bullet hole.
The Shinigami King's gaze remained firmly on L. The detective stared desperately back, a question in his eyes. Did I do it? He asked silently. Did I save Light?
The King's eyes shimmered, and if L didn't know better, he would have said that he was amused. But he didn't answer his question. Instead, the King removed his palm from Kira's forehead and stepped back. "It is done," he said simply, and L wanted to scream, what is done? What did you do? But he didn't, and in the next moment the King was gone.
"Light?" L asked shakily, his legs wobbling as he moved forward. His head…now that his adrenaline was beginning to die away, swiftly flooding with fear in its absence, his head was beginning to hurt more and more. His shoulder throbbed, his ribs ached…his whole body felt as if he'd been put through a meat grinder. And Light…the teen was still standing in the exact same place, blood dripping from the hole in the back of his head, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. "Light, can you hear me?"
The teen was still for a moment more. Then he turned, eyes still closed, and faced L. One hand reached up and rubbed over the hole in the back of his head. When his fingers drew away, they were bloody. But unlike if he had been shot with a real bullet, Kira (Light?) didn't collapse, didn't die immediately as the bullet tore through his brain.
L stayed back, not wanting to be near the boy if the bullet hadn't worked, if he was about to turn into a shinigami. After all, L and the Shinigami King had struck at the same time. Either one of them could have reached Kira first.
And then the teen's eyes opened, and L knew that he had made a terrible mistake.
His eyes were red.
Kira stood stalk still for a moment, clearly assessing the damage to his body. Then his eyes met L's and he grinned toothily. "It seems…" he whispered, raising his bloodied fingers to wipe them on his shirt, "…that you failed, L Lawliet."
L supposed that he should have cared that the monster had just told the task force and the successors his real name. But he knew that if Kira had won, he was going to be dead in a few minutes anyways. And Light…
L's eyes were drawn to Kira as he suddenly gasped, hunching over with his arms wrapped around himself. The scarlet-haired teen cried out, and a crimson haze began to build around him thickly. "Light…?" L whispered, though he knew that he had failed, that Kira was becoming a shinigami, that Light was going to die…
Something moved beneath Kira's shirt. Something was shifting about on his back, expanding, pressing against the fabric. For a moment L was confused, until he remembered that shinigami had to fly, and thus they needed wings. The thought both horrified and intrigued him.
The two appendages sprouting from Kira's back were straining forcefully against his shirt. The fabric was struggling to contain the swiftly growing wings, but it was clearly no use. It was only a few seconds more before the fabric split under the terrific force being applied, and Kira's shirt fell off him in shreds.
The clearing was suddenly silent, and L realized abruptly that Kira had been screaming the whole time.
The god fell to his hands and knees, chest heaving, hair hanging limply in his face. The red aura was still gathering around him consuming his entire form as it accumulated. In moments Kira was no longer visible. The only hint that he was still present beneath the fog was the soft cries and flashes of movement that came from within. L began to move forward, then halted. He had no idea if that mist would hurt him.
"L, get away from there!"
L barely heard Matt's cry.
"Yeah, come on, L!" Mello broke in. "That stuff's supernatural, you can't get near it! Who knows what'll happen to you?"
"Who knows what will happen to Light," L corrected softly, far too softly for the successors to hear. He took a mindless step forward, ignoring his strong suspicion that this aura wasn't friendly. His fingers reached out towards the cocoon of scarlet.
His fingertips had barely brushed the aura when it happened.
A loud boom thundered through the clearing, a sound that greatly resembled the explosion of a hand grenade. And as the sound reverberated in L's ears, he felt a sudden blast of energy that threw him to the ground. The scarlet aura surrounding Kira dispersed suddenly, scattered across the forest floor and seeping into the leaves. Within seconds the mist was gone, leaving behind…
A god.
L stared slack-jawed at the being standing before him. He… was beautiful. No, beautiful wasn't the right word…nor was gorgeous, heavenly, elegant… there was no word strong enough to describe the ethereal, angelic appearance of the shinigami before him. Kira's physical form was different, yes, but he wasn't like Rem or Ryuk. No, he was very much like his former self, but the subtle changes were enough to make him stunningly beautiful. His hair, still that shocking shade of red, was glossy and sleek, every strand perfectly in place. His eyes shimmered with not only scarlet, but with a ring of yellow. Shinigami eyes. The cut on his cheek had been completely healed, and all of his skin was colored a healthy shade of honey, practically glowing in its cleanliness. His shirt was completely gone, the shreds lying scattered across the forest floor. His muscles were defined in sharp, neat lines, and it was all L could do to look away from them. His slacks were perfectly clean, shoes polished flawlessly. And his wings!
The most noticeable change could be found in his massive, looming wings. They weren't bat-like like the wings of Rem, nor were they crow-like in a way similar to Ryuk. No… they were more akin to angel's wings. Iridescent and luminous, the two appendages were pristine in their crisp whiteness, each feather perfectly shaped and in its proper place. Kira extended the wings, flapping them once experimentally. Then he turned his dark gaze on L, and the smile he gave him nearly knocked the detective off his feet. His teeth, which had been perfect before, had been almost impossibly improved, just like the rest of him.
"Lawliet," Kira spoke, and his voice was like velvet. "Do you like it? Do you like what has become of your precious Light?"
L's voice caught in his throat, and he couldn't help but think that if this were Light, he would be very much pleased with the transformation. But a slight shake of his head cleared those despicable thoughts, and he managed a glare in Kira's direction. "I suppose I have failed, then?" His voice cracked as he spoke, and he cursed it.
Kira laughed, throwing his head back. "I am sorry, my dear Lawliet, but you have. I can feel him dying…"
L's heart twisted with pain. "Then I suppose you will kill me now." His voice was flat, lifeless. He had failed. The reality had yet to sink in. The reality that Light Yagami was surely dying within Kira.
Kira tilted his head to one side, and the look on his face was nothing short of godly. His wings fluttered restlessly behind him. "I suppose the time has come." He took a step forward, and the breeze that suddenly filled the clearing seemed to come from the god himself, radiating outwards in what L suspected was a surge of power. Kira walked steadily, pausing for a moment when he reached Beyond, who was still leaning breathlessly against one of the trees not occupied by a member of the task force.
"You've done it!" Beyond managed, arm still clutched to his chest. His eyes shimmered with stunned disbelief, his expression devoid of its usual arrogance. "You've become a god!"
"Beyond…" Kira murmured. He snapped an arm outwards and pulled the older male into a kiss that lasted only a few moments, but left Beyond gasping nonetheless. "This is the beginning of a new world," he whispered in the murderer's ear. "After this, we will work together to rid the world of filth."
Beyond nodded breathlessly. "Yes, Kira!"
Kira moved away from Beyond and continued his advance on L. The detective told himself to retreat, to run away from the god bearing down upon him. But his feet wouldn't move. What was the point? Kira would kill him no matter what. And now that Light was gone, why did L even want to continue? There was no hope. No reason to go on. And so as Kira approached, L held his ground and clenched his teeth, squaring his shoulders.
Kira was inches from him now. The monster reached out a hand and cupped L's jaw. "Lawliet," he whispered. "I long to tear you apart with my bare hands, but… as a shinigami, I am forbidden from harming a human by means other than the Death Note. So…" The teen held up the notebook, which had seemingly appeared from nowhere. He flipped it open and produced a pen, pressing the inky utensil to the crisp paper. "What?" he purred, noticing L's stony expression. "Not afraid to die?"
"If it is truly over, then I have no reason to fight you," L growled.
Kira looked almost disappointed at that. But he simply shrugged, shaking his head. "Very well, Lawliet. It seems that I have no choice but to—"
Kira's voice suddenly faltered and died in his throat, his eyes growing impossibly wide. His lips parted, and a soft gasp left them. The Death Note fell from his fingers, the pen dropping to rest on the leafy forest floor beside it.
"Kira?" L asked, curious. "What has occurred?"
The god didn't respond. Instead he staggered backwards, chest heaving, soft cries leaving his lips. He hunched over, arms wrapping around himself, those faint cries escalating into a single, ear-piercing scream. He struggled to take a step towards L, but his legs shook violently beneath him, and a heartbeat later he was forced to stop to keep himself upright. Fingers twisted in his hair, tugging harshly. "Stop…" he gasped out, the scream dying in his throat. "Stop, stop, stop…"
Now L was growing concerned. He inched forward, halting in his tracks when Kira's head snapped up, those reddish yellow eyes locking onto his with a glare filled with unfathomable fury.
"You!" Kira gasped out, all his anger lost in the pained tone of his voice. "You did this! What did you do?" Then his legs gave out, and the god collapsed flat on his face.
L stared. Then his eyes widened to a state much like Kira's. For there, on the back of the god's head, was the bullet hole… and it was still bleeding. L gaped. Any shinigami would have stopped bleeding and healed the wound automatically by now. But that wound, the wound inflicted by the life-giving bullet, was still bleeding, and the flow was growing faster and faster.
"Kira!" Beyond cried out, scrambling forward on unsteady legs. His features twisted painfully as his broken arm was jarred.
Kira managed to prop himself up on one elbow, raising his head to scream at Beyond, "Stay where you are! Don't come a step closer, no matter what!"
Beyond's eyes flashed with confusion, and he attempted, "But Kira!"
"I gave you an order, Beyond!" Kira roared in response, his body convulsing weakly on the ground as his arm slipped from under him. He choked, "If you take one step closer, I'll kill you! I'll kill you, Beyond!" But his venom was somewhat lost in the leaves muffling his voice.
L couldn't keep his eyes off the god. He dropped to his knees in an almost mechanical movement and crawled to Kira's side. The god was coughing and hacking, cheek pressed into the leafy ground. L's fingers found the bullet hole, and he gently pressed on the area. Kira's screech of pain was immediate. One of his hands flew out behind him in an attempt to strike L, but the detective caught the blow with ease.
L slipped his hands beneath Kira and rolled him onto his back. The god's body was shaking and twitching violently now, his eyes glazed and rolling back in his head. Was this… the bullet? Working? A spike of joy sprang up in L's heart, but he crushed it swiftly for fear of getting his hopes up. Instead he shot a glance at Beyond, who was standing uneasily at the edge of the clearing, no doubt adhering to Kira's death threat, then slipped his hands across Kira's chest. His heart was pounding swiftly.
Wait—his heart?
L dropped his head to listen to the frantic beat. Yes… that was his heart! Kira was still partly human! A picture of the situation was quickly developing in L's mind. The King had planned it this way, oh yes—at the exact moment the bullet struck Kira's head, the King had started the process of turning the teen into a shinigami. And seeing as that was definitely the case, Kira's ascension to godhood had been halted mid-way. He still had human elements—which meant that Light could still be alive!
L's heart dropped into his stomach. Oh god, how was he going to purge Kira now? Was there even still a chance? Would the memory-erasing properties of the bullet even work? L's fingertips brushed across Kira's face as he thought. The god's eyes flickered open and closed repeatedly, the scarlet dull and hazy. Kira was attempting to speak, his lips moving without sound. And then, in a moment of startling clarity, Kira spoke—and nothing could have prepared L for what happened next.
"L…" the teen rasped weakly. But it wasn't in a malicious tone. It sounded almost innocent, almost pure, like—
Like Light.
"Light?" L cried, shaking the teen lightly. "Light, is that you? Can you hear me?" He echoed his earlier words, this time with far more hope.
The god thrashed weakly for a moment more, and then his eyes opened wide, and the color within them was not the muddy scarlet that signified Kira, but the clear, clean mahogany that meant that Light was here, that Light was in control! L's heart skipped a beat. "Light!"
Light looked up at him, his expression nothing short of agonized, and L was suddenly reminded of how the teen had felt when he was battling Kira back at headquarters. He remembered the pained spasms, the soft cries, the way Light had clutched at his lover's shirt and buried his head in his shoulder. L couldn't watch him go through that again.
"L," Light repeated, his voice strained. "L, I—"
"No!" Light cut himself off, and then the amber gleam in his eyes was gone, replaced with the cruel crimson. "I will not let you ruin this, Light Yagami!"
Kira began kicking at L, and the detective swiftly threw himself over the teen to restrain him. He had no idea what was going on—the bullet was supposed to remove all memories of Kira, but Light seemed completely aware of his darker half…had being struck mid-transformation changed something? Or was Light's momentary control due to the slow destruction of his memories? Brought back to his senses by Kira's struggling, L straddled his waist and cupped his face between his hands. He forced the teen to look directly into his eyes. "Light," he whispered, his voice almost entirely drowned out by Kira's enraged screeching. "Light, please… come back to me!"
Amber returned for a heartbeat, but was swiftly replaced by scarlet. Then the amber was back, and gone again a moment later. Light's eyes became a muddy mix of brown and red, mahogany and crimson, swirled around each other and fighting for dominance. L could only hope that as time passed, more and more of Kira was vanishing along with all memories of the Death Note. But it was too good to be true—the Shinigami King had said that a shinigami's memories of the Death Note could not be erased. So would some of Light's memories be left untouched…?
L had no idea what was going to happen, and it terrified him.
"L, I've m-missed—" Light attempted to speak again, and was cut off. But his message carried on to L, bringing tears to the detective's eyes.
"I… I've missed you too!" he choked out, pushing down his doubt so Light wouldn't see just how terrified he really was. "Just hang on, Light!" One of his hands found Light's, and he laced their fingers. "Don't let go!"
The teen gazed at him through a mixture of auburn and rubicund, managing a short nod through the spasms shaking his form. His eyes forced themselves shut suddenly, and Light's back arched off the ground as he screamed.
Kira was back. The monster roared, "You fool, L! You've ruined everything!" The teen panted momentarily, not giving L a chance to respond before his next outburst. "Now I'm going to have to fix your mess! I'll find Light and kill him once and for all!"
"You can't kill him," L said immediately, his voice low and dark. Could…could Kira kill Light? Even now, now that he'd been struck by the bullet? It was possible—L was swimming in uncharted waters, so to speak. He had no idea what was going to happen, or how the bullet would function in this scenario. Maybe it would do something entirely other than it was supposed to.
Kira's fists were clenched, and dribbles of blood were beginning to leak from where his nails had sliced into his perfect skin. His eyes locked onto L's. "Oh, really?" He could barely form words through the evident pain. "I suppose we'll see, Lawliet!" Then the god laughed, an ugly sneer on his face.
That expression made L afraid. It made him feel stupid, as if he were missing something incredibly obvious, right under his nose. What was Kira up to? "What are you up to?" he asked, speaking his mind.
All he got was the gleam of white teeth. Then Kira's expression suddenly dropped, his entire face going lax. The limpness swiftly spread through his entire body. His limbs fell completely still, his back loosely hit the ground, his head lolled on his shoulders. The god fell back against the ground, all signs of consciousness gone.
"Light?" L asked fearfully. He reached up and caressed the god's cheek. "Come back…" His eyes darted up as he caught a flash of movement. Beyond had moved closer by a few feet. He was now standing a few feet away from the great oak, where L and Light were located. "Stay back!" he ordered. And though Beyond shot him a nasty glare, the murderer obeyed. No doubt he was still paying heed to Kira's orders to come no closer.
L's gaze dropped back to Light. His expression was completely devoid of emotion, his entire body limp in L's grasp. The detective steadily pulled his lover's head into his lap, twisting his fingers in scarlet strands.
He didn't know what had just happened, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to be good.
†††
I was floating.
I wasn't sure how long I had been floating, but I knew that it had to have been for years. Perhaps millennia had passed in this comfortable lull, this perpetual state of nothingness that curled around me and clung to my limbs. I had no way to count the time. All I knew was that I was floating along, moving, though it was slow, through a curtain of black. But it hadn't always been black, I knew. For a few days—months?—in the beginning, the world around me had been red. I'd been in the cave…the child shinigami had hauled me out of the red sea and left me in the cave, telling me that I was just going to have to sit there until it was time for me to fight back…but that had been a long time ago. Had I fallen asleep? Or had the world around me literally gone black? Ah, yes, that was it…so, so long ago, the world around me had faded, as if someone had flicked a switch. In the beginning I'd fought with all my strength, thrashing about, kicking out at nothing, eyes locked on the darkness. But staring into the endless blackness was the just the same as having my eyes closed, and so eventually I just closed them as not to remind myself of where I was. I didn't want to remember that I was in that awful cave, that horrible place devoid of mental stimulation. I wasn't sure how long I'd struggled, but it couldn't have been for long. Soon I began to feel tired—no, exhausted. And not long after that I'd realized how useless it was to continue fighting the haze of sleep, and my fingers and toes had stopped moving. Next had gone my arms, then my legs, then my torso and head, and finally, even my brain had ceased its struggle. I couldn't recall the last coherent thought that passed through my lax mind. I think I knew, somewhere deep inside my failing mind, that the darkness was lulling me into submission, that it was not to be trusted. I think that I knew it was evil. And most of all, I think that I knew I was going insane. I think I knew that the darkness was all in my head, so to speak, and that I was slowly losing my grip on reality. But I was too slow to stop it, and the instant those inky fingers sunk into my brain, it was over. The numbness spread through me like a disease.
Sometimes I saw things, though.
Not hallucinations. Not visions. Actually, I suppose one might call them visions… What I saw were flashes of what was going on around me in the real world, the things that Kira was doing with my body. The child shinigami had told me that if I could concentrate, focus all my energy on seeing what Kira was doing, I would be able to do just that—watch what Kira was up to, just as he'd watched me. But though I tried that at first, I soon found that it was so much easier, so much more calming, to simply lie there and wait. But that didn't stop me from seeing flashes of what was going on. There were a lot of them at first, back when I was still struggling with all my might. I saw Kira lying with Beyond in the bed they shared, speaking with each other about their plans. I saw Kira writing names in the Death Note, names that didn't belong—the names of innocents. Then lots of smaller visions, of Kira looking in the mirror, of Kira sleeping, of Kira staring blankly at a wall, puzzling over what to do next. But whenever I looked for too long, whenever I found the energy to pry just a bit deeper, Kira's hand descended upon me and caused me pain, so much pain… It became easier to hide, to float carelessly through the fog that I knew was a product of my creeping insanity.
Eventually, I saw L through the webcam, and heard what Kira was saying to him; it was the first clear memory I'd had in what felt like months. Maybe it actually was months. It was hard to tell, submerged in the sensory deprivation tank that had become my mind.
The sight of L that day, or night, drove me insane—insane, that is, in a less literal way than what was becoming normal. It reminded me, if only for a moment, what I was fighting for. As much as it horrified me, I had almost forgotten why I was alive. My entire world had gone black, and then L's eyes—dark though they may have been—cast a ray of light down upon me, piercing through the inky black space around me and shaking me from my stupor. But as beautiful as that moment of clarity had been, it hadn't lasted for long—all it took were a few days, a few hours even, and I slipped right back to sleep.
Then there was the Shinigami King. Oh yes, that I did remember. I remembered how betrayed I'd felt when I realized just who the child shinigami was, and just what his motives were. I heard him say that Kira was going to turn himself into a shinigami, thus killing me. But by that point I had already slipped away again, and I couldn't bring myself to care.
As the days progressed, I had fewer and fewer memories. Fewer visions of the real world came my way, and I spent my time thinking and doing nothing. I floated on and on, and didn't care where the tides of darkness took me. My eyes were still closed. Save for in the visions, I hadn't opened them once. I felt my muscles weakening from disuse. It was funny… almost like when L had restrained me before this whole mess started.
L… there was that name again. What did it mean?
…I couldn't remember.
I was all but dead. But then, just as I was nearing death, I heard something. I heard something for the first time since Kira took over. I heard someone's voice screaming to me, and then there was pain.
I knew without seeing that I had been shot. I could feel the hole in the back of my mind, could feel the blood seeping from my head. I had been shot, and the thought was comforting. Perhaps I would die, and all this would end. Although, my understanding of what "this" was wasn't quite up to speed. My mind still felt as if it were stuffed with cotton.
"Light! Light, can you hear me?"
I recognized that voice…was it this "L" character that I was so hung up on? I frowned, and realized that it was the first movement I'd made in what felt like years. My face ached from the simple stretching of muscles. It was much easier to let myself fall limp once again, so I did so. But then I heard the voice again.
"Light!"
And again.
"Light!"
I groaned. The voice was getting annoying. Couldn't it just let me sleep?
You've been sleeping long enough, Light. It's time to wake up!
For a few long moments I was confused. Wake up? I was asleep? What…?
But then something sparked in my mind. I felt something stirring within my chest at the sound of that voice, and that name—L—raced to the forefront of my thoughts. That was L calling me! L, the man I loved! How…how had I forgotten? I tensed my whole body in an attempt to move, and managed a slight wiggle of my fingers and toes. My mind began to race. I nearly gasped as I realized the extent of the fog clouding my thoughts. It was subduing me, keeping me from thinking in anything above basic patterns! I struggled against that fog, feeling great satisfaction when it lifted enough for me to realize what was going on. With a start, I remembered Kira's plan to become a shinigami. That must be what was going on! I wrenched at my arms and legs, forcing them to move under what felt like millions of pounds. The darkness bore down upon me, locking me into place.
Why do you care? It whispered. Just sleep, little one… rest and all will be well when you awaken.
Awaken? I spat back silently. I'm not going to awaken, damn it! Not if you keep me here!
And then I really did gasp as I realized the extent of those words. I… wasn't going to wake up! No, that couldn't be… I had to see L! My mind was clearing now. I screamed silently as I freed myself of the darkness, prying its fingers from my mind and body. I sat up with a loud screech, my hands shooting to my eyes and rubbing furiously.
And then, for the first time in forever, I opened my eyes… and gasped.
The world around me was no longer black. It was red, just as it had been before I'd fallen asleep…but something was wrong. And that something just so happened to be the copious amount of water filling the cave I was lying in. It was the same cave as before, the same cave the child shinigami—no, the Shinigami King had dropped me in. But somehow, sometime when I was asleep, water had flooded into the cavern, swirling around me and submerging me almost entirely. I touched my lips and felt that they were dry. The same could be said of my nose, my forehead, my cheeks…the water hadn't covered my face. I was still able to breathe. I remembered with a start what the Shinigami King had said about the water—if you fall back in, it'll slowly kill you. It could take months, it could take days. What matters is that if you stay in the stuff for too long, your whole body will shut down. It'll lull you to sleep, and you won't wake up.
It'll lull you to sleep…I realized with horror that that was exactly what had happened. The world going dark around me…it must have been the water. It had flooded into the cave when I wasn't looking, filling it to an amount just low enough so that I could still breathe. If the water level had risen any further, if I'd woken up any later…I'd be dead.
And with that, I realized that the water level was rising, even now. And if I didn't get out of the cave, now, then I really would die. I lurched to my feet, wincing as I put weight on my legs for the first time in forever. My muscles felt like jelly; the water was reaching up with invisible fingers, struggling to pull me back down. But I fought through the stuff, sloshing towards the cave exit—the place the Shinigami King had told me never to go, for the red sea would simply reach out and suck me back in if I dared to get close. My fingers latched onto the wall beside the hole leading to the outside world, and I paused just long enough to regain my breath. And then, preparing myself for the endless sea of red just outside the grotto, I leaned forward, slipped just my head outside, and—
Oh.
What…what was this?
The world around me…it was red, but it…wasn't.
The red sea, the sea that had haunted me for so long, was infested with bluish silver. The red was diluted with said silver, the two colors swirling and clashing, waves growing larger and larger, water churning more and more violently. As my eyes darted upwards I saw that the sky was much the same way—red, just like before, but with streaks of silver cutting across, bleeding outwards, turning certain areas a light, metallic pink. And were those trees, jutting upwards from the chaotic surface of the water? Dark, silver, trees?
When had this gotten here? What was it, and how long had I been blind to it?
And then there was a voice.
"Light, please come back to me!"
"L!" I cried out, my voice raspy and weak after months of disuse. I wasn't sure if I had control of my own body, but it was still comforting to hear the name of my lover spoken aloud in my own voice. "L…"
I felt a sharp pain clutch my mind. I felt as if something was being forcibly removed from my brain, as if some terrible poison had entangled its threads through my mind and was now being yanked free. I thought briefly that this was Kira attacking me, but no… this was different. This was a different pain.
"Light!"
One more time, the voice sounded. And then I saw him.
L was crouching over me, his face inches from mine, and I suddenly realized that somehow I was lying on my back again. And I saw him, not in a memory, not in an image conjured by lies, but right in front of me. Real. I clenched my fingers, and they closed firmly around his hand. He was really here, kneeling over me!
"Light, can you hear me?"
They were an echo of the words I'd heard inside my mind, but they sounded much more real now. My ears ached as they readjusted to hearing something other than my own thoughts. "L!" I gasped out. "L, I—"
His hands gripped my shoulders tightly, as if he were afraid I was going to disappear. And then I did disappear, if only for a moment, as I felt Kira pierce his talons into my mind and take control, and for a heartbeat I was thrown back into that silver-streaked darkness. When I clawed my way back to L his eyes were watering, and I doubted that he even knew it was happening.
"L," I managed weakly. "I-I've missed—" My voice failed me again.
A drop of salty liquid splashed onto my cheek. "I've missed you too, Light," he whispered. His grip tightened impossibly.
My vision flickered back to darkness again. I barely heard L cry, "Light, hang on! Don't let go!" I felt him squeeze my fingers, and I managed a faint squeeze back. But Kira was fighting me, and for a moment I imagined I was lying in bed with L, struggling to keep Kira at bay, just like I'd been before this whole mess began. Then I was thrown back into reality, and I heard Kira howling. He swore to destroy me, to find me and end me, that it was all L's fault… and I understood.
The bullet… it had pierced my skull mid-transformation. I was half Light half Kira, half human half shinigami. The bullet was helping me fight Kira, yes, but was that all it was doing? It was meant to destroy memories, I knew…so which ones would it go after? Had it already begun destroying my memories? I realized suddenly that it was—holes were appearing, widening, and parts of my mind were fraying under the strain.
And then my vision went completely dark. I knew immediately that I had lost consciousness in the world above, and had been returned to the silver-streaked reality of my own mind. And sure enough, when my eyes snapped open, I was standing in the cave entrance, staring out over the silvery red water. More and more land was appearing, more and more trees were sprouting forth from the conflicted water, and I knew that if there was a time in which I could leave the grotto, it was now. I hesitantly tested the water with the toe of one shoe, and was immediately stunned to feel solid land beneath my foot. The water…I looked closer, and let out an audible gasp when I saw that it was only about six inches deep, giving way to soaked grass and leaves. And as I watched, that water was sinking further and further into the waterlogged earth. I immediately set one foot on it, and when it held, I began to move away from the grotto, eyes searching the colorful darkness.
"Kira!" I yelled, relieved to find more and more of my strength returning as I moved. "Show yourself, monster!"
There was a roar through the silence. Then something moved, and my eyes were drawn to a figure writhing on the ground a few feet from me, previously covered by the water. A mirror image of myself bathed in red, a carbon copy made of scarlet, twitched and screamed on the ground, flinging droplets of retreating water up into the air. Those red eyes snapped open and glared at me, a monster's eyes in the face of a human. Kira.
"Light Yagami, you bastard!" Kira screamed, hauling himself to his feet, staggering slightly. "I'll kill you for this!" As he moved I saw that tiny particles of what could only be described as starlight were eating away at him, the flickers of white flame nibbling at his clothing, his skin, his hair. His scarlet form was disappearing bit by bit, and at the rate he was going he would last much longer before the last particle flaked away. I suddenly had a horrible thought, and looked down at my own body.
Oh god…
I was made of moonlight. My whole form was made of silvery light, just as Kira's was made of scarlet. My entire form was so silver that it glowed slightly blue, all traces of the previous red gone from my body by some miracle that I didn't dare question. And just like Kira, I was disappearing. Tiny particles of starlight were eating away at my body, and as I watched, bit by bit, I was dissipating. In a short while I would be gone, just like Kira.
"The bullet," Kira snarled furiously, still stalking towards me. "That damned bullet hit us mid-transformation, halting it when we were still part human! That bastard L ruined everything! Now the bullet doesn't know whose memories to destroy, or what to do, and it's going after both of us!
My eyes widened as I understood. The tiny particles of starlight…they were fragments of the bullet. And those particles flaking away from us…they were our memories. The bullet had been designed to eliminate only one of two personas via the erasing of my memories, and now it was faced with four, and two of them weren't even human. It was confused, and picking off memories at random. If this went on, it was just as likely that I would be the one forgotten. Raising a hand to watch the particles float away, I said aloud, "It's eating away at our human personas."
"It's eating away at all of us!" Kira screamed. "It's killing us all! Shinigami, human, Light, Kira, it doesn't care! It's defaulted to erasing everything in sight, and we're directly in its field of vision!"
I paled. So this was it, then. I would die with Kira. As far as deaths went, it wasn't so bad. Dying alongside a monster so that said monster couldn't harm anyone else.
"This is all your fault, you bastard!" Kira went on, his voice raised in a frightening screech. He launched himself at me without warning, pinning me to the ground that had just formed beneath me. My fingers raked through silvery red blades of grass, and suddenly the colors—silver, red, everything—began to vanish.
As Kira screamed obscenities, all I could see were the trees around me. Each tree was outlined with moonlight made of the same silvery stuff that I was. But as I watched, that silver began to turn to black. That dead, nasty color spread down the trunk of each tree, and began to creep across the grass. The blades, swiftly turning black, soon ultimately devoid of any other color, swayed in the breeze that shook the trees. My eyes darted to the space directly above me, and I spotted a sky full of blackening stars and a bright, full moon. Unfortunately, what was happening was all-too-clear to see—that darkness…that blackness… I could have laughed. I'd known from the beginning that the parts of my mind that were under my control were silver, and that the parts of my mind that were under Kira's control were red. And now, that dark, oppressive color was swallowing both up entirely, claiming my mind as its own. It was painfully obvious what was happening—the bullet was the darkness, and the darkness was death. It was death, eating away at my mind, at Kira's mind, claiming not just our memories, but our lives.
So this was the product of attempting to erase the memories of a half-shinigami. It was a death sentence.
"Are you even listening to me?" Kira demanded in a scream, seemingly unaware of the inky blackness spreading out around him. "Do you even care? You're never going to see your precious detective again, do you understand that?"
"No…" I whispered, and Kira responded with a painful shake of my shoulders. My head struck the ground, but not hard enough to do any damage. But then, a moment later, Kira's nails were clawing into my throat—and that did do damage, and I could practically feel my life draining away faster and faster.
Kira stopped suddenly, staring down at me with wide eyes. For just a moment I didn't understand what he was staring at—but then my eyes fell upon his hand, held a foot above my throat, and I understood.
Under his nails, staining his skin, flaking to the ground…were some of those silvery particles that made up my entire being. When he'd clawed at me, when he'd tried to bring me harm, he'd managed to speed the process of my disintegration—and I could only guess that once said disintegration was complete, I'd die. And if Kira had been able to speed that process by attacking me…
"Well," Kira snarled, teeth glinting in the dim light. "Would you look at that?"
I opened my mouth, hoping to say something that would dissuade him, but it was too late. I felt Kira's slim fingers clutch at my throat once again, and I knew immediately what he was thinking, what he was doing.
"It may already be too late," Kira sneered, affirming what I already knew, "but if there's the slightest chance that killing you will stop the bullet from taking away all of our memories, then I'm going to take that chance. And even if it is too late, and we're both headed for the grave, then I'll still get the satisfaction of killing you."
My heart sank as he told me his plan, but that dull feeling of horror was nothing in comparison to the sudden ceasing of oxygen to my brain. Kira's fingers were locked around my throat like a vice, and I was barely able to draw breath. I struggled to raise my hands, to shake him off, but my movements were painfully sluggish.
"You'll die here, Light Yagami," Kira snarled. His fingers tightened, and I felt my oxygen supply completely vanish. I immediately did the only thing I could think to do—I raised both hands, fighting viciously against my own weakness, and wrapped them around Kira's throat in turn. The monster gasped, stunned that I would dare to attempt attacking him. But the fear swiftly chanted to anger, and suddenly he was tightening his grip further and further…
I began to panic. I was becoming lightheaded, and my vision was edged with black. I couldn't die like this—not after everything I'd been through to get to this point! I let my hands fall from Kira's throat and I swiftly began to use those stellar acting skills that L always complimented me on. I thrashed and choked, cursed in a weak tone and slapped weakly at Kira's hands. Then, when I felt I had done enough, I let myself go completely limp in Kira's grasp. It was a risky move—there was the large chance that Kira would continue to strangle me to death. But I had no other option—I had no more strength to fight him. I needed to breathe, and playing dead seemed the easiest way. So I lay completely still, eyes closed and body limp.
For a single, terrifying moment Kira's hands remained firmly around my throat. Then he released me, sitting back on his haunches over my body and panting desperately. I immediately gasped in a huge breath, the air choking me and forcing me into a coughing fit. Kira realized his mistake immediately. His eyes widened and he lunged forward, intent upon repeating the action, and doing it correctly this time. He intended to kill. But this time, when his fingers had barely brushed my bruising throat, I rolled out of the way and kicked him as hard as I could from my position. Evidently, it wasn't very hard. The god grunted, but wasn't slowed down in the least. He leapt to his feet at the same time I did, and threw himself at me like an untamed animal. Remembering my finesse, I sidestepped and drove my elbow down in between his shoulder blades. This time he clearly felt it—he yelped and crashed to the ground, where I kicked him harshly in the side once again. He grabbed hold of my ankle as it neared him, and in an instant I was lying on the ground once again.
"Bastard!" Kira gasped, repeating his favorite insult as he sprung to his feet seconds before I did. This time it was I who struck first, punching him squarely in the chest and following it up with a knee to the gut as he hunched over. The god twisted his fingers in my shirt as he went down, and for the third time that night I went crashing downwards. This time I didn't bother getting up. I jerked to one side as Kira rolled me onto my back, looming over me threateningly. His fist split the skin of my lip, and the coppery substance dripped into my mouth. I brought up one knee and lodged it between me and Kira, using the leverage to roll us over so that I leaned over him.
"Stop this!" I cried out. "You've been beaten! We'll die here, Kira—together." Even as I spoke more and more particles were flaking away from the both of us. Just a little bit longer…
"Speak for yourself!" Kira spat. "I'm not going to die with the likes of you!" He thrashed beneath me, kicking and punching in an attempt to dislodge me.
"Please…" I whispered, though I no longer expected him to listen to me. "Please stop…"
He only roared in response. His entire form was dissipating. And looking down at myself, I realized that I wasn't far behind. The bullet was killing us. I remembered L's distraught face, and a terrible pain ripped through me. I was never going to see him again.
"You fool!" Kira screamed, still struggling. "Let me go! Don't you see what you're doing? Without the righteous judgment of Kira, what is there left for the world? Earth will go back to functioning the way it always did, rotting to nothing as criminals pick away at it! This world is rotten, and you're stopping me from purifying it! When did you lose your sense of justice?"
My eyes widened. Was this really what I'd sounded like before this whole mess started? Was this my line of reasoning? Was this what I'd sounded like to L? I'd been a lunatic! "You're insane," I whispered. "I can't believe I ever agreed with you."
"I am the god of the new world!" Kira screamed. "I will destroy all evil!"
"You are the only evil that needs to be destroyed," I retorted softly. I felt strangely calm, now that the end was nearing. I was disintegrating faster and faster. It wouldn't be long now…
Kira stilled for a moment. He stared at me, and his gaze was suddenly completely calm. Then he smirked. "Tell me, Light, do you think this means you've won? Does dying with me equal a win in your book?"
"Yes," I responded. "It does."
For just another moment, Kira was still. Then he acted. In one, massive surge of strength, he threw me off him and got to his feet. He was standing over me in a heartbeat, leering nastily. He raised his foot and attempted to stamp down on my chest, but a swift roll out of the way spared me a world of pain. I got to my feet shakily.
I shook my head, and particles flew off me. Then Kira lunged at me, and the world flickered before my very eyes.
As Kira's fist whirled past my face, the world suddenly took the shape of the bedroom I shared with L at headquarters. Just like the forest, everything was painted in shades of black and silvery red. I gasped in surprise, and barely managed to return Kira's punch with one of my own. I unfolded my fingers halfway through the blow and raked my nails down the god's face. Lines of red welled up across his flesh and dripped down onto his shirt. I drew my hand away, and was disgusted to see that skin and loose particles were stuck under my nails. Kira, however, didn't even blink before lashing out again. He threw himself at me and wrapped his arms firmly around my middle. I cried out as Kira smashed me against the wall of the bedroom, my ribs popping painfully.
Our surroundings changed. This time we were grappling in the center of the black, silver, and red investigation room. I kneed Kira in the stomach, and we were suddenly battling in my living room. Kira swung his arm at my head, and we were fighting in the Silver Warehouse. I drove my fist into Kira's cheek, and we were grappling beside the bed in the hotel room Kira had stayed in with Beyond. Kira tackled me to the ground, and we were back in the clearing, scrabbling about in the black grass. Kira pressed his knee into my throat and sneered. He was barely visible now. The particles were pouring from him, and it would be a matter of minutes before he was completely gone. I knew I wasn't any better. As I raised a hand to push at Kira's knee, I saw that it was barely visible.
"It's over, Kira," I rasped. "This is all over."
"Not yet." Kira raised his hand, and I saw that somehow, somewhere, he had acquired a knife. I opened my mouth to tell him just how useless it was, but it was already too late.
Kira slashed once, and the blade tore through my throat.
I choked on the blood that suddenly rushed past my lips. My fingers darted up to feel the clean line that tore through my flesh. I didn't miss the fact that Kira had sliced me in the same way that he'd butchered Misa. In the end, just like my former girlfriend, it appeared that I was just another pawn in his game—a pawn that he was disposing of.
Kira drew back his arm and slashed again. This time the knife carved across my chest. Another slice deepened the first, then another, and another, until my torso was littered with terribly deep cuts. Blood poured from my body. I felt my vision going dark. No…I couldn't return to that terrible nothingness! I writhed weakly on the ground, and saw that Kira was just minutes from being gone. If I could just hold out long enough, then I could see him die before I did.
I wasn't going to make it that long.
I could feel my heart thudding slower and slower. My form was dissipating at an alarming rate, the particles disappearing faster and faster as blood fountained from my wounds. Kira was stained red with the stuff. "Goodbye," he whispered, "Light Yagami."
My eyes closed against my will. My chest heaved as I fought for breath. And then, just as I felt myself beginning to fade away, I remembered. I remembered just why I had to stay alive, just why I'd been fighting for this long. It was for L. It was because I loved him, because I didn't want to disappoint him, because I knew I would do anything if it meant making him happy, no matter what the cost on my behalf. I loved him, loved him more than anything—and that was why I had to keep fighting. That was why I couldn't just lie here, bleeding to death, while Kira stood over me. I had to fight. I had to stop this. I had to win.
And then, as if to emphasize my dark thoughts, I heard his voice. I heard the voice of the one for whom I'd suffered so much.
"Light… Light, please, hold on! I know you can do this!"
"L!" I rasped. Blood bubbled at my lips.
"I'm here for you, Light!" L called. I felt a phantom grip onto my arm, and I knew that in the real world, L was gripping me fiercely. "We're in this together, you hear? So make it through this and come back to me, or I don't know what I'll do!" I felt the phantom's touch whisper across my cheek, trace my lips. Then I felt L's soft, full lips on mine, and I almost reached out to grasp the man.
L was out there. L was waiting for me to return. L was still hopeful. I… I had to get back to him!
I moved without thinking. Overcoming my severe fatigue, battling my increasing blood loss, I lurched forward unsteadily and grappled with Kira for the knife. The god was obviously surprised. He let out a soft gasp as I pushed him back, hands wrapping firmly around the knife. My fingers curled around the blade, and I forced myself not to cry out as the metal sliced deep into my flesh. I drew back a hand and slapped Kira across the face. In the few seconds that he went reeling back, I clawed at his hand and stomped as hard as I could on his foot.
"You little brat!" Kira screeched, his hold on the knife relinquishing as he cradled his damaged hand. Nail marks ran down the back of his hand, crossing his knuckles and spilling blood over crimson skin. He hopped backwards on his one good foot. "You insufferable little imp!"
I wasted no time. I swiftly flipped the knife around so I could grasp it by the bloodied handle, then I went after Kira. I fought against my blackening vision as I moved. Drawing the knife back, I lashed out. I felt the blade tear through Kira's shoulder, and he screamed, backpedaling swiftly. Another slash landed on the scarlet-haired teen's cheek, and one hand rose to cup the dripping wound. Particles flew from him with every move.
"You're really trying to kill me? Me?" Kira roared. He flicked blood from his fingers angrily. "You have no idea what you're doing! If I die, then the world will rot away!"
"The world will not rot away!" I snarled, slashing the blade across his chest. Blood spattered me, the red contrasting nastily with the silver that made up my form. "L will be more than enough to ensure the world's safety!"
Kira scoffed, "Oh, your little boyfriend? Do you really think that he'll keep being a detective after you're gone? Do you really think that he'll have any interest in living? No, Light Yagami. Dearest Lawliet will spend his days wallowing in the misery of the world he created, ignoring the slow descent of the world into madness!"
"You're wrong!" My body moved on its own. In a single heartbeat I moved forward, seemingly against my will, and drew the knife once in a harsh, clean motion across Kira's throat. His wounds mirrored my own. The blood spurted freely from his throat.
"You—you—!" Kira sputtered. Scarlet dripped from his chin.
My world suddenly tilted on axis. Kira's image blurred, and I felt my cheek collide with the forest floor. Leaves and grass tickled my face, but it was mere seconds before the pitch-black greenery turned slippery and red with my blood. It hadn't ceased its flow from the wound in my neck. Mere feet away, I saw Kira slip and fall to the ground beside me. His whole body was shaking.
The knife was still in my hand. I had no strength left… but I had to finish this, once and for all.
I had to kill Kira.
With that in mind, I forced my limbs to move. I rolled onto my stomach, hands slipping on the blood-slicked ground. I barely kept my hold on the knife. My whole body was weakening, becoming less and less responsive. But still I managed to drag my form towards Kira. His flailing was beginning to quiet down, becoming weaker as blood fountained from his multiple wounds. I was hardly able to crawl atop the convulsing teen. Kira's body twitched beneath me. His eyes were glazed and bloodshot, hair crusted with scarlet. My grip on the knife slipped as I lost momentary control of my fingers. I switched hands and pressed the blade to a point on his chest, right over where I knew his heart must be.
"Kira," I sputtered through a mouthful of liquid. My chest was beginning to heave desperately, each breath growing shorter and shorter. But I still managed to gasp out, "I'm sorry… I really am. I'm sorry that it had to end this way. I wish that this would have worked itself out without all this. I'm just… sorry."
Kira sneered up at me, but I doubted that he really comprehended what I was saying. He had lost too much blood to even respond to what I was saying. But I saw the look in his eyes, and I understood. I understood that no matter what had transpired, it would have had to end this way. No matter what, this being would always be evil, and had he not been separated from me, I would have been lost. He could never have redeemed himself. Never.
And I felt sorry for him.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. Then, blood dripping from my lips, lungs filling with fluid, I leaned forward, the knife still pressed against the flesh above Kira's heart, and pressed downwards with all my weight.
The blade sank deep, deep into his chest, and pierced his heart.
Kira's eyes were wide for a single heartbeat, the fury in them unimaginable. But then his scarlet orbs glazed over, and his entire body went limp. One, last sigh left his lips, and then he was still.
I sat up straight, adrenaline flooding my veins. I pressed two bloodied fingers to Kira's neck, seeking out a pulse.
Nothing.
Kira was dead.
I stared down at Kira's corpse. The particles were still flaking away from him, bit by bit. And as I watched, the last few particles let him, and his whole body became completely transparent. My knees were suddenly pressing against grass rather than Kira's flesh. The knife stuck firmly in the slickened leaves.
I sat back on my haunches and let the murder weapon slip from my fingers. I brought my hands up to my face. Funny… they didn't look much different after killing someone. I'd thought that perhaps they would have been stained black and rotted due to the evil deed. But it was quite the opposite… my flesh was stained red, and—
I let out a gasp, looking down at my body. The particles weren't flaking away anymore! I wasn't regenerating, or anything that ridiculous, but I wasn't fading to nothing either! I let out a strangled laugh, a laugh that cut off midway to become a cough. Blood spattered from my painted lips. I pushed myself backwards on shaking limbs, then fell onto my back once I was certain I wouldn't be lying in a pool of blood. My eyes raked the starry sky, and I realized that it was pitch-black. The earth around me was entirely coated in that dark, deadly color, and the only specks of color I could see were painted across my form. Silver. No red. It seemed that I'd won. For real this time.
I laughed again. It was over… but had I saved myself? Or would I die here?
I knew there was a strong possibility that I would never wake up.
But my body didn't seem to understand that little fact. For as I lay there, staring up at the inky blackness, I heard L's voice. I heard him whisper to me, "I know you can beat him. I love you…"
I smiled like an idiot. "I did it, L," I spoke aloud, though I didn't think he could hear me. "I killed him. He's gone for good."
"I'm glad," came the soft response. "I knew you could do it." And then I felt soft fingers caress my jawline, run down my cheeks, brush over my eyelids. Lips pressed to my forehead.
And as I felt those lips brushing against my flesh, I realized something—my memories weren't vanishing. There were definite holes, yes, from where that darkness had bled into my mind and torn away at it. But overall, I remembered…everything. And I knew why. The Shinigami King…he'd told Kira, a few weeks ago, that a shinigami's memories couldn't be erased. And now…if Kira had succeeded in his plan, and then I'd killed him…that meant that I was a shinigami. My memories were permanent—and the only ones the bullet had taken were the ones it had managed to get its hands on before I'd killed Kira and claimed the title of shinigami. The bullet had stopped coming after me, in as many words, because my memories could no longer be erased. With the death of Kira, it had reset, in a manner of speaking, and reverted to its original purpose—going after memories. It was no longer confused as to its main goal, and it was no longer attempting to kill me.
"Light," L whispered again, and I couldn't contain my grin, despite the dark knowledge I'd just gained. I reached up a hand and felt those invisible fingers lace through mine. I felt a weight on my chest, and thought that perhaps, in the real world, L was resting his head on my chest.
Then I frowned. Color was beginning to swirl into the dark sky above me. The stars turned from silver to faint gold. The sky turned from black to deep, deep blue. I turned my head to one side. The trees were colorful again! They were brown, green, yellow, orange, every color beautifully blended together! The grass was green again, rather than that lifeless black!
And then my eyes swooped downwards, and I nearly began to cry.
L was there. L was sprawled across my form, cheek pressed into my bare chest, the fingers of one hand threaded through mine, the fingers of the other clenched in my hair. "L?" I whispered, needing to know that it wasn't a dream.
My precious L raised his head to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and watery. "Light," he choked. "My Light…" He paused, hands fisting in my hair desperately. "Your memories…?" he inquired softly.
"They're intact," I rasped, barely able to speak. "They're mine, L…I have to…have to keep them…"
"Shh," he hushed, stroking a hand across my forehead. "Don't worry about that now. It doesn't matter what happened, or how things turned out the way they did—you're okay now, and that's all that matters." He moved to scoop his arms beneath me, but then he paused, biting his lip. "Your wings…"
My blood ran cold. Wings… I pushed L off me with a weak arm and sat up. I wasn't bloodied. There wasn't a deep slice running across my throat. Kira's body wasn't lying a few feet away. And of course it wasn't because I had killed him inside my own head, not in the physical world. I felt something brush my back, and I shot my gaze behind me.
There they were. Beautiful, snow white, like the wings of an angel. And then the horrible reality hit me, hit me as I looked back to L and saw his name and lifespan floating above his head. I closed my eyes before the numbers could register in my mind. I didn't want to know. It was funny…I'd told myself, in as many words, that I was a shinigami…but now, seeing the actual, physical evidence…it was sickening.
"I'm a shinigami," I whispered, hardly able to believe it. "Kira is dead and I'm a shinigami."
L pulled me into a fierce hug. His arms wound awkwardly around the white appendages sprouting from my back. "It's okay," he whispered comfortingly, but I could tell he didn't mean it. He was just as disgusted as I was. Just as terrified. "You're okay, and that's all that matters."
That was definitely not all that mattered, but I didn't voice my concerns. Instead, I moved my wings experimentally, and found them just as weak as the rest of me. A wave of fatigue hit me, and suddenly L was the only thing keeping me conscious. I felt tears dripping down my face against my will.
L seemed to realize my state of being. He pulled me closer and smiled warmly, an expression that didn't fit his normally stoic face. "Rest," he murmured. "We'll figure it out. I promise. You don't have to worry about it, Light."
I returned his shaky smile and opened my mouth to reassure him.
And that's when all hell broke loose.
I could only watch as a shadowy form crashed into L and sent him sprawling. I recognized him immediately. Beyond Birthday.
"This is your fault!" he screamed, and I realized that he must have figured out what had happened. He'd heard me tell L that Kira was dead. "If you hadn't given up your memories in the first place, this would never have happened!"
I realized he was talking to me, even as he punched and kicked at L, who was still collapsed on the ground. Each blow took them closer and closer to the great oak in the center of the clearing, and further and further away from me.
"Stop this!" I screeched, seeing no other course of action. I struggled to get to my feet, but I could barely move. I was beginning to get the feeling that what had happened to me in my mind wasn't a complete illusion. It had affected me physically, evidenced by the way I couldn't feel my extremities. Even my wings—which I still wasn't used to having—were numb. I wondered if mental blood loss would be my cause of death.
Beyond didn't even look at me. "I will kill you," he snarled in my direction. "But you don't deserve to die first, oh, no! I'll kill the task force, the successors, and dearest Lawli, then move on to you! I'll take you back to the Silver Warehouse and make you bleed for weeks before I let you die!" Beyond drug L up by his collar and slammed him into the great oak. He was only about fifteen feet from me, yet I was powerless to stop him. I felt utterly weak!
L rasped out a cry as Beyond smashed his body against the tree trunk. A knife was suddenly in the murderer's hand, and he was slashing senselessly at L's chest. Shallow lines of red appeared. I knew what he was doing—he was going to make me watch L suffer. I flinched as my lover's scream reached my ears.
Beyond cackled mercilessly, swinging the knife back and forth. "Time's running out, Lawli! For both you and your little pet!"
I gnashed my lip between my teeth. What could I do? I had no help. No way out, unless…
Unless I made a way out.
My eyes skimmed the ground frantically. Where was it? I had to find it! I rolled onto my stomach and gazed across the leafy ground. Where… where?
There!
I saw it, resting a few feet to my left. I immediately began to drag myself forward, my limbs screaming in protest with every movement. I only had my arms to work with—my legs had gone completely dead. I flapped my wings subconsciously in an attempt to move faster, but all it did was tire me out faster. I looked up.
Beyond wasn't watching me. He had turned his whole attention on L, who was writhing weakly in his grasp. The murderer had his hand locked around L's throat as he carved patterns in his chest with the other. L's mouth was open, but no sound escaped him. I winced as he suddenly snapped his teeth down on his tongue—he was trying not to scream. The thought brought tears welling to my eyes, but I fought them back with a few harsh blinks, still moving forward. And then, suddenly, horrifyingly, my eyes fell upon the numbers above L's head—and this time I was unable to stop myself from registering those numbers, from realizing with a jolt of horror just how little time my lover had left. This was it—I had to move, now, or…or L would die. It was with that thought in mind that I pulled myself forward the last few feet and reached the object of my desire.
I'd reached it. I opened the thing, flipped the pages until I found a blank space. My other hand rose to my lips, and I sank my canines into the flesh. A jolt of pain shot through the appendage as blood began seeping from the bite mark. No, not enough! I bit harder, tearing into my flesh, wincing as a coppery taste hit my tongue. Deeming the amount of blood sufficient, I dabbed the finger of my right hand in the stuff and pressed the bloodied fingertip to the paper.
Beyond screamed, "Is this making you hurt, Light Yagami? Is this causing you pain?"
L screamed again. The numbers above his head flickered.
No… I didn't respond. Instead I focused on moving my shaking fingers across the paper, my blood forming letter after letter. It took all the strength I had left. It took everything I had, and my entire body was shaking before I completed the task. But when I was done, two words stared out at me accusingly in scarlet font. Two, deadly words.
Beyond Birthday.
I looked up. Beyond was still screaming obscenities, his knife still carving away. L's eyes found mine, and he shook his head slightly, as if reassuring me that it wasn't my fault. I smiled at him mindlessly, and watched his confused expression. I was counting the seconds.
Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…
This was the longest forty seconds of my life. I clenched my teeth.
Thirty-eight, thirty-nine…forty.
Beyond froze. The knife slipped from his hands and hit the ground with a thud reeking of finality. The murderer released L and staggered backwards, both hands moving to clutch at his chest. He choked and sputtered, managing to spit out, "You bastard!" I almost laughed—almost. It was so much like something Kira would have said. But by the time the words registered in my ears Beyond was falling backwards, his body outlined beautifully in the starlight. His bloodied form hit the ground, and he didn't get back up.
L hadn't moved from the tree. His eyes were locked on the body of his enemy, watching the shudders and convulsions wrack his body. But the instant that twitching body fell still, L's eyes locked onto mine, and realization spread through him in an instant.
He was beside me immediately. His eyes raked the Death Note, and I knew that he saw what I had done. "No!" he cried, dropping to his knees beside me. His fingers brushed the notebook, his touch smearing the still-drying blood. "You didn't!"
I looked up at him wordlessly. One of my hands reached up to brush across his jawline. In the distance, bells were tolling. Church bells? I frowned. How odd… Far away, I saw fireworks dancing in the sky. Oh… it must be midnight. The New Year. The twelve chimes that ushered in the New Year.
One.
L leaned over me. The devastation that flickered in those dark eyes was shattering. I knew that he'd already worked it out. He knew. "Why…" he whispered. "Why did you do it?" I felt his hands on my shoulders, and I let out a faint grin, though it contained no happiness.
Two.
"I had to," I rasped. I could feel a strange tingling beginning to spread through my body. I felt the same sensation as I had while fighting Kira. The sensation of something flaking away and falling to the ground beside me. A glance down confirmed my suspicion. A sand-like substance was beginning to fall away form my body, seeping through my pores.
Three.
L's hands clutched desperately at my shoulders, rolling me onto my back. He rested my head in his lap, fingers carding through my hair. "You shouldn't have saved me," he murmured.
"I love you." It was the instant response. "I love you, L…how could I not save you?" My eyes flickered up and across L's lifespan. The lifespan that I had just intentionally extended using the Death Note. The lifespan that represented a rule that a shinigami had broken. That I had broken.
Four.
"You're going to die," L choked. "You extended my lifespan using the Death Note…"
"Worth it," I managed. The sandy stuff was falling off me in sheets. "You'll live." It leaked through my pores, through my mouth, nose, and eyes.
"But—!"
I silenced him with a shake of my head. "Promise me something, L."
He stared at me with large, round eyes. "Anything."
"Don't give up being a detective. No matter what, I want you to stay L."
Five.
He smiled, but it was a watery, distraught smile. "I can't stop being something that I've always been."
"Good." I let my eyes fall closed. I didn't want to see myself losing shape, disintegrating. "One more thing."
He nodded.
"Hold me. I want one last comfort before…before…" Before I die.
L's eyes widened, and he moved his head in another nod. His arms crossed over my chest, pulling me closer to him so my back was flush with his chest. It was comforting, with my body pressed into him. I leaned my head back with a soft sigh, resting against his shoulder, and thought dimly that L's clothing was going to be filled with sand. Then I laughed, furious with myself for wasting my remaining time thinking about such things.
Six.
"Why are you laughing?" L asked softly.
"Just… this whole situation is ridiculous. I hate it."
L shifted, his expression twisting painfully. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. I love you."
"That's why we're in this mess."
"You're not going to be in it for much longer." I chanced a look down at my body, and I saw that I was lying in a pile of sand. I couldn't move anymore.
Seven.
"Don't say that!" L's grip on me tightened.
"Tell me, L," I requested softly, ignoring my lover's protest.
He frowned even deeper. "Tell you what?"
"…That you love me."
Eight.
His gaze softened. He leaned down suddenly so his face was inches from mine, his breath ghosting over my lips. "Light Yagami, I love you… so, so much. I love you."
I allowed my eyes to slip shut as L closed the remaining inch between us, pressing his lips softly to mine. It wasn't one of the passionate, heated kisses that we'd shared so often back before everything skidded out of control. It was gentle and caring, a kiss that was nothing more than a chaste declaration of love.
Nine.
L pulled back, remaining inches from me. His hair tickled my cheeks. I couldn't see him, with my eyes still sealed shut, but I thought that he was crying. A drop of moisture hit my cheek. If I still had control of my arms, I would have reached up and wiped it away. But all I could do was lie there, completely lax in L's hold, as he began to sob violently, his whole form shaking with every small movement.
Ten.
Darkness edged my vision. I felt as if I were being suffocated, but there was no way to alleviate the pressure building within me. I gasped for breath, but my lungs weren't working.
Eleven.
L heard my pitiful gasps, and his hands soothed across my chest. It was useless. I tried to open my eyes one last time to see my lover's face, but it was already far too late for that.
L was never going to know, I realized dimly. He was never going to know how much I'd suffered, how violently I'd fought to get back to him. He'd never understand what I'd been through, the extent to which the red sea had poisoned me. He was never going to understand. It would be my secret, what had happened to me while under Kira's control. And now that Beyond was dead, I was the only one who knew the truth. The only one who knew the extent of Kira's crimes. The only one who could possibly close the Kira Case. It was my burden to bear, what Kira had done to me. Mine and mine alone.
"Light…" I heard L whispering, but I couldn't respond.
He'd never know, I thought again. But perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe it would be better to leave him now, like this, completely innocent and unaware of the horrors I'd been through for him.
Maybe, just maybe…some stones were better left unturned.
Twelve.
I thought I heard one last whisper from L. One last declaration of his love.
Then all feeling left me, and the world faded to darkness.
Once again, there are still two more chapters. Yell at me when the story is over, not now.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter (is it even possible for someone to enjoy this chapter? Geez...talk about emotional overload) and if you did, be sure to leave me a review! Preferably, a review not slaughtering me over what I just did!