Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, or Heroes of Olympus.
Co-Written by Engineer4Ever
Fils de l'Amour: Mark of Athena
6: Boredom, Optimism and The Diet Pepsi God
"De-rob...De-rob...De-rob!" Naruto grunted as his head collided with the main mast on the Argo II. The group had split as soon as they landed, with Hazel and Leo going off after some celestial bronze on Hazel's, er, friend Arion; Annabeth, Frank and Percy looking for some mineral that could be found on the nearby beach, and Jason and Piper retreated to the med bay because Jason's head was bothering him again.
This left Naruto two options: Either leave the ship somewhat defenseless – Jason was out of action and Piper could only do so much – or stay in the control room with Hedge.
Naruto made a third option, where he would stay away from Hedge (the annoying fuzzy-pants that he is) and guard the ship at the same time. The only downside to this whole plan was Naruto hadn't a clue on how long these "resource recovery missions," as Leo aptly put them, would take. Which led to now, with Naruto trying to literally kill his bored brain cells by smacking his head against the mast.
It was a slow process and no results were yet to be seen.
"Next time we have to go do something, I'm going. No ifs, ands or buts about it." Naruto grumbled to himself. His head collided with the mast again and he frowned. "This doesn't even hurt...Ugh, but I'm so derob!"
"Hey, Blondie! Stop yelling nonsense, I'm trying to watch a fight!" Hedge shouted from the control room.
"Sorry, Fuzzy-britches!" Naruto called back halfheartedly. Hedge probably didn't even hear him. Naruto didn't care, that satyr was on his list of "Top Ten Most Aggravating People in the World". Hedge wasn't high on the list, but he was slowly getting past number seven: Hoshigaki Kisame, aka the Tailless Biju. The shark-like man's smug grin was annoying when he was alive, always shave off legs or shred him apart.
Not to mention Kisame totally tried to abduct him when he was twelve.
Stupid Akatsuki...Stupid Madara...
"Man, I must be really bored if I'm bitterly thinking about Madara," Naruto said to himself.
"You? Bitter? Please, the world must be ending before a single negative thought comes to your mind," Kurama said with a snort. "If you're so 'bored', why not let me out again to make things interesting?"
Naruto let his head rest on the mast he'd pounded a decent dent into over the past hour and hummed in thought. "Define interesting."
"A few destroyed buildings here, a couple of civilians squished there...c'mon, it'll be nice to see how quick these people react! Those Romans had a pathetic response time. And they threw stones at us! Stones!" Kurama let out an insulted huff. "Honestly, I don't think that whole 'city' could take on a single squad of Genin, let alone a Jinchuriki."
"Well, that's not fair...Maybe a squad of chunin if they tried hard enough," Naruto said with a small smile. He turned around and sat with his back against the mast to get more comfortable and looked up at Miu, who was still avoiding him. Stingy eagle.
"Oh, you're just saying that because you like that female, what's-her-name...Rana? Reya?"
"Reyna." Naruto pouted childishly. "I don't like her...at least, I think I don't."
"Sure you don't. It's not like you were actively comparing her to a kunoichi when you met. Or making note of how pretty her hair is..."
"Kurama!" Naruto rubbed at his face furiously to hide the flush that had covered it. So what if he liked long hair because it reminded him of his mom? Everyone is entitled to their own aesthetic likes and dislikes.
Kurama let out a booming laugh. "I see why Matatabi likes to rile her Jinchuriki up! It's so amusing to see you humans flush over frivolous things."
"Asshole," Naruto said with a grunt as he crossed his arms.
"Ah, you couldn't live without me. Literally. So you're stuck with me, Naruto. Deal with it."
Naruto let a small smile cross his face. "That's not so bad."
"You say that now, wait until I start naming your kits before you do. Your skulk will be my skulk, and I don't know how to break this to you, Naruto, but there's only one alpha male in this body."
Naruto looked down at his naval with an arched brow. "Do you not remember when I kicked your ass with the Senpō: Chōōdama Rasen Tarengan (Sage Art: Many Ultra-Big Ball Spiraling Serial Spheres)?"
"That doesn't count and you know it. I was only able to use my Yang chakra at the time. Let's see you beat me now," Kurama said in a playful, but arrogant tone.
Naruto smirked. "Rikudō Sennin Mōdo (Six Paths Sage Mode)."
"...Shut up, Naruto. Just shut up." Kurama let out a small growl as Naruto started to laugh.
Naruto was right to be amused, as with the Rikudō Sennin Mōdo, he was equal in raw power to Kaguya, who had ascended to godly (or godlike) abilities with nearly limitless power. In fact, the only ones who had given Naruto a decent fight when he was going all out were Kaguya and Sasuke. Kurama knew that alone he didn't measure up to the Mother of Chakra, so there was no chance for the Biju to stack up against Naruto.
Still, that didn't mean the Kyuubi no Kitsune wasn't powerful. It just meant that Kurama wasn't as powerful. It didn't really matter though, considering Naruto and Kurama have stopped fighting one another and fought together.
In his cage, Kurama's grin widened. No one, not even these Olympian gods, could stand up to him and his container. Naruto had one power that all immortals seem to lack: Faith. Kurama's third jailer had so much faith in his friends and fellow shinobi that he never doubted any of them. Not once had Naruto doubted his comrade's abilities, even with Sasuke.
Kurama didn't like the Uchiha, but for some odd reason, Naruto considered him a friend, his best friend even. It baffled the Biju. Sasuke had superiority and inferiority issues; no one would doubt it, not even Sasuke himself. When Naruto had started to become stronger, coming from the end of the line when it came to the rankings of Konoha's genin and swiftly rising to the top, the young Uchiha turned his back on his friends and sought out powerful allies – tools, a more accurate term, to make him stronger. Sasuke fell down the same path that Indra had: a talented young man gifted with power, walked the dark path of vengeance, to overcome the one he believed inferior.
Just like the Old Man's sons, Kurama smirked. Like Asura, Naruto gained strength through his bonds, hard work, and a strong will. Early on, he strived to be the best, to be in the spotlight: a selfish goal that had made Kurama convinced that Naruto was just some idiot brat. This was to be changed, as Naruto's 'dream' changed from being the strongest Hokage to being the best Hokage, not only strong, but willing to fight and die for his people. The dream shifted once more, to bring some semblance of peace to the Elemental Nations. A foolhardy goal, one would think. Impossible even.
Naruto Uzumaki spat in the face of impossibilities. Naruto Uzumaki erased doubt from the minds of men. Naruto Uzumaki cured hatred like it was a simple disease. Naruto Uzumaki spread hope and created peace for the once war-ridden Elemental Nations.
Naruto Uzumaki is, without a doubt in Kurama's mind, the strongest force on the planet. No one – not some immortal gods that lived on a mountain, not some pissed off old lady that lived in the dirt, and certainly not something as trivial as a couple of angry brats that called themselves Giants – no one could defeat, let alone kill, Naruto Uzumaki. This was the one universal truth that Kurama was sure of.
"Yo, Kurama, you fall asleep again?" Naruto asked rudely.
Kurama chuckled to himself and shifted in his spot as he ignored his container's attempts to 'wake' him. Red eyes drifted shut and a smirk had plastered itself on the massive fox's muzzle.
Nothing could defeat Naruto Uzumaki ...except boredom.
From where he sat meditating, Naruto arched a brow in interest when Leo and Hazel walked back on board the Argo II. "...HotStuff? Really?"
"Don't hate 'cause you ain't," Leo said. He had a large piece of bronze in his hands. "I got the bronze, Annabeth said you were up here meditating when they came back."
"They came back?" Naruto furrowed his brow. How'd he miss that?
"Here's a hint: you pulled a classic Nara." Kurama helpfully told him.
"I fell asleep? What time is it?" Naruto looked up at the soft hues of the sky as it changed colors. The orange and purples reminded him of his dream a few months back, the one where he walked with Tsuchi in someone else's body. The towel-thing he wore...Toga! That's what it's called.
"Almost time to set sail," Leo said. The boat suddenly rocked and Leo stumbled back into Hazel. The two quickly separated from each other with awkward unease on their faces. Naruto had to tilt his head in confusion, as though the new view would let him see why they were awkward around each other. No such luck.
"We, we might want to hurry up on repairs," Hazel said nervously.
"Good idea," Leo said. He looked at Naruto. "So...?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You only let me come because of the free labor..."
"Maybe, but seriously dude, we got some angry water nymphs after our heads," Leo said urgently. "Clones? Now? Please?"
"Yeah, fine." Naruto lifted his hands and made two clones, both of which swiftly followed Leo under the deck towards the engines. Naruto stood up and steadied Hazel when she stumbled after the ship lurched again. "Careful. You okay?"
"A bit tired," Hazel said tightly. Naruto waited patiently, but didn't get any elaboration as to why. He just watched her go off below deck, moving as Percy, who had some black stuff on his shirt, climbed up.
"Leo filled me in. I gotta do something to hold them off," Percy said as he rushed from one side of the deck to the other in order to get a solid bead on the nymphs.
"What did he do?" Naruto asked, watching without any real concern. He had crossed an ocean before, so this wasn't nearly as bad.
"All I know is they made some nymphs mad," Percy said. He frowned from where he stood on the left side of the deck. "Found them. I think...What's up with the weird clothes, though?"
"Weird clothes?" Naruto walked over and joined him. He joined Percy in staring incredulously at the girls dressed oddly with posters and strange knick-knacks. One poster had a very handsome guy staring into water on it, the words "I 3 Narcissus" in red at the bottom so as not to ruin the picture. "...Who's Narcissus?"
"...A better question is, how'd they get those shirts made?" Percy blinked.
"...I really wish I went with Leo," Naruto said with a frown.
"I really want to know what the heck happened," Percy said.
The boat lurched again and Naruto clung to the deck with chakra, putting a hand on Percy's shoulder to keep him from accidentally falling overboard. "We should probably do something about them."
"Right." Percy nodded. He held his hand out to the side and then, after a minute, swept it across where the nymphs were. One massive tsunami-like wave passed by and the nymphs were gone.
Kurama snorted. "Not impressed! I can do that, too!"
Let him have the moment, Naruto thought with a small smile. Sure, most of the people in Mizugakure no Sato could do something similar with enough chakra, but Percy was the son of Poseidon. It was kind of expected for him to do something like that.
It was dinnertime and the Argo II was on the move once again with Hedge at the wheel. The seven demigods and one Jinchuriki were below deck in the mess hall. Naruto looked at Miu, who joined him below to get some food for herself. She moved from his shoulder to perch next to him once he sat down, a small paper plate with a solitary piece of pizza in front of her to peck at.
It would've been a nice dinner, if the tension in the air wasn't so thick. Naruto stirred his cup ramen – it had been hours since his last ten cups, and he wasn't in the mood for pizza – and watched the seven. Granted, it was interesting to see Jason and Percy, who seemed to get along so well, momentarily clash over a chair at the head of the table. Naruto smiled nostalgically, it reminded him of himself and Sasuke back in their Academy days.
"You mean like that time you two totally locked lips?" Kurama asked far too innocently.
Naruto's eyes closed, the right twitched, as he forced himself to calm down lest he ruin his cup ramen. All of my hate!
Kurama just snickered.
Naruto listened as the two groups recalled their adventures, and though he found Leo's to be far more an entertaining story, he was rather disappointed that the small moment of laughter died. The demigods around him, the Seven as they started to call themselves, were suddenly aware that the fate of the world was on their shoulders. It was getting to them.
"You guys really need to loosen up," Naruto said, unable to take the silence anymore. He chuckled at their curious stares and ate a few noodles. He finished the last long noodle in his chopsticks with a very uncultured and undignified slurp that earned him a few looks of disgust. "Seriously, you guys act as if you're going to fail off the bat."
"The world is at stake," Annabeth said with a small frown. "We're worried about what could happen if we mess up."
"Then you're all doomed to die," Naruto said with a shrug. "Thinking about the 'what-ifs' or the 'or-elses' will just distract you. In the words of Iruka-sensei: 'just do the mission and get paid.'"
"But what if-?" Jason began, only for the whiskered blond to cut him off.
"You're thinking about a 'what-if'." Naruto pointed out with his chopsticks. "Don't do that. Be optimistic."
"Easy for you to say," Frank said with a frown. "You're not part of the prophecy."
Naruto grinned. "Wasn't part of the rescue Hera one either, still did it and guess what? Got the job done."
"He's got a point," Piper said. She looked at Jason. "Do you think we could talk the Romans down?"
Jason had a small frown on his face, like he was sure about the answer but didn't want to tell Piper, and put his hand on hers. "Maybe we could talk to Reyna..."
"The real person you'd have to convince is Octavian," Hazel said. She still looked a bit green in the face and her plate, which now had rubies in the edges of it for some reason, had a few saltine crackers on it. "He and the Romans won't rest until the wrong to them has been righted. It's a sense of honor."
Naruto snorted and took a few more noodles into his mouth. "Honor, shmonor...I can understand patriotism, but honor? Pretty dumb reason to start a fight."
Frank, Hazel and Jason frowned at him. Naruto shrugged it off. "Honor's a useless thing to a shinobi. Clans used to proclaim it all the time 'oh, we'll have you killed for stepping on my daughter's sandal!'. It's dumb. There's this one clan, the Hyuga Clan, some of them have their heads so far up their own asses they can't see past their own shit."
Hazel was much greener than before, and the others looked uncomfortable with his phrasing, but didn't deter him from speaking his mind.
"A good friend of mine, Neji, he was one of them." Naruto started to chuckle. "He used to be like that, too. Then, I kicked his ass in front of practically the whole village in the Chunin Exams."
"Chunin Exams?" Hazel asked.
Annabeth spoke before Naruto could, a scowl on her face. "It's a replacement for war, where allied nations or nations in peace can send their genin to the host village to earn the right to be promoted to Chunin, or a standard ninja, as well as show off prospective shinobi to possible clients. It's a barbaric version of the Olympics."
"I think it's fun," Naruto said with a pout.
"It's barbaric," Annabeth said with a frown to her nephew. "There is no slated age for entry. There's even a boy on record that had entered at age six! Six!"
"Yeah, that was Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said with a nod. The others turned to him and he blinked. "What? He was a genin at five, and both Mom and Dad trained him. Dad even submitted his team for the exam."
"That was a bad call. Kids shouldn't be enlisted so young," Annabeth said firmly.
Jason shrugged. "I've been with New Rome since I was two, if you count my time with Lupa."
Annabeth shook her head. "That's not the point."
"The point is we're getting off track," Percy said around a bite of pizza. Annabeth smacked him in the arm for his lack of manners and he frowned at her. "Ow."
"Percy's right," Jason said. "We're off track. We need to figure out what to do next."
"Well..." Annabeth began hesitantly. "If we're going to cross the Atlantic, I did get a request from Athena before we left."
Hazel and Frank looked uneasy while Leo arched a brow. "And this request is...?"
"...Rome, I have to get to Rome," Annabeth said after a moment. "She wants me to do something only a-"
"Daughter of Athena can do?" Percy asked. Annabeth turned to him. "Juno told me that you'd been asked to do something only a daughter of Athena could do, she said she didn't believe you could do it. I believe otherwise."
"Corny." Kurama snorted.
Shut it. Naruto thought.
"Rome? Didn't Nemesis say that we had six days before your brother dies and giants destroy Rome?" Leo asked Hazel.
Hazel frowned. "Six days isn't a lot of time."
"So negative," Naruto said with a chuckle. He downed the rest of his ramen and tossed his cup to the trash, piercing it with his chopsticks with impeccable aim. "I won the Fourth War in two days, six days is plenty of time."
"...A two day war? How is that even possible?" Frank asked.
Naruto grinned. "I said I won in two days."
That certainly stunned the demigods. What Naruto didn't add made it even more impressive, he had fought for forty-eight hours straight, diverted large portions of his and Kurama's chakra to an army that was forty thousand strong, made thousands of clones, died for about two minutes, came back to life, fought Obito, Madara and the god-like Kaguya on dwindling chakra reserves, and then fought Sasuke to the point that he nearly died again. And all on his birthday, too.
"Yeah, well, I need a few more hours to fix the engine properly. This patch job won't hold out for six days," Leo said as he grabbed another slice of pizza.
Piper licked her lips nervously. "Well...I think I know somewhere closer we could set down. Anyone have an objection to Kansas?"
Turns out that his brave little Imouto had been keeping secrets from her friends again. She'd been having dream-like visions in her sleep and had seen more things in her dagger. Naruto was contemplating confiscating the damn thing from her and giving her the tri-pronged bronze dagger he had sealed away in his room.
Needless to say, when she mentioned meeting a possible god near a mailbox, Naruto was first to speak up. He was not staying behind on the boat again. Ever.
Percy decided to come along, since Annabeth was needed to help Leo with the engineering mumbo jumbo, and Jason was a given considering Piper was the one who originally wanted to go here. Frank and Hazel, after a small strange altercation with Leo, decided to scout for Roman eagles. Naruto sent Miu with them as protection.
So, off they went, the merry four. Naruto didn't mind the walk; he'd traveled the entire distance of the United States many times when he was a genin, and in only a few days, so a few miles wasn't going to kill him. He held back and listened to Piper tell him some more Cherokee tales that her grandfather had told her as they made their way to the supposed meeting point. The whiskered blond knew that she would much rather speak with Jason, but he and Percy were a few feet ahead of them, having their own rivalry moment.
Naruto thought their boasting and arguments over who did what when and how cooler it was than the other was...odd. It was much different than how he and Sasuke interacted. Naruto would say something or ask a question, Sasuke would respond and call him an idiot, Naruto would call Sasuke an asshole and demand a fight, and the two would spar. When they were younger, Sasuke would clean his clock, give that annoying 'hn' sound he always gave instead of speaking, and walk away to be followed by fangirls. Recently, as in since Naruto's latest visit home, they came to a draw, with Naruto having the upper hand, and then went out for some ramen or beef.
This whole...one-upping thing was rather lame. They should just spar and be done with it. Naruto thought about something Chiron had said once during a lesson concerning the two younger brothers of the Big Three. Was this really how Zeus and Poseidon acted? Seriously? If so, Naruto was concerned for the planet.
"Naruto!"
"Hm?" Naruto turned to look at Piper, who looked rather miffed that he had zoned out on her.
"You're not even listening anymore, are you?" She asked with a frown.
Naruto scratched the back of his neck sheepishly with a chuckle. "Eh, sorry Imouto. Just thinking about my friends."
Piper's face lightened up slightly. "You don't talk about your friends a lot."
"What are you talking about? I talk about them all the time back at the cabin," Naruto said.
"You talk about Sasuke and Gaara, both of whom I think I know so well that if I met them in person I wouldn't know it'd be for the first time," Piper said with a smirk.
Naruto chuckled. "Oh yeah, well...they're the only ones that the others care about."
"Well, can you tell me more about some of your other friends?" Piper asked.
Naruto beamed. "Sure!"
They walked another fifteen minutes and Naruto enthusiastically began to tell Piper stories of him and his friends. His childhood buddies, Kiba, Shikamaru and Choji, who joined him in skipping class when they were young, had grown significantly. Kiba, the smug bastard, and his companion Akamaru had since become a dangerous rogue shinobi hunting duo. According to Sakura, he was being considered for ANBU.
Shikamaru, though extremely lazy, was being groomed for his father's position as the Jonin Commander, where he would stay until the Hokage allowed his retirement papers to go through. Naruto hoped Kakashi wouldn't accept those, because Naruto really wanted Shikamaru as his go to guy. Even if it would be unlikely to organize for war, Naruto was sure that the Nations wouldn't do anything until long after he was dead and buried, the lazy genius would be the best choice for a right hand man. Shikamaru was unavailable during his visit because he was taking care of his goddaughter.
Choji was the least to have changed. Well, that's not entirely true; Naruto hadn't seen a bag of chips in Choji's hand during his visit at all. The large warrior's family had started to house Karui, the new ambassador of Kumo, and he'd seen them out and about much like how Shikamaru and Temari had. Naruto's eyes had widened after he made that connection and he glared at his naval, due to Kurama's sudden bout of laughter. That explains why Kurama laughed when he compared Frank and Hazel to Choji and Karui.
As they strolled up to the Forty Mile marker, Naruto told a story about how one time he, Kiba, Shikamaru and Choji had been caught messing around in the Hokage Tower.
"...So, Jiji's just starin' right at us, Kiba's got his hand in the file cabinet, Choji's choking after he ate some of Jiji's tobacco, Shikamaru's looking like one of his family's deer and I've got the hat on my head, sitting in the chair with my feet on his desk," Naruto said to his giggling sister. "And out of nowhere, Kiba bolts for the window, jumping through with a yell of 'Don't use the spray bottle, momma!' It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard him say. 'Course, we all were forced to stand with buckets of water in the classroom listening to one of Iruka's speeches the next day."
"I can't believe you all got busted," Piper said with a small snort after her laugh. "And that's why Choji eats Barbeque flavor?"
"It's the only thing that can match the spice of Jiji's tobacco," Naruto said with a chuckle.
"Uh, excuse me," Percy said, garnering the attention of both children of Love. He pointed at the Forty Mile marker. "Correct my math, but that says we have eight more miles, right?"
"It'll be sundown by the time we get to the marker and back," Jason said with a frown. "We need to get there faster."
Naruto rubbed his chin and looked down either end of the road they walked by. There were no cars on the road. "Can't do that hike-hitching thing."
"Hitchhiking," Piper corrected with a small smile.
"That's what I said." Naruto frowned when she snickered. "What?"
Jason snapped his fingers. "I can call a friend."
"Me too," Percy said. Stormy blue eyes met sea green and challenging grins crossed the boys' faces. "Wanna see whose friend can get here first?"
"You ready to be disappointed?" Jason asked. He looked away and brought his fingers to his lips to whistle.
Percy merely closed his eyes and gained a look of hard concentration.
Naruto looked at Piper, who was shaking her head in disbelief. "So...why are they doing this?"
Piper sighed. "To get us a ride to the Mile 32 marker."
"...Why do we need a ride? You've been training, right? Let's just run," Naruto said.
"It's eight miles."
"...And?"
Piper just stared at Naruto. "Naruto, an eight mile run would completely sap us of energy."
"Really?" Naruto asked with a frown. "You guys are worse then genin."
Piper rolled her eyes. "Excuse us for not being ninja."
"I'll think about it," Naruto said cheekily.
Whatever was going to come out of Piper's mouth as a retort was interrupted by Percy's chuckle. The two siblings looked at him and followed his gaze to a small black speck that was steadily getting closer. Naruto squinted his eyes, was it a black bird or something?
There was a boom and Naruto looked up. "Was that thunder?"
"Yep." Jason smirked. "He'll be here soon."
"Too late," Percy said. He crossed his arms as a massive black Pegasus came down to them and landed gracefully. The horse snorted and Percy greeted it with a hand on its face. "This is Blackjack. Blackjack, these are Jason, Piper and Naruto. They're friends."
Blackjack nickered at him and Percy winced. "Right...Well, I can get you some later if you give us rides now."
"What's he want?" Piper asked.
"Donuts," Percy said with a shrug. "Might need to make two trips, I forgot we can't all fit on him."
"No need," Jason said. The air turned cold and a small cyclone formed in the fields nearby. It tore through and Naruto watched with a grimace as a familiar storm spirit trotted to a stop near Jason. Well, that was nice for Jason, but Naruto was not getting back on that thing.
"Tempest, it's been a while my friend." Jason greeted the spirit. The two stallions had locked eyes, one sparked and the other shifted his feathered wings. Oh, wonderful, the rivalry continues.
Naruto leaned on his staff as Piper climbed on Tempest behind Jason and Percy climbed on Blackjack. "Yeah...I'll meet you guys there."
"Naruto, c'mon don't argue," Percy said. He smirked when Blackjack suddenly nickered again. "Blackjack says he'll fly smooth."
"I'm good, I'll catch up." Naruto didn't want to add that the winged horse kind of weirded him out. It was too new, too different and Naruto never went around the Pegasus stables at camp, so he hadn't adjusted to their existence yet. Naruto didn't want to hurt Blackjack in general. One joke dive from the flying horse and Naruto could very well try to cling to him with chakra.
Things without chakra didn't react well to chakra.
Percy, Jason, and Piper shared a look before Percy looked back at Naruto. "Okay...well, just...try to not get run over or something."
"Right," Naruto said. He watched the two take off and waited a moment. "So, how long do you think it'll take them to get there?"
"Hm, five, six minutes tops." Kurama chuckled. "Tailed Beast cloak?"
"It's like you read my mind," Naruto said before he burst into gold light and sped into the fields. He passed Tempest and Blackjack with ease. Both, while fast in their own right, had nothing on him. Naruto had outpaced the Third and Fourth Raikage, both of whom were able to move as fast as lightning with their Lightning Armor.
Though this did raise the question, was Tempest as fast as lightning or was that just a way to show he belonged in the sky lord's domain?
Naruto grinned at the surprised looks on the three demigods' faces when they came to a stop next to the marker. "Hey, what took you guys so long?"
"How...? When?" Percy's confused frown turned into a broody pout, and Jason's own confusion had slipped into a small scowl.
"Did you teleport or something?" Piper asked her brother.
Naruto shook his head. "Nah, don't need to. I'm fast enough to get around without one."
"Understatement." Kurama snorted. Naruto had put the smack down on Obito once he found a way to predict the Uchiha's teleportation move.
"Okay, well...there's no one here," Percy said. He looked at Piper. "What does this guy look like? Maybe you saw Naruto beating us here."
"It wasn't Naruto. It was a guy with grapevines in his hat and a silver goblet," Piper said.
"Grape vines in his hat? Sounds like Bacchus to me," Jason said with a frown.
"Back what?" Naruto asked.
"He'd be Dionysus to you," Jason said.
Percy suddenly glowered. "We came all this way to see Mr. D? I should've stayed on the boat."
"He can't be that bad," Piper said. Percy snorted and Blackjack nickered again, though it sounded like a laugh.
"Well, either way, there was no one here when I got here," Naruto said. He scratched his head. "Maybe there's another Mile 32 marker somewhere in another Topeka."
"No, it's this one, I'm sure of it," Piper said with a dismissive shake of her head.
"We should go back since there's no sign of the wine dude," Percy said.
"I beg your pardon?"
Naruto froze and slowly turned around toward the source of the voice. The wheat behind him suddenly began to part and a tall man in his thirties wearing a purple shirt and a vine-ridden hat walked out. He looked at the four with a frown on his face.
"Did someone just call me 'wine dude'?" he asked in a lazy drawl. "It's Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don't-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus."
"...Those are some good names," Kurama said. "I like this guy."
"You would." Naruto muttered, still a bit unsettled by the god's appearance. So not cool.
"You look different," Percy said. "Skinnier. Your hair's longer and your shirt isn't so loud."
Bacchus stared at him as though he were crazy. "What the blazes are you on about? Who are you, and where is Ceres?"
"...What series? World series?" Percy asked.
"He means Ceres," Jason said. "Goddess of Agriculture."
"Oh, Demeter," Naruto said with a nod. "Dated one of her daughters for a couple of weeks. Liked her, but she was a bit...clingy."
Piper looked unsettled at the comment while Bacchus nodded at Naruto's words. "Yes, Ceres' daughters do tend to inherit her eccentrics. Poor Pluto, never a day's rest...but back to the matter at hand, where is Ceres? She's the one that called me here for this meeting."
"She's not here, Lord Bacchus," Jason said. He urged Tempest to stand beside Blackjack. "Lord Bacchus, do you remember me? I helped you with that leopard in Sonoma."
"Sonoma?" Bacchus rubbed his chin for a moment before he nodded. "Ah, yes. John Green was it?"
"Jason Grace, sir."
"Same difference," Bacchus said with a shrug. "Did Ceres send you in her stead?"
"No, sir. Were you hoping to meet her here?"
Bacchus snorted and glowered at the boy. "Are you deaf in both ears or did my words just pass through with ease, Mr. Granite?"
"Grace, sir."
"That's what I said." Bacchus grunted with a small scowl. "Yes, I wanted to meet her here, she chose the spot. Ceres asked to meet in Kansas for council on the war. With Gaia rising, all of the crops have started to wither. Draught is starting to spread. Karpoi are beginning to revolt. Even my grapes aren't safe. Ceres wanted to create a united front in the plant war."
"...A plant war?" Percy asked with disbelief. "What, are you going to arm all the grapes with tiny machine guns?"
Bacchus scowled at him. "We've met before, haven't we? I'm getting a very quick dislike for you. Almost as if it's a second nature to me."
"We met at Camp Half-Blood," Percy said. "I know you as Mr. D, er, Dionysus."
Bacchus grabbed at his head and his form flickered for a moment. Naruto blinked at the glimpse of Dionysus. A curly beard, larger stomach, and an awesome orange shirt with tiger-like stripes on it. A grin crossed the whiskered boy's face. He knew the gods loved orange.
"Stop that!" Bacchus demanded as he glared at Percy. "Stop thinking of me in my Greek form!"
"But-?"
"Do you know how hard it is to be focused on something right now? I get splitting headaches all the time! I find myself doing something or going somewhere and I can't remember why! I'm constantly aggravated all the time!"
"That sounds about right," Percy said. It was then Naruto noted that Percy was probably not helping the situation at all. However, that didn't mean Naruto was going to step in. This was too funny to mess with.
Bacchus' nostrils flared. One of the leaves on his hat burst into flames. "If we do know each other from that other camp, I wonder why I hadn't turned you into a dolphin yet."
"Oh, we discussed that. In the end, I think you were just too lazy to follow through," Percy said with a shrug. Naruto had to stifle his laughter. This was amazing. It was like he was watching something akin to a huge misfortunate event unfold before him.
"Your aunt is right, he is just like you," Kurama said in horrified awe. "This needs to stop. The god is losing his grip on his restraint."
Aw, do we have to? Naruto asked with a smile.
"Do you want to explain to your aunt that you could've prevented her mate from being turned into a fish but didn't because it was too funny to stop?"
Point taken. Naruto cleared his throat after Percy gave another witty/snarky comment that made another leaf go up in flames. "Excuse me, Bacchus?"
"What do you want?" Bacchus asked, still irritated from conversing with Percy.
"Er..." Naruto scratched at the side of his cheek. Uh, crap. Ideas?
"Ask him for help," Kurama said.
"Spit it out boy! I haven't got all day!" Bacchus growled, his eyes a faint purple compared to the light red they were before.
"Right, sorry, sorry. It's just, we need your help," Naruto said. "Your advice on something."
"Really? Well for your information, Whisker Boy, I don't go helping people out of the bottom of my heart," Bacchus said with a frown. He spun his hand around and a can of Diet Pepsi appeared in it. He popped the tab and took a sip. "Ah, refreshing."
"Don't you drink Diet Coke?" Percy pointed out.
"Percy, quiet," Piper said with force behind it. Percy shut up and Naruto snickered. Oh, he wants to be there to hear Piper explain that to Annabeth. Piper slipped from Tempest's back and stood before Bacchus respectfully. "Please, Lord Bacchus, just share some wisdom with us. Can't you give some advice?"
Bacchus looked at his Diet Pepsi and swirled it slightly in his hand before he looked back at Piper. "Hm, well you are respectable, more-so than the one riding the Pegasus. Very well, I can give you some advice. Personally, I would avoid karaoke. Why Apollo thought that'd stay a trend in America, I haven't a clue. Actually, avoid any theme parties, far too risky especially for someone of your age. Could ruin your reputation. In today's world, people are looking for a simple and low key affair, with organic foods, simple dress requirements–"
"Not about parties," Piper said. With his eyes narrowed on her, she quickly added, "but that's good advice, Lord Bacchus. I'll keep it in mind when we plan on celebrating. What we need is help on our quest."
Piper began to explain their situation, Bacchus nodded every now and again. She spoke of their journey and the warning Nemesis had given about a timeline that would lead to the fall of Rome. She explained that she had a vision of him at this spot where he would give them a silver goblet for some reason.
"A silver goblet? I prefer gold myself. Imperial gold if Olympian isn't available," Bacchus said with a frown. He didn't look excited at all for this request. "I haven't a goblet, chalice or any such thing girl. All I can offer you is some Pepsi. Jupiter, for some reason, has ordered me to avoid giving minors wine. Shame that, we all deserve to have a bit of fun. As to the giants, I know them well. Did you know I fought in the first Giant War?"
"I had assumed, but didn't wish to voice it in case I was wrong," Piper said. Naruto gagged at how proper his Imouto sounded. It sounded so...weird.
"You fight?" Percy, however, needed to learn to know when to shut up and look good. Even Naruto knew when to do that.
Bacchus snarled at him. The Diet Pepsi in his hand turned into a long staff, much like Naruto's, only it had vines trailed down from the tip, where a pinecone had been perched.
"A thyrsus!" Piper exclaimed before Bacchus could whack Percy with it. "What a mighty weapon!"
"Percy owes her. That god was about to snuff him out," Kurama said.
No shit. Naruto snorted.
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Bacchus said with a smile as he looked at his weapon with pride. "I'm so glad there's someone among you four with a brain between these shoulders. The pinecone is a mighty weapon, fearsome and powerful! I was a demigod during the war, you know. A son of Jupiter!"
From the corner of his eye, Naruto noticed Jason start to look uncomfortable again. Naruto didn't see why, Bacchus was an okay guy.
"This thyrsus helped me put down those buffoons I faced against." Bacchus smiled as he swung his weapon, his pot belly throwing him a tad off balance. "Of course, this was before I invented wine and became a god. There was another demigod there, I think. Mary Cheese? Barry Fees? ...Harry Cleese, yes that was it."
"Heracles?" Jason asked.
"I said that," Bacchus said with a frown at him. He shrugged. "Anyway, I killed the giants Ephialtes and Otis. Bores, the both of them. Dreadfully dull. I gave them each a pinecone to the face!"
"Lord Bacchus, these two giants wouldn't happen to be twins, would they?" Piper asked nervously.
Bacchus tilted his head as he thought about it. "Twins? ...Yes, no? No, yes! Yes, they were twins. That's right."
"That's why we're here," Piper said. Both she and Jason had a gleam of realization in their eyes that Naruto didn't understand. Did he miss something again? "You're part of our quest."
Bacchus frowned at her. "I'm sorry, girl. I haven't been a demigod for a long time. I don't do quests. I can assign them, but I don't feel like it right now. Try again next year."
"But giants can only be killed by demigods and gods working together," Jason said. "You're a god, we have to go stop two giants before they destroy Rome. You must be able to help us somehow!"
"Jeremy Grant, you will watch your tone when you speak to me," Bacchus said with a glare at Jason. "I don't have to do anything. I only help those that give me a proper tribute and I haven't gotten one of those in ages."
"A tribute?" Naruto asked. "Like some food in the hearth?"
"Much more complex, boy," Bacchus said with a snort. "You couldn't handle it if you tried."
Well, now Naruto wanted to try if only to throw Bacchus' words back in his face.
Bacchus turned his thyrsus back into a can of Diet Pepsi. "But, I suppose I can give you some advice, girl. You were the only one with a good attitude."
"Um, th-thank you, Lord Bacchus," Piper said, a bit surprised.
"Uh-huh. Anyway, seek out Gaia's son, Phorcys. He and his mother have never seen eye to eye, which I suppose makes sense. Wasn't a big fan of his brothers, either," Bacchus said. He took a sip of his Diet Coke. "Last I heard he was in that city named after that heroine, what's-her-name? Atalanta?"
"Atlanta?" Piper asked.
"That's the one." Bacchus nodded.
"Phorcys...Is he a giant?" Percy asked. "A Titan?"
"Not one or the other," Bacchus said. "I'd look for him by the salt water."
"In Atlanta?"
Bacchus grimaced at him. "Are you hard of hearing, too? I just said that. If you want insight on Gaia or the twins, seek out Phorcys. Do watch him, if you do seek him out, though."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked with a frown.
Bacchus ignored him as he looked at the sun, which was now high overhead in the center of the clear sky. "Ceres is never this late. Very unlike her. She'd never delay a meeting of this importance if she requested it unless she sensed something dangerous. Or..."
The god's eyes widened. "Or a trap." He looked at the demigods with severity. "Well, now, I must be off. Things to do, people to drive mad, you know how it is. If I were you, though, I'd do the same."
"No, Lord Bacchus, wait!" Piper said with a hand slightly outstretched as though to grab him. He was gone before she even moved. Faster than a blink of an eye. He had disappeared with the sound of a can top being opened.
The lingering scent of grape was an interesting touch.
"That was kind of cool...I'm still faster than it, though." Naruto rubbed his chin. "There's something to try...now if only I could meet a god that would let me test that fairly..."
Naruto went stiff as an ominous wind brushed past his skin. A whisper danced on it, so soft that Naruto wasn't even sure he had actually heard it. It sounded like his Jiji, the Sandaime Hokage, and it sounded as urgent as Bacchus looked before he left. It was two words that he wasn't sure were actually spoken: Gaia's here.
After the warning that Naruto was still trying to make sense of, another voice, this one much clearer and more feminine, made itself known.
Hello heroes, I've been waiting for you.
AN: So, there's a cliffhanger for you.
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